Nice Bristols, Luv, Shame About Yer Mum
Bristol Palin is up the pole:
Bristol Palin made the decision on her own to keep the baby, McCain aides said. ‘We have been blessed with five wonderful children who we love with all our heart and mean everything to us,’ the Palins’ statement said. ‘Our beautiful daughter Bristol came to us with news that as parents we knew would make her grow up faster than we had ever planned. As Bristol faces the responsibilities of adulthood, she knows she has our unconditional love and support,’ the Palins said.”
The there wasn’t the exact there some thought was there, but this shows there was definitely some sort of there there.
H/t: Blue Buddha in comments.
PS: Anybody know about Alaska’s age of consent law? You have to wonder if Sarah Palin will be charging the young man who impregnated her 17-year-old daughter with statutory rape.
The fact is, Sarah Palin is a monster for knowingly subjecting her 17-year old daughter to humiliation on a national level. I’m sure young Bristol is just psyched that she is now going to be on the cover of every cheesy tabloid in the country.
I wonder if Team St. BBQ knew about this in advance. I really hope that they’re just finding out now like the rest of us.
The age of consent in Alaska is 16, so I guess Bristol was, um, an “adult” when this happened.
Good thing she’s got that Get out of Hell Free pass straight from the hands (hooves?) of the Holy Lamb. Otherwise she might be in trouble (sorry) for making extra-marital whoopie. Plus, Bill Clinton got a blow job and John McCain was a POW.
With luck they’ll start arguing now that if Bristol can keep and raise her child, any girl or woman can keep and raise a child, so shut down those clinics and toss out that birth control.
Wow… Somehow this will be spun into a pro abstinence-only education argument I fear.
The McCain campaign is saying they knew in advance and picked Palin anyway!!! All over cnn right now.
Seriously, it’s easier to throw at an “anybody know” than to web search for Alaska’s age of consent? Cmon, man… this isn’t Jonah Goldberg’s blog.
Kids get pregnant all the time, big deal.
However, the problem here is that the mother supports abstinence for everyone. If young Bristol was taught about contraception, then she could have continued humping like bunnies do without a problem.
Also, this brings the issue of “do what I say, and not what I do”. The birth control issue will have legs I think and bring down this whole “abstinence education only” meme about the conservatives ears.
It’s a shame that a 17 year old kid has to be dragged into this. But the fact is, her mother is one of the public figures that sings praises about no-sex-before-marriage-abstinence-only sex “education”, and Bristol is a poster child for how this fails.
Also, some pro-lifers are already weary that Sarah endangered her known to have a disability son by flying 8 hours while in labor:
McCain just embodies the “leap before you look” impulsive mentality of the Bush Admin and most of the GOP for the past couple of decades.
Trying to get the post up fast, is all, ITCB … jeez.
Translation: we hopped in a time machine when we heard about this news, so that we would retroactively know about it in advance when we picked Palin. Also, Zardoz will come from the planet Xythlyz, which is in the fourth orbit of Alpha Centauri and show his support by providing us with phased plasma based oil drilling technology.
This is what I like to see. News about something suspicious being spread around until politicians are forced to come clean. If only it always worked.
I do feel sorry for the poor girl though. I mean, how much choice did she really have in keeping the child? And how much choice did she have in the decision to marry the father?
She is still dependent on her parents, and the father is probably in no position to support her or the child. In that position, her mother has an unreasonable power over what should be her personal decisions. A good mother would of course let her make those decisions without interference, but a woman in Palins position be very motivated to interfere.
These “pro-lifers” are barbaric neanderthals of the lowest order. Lets all go back to the Dark Ages and ban abortion. And while we’re at it lets legalize slavery and reinstate the death penalty for witchcraft. These Xians make me want to vomit. We should just build a time machine and deport all these rightwing xians to 11th century Scotland were they’d be right at home.
Given Palin’s fundamentalist christian bent, I’m curious how she reconciles being an absentee mother with her failure to teach Bristol the Abstinence-Only koolaid.
I think the age of consent for most states is actually 16… probably to avoid the awkward situation of a senior getting caught boinking a sophomore or junior. A handful have it at 18, but there are some that still have it as low as 12 or 14. O_o
How extraordinarily convenient that Bristol is five months pregnant. See, that totally precludes her from having given birth in April, ergo, the Palin baby born in April had to have been Sarah’s.
How totally appropriate for Bristol’s parents to have announced this to the world, as the first thing brand-new VP nominees want to do is let everyone know that their own teenager is pregnant, thus upending and mocking one of the very conservative values said nominee trumpets the most in the first place.
How totally fucked up this whole situation is. I think someone should alert the authorities in Alaska to have the Palins’ children removed to protective services before any more damage is inflicted on them as a result of their parent’s mind-numbingly ambitious political careerism. This just gets worser and worser. WTF are these people up to?
Here we see the basic problem with conspiracy theories–they usually start with known facts, or at least plausible speculation on what’s known. But by the time the pretzel logic has run its course, and the fevered imagination has been set loose, you wind up with something completely insane and light years from the actual truth.
I suspect, Mr Puppet, that she’s been indoctrinated into her belief structures since the day of her birth. She most likely genuinely believed in her course of action.
The only reason we still have superstitions like biblical christianity in the twenty first century is the indoctrination of children into the traditions. Otherwise, the sheer unlikelihood of the just-so stories would have caused them to fade out by now.
Interestingly, it works exactly the same for those awful brown muslims…
mikey
I can’t wait to see what the fundies say about this. It will be fun to compare and contrast their comments about Bristol with their comments about Jamie Lynn Spears . Lisa Schiffren blamed Spear’s mother. Wonder what she’ll say about Sarah Palin.
