Two More Shorters For The Price Of One
Posted on September 2nd, 2008 by D. Aristophanes
Shorter Byron York:
- The Republican base was skeptical about John McCain’s presidential credentials until he made the statesmanlike move of adding a pregnant teenager to the ticket.
Shorter Frank Gaffney:
- For now, we can only guess whether Sarah Palin is a member in good standing of our little bugfuck crazy cult of shitting ourselves over America’s impending dhimmitude, but circumstantial evidence suggests she knows the secret handshake. PS: She totally does. PPS: There is a Muslim with a beheading knife under your bed. PPPS: Almost forgot — they have invisibility powers. PPPPS: But you’re in luck! For a limited time, my latest book, ‘War Footing: 10 Steps America Must Take to Prevail in the War for the Free World’, comes with science-proven Invisible Muslim DetectorSpecs® included. PPPPPS: Buy my book or face beheading. PPPPPPS: By invisible Muslims under your bed.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Sweet Jeezus…. Gaffney:
I’m… speechless….
Learning by osmosis eh? Maybe I should sleep with a dictionary under my pillow then.
osmosis. Yes. So much more reliable than fancy words and speeches n’ stuff.
I had no idea that a battle more powerful than WWII, the Cold War, and the Battle of Wolf 359 put together was going on in Alaska.
Good Christians like us republicans don’t believe in heathen osmosis.
Osmosis schmosmosis.
We believe in divine intervention, like when Rev. Gary Aldridge was brought to heaven before he could complete the acts that the LIE-bruls had made him do.
Heh, I never imagined Twoofy as a fundie, he seems more of the right-wing/libertarian jerkwad set. You know, a low-level IT monkey in his 20s with an addicition to WoW. So, whoever put up the fake Twoof there, ur doin it wrong.
(Such are the perils of the comments RSS feed—Greasemonkey does not work there.)
I live pretty close to a big CDC office. Does this now make me know more about infection diseases than all the politicians who don’t live near one?
And if it works this way, what do I got to live next to in order to be qualified to be Preznit?
Or does this sort of learning “osmosis” only function for Republican Governors who are Commanders In Chief of their state’s National Guard (because, you know, Democratic Governors aren’t?)?
What I want to know is why President McCain hasn’t put any effort into hunting down this Osmosis bin Laden guy yet.
I have come to see the error of my non-Christian ways by the wonder of Sarah Palin.
She dropped from heaven!
Now, where the hell is the Kleenex?
I’m amazed. I would have bet serious money that he would have thought “osmosis” was a sexually transmitted disease.
I was born and raised in Washington DC. Therefore I know more about EVERYTHING than ANYONE.
I would have bet serious money that he would have thought “osmosis” was a sexually transmitted disease.
I thought it was a family of performers that was kind of like the Mormon version of the Jackson Five.
Osmosis?!
You’re soaking it in!
[Stupid jokes brought to you by the Department of Geeks Who Remember Way Old TV Commercials]
So does the close proximity of Frank Gaffney to Byron York in this post mean that Gaffney knows all there is to know about hair care products?
Maybe it’s just me but every time I see Byron York’s long, beautiful, luxurious hair it makes me want to lick his glasses.
And here you were thinking the Eucharist was just a silly ritual. If only there were some way to absorb the essence of a senior statesman like McCain.
Quickly! To the Ron Reagan International Airport restroom!
Osmosis? Huckashe’s daughter can tell us about the movement of liquids through a semi-permeable barrier!
Hey! This is cool. Being as how I have worked in close proximity to Intel all these years, I’m going to go home and make microprocessors in my microwave. I learned how by osmosis!
I’m gonna be RICH!!
mikey
Sit a frog on a dictionary and it will, via osmosis, slowly fill up with words and eventually explode, leaving a copy of Hamlet behind.
Shorter Byron York: these fundy chicks are faster than a crotch rocket!
RB – Actually, if you want Hamlet, you’d need a pig. With a frog you get Aquaman comix.
As that state’s governor, Sarah Palin would know more by osmosis – if nothing else – about the necessity for U.S. anti-missile systems
Wow, Alaska politicians have so much special knowledge! Mike Gravel has to be wearing out his mukluks with all the kicking himself for not playing it up.
RB, MaineMan — And with John McCain at the rally introducing Sarah Palin, you get Leer.
we need more investigation into this so called “face beheading”.
It sounds ominous.
For who would blear the wimps and scums of slime,
oprima dos, the Proustian contusion,
The prongs of disposed lunch, the Tom Delay,
The paperclips of Office and the spam
That peachy merit of the almondy takes,
When he himself might his hiatus take
With a bare blumpkin? Who would pole a bear,
To sweat and sweat under a sweaty sweater, ATH0 NO CARRIER
Reading these posts is making me stupider by osmosis.
That exploded monkey was overstuffed with win.
Of course Gaffney (CODENAME:CANDIRU) backs Palin.He is a long time agent of Moscow sent to disturb and derange the US polity.Just look at his policy prescriptions and tell me he wants the best for America.
We’re watching you COMRADE!!1!
Thinking back on all the shite and drivle from the likes of Assrocket, Wankee, Pammy et al that I’ve been subjected to courtesy of Sadly, No! linkage that piece by Gaffney has to be the lamest of them all. I mean, the preposterous “osmosis” point is actually the strongest argument he presents. Who the hell is that piece aimed at? Anyone barely smart enough to read it would find it laughable.
If and when a prominent Republican apologist is caught with two hookers sitting on his face, he can appeal to the ‘reverse osmosis’ argument: “The pressure on my head will drive the knowledge out of my brain and onto the page!”
Of all the shite and drivel from the likes of Assrocket, Pammy, Wankee et al that I have been subjected to courtesy of Sadly, No! linkage that piece by Gaffney is definitely the lamest of all time. I mean, his preposterous “osmosis” point is actually the strongest argument in the piece. Who is that aimed at? Anyone barely intelligent enough to read it would find it laughable.
Hmm. McCain spent five years in North Vietnam. I guess that must make him a communist by osmosis.
Or at least he’d be able to figure out the spices.
Osmosis is about water right? And the Ayrabs don’t have much water, ok? SO Mrs Palin tooked it offen them. Not only is she hotter than a tamale she’s a superspy too.
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