Shorter Rich Lowry

Biden and Putting His Kids to Bed


ABOVE: Rich “We’re Winning” Lowry

  • In his speech on Saturday, Biden talked about sitting at his kitchen table and talking after he put his kids to bed. But his kids are all grown up now and don’t need to be put to bed! Liar, liar, pants on fire!!! Typical.

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Comments: 106

 
 
 

Are all conservatives nitiwts or just the ones who know how to write?

 
 

I take issue with your assertion that Lowry can write. Sure, he can type random whiny crap, but that’s not really writing.

 
 

Is that picture real(ly him)?

[Clif adds: Yes, it’s him, although I thought he looked better in the clown get-up than the clothes he was originally wearing.]

 
 

Wow, they came out swinging strong, huh?

 
 

My kitchen table is not, in fact, like Joe Biden’s, as it is custom-made. LIAR!!

 
 

They brought it on. Their A-Team.

 
Johnny Coelacanth
 

Terribly, terribly off topic, but the fire sprinkler mysteriously went off in Fox News’ space at the Denver convention center.

“After going off, the sprinkler released 50 to 100 gallons of water per minute and 9NEWS crews estimate it was on for around 5 minutes.”

 
 

Also, when he said “My fellow Americans,” he gave no proof whatsoever that they were fellows.

 
 

Also, when he said “My fellow Americans,”

Although I am easy, especially when liquored up, I am not yet his. LIAR!!

 
 

I take issue with your assertion that Lowry can write. Sure, he can type random whiny crap, but that’s not really writing.

He’s that “infinite monkey” you keep hearing about….

 
 

“After going off, the sprinkler released 50 to 100 gallons of water per minute and 9NEWS crews estimate it was on for around 5 minutes.”

Typical. The Southwest is in a drought and Fox news has to show off…

 
 

Wow. More proof that lower life forms have no concept of a distinct past, present and future.

“After going off, the sprinkler released 50 to 100 gallons of water per minute and 9NEWS crews estimate it was on for around 5 minutes.”

TERRISTS! ANGRY PROTESTORS! OBAMA SMOKING CIGARETTES! RUN 4 UR LIFE!

 
 

Ladies and gentlemen, your kitchen table is like mine. You sit there at night before you put the kids — after you put the kids to bed and you talk, you talk about what you need. You talk about how much you are worried about being able to pay the bills.

What worries me is that Rich Lowry writes for National Review and apparently doesn’t know the difference between 1st and 2nd person pronouns. I believe you refers to someone other than Joe Biden.

 
 

“After going off, the sprinkler released 50 to 100 gallons of water per minute and 9NEWS crews estimate it was on for around 5 minutes.”

Well, they DID pray for torrential rain…

 
 

Terribly, terribly off topic, but the fire sprinkler mysteriously went off in Fox News’ space at the Denver convention center.

My prayers have been answered!

 
 

Also, I heard Biden doesn’t even have a kitchen table, let alone kids or bills. It’s more of a snack-bar type peninsula with high stools. And it’s made of GRANITE!!!1!!!!1

 
 

I don’t have a kitchen table. Oh, or children. Why does Joe Biden hate me? I’ma vote for McCain now.

 
 

Which kitchen table? In which house? And are they all accessible by private jet? I think Biden needs to answer these questions ASAP.

 
 

If they are reduced to nitpicking miniscule “gaffes” like this and Obama introducing Biden as “the next president…vice president of the United States…”, for the first time I have to say that we have nothing to worry about.

 
 

Also, I heard Biden doesn’t even have a kitchen table, let alone kids or bills. It’s more of a snack-bar type peninsula with high stools. And it’s made of GRANITE!!!1!!!!1

He built it out of thousands of failed bankruptcy filings that his son provided….

 
 

I don’t sit at the kitchen table at night when they kids go to bed. It’s too far from the alcohol.

 
 

Hell yeah. I agree with Susan.

What’s wrong with the couch, y’goddam elitists?

mikey

 
Johnny Coelacanth
 

Did Lowry bother to mention that John McCain didn’t even have a kitchen table to sit around when he was a prisoner of war in a prisoner of war camp in Vietnam, where he was a POW?

