“We need God taking over our education system.”
The estimable Max Blumenthal does the leg work on Crazy Sarah Palin and her crazy-assed church:
On September 20 and 21, I attended services at the church Sarah Palin belonged to since she was an adolescent, the Wasilla Assembly of God. Though Palin officially left the church in 2002, she is listed on its website as “a friend,” and spoke there as recently as June 8 of this year.
I went specifically to see a pastor visiting from Kiambu, Kenya named Thomas Muthee. Muthee gained fame within Pentecostal circles by claiming that he defeated a local witch, Mama Jane, in a great spiritual battle, thus liberating his town from sin and opening its people to the spirit of Jesus.
Muthee’s mounting stardom took him to Wasilla Assembly of God in May, 2005, where he prayed over Palin and called upon Jesus to propel her into the governor’s mansion — and beyond. Muthee also implored Jesus to protect Palin from “the spirit of witchcraft.” The video archive of that startling sermon was scrubbed from Wasilla Assembly of God’s website, but now it has reappeared.
And here it is:
For those unwilling to sit through the whole thing, I will provide highlights:
5:00: “We need God taking over our education system. If we have God in our schools, we will not have our kids being taught how to worship Buddha, how to worship Muhammad. We will not have in the curriculum witchcraft and sorcery.”
5:35: “The other area is the media. We need believers in the media. We need God taking over the media in our lives.”
7:00: Holy crap is this getting weird. Palin is now on stage and being fully blessed by Crazy Witchfighter Guy to be God’s instrument in government. He’s praying that she be used as a tool to combat witchcraft.
Oh lordy is this weird-ass shit. God, if you truly do love us, you will not let this woman anywhere near the levers of power in this country.
I call new Witchfinder General position.
“…we will not have our kids being taught how to worship Buddha, how to worship Muhammad. We will not have in the curriculum witchcraft and sorcery.”
I freely admit dozing during large parts of my education, but I must have been unconscious to miss all of those lessons. All I remember is the multiplication table, long division, and my third-grade teacher speaking of American exceptionism in tones of trembling sincerity that I did not hear again until my first encounter with oral sex.
Maybe we can set her up on a closed TV set and make her think she’s won the election. It’d be educational to broadcast what her plans for the country were going to be. I figure she’d order someone to rev up some death camps before she even sat down at the desk…
I’m perturbed most of all at the presence of the Kenyan witchfinder gentleman. In other parts of Africa, evangelical christianity has been associated with some pretty nasty witch-hunting enterprises, which in many cases have targetted children for exclusion or sometimes even worse fates.
I’m not saying this gentleman is up to no good in that sense; for all I know he may be perfectly OK in that department. It might be worth looking into what exactly his one- man crusade to save his town from witch-craft consisted of.
It’s amazing how thin the line is between funny and terrifying.
in the curriculum witchcraft and sorcery.”
You mean like science and math and stuff?
Harry Potter books, no doubt.
I don’t know about you guys, but I’m watching this from one of your empire’s far-flung outposts, and this Palin woman is actually beginning to scare me. . .
It might be worth looking into what exactly his one- man crusade to save his town from witch-craft consisted of.
I think he harassed and put out of business a woman he blamed for causing him to have a flat tire.
No, really.
We will not have in the curriculum witchcraft and sorcery.
Vinegar and baking soda totally makes you invisible and you can go into the girls’ locker room and stuff.
Having grown up in the Alaska fundamentalist community, I can say this is not too far out of whack for the regional norms. Get ripped during the week on speed and weed, and then mark your absolution by babbling in tongues on sunday. Kind of like DC, come to think of it.
And the resultant rush of power propelled him all the way to…
…the Wasilla Assembly of God??
Here’s a link to a UK story about the witchhunt.
Basically, it sounds like Muthee, trying to establish his congregation, picked out a local fortune-teller and accused her of being a witch because several car accidents happened near her place of business, then caused the police to harass her until she left town.
You know what would really be funny? Tell the Right Reverend No One Expects The Kenyan Inquisition that Sarah Palin has a third nipple* and see how he reacts.
*A sure sign of a witch in the good old days.
