Shorter David Frum

Above: “And then Comedy Central took on
a new form — that of a giant Slor!”


  • Sure, my conservative pundit friends and I may make the occasional honest mistake, but that’s nothing compared to these lying comedians with their dishonest “jokes” and so-called “humor.”

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Seb adds: If you’re going to complain, as Frum does, about the practice of making up quotes:

But even on “fake news,” I think it is improper to represent faked clips as if they were real.

Then you might want to consider not running the ad below right on the same page:


Comments: 78


The man knows his shit. “Axis of Evil” was quite a kneeslapper.


Uhhh… so Mickey Kaus does not, in actuality, blow goats?


Oh, David. Colbert done shortered your ass. Are you not aware of this tradition?


Actually, it’s “Sloar”.

“Gozer the Traveler! He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Valdranaii, the traveler came as a large and moving Torr! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the Meketrex supplicants they chose a new form for him – THAT OF A GIANT SLOAR! Many shubs and zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Sloar that day, I can tell you!”

But yeah, those eyebrows are perfect.


Poor David is not aware of all internet traditions. Gets pwned by Colbert and then publicly whines about it. Can’t wait to see the response that gets him. 😎


Ooops! I’ll fix it. Hanx, Joe.


Righteous Bubba – actually it is pigs, but we changed it to protect his mother’s delicate sensibilities.


Looks like David is going to need surgery to get that stick out of his ass.

What a maple leaf maroon.


So how about this constructive suggestion: If any reader out there has the skill, time and interest to fabricate a Stephen Colbert quotation – let me know. We’ll host it at NRO or put it up on YouTube. Fairness, shmairness. Copyright, shmopyright. The only thing that matters is humor – isn’t that right, Comedy Central?

Oh, please please please…

Please take some Stephen Colbert quotes and mix them up trying to be funny. Hey, give Dennis Miller the gig, I hear he could use the work.


So how about this constructive suggestion: If any reader out there has the skill, time and interest to fabricate a Stephen Colbert quotation – let me know. We’ll host it at NRO or put it up on YouTube.

Yeah. That’ll show him. That’ll SOOO humiliate that scoundrel Colbert. He’ll never live it down.


Nothing sadder than a bitter dweeb.


a bit off topic, but this is the best example of another internet tradition of which i’m aware.


I sent the link to Frum’s post to Comedy Central. Can’t hurt, I say.


If any reader out there has the skill, time and interest to fabricate a Stephen Colbert quotation – let me know.

Yeesh, wingnuts can’t do anything themselves, can they? Write me a joke! Research my smiley-Hitler book! Fight in my war! Waaaah!


Of course, Stephen has already done a segment in which he provided a bunch of embarrassing sound bites for angry viewers to splice together, but why spoil Mr. Frum’s momentum when he’s got a good head of douchey steam going?


Email to Frum:

Subject: You can’t be serious, can you?


That is among the stupidest things I’ve ever read, and given the state of the conservative movement these days, that’s saying something. Presumably you think a President who can’t use Teh Google and has flip-flopped on about a trillion different issues is compelling, CIC material. You’re an embarrassment to sane people everywhere. Congratulations.

You can make fun of Stewart and Colbert all you want, in fact, I encourage you do more of it. McCain needs young voters.

The Colbert speech at the correspondents’ dinner to which you refer is legend among all normal people. It perfectly illustrated how bad people like you are in the bag, even your “liberal” cocktail-weenie pals. Why wasn’t Colbert invited back? A little too close to the bone for you and your friends, towering over us little people?

What can one expect from a Limbaugh hack, I guess.

You know what? I’m not even a Democrat, because they’ll screw it up sooner or later, too. Living in IL, I’ll have the luxury of voting for the moron Barr if it doesn’t seem close. I just wish you rich people had a clue once in a while. It doesn’t seem so much to ask. And I’ll stipulate that prostitution is a very lucrative business, if you would just come out in favor of legalizing it.


John Onorato
Mundelein, IL

There were links to McCain’s flip-flops and stupidity embedded, but I gotta go to bed.

Keep up the good work, everyone.


