Just let society collapse
Posted on September 26th, 2008 by Brad
Seriously. At this point, you might as well just let the economy collapse so we can start hoarding all our worldly possessions in tiny shacks while using large quantities of firearms to protect them from roving bandits. To do anything else would only be delaying the inevitable, since President Sarah Palin will surely finish us off if Bush doesn’t get around to it.
The question now becomes, which post-apocalyptic world would you find most appealing? The choices are:
- A Boy and His Dog:
- Escape from New York:
- Mad Max:
- Omega Man:
Personally speaking, I’d love to have a telepathic dog. But if I had a pimpmobile like Isaac Hayes in Escape from New York, I’d be pretty tempted by that as well.
Thoughts?
UPDATE: Before any of you suggest The Postman: don’t.
Yes, gotta go with the telepathic dog.
While my geek side is drawn to the great amounts of free time offered by the Omega Man scenario.
Let’s add more telepathic higher animals, and some other intrepid refugees to hang out with, and we’re there.
Ted’s Head — as a Sox fan, I’ll be sure to come down to Arizona and unfreeze you once I develop a proper cyborg body for you — in return, you will serve as my personal body guard/WW II-era fighter pilot against the roving bandit hordes. Oh, and you’ll also autograph my Red Sox hat for me.
Sound like a deal?
If we’re gonna do the cannibalism thing, I’d recommend the “Wall Street Fat Cat”, medium-rare. Better marbling in the meat.
Also, probably avoid the “Working Class”, especially those raised in PA. Because they’re, you know, “bitter.”
Ooooh, a cyborg body?
Will there be baseball?
How could you forget the great movie-in-a-movie from Strange Brew? “I’m like a radioactive mutant, eh. And I’m like an enemy of all civilization!”
If it’s like The Road, I’m taking the wife’s shortcut.
I can drive a bulldozer, so in a Soylent Green future I’ll be able to live out the harsh future as an oppressor. I’m already a state employee so it’s a natural progression.
Apes as pets? I know all the dogs will be eaten, but there really aren’t enough gorillas, chimps and orangutans to even lead to the time when they’ll be willing to even handle menial labor without constant supervision. Honestly, we can barely teach our own kind to be civilized. If we had apes as pets, they’d just become experts at reality television and live their lives as social critics, and then Bill Donohue will have competition. And they’d have more keyboards!
If it’s like Zardoz, I’m going to conduct all business naked rather than put on those ridiculous loincloth/boot combinations. Though I would compromise and sport the moustache. And the tan.
I wouldn’t recommend that anyone move to Eloy, Arizona. There’s probably a nearby abandoned mining town called Morloc.
The only apocalypse I will acknowledge is the one where people keep impersonating me.
I’ve always wanted to try the black leathery S&M look, so I’ll go with Mad Max. Really, as long as there are no Flying Putin Heads, I can deal.
Will there be baseball?
If we can escape the roving bands of thugs for three hours to get a game in, then sure! Sure there’ll be baseball! Know of any other legends with frozen heads that we can unthaw? Mickey Mantle? Joltin’ Joe DiMaggio? Jackie Robinson? Stan the Man Musial (or is he still alive)?
I’m hoping for the “Homega Man.”
I painting my walls with lead paint right now.
I can’t wait for the Ferraris!
Cyborg body AND roving bands of thugs?
I see wonderful possibilities.
Why stick with frozen heads? Ask any great player for a shot at Rollerball, and they’ll give you their heads.
In the meantime, I’m going to see what other heads are lying around… it’s hard to see through the foil…
The Postman novella by David Brin was actually rather good. The movie was pretty awful. My vision for the future is Soylent Green. It’s People! Can’t get much more populist than that…
I say Children of Men.
I won’t re-write everything your machine thought was spam.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDou01X5d28
Go there to see Bill’O scream at lying right wing radio fat cats who are lying to you that this bailout is ‘socialism’. He also threatens to break Barney Frank’s finger, but the point is that it’s really fun to hear Bill’O lose it screaming about the right wing radio fat cat liars.
Waterworld?
I’d say you could do a lot worse than a V8 XB Falcon coupe but then I guess you’re feeling like you’re deciding between burning to death or sawing your ankle off at the moment, so I guess I’d be wrong.
