Shorter K-Lo
Posted on September 26th, 2008 by Brad
- Sarah Palin should stop trying to pretend she knows what the hell she’s talking about.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Wow, hard to keep up with the ‘nutosphere today. Can’t wait to see what they’re like after the debate.
K-Lo’s column is a loud, clear cry for help.
She’s just on the brink of realizing that the Palin pick was a great, big, cynical, political ploy. Of course when she finally comes to that realization, she’ll have “I told you we shoulda picked Mitt!” to break her fall.
Yumpin Yiminy! They’ve lost Parker. They’re losing K. Lo. I mean, K. Lo! fer fucks sake!
Gotta pop over to freeperville to watch their heads ‘splode.
Also, was we havin a widdle pwobwem wif da soiver?
Funny, the shorter I got from her article was “Sarah Palin is a powerful, female leader, but the poopyheads who are telling her what to say and the poopyheads who are interviewing her are making her look bad.”
A bit like they are making McCain look bad. Honest, it’s just the press and the handlers – the candidates are rock solid and ready to lead, if they’d just stop paying attention to their darned advisers!
That was awesome.
“If you want to put out that house fire, you’ve got to let the firefighters spray kerosene on it! That’s what firefighters are FOR.”
Read the last paragraph of K-Lo’s piece. This is the closest that her fragile, fractured psyche can come to admitting that Palin was a disastrous mistake and should be off the ticket. She just needs a big strong man to take her by the hand and lead her to that knowledge.
PeeJ, please stop back and give us a full report from freeperville. Godspeed and thank you for your brave service to the cause.
We must burn the village to save it.
She’s way ahead of you Quaker
I’m torn, honestly.
What would cause the most damage to the GOP chances in November? Would it be better to leave her there, so that she can keep digging them deeper into the low 40’s and beyond, or would it be better if they made her decide to opt out, at which point the religious right would literally fire up the torches and gather the pitchforks?
The low-watt female editor stands athwart her chamber pot and gibbers about the low-watt female nominee. Wow. I’m surprised the aggregate stupid didn’t create some sort of tear in the fabric of space-time.
Oh, and for those of you who were smart and didn’t click the link, I give you this little morsel from the last graph:
“Sarah’s really awesome and everything even though she sees really dumb and if she is really dumb it’s only because those stupid men are making her look dumb but … O MITT! MITT I MISS YOU!!! I’LL NEVER FORGET YOU!!! [Sob!]”
Sad.
When, like K-Pax, you lose the Flying Nut, K-Lo, it’s over!
Palin’s lost Kathleen Parker too.
http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=MDZiMDhjYTU1NmI5Y2MwZjg2MWNiMWMyYTUxZDkwNTE=
The Republican Ladies have spoken. Mooseburger is cooked.
LET PALIN BE PALIN!!!111!!1!
plus, watch if you dare: I am Sarah Palin
K-Lo’s throwing Palin under the bus to save McCain. That’s—sweet.
Please go back and re-read KJ-Lo’s screed, and after you do, please explain to me just what the fuck this is supposed to mean …
I’ve gotten a sense that she can take a fight. That she has some good instincts. That she clings to her Bible and her Second Amendment and the Obamas wouldn’t get her. I like all that about her.
The Obamas are coming after her guns and bibles? Are they gonna steal the downs baby too, so that they can sacrifice Math Class on the altar of gay-homo-abortion-commies?
What would cause the most damage to the GOP chances in November? Would it be better to leave her there, so that she can keep digging them deeper into the low 40’s and beyond, or would it be better if they made her decide to opt out, at which point the religious right would literally fire up the torches and gather the pitchforks?
Tough call. If he drops her he loses the base and what little credibility he has with everyone else. Zero percent chance to win in that scenario. If she stays on the ticket the campaign will continue the downward spiral death by a thousand gaffes. There is a third option: he could have her eliminated in a staged moose hunting accident.
HaHa! McCain has already won the debate! woohoo!
If he drops her he loses the base and what little credibility he has with everyone else.
Depends on who he gets to replace her – if it’s Mitt, I agree.
I hear Daddy Dobson’s available!
There is a third option: he could have her eliminated in a staged moose hunting accident.
Heh, it would be funny if she were hunted down by a moose, like Skippy the Kangaroo in Crocodile Dundee.
He could replace her with Huck Huckabee. That would appease many of the same right to fantasy folks out there. Might lose some faux feminists though.
That Russia answer with Couric. Oy. It was a loaded question to be sure.
A loaded question? On what planet?
LET PALIN BE PALIN!!!111!!1!
Sarah Palin is Manny Ramirez.
bless her heart, poor thing. She’s doing the best she can.
He could replace her with Huck Huckabee.
Maybe not now.
From CNN’s Political Ticker.
