An Island of Suck in an Ocean of Shit

So…how’s that $800 billion dollar bailout of the American financial sector working out for the economy, hmm?

Yeah. About that.

The part that has me so nearly speechless about this whole thing is that this is what the market looks like after the Democrats in Congress completely crumbled under the endless whinging from the fascist-fringe of the Republican party to remove all the oversight on how these funds were going to be handled. We essentially just handed a trillion dollars over to the financial sector of the American economy with little more than a “Mazel Tov!”, because we were told if we didn’t, the entire world would implode in a fiery nexus of death*. And this is what the markets look like today.

For reference purposes, I’ve found a training video demonstrating the playbook that Paulson, Bernanke, and Wall Street have used to put this flaming bag of poo on our doorsteps. In this video, Terry Jones plays Hank Paulson, Michael Palin plays Ben Bernanke, and Graham Chapman plays us. Not seen in this clip is George W. Bush, who also plays us.

I don’t even have the energy left to be disgusted at the total spinelessness of the Democratic party in this situation, because I don’t expect any better from them at this point. The party really is an island of suck in an ocean of shit – no one really wants to be stuck on an island of suck, but we all cling to it because we have even less desire to drown in an ocean of shit.

I think I’m going to go drink now.

*For those of you who think the “fiery nexus of death” rhetoric is perhaps outré, please don’t take my word for it. Just watch this:


Comments: 55


This probably isn’t a good time to tell you that Paulson put a 35 yo pal from Goldman Sachs in charge of Operation Smash & Grab.

Forget I mentioned it.

James K. Polk, Esq.

When life gives you a sea of shit, the only thing you can do is make a VAST SHIT MOAT.


Bailout, bailout, bailout, boys.
You ask for bailouts, we make the noise.
A boom, bust (jump and turn to the left).
Hey, a boom, bust (jump and face the back).
Hey, a boom bust (jump and face the right)
Can you sell it?
A boom, bust (face the crowd)- Okay!


Clearly, these disastrous financial times are the result of an elaborate conspiracy between Wall Street and teh liburl mediuh.


The man with the $700 billion dollar wallet’s name is actually Neel Kashkari? Cash-and-carry? Are they serious? I feel like I’m living in a Christopher Guest mockumentary about American politics.


It’s now time for the cartoon.



Shortly after the bailout was passed, the Paulson files mysteriously vanished from his home.


If ONLY we could stand up; say, “This is Silly!”, and stop the sketch.


Wait until the false-flag terrorist attack in a couple of weeks. The ratings are going to go through the roof.


It’s now time for the cartoon.

It’s been playing in DC for some while now – whatttaya have your eyes closed or sumpin?

They steal and steal,
and steal and steal and steal
The right wing kleptocrat shooowwwww


um, to the tune of itchy and scratchy, of course…


But in all seriousness. $700 billi is nothing compared to the $60 trilli in speculation-tainted assets.

We will all be poor soon. Rest assured.


….”A few of us were told that there would be martial law in America if we voted no.”- Rep. Sherman

“Nice country you got there, be a shame somethin’ should happen to it.” -Dick Cheney


I can’t tell you how many “progressive” acquaintances derided me for opposing the Big Giveaway — “It’s a Democrat plan to save the world. Get on board!”

If I weren’t disgusted to the point of immobility, I’d give them a kick in their collective “progressive” nuts.


Don’t confuse Mules and Progressives, my good man.


If I weren’t disgusted to the point of immobility, I’d give them a kick in their collective “progressive” nuts.

You *do* know that some people actually get off on that kind of thing? Those on the receiving end no less. I think they’re mostly republicans but one can’t be sure. Maybe we could wire up their junk and do some tests.


$60T? More like $600T.

Also, beyond the $700 Billion give away, the Fed is tossing in $900 Billion in loans today, as well.

Oh, joy.

Plus this little gem at the end…

In another move, the Fed said it would let an unidentified bank buy assets from affiliated money market market mutual funds, which also were not identified. The Fed, in a document, redacted this information along with how much in assets the bank would be allowed to buy from the funds. The move is aimed at enabling the funds to meet redemption requests without having to sell assets into the “currently fragile and illiquid money markets,” the Fed said.

Gotta love the transparency.