The Postman novella by David Brin was actually rather good.
Yep. Unfortunately the Cosner Effect was in play for the movie.
I’m thinking more The Time Machine myself. Eloi, it’s what’s for dinner.
Since “Waterworld” has been taken I’ll go with either “Shawn of the Dead” or “Damnation Alley”
I’m also inclined to go with the talking dog, though I’d be willing settle for a Mad Max scenario as long as Sarah Palin dons that steel-goalie-mask thing worn by the Humungus. I presume her redneck future son-in-law will play Wez. I cannot recall if any of the MM films featured a senile old man who claimed to have been a POW.
I’m sure you all know this, but apparently Blood the talking dog was played by Tiger from the Brady Bunch. I am uncertain what to make of this particular piece of trivia, but it seems a very disturbing sign of things to come…
C’mon, where is the love for that most greatest bestest coolest bad-ass-est of movies of all time (not quite post apocalyptic but who cares)???
WOLVERINES!!!!
Dawn of the Dead. I’ve been practicing, man. Let me at those fucking zombies.
I’ve got a root canal scheduled for next Friday, actually. Apocalypse? Pfeh. Can’t come soon enough.
This pic’s for you, Brad.
My own transcript of the good part of Bill O’Reilly’s anti-rightwing rant:
No, I’m not making that up.
I am shocked and mortified that you have overlooked The Bed-Sitting Room.
This product endorsement was brought to you by Thwaites Liberation beer.
What about the “hell” scene from Constantine? The open-skulled demon soul-eater things remind me of the Young Republicans.
Damn, El Cid.
If only he’d added, “Fuck it! We’ll do it live!”
El Cid, I actually caught that live on the radio yesterday. I’ve never been so happy that I couldn’t find a decent song playing. That was comedy genius. You could hear the veins throbbing out of his head. Combined with the complete lack of self-awareness, it was like the Corner on Meth. Gold.
Perhaps the ruling classes could offer to plug us all into an imperfect but relatively prosperous virtual world, feed us on our liquified dead compatriots and then use our biokinetic energy to run their SUVs and HD widescreens. Then I could finally learn kung fu.
Also, Six-String feckin Samurai. Find your own feckin youtube clips.
This is L. H. Clyde, opening another bottle of ESB and heading for bed.
If you listen to the O’Reilly clip, I think that at the very, very end, you hear him either choke, gag, throw up in his mouth, or at the very least stumble from being out of breath, and say he’s gotta take a break.
I’m going to have to go with the “Demolition Man” scenario myself. Taco Bell and Sandra Bullock? Both are so tasty!
FYWP does not like my links to Cherry 2000 or Hell comes to Frogtown, both of which sound like names of Belgian beers.
Dawn of the Dead. I’ve been practicing, man. Let me at those fucking zombies.
Pah, those zombies are for wimps, even your grandmother with her zimmer frame could outrun then, It would be far more fun going up against 28 Days Later zombies
I know it is only a dystopian society rather than a post-apocalyptic one, but I always fancied being Harry Tuttle. If it does have to be a post-apocalyptic society, I’d go for being a “trog”.
You could go with Humanoids from the Deep, if your idea of apolcalypse is reptilian creatures chasing large-breasted, shirtless and braless women.
For some reason, the humanoids were only interested in chasing women with big tits. They pretty much left the flat chested ones alone.
That is some serious cognitive dissonance, not just for him, but for me listening to him say these things.
You know, you get used to thinking that all of these people are of the same monolithic ideological stripe (which thinking is a trap in its own right, of course), and then something like this happens.
Ow! My brain-meats!
I know it is only a dystopian society rather than a post-apocalyptic one, but I always fancied being Harry Tuttle.
Who are you kidding? We’re there already. What is the Iraq War if not a huge Buttle/Tuttle incident?
I’m voting for The Omega Man, because
a) I’m a misanthropic bastard, and
b) the soundtrack music is way cool.
Second choice would be Escape from New York with Carpenter’s stock electronic movie score before he re-used it in everything he did afterward.
Or maybe Phase IV. I welcome our new ant overlords.
Legally Blonde.
What? That’s not a dystopia?
The novella version of “I am Legend” is the tits.
But I’m going with “Night of the Comet.”
You seem to think this post-apocalypse thing is something for the future.