If he drops her now, can the replacement be legally recognized in each state’s ballot, or is it too late in some/most/all jurisdictions? I’ll bet they have a countdown clock of their last possible bail-fail date, and that the bloodletting behind the scenes in making this choice is both ugly and copious. Heh.
He could replace her with Huck Huckabee. That would appease many of the same right to fantasy folks out there. Might lose some faux feminists though.
Just the the act of dropping the VP pick would irreversibly destroy McCain’s candidacy. He would not recover from that no matter who he picks as a replacement.
Huck might have been a good choice. The Christians like him. But he’s not purty like Sarah – let’s face it, that’s 75% of her appeal with the base. Also, was labeled as a tax-and-spender by his rivals during the primaries.
If he drops her now, can the replacement be legally recognized in each state’s ballot, or is it too late in some/most/all jurisdictions? I’ll bet they have a countdown clock of their last possible bail-fail date, and that the bloodletting behind the scenes in making this choice is both ugly and copious. Heh
There must be provisions for replacing candidates late in the campaign. I mean what if a VP candidate were to die? Like in a moose hunting accident?
“I absolutely refuse to watch another Sarah Palin interview.
It’s not because I don’t like the lady and don’t want to hear what she has to say. In fact, it’s exactly the opposite. It’s because I want to hear what she’s about and what she believes in and that’s why I won’t listen anymore.”
What? How the hell does this make any kind of sense? Did she teleport in from Bizzarro World to write this? I mean, what the hell?!
And remember how unbelievably popular she was when she was selected to be JiSM3’s running mate. Just goes to show, the one greatest asset a Republican running for office can possibly have is obscurity.
PROTIP for the GOP: Nobody likes who you have running for office. Lots of folks are still sympathetic to your “vision” of tax cuts and kicking the Mexicans out, but that jack-holes you have carrying those ideals to the people are (quelle surprise) TOTAL ASSWIPES. You gotta turf the lot of them and start over from scratch – building a new party around a fresh batch of greedy insensitive bigots.
Is there a mercy rule in VP debates? You know, like in little league, if one team is ahead by enough points they just call the game? Cuz, otherwise, the Veep Debate is going to get really really painful to watch. It’ll be like those moments in the UK version of the Office when you have to turn the sound off and peak through your hands because everything that comes out of David Brent’s mouth is so cringe-inducing you actually start to feel ill.
The debate might actually go badly for both Biden and Palin though. If she gives answers like the ones she gave in the Couric interview and then the moderator turns to Biden and says, “And your response Senator?” What the heck is he supposed to do? How do you even make a coherent argument against someone who may as well be speaking in tongues? If he ridicules her, he’ll come off looking really mean, and we all know the GOP are a bunch of WATBs who love to play the victim card.
What I know that John McCain had pushed for, more troops? A counterinsurgency strategy? And he said, yes. And he also showed great appreciation for what America and American troops are providing in his proclamation that he would allow a second Holocaust, for one. Israel has to be getting along. Again, my understanding is that my son has made a decision. I am so proud of his independent and strong decision he has made, what he decided to do this and we do about it. No way, not Americans. We do not believe in American ideals, and they are our next door neighbors.We need to – especially with new leadership coming in on January 20, being sworn on, on either ticket, we have got to show the support, in this evil, in this post-9/11 world, where we’re able to go back and forth, we do. It’s very important to us and they attacked us and they are our next door neighbor. But NATO, I think, should include Ukraine, definitely, at this time.
I’m not sure that McCain has any good choices at this point. If he replaces her with someone more moderate, he loses the base (putting Florida, North Carolina, and Virginia at risk) and doesn’t stand to gain much (New Hampshire?). If he keeps her, she’ll continue to drive away centrist voters who doubt her competence, and the base will slowly lose its enthusiasm for her as she keeps embarrassing herself. We now have K-Lo, Kathleen Parker, and Rich Lowry all expressing doubts about her, and I’m sure there are more to come.
In retrospect, McCain would’ve been much better off picking a moderate to begin with. The base would still have been ticked at him, but not as ticked as they will be if he betrays them by throwing over Palin. A solid, reliable moderate could’ve pulled away voters who doubted *Obama’s* competence; the base, though pissed, would probably still show up to fend off the Scary Negro Socialist.
Weird election, that’s for sure.
This is too good to be true. You mean America is getting over the lipstick stuff and actually paying attention to things like substance and qualifications?
It’s backfiring, liberals, and you should be very worried about that.
Hey, biatch, you layed down with dogs, so don’t blame us for your fleas! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Umm, how so is Biden sounding like an idiot?
I’m really asking, because I simply haven’t heard much coverage at all. IIRC he criticized his own campaign’s ad, but that’s all I know.
I imagine, though, that Biden used complete sentences with verbs and nouns.
I suppose its asking too much for Da Troof to back up his statements.