$700 billion?! Shit, we’ll have to kill 4.7 billion wolves to pay for that!


Mostly I confuse Mules and Pumps. One has no back. I always forget which.


Oh come on.. This isn’t the worst thing Georgie Bush has spent a trillion dollars on. Not by a long way.

Just be thankful nobody has nuked Iran yet.


Oh come on.. This isn’t the worst thing Georgie Bush has spent a trillion dollars on. Not by a long way.

Just be thankful nobody has nuked Iran yet.

That’s in a couple weeks. Let’s face it: McSame is going to lose without one hell of an October Surprise.


“..some stockbrokers say…”
Stockbrokers are the new cabdrivers.
Say, that’s not a bad idea…


If I weren’t disgusted to the point of immobility, I’d give them a kick in their collective “progressive” nuts.

Let me get you a match.

(large file)


Sockpuppet, I’m willing to bet that’s the october suprise, or the January 19th surprise. Sort of a “So long, suckers! Here’s the ONE THING you thought we wouldn’t do!”


And if this weren’t bad enough…

“Opening up the health insurance market to more vigorous nationwide competition, as we have done over the last decade in banking, would provide more choices of innovative products less burdened by the worst excesses of state-based regulation.”

John McCain, quoted in Krugman today.

John McCain, holding up the banking industry as a model to be emulated.

John McCain, espousing “innovative products” like ARMs, CDOs, CDSs and CBOs that have us on the hook for over $10 trillion.

John McCain, derisively dismissing the regulation that helped the US economy become the strongest in world history before being crippled by plutocrats in industry and Congress.

John McCain. Ladies and gentlemen. Still polling in the 40s. I think I’m going to throw up now.


Jeez, Jillian, RELAX, OK?

I mean c’mon, it’s just another trillion on the national debt.

The Reagan era bonds are just coming due. Iraq Veteran’s benefits are another couple trillion. We’re one small blunder away from $250.00 oil. We don’t make anything but movies and burgers, and all we do for a living is sell shit to each other. Our infrastructure’s crumbling and our schools are turning out yet another generation of illiterates.

The most fundamentalist of religious belief systems have become by far the most popular, along with their sectarian hatreds and anti-science doctrines.

In a couple years, as you force down the last spoonful of rancid dog food and curl up in the burned out rubble under a torn plastic tarp, offer a hopeless prayer that you don’t get raped again tonight by the roving bands of human predators, as you doze off into a fitful sleep broken by bursts of gunfire two blocks over, you’re going to think back to this week, this VERY week and think what a wonderful time this was…



The man with the $700 billion dollar wallet’s name is actually Neel Kashkari? Cash-and-carry?

Yuh-huh! I guess Alan Takethemuneeandrun wasn’t available.


Aww, mikey, you always talk so purdy!


Here is another fine video illustrating how we actually got talked into it.


Ever get the feeling you’ve been had?


The system isn’t broken.

Its fixed.


I’ve got an idea.

Pay the banks their 700 billion in monopoly money. It’s appropriate isn’t it?

And in a few years, monopoly money will be worth more than the US dollar anyway, so the banks get a pretty good deal there.


Belize, bitches!


I was saying this was a swindle from minute one. (I’ve got some priors in the “identifying trillion-dollar swindles” department.) But some nitwit hadda show up on my blag and lecture me that noooooo, the bailout really was too going to save the world and I obviously don’t understand economics and it really is such a huge crisis that the US government just hadda do something now now now and not now but right now.

We’ll see who’s the putz six months from now when I’m wringing out my clothes from being financially pissed on (Canadian banks are among the safest in the world) and that dude is face down and floating like he got hit with Urinecaine Katrina.

Shit Moat Salesman, Conglomerated Shit Moat Sales, Inc.

Hard times, they are a coming.

Fortunately for you, we here at Conglomerated Shit Moat Sales, Inc. understand that there might not be a whole lot of cash around to purchase the ironclad security of a fecal vandalism deterrent barrier.

We are pleased to announce the following price reductions, all reflecting a thirty percent savings, effective immediately!