All you need do a take a ride through Gentilly, the Upper or Lower 9th Ward or New Orleans East and you can see the real man-made thing.
Oooh, Billy accidently told the truth. The scariest thing here is the prospect of losing the flood of credit from China, and inevitably Japan and everyone else. Then even the rich idiot fat cats will be belly-up.
Bill’s economic philosophy might have changed since he became 10 million dollars poorer.
I loooved Hell Comes to Frogtown (Sandal Bergman kicks THREE balls!) but I have a very soft spot for Demolition Man. A highly underrated satire.
Uh…hello?
Planet of the Apes, baby. (the original, of course, not the Marky Mark one).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cmw6Jne0tAQ
No matter the dystopia, it is best to hang close to Charlton Heston. That dude is a survivor.
That dude is a survivor.
Too bad he’s dead.
Yeah, if it gets to “The Road” territory, I’m with jon up above- see y’all later.
Brad, you remember the day in Boston last December when the snowstorm basically caused the city to go Lord of the Flies for an entire evening? If they pull out the nuclear card, I think we’re screwed up here.
Brad, you remember the day in Boston last December when the snowstorm basically caused the city to go Lord of the Flies for an entire evening?
Yes. I only survived it because it happened on a Saturday night, and thus I had the warm comfort of imaging Tom Brady’s bulging biceps and cleft chin throwing touchdowns to Randy Moss the very next day.
This year, I won’t even have that.
*SOBS!*
I think William Gibson’s seminal novel Neuromancer is a good reference. In fact, I was thinking of reading it again; the last time I read it was in 1984 or so.
What is with the puny clips? As they would say if movies were blog entries, “Watch the Whole thing.”
Boy and his Dog:
http://www.archive.org/details/A_Boy_and_His_Dog
Omega Man (well, OK, Last Man on Earth, but based on the same Matheson story):
http://www.archive.org/details/the-last-man-on-earth
I think William Gibson’s seminal novel Neuromancer is a good reference.
Good choice! Awhile back there was a little discussion here about how the first line is one of sci-fi’s most amusing now-obsolete images.
I’ll second the Children Of Men vote. Can’t stand the little buggers anyway.
What about “Canticle for Liebowitz”?
If not, I’m leaning toward Omega Man. But… Do I get to be Charlton Heston? Cuz I’d be cool with that, but I don’t want to be one of the Mathias zombie mutants.
I was really disappointed by the one-dimensionality of Will Smith’s zombie mutants. To really enjoy an apocalypse, you need worthy adversaries.
The problem with Escape from New York is that under the neo-cons, Snake has no place on which to land or take off. I would like to be Duke of New York, though.
The (kinda) end-of-time scenario I see now is They Live.
The Sell Out
>I say Children of Men.
I second this vote; If I hafta live in a post-apocalyptic world, I want a King Crimson soundtrack.
The only difference between the world today and all the good post-apocalyptic worlds, is that this one still has too many pointy-haired bosses. I thought was always the largest part of the appeal of the post-apocalyptic novel or movie: Upper and middle management and debt-holders got wiped out, and it was up to the last remaining family or last remaining person to forge a new world. They were also freed from punching the clock for some job they needed to pay the mortgage or rent.
I second Night of the Comet. Because girls just wanna have fun.
>I say Children of Men.
I second this vote; If I hafta live in a post-apocalyptic world, I want a King Crimson soundtrack.
I say Metropolis so at least I won’t have to listen to the motherfuckers. Power to the people; TO THE HEART MACHINE!
Or The Stand. I like my post-apocalyse scenarios to come with lots of free consumer goods.
I’m hoping for something slightly better than Cormac McCarthy’s “The Road.”
I’d suggest the world of Paranoia/Alpha Complex. We’re close enough to it as it is.
Susan of Texas–
I got through half ( = 500 pages) of The Stand before I decided my reading time was best spent on something else, but the fantasy of being able to go into any store and just take what you want still lingers.
How about Riddley Walker? You can freak people out with nothing more than a puppet show.
The question now becomes, which post-apocalyptic world would you find most appealing?
Cyborg, of course.
How about “Bladerunner”?? The off-worlds have opportunity still!
