We Stand In Awe Of The Power Of The Butt Missile
It is obviously dangerous for John “Butt Missile” Hinderaker to have his head up his ass when the missile goes off:
In his speech to the Veterans of Foreign Wars today, Barack Obama complained that John McCain has questioned his patriotism … :
Democrat Barack Obama challenged his Republican opponent John McCain on Tuesday to stop questioning his “character and patriotism.”
Obama seems to think that challenging an opponent’s patriotism is routine in Presidential politics.
Well, Obama didn’t say it was routine in Presidential politics, but let’s let John run with this for a second because there’s a good chance he’s going to fall on his face. And — ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! — he does:
Actually, I can’t recall a single instance when it’s happened.
You are probably sitting their harumphing and thinking up smart retorts to this whopper, like this:
Where has Butt Missile been the last several months? Vacationing on one of the moons of Jupiter? Hiding in his bedroom with his head stuck up his butt? Trapped in a restroom in the Minneapolis airport? Every single newspaper and news source, Faux News perhaps excepted, reported McCain’s charge that Obama would rather lose a war than a political campaign. What kind of dolt is he?
Ah, but you underestimate the argumentative skills of the Butt Missile who, as you may have forgotten, is a Super Awesome Power Litigator for Faegre & Benson, a Minneapolis firm that you’ve never heard of, but which regularly makes the senior partner at our New York law firm break into a sweat and sob like a three-year-old just at the mention of its name. Here’s how Butt Missile reduces your snappy retort to smithereens:
While Obama spoke with his usual vagueness, he seemed to be objecting to McCain’s speech to the same group on the previous day. … For what it’s worth, McCain never spoke the word “patriotism” in [that] speech
Ha! Silly liberal. Hinderaker has pwned you! Don’t you know you can’t impugn someone’s patriotism without actually using the word “patriotism”? And if Obama “seemed to be” referring to one speech, he has to use that exact word in that exact speech. Hinderaker wins! You lose!!
Although, what about the charges that Kerry lied to congress and shot his own men in combat?
Or the charges that Clinton left the country to duck the draft instead of serving?
Or… Well, I’m certain something was against Gore or Mondale, but I just can’t think of it now.
Yeah, this is basic ‘avoid the argument’. Person (McCain) says something full of insinuation, but never says an exact sequence of words. Second person (us) reads insinuation as obvious, and say exact sequence of word. Tool (Moonraker here) says, “well, if he really said that, why can’t you show me that exact sequence of words, presto change-o, McCain is #1!”
Mixing blockquotes between quoting Buttmissile and the “retort” one confused me a bit, Clif.
Maybe if we all call him fat we can give him bulimia. It’d improve on the teeth.
It might just be me, but when seen out of the corner of the eye, that ‘The Ugly Truth’ ad on the right looks like an ad for some kind of really, really, really fucked-up porn.
It’s freaking me out a little.
Obama seems to think that challenging an opponent’s patriotism is routine in Presidential politics.
Yeah, because Reagan won both elections on his winsome supply-side optimism.
I can’t parse this as anything except a sneering jagoff pretending that Obama is insecure about his patriotism because he mentions the concerted effort by the right to whip it out and beat off with Old Glory in his face.
I know you guys like Teh Spite™, but really, the flag pin shit seemed puerile to people (almost everyone I know either remembers when flag pins were the tasteless, faintly disrespectful province of used-car salesmen or doesn’t but appreciated someone, however briefly, pointing out that they’re the cheapest, most meaningless kind of political gesture) and everything else anyone’s accused Obama of in terms of patriotism is a lie and everyone knows it.
Obama is as ‘patriotic’ as any candidate in the election except maybe Paul and Kucinich (amusing enough, in great part because what those two agree on is essentially the fundamental parts of America that the modern bipartisan consensus holds in contempt); pointing it out like this is going to alienate everyone, because it’s reminding them that the Republicans have literally nothing to run on but puerile name-calling and also that all America represents to them is the potential for personal gain.
This never would have happened if John McCain was still alive!
EPU’ed from the last thread, because El Gato Negro deserves more compliments for his brilliance.
