Shorter Jonah Goldberg
Posted on October 7th, 2008 by Brad
- Sarah Palin needs to lie a lot more if she’s going to succeed in politics.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
[Thanks to reader Chris for the tip.]
I agree with Jonah. Joe Biden only gave answers which were mostly correct but had a few minor inaccuracies or summations, while Palin awesomely demonstrated her ability to give “canned” responses but not to “direct” questions she was asked. Thanks Jonah!
Hey Biden, the master gasbag is gassing at you
Damned LA Times editors always leaving stuff off.
Reading Jonah now is like watching a man drown. He’s spent and struggling and going under, grasping at imaginary straws, beating the water with his hands. It would be sad if it weren’t so damned funny.
Oh, and he forgeot to say Biden is a fascist. Is that rhetorical bowel movement already obsolete?
He’s beating something with his hands alright. But it ain’t the water.
He’s spent and struggling and going under, grasping at imaginary straws, beating the water with his hands.
It’s gotta suck, all right. I was just thinking yesterday about what wads like him must have thought the future of their careers was going to be like.
I imagine the Pantload thought his job would be, say, hosting a talk show, nodding sagely as his guests blathered whatever was the riveting wingnut talking point du jour. E.g.
“Today in our studio – noted liberalologist Dr. Bertram Wankstain reveals that scientists have discovered four new ways in which liberals are even worse than we thought!”
Now it seems like there might be the ghost of a threat that Jonah would have to get a real job. I don’t think so – as many have pointed out, these gadflies do very well when they’re the political underdogs. Uncle Rush will explain it all to him, I’m sure.
Hey Jonah,
In order to lie more, Palin would have to say things of substance.
Channelling my inner moonbat:
Bailout = nefarious diversion scheme to top up wingnut welfare fund for the next eight years.
These tinfoil hats are kind of loud.
Did you see who JG compared Biden to? Chauncey Gardner from “Being There”! Brilliant reference 2 weeks after all the Dem blogs started using it to describe Palin.
Palin, is like, friggin’ awesome.
Bailout = nefarious diversion scheme to top up wingnut welfare fund for the next eight years.
I bet you’re right. I’d be pretty surprised if the RNC didn’t start getting some mysterious 10-figure donations, too.
The irony is astounding.
Oh, NOW Jonah wants to do some fact checking.
A self-touted foreign policy expert and constitutional law professor, Biden joined the Senate some time after the Cretaceous period but well before bell bottoms went out of style.
Biden thinks he knows foreign policy better than his answers show he does! Also, he’s old! These devastating truths are really going to bring folks into the McCain camp.
Shorter Jonah x2: The people are geniuses who know their own minds!
For good or ill, going forward, Palin is easily the most popular Republican in the country, at least among people inclined to vote for the GOP. That may not last, of course (she has many trials ahead), but the instant decision of Beltway blowhards to push the Palin-as-liability fable says a lot about how little they understand much of the American electorate.
The people are idiot dupes!
Last Thursday’s vice presidential debate was the most revealing, and depressing, event of the entire campaign because it showed how irredeemably fraudulent America’s political class is and how superficial the voters who will decide this election are.
Confidential to Jonah, re: bellbottoms/lame jokes.
Yeah. All that “debate” type “stuff” that people who actually “know” things fall back “on.”
This must be how Neanderthals felt, when Cro-Magnon moved in.
Of course, Neanderthals were intelligent, altruistic, and capable of using stone tools.
On balance, I feel more for Neanderthals.
Your comments have been submitted for review.
I wonder if they’ll object to my Doughy Pantload reference.
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Anvils! Get your red-hot anvils here!
Ah, he’ll be fine if Obama gets elected. Everytime a brown guy looks at JoWad he’ll shit two columns about how President Obama has caused a rapid deterioration of race relations in the U.S.
This just in: Every Republican voter in the U.S. has been placed on round-the-clock suicide watch.
Huh? Looks like Jonah Sixtubs is further dividing the political landscape. Not only are there Republicans but there are Repubs who might be popular among Democratic and Republican voters (Chuck Hagel, h8, h8!) and Repubs who are only popular among Republican voters.
I do hope Camp McPOW adopts the “Screw the Swing Voters” statergery.
Reading Jonah now is like watching a man drown. He’s spent and struggling and going under, grasping at imaginary straws, beating the water with his hands. It would be sad if it weren’t so damned funny.
Well, he’s always come across like that, but I do agree that it’s worse now. Have pity, though. Think about what the current Republican position has to be:
“Okay, so…like…I know we’ve had 8 years of near-total Republican dominance of the government. I know that our current President has basically turned out to be, well, an incompetent moron. I get all that. But I just think, I really do, that we’ve all got to go out and vote for this really old and cranky guy. I know we all criticized him to death for being a maverick until about 18 months ago, but forget all that. I mean, don’t forget about the maverick bit, but forget that we hated the maverick bit. Look, with any luck he’ll kick off early and be replaced by the pretty lady. Okay, she’s not really ready to take office and she doesn’t know anything, but I just don’t think that matters. I grant that the last time we elected an inexperienced know-nothing it didn’t matter so well, but this time it’ll be better. I really think so. After all, she shoots moose.”
I do hope Camp McPOW adopts the “Screw the Swing Voters” statergery.
Uh, they adopted it when they nominated Palin. Had they gone with Lieberman or whoever instead, they could’ve captured the swing voters who were nervous about Obama’s experience, disliked the Repubs, but were willing to see McCain as “different”. He flipped ’em the bird. So it goes when you’re a maverick, I guess.
First, I thought Biden did an excellent job – it was no contest. Not much of a Biden fan previously but he did raise my opinion of him.
Nonetheless, I have to admit that when I read Jonah’s column this morning, it did seem less idiotic than normal. Partisan, sure, but absent the glaring absurdities he regularly twists himself into. I didn’t gain any respect for him but, for once, I didn’t mutter “I can’t believe the LA Times gives this guy a column.”
About a minute later my mind caught on to what Vic so succinctly noted above. Jonah masterfully captured his own game as only someone awash in that perspective can. Did he just use his own bio and do a search and replace on “Goldberg”/”Biden”?
I’m sure next column, when he goes back to a topic other than himself, it will be the type of trainwreck I’ve come to expect.
Pantload gets ripped a new one in the comments – seems it’s not 2003 anymore … but don’t tell him that, it’d spoil the fun!
Perhaps – but one in particular seems to stand out.
It’d be kind of surreal if she was forced to step down as Governor, yet stayed on McCain’s ticket … but I wouldn’t put it past someone who’s convinced that this is historically accurate.
Shorter Wingnuttia: But this is different!!11!
Wow, talk about conservative projection. I guess he reads a few liberal blogs, since he threw in the Being There reference, but against Biden!
Is Jonah’s blog sponsored by Frito-Lay?
Is Jonah’s blog sponsored by Frito-Lay?
Just the opposite. Jonah supports them.