Cheating Boston Cheaters Cheated Their Cheating Way To World Cheat-manship

This just in, Red Sox fans. Manny and Big ‘Skin’ Papi (Big, Bigger, Biggest Papi?) tested positive for performance enhancing drugs in 2003. Tainted championships. Bury your heads in shame, etc.

 

Comments: 315

 
 
 

I think we should just assume that all professional baseball players use steroids, and include their pharmacists in the box scores.

 
 

I think we should just assume that all professional baseball players use steroids

That’s just it. There’s nary a sports fan in the world who can point the finger at another team, simply because the odds are that someone on your favorite team–be it baseball or football–has done the same damn thing.

I exempted basketball only because their drug of choice seems to be pot, which I would doubt is much of a performance enhancer.

 
 

yeah, D. aren’t you from San Francisco?

You guys juiced and STILL didn’t win. Suck it.

 
 

Word, Jay. Barry Bonds juiced like crazy, but still couldn’t get a ring.

Boston’s steroid users were twice better than the rest of the league’s steroid users.

 
 

wow….2003. didn’t the sox win in 2004? and then again in 2007. too bad they aren’t even going to make the playoffs this year…gawd the suxors really bad.

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

I think I, a Yankees fan (sort of), shan’t mention this to my wife the Red Sox fan.

 
 

I’m just glad that I’m a Mets fan. We only buy players, not the AMA.

 
 

Face it, there is no reason for any substance to be banned from use. There is no honor in this form of entertainment, and if athletes have found compounds and substances that make the bigger, stronger and faster, let them go ahead and use.

This silly notion that lifting weights, strict diets and heavy workouts are the only way to improve your body and your skills is just that — silly. If these guys wanna juice let them go right ahead and juice.

 
 

You guys juiced and STILL didn’t win. Suck it.

Asterisks for the Sox championships? Inquiring and very disappointed Bob Costases want to know …

 
 

Neener.

 
 

I’m just glad that I’m a Mets fan. We only buy huge fucking headaches.

Like the one they’ve given me all summer.

 
 

Speaking as a Cubs fan, I would take any kind of a championship, pure or tainted.

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

I’m surprised that no one’s told Shackleford to go fuck himself (sort of).

 
 

Big Papi has literally destroyed childhood.

 
 

Like the one they’ve given me all summer.

hey, four straight and Santana’s poised to make it five.

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

I’m surprised that no one’s told Shackleford to go fuck himself (sort of).

They have, many times.

Oh – you mean in this thread.

 
 

I think I, a Yankees fan (sort of)

*shaking head*

Oh, Rusty…

 
 

Is it football season yet?

 
 

I live in Milwaukee. We have the Brewers.

Thus, I wouldn’t call myself a fan. It has, in fact been at least two years since I attended a game, even for the tailgating.

But our publicly-funded stadium that made Selig richer has a movable roof, by gawd!!

 
 

You know, there’s a great white sale at Bloomie’s…

 
 

Is it football season yet?

Football had better hope no one starts looking around at their drug problem.

While baseball likely has more than half of its players juicing, football has, uh, ALL its players juicing. When you’ve got punters getting busted for ‘roids, you know your sport has a problem.

 
 

When they re-do the blood tests, I wonder who will be the real winner at Waterloo?

 
 

I think we should make Bush the Commissioner of baseball.

 
 

You know, there’s a great white sale at Bloomie’s…

And a great bloomers sale at White’s…

 
 

Speaking as a Cubs fan, I would take any kind of a championship, pure or tainted.

Don’t feel bad. Anyone can have a bad century.

 
 

Speaking as a Cubs fan, I would take any kind of a championship, pure or tainted.

Don’t feel bad. Anyone can have a bad century.

Cubs fans are proof that God exists.

And he’s fucking warped.

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

Anyways – Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz tested positive for steroids?!?! I am shocked. Shocked, I say.

 
 

This will only increase the video tributes to Brady, you know.

 
 

If there are 103 players on the list, there were probably players from every single even vaguely competitive team on it. It’s going to be more a matter of who wasn’t juicing back then, really. Random backup shortstops in Kansas City, maybe.

 
 

Asa Reds fan I have just two words: Ed Armbrister!

 
 

This will only increase the video tributes to Brady, you know.

And how.

 
 

“But our publicly-funded stadium that made Selig richer has a movable roof, by gawd!!”

Hey, that’s just like Seattle! Y’know, Seattle, the place you stole your team from?

Anyway, Boston rules so long as the Dropkick Murphys call it home.

 
 

this is good news for John McCain

 
 

Random backup shortstops in Kansas City, maybe.

Like Raphael “Uno Huevo” Martinez?

 
 

Anyways – Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz tested positive for steroids?!?! I am shocked. Shocked, I say.

Yeah but no one in the Tour de France tested positive this year, so really, I am a little shocked.

 
 

The fact is, Al Davis is a brilliant owner/general manager whose superior leadership will certainly… aw, fuck it. I just can’t. Not even with Fake Gary’s dick.

 
 

Anyway, Boston rules so long as the Dropkick Murphys call it home.

Little-known fact: lead singer’s missing wooden leg both corked and lousy with pine tar.

 
 

Seattle, the place you stole your team from?

Only after Atlanta stole ours.

Like I care. 400 million dollar parking lot. Hmpf.

 
Knights in White Satin
 

But was the opponent team tested as well? If both teams used drugs, then the contest was more equal. If not, then the Boston guys were dirty cheaters.

 
 

But was the opponent team tested as well

A-Rod, Sheffield, Giambi = All juicers.

And I would not be shocked if we learned from the Cards that Pujols and Jim Edmonds were on that list.

 
 

I’m sure Aaron Boone was totally not on steroids (like brother Brett wasn’t), and the Yankees only had Jason Giambi, so I think you’re OK to rain on your wife’s parade regarding the 2003 Red Sox’ steroids problem. Or something.

Stones, glass houses, suck it, etc.

 
 

When they re-do the blood tests, I wonder who will be the real winner at Waterloo?

Obama.

 
 

Someone could make a mint starting a league that had no substance or equipment regulations whatsoever, kinda the the UFC is to boxing. Might as well, right?

‘Roid League 4-EVA!

 
 

the Yankees only had Jason Giambi

And Clemens. And Mrs. Clemens.

 
 

Pere Ubu said,
July 30, 2009 at 20:28

Those wacky Zambian kids and their getting high from fermented POOP! What will they think of next?

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

And Clemens. And Mrs. Clemens.

Give the guy a break, he had no idea what was being shoved in his ass.

 
 

POOP.

I like the doctor’s name in that article – Dr. Fumito Ichinose.

 
 

I’m just glad that I’m a Mets fan. We only buy huge fucking headaches.

Your boys have been doing OK against my Rockies this week. Making us look like a bunch of bus-leaguers. Actually we’ve been doing that to ourselves. Sheesh.

 
 

Oops, forgot to re-nym. The Rockies are my team, much as I hate to admit.

 
 

Baseaballl been berry berry gud to me.

 
RUGGED IN MONTANA
 

I TESTED POSITIVE FOR BRANDY ALEXANDERS, WHICH RUINED MY CHANCES FOR A CAREER IN PROFESSIONAL BASEBALL!!!

 
 

I want my sports teams populated with freakish monsters. Mutant or non-mutant makes no difference to me.

 
 

Brad said, July 30, 2009 at 20:39

But was the opponent team tested as well

A-Rod, Sheffield, Giambi = All juicers.

Brad, your Yankee-rage is showing. I don’t believe the Red Sox played them in either series.

Were you mentally painting Jeter’s face on every Cardinal player in the 2004 World Series?

 
 

the Yankees only had Jason Giambi

And Clemens. And Mrs. Clemens.

And Pettite. Who only took it once. And Clinton didn’t inhale.

 
 

I TESTED POSITIVE FOR BRANDY ALEXANDERS,

Not a very rugged drink, Rugged.

 
 

I think I, a Yankees fan (sort of)

*shaking head*

Oh, Rusty…

Admitting it is the first step towards getting help.

 
 

I want my sports teams populated with freakish monsters

You must be a Raiders Fan
..

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

your Yankee-rage is showing

No, that’s just objectivity. Fuck you Yankees.

You know what? Fuck you Red Sox too. I’ve been watching bupkes MLB for years. With the exception of the Tampa Bay’s magical season last year, AL East has been Yankees-Red Sox or Red Sox-Yankees since forever.

Then again, my city has gotten pretty used to missing the play-offs.

 
 

I TESTED POSITIVE FOR BRANDY ALEXANDERS,

Not a very rugged drink, Rugged.

What makes you think it’s a drink? Don’t ask, don’t tell…

 
 

Put that up your cornhole, Peter Gammons and the Red Sox Nation. Please release your stupid-ass grip on ESPN post-haste.

 
 

This silly notion that lifting weights, strict diets and heavy workouts are the only way to improve your body and your skills is just that — silly. If these guys wanna juice let them go right ahead and juice.

