Our only comfort is that Ryan doesn’t get it either
Whenever we feel down, whenever we find ourselves running out of ideas, whenever we think we’ve officially bottomed out and consider bringing in a guest blogger, we know where to find our salvation: The Rant.us, the “common sense news issue magazine with an admittedly conservative slant.” Also, a lot of first rate loons.
We’ve written about one such specimen, Ryan Thompson, previously. And if we weren’t on an AOL dial up account, we’d give you a link. We like Ryan, because he reminds us of earlier, simpler times. Men were men back then, and when they decided that straw had been acting up lately, they didn’t hesitate in showing straw who’s boss:
Before we can get into the specific flaws of modern day liberalism, we must understand the fundamental problem.
Tell us, oh wise one!
Liberalism underestimates the potential of the average citizen. According to modern day liberal philosophy, the average citizen cannot make it on their own. To exist, the average citizen requires assistance from the government.
Who here could forget the great liberal line: “I receive unemployment insurance compensation since the board of directors of my old employer was indicted on several counts of fraud and the company went bankrupt, therefore I am.”
Until the left recognizes that Americans are against the nanny state, they will not be able to gain a substantial portion of the vote.
Until that fateful day, the Democrats will have to realize that the best they can do is win 47 to 49% of the vote in presidential elections, a sure sign that most Americans do not want this so-called “nanny state.” All of this advice, of course, coming too late for Kerry/Edwards’ ill-advised campaign slogan, “We Will Nanny You.”
The liberal position allows for compromising of our freedoms while the conservative position defends them. This is why liberals are willing to allow a dictator to stay in power when conservatives are calling for their head.
Ladies and gentlemen: we swear we didn’t make up that last passage. Go check out Ryan’s article if you like, it’s in there.
By forcing gay marriage down the throats of the American people, they have created the opposite.
The opposite of gay marriage being? Speaking of which, is chicken the opposite of tuna, or is it salmon?
If the left wants to suck some air out of the values’ movement, they need to set an agenda that limits the number of abortions.
We’re willing to settle for one abortion for every woman, with an abortion-trading scheme. Under our plan, Ann Coulter is not granted one.
If the left does not figure out how to save social security without raising taxes, they are likely to alienate even greater numbers of young voters.
So be brave Democrats and save social security the President Bush Way: run up a huge deficit.
With the average age of Democrats being 60, they clearly need to expand their youth base or face total isolation in the future.
We wanted to check the source of that particular piece of knowledge, before deciding we were happy staying away from Ryan’s ass.
Instead of supporting defeat and compromise, they must advocate victory and life.
Because in Wingnut Land, saying you’re losing is like advocating defeat. So stop saying that, and also please limit your killing to the poor, minors, goofy bastards, and people with incompetent counsel convicted on the basis of flimsy evidence. Thank you.
We’re willing to settle for one abortion for every woman, with an abortion-trading scheme. Under our plan, Ann Coulter is not granted one.
Under my plan, Ann Coulter’s mother can still use her credit.
Under my plan, Ann Coulter’s mother can still use her credit.
BAHAHAHA. This is the best comment of the week.
Hey, if you ever run out of stuff at THE RANT, I recommend checking out The War on Pornography…
Please!!! There are other Ryan’s out there and we don’t want to get a bad name. There are good Ryans, there are honest Ryans, there are devoted family Ryans… We don’t know where they are, but they must BE!
After all, a world without Ryans would be a world without 2/3rds of California born in 1971.
Be kind to them and they will find a way.
In other news: Liberals hate sunshine and cute little puppies. Will their evil never end?
I realise this is preaching to the converted but:
We are all familiar with the recent natural disaster in the Southwest Pacific, a tragedy that inflicted suffering and death on a magnitude beyond our ability to comprehend. If any good comes of it, it will be because events of this kind this force us to reflect on our own places within the universe, as well as the place of humanity in general. We must have the courage to ask the hard questions about our own existences, even if they seem unanswerable and make us uneasy. To those who believe in an all-powerful, all-loving God, that is, the majority of Canadians and the overwhelming majority of the world, I ask: ?How could God allow this to happen? Why would a just God cause the deaths of so many innocents?? I wish to show you that these questions have only one answer: He does not exist.
If you’d like to read the rest of it, please click on the comment’s
http://feelinbyronic.blogspot.com
If you agree, please spread it on, so that some good may come of this tragedy.
Hmmm… I wonder if Ryan’s use of the term “nanny state” is only an attempt to distract us from the actual two-mistresses-with-an-illegal-condo-at-Ground-Zero state?
some of the evidence would have to go on steroids to attain flimsy.
please limit your killing to the poor, minors, goofy bastards, and people with incompetent counsel convicted on the basis of flimsy evidence.
Iraqis are off limits now?! No fair! Support our troops!
Until they do this, they will lose election after election without end.
Hmmm. Ryan doesn’t seem to mind nannying the Democrats. It amazes me how the victorious Republicans are so willing to put an arm around the Democrats’ shoulder and gently advise, “Look here, son, next time….” It’s so touching. It’s so comforting. Like the Judge with Andy Hardy. Like Ward with Wally and Beaver. Like Andy with Opie. Like Clark Griswold with Rusty. It’s just so damned American.
Ryan needs a nanny to teach him some grammar.
Why is it that wingnuts can’t mention gay marriage without using the phrase “forcing [it] down our throats”? And what would this peculiarity be called? Projection? A Freudian slip? A desperate cry for help, and blow jobs?
If the left wants to suck some air out of the values’ movement…
…they should not admit defeat and suck up to the GOP. They should counter by promulgating progressive values vociferously!
Them ‘r big words, Ryan, may need to look ’em up in that dicky-nary thing.
Happy Friggin’ New Year.
At least I can count on finding some laughs here and there. Maladjusted also had this hilarious link to the Swift Report, who were “reporting” on the White House’s “Rapture Contingency Plans.” And bless Sadly, No! for …
instead of supporting defeat and compromise, they must advocate victory and life.
So Democrats must do a make-over and become members of the Jem’Hadar?
Damn!! thehim beat me to it!!
We’re willing to settle for one abortion for every woman, with an abortion-trading scheme.
It would be just like the trading of ‘pollution credits’. Women who don’t use their abortion–say, because they are sterile, or are male-to-female transsexuals–can trade their abortion credit to a woman who has already used hers. Or sell it on eBay, whatever. The total number of abortions remains within acceptable limits.