Oh the outrage!!! The nerve of it!!! lol
“A few days ago, Colbert scoffed at my friend David Brooks for referring to the “salad bar” at Applebee’s – when Applebee’s doesn’t feature salad bars. An error – how ridiculous!”
Odd huh? How Brooks is a the dean and yet the voice of the little guy and doesn’t know that Applebee’s doesn’t feature a salad bar?
It is as if Brooks had never been in one?? As if these lazy elite douches couldn’t be bothered to do research like eating with us filthy peasants the thought was just unthinkable for these turd-pops.


Maybe it’s a NRO policy. “Don’t wast company resources if you can get our readers to do it for us.” Next you know you’ll see a plea: “Say, does anyone out there know Quark or InDesign? Anyone, please?”

Gary Ruppert Number Two

Above: “And then Comedy Central took on a new form — that of a giant Slor!”

That’s one of the funniest S,N! photo captions since “Yull nevah prove nuthin, ya freakin muzzie camel humpah!”

Just Alison, without Qetesh

But even on “fake news,” I think it is improper to represent faked clips as if they were real.

It’s okay on ‘real’ news, though – my friends at Faux News do it all the time.


“If any reader out there has the skill, … ”

Ohhhh, and they fail right out of the gate.

Silly, Frum, setting the bar so impossibly high.


i love the david brooks defense frum has. The daily show hits brooks on his out-of-touch attack on Obama, and it completely goes over Frum’s head. Pretty pathetic


But even on “fake news,” I think it is improper to represent faked clips as if they were real.

Unlike the perfectly proper editing of John McCain’s responses just to get them to MAKE SENSE.


I believe the proper Shorter for this Frumage would be:



Gee, it would be hard to find anyone with the skill, time and interest to fabricate a Stephen Colbert quotation considering how well he protects himself against edit abuse.

Is it unfair? Hell yeah it’s unfair. In sympathy, I present this ASCII graphic:


There’s the world’s tiniest violin, playing the world’s saddest song, just for David Frum.


WordPress can eat it.


That Applebees salad bar anecdote was a perfect moment of zen for Brooks.


Culture of Trüth:

Brooks: it’s all about governing he should choose Sam Nunn

Kay: have you ever once left the Beltway?

Brooks: i did once it was a horrible experience i was served a steak that was not medium-medium rare


To be fair, that’s a pretty big misquotation there. I looked at the clip, and it’s not obviously spliced. There’s no fade to white like usual, and the viewer is given no indication that what he is seeing is fabricated. There’s generally the expectation that clips from news shows aren’t edited free of their original content, and in this case, Frum was made to have appeared to have said, to all but the most knowledgeable viewers, something he did not.

It’s certainly a subtle point — comedy shows are “allowed” to completely misrepresent things, but only when this misrepresentation is specifically expected, when context is provided to allow the viewer to sift out what is true and what isn’t. Often the expectation is that none of it is true, but that is not the expectation in Colbert’s show, which generally provides a satirically conservative commentary on real news. The joke is in the satire, not in the presentation of the news. So to see that splice, dressed up as real news, is a bit disturbing, especially for a show I respect so much.


Frum, Brooks and Gerson. The Axis of Dildos.



You have a point there, Mauro.

Counterpoint: Fuck Frum. That worthless pile of shit can just fuck off and die.


The idea of an NRO vs TDS and Colbert Nation throw down gives me a chubby.
please, please, please.
Colbert can call in David Cross to DH v Jonah.
Amy Poehler or Amy Sedaris can have J-Lo.


Colbert characterizes Frum as saying about McCain, “McCain is old and nobody likes him. That’s an exciting story.”

Frum responds by quoting from the CNN transcript to show that Colbert’s characterization of him is wrong.

From the transcript, then:

FRUM: There’s no question [Obama’s] benefiting from enormously favorable publicity… [The media] are very excited about the prospect of the first African-American candidate, serious candidate for president…

…Here you have one of the — the oldest man ever to run for president, winning his party’s nomination against the odds through sheer hard work and tenacity, and getting up earlier and campaigning harder than men 20 years his junior? That’s a pretty exciting story.

So, Frum agrees that (a) there is no media storm of interest over John McCain; and (b) McCain’s really old.