Ah, but the way many PEDs work is to allow for longer, more frequent, more efficient workouts–that’s the whole idea behind anabolic steroids. These drugs are not “talent-in-pill.” You could load me up with whatever Manny was taking and I still couldn’t see, let alone hit, an MLB fastball. Maybe the best outcome would be the death of the “shortcut” meme–most of the guys on the stuff were busting their asses and this was just the next logical step.

 
 

What makes you think it’s a drink?

Yah, MLB, hell. It must have totally sunk any Senatorial hopes.

Then again—

 
 

Since baseball is only for George Will and other wussies, I supply the following correction:

Please release your stupid-ass grip stupid ass-grip.

 
Not Looch who is never to return
 

Ah, Big Papi. Juicer. It might explain his rather anemic numbers this year. The dude is not the deadly threat he once was, and the at-bats I have seen convince me he is nowhere near what he once was. 89 m.p.h. fastballs, middle up, and he can’t catch up to them. But it’s still fun to watch Beckett pitch.

 
 

I’d put pretty good money that Big Papi’s steroid use was not nearly as prolific as his amphetamine habit.

That is the drug that really allows him to hit balls harder and faster, not so much the bulking up stuff.

 
 

So that explains Cleveland’s rotten chase for glory. There’s no juice in Cleveland, just no juice in Cleveland, USAAAAAAYyyy! Also- Fuck the Yankees. Also.

 
 

Finally, a new thread! I don’t even care if it’s about moronball, because at least it’s new.

 
 

Ya wanna compete in the bigs, kid? Here, put this in your milk, and take three of these, twice a day. See me after recess to get you started on the shots. Sure it’ll give you painful acne…and mood swings, going from psychotic rage to suicidal depression…and man-boobs…and your dick might fall off…and you might die before you’re forty…but hey, you can forget about competing in professional sports unless you start doing this stuff now. I don’t care if you’re only eleven–don’t you want to be like your heroes?

 
 

Someone could make a mint starting a league that had no substance or equipment regulations whatsoever, kinda the the UFC is to boxing. Might as well, right?

‘Roid League 4-EVA!

Except it might look something like this.

 
Yankee hater hater
 

In a word: Duh.

In more words, not that they will be an improvement on that single one, it doesn’t matter. The Sox figured out how to put together a team that could compete and win, and then they did. At this point, you’d have a hard time convincing me that the teams they beat weren’t doing ‘roids to some extent too. The proverbial playing field, it was level.

Having said that, it sure was funny how that Mitchell report worked out.

 
 

Cubs fans are proof that God exists.

And he’s fucking warped.

Lame, Actor. HTML Mencken would have called me a commie-Nazi child pornographer or something.

 
 

Mencken would have called me a commie-Nazi child pornographer or something.

You’re not my real father, Bitter, how many times have I tried to tell you?

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

I’m getting a sense that there aren’t many Yankees fans here.

 
Not Looch who is never to return
 

Speed, the former drug of choice among major league baseball players. I think the story is about Mickey Mantle, who after a long night of partying went berserk on a called third strike his first time up the next day. He got ejected and his teammates asked why he went mental about it.
“That’s when the greenies kicked in,” was his reply.*

* All memory-related anecdotal information is not subject to any sort of research or confirmation due to a lack of juicing.

 
 

Oh look, somebody was doing drugs. I am SO surprised. (suppressed yawn)

Baseball as a whole can suck it until Pete Rose gets into the HOF. How fucking morally inconsistent can an organization get? They shoulda got the message when God killed AB Giamatti for banning Charlie Hustle.

Juice Up and Play Ball!

 
 

HumboldtBlue said,
July 30, 2009 at 19:54

Face it, there is no reason for any substance to be banned from use. There is no honor in this form of entertainment, and if athletes have found compounds and substances that make the bigger, stronger and faster, let them go ahead and use.

Let me guess, you are a Paultard.

 
 

I’m sure you can explain why a test taken in 2003 would be relevant while tests taken in 2004-2007 are not.

If Manny and Papi had been taking steroids during those years, they would have tested positive under the testing regime implemented after the 2003 survey. And, if this had happened more than once, they would have been suspended.

Manny tested twice this Spring. That’s why he was suspended. Doing some basic math leads us to the conclusion that he didn’t test positive once between 2004-2008.

As for Papi, the anonymous report doesn’t even say what his test was positive _for_ in 2003. All we know about the 2003 tests is what has been leaked (illegally and anonymously) by various individuals. There is no way to check the validity of these leaks. We can assume that a voice in the wilderness crying “j’accuse!” is proof positive of guilt.

Or we could consider the anonymous accusations as one piece of evidence, put next to the evidence implied by all of the drug testing since 2003.

Now, if you want to claim that MLB has been burying positive test results from 2004-2007, then you could claim that the titles are “tainted”. But I’m just not seeing it.

 
 

I’m enjoying this because of some real self-righteous Boston fans who dissed Barry Bonds for being a cheater. Yeah, for the record, he never got a ring, but he did hit all those dingers and was probably the best hitter of the past 30-40 years. You have to go back to Aaron, Clemente, Mays, and Kaline to find his betters. and none of you youngsters even attempt to argue with me about this, you don’t know shit about baseball. I saw Musial and Clemente on the same day.

 
 

actor212 said,

July 30, 2009 at 21:26

I’d put pretty good money that Big Papi’s steroid use was not nearly as prolific as his amphetamine habit.

That is the drug that really allows him to hit balls harder and faster, not so much the bulking up stuff.

And that would be entirely consistent with the leaked results from 2003, the negative results from his subsequent steroid tests, and his vociferous opposition to steroid use.

 
 

I didn’t say he didn’t use them, Whispers. Which part of “not nearly as prolific” was confusing?

 
 

actor
I thought you using understatement, actor212.

 
 

And really, no need to get snarky. Just write clearly next time and don’t blame somebody else who is confused by what you write.

 
Yankee-hater hater
 

Address that taint, Sox fans!

 
Yankee-hater hater
 

no need to get snarky

Yer at the wrong blog, Whispers.

 
 

I always get a kick out of people who say that there should be no restrictions of any type on any type of drug use by athletes, because it shows just how infantile and self-centered these cellar dwelling loooosers will go to make a) an attention getting contrarian point or b) unconsciously demonstrate that they have led a shitty, unsatisfying life poisoned by low self-esteem and minimal goals that they still failed to achieve due to sloth and overall moronitude.

As a matter of first water, what these ignorant cretins fail to understand is that stuff like steroids are illegal without a legitimate prescription from a doctor for a legitimate purpose. Now I guess the dope smoking morons can raise and fly their “Dood, legalize the shit.” But unless you are a drooling hophead, there is no rational way to explain why athletes should be exempted from prescription drug laws only because some failure on a sofa can’t muster the mental energy to discern the difference between cheating and not cheating.

 
 

if ‘roids are so effective, how did guys like Stargell (195 lbs) Schmidt (190), Epstein, Reggie, etc. hit all those home runs in parks that were a lot bigger than the bandbox home run factories we have today? When some roid hound hits five into the upper deck like Wilver Dornel did, talk to me about roids adding power. These guys are padding stats in short fields with shots that would be warning track outs 25 years ago. And against the most diluted pitching in the history of the game. Pitching utterly sucks today. Bob Gibson was better in the 8th and 9th than the best closers now. And he would throw at your head, too.
Baseball is for pussies now. “Clemente would say his back would hurt and Koufax would complain about his elbow being sore, and then he would go out and throw a four hitter, and Clemente would have three of the hits”

 
 

I say the league should just take over the business. Get together a bunch doctors to mix up a special brew given to every player. Then they could concoct something that if the players try to use any other enhancement drugs, their nuts explode.

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

…Nazi child pornographer…

IIRC, that would be both one who takes images of children who are Nazis as well as children who are dressed as Nazis.

OT (and dry as hell) – via Ta-Nehisi Coates
No one at The Atlantic understands statistics.

Based on the data that emerges, it’s clear that African-American, Hispanic, and American Indian drivers are in fact being stopped more than one would expect based on their overall representation in the driving population. But the 2008 study also concludes that inferring from this that there is police bias is “problematic because [it] assume[s] that an officer knows the race of the driver before they make the stop. Very often, particularly at night, and when the vehicles are driving quickly, this is not the case.”

i.e. unless you are arguing that blacks and hispanics can’t drive – then you can infer from the above that the police are more racially biased.

All stops in the “police can’t ID driver race” category, all other things being equal, would be divided amongst driver sub-groups based on their driver population fraction.

Example: If your black/hispanic population fraction is 24%, but the fraction stopped is 26%. i.e. a 2% discrepancy. Now consider a half and half split in day-time night-time stops. In this case, 12% of the stops are “race unknown” and 14% are not, or 28% of “race known” stops are for 24% of the population i.e. a 4% discrepancy.

TLDR version – Dragon-King is boring.

 
 

Address that taint, Sox fans!

Sure thing. Come a little closer.

 
 

oh, and Willy, fuck Pete Rose. He’s not a pimple on Joe jackson’s ass.

 
 

I guess my point was that, I have no doubt that he juiced, but what was more likely contributing to his home run hitting (and Bonds, too) was the enhanced reaction time of speed.