Sadly, no, moron! EPIC FAIL EPIC FAIL EPIC FAIL
I absolutely refuse to watch another Sarah Palin interview.
It’s not because I don’t like the lady and don’t want to hear what she has to say. In fact, it’s exactly the opposite. It’s because I want to hear what she’s about and what she believes in and that’s why I won’t listen anymore.
During the next Palin interview K-Lo will have fingers in both ears, eyes closed, chant “La, la, la, la, …” and be soothed by visions of the Virgin Mary in lipstick and frameless glasses.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
What a dope!
What the heck is he supposed to do? How do you even make a coherent argument against someone who may as well be speaking in tongues? If he ridicules her, he’ll come off looking really mean, and we all know the GOP are a bunch of WATBs who love to play the victim card.
Yeah, the VP debate is probably going to be painful to watch….
I think that instead of attacking her directly, he should try to be as clear and as firm as he possibly can. He can still show through tone of voice and body language that he thinks she’s a blibbering ninny,
Moderator: So what should we do about our economy?
Palin: Well, uh, tax…tax reform relief…see…lower taxes to reduce taxes, no picnic panic, sluther blugdoo, flummerty schlinker, bladaba fip. *earnest look*
Biden: I think this is one of the most critical times in our nation’s history. As I’ve said before, I don’t think we should give 700 billion dollars to the big corporations that caused this mess. Barack Obama and I propose a five-point plan: [enumerates the points with two sentences for each]. Now, Governor Palin and I agree on points one and two, or *slight grimace* I *think* we do, but points three, four, and five are critical to protecting the American people.
Of course, Biden is incapable of this. Clinton could’ve done it in his sleep. Bleah.
K-Lo’s got a little bit of a point here: at least some of Palin’s problem is that whatever mental acumen she had to start with has been fried to a crisp by cram sessions led by McCain’s hacks. Evidence for this is how bad she stammers through even the easy questions; she seems to be fumbling for the McCain answer, not her own answer.
They could have given her some briefing materials (on the Rick Davis stuff, Walnuts’ career in the Senate), turned her loose, and sat back and seen if she has any natural game. It would have been risky, but the result is unlikely to have been worse than the Gibson/Couric interviews.
All Biden may need to do is ask politely:
Could you repeat that, please?
Hilarity ensues…
Free Sarah Palin!*
*With the purchase of one of equal or lesser value.
Void where prohibited.
Offer not valid in Alaska or Hawaii.
Yeah, the VP debate is probably going to be painful to watch….
Oh, see, I disagree.
There they go again.
If reality is not to their liking, it must be reality’s fault!
Joe Biden is obviously the superior nominee of the two, but he’s got that off-the-cuff loose-cannon thing. It’d be a mistake for him to indicate with body language or facial expressions or sarcasm his contempt for Palin and her flibbertygibberty nonsense. It’d turn some people off to see him ridicule her, I think. Yeah, I know, kitchen and heat and all. I’m just sayin’. Biden needs to stay rigidly focused on his smarts and experience and program points. Governor Lipstick will suffer enough from her own self-inflicted wounds without Biden rubbing salt in ’em.
I’m not going to rub myself, you know.
On second thoughts, maybe I will.
Oh, my dear lord: that “I am Sarah Palin” by the Malkin / Atlas Juggs nutbags was so, so, so awful. Just awful. So, so, so, so awful.
That’s an understatement.
They couldn’t get more women to participate? I mean, even with bribes?
Goes for Obama and Biden both. McCain and Mrs. Palin are self-destructing in public; all Team Obama needs to do is look sane and stay out of the way.
I thought Malkin was John Doe. Now she’s Sarah Palin, too? Who else is she?
She could be Alice the Goon.
“Conservatives are inclined to love Palin. Hard-working, all-American family men and women who don’t have their head full of left-wing theories about Republicans are frequently warm to her — if not outright excited.” K-Lo
Hard-working and all-American are just about the last 2 things anyone would use to describe the GOP fantasy family K-Lo described above before her Fruit of the Looms moistened to levy-breaching levels.
I have mulled the possibility, admittedly farfetched, that because McCain despises the Religious Right, he wants to lose the election on purpose just to stick it to them.
“You see, I picked one of your kind [Palin], and looked what happened?”
I think it’s just what happens when you go to Crazy Base World.
Free Sarah Palin!*
*When you also order Extra-Large McFries & a Regular McShake. Vendor not responsible for side-effects. Use only as directed. Caveat emptor.
The VP debate really is going to be appalling. Biden’s will have to walk on eggshells, and that is not one of his strengths. Palin still cannot be underestimated. At this point the bar has been so lowered that if she manages subject-verb agreement people will be sighing with relief.
I do think it’s interesting that it’s the Republican women who seem to be turning on Palin. Were they horrified when they discovered just how much of an affirmative-action pick she really is? Or is it just that women feel more free to criticize her?