It’s the perfect bumpersticker/button slogan anti-Repub argument for the Old People demographic, and I say that because I’ve used less succinct versions myself with some success. The current batch of Oval Office Occupants and Rethug wanna-be-occupants are middle-aged junkies, fools, and fuckups who’ve trashed the whole godsdamned neighborhood while maxing out every credit card they could fraudulently obtain. They’re all a disgrace to their ancestry. And since none of them could stand up, straighten out, and put on their grown-up pants long enough to secure the nomination without embarrassing everyone in the immediate vicinity, they’ve dragged Old John McCain off the links at the Mature Living Center for one more lap around the track. Now that all the bills are coming due for the last eight years of hard partying and bar fights, Willard, Rudy-Boy, Huxterberry Finn and of course GEORGE W. BUSH are too lazy, spoiled, and incompetent to sack up for the monumental task of cleaning up the mess they’ve so much enjoyed making for all the rest of us. Old John has suffered greatly over many years of public service (leaving aside all questions of the quality and direction of such service), and he deserves the chance to sit on the porch of one or another of his vacation homes, suck down a few discount brews from his wife’s family’s distributorship, and chuckle at the possibility of scoring enough viagra to pester his old lady some. Instead, he’s being put through the quadrennial dog-and-donkey show that’s famous for breaking the strength of even the young and vigorous, because his political “offspring” are a bunch of selfish bloodsuckers who don’t deserve to be given any more chances. Because, even if you can’t bring yourself to vote for That Colored Kid, you can at least give yourself the satisfaction of NOT VOTING REPUBLICAN for once.
Believe me, every dedicated voter in the 60-to-80 age group who’s had to postpone their own retirement, sell the summer cottage / RV / boat they spent years scrimping for, or take a part-time job at Wal-Mart because their useless effing offspring has gone bankrupt playing pyramid schemes, been jailed for selling meth to a known narc, or simply disappeared into brain-addled uselessness, leaving Gramps & Granny to raise their damaged and traumatized offspring — IF they can find the poor kids, after the commonlaw step-parent fled the state and the social service drones on the other side of the country lost the records — will resonate to the argument that Incurious George and his Fratboy Ratfvckers don’t deserve any more chances to screw us all over. And, trust me, there’s plenty of these Grandparents-With-Custody in every “nice” suburban neighborhood these days, because the last 20 years of “conservative triumphs” and economic bubbles have done so much to reduce what used to be the white-collar middle-class demographic back to working-poor one-paycheck-away-from-disaster serfdom.
John McCain: No Old War Hero Deserves to Suffer Four More Years of This Mess. With a little practice, you’ll be able to say it out loud without giggling.
The ultimate anti-McCain talking point would be to get some reasonably neutral talking head to say something like “You know what? Being a POW and surviving takes a lot of fortitude, but it doesn’t make you president material any more than being a rape victim and surviving would.”
Then watch conservatives everywhere lose every single female vote by insisting that being a POW makes you a hero, being raped just makes you a victim.
I’m guessing he’s in charge of the division that deals with sending bills to collections.
Wait, second in charge.
Amirite?
It’s a remarkably similar approach to religious nuts who say: “Separation of church and state doesn’t appear anywhere in the constitution.”
So when I point out that Hinderocket is a traitorous mound of treasonous muck who would sell out his country for a bag of Cheetos and three under-aged penguins to be used as sex slaves, I never question his ‘patriotism’
Incidentally, we should thank the fatty for giving us something to put next to the definition of ‘sophomoric’ in the dictionary. Never has so much said so little.
Whoah. Assrocket actually thinks McCain is still running a clean and honorable campaign. That’s some fantastically powerful ability of self-delusion. Even Michael “McCain’s so dreamy” Scherer has dropped that lie.
Oh, the title of the Powertools piece reminds me that I should mention that Hinderaker has just played the “I’m a stupid moron, who blows goats and sometimes has difficulty making poopy, and am also stupid and a moron” card. Although perhaps “the” might be incorrect, as it seems that he has a lot of these.
Since John can’t remember a time when Obama’s patriotism was questioned by McCain, perhaps he should have talked to Scott first.