Sorry for saying it so ambiguously.

 
 

Yer at the wrong blog, Whispers.

Yea! WTF am I apologizing for???

It’s your own fault for not reading English as a first language!

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

Apologies to Native Americans for all that genocide dropping you in my statistics argument.

 
 

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

 
 

“Yer at the wrong blog, Whispers.”

If I wanted rampant anti-Bostonism, I would be at KSK.

Until somebody addresses all the drug tests between 2004-2008, I will consider my point to have been made, and will declare myself the winner of the argument.

 
Yankee-hater hater
 

I’m not a doctor, nor do I play one on teevee, but ‘roids aren’t about just getting bigger and stronger. They can also be about recovering from workouts and injuries faster.

 
 

if ‘roids are so effective, how did guys like Stargell (195 lbs) Schmidt (190), Epstein, Reggie, etc. hit all those home runs in parks that were a lot bigger than the bandbox home run factories we have today?

When did Stargell hit 80?

As for park sizes…

The Polo Grounds were about 250 down the lines.

Ebbetts Field was 300 feet down the right field line.

Wrigley Field is hardly cavernous.

I could go on.

 
 

Until somebody addresses all the drug tests between 2004-2008, I will consider my point to have been made, and will declare myself the winner of the argument.

Indeed, it is central to your point.

Address his needle, libs!

 
Yankee-hater hater
 

Let me try again.

no need to get snarky … Yer at the wrong blog, Whispers.

Yer at the wrong blog, because this one is all about the snark. Except when it is about the PENIS also. Also.

 
 

Only after Atlanta stole ours.

Whose exactly?

 
 

“Yer at the wrong blog, because this one is all about the snark. Except when it is about the PENIS also. Also.”

Claim of excessive snark humbly withdrawn.

 
 

I would go to baseball games where all the players were on acid….

 
 

TLDR version – Dragon-King is boring.

If you supplied more details about how and whom you’re boring, it might make for a good read.

 
 

But the 2008 study also concludes that inferring from this that there is police bias is “problematic because [it] assume[s] that an officer knows the race of the driver before they make the stop. Very often, particularly at night, and when the vehicles are driving quickly, this is not the case.”

The problem isn’t a car that is already driving illegally. It’s the number of times the cop follows along behind for 5 miles and assesses the situation. A pair of eyes in the rear-view mirror says a lot. Day or night.

 
 

oh, and Willy, fuck Pete Rose.

Willie Pete Pete Rose?

 
Most of America
 

Who are these “Yankees” and “Red Sox” that the fucking media keeps shoving down our throats? Are they, like, the President and the Pope and the Beatles all rolled into one?

Whatever they are, we don’t give a shit about them.

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

owlbear1 for the non-sequitur win

 
 

I would go to baseball games where all the players were on acid.

A. No you wouldn’t.
B. Look up Dock Ellis.

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

Oh crap, it wasn’t a non-sequitur. Never mind

 
 

if ‘roids are so effective, how did guys like Stargell (195 lbs) Schmidt (190), Epstein, Reggie, etc. hit all those home runs in parks that were a lot bigger than the bandbox home run factories we have today?

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

BASE-STEALING IS THEFT

 
 

It was a valid snarl to an OT. :)~

I’ve already added my considerable baseball knowledge to the mix.

“Juice ’em all and let their vital organs figure it out!”

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

OT: Y’know, we make a lot of fun, but it really is hard to eat Cheetos without getting that orange dust all over your fingers.

 
 

2003? And e’re finding out about this now because why? And it becomes important because what, now?

 
 

latex gloves

 
 

If Manny and Papi had been taking steroids during those years, they would have tested positive under the testing regime implemented after the 2003 survey. And, if this had happened more than once, they would have been suspended.

Umm … no. The drug Manny got busted for this spring increases natural testosterone levels, which become much lower when you take roids. Abnormally low natural testosterone levels are a key indicator that you are roiding. As with Olympic sports, the technology to beat the tests always outpaces the testing regimen by a few years. This is why Bonds used the “clear” and the “cream” — they were specifically formulated by BALCO to not show up in the steroid testing regimen used by MLB at the time. Same with Marion Jones, who was also a BALCO client when Bonds was. She was looking for a steroid that would not show up in anti-doping tests.

Needless to say, if you specifically look for a steroid that will not show up in anti-doping tests, you are willfully cheating, just as much as corking a bat.

 
 

I would go to baseball games where all the players were on acid.

A. No you wouldn’t.

1. ALL the players.

B. Maybe if it was ME on acid.

 
 

D. you’re right. If it was the Brewerz, I’d probably just sit home and count the atoms in my dog.

 
 

BASE-STEALING IS THEFT

Baseball is a finite good!

 
 

Fenway is much smaller than it used to be.

 
 

I’d probably just sit home and count the atoms in my dog

Is that what kids are calling it these days.

 
 

“Random backup shortstops in Kansas City, maybe.”

Except for maybe Mike Sweeney, I don’t think KC had a roids problem. And he’s a good god-fearin’ boy, so there’s no way he … um … well, okay, maybe. Dude was big and got hurt a lot.

And I think some pitcher (Grimsley, IIRC) had tested positive, but that came out either after he left, or the test was from before he got there. Can’t remember which.

Of course, the Royals being the Royals, even if they did have players taking stuff, they were obviously doing it wrong since they still sucked sweaty donkey balls.

Oh, and fuck the Yankees.*

(*This comes from the ’77 and ’78 ALCSs, when I had my childhood dreams crushed by those NY assholes. Which is what made that Brett homerun in ’80 off Goose so, so very sweet …)

 
 

2003? And e’re finding out about this now because why? And it becomes important because what, now?

C’mon, when don’t you wanna poke someone in the eye over trivia?

 
 

They still have a major league team in Kansas City?

 
 

why is my posts not posting?

FYWP

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

Latex gloves! Brilliant! Thanks, owlbear1!1eleventy.

 
 

I would go to baseball games where all the players were on acid.

In the 1970s:

Bill Lee sprinkled pot on his cornflakes.

Mark Fidyrich talked to the ball.

Dock Ellis pitched a no-hitter on LSD.

Good times.

 
 

Actor- Stargell never hit 80. Almost nobody hit even hit 60 for 70 years. Remember, the pitchers were so good in the 1960s that .299 won the AL batting title and they lowered the mound.
The Polo Grounds was over 500 feet dead center. And Forbes Field was 450 down the power alleys. The parks were much bigger clear through the 1980; then the owners moved in the fences, and the built smaller parks. Stargell might hit 80 in PNC. Nobody would ever have hit 80 in three rivers.
Jimmy Wynn (5’9″ 170) hit 37 in the Astrodome. That’s probably better than 80 in Wrigley.
Being a bloat doesn’t produce as many home runs as weak pitching and short fields.

 
 

This is a good thing. Now Boston fans can justify the Patriots cheating by saying, “What? We cheat at everything, big deal.” Now if only the Celtics are caught for bribing the refs…

 
 

as for the Polo grounds being a bandbox:
“Left field also had an upper deck (“the short porch”) which extended out over the field (after its 1923 extension), reducing the distance from 279 feet (85 m) to about 250 feet (76 m). That meant it was technically rather difficult to hit a home run into the lower deck of the left field stands, unless it was a line drive such as Bobby Thomson’s famous home run — “the Shot Heard ‘Round the World” — in 1951.
No player ever hit a fly ball that reached the 483-foot (147 m) distant center-field wall, which fronted a part of the clubhouse which overhung the field. Given that overhang, it was not inherently clear what the actual “home run line” would have been in straightaway center. Some sources listed the center field distance as 505, which suggests that was where the true home run line would have been, at the back of the clubhouse overhang. But if there were any ground rules governing such a situation, they never had to be applied. The last sporting event played was between the New York Titans and the Buffalo Bills.”
Then, of course, the Giants went to play in candlestick park, which is not exactly a home run factory, either.

 
 

Honus, my point is, it’s very hard to consider historical records with current conditions.

Pitchers had better ERAs, true.

Ballplayers in general are in much better shape today, however, since no one has to dig ditches or work in a feed store in the off season. This would tend to favor hitters, since the pitching arm overbulked is an elbow injury waiting to happen.

I’d put Johan Santana up against all but maybe Drysdale, Gibson, and Seaver from 1968. I can pretty much bet he’d hold his own.

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

As a Brooklyn Dodgers fan, let me say only that the Sox and Yankees can both fuck themselves silly. The only good team is a team that only exists in nostalgia.

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

There hasn’t been a decent pitcher since Christy Mathewson.

 
 

There hasn’t been a decent pitcher since Christy Mathewson.

BAH!

Mordechai “Three Finger” Brown!

 
 

Yeah, for the record, he never got a ring, but he did hit all those dingers and was probably the best hitter of the past 30-40 years. You have to go back to Aaron, Clemente, Mays, and Kaline to find his betters. and none of you youngsters even attempt to argue with me about this, you don’t know shit about baseball. I saw Musial and Clemente on the same day.

Thanks Gramps. Now you cuddle with your memories of Barry Bonds’ batting titles and I’ll still enjoy 2004.