Hit the fundy sites with concern trolling:
” While Mrs. Palin’s views are admirable, she has fallen into the the trap of career first feminism. If only she would have put her considerable energies in to her home and family, as the Lord intended, instead of her career and advancement, her daughter would not be paying the price right now.”
So, to dispel rumors that she WAS pregnant, they reveal that she IS pregnant. Bravo!
I’ve come completely unhinged, so now I’m pretty much just spitting venom at everyone.
I should probably just set the alarm clock for November, because I’m a bundle of frayed nerves already.
Oh, you can be absolutely certain she taught ALL her children abstinence, no sex before marriage, no sex education at all, just DON’T DO IT!!
And it worked pretty much as well as it always does.
When you start counting on people NOT to behave like, well, PEOPLE, you lose one hundred percent of the time. Because people ALWAYS do what people always do…
mikey
Hey… verb tense changes everything
What we need is to appoint more secular-progressives to the Supreme Court and maybe just maybe we can have the Bible banned in America. And maybe just maybe we can have all the churches shut down. And maybe just maybe we can transform America into a base of operations to make Karl Marx’s vision of a one world communist government a reality.
At least they’re not claiming an immaculate conception.
InsaneInTheCheneyBrain: I can’t imagine why. It’s been a perfectly lovely week of political news and weather and stuff.
BTW, to the loser trolls who are trying to spoof me, it would help if:
A) The name was spelled correctly.
B) The post was actually comprehensible.
The age of consent for marriage WITH parental consent in Alaska is 16. Without consent is 18. That means the parents have consented to Bristol marrying the father. Methinks that means no statutory rape charge.
Awful situation. Can’t believe this girl has to go through this under the national spotlight.
C) …and somewhat relevant to the topic.
“Palin subjected her daughter to national humiliation and is a horrible mother and a selfish person” is the meme that needs to be spread.
“McCain’s campaign is a soap opera” is another good one.
Mikey: If she really believed in the kind of crap her mother spouts.. She wouldn’t have had sex in the first place right? She didn’t believe it strongly enough to ignore those natural urges.
I imagine she felt there was no alternative to keeping the baby and marrying the father, just through social pressure. I can’t imagine her being happy about either decision, although I can imagine her thinking the alternative is even worse, due either to her own beliefs, what her mum would do, or due to how the community would react.
I am fairly sure she is not happy about being a mother, or about being married.
This is why we need a society where there is NO stigma attached to abortion, or being a single parent.
InsaneInTheCheneyBrain: I can’t imagine why. It’s been a perfectly lovely week of political news and weather and stuff.
Heh, you should see my mother. She’s a bit of the nervous type anyway, and these next few months bring up the two things that fray her nerves the most—who will win the election, and who will win the next football game.
At least they’re not claiming an immaculate conception.
w00t
Did you know that a MAGICAL SKY FAIRY watches your vajayjay and decides whether to torture you for eternity based on what he sees?
This election just keeps getting weirder.
So with Moms Palin gallivanting all over the lower 48 leaving a trail of amniotic fluid, what are the chances that young baby Cosign suffered from hypoxia rather than down syndrome?
It is. McCain really stepped in the shit moat on this one.
Boyfriend’s off the hook (scroll)
‘cosign’ hehe
I maybe would have gone for arctan but still funny.
[i]At least they’re not claiming an immaculate conception.[/i]
Yet.
InsaneInTheCheneyBrain said,
September 1, 2008 at 19:24
Did you know that a MAGICAL SKY FAIRY watches your vajayjay and decides whether to torture you for eternity based on what he sees?
Also, depending on who you vote for.
It would be easier to tell when the kid gets older. Around toddler age, kids with Down’s Syndrome begin to have the distinguishable “Mongoloid” face.
And being a math geek, I prefer to call him Euler’s Constant to the Power of an Imaginary Number Times Pi. =P
There really isn’t any spin they can put on this to make it look good. To the fundynuts , Sarah Palin looks like a mother who puts her carreer before her family by endangering her unborn child , and failing to teach her daughter about abstainence . To the upper and middle class voters , the Palin family is starting to look like the Wasilla Hillbilies.
Vetting , WHAT vetting?
Yet.
Insert obligatory “you’re using the term ‘immaculate conception’ incorrectly” whining here.
In view of the fact that the poor kid’s name is Trig, no one is questioning the rest of the name. Well, his third name – kid has two middle names – is Van. Wanna know why? It’s on account of Sarah Too Cool For School Palin was a Van Halen van in the 80s! No shit! Van Palin! Dig it!
Link soon. The Partner read this on one of his ghastly 80s rock sites.
Weirdest of all: the statement from the McCain campaign:
McCain officials said the news of the daughter’s pregnancy was being released to rebut what one aide called “mud-slinging and lies” circulating on liberal blog sites.
That’s the only reason they admitted the daughter was pregnant? Because otherwise no-one would have noticed?
The early statements from McCain make it look like they were trying to pull a TANG[Sorry, reaaally sorry for that]-style innoculation.
Their only chance here is to pull a quick ‘it’s teh Liebruls fault’ hate-and-switch before the family-lovin’ base makes this into Harriet Miers II.
Van Palin
BTW it’s my understanding that Van Halen has informed the McCain campaign that they did not give permission for their song to be used.
“Well, his third name – kid has two middle names – is Van. Wanna know why? It’s on account of Sarah Too Cool For School Palin was a Van Halen van in the 80s! No shit! Van Palin! Dig it!”
From what I’ve seen of the parents so far , I would have thought “Van” would have had something to do with where the child was concieved.
Thoughts, in more or less random order, about this Bristol dust-up, any one of which is a reasonably good talking point for the Dems on the VP pick.
1. Either Palin failed to teach her own family about the abstinence-only path to virtuous living, or her daughter ignored it.