PENIS
The fact is, all you’ve got it BDS. Bush is not running, but he did have a hugleyl successfull America, and if you did not prosper in the last 7 years you are a looser. Get over it. Hussein Obama is an out of touch eleitist and will never win the Heartland, he is the real racist and USA hater. McCain is a regular guy who worked hard like me. I can’t wait to be in your face the day after election about how awesome our country is, while you pack up and move to France or Cuba.
Our last seven years have been AWESOME!
http://www.jsonline.com/story/index.aspx?id=774782
So, Gary was born an admiral’s son too?
The real problem here is that liberals do not understand that John McCain is uncapable of behaving in any fashion that is not perfectly and ideally honorable. His POW service is unlike that of any other man in history, and his record of pure and de-alloyed uncorruption is perfect and inquestionable.
If the liberals could simple understand that first you watch what John McCain does and then that tells you what the most possible honorable behavior in the universe is. You don’t try to figure out what is right and wrong before John McCain does it, because that does not make sense. What is right and wrong is determinated by what John McCain does. It is extremelified simpleniciousness.
Hinderaker looks like one of the guys pushing Ron Kovic out of his wheelchair at the 1972 Republican convention.
And just to pile on: Hinderaker is the sort of person that was high-fiving everyone at his office on 9/11 because, even though we thought tens of thousands might be dead, he figured the attack was good for Republicans. But I would never question his patriotism.
That picture needs more corndog.
Also up on Buttmissile’s blog, observations on Joe Lieberman. Apparently, AP called Joememtum an “Independent” and the ASS-RAAM thinks it’s because of AP’s liberal Democrat bias because Joe’s obviously a (D) right? Nevermind that Joe has to use “Independent” in his own bio.
Well, I have to say that I actually think that the SacralStinger with Shit Moat payload is right. Joe Lieberman is about as independent as a sock-puppet with a neo-con hand jammed up its ass – a topic that Buttock Bullpup is surely familiar with.
McCain is a regular guy who worked hard like me
Ha ha ha ha ha! So you failed the hell out of West Point (not, in academic terms, exactly Yale), then became one of the Army’s worst pilots, sang like a songbird under basic interrogation after your inevitable catastrophic failure, then came home and left your long-suffering wife for a drugged-up food magnate’s daughter?
Man, Gary, I never thought you had it in you! Especially the part where you avoid a long-overdue court-martial – because your daddy and granddaddy are respectively an admiral and the commander of the US naval presence – long enough to actually friendly-fire kill enough American pilots to earn the generally-spurious ‘reverse ace’! That’s a fine resume, you treasonous fuck.
I bow down before the awesomeness of the great and wise Anne Laurie. Absolute bull’s-eye, as usual.
So if I say the woman who gave birth to Hindrocket consorts with farm animals I haven’t insulted his mother?
Gary is a hugleyl successfull speller.
“Apparently, AP called Joememtum an “Independent” and the ASS-RAAM thinks it’s because of AP’s liberal Democrat bias because Joe’s obviously a (D) right? ”
To be fair, the AP also called him a prick.
So if I say the woman who gave birth to Hindrocket consorts with farm animals I haven’t insulted his mother?
You’re simply referring to the circumstances of his birth, sir.
I think we might want to consider the Daddy Factor with regard to McCain. Fearful little children who wet the bed and fear the boogyman want a big strong (old) firm (grizzled and angry) tough Daddy hanging around, just in case things get really scary one night and they need Daddy to come in and turn on the lights and chase the invisible demons away. You think that skinny grinning Nigra fella’s gonna do it? Ha! If anything, he resembles the demon its own self!
No, scared American children don’t care if there’s a war somewhere far away, and they’re never going to get sick or die so they don’t care about health insurance, and for the rest of that stuff, well, patriotic minds are at work night and day to take care of everything. Just please please Daddy, come back in and make us feel safe from the monsters under the bed, now and forever, and we’ll say our prayers like good little boys and girls and everything will be fine.
Oh Gary, Bush is so yesterday. Now we have McCain derangement syndrome, or would if he weren’t so damn pitiful.
I can’t wait until Gary and the Coach get together and give the SPREAD on tongue-bathing.
