Someone Please Consider The Children
Betsy Newmark, charter high school quiz coach and government teacher, as well as a blogger and 24/7 Republican talking-point regurgitator, has put on her sleuth cap and tried to plumb the mystery as to why most newspapers are staying away from the National Enquirer story alleging that the scandal sheet caught John Edwards in a secret rendezvous with his “mistress” and “love child.” Of course, you don’t have to be much of a sleuth yourself to figure out why she thinks that’s the case. (Hint: liberals at work). The real mystery is why someone this dim-witted is allowed to teach impressionable children.
So let’s watch some of Betsy’s sleuthing in action:
I think there are several reasons playing into the MSM disinclination to report this story. I think part of it is just a disinclination to report what Edwards terms as “tabloid trash.” Even though The National Enquirer has a decent background on scandal stories, most MSM journalists consider themselves above re-reporting what [sic] a story that The National Enquirer owns.
Now you know why Betsy isn’t teaching English at her school. You can also find out why she’s not teaching journalism there either if you’ll mosey over with me to the National Enquirer’s website to see that “decent background” and impeccable journalistic integrity at work
There we have, cheek to jowl, as it were, little green men on the moon and John Edwards’s love child.
If there were a police report or some other documentary evidence then they might start reporting what has been going on.
Ya think? Is anyone (other than Betsy) really surprised that the word of several reporters for a paper that specializes in reporting government cover-ups of little green space men might not, in and of itself, be enough to run a story accusing someone of adultery, particularly without any objective documentation?
This, of course, does bring us to the photo question. Supposedly a swarm of National Enquirer reporters and photographers staked out Edwards at a hotel and they couldn’t manage to come up with a single frigging photo of Edwards. That seems a little fishy since every time I do something embarrassing several of my friends, none of whom is a professional photojournalist, have snapped a picture of the deed and emailed it to me (and everyone else I know) before my hangover has even worn off.
This is such a hole — no, such a crater — in the story that even Betsy seems perplexed about it. But never one to let such a tiny obstacle interfere with her efforts to spread calumny about a Democrat, she’s got an answer:
We’ll see what happens when The National Enquirer releases the pictures that their Editor-in-Chief claims that they have.
Oh, Betsy, you’ve been naughty girl haven’t you? You were hoping we wouldn’t click that link, weren’t you? The Editor-in-Chief does not say that he has photos. The blogger interviewing the Editor-in-Chief says that there was a photographer there. Quite a difference. Indeed, if the National Enquirer, which has been humping this story harder than a terrier on a bitch in heat, had such photos, do you think they would keep them locked in their vaults? If you believe that, then I have pictures of Lindsey Graham, dressed in diapers and wearing a dog collar, giving me a blow job.
She must have missed the series in the Globe detailing the Decider’s falling off the wagon and his cocaine use. What a surprise.
If you believe that, then I have pictures of Lindsey Graham, dressed in diapers and wearing a dog collar
actually, I can believe THAT part of it
Even if the Enquirer has a legitimate story on their hands, who gives a fuck? John Edwards isn’t running for anything, and he’s not even on the short list for VP.
Then again, it is fun watching the wingnuts getting themselves in a froth over a story in the tabloids.
That hook-up you had with Lindsey Graham? Hawt.
Lucky for you no box turtles were harmed (were they?).
I can’t tell you how many Adultery Police Reports I’ve had to fill out.
Heavens to Betsy! So Laura Bush DID run off to the Mayflower Hotel because she was sick of Dubya’s boozin’ n’ floozin’!
If Enquirer had a pic of John Edwards exiting a limo without his underwear, it’d be on intertubes in exactly 2 seconds.
John Edwards isn’t running for anything, and he’s not even on the short list for VP.
That’s what puzzles me about this – they must be short on muck to rake if they’re concentrating on him. I suppose it’s a case of “if we can show one prominent Democrat is bad, that means they’re all bad” or something.
Not to diminish Ms. Newmark’s brilliant commentary, but she somehow got beaten to the mark by Slate’s very own Jack Shafer (who you might remember from his editing of that monkeyfishing story) five days ago:
http://slate.msn.com/id/2195869
Key quote, after he expresses his shock (shock!) that the MSM is ignoring the Enquirer when they were perfectly content to run with a Roll Call story about Larry Craig: “Now, as I’ve already said, the two stories aren’t completely analogous. A cop charged Craig with a misdemeanor, and he pleaded guilty.”