2. Bristol’s condition would have come out eventually — I can’t imagine they would have been able to complete the campaign without somebody noticing along the way — but the only reason it came out now is to debunk the Bristol-is-Trig’s-mother rumors. In other words, even though McCain supposedly knew that his loudly pro-“family values” VP nominee had an unmarried, pregnant minor daughter, his campaign wasn’t going to tell anyone until forced by circumstances to do so.
3. Why was the loudly pro-“family values” Governor Palin so out of touch with what her daughter was up to that the girl managed to get knocked up? Isn’t part of the Palin story supposedly that they have a close-knit, loving family? Shouldn’t she have been more aware of what her kids were getting up to?
The Malkinoids and K-Lo are already desperately trying to spin this news as good for the McCain campaign.
Jeez, if you have to go with a VH-inspired kid name, “Wolfgang” is way kewler.
I think it’s time to examine Bristol Palin’s birth certificate (assuming she, unlike Trig, has one). Was she indeed 17 at the time of her impregnation, or was she in fact 16? I put InsaneintheCheneyBrain in charge of Googling up her birth date so that our inquiring minds can know. It’s central to the point of whether there was statutory rape involved, wedding bells/immaculate conception/whatever notwithstanding.
Except that was someone who spoofed me… perhaps you wrote it yourself.
Malkin is ready for you awful moonbats and your acute PDS.
We are the Republican Party. We stand for unprotected sex and teenage pregnancy. They are blessings from above.
That’ll work.
You’re gonna live in a van… down by the river!
Oh, you’re right. My most humble apologies.
The fact is, cf. MaryC.
Thanks for noting that ‘Bristols’ is cockney rhyming slang for ‘tits’.
Noquarter is on the case, claiming how heroic it makes Palin and it seems that you are sexist and hate babies if you mention Palin’s ultra-conservative views.
Jeez, if you have to go with a VH-inspired kid name, “Wolfgang” is way kewler.
How about Diamond Dave Van Palin?
Should Madame Christian Conservative be diggin’ on a band whose breakout song was Running with the Devil? It would be irresponsible not to speculate.
There really isn’t any spin they can put on this to make it look good.
Of course there is. It just proves the mavericky maverickness of the original maverick.
He honed his fearlessness during his five and half years as a P.O.W.
Really and truly.
Good Lord, stay away from TGW today. Just, stay away. You know who you are.
This has been a public service message from the Internetual Commission for Mental Health.
Sarah Palin just does not look very presidential right at this time. Metal chick mom with a knocked-up teenage daughter does not exactly conjure up visions of Jefferson or Roosevelt.
Hey, next time the Malkinistas go off on some teenage black girl(s) who is (are) pregnant, can we remind them of this? Or is this just different??
D. Aristophanes said,
September 1, 2008 at 19:44
The Malkinoids and K-Lo are already desperately trying to spin this news as good for the McCain campaign.
Malkintents™, dammit! I even grant you free license.
Did somebody say TGW??
Hey all you would-be ratfuckers that jumped all over Babygategategate. See? It really was a trail of fucking breadcrumbs to soften up the public for the real news.
Juicy? Oh, yeah. Nasty? Without a doubt. And an awful lot of motherfuckers bit right in without asking which dumpster it came out of.
It was the kind of thing that would have made a perfect whisper campaign, a la “John McCain has a black baby” ca. 2000. That’s what made me a bit suspicious about it. If you have a good whisper campaign going, you don’t yell “Hey! Look at this!” to the rooftops.
Now that the whole subject has been tainted by those Eeeeeevil Libruls making their baseless accusations and trying to drag poor, poor, completely innocent and virginal Bristol through the mud for strictly political purposes, well of course everybody is just going to rally ’round the yungun now, and the Libruls can just Shut Up.
See how easy it is?
Thanks.
See, if a poor black girl has a baby it’s because of her inferior culture. If a rich white girl has a baby it’s because she loves life. They are emphasizing the baby, not the sex, and shouldn’t get away with it.
…and yet, Hillary was a better choice than Obama because she’s “more progressive”.
Head asplodes.
See how easy it is?
Wellll, it’s not that easy, justme.
For a good fundymagelical morality play, you need to further explain that this all happened because of the lieberals and their sex edumacation and the lack of a good role model for Bristol…
So how would a guy sign up to be one of these abstinence-only teen sex counselors? Giggity Giggity Goo!
I think Susan of Texas has it. White teens of Republican governors having babies meaning they love & cherish life and the universe is happy and cuddly & cute & brave & precious and everything, and a black teenager not from any Republican political heritage’s pregnancy means Amurkan culture is falling apart at the seams thanks to the Evil Libruls who somehow can’t see the threat from these untamed black young’uns.
It could very well be, Susan, that many of them aren’t real certain where babies come from….
mikey
Well, Ms. Palin rapidly turned out to be all muckluck and no moose.
Abstinence only education successes? ….. Just look at my daughter.
Energy security problems? …… Drill, drill, drill!
Health care issues? …… Have your pet doctor fake something for you.
Inflation causing you to decide to chose between food on the table and heating oil? ….. Kill a few moose in your back yard and pick some berries.
International security issues? ….. Secede from the Union and let the “Lower Forty-eight handle it themselves; that “occupying army” will finally have to retreat anyway.
Solutions for the eighteenth century, brought to you by the Flat Earth lobby of the Retrograde party.
mikey said,
September 1, 2008 at 20:04
It could very well be, Susan, that many of them aren’t real certain where babies come from….
Everybody knows THAT, mikey!
The Malkinites are really going wild about this.