This thread is still a lot shorter than the last, so I’ll say this here. As part of that “old” cohort, I’m fine with pointing out that McCain is a disgrace to old age. His constant verbal stumbling and fumbling makes us oldsters look bad. His vast ignorance of current events and modern technology paints us all with the fogey brush. We old folks demand more agile and sharp old candidates! “McCain: Senility, not Seniority.”
Wingers have been programed to only speak in code and to only UNDERSTAND the literal – when it suits them. If they don’t call Barack the n-word, they haven’t made mention of his race. If they don’t actually say the word “patriotism,” they haven’t impugned it. Yet, if Wes Clark points out that McCain’s status as a POW doesn’t qualify him to be president, such is a direct and irreperable assault on all things military, baseball, hot dogs, fat people, shopping malls, SUVs, etc.
Same as it ever was.
Which is why I am convinced that Joe Biden needs to be on this ticket. He’s just as much of an SoB as any GOPer, but he’s a bazillion times smarter.
> Tool says, “well, if he really said that, why can’t you show me that exact sequence of words, presto change-o!”
see also: Iraq, 9-11, correlations thereof
This thread is still a lot shorter than the last, so I’ll say this here. As part of that “old” cohort, I’m fine with pointing out that McCain is a disgrace to old age. His constant verbal stumbling and fumbling makes us oldsters look bad. His vast ignorance of current events and modern technology paints us all with the fogey brush. We old folks demand more agile and sharp old candidates! “McCain: Senility, not Seniority.
I wrote something about this a little while ago, albeit shortly after another, slightly meaner post.
The Presidency, like all high-authority jobs, require a constant commitment to remaining on top of things; considering that most people like McCain come to where they do politically out of a profound contempt for everything around them, they become bitter old men who consider the present beneath them. Someone’s internal clock being set in 1970 is regrettable, but it happens. (In McCain’s case, a mythical 1970 in which we were winning the war and the rebellious darkies were finally settling down. In short, 1950.) On the other hand, acting like everyone else’s should be, and getting violent and surly when people try and fill you in on the interim, disqualifies you from handling mail, let alone running the damn country.
McCain was an incurious, quasi-senile fucker when he graduated high school. It’s just that it’s a personal failing that becomes more obvious and unpleasant with age. You don’t see Jimmy Carter making an ass of himself like that, do you?
I never said Hindrocket was “incestuous”, i just said he enjoys having sex with his mother.
Is Powerline hiring? I could do this for a living, no problem.
I’m sorry, I’m laughing too hard at the p-shop.
That is p-shop, isn’t it?
I didn’t say that Buttrocket was into bestiality. Oh, no, no, no. I said that he liked blowing goats, not screwing them.
Or… Well, I’m certain something was against Gore or Mondale, but I just can’t think of it now.
Gore wore brown! Who elects a man who wears earth tones!?
He didn’t use the word “impugn” either! Obama is so bustid!!1
In
otherAssrocket gets everything backwards news, that there genius post ends with this:Ummm, after Phil Gramm – I thought you conservatives had to have a moratorium on the use of “whiner”. Regardless – Obama’s the whiner? Holy acusatory pots Batman, I guess this guy hasn’t been paying any attention to the McCain campaign. And dishing out personal attacks? Ummm, yeah – sure buddy – Obama’s attacking McCain’s character and not the other way around. Yeah.
Vulnerable on foreign policy and character? I guess you missed it when the Iraqi PM went and endorsed Obama’s plan for troop withdrawl – you know the plan that McCain called naive and defeatist – and has now had to say is a good idea. Or possibly you’ve missed the discussions about McCain’s character – about Carol McCain, about his pandering to “agents of intolerance” only to reject them after it becomes politically expedient to do so, about his occasional reversals on policies – including his position on reversals on policies.
And about how “it isn’t going to work”. Well, sure – you tools are going to continue spewing all sorts of crazy dishonest garbage in order to attack Obama whether or not you get accused of impugning his patriotism. Because you already question his patriotism and are proud to do so too.
Obama played the patriotism card!