What I’ve never understood is where these folks get the hubris to so blithely believe that “God” would give a flying fuck about humans generally, much less some self-proclaimed “God’s Chosen” subset of the species.
And yet, they call secular folks “humanists”.
“Drinking the Kool-Aid” doesn’t even begin to cover it anymore.
Here’s another link that quotes a published account of the witchhunting – the account is favorable towards Muthee, which, in my opinion, makes it even more chilling.
If you boil it down and take into consideration the local culture and politics, Muthee did in Kiamba, Kenya pretty much what Palin did in Alaska – come in, demonize an established rival in power, create a slanderous whispering campaign, and use the power of authority to harass your enemies.
No wonder she likes him.
I can’t wait until we start pressing suspected witches to death.
Time to get back to the good old days.
-GSD
As a middle-aged woman who does not go to church, I vote “hell, no” for witchhunts. The last thing we need in this country is nother excuse to let the stupid run wild and free.
Wait. I’m confused. I thought that brown preachers were the devil AND Flush Limpbags told me all Kenyans are Arabs.
CHECK THE KERNING!
No, no. The two situations are totally different. Wright blamed white men. This dude blames women.
Quick! Summon the Witchsmeller Pursuivant!
I can’t wait until we start pressing suspected witches to death.
Yeah, no shit.
You know what I blame this on the breakdown of? Society.
No, no. The two situations are totally different. Wright blamed the jew of liberal fascism. This dude blames women.
Fixed.
Muthee gained fame within Pentecostal circles by claiming that he defeated a local witch, Mama Jane, in a great spiritual battle
He was probably in rehab and misheard “Mary Jane”…
He misheard and thought she was Mr. GreenJeans. He defeated her with ping-pong balls.
A gallon, a GALLON, A GALLON of stable boy’s blood!!
With our advanced waterboarding technology, our mighty nation can take the lead in the international war against witchcraft.
USA! USA! USA!
Ah yes, witch-hunts: the original real-estate scam.
Bet you dollars to demons there’s plenty of good God-Fearin’ Christians that’d just love to see a revival of that particular folk-tradition … especially if they get to scoop up the loot & land of the “witches” they’re slaughtering, for pennies on the dollar. Before long I’m sure the mere possession of good land or a schnazzy car would be enough to qualify you as one of Lucifer’s Little Helpers.
I wonder if Muthee got some similar form of “reward” from the local townfolk to thank him / keep him from declaring THEM witches. Yeah, that’s one sweet scam, alright – works both as a property-flip & a not-so-subtle protection-racket.
“Nice farm ya got here, miss – it’s be a real SHAME if someone were to find you casting hexes & summoning demons … but I’m sure a little “loan” (heh heh heh) to my church will make you right with God.”
Too fucked up.
Cannot process.
They cut out the Sorcery elective right before I started high school and now my dark magic skills are FOR SHIT.
Heaven forbid that our kids learn of anything but his brand of Jeebus. Of course, what he calls witchcraft we normally refer to as “chemistry”, “physics”, “biology”, “mathematics” and the like. Maybe the good pastor would like to step out of the 12th century and into the 21st one day.
I vote for throwing this guy into a volcano.
That will appease the Angry Volcano Gods; plus, it should be good for some grins.
Wait a second, these people are afraid of Harry Potter, male wizard, also.
Carry on, then.
SARAH PALIN: FIGHTING WITCHCRAFT SINCE 2005
Dude, they don’t even need witches any more. There was a period in my life when I was forced to attend a relative’s Fundy church. Their little corner property backed onto (and had probably been purchased from) a convent that had a few acres of land.
These freaks interpetated the Holy Jibber Jabber and Surprise! Understood that God wanted them to drive out the nuns and take the property. They talked about it and what they would do with the land and how they couldn’t wait for the “sign” that told them the time was right to move in on the evil nasty servants of Satan’s representative on Earth, a lot.
Please don’t think Mugerbee or WAG is unsual. Every Sunday good little TalEvans all over the U.S. of A. go to church and listen to the Good News: Hooray! God Hates Everyone Except Them!
And in case you’re wondering, this all took place in a tiny little nowhereville called Washington, DC.