 
 

Mordechai “Three Finger” Brown

Sounds like somebody DIDN’T sCUSE his finGAHS.

 
Bobby Thompson channelling Nelson Muntz
 

St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,
July 30, 2009 at 23:05

As a Brooklyn Dodgers fan,

HA HA!

 
 

Honus, my point is, it’s very hard to consider historical records with current conditions.

Pitchers had better ERAs, true.

Depends on the historical era, actor, as I’m sure you know. The Polo Grounds were extant during the other “juiced ball” era too. Starting in the mid-20s throughout the 1930s, baseball had titanic offensive numbers.

Mel Ott, in particular, took full advantage of the Polo Grounds’ short right porch.

It wasn’t until MLB raised the mound in the 60’s (and baseball went to larger, multi-sport parks) which turned the tables.

And really, steroids were around when Schmidt and Stargell were hitting shots too. They might not have used them, but the 79 Pirates were probably too strung out on coke to notice one way or another.

 
The Negro League
 

Screw all your nostalgic stats.

 
 

Pitchers don’t throw inside anymore either. That’s another consideration to…consider. Also.

 
Bingo Long and his Traveling All-Stars
 

Screw all your nostalgic stats.

Preach it, brother.

 
Washington Senators
 

The only good team is a team that only exists in nostalgia.

And sometimes not even then. *sniffle*

 
 

Bookmark this, Northeastern & Northern Calif. elitists:

You’ll wonder how this went down, but come October, Los Angeles will be holding the World Champeenships in both Baseball & that game w/ the hoops w/ string on them!

 
 

Thanks Gramps. Now you cuddle with your memories of Barry Bonds’ batting titles and I’ll still enjoy 2004.

See, this is why you guys are Massholes. Back when you still had ‘the Curse’, it was the most lovable and character-building thing ever to be a long-suffering loser. Now that you’ve won a couple trophies, it’s all, ‘Bwahaha! Yer loser team is teh l4m3!!!!!!1!hahvahdyahd!!!idearcahnomahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHhhh!!!

 
 

Washington Senators said,
July 30, 2009 at 23:49
The only good team is a team that only exists in nostalgia.
And sometimes not even then. *sniffle*

Luxury
I used to dream of cheering for a team that once existed, when I was a lad, we cheered for hypothetical teams. Like the Timbuktu Ombudsmen. and we liked it.

 
 

Also – uh, yeah, it’s not the ‘batting titles’ that spring to mind when you think of Bonds at the plate.

 
 

…that game w/ the hoops w/ string on them!

Clearly you’re not a golfer.

 
 

There hasn’t been a decent pitcher since Christy Mathewson.

Back in my day, a pound of hamburger weighed two pounds and a nickel would buy you a handjob from Cy Young’s kid sister

 
 

You people.

Any excuse to talk about smacking balls around.

 
 

Clearly you’re not a golfer.

In Frisbee® Golf, the holes have chains, not stupid string.

 
 

OT: Y’know, we make a lot of fun, but it really is hard to eat Cheetos without getting that orange dust all over your fingers.

That’s why I like the white cheddar ones– oh, you still get dust on your fingers, but it doesn’t seem to stain as much. (I think they taste a little better too. Now if only you could get small-size bags as well as full-size ones.)

 
 

a handjob from Cy Young’s kid sister

The hands & arms in the Young family are not to be trifled w/. Little Sister almost de-rooted me once.

 
 

Baseball is boring, this thread is boring! Address that, basetards!

 
 

The specific enhancement provided by steroids to hitters — long ball — and what it does not enhance — making contact — is shown by the fact that even during the Steroids Era nobody has come remotely close to batting .400 or has surpassed George Brett’s “almost .400 year” of 1980.

 
 

Doug,

Brett’s year in 1980 was remarkable but consider Tony Gwynn hit .394 in the strike shortened year of 94 and .368 the year after. Bonds hit .370 in 2002. That’s not taking away from your larger point about steroids and contact, but more to say that some guys have come pretty close to Brett at least, if not .400.

 
 

Geeeziz, tincture, that’s the point!!!

It’s a summer game, no point in getting het up, just chill, d00d. In a few months, you can go nuts w/ the 3.75 secs. of “action” followed by four mins. of time-outs, adverts, & promos football & hoops broadcasts give us.

Baseball’s the national pastime, not the National War Simulation where heavily-armored “jocks” attempt to harm each other in order to gain a few yards of ground.

Which does not imply in any way that I am not looking forward to watching a bunch of idiots try to kill each on the not-as-new-as-it-used-to-be Hi-Def Telebision this fall.

We also await all those repressed ballet dancers trying to put the “ball” through the “hoop.” (Not that there’s anything wro- …)

 
 

I’m enjoying this because of some real self-righteous Boston fans who dissed Barry Bonds for being a cheater.

Me too. Also.

Actually, I wandered over here to get away from OMGTRADEDEADLINEICANTBELIEVEYOUGAVEUPTHATPITCHINGPROSPECT!!ONE!11! And, what do I find? Baseball.

I will think of you guys while I’m watching the Giants hitters barely make contact during batting practice in a couple of hours. I might be a little embarrassed about Bonds and the refusing-to-admit-to-the-roids thing, but man I loved it when he was at the plate.

 
 

Address that, basetards!

I think I might change my nym to “Basetard.”

 
 

Is this a sports blog?

 
 

the fact that even during the Steroids Era nobody has come remotely close to batting .400 or has surpassed George Brett’s “almost .400 year” of 1980.

No one understands Brett’s secret form that year. The hemorrhoids were a feature, not a bug.

 
 

So, looks like everyone else cheated their way to losing.

What kind of swimsuits were they wearing?

 
 

The specific enhancement provided by steroids to hitters — long ball — and what it does not enhance — making contact — is shown by the fact that even during the Steroids Era nobody has come remotely close to batting .400 or has surpassed George Brett’s “almost .400 year” of 1980.

I call bullshit. First off:

1980 George Brett, KC: .390 BA (117 games, 449 ABs, 175 hits)
1994 Tony Gwynn, SD: .394 BA (110 games, 419 ABs, 165 hits)

So right out of the gate, you’re wrong. Second, if you look at the ‘average’ of the league-leading batting averages in the years around 1980 and the during the ‘Steroids Era’, you’re also wrong. In this case, I looked at the five years preceding 1980, 1980 itself, and the five years immediately after. Did the same with the year 1998 (the ‘epicenter of the ‘roid era, so to speak).

Here’s what I find — on average, league leaders had a .346 batting average in the years 1975-1985 (that’s 22 seasons of batting titles, both leagues, averaged). In the years 1993-2003 (the first year of serious PED testing, btw), the ‘average’ league-leading batting average was .360 — 14 points higher.

Again – George Brett Squeaky Clean Era (yeah, right) – batting average champs hit .346

Terrible Awful Backne Roid Rage Era – batting average champs hit .360

Also – lowest league-leading BA in Brett Era was .323 (1983 Bill Madlock, Pittsburgh) … lowest league-leading BA in Steroids Era was .326 (2003 Bill Mueller, Boston)

I have no idea if any of this proves steroids help you make contact. For starters, I suspect Squeaky Clean George Brett Pine Tar Era wasn’t really all that squeaky clean. But it does, I think, show that you are wrong to think that batting averages didn’t shoot up along with homers in the decade of the roid.

 
 

world fucking champions.

 
 

Again – George Brett Squeaky Clean Era (yeah, right) – batting average champs hit .346

Actually, as N__B pointed out above, even Brett had ‘roids that year as well.

 
 

Also, pitchers today aren’t pussies compared to Bob Gibson, Sandy Koufax et. al., at least according to Orel Hershiser … they are putting more into every pitch than the older pitchers had to:

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/columns/story?columnist=kurkjian_tim&id=4359938

 
 

You guys don’t understand. According to the Sox faithful the Sox won the series clean because baseball banned roids in 04 and all the Sox immedieatly stopped using.

I swear it.

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

George Brett?

POOP!

 
 

#

noen said,

July 31, 2009 at 0:46 (kill)

Is this a sports blog?

When it’s not featuring zombie lore and advice.

 
 

What baseball today really needs is better nicknames. David “Big Papi” Ortiz is nothing compared to Bob “Death to Flying Things” Ferguson.

 
 

And THAT’S nothing to Death “Destroy All Everything” Robot.

 
 

Where’s my damn tt tagged text? Damn bog* rendering software stripped me damn tt tags!

*YES.

 
USA Freedom Power
 

Socialism will destroy America. No more incentive to work hard.

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

When I was pitching in Double A they called me Dragon-King “Put on Some Pants” Wangchuck.

 
USA Freedom Power
 

Adress my point, liberals!

 
 

When I was pitching in Double A they called me Dragon-King “Put on Some Pants” Wangchuck.

What did they call you when you were pitching in Double D?

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

…pitching in Double D?

Dragon-King “Holy Shit d00d, We’ve Already Told You Not To Put That Thing in There” Wangchuck.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

These guys are padding stats in short fields with shots that would be warning track outs 25 years ago

A couple of years ago, while drinking in a local tavern, I happened to glance at the television and caught the absurdly high score of the baseball game, and I could think was, “When did they start scoring touchdowns in this game?”