 
 

When I was a kid, we all slept under the kitchen table, except we couldn’t sleep because our Mom and Dad kept arguing about which of us to sell to the medical lab next.

 
 

“After going off, the sprinkler released 50 to 100 gallons of water per minute and 9NEWS crews estimate it was on for around 5 minutes.”

It’s raining MEN, hallelujah, it’s raining men!

 
 

Unless Biden table has 4 jackets, a bunch of loose change, bills, bottle caps, somebody’s keys, a cat toy, a broken Snoopy watch, and a Dandy Warhols cd sitting on it, it is nothing like my kitchen table. His nomination is a slap in the face!!

 
 

When I was a kid, we all slept under the kitchen table, except we couldn’t sleep because our Mom and Dad kept arguing about which of us to sell to the medical lab next.

Paradise. When I was a kid we were served on the kitchen table in lieu of Tater Tots and we had to eat every bite of ourselves before we went to sleep.

 
 

Oh how I DREAMED of having a table to sleep under!

 
 

My kitchen is too small for a table, there’s just a counter. However, there IS a dining room table, but I’m unable to translate the analogy to a different location, since I’m so literally minded.

 
 

So many kitchen tables. So many elitists, in this thread.

 
 

So, Mr. Biden, are the differing kitchen tables of America not a source of its strength? Answer me THAT.

 
 

Obama’s family used to gather around the rotten log in the dirt clearing before the communal straw hut shared by all the members of his tribe. They didn’t actually talk, but communicated by a series of gutteral clicks.

 
 

“Putting the kids to bed” is obviously a euphemism, much like “dropping the kids off at the pool.”

In fact, I wish Biden had actually said: “Ladies and gentlemen, your kitchen table is like mine. You sit there at night after you “drop the kids off at the pool” [pause for a wink and an elbow nudge] and you talk, you talk about what you need.”

 
 

Paradise. When I was a kid we were served on the kitchen table in lieu of Tater Tots and we had to eat every bite of ourselves before we went to sleep.

Elitist. My parents tried to abort me, but I somehow survived, and they spent the next 18 years ritually killing me, reviving my corpse every day.

Top that.

 
 

New McCain Spot:

John McCain spent years in a POW camp, forced to subsist on a thin stew made of fish, vegetables, prawns, coconut milk, and four kinds of rice. He came close to madness trying to find it here in the States, but they just can’t get the spices right!

And Joe Biden worries about kitchen tables.

 
Joe Biden's Kitchen Table
 

I can attest that, at no time I am aware of, have any of Joe Biden’s children slept under me. Do you really want this elitist a heartbeat away from the Presidency?

 
 

John McCain spent years in a POW camp, forced to subsist on a thin stew made of fish, vegetables, prawns, coconut milk, and four kinds of rice. He came close to madness trying to find it here in the States, but they just can’t get the spices right!

There was that time that they didn’t have any more cocunuts, since the professor had used them all to make a radio.

 
The Kitchen Chairs
 

What are we, chopped liver?

 
John Sidney McCain
 

Look, I specifically directed our wait-staff to discuss the state of my children’s trust funds after they tucked them in for the evening. Well, at the least the staff in La Jolla and Palm Beach, I can’t recall what we instructed them in Aspen or elsewhere or course. And by “staff” I mean the evening shift – the morning and afternoon employees probably got different instructions. You’d have to ask their supervisors as to their day-by-day assignments.

Regardless, rest assured Cindy and I are deeply concerned with the welfare of our children and yours, no matter what those elitist privileged liberals say.

 
McCain's Former Kitchen Table
 

Sure, McCain used to come home to me and the family every night. Until he started slipping it to that fancy schmancy butcher block kitchen table, the one with blond wood and a trust fund.

 
 

Terribly, terribly off topic, but the fire sprinkler mysteriously went off in Fox News’ space at the Denver convention center.

“After going off, the sprinkler released 50 to 100 gallons of water per minute and 9NEWS crews estimate it was on for around 5 minutes.”

Trying to put out the stupid?

 
 

FYWP, if you please.

