Highway to hell

Editors’ note: Our friend Chuck has been terminated. (See the first comment.)

Hell of sexual pleasures that is:

John Hostettler, the Congressman representing the 8th district of Indiana, has been convinced by local religious groups to introduce legislation in the House that would change the name of an Interstate 69 extension to a more moral sounding number.

There are plans to extend the interstate from Indianapolis through southwestern Indiana all the way through Texas into Mexico in the coming years. While most believe this highway will be good for the state’s economy, religious conservatives believe “I-69” sounds too risqu? and want to change the interstate’s number.

Hostettler, a proponent of the interstate extension, agrees. “Every time I have been out in the public with an ‘I-69’ button on my lapel, teenagers point and snicker at it. I have had many ask me if they can have my button. I believe it is time to change the name of the highway. It is the moral thing to do.” [Emphasis added, lack of sex life in the original.]

Got any suggestions for the highway? Leave them in the comments, and we promise to send them to Congressman Hustler Hostettler.

Thanks to Chuck for the link.

PS: This guy (not Chuck, the Congressman guy) wears highway buttons???


Comments: 19


You know this was a hoax right?


I’ve said this before. The wackos are killing parody and satire. No one can tell anymore.

Since I’m not reality-based, I’m going to spread this story as if it were true. It can’t be any stupider than creationism.


I will pay ten bucks (American money, so it’s maybe three Euros by now) for one of those highway buttons.


What about renaming it “Hershey Highway”? It might not have much to do with Pennsylvania, but it seems a much friendlier name than I-69.


I’m hoping it won’t change. I want to always know that, if I need to get to Climax (Mich.), I should always start out with 69.


What about our local highway 666? No kidding. Ohio, Muskingum County. The buckle of the Bible Belt in this area….


I think they’re missing the real threat.



What?s the real threat about I-81?

And if Hofstetter is so concerned about the route-numbering guidelines, has he ever objected to PA?s I-99, the most egregious violation of all? (It basically exists as a testament to Bud Shuster?s pork-grubbing skills, and with that number should be along the Atlantic Coast, not tucked in the Alleghenies).


Worse yet, BALL (STATE) U. is right on I-69!


What?s the real threat about I-81?

Because it’s just two Satan’s ascii characters away from I-8=>.

…or something. That’s all I got.


What?s the real threat about I-81?

I ate one.


I’m hoping it won’t change. I want to always know that, if I need to get to Climax (Mich.), I should always start out with 69.

Posted by Rick

That’s why Battle Creek, MI is really the city of love…It’s located between 69 & Climax


Well here in Jersey we do our free association by exit numbers (as seen on a recent “Daily Show” segment on the battle among the South Jersey magazines). And, yes, for the existentially inclined, there is an Exit Zero.


I-69 goes right past French Lick … really!


I’m taking I-69 to French Lick the first chance I get!


Perhaps they should cut it down to two lanes and rename is Anal Retentive Avenue.


When I was a snickering teen, the answer was to raise the number to 77, because you get 8 more. Of course, that would then be another thinly veiled endorsement of homosexuality! There’s just no way to win with that pagan numerology on the loose.


A more thinly-veiled endorsement of homosexuality than “Hershey Highway”?


Ooh ooh let’s rename it after an Indiana-born superstar: there’s no way you could confuse oral sex with Axl Rose.


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