This rocks. I’m a polyamorous bisexual pro-choice Wiccan carrying on a long-term interracial relationship with a polyamorous bisexual pro-choice atheist. You know what this means, right? We’re destroying society even as we speak! Bow down before us! The line for minion applicants starts here.
“OB-GYN Kenobi said,
September 24, 2008 at 17:13
I vote for throwing this guy into a volcano.
That will appease the Angry Volcano Gods; plus, it should be good for some grins.”
Oh great. And I suppose that means, for reasons that don’t quite make sense, it’s up to ME to shlep him to Mordor. Oh all RIGHT. Let’s get started.
Oh please. Demonizing a candidate for associating with a crazy black minister is so last summer. Borrring. New narrative please.
The sad thing is that this isn’t just some run-of-the-mill wingnut like Pastor Swank we’re talking about, it’s the actual candidate for the actual vice presidency. What’s next, Marie Jon’ as Secretary of State? Coach Dave as ambassador to the UN? Kaye Grogan as Secretary of, The! Interior?
I do wonder what Independent Voters will make of this.
I got three indignant emails on Monday, about Palin making women pay for their rape kits.
Now I can see them & raise them.
I can’t wait until we start pressing suspected witches to death.
Time to get back to the good old days.
You must mean the witch orgies, right?
Sounds good except for the devil farting in your face and all.
Maybe it’s just me but how is this weirder than most other christianist practices? I know it’s a black guy talking about witches. I guess that’s scary but seriously, I see things like this posted and it’s supposed to be example of the fringe of christianity. From where I sit, it’s not. It’s a lot of christianity. This is just one more example of way modern christianists view their place in society. Whether prosperity christians ranting about jeebus making you rich or some other whack-a-loon praying over school children to protect them from the worldly boogeyman. It’s all the same. Yes, *SOME* christians don’t buy into this but my point is a whole shitload of them do, or are at least affected by this kind of bullshit.
I think part of what we have to do is not present as some crazy fringe but as what it is, christianity today. Face it. Whether catholics threatening hellfire and worldly retribution on biology professors or asshat pharmacists that won’t fill birth control scrips, it’s christianity flexing it muscles in wider social domain and saying, “we get to make the rules now” And all of that should disturb the fuck out of the rest of us that feel jeebus doesn’t get to make the rules for all us.
Oh please. Demonizing a candidate for associating with a crazy black minister is so last summer.
The video of her being anointed with the task of combating witchcraft is WONDERFULLY off-putting. It’s not that the priest’s a kook, it’s that Palin is his instrument in the witchcraft wars. When I get home maybe I’ll excerpt that bit. There’s plenty of mileage there for the American Public’s Attention Span when filtered through the comedy writers of every late-night talk-show in America.
SARAH PALIN: FIGHTING WITCHCRAFT SINCE 2005
Add to that:
JOHN MCCAIN: UNNATURALLY OLD
some run-of-the-mill wingnut like Pastor Swank
Of Pastor Swank, I think thoughts, some amusing, always, no.
…just practisin’ my Swankese…
MCCAIN 2008!
TRANSFER OF POWER 2010!
Y’know…this could be a good thing. Most Americans are actually pretty tolerant at the end of the day. There seems to be about 5% that scream about the most bug-eyed crazy shit, but it’s mostly behind doors or even when it’s in the open people respond “whatever, dude”.
But when you push people too far, then go pretty quickly from “whatever, dude” to “ok, I’ve had enough of your shit, shut the fuck up and go away“. Palin’s entire philosophy of life puts her on that track. The more people hear, the more they get sick of her and the more the 5% double down. They’ll be in full screeching rant by Nov, but the rest of us will say “shut the fuck up and go away” so they can back to good old “whatever, dude”.
Do these folks have a tax exemption?
Maybe it’s just me but how is this weirder than most other christianist practices?
It’s weirder – in practice – because you need to assert witches and witchcraft. Other weird practices just don’t have the instant kookiness value. Note also the not-positive phrase “witch trial”.
Or how about…
MCCAIN/PALIN: EVEN MORE FUCKED-UP THAN BUSH/CHENEY
[…] you can’t sit through the whole thing (I couldn’t), Brad helpfully posted the highlights so you can skip around: 5:00: “We need God taking over our education system. If […]
You know what would really be funny? Tell the Right Reverend No One Expects The Kenyan Inquisition that Sarah Palin has a third nipple* and see how he reacts.