Woah! The guy above her in the faculty list was my European History teacher in high school.
Oh, and he wasn’t a wingnut.
That’s what puzzles me about this – they must be short on muck to rake if they’re concentrating on him.
I’ve never understood why, but Edwards has always been a favorite target of wingnut feces tossing for some time. I think they all have a crush on him.
I’m disappointed. Mind Blowingly Inappropriate coming from the Enquirer? I had to know,,,™
Gossip Girl. Feh.
Okay, well I’ll say this once: If John Edwards has a love child, he should really be ashamed of himself. I don’t mean that in a moralistic way, as he’s a human being and we all have our struggles. But for him to run for president knowing that this might come out (assuming it is true), means that he damn near threw the Dems under the bus for another 4 years.
I think they all have a crush on him.
I hadn’t considered that. It’s likelier than the other explanation I thought of, that he’s rich and openly talks about helping poor people as if he really means to through government, instead of piously leaving it to Jesus to sort out. That’s got to gall them something fierce.
Too funny. Here’s her headline for her Ted Stevens story:
ed Stevens indicted: Good riddance to bad rubbishT!
Even if they have pictures, they’re only of John Edwards running away from a gang of photographers. Nobody has said they have a picture of Edwards, the woman and the alleged love child together. They tried making a big deal out of supposed eyewitness accounts from a doorman at the hotel. But all he said was that John Edwards was indeed at the hotel, and had ducked into the men’s room to avoid the photographers. He didn’t say that he saw Edwards with anyone. So the evidence is this: 1) Edwards was at the hotel 2) a doorman saw Edwards at the hotel. By the way, there was a press tour at the hotel on the night in question: a convention of TV and newspaper people who happened to have a hospitality suite on the same floor as the alleged love nest. I find it hard to believe that Edwards would walk past a hospitality suite full of journalists to score a little illicit lovin’.
I’m sure the Enquirer will run a retraction when the photos reveal that Edwards was only in that hotel room to get a very, very expensive haircut.
Into this mélange of reasons, I think that Bonnie Goldstein at Slate’s XX Factor has put her finger on another aspect of this MSM’s squeamishness, they like and feel sorry for Elizabeth Edwards. Whether that sympathy would play out differently for a well-liked Republican spouse (is that an oxymoron?) in a similar story, I’ll leave up to readers to decide.
It’s not an oxymoron, Betsy! “Cunt” is an affectionate nickname betwen McCain’s and his wife. I’m sure she lovingly calls him “limp-dick.” Vitter and Craig show husbandly love by sleeping with strangers.
Oh…were you referring to the public?
he’s rich and openly talks about helping poor people as if he really means to through government, instead of piously leaving it to Jesus to sort out. That’s got to gall them something fierce. – SamFromUtah
Kinda reminds me of how FDR saved the collective ass of the upper classes in this country from mobs with pitchforks … and the upper classes labeled him a class traitor. Some people are just ungrateful gits I guess.
My friends, this is a perfect example of why I stay away from the Internet.
Look at my friend Mrs. Newmark. Clearly something has happened to her, and I blame the Internet.
If elected, I promise to drop the Internet on Iran.
pictures of Lindsey Graham, dressed in diapers and wearing a dog collar, giving me a blow job.
I think I’d pay not to see that.
If you believe that, then I have pictures of Lindsey Graham, dressed in diapers and wearing a dog collar..
Actually, she does believe that. That’s what she wrote about.
We expect to see your picture very soon….
The fact is, you liberals owe Mickey Kaus and Glenn Reynolds apologies for doubting the fact was that John Edwards was having an affair because they’ve got evidence of it and you can’t refute the fact is that they have evidence of it.
John Edwards isn’t running for anything, and he’s not even on the short list for VP.
That’s what puzzles me about this – they must be short on muck to rake if they’re concentrating on him. I suppose it’s a case of “if we can show one prominent Democrat is bad, that means they’re all bad” or something.
Or else, the megacorporatist mouthpieces are really, really determined to keep Obama from offering Edwards the VP slot, because adding a white Southern populist to the Dem ticket would make whatever joke candidate draws the short straw in the ‘R’ column look that much worse. If such were possible. (And, yes, I’m looking at you, Willard; the fact that you have never had sex with anyone other than your unfortunate wife doesn’t mean us Massholes will ever forgive you for screwing the entire state.)