For me, the question is less about abortion than it is about Sarah Palin’s influence upon Bristol’s decisions. For example, SP is on record as being against sex education, so it’s fair to assume that Bristol never took Sex Ed 101. So did she even understand the possible consequences of sex? Perhaps, if she had, she wouldn’t be in this position — one which has completely changed her life and narrowed her life choices. If Bristol only ever wanted to be a mommy, then that’s fine, but — and here’s the rub — what if her dreams were very different, such as being a scientist, a CEO, an astronaut? If so, then realizing those dreams just became a lot more difficult. And it’s not just Bristol, because there’s the boyfriend in the equation, too.
And that is the point here, ultimately. Sarah Palin’s fringe beliefs have the possibility of translating directly into national policy in a way that could be devastating.
I can’t imagine her being happy about either decision, although I can imagine her thinking the alternative is even worse, due either to her own beliefs, what her mum would do, or due to how the community would react.
Go back and watch Palin’s VP announcement. No, Bristol does not look happy. And they had her holding Trig throughout to hide her condition.
Actually, El Cid, I think it’s simpler still. Their big problem with a non-Republican/black young woman having a child is that that means there is one more non-Republican/black on the planet, a travesty of Biblical proportion, surely.
justme: I think you’ve got it bass-ackwards. And even if Trig isn’t Bristol’s, there’s still that “trail of amniotic fluid” Sarah left all over Texas, Seattle and the Air Anchorage plane. How fortunate that the hurricane came along just in time to turn everyone’s attention away from how awful the RNC would have been if they’d held it. I guess that’s why the God-fearing Palins announced their teenage daughter’s pregnancy to the world on Labor Day. Good thing the FBI raided those protesters’ rat-holes and cleaned all the anarchists out, just in case, cuz McPOW may make to Minnesota yet.
Sweet Jesus, when did national politics scene turn into a meta soap opera? I have a headache and it’s time for my nap.
> We should just build a time machine and deport all these rightwing xians to 11th century Scotland were they’d be right at home.
11th Century Scotland doesn’t want them. Too violent and too ignorant.
So when can we start wagering on when Palin’s name is withdrawn from the ticket?
If picking her was just a way to detract attention from Obama’s acceptance speech, it was one hella dumbass move.
Oh come on.. she went to public school right? If they don’t teach you where babies come from in class, you learn it from your peers. I’m sure she knew that sex=baby. She may have had some incorrect ideas about contraception though. Some teenagers in fundie communities really do think that pulling out will work.
Of course, we don’t know if she used contraception of any kind, weather it was an effective method, or weather she knew how to use it properly.
This is the problem with abstinence only sex ed. Kids know where babies come from, but don’t know enough about contraception to use it properly.
And about the family values…turns out that Palin’s husband has been away working on the north slope while the kids remained in school in Wasilla and Palin herself commuted back and forth to Juneau 900 miles away. (Yes, that’s right – 900 miles. It’s a big damn state.)
I just can’t imagine how teenagers home alone (with mono, right? I mean, that’s why she wasn’t in school for 4 or 5 months at the end of last year, right?) could get into this kind of trouble.
I think it’s a very good thing for the national discourse.
Despite all the research clearly establishing that abstinence education does not work and that real, science-based sexed has a profound positive impact on teenagers, the anti-science ideologues in bush/cheney just kept ramming it down the public school’s throats.
But now, here’s a high-profile anecdote that proves the point about abstinence education – that humans aren’t wired to be abstinent – that hits very close to home for them.
Although, of course, they can continue to force failed policies because, well, that’s what they do, they’re going to have a hard time winning the argument any more…
mikey
Dear God:
Sorry for not believing in you, and thanks.
Sincerely,
Righteous Bubba
And stop saying Palin wasn’t vetted! She was, too!!
By these folks.
This shit keeps getting weirder.
Flickr photo showing pregnant Palin. In the comments the conspiracy theory now is that Sarah Palin bought a pregnancy suit.
If picking her was just a way to detract attention from Obama’s acceptance speech, it was one hella dumbass move.
Dave Broder Lurrved It!!
By picking Palin, McCain has strengthened his reputation not as an ideologue, not as a partisan, but as a reformer — ready to shake up Washington as his hero, Teddy Roosevelt, once did.
~
Thanks for fucking up my life Grandma!
By these folks.
The cool thing is that the people they think they’re sure of never really exist.
Just sent to Lisa Schiffren:
Lisa,
Today’s events might be a good opportunity for you to recapitulate your fine NRO column of last December 19, 2007 on the appropriate response to teen pregnancy in the public eye. Of course, I am sure you’re quite busy what with the twists and turns of the campaign, so I thought I’d ghost it up for you, thus:
“O.K., while Second-Daughter-to-be Bristol Palin, who “came to us with news” that “would make her grow up faster than we had ever planned” (part of the problem, that), “faces the responsibilities of adulthood” with the Shotgun-Second-Son-in-Law-to-be, perhaps the Republican Party could be prevailed upon to remove her mother from her Vice-Presidential candidacy. Of course this is unlikely, since she is the star, and she is a big hit, one way or another. But when the daughter of a very visible candidate gets pregnant, perhaps she is not a really good role model for all of those tween girls across America, particularly those in conservative families who constitute the party’s base. Perhaps consequences beyond baby showers are in order. I am not suggesting that her daughter be whipped, or made to wear a scarlett A, or given lashes. I am, however, saying that perhaps there is some “moral turpitude” clause that might take her out of the public eye, and away from all those admiring evangelical Republicans who think that abstinence is cool, the consequences of abstinence-only sex education cooler, and all that money and power coolest of all.
John McCain — here is a crusade for you. Go for it. You’ll get the parent vote, the anti-hypocrisy vote (small, that), and more consideration from non-Evangelical cultural conservatives. ”
Keep up the good work,
Reader X
Once Sarah or Bristol gets killed or kills someone, then this whole thing will have become a Lifetime Special Presentation.