[…] But which end-of-the-world scenario is right for you? It might seem like tidying up before the zombies arrive, but the kids over at Sadly, No! remind us that there are many options to choose from, including The Omega Ma…. […]
You guys are talking like the end of the world is yet to come.
Watch “Shoa.”
Teh Wizard of Oz, but without the waking up in Kansas.
Logan’s Run?
I think William Gibson’s seminal novel Neuromancer is a good reference.
Good choice! Awhile back there was a little discussion here about how the first line is one of sci-fi’s most amusing now-obsolete images.
What? Obsolete? The sky above the port is a sharp blue with a big green MUTE floating in it.
Day of the Triffids?
Reign of Fire? Star Wars is oral history plus dragons!
The Computer is your friend.
Personally, I vote for Hardware, but that’s probably just me…
The Sheep Look Up.
“Prexy’s” speeches will seem depressingly prescient.
As long as its not like Robocop. Clarence Boddicker was the scariest bad guy in any movie.
Criminy! We’re living in that NOW!
1931’s Things to Come, 2d act…
I’m going with the post Apocalyptic scenario from the MacKenzie Brothers movie.
I have to agree with Anthony that the V8 Aussie Falcon would be tempting from MM, but Bladerunner DOES have the offworld colonies to consider.
Logan’s Run?
Only if we can put the entire Executive Branch on Carousel. I’d pay handsomely to watch Cheney explode.
I expect we will shortly hear Palin muttering about “fish, and plankton, and protein from the sea”…
Mad Max, although World War Z would be nice, it ends with Karl Rove scooping up cow pies for a bio-fuel plant.
ooo! Or Snowcrash! I’d love a job working for the Mafia in the high powered world of Pizza Delivery.
Just as long as it’s not The Stand.
The White Plague would totally suck, too.
And I won’t even mention that Hubbard novel.
(Can I write in Hell Comes to Frogtown?)
In lieu of recreating the post that got eaten by the bitbucket, I’ll just nominate Footfall, since I could totally build a nukyular spaceship.
I gotta go Mad Max. Bust out the leathers’n’feathers and raid the enclaves of people who put some effort into surviving on their own.
@Galactic Dustbin, I don’t think society had collapsed -enough- in Snow Crash for it be a viable choice here.
You are right Snowcrash is too close to our world.
Soylent Green:
The rich, having already eaten the poor, will be forced to consume each other.
Mad Max 2 (aka The Road Warrior) for sure. I want to be the Gyro Captain.
“That’s *my* snake, and I’m going to eat it! Get yer own!”
“Copulate, from the latin copula or ‘to join’…” – Blood
I vote for Vic & Blood 2008 – “We can has all ur daughters!”
Seconding Protected Static’s nomination of Hardware. Radiation-free reindeer steaks! Lemmy as water-taxi driver! Tom Friedman would get an entirely different perspective on the world if he talked to more taxi-drivers like Lemmy.
WTF?!? You kids are slipping. This thread been open how long & no one has mentioned Zardoz.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zardoz
I’ll tell you something, when I was growing up we had a dog that looked just like Blood. Man, that was a great dog.
Come on, not Zardoz? 🙂
As long as it ain’t The Road, because dear lord that shit was bleak.
I’ll heartily second Canticle for Leibowitz and Riddley Walker, particularly because the latter features steamy, older-woman/younger-man sex. If you’re going for Boy and his Dog, gotta go for the real thing, ie the book. I don’t want no Don Johnson’s in my apolcalypse, thank you very much.
On the movie front, the Australian answer is Smoke ‘Em If You Got ‘Em. The world’s ending? So party! It’s the Australian way.
And on that note, how about Apocalypso? It’s a special dance!
Drat. No Don Johnson’s in my apocalypse.
Many apologies for the incoherence. I just got up.
If the republicans win, I’m going to go for Terminator.
what? no cherry 2000? starring melanie griffith not as the sex android?
Has anybody been considering video game worlds? How about the future time from ‘Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time’? For a post-apocalyptic world, it was quite nice. I could live there happily.
Seconding Six String Samurai
>You guys are talking like the end of the world is yet to come.
“It’s after the end of the world. Don’t you know that yet?” – Sun Ra
[…] I’m with Brad at Sadly, No! who gives us a choice of post-apocalyptic video clips to choose from (via Big Action): Seriously. […]