 
 

My parents tried to abort me, but I somehow survived, and they spent the next 18 years ritually killing me, reviving my corpse every day.

Luxury. I would have loved to have had my parents kill me every day. Instead they hired illegal aliens to kill us kids cheaply without worrying about the child-killing regulations in place.

 
 

There’s grasping at straws and then there is snorting drano and Chettos dust through them. Rich needs to back away from the Cheetos bag, slowly with his hands in the air.

 
 

Ladies and gentlemen, your kitchen table is like mine. You sit there at night before you put the kids — after you put the kids to bed and you talk, you talk about what you need. You talk about how much you are worried about being able to pay the bills.

What worries me is that Rich Lowry writes for National Review and apparently doesn’t know the difference between 1st and 2nd person pronouns. I believe you refers to someone other than Joe Biden.

Ladies and gentlemen – that’s Rich Lowry, the editor of National Review.

 
American Families for Family Values of the Family
 

Joe Biden only has one kitchen table. Yet there are more than a hundred million American families. Clearly only one candidate has enough kitchen tables for America and that candidate is not Joe Biden.

John McCain has the kitchen tables needed in these uncertain times. And he doesn’t even know how many he has, possibly because many of them are being used by hard-working, patriotic, heavily-armed American families to sit at while choosing how to pay the bills of physicians they choose to see.

Joe Biden: wrong on health care, wrong on tables.

“I’m Jahmackay and I approve this whazzit”

 
 

Ok, think about it.

McCain is just like bush.

Bush says EVERYTHING is on the table.

Therefore, you can’t sit at McCain’s table due to the covert ops, specwar ops, sanctions, airstrikes and nuclear weapons cluttering it up…

mikey

 
 

Unless Biden table has 4 jackets, a bunch of loose change, bills, bottle caps, somebody’s keys, a cat toy, a broken Snoopy watch, and a Dandy Warhols cd sitting on it, it is nothing like my kitchen table. His nomination is a slap in the face!!

I wouldn’t vote for him if he was the last POW on earth.

 
 

Which kitchen table? In which house? And are they all accessible by private jet?

I was raised in a middle class household with a middle class kitchen table which reflected our middle class values.

We didn’t each pate like some Delaware Senators I can mention. We ate liverwurst.

We didn’t have “private jets”, we had chauffered biplanes.

We didn’t drink sparkling French water. We drank club soda.

Why does Joe Biden hate middle America so?

 
 

Excuse me if my outrage over this bit of Biden dishonesty eludes me. I understand that he only sat at that table every night for 19 or 20 years after the kids were put to bed, after which point the kids grew up and moved out….meanwhile, I have no kids to put to bed, so I have to sit around the kitchen table by myself and ponder the $2600 dental bill I have coming next week. What the hell, it’s only 1/12th of my annual take home income, certainly no big deal compared to a guy who’s obviously lying about sitting at a table after putting the kids to bed…

Seriously, when we’ve reached a point where basic dentistry can easily consume 10-15% of the average family’s annual income, you’d think someone would figure out there’s a real problem there.

 
 

I didn’t die face down in the muck for this.

 
 

so I have to sit around the kitchen table by myself

My therapist gave me some medications for that, and I reunited with myself.

 
 

I like the way Krugman brings up the Limbaugh “gigolo” smear against Kerry and applies it to McPOW:

And you might think that a party committed to tax cuts for the rich, a party that routinely castigates those who engage in “class warfare,” would shy away from attacking a Democrat for his wealth. But raw class envy played an important role in the attacks on Mr. Kerry, whom Rush Limbaugh described repeatedly as a “gigolo” with a “sugar daddy wife,” and G.O.P. supporters don’t seem to have experienced any cognitive dissonance.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/25/opinion/25krugman.html?hp

“John McCain – American Gigolo.”