The age of consent in Alaska is 16, so I guess Bristol was, um, an “adult” when this happened.
Unless she wasn’t 17 five months ago. I DEMAND to see Bristol Palin’s birth certificate so that our experts may scrutinize it! Where is it? What are you hiding? WHAT ARE YOU HIDING?
Man, this is the Chewbacca ticket.
I’m still mumbling in stunned bafflement over things from three days ago. F’rinstance:
When I first saw the list of the kiddies names, I just assumed Bristol was a boy. I quite explicitly thought, “No way that a woman with her physique would be so out of touch as to call one of her daughters ‘Bristol.'”
I’m already at disliking Palin herself, this is a shitty thing to do to your children. Let us compare her family values to Joe Biden. Let me make up a FunFact:
The fact is: Litter
MzNicky: I’m not saying that the whole of the GOP campaign doesn’t, at this point, look like a rejected Woody Allen script. I just think that the “Who’s Trig’s Mama” thing was a reverse-ratfuck-gainer-with-two-and-a-half-twists dreamt up when the inevitable “Oh, by the way, the veep-choice’s underage daughter is pregnant” folder hit the table.
God, would I have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that one.
Righteous Bubba is up the pole, suffused by the Holy Spirit! Congratulations. As Malkin and her ticket say, it is a blessing.
I’m still having a hard time believing McCain’s official story that he knew about the pregnancy beforehand. Admitting that he didn’t would mean admitting that his campaign failed to vet her. But to accept his story would mean John McCain intentionally wanted to inject the issue of teenage pregnancy into this election… No Quarter says that means he has brass balls; I’m sure a talking head will go “how mavericky.” I’m just not sure that intentionally putting a pregnant 17-year old into the national and international media spotlight can be construed as a moral thing.
So, what there saying is that the republican party and the conservative movement got to where they are today as a result of “long – term strategy”.
So these doods got together in the mid eighties and said “know what we have to do? We have to wait until 2000, then elect a complete idiot. But we’ll put the most evil, bloodthirsty thug we can find in as vice president. Between them, they can loot the treasury, trash the planet and make a bunch of very wealthy republicans even more wealthy. Of course, by 2008 the republican brand will be in tatters, and more than 80% of americans will hate our policies for at least a generation”.
Yep. Long term strategy. What else could it be?
mikey
I’m sorry, is this Wasilla, Alaska, or Wakulla, Florida?
John McCain didn’t pick someone who appeals to the base. John McCain picked the base.
I had to go look up the NRO article by Lisa Schiffren that Reader X referred to. Comedy gold!
If Bristol’s mom was a Dem, Malkin would be calling Bristol “Britney” and/or “slut” and hunting for undeserving public health insurance coverage.
From The Independent, http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/palin-confirms-daughters-pregnancy-915378.html:
A senior McCain campaign official said the McCain camp was appalled that these rumors had not only been spread around liberal blog sites and partisan Democrats, but also were the subject of heightened interest from mainstream news media.
“The despicable rumors that have been spread by liberal blogs, some even with Barack Obama’s name in them, is a real anchor around the Democratic ticket, pulling them down in the mud in a way that certainly juxtaposes themselves against their ‘campaign of change,'” a senior aide said.
OUTRAGED, I tell you!!!! By the way, have you seen that Chelsea Clinton girl? Man, she’s so ugly Janet Reno has to be her father..I’m just sayin.
God, would I have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that one.
I’ve had jobs where my unofficial job description was “clean up the messes your boss blundered into”. I hate that kind of crap, and can only imagine what McSame’s team must be going through.
At least you can’t get pregnant that way.
“#
Blue Buddha said,
September 1, 2008 at 20:23
Once Sarah or Bristol gets killed or kills someone, then this whole thing will have become a Lifetime Special Presentation.
#”
You sure those are Walrus entrails buried in the back yard?
Wooooooohhhooooooooo!1!!!1!!11!1!
The Palins gonna need one bigass Shit Moat to keep the media away from this one.
We here at Conglomerated Shit Moat Sales, Inc. believe you as the customer deserve the very best in fecal vandalism deterrent barriers. We are constantly experimenting with new and exotic Shits such as hippopotamus and emu in our continuing effort to stay atop this incredibly competitive industry.
In light of these revelations, we can now reveal out newest and best Shit Moat ever, because we think the Palins are gonna need the granddaddy:
Introducing The Moose And Squirrel Shit Moat, inspired by the local fauna of Alaska as well as the Boris-And-Natasha level of competence McCain/Palin have shown us so far.
A more rugged and naturalistic Shit Moat for the discerning country-dweller, designed in the Totemic style of the Tlingit peoples of the Pacific Northwest, illuminating the Raven Cycle and hearkening back to simpler times, letting any prospective paparrazzo know that going medieval is simply no problem for this homeowner.
We have the Palins penciled in for 500 square feet. If they go for it we make our number for the rest of the year. Fingers crossed!!!
Lesley said,
September 1, 2008 at 20:33
If Bristol’s mom was a Dem, Malkin would be calling Bristol “Britney” and/or “slut” and hunting for undeserving public health insurance coverage.
I think we need to check in with Amy Alkin for confirmation.
I did some googling but all I can tell is she was born in the first half of 1991.
“The despicable rumors that have been spread by liberal blogs, some even with Barack Obama’s name in them, is a real anchor around the Democratic ticket, pulling them down in the mud in a way that certainly juxtaposes themselves against their ‘campaign of change,’” a senior aide said.
Yes, because this speculation appeared on some websites where commenters mentioned Obama’s name, it’s a full-fledged Obama campaign initiative.