You know. I stopped being surprised by the fReichtards about five minutes after I learned about them.*
First Bush II and now McBush could fuck five choir boys while setting kittens on fire in front of thousands and these clowns would rush to their computers to tell us how people who aren’t kitten burning pedophiles want the terrorists to win.
Still, Pud Buster just keeps getting funnier as his desperation increases.
*Two minutes if they’re lawyers.
Sorry, Fud Buster. Pud works, but not for Hindscraper. I hope.
John from April:
“Obama showed, once again, that he is a rare political talent. In contrast with his uncharacteristically poor performance in the Pennsylvania debate, Obama handled questions about Wright, Ayers, flag lapel pins–all the hot button topics he would rather avoid–deftly.”
John now:
“Read my own writing? Fuck you.”
The Republicans have been dissing Democrats’ patriotism back to the post-WWII period… after all “who lost China”; who let the Soviets take the Eastern block countries, etc. etc. etc.
Dang-nabbit, I’m sick to death of this patriotism horseshit. Just sick of it. No one gives a flyin’ fuck. It’s all about undermining Obama. So let John McPOW have it. That’s all he’s got. Let him have it. I want Obama to present a health-care plan. I want to hear Obama talk about how we’re going to preserve Social Security. I want to hear Obama’s strategies for alternative energy sources. Then when the antediluvian putty glob™ stutters and stumbles around and grumbles and has got nothin’ but attacks on whatever Obama presents, all Obama’s got to do is ask him what HIS plans are.
Also, I’m not so into the whole spite thing. It’s just never a good idea to use a negative point as your springboard. The “more flies with honey than vinegar” route can be astoundingly successful. The other way is a slope that just gets more slippery.
“…they become bitter old men who consider the present beneath them. ”
Excellent point, Alec. Everything new becomes a wrong-headed or willfully perverse and unnecessary variation on what’s “real” and “proven.”
Computers are migrating into cell phones the size of a deck of cards. McGramps has never used one and thinks he can lead the U.S. into the second decade of the 21st century.
Meanwhile, he says, “I know how to win wars.” And he does: the Peloponnesian, Crimean, Cola…
The Republicans have been dissing Democrats’ patriotism back to the post-WWII period… after all “who lost China”; who let the Soviets take the Eastern block countries, etc. etc. etc.
Sorta kinda, although it’s become much more common to think that now that the Republicans won the PR war. You will notice that, in general, we fought anti-Communist wars under Democrats and tied them up in a neat, often unsatisfactory, little bow under Republicans – that isn’t exactly an accident. The GOP was as ambivalent about super-Stalin and Khrushchev and Mao as they were about Hitler – it’s just that they learned to bark big on them, make big tough poses and pretend to be doughty.
Eisenhower and Nixon could be nasty enough, but they had souls. (Ford, on the other hand, wasn’t even human.) Reagan later became the Platonic ideal of the Republican anti-Communist – shrinking in terror in front of any Soviet-backed force with enough strength to flatten a souffle, then flooding Grenada in troops and medals; raising a private army to support anti-American death squads (they had shot US journalists, gang-raped and slaughtered nuns, all kinds of nasty shit – the anti-Contra laws weren’t just political theater) with funding from arms sales to an intractible enemy of the United States.
Reagan’s big-dog squirty bullshit (which the media also established a trend in lapping up gratefully as if it were fine champagne) did an inexplicably effective job of covering up that he was, like any other crass gangster capitalist, an inveterate coward – their idea of a fair fight is a squadron of tanks against a kid with a rock, and when it looks dicier than that they inevitably start pissing themselves and looking for an out. If Reagan’s nuclear bumfuckery had anything to do with ending the Cold War, it was only because the people who profited from the building and maintenance of nuclear weapons had their hands up his ass – and as such, was the sort of malignant accident we had where New York City lost funding to North Dakota’s largest skating rink. Everyone acted in the worst of intentions and things escalated completely out of control.
So yeah – the Republicans have been dissing Democrats ‘patriotism’, but only in that they like to pretend that what they are is what makes you patriotic. The Republicans, all the way back to Teddy Roosevelt, have had a bestial, puerile version of glory in their heads – one where you destroy a helpless enemy in a great blaze of glory and are showered with riches and affection. They have never fought a hard fight except completely against their will – swap militarily even one of the better Republicans with one of the worse Democrats (Hoover with Carter, say) and the former would fold like a cheap suit under the pressure.