*A sure sign of a witch in the good old days.
I’m a sorcerer? Wow, I did not know that.
So last night the Spouse and I were having dinner at a restaurant and in come two perfectly nice-looking middle-aged couples. They sit down in the booth next to ours and immediately the guy seated behind me starts telling Obama “jokes.”
Here’s my question: How to deal? I thought of “accidentally” spilling my ice water over my shoulder, but Spouse hates it when I make public scenes. I instead had to settle for shooting him a smolderingly hateful look on the way out. I’m sure he was devastated and will no longer tell racist “jokes” in restaurantts.
Suggestions? Cuz this stuff happens all the time. We’ve got more than our fair share of Bigby’s 5 percent down here.
That’s tricky. Maybe a burst of coughing to drown them out?
Start telling Racist jokes.
Q. Why did the racist tell the racist joke?
A. He had to tell it before he forgot it because he didn’t know how to write it down.
> Suggestions? Cuz this stuff happens all the time. We’ve got more than our fair share of Bigby’s 5 percent down here.
There are some threads at DU on this very theme.
This video is going to recieve national recognition in the US, right?
I’m a sorcerer? Wow, I did not know that.
Please call down a lightning bolt on that yappy little dog. Thanks.
Mz Nicky; my ex-girlfriend totally teed off on a guy in a very nice restaurant once and it was beautiful.
I was in the Houston Airport making a connection and the cranky, puckered woman in front of me started getting all shirty about the ‘spic’ behind the counter in the food court (because she didn’t fill her soup to the tippy top…the clerk said: “the fill line is below the top to avoid spillage, ma’am and you’re getting the full, whatever, 12oz amount”. She turned to me and said “these mexicans come up here illegally and take our jobs and now they think they can disrespect us!”. I said: “shove your racist bullshit up your ass; she treated your more respectfully than you deserve”. She looked like she was going to choke.
BTW, I’m sure Houston Airport hires illegal aliens to work inside the terminal.
Sooner or later you have to stand your ground. I’ve been at ball games with drunks shouting expletives and said “hey, buddy, cheer the team, fine, but cut out the f-bombs; there are little kids around here!”. 99% of the time they’ll apologize and 1% of the time they’ll want to fight (I’m Mr Statistics today…99.9% of the people around you will back you up against someone who’s Totally In The Wrong).
Wow. Just yesterday I finished reading James Morrow’s The Last Witchfinder I recommend it without reservation.
As I was drifting off to sleep (or maybe I was passing out, it’s hard to remember) last night, I was thinking about the fact that Revelation *still* rules over Reason for a frightenly large percentage of our population.
McCain / Palin
Because you can’t have the rapture without an apocalypse
Also, WordPress is the fifth horseman of the apocalypse.
He’s praying that she be used as a tool to combat witchcraft.
He turned her into a newt, but she got better.
Interviewer: Ms. Palin, what is your position on bibliomancy?
Palin: Well, Charlie, I guess it… What exactly do you mean by bibliomancy?
Interviewer: According to the dictionary, it means doing magic with books…
Palin: Obviously, that’s evil, anti-American, and must be kept out of our schools…
Interviewer: …such as the Bible…
(Palin’s head explodes)
The End
God in school to fight Witchcraft, eh. Won’t happen. Not enough in the school budget for God.
Good luck getting those athletic department dollars away from Quiddich programs.
What do you call a racist who’s fixing his roof?
Shit on a shingle.
What do you call a racist’s swimming pool?
A shitmoat.
Hmmm, it has possibilities.
MzNicky, when it comes to private conversations in public places, how much are they trying to be heard by the people around them? There are times when you “can’t help overhearing”, but you know that it’s none of your business, so you keep quiet. But if Obama-joke dude was blaring his jokes through a bullhorn, then he’s fair game, IMO.
The fact is, this is a liberal smear job.
How about God on the internet to fight witches? On a large scale. Globally. We could call it “World of War-craft.”