I’ve already written to Reuters to complain that they’ve just served as a mouthpiece for the smear merchants of the McCain campaign. It might not help if others do the same, but certainly, it wouldn’t hurt.
And it don’t stop. Keep on ’til the break of dawn.
Sen. McCain (still at his Sedona
ranchretreatbunker): Google? No, I don’t use Google. I’m the Original Maverick, dammit! Google is for the hesitant and mavericks don’t hesitate. Ever!Truthy, you’ve got your definitions wrong. Embryos are not “children”.
On the other hand, killing actual children is just fine as long as the children are not white, and if it makes for some really bitchin’ “shock and awe”.
Oh, sorry, that’s unfortunate “collateral damage”. How silly of me.
So when can we start wagering on when Palin’s name is withdrawn from the ticket?
Oh, the window’s open, my friends. Step right up.
Here’s the latest spread from Jimmy the Crete:
Next week – 1 to 20
This week – 1 to 6
Friday – 1 to 2
Thursday – 1 to 1.5
Wednesday – 1 to 1
Tuesday – 2 to 1
You can also wager online at http://www.palin-is-eagleton.com
We accept cash, credit cards, and debit cards. There’s also an ATM right behind you. Sorry, no checks.
And just because I haven’t seen it yet…
Can you imagine how solidly fucked six ways from Sunday we’d be if Palin wound up as President????
TBogg has more on the family values family. Seems Dad has a DUI conviction (ok, he was just a kid of 22 at the time) and Palin wore risque t-shirts.
http://tbogg.firedoglake.com/2008/09/01/knocked-up/
http://tbogg.firedoglake.com/2008/09/01/palin-governor-liar-secret-grandmother/
Check out the list of stat rape laws from Rightwingsparkle:
http://www.cga.ct.gov/2003/olrdata/jud/rpt/2003-R-0376.htm
Yikes! My state (Iowa) is definitely hillbilly territory:
Yeah, they draw the line at 12 or 13 years old. And what’s with the “not his spouse” clause? Holy crap!
And the Cradle Will Rock?
Beautiful Girls?
Somebody Get Me a Doctor?
Spanish Fly?
Ain’t Talkin’ ‘Bout Love?
Panama?
Note: Post-D.L. Roth VH did not produce songs. They produced what might politely be called “noise.” Very politely.
There are no words. Just gales of hysterical laughter and copious tears of joy.
xyzzy, my apologies, here’s a link to the original article.
Sadly, I dare say Joementum would have been a better choice at this point. Shoulda stuck with your gut, McMaverick, instead of letting Jimbo Dobson tell you what to do.
comsympinko said,
September 1, 2008 at 20:45
There are no words. Just gales of hysterical laughter and copious tears of joy.
I hope you’re not saying the schaden just freuds itself.
Jesus, my heart goes out to that poor kid.
Not to mention her poor kid.
If Palin is still in this by this time next week, it’s official: she’s an utter fucking failure as a human being. Period.
What a nauseating spectacle.
I tend to concur with the idea of putting her bloody kids into protective custody – as loose cannons go, she makes even JSM III look calm & rational. No doubt her twisted mind has aleady turned this into a case FOR the same psychosexually depraved “Abstinence Uber Alles” dogma that led to this situation in the first place. Unfortunately, I suspect the flying-while-in-labor story is par for the course in terms of her chronic deficit of either judgement or impulse-control. Wanna see how well she does if Wet-Start dies in office, with access to the launch-codes to bring on the glorious Armageddon that her religion requires to usher in the Second Coming?
Super-Mom, my ass. You do NOT put a newly pregnant teen daughter on familial call-waiting while you try to nail a way-kewl gig in DC – her epic fail is already on display right now as it is, & the issue in question has virtually obliterated whatever evangelical support she was supposed to lend to her running-mate. McCrash trying to sell the fairy-tale that he ALREADY knew this is just putting sprinkles on a turd & calling it a chocolate sundae – she’d’ve been nixed automatically with such a huge liability in play, & anyone with a 3-digit IQ knows it. The non-vetting story is obviously dead-on. Now, imagine that same “mavericky” approach in regard to, say, the economy or foreign relations – the best you could hope for would be a rapid & total collapse on Wall Street before he can start World War 3.
Let the Malkinbots & other wingnut minions yelp until they’re hoarse … McCain just committed political suicide.
Worst. Campaign. Ever.
Am I the only one who had no idea there were rumors that the girl was currently pregnant? All I saw were stories about the Great Mommy Cover Up.
You know, the child really does have rotten luck. A severe case of mono* and then she gets pregnant … Huh, it must have been right around the time her youngest brother was born.
*You know very well mono can be transmitted via non-smooching activities. Cut it out. Stop that, I say!
Say what you want about me, but I would never have fucked up this bad.
May I just say that this is the funnest S,N! thread in a while? I’ve sent no fewer
than four Comments to my wife.
Talk about acting out. Watch Bristol name the child “Jane” or “Ed.” Take that, mom!
Am I the only one who had no idea there were rumors that the girl was currently pregnant?
You may count yourself in the esteemed company of John McCain.
“I hope you’re not saying the schaden just freuds itself.”
I got schadens freuding all over the freuding place here.
It’s like that giant orgy scene in Taboo, only it’s schadens freuding instead of people fucking.
What a great day to be alive.
Am I the only one who had no idea there were rumors that the girl was currently pregnant?
I first saw it the comments to this 8/30/08 Mudflats post. Commenter Sue Williams, who says she’s from Wasilla, shared the goods.
Oh GREAT , one of the breeder’s litter is starting her own litter. What trailer park did these harlots crawl out of anyway?
Yep, J-, that’s where I saw it too after you so kindly provided that link. Looks like Sue Williams did, indeed, have the goods.