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

No more incentive to work hard.

Haven’t you guys been maintaining all along that the dystopian socialist Obamaocratic tyranny will be nothing but forced labor and black folks stealin’ all our shit? There’s some incentive, if you don’t gots enuff for da Shock Troops to steal, you ain’t gonna like what they’ll be takin instead.

 
 

Hey USA Pow-Pow Powerwheels,

It actually goes “address my post, libs”. I’m just trying to help you fit in to your new found home.

 
 

Hey,

Butter my toast, libs. Also!

 
Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency
 

Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency
Washington , DC — July 30, 2009
Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of September 1, 2009.

The move is being made in order to save the President’s $400,000 yearly salary, and also a record $750 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead that his office has incurred during the last 3 months.

It is anticipated that $7 trillion can be saved to the end of the President’s term. “We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost savings are huge,” stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). “We cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay,” Reynolds noted.

Obama was informed by email this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.

Gurvinder Singh, a tele-technician for Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will assume the office of President as of September 1, 2009. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, NY, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no health coverage or other benefits.

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India , he will be working primarily at night. “Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call center,” stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview.

“I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President.”

A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem as Obama had never been familiar with the issues either.

Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issue at all. “We know these scripting tools work,” stated the spokesperson.

“Obama has used them successfully for years, with the result that some people actually thought he knew what he was talking about.”

Obama will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will be eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 26 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

Obama has been provided with the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Obama may have difficulties in securing a new position due to a lack of any successful work experience during his lifetime.

A greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Obama’s extensive experience at shaking hands, as well as his special smile

 
 

Grease my ‘roids, libs!

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

Artest from the post, that’s three libs!

 
 

Cheating ballers poke their bums
With needles full of drugs
If only they’d grown up with
Loving mothers full of hugs.

 
 

If scroll-troll were even half a man, instead of all worm, he’d at least provide a link so we could all visit the right-wing Onion that has suddenly appeared, & give them some comedy tips.

(Comedy Tip Number One: Comedy is funny.)

 
 

Comedy Tip Number One: Comedy is funny.)

But, according to the late Robin Williams, not pretty.

 
 

the late Robin Williams

Don’t fuck with my dreams.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

What did they call you when you were pitching in Double D?

Busty!

 
 

I think the reason that baseball announcers have to sit there and spout statistics at each other is – there’s usually not a damn thing happening down on the field.

 
 

but according to the former funnyman dennis Miller, comedy is also rough, so wear a cup.

Which reminds me: Dragon King, what happened when you took a line drive to the yarbles?

 
Keep the Change
 

I’m disappointed. I thought you would all be screaming about how the article is “racist” by now. Libs can’t take a joke on themselves.

 
 

Which reminds me: Dragon King, what happened when you took a line drive to the yarbles?

He needed an extra round at the Cordova Milk Bar.

 
 

BREAKING:

Badgers Vote to Outsource PENIS.

POOP remains domestically produced

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

TWO

d00ds a foul magnet.

 
 

The joke’s on you, sucker.

 
 

the sucker’s on YOU, joker.

 
 

I think we can all agree that the only dancing around here is the badgers…

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

…a line drive to the yarbles?

Well it was extremely unpleasant, but I hung on to get the out and wipe two balls off the count.

 
 

d00ds a foul magnet.

That is the latest call I have ever seen.

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

That is the latest call I have ever seen.

I blame Obama. And the Chianti.

 
 

What if Manny was just a big pee fetishist and he was guzzling from the wrong wang?

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

I’m disappointed. I thought you would all be screaming about how the article is “racist” by now. Libs can’t take a joke on themselves.

Speaking of late calls, that one’s two years old.

What they hell, RAAAACISSTTT!

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

Huh? ANSWER ME.

Well, Manny really ain’t my type – but I’m drunk. I mean this in the most heterosecual way possible, but- interest, newsletter…

 
 

They weren’t the Boston Wet Sox for nuthin’.

 
 

OT, but since the T is sports, which is deathly boring as a topic of conversation…I’m currently reading Matt Taibbi’s The Great Derangement and though I wanted to have his baby before I got the book, now I want to have his triplets.

Just one example of the WIN that is this book: Taibbi, undercover at a retreat for Pastor John Hagee’s church, is in a group where they’re being encouraged to talk about their “wounds” from childhood. And he give them this story:
“My name is Matt. My father was an alchoholic circus clown who used to beat with his oversized shoes. He’d be sitting there in his costume, sucking down a beer and watching television. And then sometimes, even if I just walked in front of the TV, he’d pull off one of those big shoes and just, you know — whap!”

Having painted himself into a corner with this story, less than 24 hours later Taibbi finds himself reading aloud a passage from his “autobiography” describing a period in his father’s life when he quit clowning to hand out fliers in a Fudgie the Whale costume outside a Carvel ice cream store:

“I laugh about it now, but once he chased me, drunk, in his Fudgie the Whale costume. He chased me into the bathroom, laid me across the toilet seat, and hit me with his fins, which underneath were still a man’s hands.”

Now, I’m gonna go read some more Matt Taibbi, because unlike sports chat, his shit is funny.

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

Now, I’m gonna go read some more Matt Taibbi, because unlike sports chat, his shit is funny.

Funny story. I’ll tell it to you some day after I finish beating someone with an oversized shoe.

 
 

But it does, I think, show that you are wrong to think that batting averages didn’t shoot up along with homers in the decade of the roid.

I agree. Long balls out of the park that would have been long fly-outs pre-roids era turn outs into hits, therefore raising batting averages. My thought is that I find it interesting that batting average has been far more resistant to the Roids Era than long ball records, which to me suggests that Ted Williams’ .406 stands as one of the most remarkable pure records in sports (esp. given his serving in WWII during his prime years). So remarkable, in fact, that even the most roidest of the roids (Bonds) could not touch it.

 
Time for a Real Change
 

Obamas watermelon smile and his tap dancing will only carry him so far.

 
 

Geeeziz, tincture, that’s the point!!!

It’s a summer game, no point in getting het up, just chill, d00d. In a few months, you can go nuts w/ the 3.75 secs. of “action” followed by four mins. of time-outs, adverts, & promos football & hoops broadcasts give us.

Baseball’s the national pastime, not the National War Simulation where heavily-armored “jocks” attempt to harm each other in order to gain a few yards of ground.

Which does not imply in any way that I am not looking forward to watching a bunch of idiots try to kill each on the not-as-new-as-it-used-to-be Hi-Def Telebision this fall.

We also await all those repressed ballet dancers trying to put the “ball” through the “hoop.” (Not that there’s anything wro- …)

Bah it’s all boring! Cheerleaders can be entertaining but I’m not going to sit through fuck knows how long to see some thigh, this is the age of the intertubes for fucks sake!
The way I see it, the prevalence of free online nekkid people has sounded the death knell for traditional sports. It’s really only a matter of time before we’re all sitting at home making out w/ our Monroebots, ignoring Debby-Sue across the road and slowly dying from electro-gonorrhea, the noisy killer.

 
 

Jenn of Ark is being a Poopyhead. Sports (& musical/food preferences) are fun to argue, bitch & moan about, because they’re fairly irrelevant & you can really bug people anyway (w/o doing them any harm, as opposed to when policies are enacted) as opposed to the very serious subjects of politics & ideology.

That being said, Mr. McG. up there had better watch his Manny-hating fingers (& he’d better “‘scuse” them right now, if he knows what’s good for his extremities) & what they type.

Sincerely,

Ari Fleischer

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

… Manny-hating fingers

Manny hating? Whadda you mean? D00d was just giving a perfectly logically reason why Manny’s test might have come out the way it did. Or are you trying to imply that there’s something inherently distasteful about watersports?

 
 

Liberal intolerance has reached a terrible place when we can’t discuss Manny Ramirez gulping gallons of bright yellow urine from oiled-up bodybuilders.

 
 

All I can say is that the truly intelligent mind is never bored. If at the stadium, you can, for example, speculate as to the personal failures of your fellow fans. (Not always a good idea to do it aloud.) We are led to understand that one used to be able to spy on others’ Wi-Fi activity at D. A.’s sacred Pacific Bell/AT&T/Whatever Park.

You can go to all the stupid hippie rock & roll events you want or can afford, but the group mind of fifty thousand or so nitwits all focused as one on a single action is something you won’t get this side of the Nuremberg rallies. (It’s usually OK in this context.)

Baseball gets extra points because it’s the least “team” of any team sport, being more a series of individual activities occurring sequentially than the totally coördinated fascism of football.

 
 

inherently distasteful about watersports

Well, that “Marco … Polo thing” is pretty fucking stupid.

As well, note differences between “on” & “in.” (As in, “I will gladly shitpiss on you, but you’d have to be some kind of a sick fuck to want me to shitpiss in you.”)

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Major Kong said,

July 31, 2009 at 2:40

I think the reason that baseball announcers have to sit there and spout statistics at each other is – there’s usually not a damn thing happening down on the field.

