The Moment We’ve All Been Waiting for: Kaye Grogan on Terri Schiavo

I said I wasn’t going to blog about Terri Schiavo, but that was before Kaye Grogan wrote THE definitive column on the whole sad saga. Let’s take a look:

To those responsible for denying Terri water
Kaye Grogan
March 25, 2005

Playing God is not going to work. Sooner or later, the ones daring enough to say when it’s time to pull the plug on ill patients or liberal judges who think they have the right to order feeding tubes be removed, will one day see they overstepped their boundaries.

So I guess we should just keep everybody on life support for as long as we can, regardless of their condition or wishes, because pulling the plug would be “playing God,” which is something the Founding Fathers never intended. Of course, when the Founding Fathers were alive, people in Terri Schiavo’s condition would have been left for dead anyway, so maybe keeping Terri alive is “playing God” too. We should repeal the last 225 years of medical advances just to be sure.

The entire Congress and judicial systems need to be overhauled. And this fact has never been more obvious during the inhumane treatment of Terri Schiavo.

Yeah, let’s shred the whole Constitution to save Terri’s life. It’s what the Founding Fathers would have wanted.

After my article “Urgent Message to President Bush: Use Your Executive Power to Save Terri” was posted on several sites, I received emails pro and con from readers on the subject. One email in particular caught my attention, because the reader kept projecting his own personal feelings about what he would want to happen to him, should he be in a similar health crisis as Ms. Schiavo.

First of all, the gentleman needs to thank his lucky stars he’s currently not in a vegetative state, and secondly he needs to hope like the dickens he never is, given the fact, so many people have suddenly (in their own minds) decided to empower themselves with “godlike” characteristics.

Well since the guy who wrote you said he would have wanted to die were he in Terri’s condition, he’d better hope like the dickens that he’s never in a vegetative state, since fruitcases like Alan Keyes and Randall Terry will fight to keep him alive against his will.

Play the role while you can ? because a day of reckoning is coming on judgement day.

Uh-oh. We do not like where this is going…

And “Judgement Day” is going to be the day where a righteous judge will be sitting on the throne, and no amount of bribing or lying will thwart justice.

Well actually, I’ve heard that God does take bribes, but they really have to be a lot. This may not be historically accurate, but I’m pretty sure that’s where the money in Al Capone’s vault went…

This is one time where all the facts have been recorded on each individual, and when the book of accountability is opened, the facts will be flawless and indisputable. You might view this as just a far-out “never gonna happen” claim.

Actually, Kaye, it’s one of the most normal things you’ve ever said.

But what happens if you’re wrong and this is indeed how it’s all going to play out after your death? You’ll be in the lake of fire without any remedy or hope of someone rescuing you ? just like Terri was forced to endure if someone doesn’t save her from a horrible inhumane physical death.

Right, but eventually Terri’s suffering (which has been going on for 15 years, mind you) will end and her soul will be in Heaven. But it was sweet of you to condemn me to Hell, Kaye.

Now that I think about it, isn’t condemning someone to Hell something only the Lord can do? You better watch it, Kaye- you’re starting to empower yourself with “godlike” characteristics…

The gentleman went on to inform me that the infamous ACLU has been involved with the case nearly from the beginning. Of course they have. But as usual, they are siding with Terri’s husband. The ACLU like the reader maintains that Terri’s wishes should be carried out. The only problem with that assumption: no one can prove beyond a reasonable doubt (afforded every defendant in a trial) ? that the assertion brought forth by Terri’s husband that his wife wanted to never be kept alive by life support is merely a heresy.

Mistaking “heresy” for “hearsay”… misplaced commas… attributing Shakespeare quotes to the Bible… is there anything this woman can’t do? *swoons* (NOTE TO GIRLFRIEND: Hey, if you can have Jon Stewart on your “list,” I can have Kaye on mine!)

Mr. Schiavo cannot produce a “living will” document to prove his wife wanted to starve or thirst to death. So, his voice in the matter should be mute.

Yeah, it’s not like he’s her husband or anything! And why should these courts and legislatures get a say in all this when Jeb Bush (a.k.a., God’s publicist) should just whip out his executive shlong to end to the madness!

Besides, I’m sure if Terri could speak ? she would ask for a drop of water to wet her parched lips and mouth.

Well, if Terri could speak she wouldn’t be in a vegetative state and therefore wouldn’t be in this predicament.

But whatever, this dry medical stuff is boring me… talk drrrty to me, Kaye! Tell me about going to Hell again!!

I doubt very seriously a lot of people have read in the Bible the parable where the rich man who treated Lazarus terrible in life begged God to send Lazarus with just one drop of water, because he was tormented in the place called Hell. Will the same people denying Terri one drop of water . . . be asking for the same drop of water in that awful place?

Ooooh yeah, baby! Give it to me! Now tell me how they’re gonna show me NO MERCY…

Then and only then ? will the ones involved, denying one drop of water to Terri Schiavo be forced to remember: You are only given the same degree of mercy . . . that you grant to others.

Oh yeah, Kaye, that was hotttt. Whew, OK I need to take a shower after that, but I hope I haven’t scared y’all with images of Kaye in a red devil suit beating me into loving submission. On that note, try to have a good Easter and/or Passover.


Comments: 27


Seems that God played his card when he stopped her heart. Seems that someone keeping her alive artificially is really the one who is struggling against an inevitable fate . . .

I’m just a godless agnostic but if I were wont to believe in such things, I would think the Christian Scientists and folks like them would think that propping the poor woman up indefinitely are the ones “playing God.”