If I could just remember where I put my Paracelsus Trident, I’d offer up my services as Palin’s Pricker. Not to be confused with Palin’s prick.
ABRACADABRA
I hate to be cynical (it just comes naturally) but I can’t help wondering if there was a “special offering” collection at this service and how much the Witch Buster took in.
Then I have to wonder how many other churches this flake in a suit hits during the course of a year.
You want Me to spend My time teaching your spoilt children?
We think well of ourselves, don’t we?
You know what’d be the best chain email evah?
Accuse the McCain campaign of using Sister Palin to win the election, even though he’s planning to replace her with Joe Liebermann President immediately afterward. Put lots of complaints about how evengelicals get used every election and ignored the rest of the time, then suggest writing in Sarah Palin.
Where is my hand? It was here in my pants a minute ago, now it’s invisible.
He’s praying that she be used as a tool
Mission Accomplished
I hope the witchhunts won’t be the end of the Supernatural Justice League warfare. There’s demons and giants and angels and devils and all sorts of cool creatures in the Bible. I’m gonna get me a demon to exorcise, like “Bobby” Jindal. Why should he get all the bonus points in the great World of Witchcraft battle?
“The fact is, this is a liberal smear job.”
Oh, so you want the schools to turn our children into librul witchez and stuff.
I hate when I don’t close my tags. Clearly I have offended the Flying Spaghetti Monster in some way. Maybe it was the plate of pasta carbonara I had for lunch.
This nonsense shall cease immediately or I will turn you all into toads.
Actually, my opinion of her just went up a little. I mean, heck, fighting witchcraft? That would actually be kind of a cool thing for a president to do.
I mean, the best Bush ever did was vow to protect us from the threat of human-animal hybrids.
Will she also fight against killer robots? And sharks? What about sharks with lasers attached to their heads?
I’ve already got the stool. A moat full of it.
I’m gonna get me a demon to exorcise
Only 15 minutes a day will shed those unwanted pounds!
Oh, exorcise…
By the way, it’s all very easy for you people to make fun and mock. But just you wait until your village is overtaken by a witch. Or a cat demon. Or a jabberwock! Or one of those tricked out cat-demons with lasers attached to their heads.
You think Barack Obama is gonna purify your well and preserve your cattle from possession by something like that? Dream on.
Didn’t I tell you she into witchcraft? Huh? Didn’t I? She named her kids Willow and Piper, for crap’s sake. But no, it was all “Pooh, pooh, withcraft! Pooh, pooh, Wicca!”
I stand (well, sit and slouch) vindicated.
ribbit
You know, I might agree with these people that God should take over our educational system.
The only problem is, God has not been returning anyone’s request for an interview to look over his CV, and see what his possible aims and goals are.
All we got is these weird church people telling us how qualified God is as an education innovator, but if so, why can’t we actually deal with God himself? He’s not even signing off on any notes saying that these people are his designated spokespeople.
I sense a scam.
Again with the question of vetting. I can imagine the McCain campaign spin on this: “We think it is a good thing to be protected from witchcraft. Don’t you?”
This video might gain traction in all those E! type tabloid TV news shows. They love crazy-ass stuff like this. That would hit a demographic that maybe haven’t been following Times/Post editorials..
Sooner or later you have to stand your ground. I’ve been at ball games with drunks shouting expletives and said “hey, buddy, cheer the team, fine, but cut out the f-bombs; there are little kids around here!”.
Briefly noting that I was once scolded in a hardware store by a nine year old kid who had overheard me say “heck”. I turned to his smirking mother and explicitly pointed out that his presence was why I hadn’t said ‘hell’ and would appreciate it if she taught the kid some manners. “Well, *he* knows he’s not allowed to use bad words in public!” she huffed.
I’m still baffled. “Heck”? Really? Now I just say “hell” and fuck ’em. If they’ve somehow been protected from bad words they won’t even know what it means and if they haven’t, they’ve heard far worse. Especially in a hardware store. I don’t say “fuck” in public much, and I don’t run into Chuck E Cheese and swear there, but a hardware store? There are *tools* with more explicit names than the word “heck”.
And MzNicky, I like to start loudly discussing with my partner how sad it is that some people are still ignorant enough to tell racist jokes, and speculate pityingly on what kind of physical deficiencies make them overcompensate like this.