Just do what they do in football: whenever anybody scores, kick the tally up by six instead of one. It creates the illusion that there’s more going on than there really is.

 
 

I don’t have three hours of my life to spend watching a bunch of millionaires stand around and chew tobacco.

 
 

It’s not the terbaccy chewin’, it’s the SPITTING that’s worth watching.

O/T: Anyone down w/ snuff?

 
 

Major Kong said,
July 31, 2009 at 3:57

I don’t have three hours of my life to spend watching a bunch of millionaires stand around and chew tobacco.

Given that you had the time post the above, I think you do have the time, when not waiting at the apartment mailbox for the check from mommy to come.

 
 

You can do better than that. You’re just phoning it in today.

 
 

a bunch of millionaires stand around and chew tobacco

Is that a metaphor for what the Blue-Dog fascists & Republicans are doing about health care?

 
 

OT: okay, I could give Obama a pass on teh bailouts … & grit my teeth & plug my nose over upholding State Secrets … but come ON. Dude. Srsly. Bud Light ?!?

What. The. Fuck?

 
 

See, I see it the other way around. A truly intelligent mind is often bored. Even pretty flashing lights and shiny keys going jingle-jangle only interest me briefly some days.

I cannot think of any possible way that watersports could ever be thought of as distasteful.

 
 

All I can say is that the truly intelligent mind is never bored.

Hideous worms say otherwise.

 
 

Hey libs!!!

Get a sense of humor, you classless assholes!!

 
 

Obama is a jungle bunny.

 
 

Didn’t Rosanne go crazy a few years ago? Not crazy like “oh she so crazy” but actual like “stay on your meds and Tutankhamun will stop talking to you via your toaster.”

 
 

Obama is an ignorant spook from the ghetto.

 
 

Bunnies are woodland creatures, not jungle denizens.

(See? I am watching the former Brooklyn Bums play the Cards, while abusing all & sundry. Bored? No. Boring? Mmmm, could be.)

 
 

D:

See, this is why you guys are Massholes. Back when you still had ‘the Curse’, it was the most lovable and character-building thing ever to be a long-suffering loser. Now that you’ve won a couple trophies, it’s all, ‘Bwahaha! Yer loser team is teh l4m3!!!!!!1!hahvahdyahd!!!idearcahnomahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHhhh!!!

Don’t blame me for how you felt. I didn’t ask for your pity. Hell, as a Celtics fan, I despised it.

D. Aristophanes said,

July 31, 2009 at 0:08

Also – uh, yeah, it’s not the ‘batting titles’ that spring to mind when you think of Bonds at the plate.

Really? So you want the main idea of the premier cheater in baseball history (outside of Gaylord Perry) to be the thing that he got rich and famous for? OK. Bonds was a great player and a very, very good hitter when he was a pencil. He wasn’t a prodigious home run hitter until he was obviously on steroids.

 
also really tincture, wink wink
 

I am the real fake tincture! Other fake tincture is an unlicensed fake tincture!

 
 

Obama, like most mulattoes, combines the bestiality of the Negro with the cunning off the Caucasian.

 
 

A holistic health ninny said that Roseanne has DID (multiple personality disorder, now known as dissociative identity disorder). It’s the CIA’s fault.

And it’s all tied in w/ Jacko.

 
Keep the Change
 

What makes racism wrong? Three answers loom large in current philosophy: (1) racism manifests the vices of malevolence and injustice, (2) racism violates moral norms of equal respect and is integrally tied to race-based systems of oppression, or (3) racism violates such principles of justice as the principle of equal liberty or the difference principle.

 
 

the cunning off the Caucasian

I agree 100%. Off the Caucasian!! (And his little white friends, too.)

 
 

That means i semi-accurately remembered something. Truly this is a great day for us all. I expect Mss Barr to write A Scanner Darkly pt.2 any day now.

 
 

Also, “Masshole” was around long before the Sox won. As if you could possibly believe it, d.

[not really into the whole sports-slam thing, really. i played enough baseball to know how fucking hard it is to hit one and how to hit one particularly well is harder still. ‘roids are only one of the tools one needs to have in order to be a good hitter.]

 
really real real tincture
 

NO! I am the real fake tincture! YARR!

 
 

The Negro is more likely to engage in criminal behavior, aggression, and sexual promiscuity. He also has an ape-like slope to his forhead, and a smaller brain. His skin emits a peculiar smell.

 
Keep the Change
 

Every creature on this planet has the inalienable right to be treated with dignity. No person or group has the right to proclaim social superiority over any other.

 
 

I am the real tincture!

And so is my brain!

 
 

… the totally coördinated fascism of football.

Ah yes … because whenever two or more people cooperate on a shared goal, that is the hallmark of fascism.

Any thoughts on mixed doubles tennis?

 
 

‘roids are only one of the tools one needs to have in order to be a good hitter.

A corked bat also helps.

 
 

Tennis is a sin. A handful of rusty nails dragged across the blackboard of the soul. Mixed doubles, doubly so.

 
 

What happened to South Africa and Zimbabwe when they fell to Black Rule?

 
The Truthful Problem With Sports
 

Hey there freak, not seen you for a few days… heavily medicated then I guess, huh? But here you are again, after you promised to never come back, once more posting huge articles that no one reads, and name-jacking once more… Guess they got you stabilized in the end eh?

Still, I suppose this article on professional sports, you know, that area of experience where all those lean, hard, muscular black bodies make you and your pasty white racist ass fume and rage because it contradicts all your ideas of being the Ubermensch… So here you are, lashing out at Sadly Owen… sorry, Sadly No as if it were 1936 all over again. And don’t you wish it was? Rather than “The worst day of my life”, when a Black Man was elected as your President… for 4, maybe even 8 years!

So let’s just go back to one of your better days, one of your happier memories, when the world looked like it was going to be less traumatic for you;

It is not going to happen, liberals. Your echo chamber is reverberating now with your shouts of victory before you’ve won a single state. I almost feel badly for you, because when McCain wins, your astonishment will be overwhelming. I say “almost” because your ideology is nasty, anti-free speech, and absolutist, and every decent person will sigh in relief when it goes down to defeat once more.

Here is how it will go down next week. First, the results from Virginia and North Carolina will come in, and they’ll be declared for McCain. You’ll be disappointed, but “no big deal, change can’t come overnight” will be your comment. Florida will go red, and a little nervousness will creep in. The usual suspects will fall into the usual categories. As the night drags on, Ohio, Colorado, and (much to your horror) Pennsylvania will be too close to call.

My advice at this point to you will be to go to bed. You will wake up to a McCain presidency and the Great Liberal Freakout will be on.

Bookmark this, liberals, as this is exactly how it is going to go down. You will be wonder how the hell I was able to call this.

 
 

The Negro is superior in short distance and contact sports, but not in endurance and sports requiring a higher I.Q. His higher bone density makes him less suited for swimming.

 
Keep the Change
 

Intolerance is itself a form of violence and an obstacle to the growth of a true democratic spirit.

 
 

Badgers are black AND white. They are bad at EVERY sport.

 
Keep the Change
 

It has always been a mystery to me how men can feel themselves honoured by the humiliation of their fellow beings.

 
 

Badgers are black AND white. They are bad at EVERY sport.

They do the dead-man’s float well.

And I hear they can be trained to gut-knife.

 
 

Umm, wrong? You ever tried to tackle a badger? They don’t like it even when they’re just hanging out. I even can’t imagine how not be cool w/ it they’d be when there’s a sweet nike contract up for grabs.

 
 

Any thoughts on mixed doubles tennis?

Not being an elitist, I don’t know from these decadent sports of the upper classes. But why did you have to bring “mixed” into it, you sexist pig? Wouldn’t “doubles,” w/o the qualifier, work as well?

And yes, slippery slope-wise, whenever two or more people cooperate on a shared goal, that is the hallmark of fascism. Especially when the “shared” goal is the aggrandizement or enrichment of a member of the already filthy rich parasite class, at the expense of those who do the work!

Neener neener!

 
 

And I hear they can be trained to gut-knife.

I think you mean they can be gutted WITH a knife.

 
 

And I hear they can be trained to gut-knife.

I think you mean they can be gutted WITH a knife.

Spoken like a corpse with no first-hand knowledge of angry badgers.

 
 

I find myself intrigued by the badger.

He seems to be nature’s Rich Little. Bending himself into difficult positions, attempting to impersonate other little forest friends. But never…quite…making it, because in the end, he’s a badger, you know?

And even though he makes an effort to ape the friendly demeanor of others around, eventually you know the rabies will take over and he’ll wind up eating his own brain…

It’s like Wild Kingdom. But stupid.

 
 

..no first-hand knowledge of angry badgers.

I’ll have you know I live in Wisconsin.

ALL the badgers are angry. Even when they are dancing. It’s an angry, stompy kind of dance.

 
 

Badgers are not angry, they’re just misunderstood.

 
 

Badgers are not angry, they’re just misunderstood.

Elvis Costello is a badger?

 
 

Listen you, I’ve had it up to here *gesture at crotch height* w/ the wide spread anti-badger bias which has been so wide spread for the wide spread of several minutes, now.