I’m personally a “God agnostic,” if that makes sense- I believe in God, but I don’t know what kind yet.

But I know that it *ain’t* the God Kaye believes in…


I’m more of the “I don’t know, and you don’t either” agnostic. Which is why the “I know everything, God tells me so” types like Kaye drive me so batty.


I think Kaye’s actually more of a “I know everything, God told Alan Keyes so” type of person.


Actually, Kaye, it’s one of the most normal things you’ve ever said.

And ain’t that a scary thought?


Does that guy (Grogan) get paid to write these articles? I’ve yet to decipher a coherent thought from even one of those ramblings.


NOTE TO GIRLFRIEND: Hey, if you can have Jon Stewart on your “list,” I can have Kaye on mine!

I am now clawing my eyes out.


Yes of course, in Kaye’s America, heresy isn’t admissible in court.

I do hope she has made out her living will; it appears she’s slipped into a persistent idiotic state.


It’s people like her that have caused me to raise the questions about my faith that I did and to face down priests and nuns when they were unable to offer more than circular logic. Clinging to dogma and using a book as the driving motivation in life is amazing. It’s like trying to base a civilization on the Lord of the Rings.

It was their starting to legislate their horseshit that caused me to write to the church last week demanding apostasy. I think creation myths had their place back, oh, say about 500 years ago but it’s time to move on now.

And since I wrote ratzinger at the vatican’s office of the faith (aka, office of the inquisition), I bet the stamp and letterhead of the “official” response will be cool. I hope so, ’cause I’m gonna frame it and hang it on my wall.

And what’s with that picture of Kaye, dressing like the images those tigers in the pictures of her home. Is that a subliminal message? Am I supposed to interpret that as not messing with her? Cause it’s not working. She looks stupid.

Now, I understand that certain plants and animals include the ability to camo to fend off predators, doesn’t it? Sort of explains this woman, doesn’t it? I wonder if she tracks the sun…most plants do…unless she’s in one of those persistent vegetative states. What if we poke her with a stick?


I have an idea. If we expand on using the Lord of the Rings as a basis for a moral code for a civilization, it would be really cool – I mean with that little human dude they discovered recently. And think of a culture of swords!

On the other hand, it would open the door to genetic engineering ’cause we’d need orcs. And while Kaye’s ugly, dark heart is close…

It would also allow physician-assisted suicide, which we SHOULD be discussing instead of magical horseshit or having her starve to death. And it would allow warrior-assisted suicide in glorious combat! And in technicolor, that WOULD be cool!

But it raises a question – since the Bible is LITERATURE and not the holy fucking word of shit…what work of fiction would you use to base a moral code on?

I’m thinking MechWarrior…

(nods and smiles)


If I were to base a moral code on liturature, it would probably be Dr. Isaac Asimov’s “Foundation” trilogy, based on the concept that ‘violence is the last resort of the incompetant.’
A premise the W-system proves true every day.


All you agnostics will burn in I don’t know what. You secular humanists will all burn in a hot tub.


Sort of OT, but do you think Kaye speaks with an Ann Landers/Dear Abby kind of lisp?

She has that look.

“God luvsh ush all. We’re all God’s shildren…”


Naw… she strikes me as more of a “piercing high pitched nag” than anything.
Kind of like the stereotypical grandmother (except evil).


At last a voice of reason. Playing god never works. If Kay should get into a car accident, I hope she will stop the doctors, if she is conscious, before they treat her and tell them, “Playing god never works.” If god wants someone to die, who are these doctors to play god and provide medical treatment to injured and sick people.

Damn god-playing doctors. Damn them to hell.


Uh, what “liberal judges” were these? Does The Grogan not know they were Republican judges that decided that Terri Schiavo had made her wish not to be kept alive artificially known or is she just acting stupid?

If she’s acting, of course, Dame Judi Dench has competition.


I think that Kaye talks like William Shatner: low and sultry with lots of drawn out dramatic pauses.


The link redirected me to…

Is this a conspriacy? or have we slashdotted Kaye’s servers?


Should be fixed now, Jo…


Serious question: why is any use of medical science to prolong life when God deems it over, or create a pregnancy when God has deemed a couple infertile is doing God’s work, but witholding medical treatment or terminating a pregnancy is “playing God”?

Any possible logical explanation, or just cognitive dissonance?


Basing it on Foundation has its merits. But it doesn’t include gladatorial combat to the death in living technicolor!

Can’t you just taste the pizza and beer? And the organgy poofs as you lick their sultry cheeto flavor off your fingers so you can grasp the beer more firmly?

And I think that gladatorial combat to the death in living technicolor also answers that cognitive disonance question, too – everybody objected to thwarting god’s will by making infertile couples fertile, but then they all saw the happy family and the kid didn’t have an arm growing out of his chest, so it was ok. While I’m certain there are some purists out there who think these kids will probably end up in limbo, no one with any serious consideration of the issue cares because everybody recognizes that NONE OF THIS IS REAL except in the minds of the morass of the clueless.


but is it ok to play god on death row, or in an iraqi invasion?


I loved playing “God” as a kid-

“Tag, you’re God!”

The Dark Avenger

Tom the Dancing Bug should incorporate Kaye into an episode of Man-God, the omnipotent superhero.


You’ll be in the lake of fire without any remedy or hope of someone rescuing you

That sounds nice. I’d imagine that the lake of fire, like most large lakes, tends to regulate the temperature in hell.


Nope, no lake of fire for me. I have a Dostoevskyan onion. (Just showin’ off my sophisticamated literary side, ’cause I can, you see, so I do.)


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