Moose And Squirrel: $2.59/sq. ft.
Purebred Dog: $2.49/sq. ft.
Mongrel Dog: $2.09/sq. ft.
Cat: $1.99/sq. ft.
Horse: $1.49/sq. ft.
Pig: $1.29/sq. ft.
Cow: $0.99/sq. ft.

Prices include installation are regardless of style. The flagship Tuscany remains by far our most popular motif.

Don’t forget to ask about combinations and our new line of exotic species such as hummingbird, sperm whale and komodo dragon.

The Shit Moat is the most cost-effective vandalism deterrent on the market today.

It allows the prospective criminal to smell your fear from a great distance, and says in no uncertain terms that this homeowner won’t tolerate any ______shit! The only worry you have is what type of shit and how you want it presented.

Leave the rest to us.


Maybe we can put a shitmoat around Wall Street.


I’ve got a great idea. How about three weeks before the election we start trashing ALL Democrats even harder than we are now, so that the truly progressive ones and the Bush Dogs become very hard to tell apart, then we all vote for a cousin as a write-in instead of a good progressive or a “better of the two evils” Bush Dog. That’s GOT to work, right?! There’s no WAY McCain and all the Repub reps/senators would win if we did that!

This is why the Republicans win elections. Liberals are freaking whiny little bitches that know better than anybody how to cut off their noses to spite the faces. We FAIL so fricking hard if we let Bush’s forced bail-out hand defeat us this election. F*CK US if the repubs win.


P.S. I hate the bailout plan too, but now is not the time to whine like a little baby that lost it’s binky. You like losing $700 billion thanks to deregulated banking industry? You are going to LOVE losing another trillion or two to McCain’s deregulated health care industry! YUM!


Concern troll, 1 o’clock.


Ooh! Ooh! I know! I know!

gesticulates wildly

Because if we don’t march in lockstep and think as a hive, we want the other team to win?

Shit Moat Salesman, Conglomerated Shit Moat Sales, Inc.

“Maybe we can put a shitmoat around Wall Street.”

We are in intensive negotiations with several major investment banks, mortgage brokerages and hedge fund managers.

After all, the machine gunners on your country estate will be far more effective if the advance of the pitchfork and torch carrying mob is slowed by a giant lagoon of shit.


Lord knows there’s enough of it floating around these days.


You think a mere shitmoat will stop us? We have been wading through bullshit for the past 8 years.

Headstand Specialist

Wading?!? You’ve been wading?!?!?!



You’re just a little ray of sunshine today, aren’t you?

Shame that that actually looks pretty optimistic to me.

Smiling Mortician

fecal vandalism deterrent barrier

Mine doesn’t work. I mean, I’m just saying.


The down market today tells us nothing about the rescue plan and its potential efficacy. If the markets were up, would that prove that it was a good plan? Of course not.

Bad post.


Cow: $0.99/sq. ft.

False economy here.

The cow product has no deterrent effect on a range of subgroups – including gauchos, Masai, seismic line crew workers…


If it makes you feel any better someone snuck a provision into that bill that at the treasurers discretion, he can take preferred stock options in the company in exchange for buying the bullshit.

Someone should ask Obama how he feels about that provision. It makes the shit sandwich much tastier, and have a bunch of greedy pigs howling.


It’s what happens when you wait until the ship’s under the surface before you turn on the pumps.


An Island of Suck in an Ocean of Shit

BEST HEADLINE EVER. This one should become standard. (Applies to Canada too)

Shit Sandwich Salesman, Unified Shit Sandwich Sales, Inc.

“Someone should ask Obama how he feels about that provision. It makes the shit sandwich much tastier, and have a bunch of greedy pigs howling.”

Oh yeah?

What the fuck makes YOU think you have a clue as to developing the taste of a Shit Sandwich?

We here at Unified Shit Sandwich Sales, Inc. work tirelessly around the clock to bring you the finest in bread-and-feces hunger reduction systems.

You got a recipe? Bring it. We have over 20 distinct Shit Sandwich varieties, from the Cornhole Club to the Rip Roaring Runs Reuben.

Put your Shit Sandwich where your mouth is. If it’s really tasty, we might be able to reach some sort of accommodation.


I’d say Eric Idle plays Bush, nein?

“I’m not a pacifist, sir. I’m a coward.”

Bozo the Cocksucker

Shut up, you eyetie.


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