Badgers are people too!

 
 

*gesture at crotch height*

“My new girlfriend. I’m nuts over her.”

 
 

It’s a birfer eat wingnut world, out there.

 
 

steele, our BLACK TOKEN representative,

steele, if you were a conservative, i might believe you. i know better. i NEVER trust a RHINO like YOU and certainly NOT a BLACK TOKEN RHINO when obama is also BLACK.

resign RHINO!

steele, YOU are PART OF THE PROBLEM.

Yarr. Birfers be {nautical term} all the way to Monkey Island™!

 
seldom-seen smith
 

Baseball gets extra points because it’s the least “team” of any team sport, being more a series of individual activities occurring sequentially than the totally coördinated fascism of football.

Yeah, why don’t the outfielders play catch with each other while they’re out there? They really don’t have anything better to do. Wouldn’t that mean twice as much baseball “action” for the fans?

I’m trying to come up with the baseball::basketball analogy. It’s not shooting hoops, because that’s way too action-packed. 3 hours of free-throws? Still too action-packed. You get a technical foul if you don’t shoot your free-throw within 30 seconds.

 
 

“unreal. first national review, and now american thinker.

it’s pretty obvious to me, that these left-wing propagandists have infiltrated much deeper into conservative territory than i ever imagined.

this is actually frightening. what’s next? are rush and jb williams going to come out against the birther movement?

unbelievable. “

 
 

When American Thinker says you’re stupid, you have to be pretty fucking stupid. American Thinker writers have been known to lose card games to coma patients.

 
 

All I can say is that the truly intelligent mind is never bored.

True, because the truly intelligent mind, when confronted with something deadly boring such as watching paint dry or discussions about sports, wanders off on its own to more fertile pastures.

 
 

American Thinker puts the STOO in STOOPIT.

 
 

Baseball is like, third place. There’s “soccer”, there’s American football, then there’s baseball. And maybe even basketball before it. Shit, maybe even cricket beats it, and nobody understands that fucking sport. Okay, make it fifth place.

Baseball, go away. Nobody will miss you. You have 3918345790 games a year and you’re boring. George Will and a few other nerds will notice if you vanish. Bye.

 
 

Yeah, why don’t the outfielders play catch with each other while they’re out there? They really don’t have anything better to do. Wouldn’t that mean twice as much baseball “action” for the fans?

In Oakland, a popular “side sport” for outfielders is dodging the missives of battery chuckers:

Battery Chucker: (noun). Northern Californian; see also ‘No-Cal’, ‘Water Hoarder’ [from the perceived tendency of Bay Area fans to throw batteries at opposing players, particularly at those from Southern California].

cf. The Smacktionary.

 
 

Jennifer, we could start a thread about guillotines …

 
 

True, because the truly intelligent mind, when confronted with something deadly boring such as watching paint dry or discussions about sports, wanders off on its own to more fertile pastures.

This ranks with one of the other more profound intellectual statements in history:

“My five year old could make a better painting than that.”

Thanks, Jennifer, for sharing.

 
RUGGED IN MONTANA
 

…..I RELEASE THE BALANCE OF MY TIME TO THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN FROM ALPHA CENTAURI!!!!

 
 

Professional sports are now completely dominated by steroids and most of the top athletes are ‘roided up, these days. Truth be told, most NFL players were on steroids from the 1970’s to the present. Sorry if I’m bursting anyone’s bubble. Almost no one is clean. Even tennis is probably rife with steroid use:
http://www.tennishasasteroidproblem.blogspot.com/

 
 

Shit, maybe even cricket beats it, and nobody understands that fucking sport.

No, no! A thousand nos! Cricket is the worst, most boring sport, ever. It’s worse than golf and nothing is worse than golf! I never understood my nation’s love affair w/ that horrible little game.
M. Bouffant may think american football and basketball is bad w/ their “3.75 secs. of “action” followed by four mins. of time-outs, adverts, & promos” but it is nothing compared to cricket. 3 seconds of “action” consisting of one man dressed all in white throwing a ball to another man all in white, who then hits in, another man in white picking it up and throwing it back, followed by 45mins of several men in white standing around discussing it while sipping tea and nibbling scones. Then come the ads.

Oh and if one drop of rain falls anywhere in the state, everybody retires to the smoking lounge for more tea and scones.

 
Groundskeeper Willie
 

I’ll be bringing spark plugs to chuck at people I don’t like. Like You!

 
 

Jee golly willikers, has Mr. Watts had a more boring, irksome or frustrating day than usual? Is he not in a good place in the hormonal cycle?

Has name stealer mastered the art of putting a URI in the box & decided to pick on the kids in the upper grades w/ his mad new skillzz?

You get a technical foul if you don’t shoot your free-throw within 30 seconds.

Don’t you start me typin’ about the inherent fascism in these competitions that are governed by bogus concepts like “time.” Wear a watch & you’ve signed up for the death march to the death train for the death camp.

 
The World's Last Pirate Fan
 

Smiles quietly to self.

At least losing is free!

 
 

He wasn’t a prodigious home run hitter until he was obviously on steroids.

I’ll give you that he didn’t hit 73 homers until he was on steroids, but ‘Game of Shadows’ puts the beginning of his PED use at 2000 (when he hit 49).

Prior to that, however, Bonds had HR seasons of 33, 34, 46, 37, 33, 42, 40, 37, 34 … that’s some pretty prodigious HR hittin’ … especially when you consider some of those early 30+ and 40+ seasons came at a time when guys were NOT hitting 50+ with regularity.

 
 

… the premier cheater in baseball history …

And this. Dude – your guy JUST GOT NAILED FOR CHEATING. How is Bonds ‘the premier cheater’? Did he do, like, double the steroids that Big Papi injected while he was cheating and roiding for the Bosox?

I mean, how do you even qualify this? If anything, I’m thinking Canseco and McGwire were the ‘premier cheaters’ b/c there’s some evidence that those guys were ‘roiding waaaay before Bonds, even though the three came up at roughly the same time. Wouldn’t ‘roiding for longer make you a bigger cheater?

 
 

Neck size, you go by neck size. Before and after comparisons. Biggest % gained = biggest roider. Or you can go by % of testicle size lost, that’s Yale rules.

 
 

Or you can go by ‘player I hate the most’ and then you will know exactly who the biggest cheater was. That is the healthiest approach.

 
 

PS That’s how HTML Mencken gauges cheaters.

 
 

Or we could use the O’Reilly/Goldberg method. That is, it’s all a conspiracy by the players themselves to make everybody else look bad. Of course I always knew it was them, even when it was the bears I knew it was them.

 
 

I am in complete agreement w/ my above statement, by the way, but will modify it slightly.

INABIYPFTTIS.

 
 

Notice how the one funny line actually proves the bill was, indeed, sponsored by a Republican:

“…but no health coverage or other benefits.”

When wingnuts play the humor game, their only score is an own-goal.

 
 

If anything, I’m thinking Canseco and McGwire were the ‘premier cheaters’ b/c there’s some evidence that those guys were ‘roiding waaaay before Bonds, even though the three came up at roughly the same time. Wouldn’t ‘roiding for longer make you a bigger cheater?

You’re still on this shit?

Canseco and McGwire were *always* big men. Even as rookies. Even as college players.

Barry Bonds was the bigger cheater because he was the most *obvious* cheater. Maybe you didn’t see him when he played in Pittsburgh (or anywhere else outside S.F., where no one can do wrong) but I did. Barry Bonds’s natural build was “gazelle”; McGwire and Canseco were lummoxes from the get-go. Their bodies were made to hit HRs, with or without steroids, though of course they were horrible cheaters who should be asterisked and banned from the HoF. Barry Bonds was not a HR hitter in the classic slugger sense till McGwire and Sosa both hit over 60, then he got mad mad mad because his ego couldn’t take all the attention given them. It took *years* for him to juice himself enough to overcome his natural build and frame so that he could have the record all to himself. All steroids cheaters should be asterisked; considering intent and actual design, Barry Bonds should be “double asterisked” and shot in the face with a pitching machine operated by Hank Aaron and the descendants of Roger Maris on grounds of principle.

Anyway, once again your sad fanboy love of The Biggest Cheater forces you to take it out on those whom you perceive to be equally fanboyish, but of course are not. You will never admit the obvious fact that you are more invested in — and therefore more in denial about, and more ruthless and dishonest in defense of — your guy than anyone else is theirs. St. Louis actually had such a backlash that there was a movement to revoke the naming of a part of I-70 for Mark McGwire. Certainly McGwire’s name is mud among fans, and rightly so. That would never happen in S.F., because the more the evidence comes again against Bonds, the more you douchebags want to idolize him. It’s as if you sad sacks have set your goal to be even more morally degenerate and all-around sick-fucky than Cubs fans, which I had thought was the absolute threshold of allowable psychopathy in all MLB fandom.