I know this — if I’m going to sue someone I will first recommend the services of Mr. Assrocket Lawyer to them.
Does this mean that unless Obama says “I demean McCain’s military service” then he’s not demeaning McCain’s military service?
Okay, so it’s a stupid question.
Wisdom from the fridge-magnet-poetry school of journalism:
Totally accurate – & what it’s worth is doodley-squat.
Does this mean that unless Obama says “I demean McCain’s military service” then he’s not demeaning McCain’s military service?
I think he’d have to say “I hereby demean McCain’s military service.” Those lawyers like to have everything worded just so.
MYTH: John McCain earned the so-called “reverse ace” for killing American pilots in “friendly-fire” incidents.
FACT: There is no such award or title bestowed for friendly fire. John McCain’s “reverse ace” refers to his role in the destruction of five US military aircraft (cf “ace”, a pilot who has destroyed five or more enemy aircraft). US military culture, though often coarse, is not so tasteless as to facetiously give awards for causing the deaths of US servicemen such as those on McCain’s aircraft carrier.
MYTH: John McCain failed out of the US Naval Academy.
FACT: John McCain graduated from the Academy, out-achieving five other graduating students as well as all of those who were dismissed for academic reasons. In fact, his academic performance made him 893rd runner-up for Valedictorian.
MYTH: John McCain attacked Seminole Indians in Spanish Florida.
FACT: The Seminoles have European and African ancestry, as well as Native American. Also that was Andrew Jackson.
MYTH: John McCain is so old that when he was born his Social Security number was 5.
FACT: John McCain was born before Social Security Numbers were issued. Sources close to the Senator’s campaign report that he has a “regular”, 9-digit SSN but have been reluctant to circulate images of his Social Security Card, citing “serious concerns” about identity thieves and kerners.
Would it interrupt a serious roll to tell you you’re on a roll?
MYTH: John McCain was involved with a scandal during the Lincoln Administration.
FACT: John McCain was not even born until well after the Lincoln Administration. The scandal involved the Lincoln Savings and Loan Association, whose chairman Charles Keating made financial contributions to senators (including McCain) involved in ongoing investigation of Lincoln Savings.
MYTH: McCain had sex with a lobbyist.
FACT: There is no proof of this, and nobody really wants to spend time imagining that. God. Ew. No. McCain has received $181,000 in contributions from lobbyists, along with things like sponsored trips and fund raising, but no sexual intercourse.
MYTH: John McCain is not actually a human, but rather an alien pretending to be a human, and is thus ineligible to be elected President.
FACT: The only evidence for this outrageous claim appears to be Senator McCain’s inability to smile like a human, as famously demonstrated in [link: every speech he has delivered]. That he is a “space creature bent on enslaving and devouring humans” is a preposterous conclusion; his history as a normal Earth human is well-established. The disturbing rictus he uses as a smile merely demonstrates that he is insane, or lying, or possibly both, which in any case would not disqualify him from being President.
Bravo, sir!
NOTE: I earlier implied that John McCain
The investigation of the Forrestal fire does not establish that Lieutenant Commander McCain was in any way at fault for that awful conflagration.
Shh! He’s on a roll.
I think he’d have to say “I hereby demean McCain’s military service.”
He should also provide a brief explanation of the theory of speech action, and demonstrate to the journalists that his illocutionary act was a felicitous utterance.
MYTH: Reporters who visit John McCain to eat barbecue and socialize often skew their reporting of him in a favorable manner.
FACT: Since Senator McCain grills with gas, the results cannot reasonably be called barbecue.
Can’t you see that man is a ni- ?
How dare you call me a racist? I didn’t say the word!
I think he’d have to say “I hereby demean McCain’s military service.”
But does he also denigrate it, and ummm deride it – yeah.
Well Mr. Senator Hussein X – do you denigrate and deride McCain’s military service?
So if I say the woman who gave birth to Hindrocket consorts with farm animals I haven’t insulted his mother?
No, but the farm animals would like to have a word with you.