And his response is to say that people should see McCain is exciting, but they can’t because (1) the media all favor Democrats; (2) the media internally love affirmative action so therefore they, um, support the first African American president; and (3) they are unable to see the exciting things about the McCain campaign that I see so clearly.

So, again “McCain is old and nobody likes him. That’s an exciting story.”

It turns out, Colbert summarizes David Frum precisely and accurately. And Frum doesn’t like it. So there.


The fact is, I hope Frum sues Colbert and you for slander and bias and lieing, your attempt at humor is not funny, and very biased besides. You want teh terrorists to win.


The fReichtards’ geliophobia is the funniest thing about them.

We’ll host it at NRO or put it up on YouTube. Fairness, shmairness.* Copyright, shmopyright.* The only thing that matters is humor – isn’t that right, Comedy Central?

And if CC’s lawyers come after Brave Sir David he’ll piss his pants blame the reader who sent the clip.

*This is the height of fRightwing humor. Sad, no?


Frum, frum, frum, the jerks are marching …

Dragon-King Wangchuck

OMG! Don’t you just hate it when Fake News takes a section of your quote so they can totally change the context and blow it out of proportion?


Shorter HTML Mencken:

“When libruls bring Teh Funny™ by lying about wingnutz, it’s okelie-dokelie-doodlie! When wingers do it to us, not so much.”

Shorter Sadlyno Commenters:

“HTML 4TW!!!111! ZOMG, h3 i5 teh aw3som3!!!!!one”


I think this is the internet tradition of taking little Davie’s BAAAAAAWWWWW!!


When wingers do it to us, not so much

But wingers aren’t funny. Not intentionally, anyways. The folks who think Michelle Obama is “anti-whitey” with no evidence whatsoever? They are a flippin’ scream, yet they never understand my bellylaughs.


Shorter neener:

“My grip on this ‘reality’ you speak of is, ehhh, not so good.”

Prudence Goodwife

Shorter Neener-
When comedians do comedy it’s funny, when political commentators whine about being the butt of the funny it’s unfair for you to think that’s funny.


Comedians, on this occasion, didn’t lie about wingnuts. Frum said that McCain was old and that no one was much interested in his candidacies. He went on to say that McCain ought to be an exciting candidate. But not a thing Colbert said was disputed.

None of which makes up for the media’s round the clock ass-kissing of John McCain for the last decade or so, or their encouraging of him to say any unaccountable, self-contradictory bullsh*t while they brag of being invited to one of McCain’s 8 mansions for barbecue and sing of what an awesome “dry rub” McCain does.


FYI Nix, Brooks isn’t the “Dean.” That’s Dave Broder. He and Cohen are two of the main dinosaurs in the Jurassic Park that makes up the so-called “liberal” media.


Seb adds

Now that was mean.


There’s a story – it’s funny, but it’s a true story – about the appearance of an avant-garde theater company at Yale in the late 1960s. At the end of the performance, the actors stripped off all their clothes and danced out of the theater onto the street. They were arrested for public lewdness. While the theater director arranged bail, his wife raced around New Haven collecting blankets to keep the actors warm. The actors were released the following morning. The director’s wife tried to retrieve the blankets for her friends – but the actors refused to hand them over. “Property is theft,” one said. She answered: “Yes, but theft is theft too.”


Can anyone, anyone at all, explain to me what’s supposed to be remotely funny about that?


Can anyone, anyone at all, explain to me what’s supposed to be remotely funny about that?

Hey, I’m just taken with the idea that something can be funny but true.

Gary Ruppert Number Two

“When libruls bring Teh Funny™ by lying about wingnutz, it’s okelie-dokelie-doodlie! When wingers do it to us, not so much.”

And the theory gets one more confirming experiment under its belt; conservatives can’t be funny even when aping what they think is supposed to be funny.

And the Simpsons nod is very 16 years ago. And Jonah Goldberg would no doubt find it hilarious.


I just wanna hang out with all the naked actors…



A few days ago, Colbert scoffed at my friend David Brooks for referring to the “salad bar” at Applebee’s – when Applebee’s doesn’t feature salad bars. An error – how ridiculous! But conscious fabrication? I guess that’s OK, so long as it’s done in the sacred name of comedy.