Very early someone hit the point, so true, that you idiot Giants fans wouldn’t be so sick if you had actually won a W.C. Certainly winning a World Series stopped a lot of the insufferable self-pity of Red Sox nation. It almost — almost — makes me wish you pathetic losers had managed to beat the Angels in 2002. just to stop this gross transference of self-pity cum Bonds worship which plainly afflicts you.

Get this: even Cubs fans aren’t as invested in defending that cheater Sosa as you intolerable asshelmets are invested in defending Bonds — that’s how utterly around the bend you’re gone. Congrats, D.A.: you’re in internet libertarian baseball nerd territory.

You’re beyond the masochistic psychopathology of Cubs fans; you’re beyond the masochistic pathology of Red Sox fans prior to 2004; you’re beyond the pathetic homeboyism of Beane-worshipping A’s fans as well as the obnoxious-for-obnoxiousness’s-sake fanboyism of 1980’s Mets fans. You’ve invested all of your love not only of your team but all of baseball into one cheating sack of nutsack shit: cheating bastard extraordinaire, Barry Bonds, a megalomaniacal sociopath, who would just as soon spit on you as look you in the eye. All because you sick-fucks apparently *need* him, because you don’t have anything else. When it comes to baseball, you and your fellow Giants fans are truly the worst people in the world.

Yes, I’m drunk right now but you’re insane. You don’t give a flying shit about the Red Sox; you just want to get your guy off the hook by any argumentative means possible, damn honesty, decency, and whatever moral standards — if everybody cheated then Bonds wasn’t a cheater is the basic thrust of this post, no doubt lost on most people but not on me because I know exactly what the ledger book says regarding your toxic fanboy assets. Which is why you went blarg blarg over this, over Clemens, probably over Palmeiro, and I’m sure over whatever old-timer news comes out about greenies. Just stop. Eat it. Your guy was the most flagrant cheater *ever*. Nobody ever committed to a long-term plan of cheating with the specific goal of breaking one particular record just because his ego was bruised, no one, no one ever, but fucking Barry Bonds.

 
 

PS That’s how HTML Mencken gauges cheaters.

No, but nice try. Actually, I first gauged it on “most obviously metamorphasized” and “most uncharacteristically excellent to the extent of breaking records at an age at which it is inpossible to do so,” then I gauged it on “most weaselly defended” and “most likely to have fans who are jackass libertarians and degenerate fanboys.” Each time the gauge pegged at “Barry Bonds.”

 
 

Crikey, HTML, don’t spare us now. How do you really feel about this?

P. S.: Pretty sure the ‘Niners could take the Razorbacks in a fair game.

 
 

Yes, I’m drunk right now but you’re insane.

Never admit any such thing. Always go w/ “I’ve been drinking, but that doesn’t make you any less of a …” or “I’ve had a couple of drinks, but your mother is still unappealing by any objective standard.”

For example.

 
 

Yes, right. Look at McGwire’s breadth of chest in that first pic, though I admit it’s hard because of the angle; look at his arms. They aren’t as big as they became, but they are big. Look at Canseco’s neck in the first “skinny” pic. He’s still a big man.

More to the cheating point, McGwire was, what, 22 in that first pic? Canseco was probably about the same age. Look at Bonds at age, say, 27, generally considered a ballplayer’s physical peak. Look at Canseco and McGwire at the same age. Then look at all three at age, say, 18. If you still want to argue that there is no difference between their type builds, then you’re drinking the same bullshit D.A.’s been guzzling.

Back when this started S.I. had a slideshow of Bonds’s melon head over a period of years. At the start was a noraml human being. The final pic was the size of the head of one of those aliens who make you buikld Devil’s Tower out of your mashed potatoes.

 
 

I feel a bit out of place in this thread, considering I don’t really follow any sports outside of mixed martial arts, curling, and Murderball. It was at least interesting to see how easily even a snarky version of the sports & roids debate could bring out Doug Watts’ inner douchebag for a few hours.

 
Jackie Mason Weiner
 

Doug Watts’s inner douchebag is concealed by an exodouchebag so how can you tell when he’s let it out?

But this thread and all other threads about baseball suck because no matter how funny some of the comments are I can think of no way to make it about me by relating some personal anecdote that casts me as a heroic defier of authority figures or just smarter than everyone else. It’s outrageous and I shan’t be back.

 
 

Yes! You know the only reason I post on this shit is to drag your ass back into the loop to post brilliant ripostes, like the one above, HTML! So mission accomplished.

But the bit on McGwire and Canseco being ‘naturally’ lummoxes etc., bigger men at 19, etc. … ever consider the possibility that they might have been ‘roiding way back then too?

 
The World's Last Pirate Fan
 

Wow. Big time.

Moderators weighing in on teh agrument.

Got one for y’all.

Doctor. College graduate. Giant-headed Frosty Look-A-Like.

My head grew a full size-and-a-half in a little over a year.

When I was 22.

Jus’ sayin:’

It’s not the size of the head, it’s the insane late-career production unmatched in the history of professional sport that cries out for the indictment of Barry Bonds.

Ortiz is small bait. OOH! OOH! Another overweight slugger is shot through with enough hormones to kill the Kentucky Derby field. Lah-dee-dah.

As for SuperBostonCheatMeisterTinyCraniumAssChinBrady…

Well, that’s a whole nother issue.

 
 

then I gauged it on “most weaselly defended” and “most likely to have fans who are jackass libertarians and degenerate fanboys.”

One could reasonably argue that such gauging criteria are out of the control of the cheater in question, and thus not legitimate criteria for gauging said cheater as greater or lesser on the overall cheating gauge.

 
 

Not to be a complete Boston-born liberal fascist asshole, but one of the best posts on this came from the Boston contributor in my tiny blog.

 
 

Stargell, mays, Aaron and those guys were pretty well known to use the “red juice” but I doubt that they had steroids. Just look at their pictures; they’re tall thin guys by todays standards- even Stargell until very late in his career. They all played defense too. Most of the best hitters were outfielders. Stargell played LF until 1975. How many power hitting 34 year old outfielders are playing today?
I don’t think Johan Santana would be the first starter on any team with Marichal, Koufax, Gibson, Seaver, Carlton, and that’s just the NL. Look at his inning totals and CGs compared to those guys. (don’t diss Marichal until you look at his numbers. They’re virtually identical to Gibsons for his career, only slightly better)
This isn’t just nostalgia; the 1960s saw the first influx of black and Latin players in large numbers, without significant expansion. Today, there are twice as many teams, and comparatively fewer American kids play baseball, with the rise of soccer and other sports. The most difficult player to develop is a major league pitcher.
Pitching became severely diluted at precisely the time that those big season HR totals were put up. It’s recovered a some, but it is not even comparable to the quality of the 1960-70s. And the parks are smaller and more HR friendly today. Most of the parks of the earlier era were built for line drive hitters. None of the newer ones (Astrodome, Philly Memorial, 3 Rivers, Riverfront, Busch, Candlestick) were as HR friendly as the ones that replaced them.
It’s logical that today’s athletes are stronger and better conditioned and should be superior to earlier eras, but they just don’t look any more impressive than (200 lb) Reggie Jackson hitting that ball out of Tiger stadium or Stargell hitting it over the roof of Dodgers Stadium or some of Mantle’s shots. I’d also note that it wasn’t unusual to have 130 RBIs with 40 or so HRs, while Bonds and McGwire only got that with 70.

 
 

As for Bonds, his BA was .370 in 2002. He hit .362 and waled 232 times in 2004. I have yet to hear that steriods help your eyesight.

 
 

HTML Mencken said:
“Barry Bonds’s natural build was “gazelle”; McGwire and Canseco were lummoxes from the get-go. Their bodies were made to hit HRs, with or without steroids, though of course they were horrible cheaters who should be asterisked and banned from the HoF. Barry Bonds was not a HR hitter in the classic slugger sense”

Sorry HTML, Bonds hit 25 HRs as a leadoff man for the Pirates at age 22 his second year in the league, and 33 two years later. He led the majors with 46 in 1993 for the Pirates. He’s always had power comparable to Canseco and McGwire, even in his “gazelle” stage. And those are statistics, not weaslley defense, Mr. Libertarian fanboy. I don’t doubt that Bonds may have used steroids, but he didn’t need them any more than McGwire or Canseco. Just because Bonds wasn’t a bloat from day one doesn’t mean he isn’t a natural power hitter. Both Hank Aaron and Willie Mays were smaller men than Bonds, so i guess neither of them were “classic sluggers” Oh, and Barry’s father was a 30-30 man six times. Look it up.

 
 

And I may well be an a Bonds fanboy libertard gramps (whose buccos have finished in the cellar for 15 straight years but have still won two more world serious than than the Bosox in the last 100 years, and at least one against the best hitting Yankee team to ever play in the series) but I’m not as obsessed with Bonds as HTML seems to be.

 
 

Ok, “boston juiced”. Hmmm.

A-rod
Sheffield
Clemens
Pettit
Giambi
Yeah, must just be a boston thing. I think everyone knows now that many, many baseball players were cheating. It’s only a question of who’s been caught.

bond
mcgwire
sosa
palmiero
tejada
canseco
caminiti
list just goes on and on, we just don’t know all the names on it

 
 

(comments are closed)