Lieutenant Koko, Reporting For Duty!

Well, now we know why the scientists keep making them:

The American military is working on a new generation of soldiers, far different from the army it has. […]

The robot soldier is coming. […]

His colleague, Jeff Grossman, spoke of the evolving intelligence of robot soldiers. “Now, maybe, we’re a mammal,” he says. “We’re trying to get to the level of a primate, where we are making sensible decisions.”

Innocent primate?

Mr. Pless: Mr. Kramer, he is an innocent primate.
Kramer: So am I. What about my feelings?

Then again, if we can get bathroom monkey, surely we can do this. Let’s just hope that the monkeys primate soldiers don’t start writing “MONKEY HATE NEOCONS” in red lipstick on the walls.


Comments: 10


Ugh. Stop the planet of the apes — I want to get off!

teh l4m3

Get fresh @ the Basic Cable Hair Salon!


Robot soldiers?
They can’t possibly think this is a good idea — didn’t they see that recent big-budget Will Smith vehicle??

These robots will teach fat white people how to dance!


Not all chimps make rational decisions, right GW?


Guess whose family makes money off of the killer robots?

The SWORD robot is made by Foster-Miller.
Foster-Miller was bought by QInetQ in Nov. 2004.
QInetQ has as one of its major investors the Carlyle Group.


From the Bulwer-Lytton contest:

The countdown had stalled at T minus 69 seconds when Desiree, the first female ape to go up in space, winked at me slyly and pouted her thick, rubbery lips unmistakably–the first of many such advances during what would prove to be the longest, and most memorable, space voyage of my career.
–Martha Simpson, Glastonbury, Connecticut (1985 Winner)


If they make them too smart, there’ll be a lot of robots in Canada. I hope someone is working on a “blind nationalism” function.


In the future, wars will not be fought on land or at sea. They will be fought in space, or possibly on very high mountaintops, by robots.

As distinguished graduates of Rommellwood, your job will be to build and maintain those robots.


One day, they’ll come up with the robot soldier with the intelligence of a house cat. At which point the robot soldier will hear a command, peer up at its maker, narrow its eyes, and haughtily strut away.


Why yes, of course. As soon as we finish programming their positronic brains with violations of the laws of robotics, we can all roast giant marshmallows and eat big bowls of whiffenpoof.


When you get to hell, tell ’em Itchy sent ya!


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