In all fairness, former Apollo astronaut Edgar Mitchell did go on record with a statement to the effect that he had knowledge that ETs were real and there was a government coverup to try to prevent that fact from becoming public knowledge. That’s all the lurid NE headline was referring to.
Guys, there is no “the only evidence they have is…” or “if it’s true, Edwards should be ashamed”. All there is is a story from a paper that makes shit up as a matter of course. Even debating what “evidence” they have is helping the wingers drag Edwards through the mud. Stop it.
I am disinclinated to clicking that link. Aint gonna do it.
Although, Betsy does inform us of one thing, this has got to be great news for Clinton, or Giuliani, or somebody.
“If there were a police report or some other documentary evidence then they might start reporting what has been going on.”
Haha. I love that. I believe this captures wingnuttery almost perfectly: If I had any fucking evidence supporting the blather coming out of my face, people might take me seriously.
This is perfect because it can be applied to virtually every statement made by every wingnut – ever.
There are plenty of rumors (and dead bodies connected to them) about GWB having affairs and sexually assaulting women, too. Will Betsy slooty-sloot-sleuth her way around to verifying those, as well?
Oh, and don’t forget Karl Rove. And John McCain.
You know what else They are covering up? Mr. Aleph is really Batboy. I mean how else could he have snuck off with the secret Fake Obama Prayer? And who has better media connections than Batboy?
Dude. Gross.
you can’t refute the fact is that they have evidence of it. – Ruppert
Classic!
Reminds me of the line in The Faking of the Vice Presidency which recommends someone interested in the VP slot to “offer to pledge” money to the presumptive nominee’s presidential campaign — the key words being “offer” and “pledge”.
The goat blower? We don’t owe him anything. In fact, the fact is that he owes us an explanation as to why he has not categorically denied said goat fellating.
It would be irresponsible to not speculate about his Goat Love.
You know, if you hadn’t said “(left)” I’m not sure I would’ve known which was Newmark.
I find it hard to believe that Edwards would walk past a hospitality suite full of journalists to score a little illicit lovin’.
Maybe he is trying to inspire a romantic comedy and wants to be played by Hugh Grant.
No real comment, but I thought I’d give props for the Photoshop job… they do make a cute couple though, don’t they?
Dear Betsy,
It’s because it’s THE FUCKING NATIONAL ENQUIRER!!!!!
Hey! Lindsey Graham is not giving you a blowjob in that picture!
Hopes smashed on the floor.
Maybe he is trying to inspire a romantic comedy
Wait- Edwards wants to be Hugh Gant and get to have sex with Julia Roberts?
Well, c’mon. That just begs the question.
I mean, how do we know there wasn’t a liberal conspiracy to discredit the National Enquirer 15 years ago by having Roseanne sue them, so that in 2008, no one would believe them about John Edwards’s alien love baby?
I mean, how do we know there wasn’t a liberal conspiracy to discredit the National Enquirer 15 years ago
Was that somehow tied in with the secret conspiracy to make Ted Kennedy president (a.k.a., Watergate)?
They attack what threatens them. (Both the wingnuts and the MSM.) The MSM gladly beat the “expensive haircut” drum for months. They would create a symphony out of an Edwards love child if it were true. He’s smarter, richer and more attractive than they are, and they hate him for it. Now, if he were a Republican they might forgive all that, but that presupposes an attractive Republican politician. Anyone care to name one?
So, strictly in the interest of accuracy, has Micky Kaus not denied blowing goats or having goats blow him? And which is the most irresponsible not to speculate about?
I broke up with Ms. Betsy a few years ago but I’m glad Clif took her out on a date. No hard feelings. Just sadness. I keep hoping I’ll meet a nice conservative lady but, no, the GOP babes I meet are just like Betsy, all talking points, typos, and on the wingnut dole. (Unbelievably, Ms. Newmark is a columnist for the Wash Ex.)
She really needs some attention but, no, I don’t think she’s gonna run a correction about the photos/photographer.
Maybe, just maybe, if it doesn’t work you, you can introduce Betsy to the Rude Pundit. I’m pretty sure they will like each other.