Ok, so writing about the salad bar at Applebee’s as if you’ve been to Applebee’s, seen the salad bar, and perhaps even eaten from it when you clearly have done none of the preceeding is NOT a “conscious fabrication” but rather merely “an error”?

Maybe English words have different definitions in Canada than they do here. Where I come from, that little snippet of Brooks’ writing is what is known as “fiction”…which is defined as “conscious fabrication”.


The fact is, liberals like to nitpick at details like “salad bar” to “show” that “they” are more in touch with the regular folks and to “prove” that conservative commentators “are”, when it is still just an error. On the whole, conservatives consistently are the stuggle of freedom against liberals, which is opression by cultural and economics eleites.


Now that David Frum has publicly complained about being laughed at, I’m sure no one will ever make fun of him again.


You’re a cheerleader and apologist for bigots and warmongers, Frum.

You should count yourself lucky he didn’t “deconstruct” any of your other fluff pieces.


The most ridiculous thing about the David Brooks Applebee’s salad bar nonsense is not that Applebee’s don’t have salad bars. It’s that the point Brooks was trying to make would be that “Obama’s problem is he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who could go into an Applebee’s salad bar, and people think he fits in naturally there” AS IF THERE’S SOME SORT OF CULTURAL MODEL ACCORDING TO WHICH SOME PEOPLE ARE SMOOTH, COOL, ALL NATURAL ‘TYPES’ AT A F***ING CHAIN RESTAURANT SALAD BAR.

As if in opposition to Barack Obama’s hoity-toity la-di-da ay-leetizm, there’s a crouton pack of would-be Frank Sinatras kicking back in some suburban franchise salad bar somewhere while the girls just all swoon at how cool and rad their use of the plate stack and the dressing spoons are.

“Oh, yeah, man, just check those guys out at the salad bar! Now those guys know how to work one of those! Man, gosh, I wish I could just be half as hip as they are when they’re sprinkling on the shredded carrots!”

Is this some sort of thing which happens in some impossibly large Florida retirement community, within which the signs of cool are reduced to salad bar behavior?


Once again Frum illustrates why he majored in Twisted Logic at one of them-there librul Ivy League Schools.


remember Stephen Colbert’s preachy appearance at the White House correspondents dinner.

No wonder these guys are so fucked up, their preachers mercilessly mock them every Sunday.


There is no David there is only Zuul


It’s also funny that Brooks thinks Applebees is so cheap that all these “less educated” and “downscale” – wtf? – happy proles are in there salad-barring it up on the odd Saturday night. Hell, I can’t afford to eat at Applebees. Perkins is stretching the ol’ budget for us at this juncture. Applebee’s gets the suburban types who can aford to throw away $60 on a meal. People like Brooks and Broder and Cohen don’t have a fucking clue about life in the “middle America” they claim to speak for, where when the kid says “Mom can we stop at McDonald’s?” and you tell him, “No, hon, I don’t get my financial aid refund until September, so if we can’t buy it with food stamps, we can’t afford it”* Hell, us ordinary folks are used to and expect the people running for Preznit to have a somewhat higher standard of living than we do. Fuck Brooks and the horse he rode in on. Brooks don’t fuck the goat, the goat fucks him!**

*Actual Heartland(TM) conversation held yesterday afternoon.

**I don’t know what this means, but it felt right.


“afford” not “aford”. (I could only afford one “f”, but I borrowed some from a neighbor to fix the error.)


Hell, I can’t afford to eat at Applebees.

I’ve never eaten at an Applebees, but according to people who have, it would just be a waste of your money. The food is awful (and the portions are small)! My dining-out experiences are largely relegated to lunch, since getting decent food for dinner (something that doesn’t come from a drive-thru window) is prohibitively expensive. And even then, the food is crap from a nutritional standpoint – even restaurants which are a few steps up from the burger-n-fries variety only serve the rare vegetable, the food all comes through the industrial food-supply chain, etc.


img alt=”Renfrew had forgotten what the sun was like.”



I eat lunch at applebees maybe twice a month. Decent sammiches and burgers, good salads (giant mf’rs) Fat Tire on draft. The onion rings are weird and the ranch dressing has an odd tang to it, but once you learn what to avoid it’s fine….



Y’know where the food is notably crappy?