Re: remarks like “metal chick”, “conceived in a van” etc.; can we leave the classism and sexism to the Republicans? Together with racism, Christianism and jingoistic nationalism, it’s their stock in trade, and you’re never going to do it as well as they do.
She said, She said:
As I was sayin’.
Okay, what???
At least she has balls.
For some reason, I immediately thought of this happy gem from the Limerick DB:
A preoccupied vegan named Hugh
picked up the wrong sandwich to chew.
He took a big bite
before spitting, in fright,
“OMG, WTF, BBQ!”
Them’s fightin’ words, son. I challenge you to a duel at fifty paces in the style of Mama Palin.
Who ever holds the weapon the least wrong way wins.
Seriously, I had no fucking idea and I don’t consider myself that ill informed. OK, really I’d just like to think that 2/3rds of all Americans are thinking:
1. What rumors?
2. Who’s Bristol Palin?
3. I had no idea. Why are they telling me this?
4. Man, if someone knocked up my daughter/little sister/etc I’d fucking tear his head off.
5. Oh well, back to Gustav watching.
6. But I’d fucking kill the guy.
Ms. Amy already came out against the choice of Palin as “insulting” and all but declared she’s sitting out the election. So to her, it wouldn’t be inconsistent at all to bash Palin for this.
Hey, Amy – wanna redeem yourself…?
Seriously, I had no fucking idea
Me neither. It’s not my job to know stuff about VP candidates. Whose job is that anyway?
“Re: remarks like “metal chick”, “conceived in a van” etc.; can we leave the classism and sexism to the Republicans? Together with racism, Christianism and jingoistic nationalism, it’s their stock in trade, and you’re never going to do it as well as they do.”
Aw, come on. It’s fun!
Try it with me: “I guess the redneck cracker whore doesn’t fall far from the redneck cracker whore.”
Or: “How many generations of Palins does it take to go from prospective VP candidate to that girl who ‘goes away to camp’ then never comes back to school? One!”
The only way to get better at something is to practice.
If grandbaby Palin is a girl, will her name be spelled “Juneau” or “Juno”?
Just askin’.
how about “d’you know?”
you guys are way jumping the gum!
bristol was pregnant in february and is now pregnant again, only not for five months, but for three months. granma wore a padded suit in public in march. the baby trig came prematurely, while grandma and grandpa were in dallas. daughter went to the local medical center in rural alaska, and when the folks came home they made the trip. i have no idea why they felt they needed to create the extreme story of amniotic fluid draining over the airline seat, but i’ve sat in airline seats that probably had worse drizzled over them.
If abstinence-only education falls on the ears of teenagers, does it make a sound?
Hint to the McCain camp: When picking a female candidate to appeal to the Hillary voters and moderate Republicans, just any woman you pick up off the political streets won’t do. You want to pick the right Right woman. A little attention to detail is called for in this situation.
(TGW are, of course, exceptions; apparently for them possession of a womb is the only qualifier that matters.)
this scenario was presented to me by my daughter Daytona and my son Nazareth.
Poor child has probably never seen a condom or a birth control pill. This was completely preventable. But the woowoowackadoo righties are calling it a blessing and making it into an “at least she’s not getting an abortion” thing. Like that’s even an option in the Palin family.
Shorter Sarah Palin:
“I’ve never been against drilling in virgin territories….
Wait Bristol, I didn’t mean you“
bad person
Gonna have to see some hard evidence about twice-pregnant 17-year-olds and baby suits before I believe it.
I’m not saying it’s not possible, I actually think it’s what happened.
But until there’s a smoking…uh…fake belly, I ain’t buying it.
Suicidal Zebra said,
September 1, 2008 at 21:16
Okay, if I had had tea in my mouth, I would now need a new computer.
BRISTOL HAD SEXY SEX SEX SEXUAL SEXNESS! SEX!!!! SHE HAD DIRTY SEX!!!!!
Like mother, like daughter?
http://www.americablog.com/2008/08/sarah-palin-and-children-conceived-out.html
This whole thing is a fucking soap opera. Of course, as the malkinites and their ilk keep reminding us, IOKIYAR. The same scenario transplanted to a Democratic VP candidate would have James Dobson and Pat Robertson railing about the evils of liberal morality. Here, it just strengthens their candidate’s pro-family bona fides.
Fuck them all. And god damn America, if they go ahead and elect McCain anyway.
If Palin were a Democrat, Michelle Malkin would be calling her Cash Cow.
No, no. “Legitimate” is born in wedlock, not conceived in wedlock. Hence the shotgun wedding.
Hey, so is Bristol’s going to be an M-16 wedding?
I tend to concur with the idea of putting her bloody kids into protective custody – as loose cannons go, she makes even JSM III look calm & rational.
For those of you who are advocating protective custody…have you any idea what that’s *like* for kids?
Sorry, but I worked for family court a while back, and foster care et al. are twelve kinds of mess. If the kid is being taken care of by a schizophrenic heroin addict whose hobby is preserving feces in the freezer, then yeah. If the kid’s family is just a bunch of standard-issue fundy wackjobs, then no. It only makes things worse.
Fake Amy Alkon said,
September 1, 2008 at 20:55
Oh GREAT , one of the breeder’s litter is starting her own litter. What trailer park did these harlots crawl out of anyway?
This wasn’t real Amy. Sarah Palin is white, so her kids are not a “litter.”
Yuck, people, stop it. First those “hilbilly” comments are just reinforcing the idea that liberals are arrogant prigs who look down on working class people. Second, this says nothing about Palins politics, or whether she would make a good president, anymore than Clinton’s inability to keep it zipped, or his lying about it, made him a worse president.
It’s clear independent of this that Palin’s politics are horrible and her executive experience is nil. There’s enough that’s fair game here, for examle McCain’s age in relation to the lack of preparation of Palin’s. But I really think we should leave this pregnancy out of it.