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

Umm, also on the fact-checking of Biden, that seven houses thing was a sort of amalgam addition/voodoo calculus determination. For example it counted the double luxury beachfront condo as one single “house”. At six thousand square feet it likely has more than one kitchen table. Also the little “cabin” in Sedona? That’s four or six or something like that buildings. So in MdC style:

MYTH: Joe Biden claims that John McCain has difficulties figuring out which of his seven kitchen tables to sit at.
FACT: John McCain actually has well over a dozen kitchen tables. Also John McCain never sits at a kitchen table – that’s something the help does. Finally, John McCain was a POW!

 
 

In other news:

And a new McCain radio ad running in battleground states says, “Celebrities like to spend their millions. Barack Obama is no different. Only it’s your money he wants to spend.”

Meanwhile, the Web site Wilshire and Washington, published by Variety magazine, reported McCain will be paying a visit to some other celebrities when he travels to Los Angeles Monday for an appearance on “The Tonight Show.”

McCain will attend a fundraiser at the Beverly Hilton, an event Angie Harmon, David Zucker, Jon Cryer, Craig T. Nelson, Jon Voight, Craig Haffner and Robert Duvall are expected to attend, the Web site said.

http://www.kcci.com/politics/17264479/detail.html

Jon Cryer? For fuck’s sake. He’s dead to me now.

And Angie Harmon is not nearly as hot as everyone thinks she is.

 
 

I make the kitchen table sit at ME!

 
 

FACT: John McCain actually has well over a dozen kitchen tables. Also John McCain never sits at a kitchen table – that’s something the help does. Finally, John McCain was a POW!

Indeed, as part of his torture, John McCain was forced to sit at a kitchen table and talk things out with his family….

 
United Gigolo Workers of the US
 

We do not sit at kitchen tables, we make sweet, sweet love on them.

 
 

We do not sit at kitchen tables, we make sweet, sweet love on them.

Elitist liberal prevert!

Got tapes?

 
John McCain's Kitchen Staffs
 

Ewwwww!

 
United Gigolo Workers of the US
 

We are conservative gigolos. Just ask our president, Jeff Gannon.

Tapes are on sale for $19.99. Email Jonah Goldberg@NRO.

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

Also, Katie Couric’s crew haven’t learned anything. It’ll be amusing if they continue with this approach of editting JiSM3 down so he doesn’t look as out of touch or relying too much on POW! POW! POW! – because if they do, that’ll lead to some very short interviews.

 
Rich's Rules of Order
 

The matter of the table is before the chair. I move to table the motion to move the table, and would like to seat a committee to discuss the nomination of new chair to head the table committee. All in favor?

 
 

I hear that when John McCain came home from VietNam, he came home to a perfectly good four-person chrome and vinyl kitchen table, but when one of its legs got slightly wobbly, he tossed it in the trash and quickly replaced it with a very expensive hand-crafted “cherry wood plank” luxury kitchen table that seats eighteen.

McCain also has a secret kitchen table that is mysteriously unavailable for press access.*

* though referred to as a “kitchen” table, please note that this table is most often found in the lobby.

 
 

I wouldn’t vote for him if he was the last POW on earth.

I never thought you’d be a Republican ’cause Republicans are so passe.

 
 

Here’s Cindy McCain’s kitchen table.

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

a very expensive hand-crafted “cherry wood plank” luxury kitchen table

Ha ha ha, but that “cherry wood plank” has more plastic in it than wood.

 
 

John McCain: Five years less American than you think.

 
 

…but that “cherry wood plank” has more plastic in it than wood.

I’ve also heard that, unfortunately, that particular kitchen table is often infested with pill bugs (aka the “pill wood louse”).

 
 

The matter of the table is before the chair. I move to table the motion to move the table, and would like to seat a committee to discuss the nomination of new chair to head the table committee. All in favor?

I’d like to take up the carpet tax.

 
 

Jennifer–

My daughter had var. procedures and tests done at a hospital about eight months ago. Imagine my surprise when I got a bill for $12,000 plus, and found out that (through my own stupidity) I wasn’t insured. Panic isn’t the word.
Then imagine my surprise when the hospital sent, unasked, a new bill for half that amount.
So my wife called and arranged a monthly payment which we can handle. Yes, it will go on until the heat death of the universe, but what else is new?
Your dentist will make a similar arrangement. This is Murca! We have the greatest ( your fantasy here ) in the world!
(And the hospital never did identify the source of my daughter’s pain.)