Go ahead, blame us. We’re used to it. Just remember which one sends messages and which one get them.
MzNicky,
How about “Excuse me sir, would you mind not telling racist jokes while I’m trying to enjoy my dinner? Thanks so much.”
I had a friend who grew up a missionaries kid in africa. He told me it was a common thing for evanglists to come in and claim they had defeated a village witch with the power of christ. Usually they make it sould like something out of the exorcist, or a Harry Potter duel, with the witch summoning balls of fire and snakes and other crazy shit.
These guys should hook up with the drug companies to put local traditional doctors out of business. Because what is traditional medicine but witchcraft?
Which isn’t to say I’m real down with traditional medicine. It would actually be pretty cool to supply viagra to all the places assholes kill rhinos and tigers and bears and elephants for parts to make thier peckers stand up better.
Sooner or later you have to stand your ground. I’ve been at ball games with drunks shouting expletives and said “hey, buddy, cheer the team, fine, but cut out the f-bombs; there are little kids around here!”.
A few years back, a Michigan resident was arrested for cursing in the presence of women & children, based on an archaic Michigan law. I’m not arguing your point, it just reminded me of that story.
We’re an odd bunch of monkeys in pants, aren’t we?
STOP PICKING ON BIBLE SPICE!1!!
I say that “heck” is acceptable for mixed company in a country that sells hummers on TV.
Pants?
“This rocks. I’m a polyamorous bisexual pro-choice Wiccan carrying on a long-term interracial relationship with a polyamorous bisexual pro-choice atheist. You know what this means, right? We’re destroying society even as we speak! Bow down before us! The line for minion applicants starts here.”
OK, but only if we can watch…
MaineMan said,
What I’ve never understood is where these folks get the hubris to so blithely believe that “God” would give a flying fuck about humans generally, much less some self-proclaimed “God’s Chosen” subset of the species.
And yet, they call secular folks “humanists”.
Hehindeedle; I once had a fairly reason-friendly God-botherer suggest that I consider the idea that I was ‘arrogant’ for not believing in God. The snappy reply that I didn’t think of until later was, “Well, according to my philosophy, I’m an animal – a hairless ape; an insignificant meat robot wandering around on a dirtball for absolutely no reason. According to your philiosophy, you’re a special chosen child of God; a member of the supreme species of all creation, sitting on a unique planet that’s located precisely in the centre of the Universe, fulfilling your part in some grand cosmic plan. So who’s arrogant?”
We need God taking over the Fed. We need God halting the dollar’s devaluation.
bah…nothing new. The GOP has been the party of religious nut bag since the 80’s. Just check out this:
http://www.gorenfeld.net/book/
God may not be damning America, but he’s garnishing our checks something fierce.
Act now on this one-time offer! Buy My Shitpile is offering Freedom Pundit free of charge! No money down! No money ever! Don’t pass up the deal of a lifetime!
Nothing new here. The GOP has been the party of religious nutcases since the 80’s. Just look up “Bad Moon Rising” in Salon or Teh Gazoogle.
We need God taking over our education system.
Too many pillars of salt really messes up the grass on the soccer field.
i just wanted to thank the folks at the Sadly for giving me so many wonderful laughs. your ablity to stomach this garbage and then put it into such fucking funny shit…..really you have my heartfelt thanks. keep up the great work. i look forward to each post. thanks.
Yes, but has he turned anyone into a newt?
kiki –
Yeah, most Fundies I’ve met seem to have missed that Jesus “I am meek and humble of heart” thingie.
I’ve long thought that Fundies are anti-Evolution because the theory implies that the process could have resulted in some other species becoming sentient and dominant instead of humans. And it still might, should we humans completely screw the pooch through destroying our environment or turning each other into smoldering, glow-in-the-dark bone fragments. I mean, between now and the day the sun blows up, there’s probably enough time to rerun the program another couple dozen times.
So, in evolutionary terms, humans ain’t nuthin’ special – which more or less fubars their whole argument and basis of their political theory.
4.55: Did he just call me a cunt?