They just opened up a Hooters in Campbell. Natch, I had to give it a go.

GREAT scenery, but other than the wings (which are pretty good) the food is crap city…



Fat Tire on draft

That right there is reason to go.


I’ve eaten at Applebee’s in the past, just can’t afford it now. I had excellent cheesecake and (IIRC) an edible piece of salmon on one occasion, and on another I just ordered the nachos off the appetizer menu for lunch. Way more food than I could eat and pretty good to boot, but probably not the most nutritious and of course the salsa in places like that is always wimpy.

But I like all that greasy American stuff. I’m off meat because living in a state with a lot of factory farms has made me aware of what a terrible idea it is unless you buy organic and free-range. I can’t say I don’t enjoy a huge pile of scrambled eggs with cheese and fried hashbrowns and a big ol’ stack of pancakes with half a pitcher of maple syrup on it. I’d eat breakfast at Perkin’s every damn day if I could afford it and if it wouldn’t mess with my (ahem) girlish figger. 😉 Oh, and if it wouldn’t cause me to clutch my chest and die.


It is one of mikeys five basic rules for living that fear of death is usually a crappy reason to avoid something. As is fear of the afterlife…


Hemlock for Gadflies

Dear Mr. and/or Ms. HTML Mencken:

Please stop being so freaking funny! The caption you have affixed to the photograph above has caused a catastrophic nasal-coffee explosive reflux to foul my keyboard.

Thank you for listening.


I just wanna hang out with all the naked actors…

Get a roomful of cats, set off the fire sprinkler. Should produce the same effect.

Gary Ruppert Number Two

The fact is, HTML Mencken promised a monumental take-down of David Frum like almost a year ago, a la the ones on Godlstein and Lowry. It has never appeared, the lazy bastard.


First time I ever read a Frum column from beginning to end.
Sure is a wacky, witty guy, eh?
But once is enough.


Frum’s name is a typo – they left off the “P” at the end.

There is one right-wing joke that just never gets old for me, & I’ll gladly bring it up yet again:

A solid hit – with the guy who sold them their laff-track.

Stewart handed Crossfire its own ass in no small part by pointing out that they were equating his show – made-up schtick – with their own supposedly intelligent & SERIOUS program. One can only dream that this cowpie of a non-argument can do for NR what it did for Crossfire. When a false analogy is your trump-card, you know you’re terminally boned.

Yes, the blow-harding and bias and herd mentality of the rest of the cable media are pretty bad. But outright deception?

Let’s see … Swift Boats For Truth … Nigerian yellowcake … WMDs … Mission Accomplished … Jessica Lynch, a little lady with a big gun … Valerie Plame, not a covert agent … McCain the Maverick … & if you want to classify omission as a form of deception, let’s throw in Mike German & Sybil Edmonds for fun. Those are just off the top of my head: give me an hour or two & I can cite literally hundreds more, just as easily fact-checked & just as loathsome. Not mere herd-mentality, not simple bias – but the merry willingness to only put down the proverbial shit-shovel in order to upgrade to one with a deeper bucket.

Retractions are sporadic & left until the last possible moment – & never ever come with a pink-slip. I work on an industrial site, & if I screwed up the way the media does, someone could get dead very fast. Unfortunately, sometimes this is also true when THEY do it.

I blame the Porn Dragons

I think it is teh Porn Dragons what is poysoning peeples minds, I do’s. That maykes thay all funy and thayz larf at me and I dun’t unnerstan. I gots to shoots me laynmower then.

Northern Observer

El Cid said,July 27, 2008 at 17:59

Mr Cid you are a genius of observation. Keep up the good work.
I laughed for 5 minutes straight imaging the kewl kids at the salad bar.



He was much funnier when he was on Kids in the Hall.


He *does* look like Scott Thompson. Huh.

Now I’m picturing him doing a Buddy Cole monologue.

Oh, well… live and learn. You know, it’s hard for a faggot to take risks nowadays, but you’ve got to try! For example: you know that feeling you get when you don’t know whether it’s going to be a shit or a fart, but you let ‘er rip anyways?


>Shorter David Frum
There may be people shorter than Frum, but none smaller.


dr. do you feel good not dr feel good from motley crue


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