 
 

Well, they DID pray for torrential rain…

4tW.

 
Tim (The Other One)
 

I can’t take this anymore. The fact is, I’m goin’ over to Biden’s house and have a look around.

 
 

The fact is, I’m goin’ over to Biden’s house and have a look around.

Can you check to see if he has rugs or did he have the carpeting plugged into the floor like his scalp?

 
 

The fact is, I’m goin’ over to Biden’s house and have a look around.

The fact is, be sure to pick up a copy of Kerning for Dummies before you go.

 
 

“I never thought you’d be a Republican ’cause Republicans are so passe.”

McCain rules, ok?

 
 

Legalize, get your Simpsons references straight. It’s thin gruel.

 
 

so Biden’s kids are grown up and living their own lives

and john mcsame still pivks up the bills for his adult kids

had to buy another condo cuz the kids were flopping at the fitst one and mcsame couldn’t find a bed

so how does having a dependant adult child help mcsame ???

 
 

Jon Cryer? For fuck’s sake. He’s dead to me now.

I honestly had no idea he was alive to anyone.

 
Rich's Rules of Order
 

“Jon Cryer? For fuck’s sake.”

Yeah. Like I needed another reason NOT to watch Two and a half men. If only Andie had left the prom with Ducky instead of Blaine, all this might have been avoided.

 
 

Obama’s family […] didn’t actually talk, but communicated by a series of gutteral clicks.
I didn’t realise he was Glaswegian.

 
 

My kitchen table, incidentally, is currently occupied by a model of Devil’s Tower, made out of mashed potatoes and gravy. The Frau Doktorin is not well-pleased about this, even after I explained that it wasn’t me, it was my campaign.

 
 

I’m beginning to wonder if the Virgin Ben and Richard “Dick” Lowry are one and the same. It’s like they (he) have stupidity deadlines.

And I think I’ve discovered why Rethuglicans have no sense of humor. Both Dick and Ben have written columns that are essentially jokes. Think about it. If Jay Leno had told the traffic jam story, it would have been a joke – literally. We would have yukked it up and moved on. Same for Biden’s putting the kids to bed. Sure, not the funniest jokes, but extreme conclusion-jumping that is humor is there.

Now try to imagine Dick and Ben reading from Leno’s nightly script. It would come out dead serious. “I just flew in from Vegas, and boy are my arms tired. Fucking liberals.”

Ben’s next column:

Girl: My family sent me here because I like pancakes.
Psychiatrist: There’s nothing wrong with pancakes.
Girl: Oh goody – you have to come to my house. I have trunks and trunks full of them.
Psychiatrist: Fucking liberals.

They don’t know the difference between comedy and reality. It’s all real to them.

 
 

“Yeah. Like I needed another reason NOT to watch Two and a half men. If only Andie had left the prom with Ducky instead of Blaine, all this might have been avoided.”

Come on now. Ducky was plainly a liberal elitist, while Blaine was war veteran, very much in touch with the issues facing working families, i.e. tables and table-related accessories.

 
 

Nice picture BTW. I wonder how he gets the blood out of his clown suit?

 
Johnny Coelacanth
 

“Ducky was plainly a liberal elitist, while Blaine was war veteran, ”

But, Blaine was rich; Ducky was from the same… Ah, got it. Class War. Elitism. Penis.

 
 

the double luxury beachfront condo […] likely has more than one kitchen table. Also the little “cabin” in Sedona […] four or six or something like that…
FACT: John McCain actually has well over a dozen kitchen tables.

This is too confusing. I’m losing track of all the different buildings, kitchens and tables. Couldn’t you just extract the important details and line them up in columns in some form of tabulated format? I demand a Table Table.

 
 

I demand a Table Table.

For your Pizza Pizza?

 
Hints from Heloise
 

I wonder how he gets the blood out of his clown suit?

I wish I had a nickel for every time I’ve been asked this question! The answer is simple: A little club soda, a little elbow grease, and poof! Your clown-suit bloodstains are history!