I’m a polyamorous bisexual pro-choice Wiccan carrying on a long-term interracial relationship with a polyamorous bisexual pro-choice atheist.
I can haz video?
Actually, my opinion of her just went up a little. I mean, heck, fighting witchcraft? That would actually be kind of a cool thing for a president to do.
OK, am I the first to call Palin, “Buffy”?
I say that “heck” is acceptable for mixed company in a country that sells hummers on TV.
Agreed. Overheard in a Toys R Us last November:
“But we agreed *I’m* getting him the Hummer for Christmas. You can get him the dinosaur. I just think Hummers are cooler from your dad than your mom.”
My partner had to physically remove me from the aisle because I was dying laughing.
“I nationalize strategic companies and get criticized,but when Bush does
it, it’s OK,” Hugo Chavez said on weekly television program Sept. 21. “Bush is turning socialist. How are you, comrade Bush?”
Yes, but has he turned anyone into a newt?
A late friend of mine, back in the day, used to turn whole villages of Southeast Asians into smoking abrasions in the mud on a fairly regular basis. Don’t recall him ever mentioning that he used witchcraft, though. And he never thought of himself as God, as far as I know.
Hugo Chavez has been watching too much Jon Stewart.
Or maybe, not enough.
I can haz video?
Absolutely not. I’m not letting some camera steal my soul.
OK, but only if we can watch…
Did I mention the poly thing? Participate or get the hell out of the bedroom!
I am SO shutting up now…
I can’t see these mofos winning this election. No way, no how. They will LOSE. God is not on their side.
That’s why they’re not trying to win, Lesley. They gotta steal.
So, it turns out Sarah Silverman was right – Jesus is magic.
Sarah Palin has a third nipple
Sarah Palin is Krusty the Clown?!?
I told you guys that Assembly of God was a bunch of snake-waving Jew haters.
What, did you think I was just making shit up?
He’s praying that she be used as a tool to combat witchcraft
I’m thinking it’s Grampy McCain who’s the “tool” in this thing. Srsly, I wonder how it feels to know that a big chunk of your nuttier “supporters” are praying for you to win the election and then drop dead of a massive (but merciful) coronary on January 10th, 2009 so your batshit crazy fundy nut job running mate can take over?
D Sidhe and I are old friends.
Oh, count me among the “witch-marked” as well. Just one more reason to be scared for my fate if the scary folk win the election. I may end up a toasted marshmallow one day.
Just had a “breaking news” item pop up from the Seattle Times. McCain seeks to delay debate to focus on economy
There’s no article up yet. It’s developing.
I may end up a toasted marshmallow one day.
That would be terrible, he said while hiding the graham crackers and chocolate chips behind his back.
Years ago, sitting with my Dad one early morning sipping coffee, I said musingly “After God created the coffee bean and the cocoa bean, I think he brushed his hands of and said he was finished, time for a vacation. THEY are his most perfect creation, not humans.” Being slightly deaf my Dad nodded and smiled.
The fact is; Alaska !
I hear McCain wants to delay the debates in order to perform some witchcraft on the economy.
There’s no article up yet. It’s developing.
All hail, Dark Lord Kos
Just had a “breaking news” item pop up from the Seattle Times. McCain seeks to delay debate to focus on economy
CNN is reporting the same story. Bless me (er, probably a bad idea to use that phrase on this thread), but I think it’s a good idea. I hate debates anyway.
Did I mention the poly thing? Participate or get the hell out of the bedroom!
I can haz address, please?
I guess someone convinced him that the crisis is real, that calling for the head of the SEC and the formation of a blue-ribbon committee are not enough, that action or the appearance of action by him and other Republicans is needed so that the Democrats don’t go into November as the sole party that saved U.S. capitalism from itself, and that repeating “Surge, surge, surge” and “Obama would meet with Ahmadinejad and Chávez, scary, scary men!” at the foreign policy debate would come across as a bit paltry when faced with a national economy on the verge of freezing and a currency on the verge of tanking.
S’more Candy . . .
As long as I don’t wind up in any peculiar recipes, RB.
Oh, God. Now Bush is going to make an address. Time to hide the money under the mattress.