Did you know that a MAGICAL SKY FAIRY watches your vajayjay and decides whether to torture you for eternity based on what he sees?
I’m sick of that genre of horror movie. ‘7even’ was good but all its imitators have been downhill.
You sure those are Walrus entrails buried in the back yard?
As
they sayKliban said, You walrus hurt the one you love…From the Palins’ press release:
And this here liberal is proud that once again, a conservative family has seen the wisdom of a liberal policy. In this case, it’s letting a young woman under the age of majority make her own decision about her body and future. Let’s hope that this pro-choice position becomes part of the Republican Party platform.
I imagine it could also be another case of a conservative family seeing the necessity of a comprehensive sex ed curriculum. Maybe this will be the death knell for the ridiculous abstinence-only programs.
I think marriage would be enough of a sentence for the poor sap.
Would anyone be surprised if Bristol has an immaculate spontaneous misconception in a few weeks?
I mean…5 months pregnant? Announced just as the mom-had-her-daughter’s-baby was starting to crank up? Pretty amazing coincidence, is it not?
And so McCain knows that his perspective VP has a 5 month old baby with special needs AND a 17YO, soon-to-be mother….and he decides to go along with this selection? Are you f’ing kidding me?
I can’t imagine a more screwed up selection for VP….just think what’s in store for this country if these jokers somehow get elected…
I like 538’s opinion on Bristolgate:
As I said, it sucks that Bristol has to be drawn into this, but her mother is a high profile figure who believes that contraception and sex outside of marriage is bad, abstinence-only education works, and she’s willing to force this down our throats. That her daughter got knocked up and that she was hiding it shows that her belief doesn’t work, and she’s being evasive about it.
an immaculate spontaneous misconception
Surely there are already enough of those in the bloggosphere.
It could very well be, Susan, that many of them aren’t real certain where babies come from….
Well, Mikey, Loretta Lynn (Queen of the ‘Base’) famously said that she’d birthed two kids before she entirely understood why she kept getting pregnant. And at that point she *still* wasn’t 17. You’d think a farm girl would have a better grasp of the mechanics, but then the godless liberal scientists have established that teenagers’ brains aren’t necessarily capable of connecting what happens to the heifers with what their boyfriend might be doing “down there”….
From one of the wingnut websites (they all look alike to me) linked above:
Update II: Obama shows some real class (maybe his supporters could show some?) and reminds us of where he came from:
“I have said before and I will repeat again: People’s families are off limits,” Obama said. “And people’s children are especially off-limits. This shouldn’t be part of our politics. It has no relevance to Gov. Palin’s performance as a governor or her potential performance as a vice president. So I would strongly urge people to back off these kinds of stories. You know my mother had me when she was 18 and how a family deals with issues and teenage children, that shouldn’t be a topic of our politics.”
I know it wouldn’t be politically expedient, but wouldn’t you love to see Obama do one of his snarky routines with this, like when he called Clinton “Annie Oakley”? “So, it’s kinda funny, don’t ya think,” Obama might say as he struts back and forth on the stage, “here’s Miss-wholesome-family values-abstinence-only trying to quash a rumor that she is not the mother of the latest family addition but actually her 17-year-old daughter is, by saying, get this, ‘no wait, she couldn’t be the mother of that child because she was pregnant with someone else’s child at the time this child was born.’ I mean for crying out loud, Sarah, are you really vying for the VP slot or are you auditioning for the Jerry Springer Show?”
About the only piece of the puzzle not currently known is the identity and age of the father, but you can bet that better muckrakers than us are already hot on the trail. The way things have been going, any bets that he’s in his twenties? Maybe even older?
Are you saying Republicans are big fat lying asshat hypocrite jerkwads?
teenagers’ brains aren’t necessarily capable of connecting what happens to the heifers with what their boyfriend might be doing
“Go right ahead; she’s your cow, after all.”
/old joke
Are you saying Republicans are big fat lying asshat hypocrite jerkwads?
Well, they’re certainly not all big and fat
You rat-fuckers huffed and puffed, pushed and prodded and you STILL had to get a lying MSM hack to make up a load shit.
You’re losing it boys!
Premarital sex = bad
Granny put career first = bad
Keeping baby = super good
A draw.
Pillow Pants was obviously asleep at the wheel.
Too obscure?
We’re proud of Bristol’s decision to have her baby and we look forward to removing that decision-making and enforcing births as government policy.
What blows my mind is not Palin’s teen daughter’s sex life (for only in GOP FantasyLand does anyone believe that teens don’t have one)–but that everyone is seemingly giving the Palins a free pass on all the LIES!
Her daughter had “mono”? Uh, sure. Her water broke, but no, it didn’t really break, but yes, it did break? My daughter was NOT pregnant because my daughter IS pregnant? Uh…okay…. Pro-life, abstinence-only, teen pregnancy bad/teen pregnancy good? Sexed doubletalk? Yum!
Really, it’s all enough to give a rightwing columnist Tourette’s. Oh wait—they all have it already anyway.
Do you think Obama’s daughter would be left alone if she were pregnant? Hell no. She would be called a ho. So we are perfectly free to attack the Palins. We need a 527 on this!
and Bristol is a poster child for how this fails.
The problem is that the right doesn’t CARE if abstinence-only fails. They can just point their cheeto-encrusted fingers at the poor knocked-up kid and scream “HEATHEN!”
Abstinence-only education isn’t designed to prevent unwanted pregnancies. It’s designed to shame kids who have sex and keep women who DO have sex chained to the home with a baby. It’s a subtle difference, I know, but don’t for a second delude yourselves into thinking the goopers have any qualms about dooming a child to a miserable life if it suits their political aims.