 
 

History is a clown-suit bloodstain from which I’m struggling to awake.

 
 

My kitchen table, incidentally, is currently occupied by a model of Devil’s Tower, made out of mashed potatoes and gravy. The Frau Doktorin is not well-pleased about this, even after I explained that it wasn’t me, it was my campaign.

The good news is that at some point in the near future the campaign will put you together with Teri Garr.

 
 

Thanks, Jennifer. I’m also lucky enough not to have kids. I even have dental insurance through work, and can just barely afford government-subsidized health insurance. That means I only have to pay half of my dental costs (up to the first $1000) and I have permission to go to the emergency room!
So far I’m staving off the dentist by only going in when something falls out of my mouth. That works for now. However, I really wish that my “insurance” would cover innoculations, because I am trying to do some volunteer work in India and I REALLY can’t afford the $400-800 that MGH quoted to me. I may just have to wait until I get there. It wouldn’t be the first time that I’ve fled to a third world country to get access to basic health care.

 
 

Heh. We gather round the kitchen table twice yearly – Thanksgiving and Christmas. The rest of the year it is workdesk/cat lounging spot.

 
 

My kitchen is too small for a table. Will a table in the alcove between the kitchen and living room do??

 
 

Reagan didn’t use a kitchen table. What kind of republican is McCain if he has a kitchen table?
http://z.about.com/d/history1900s/1/0/-/1/reagan18.jpg

 
 

Gahhh!!! Did Nancy decorate that place? The horror, the horror.

 
 

>Reagan didn’t use a kitchen table. What kind of republican is McCain if he has a kitchen table?
>http://z.about.com/d/history1900s/1/0/-/1/reagan18.jpg

Christ on a taxpayer-supported crutch that’s some nasty crap covering the furniture and in front of the windows. The upholstery is ugly too.

 
 

But raw class envy played an important role in the attacks on Mr. Kerry, whom Rush Limbaugh described repeatedly as a “gigolo” with a “sugar daddy wife,” and G.O.P. supporters don’t seem to have experienced any cognitive dissonance.

Talk to any Gopper and what you find out is they truly identify with McCain’s war record. Kerry won medals and saved lives. Goppers instinctively know they would have ended up as P.O.W.s at some point.

 
 

the Denver Convention Center tried, but you just can’t wash away the stain that is faux gnus

least not with water

you’d need acetone or something stronger to get the stain of faux gnus off of you

and you’ll never get rid of the smell …

 
Five of Diamonds
 

Hah, Biden’s never had kids! His children age backwards.

 
President John McCain
 

yeah, Jennifer, I wish I could help ya folks out with these dental bills, but we have other priorities right now. Give me a ring at around year 2109, we may be able to do something about it.
Cheers!
POW!
Arugula

 
 

My kitchen is too small for a table. Will a table in the alcove between the kitchen and living room do??

In an Obama administration, you will have a kitchen table if one has to be fit in there.

In a McCain administration, you will lose your alcove.

 
 

How McNavyCap can counter this irresponsible and clearly manipulative statement:

“I know that most Americans, when asked how many houses they own as they disembark from their private plane with their sugar mama in tow while wearing their $500 old-guy loafers, answer “I’m not sure, you’d have to ask my wife”.

A vote for me is a vote for a guy who speaks American, a guy who ‘gets it’, not like that kitchen table elitist Biden.”

 
 

http://z.about.com/d/history1900s/1/0/-/1/reagan18.jpg

1) “Skipper! SKIPPERRRRR!”

2) dinners courtesy of the Lileks Gallery of Regrettable Food

2) “Mommy, the walls are crawling with giant, fanged Funky Winkerbeans!”

 
 

Terribly, terribly off topic, but the fire sprinkler mysteriously went off in Fox News’ space at the Denver convention center.

Even inanimate objects know… if it involves Fox “News”, pants are going to be afire!

 
 

Oh noez!
It’s TABLE-GATE!
Yet more proof that Dems want Teh Tear-her-wrists to win!

Lowry’s tepid mucilage is eating valuable bandwidth that could otherwise be used for good wholesome things like porn. Needs more content.

 
 

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