MzNicky: Too bad you didn’t have a little kid with you. they are weapons of Mess Destruction! Just put the toddler close to the joke-teller… let her drop jelly and cheerios and what-not down his shirt, while asking in a loud voice “Mommy what is that thing on the man’s head? Does it hurt?” “Daddy, that lady is fatter than grandma…she looks mean!”
…oh, and don’t forget to give the kid some straws, still wrapped. Kids love to blow things thru straws, oh yeah…
… and if no kid around to help you, blow stuff at ’em thru a straw yourself. Works for me!
For meritorious performance on this thread, including “BIBLE SPICE” and “Comrade Bush,” I hereby award ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© teh intarwebs.
J – I don’t think so. What’s more likely is someone convinced him that the polling is turning very unfavorable. Look! A shiny thing!!!!!
Harry Potter said that if I point my wand at his trousers and cast Levitra Cialis I would get a nice surprise, but all it did was make his willy stiff.
A few days ago I was walking down the street downtown and a lady, utterly normal looking, stopped in her tracks and just started screaming about how we needed a president who understands democracy.
I kept walking, so I didn’t hear her whole manifesto and don’t know if she was a regular crazy (I live in San Francisco) or was just temporarily unhinged by this election. But the latter seems just as likely, cause after the first second of surprise I was massively envious of her capacity to just let loose with all the maddening frustration and the rage that’s built up over the past eight years.
Maybe I’ll go do some screaming down on Market Street on my lunch break today.
Witchfinder Corporal Clyde reporting for duty, suh!
We need God taking over our education system.
Parents sometimes complain about the bear-based system for maintaining classroom discipline.
Maybe I’ll go do some screaming down on Market Street on my lunch break today.
Take a soap box; that will lend you gravitas.
I’ve always wanted to do that. Maybe I’ll give it a go at the Farmer’s Market this weekend.
Is there a big problem with witchcraft in Alaska? Ya know, most of the so called witches that were used as kindling were just clever and smart women, something that asshole patriarchs couldn’t stand. I guess that rules out Sarah Palin…
Quick! Summon the Witchsmeller Pursuivant!
No-one ever wants to be Witchtaster.
If anyone starts collecting funds to buy Palin a copy of the Malleus Maleficarum, I’ll chip in a shiny new coin.
It might be worth looking into what exactly his one- man crusade to save his town from witch-craft consisted of.
See http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/1461.html.
It might be worth looking into what exactly his one- man crusade to save his town from witch-craft consisted of.
Is FYWP eating links again? OK, try this. He talked the local police into shooting the bad woman’s pet snake. Really.
D. Sidhe,
Re: The Hardware Store
You should have taken that opportunity to shout out, “Where’s the caulk? I’d like some caulk! Preferably black. Do you know where the black caulk is?”
Credits to Crankyankers.
Worthy suggestions all, dear SadlyNaughts! Next time I shall be prepared.
Unfortunately I no longer possess toddlers to do my dirty work for me.
Quick! Summon the Witchsmeller Pursuivant!
i cn be witchtaster plz?
Speaking of hardware and given the subject of this post, I guess Sarah P is more of a “hex” nut than a wingnut.
“We will not have in the curriculum witchcraft and sorcery.”
I didn’t study sorcery in school because I hate sorcerers, they have few skills, few feats, 2 crappy saving throws and d4 hit points. Sure you can cast “magic missile” a bunch of times a day, but that gets old real quick.
Yeah, once we get God in the classroom, those kids are gonna totally stop worshiping God, and start worshiping God.
Christians, Muslims and Jews are like little kids. They see somebody else coloring with the wrong crayon and can’t help but shout out “You’re doing it wrong!”
And then they murder the other kid and steal his crayons.
This guy is not a very good preacher; he has no passion in his voice. It’s like a lecture by a high school English teacher.
[…] Holy shit. […]
Here’s a bit on the lovely practice of witch hunting in Kenya:
An example.
Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.
Meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
ShouldKnowBetter–Love your SF screaming woman story. Thank you!
[…] here Sadly, No! ? “We need God taking over our education system.” __________________ […]
I’m afraid God is looking down at us and saying, “If you idgits have the least bit of sense, you will not let this woman anywhere near the levers of power in your country.”