I missed the part where the police file reports on consenting adults hooking up for possible sex. Where was that again? Note to self – stay out of that jurisdiction.
But the Republicans have been trying to make the “Edwards is a fag” meme stick the entire election cycle.
So are we sure this “love child” thing isn’t a LIBERAL PLANT?
At the risk of breaking my heart again, I took another look at my ex-sweetie’s blog. I was a bit worried after she denounced Hulk Stevens but, no, she’s still got the right stuff. This is pure, hardcore, and gorgeous Newmark:
“As far as Barack Obama’s speech in Berlin, I think Charles Krauthammer, as usual, summed it up the best on Brit Hume’s show.”
Her analysis of Obama’s speech is so beautiful that I think she might be trying to lure me back.
Brilliant!*
* But thanks a lot for that last image now seared into my brain as I sit down to enjoy some pizza.
Oh, Betsy is a clueless little hater.
Nothing is too trivial for her dirt magnet blog. And it attracts some of the most bigoted and ignorant regressives around.
The MSM has nothing about Mickey Kaus’ goatblowing either. Damn liberal media. The Enquirer might cover it if he blew goats on the moon.
“Someone Please Consider The Children” is right.
Until now, I was blessed with total ignorance as to the real, close-up appearance of Sen. Lindsey Graham. Now I can only hope for sudden cranial trauma … or sleep without the threat of lurid slow-motion nightmares, from what I now know. Jesus – it’s like some sick fuck put Goatse in a suit & tie!
Until now, I was blessed with total ignorance as to the real, close-up appearance of Sen. Lindsey Graham.
Me too! Gyargh, the dude looks like the love child of Dan Quayle and Orrin Hatch.
It truly scares me that this woman is a teacher of impressionable young people.
I’m assuming she got her teaching position the same way Monica Goodling got her Justice dept job.
I haven’t read through all the comments but did you see Betsy’s special page for her students? http://home.att.net/~betsynewmark/
It’s a sight to behold. For example, she’s got a section for her “kids” on media bias titled “There is a Liberal Bias” with links to conservative blogs she holds near and dear. Below that “There is No Liberal Bias; In Fact, There is a Conservative Bias” with links to all the same conservative blogs she holds close to her heart.
That photo of Ms. Lindsey at the link is pretty scary. Whoever Morrisey wrote “This Charming Man” about, it obviously wasn’t the divine Ms. L!
pictures of Lindsey Graham, dressed in diapers and wearing a dog collar, giving me a blow job.
Why do all these senators keep sucking my dick?
The OJ trial was some of the NE’s finest work, with actual scoops in amongst all the nonsense. I wish Edwards was Obama’s VP. Change and Populism actually work fairly well together
I have never seen Lindsey Graham wear a diaper (with polkadots).
Lindsey Graham is not gay!
Lindsey Graham has never been gay!
Listen to me. I know what is not gay!
btw: Mickey Kaus does not blow imported goats. I cannot speak for domestic goats.
I’ve never understood why, but Edwards has always been a favorite target of wingnut feces tossing for some time. I think they all have a crush on him.
His sin is not being a trial lawyer, but being a successful trial lawyer.
Oh, and talking about poverty in ‘Murca.
Hey Lindsey, where’s Tobias? Go make me some hot ham water or I’ll beat the crap out of you.
…I’m assuming she got her teaching position the same way Monica Goodling got her Justice dept job…
Perhaps. However–and it’s painful to say this–there are plenty of teachers who are less, um, educational than Ms. Newmark. She’s pretty predictable and I’m sure the smart kids figure it out pretty quickly. Some teachers who hide their views and even the smart kids don’t figure it out until it’s too late.
I’m sure you sadlies figured this out long ago but it just occurred to me the Netroots conference was a waste of money. If we really wanted to set the right back, oh, fifty years, sponsoring a conference that features B-list wingnut bloggers would do the trick. Imagine Newark, Goldberg, Confederate Yankee on a panel hosted by, say, Pam Atlas or the Anchoress on, say, Black Women and Foreign Policy. The Cspan footage would be a cult classic.
[…] course, Clif’s probably also upset that just last week he wrote [Someone Please Consider the Children]: This, of course, does bring us to the photo question. Supposedly a swarm of National Enquirer […]