We’re going to beat the bear in the woods references until Gavin makes us stop
Gotta love the may this and may that:
Al-Qaida terrorists may be plotting more urgently to attack the United States to maintain their credibility and ability to recruit followers, the U.S. military commander in charge of domestic defense said Thursday. […] While he said that U.S. authorities have thwarted attacks on a number of occasions, he said terrorist cells may be working harder than ever to plot high-impact events. […] “So I think there may be a certain sense of urgency among that organization to have an effect.”
Bonus 1:
Asked about the terror threat, Homeland Security spokesman Russ Knocke said, “There continues to be no credible information telling us about an imminent threat to homeland at this time.”
Good thing there’s this then:
Which brings us to bonus 2:
On Thursday, however, Chertoff said the U.S. has successfully lowered the risk of a large-scale domestic terrorist attack for the near future.
“We have significantly reduced the risk of a major attack in the short term,” Chertoff told a group of editors at The Washington Post in a report posted online Thursday.
And ends with bonus 3:
In July, U.S. intelligence analysts, in a threat assessment, concluded that al-Qaida had rebuilt its operating capability to a level not seen since just before the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. The report said the terror network had regrouped along the Afghan-Pakistan border, but it also noted that officials knew of no specific credible threat of an attack on U.S. soil.
Awesome. (Our first Bear Weapons of Mass Destruction in the Woods post).
Bears in the woods can be fun.
(and I swear that I’m doing things today other than hanging out here to land the first post).
Hey, that’s cool. I never went back to the birth of Teh Sadly.
It was kinda lonely around here back in those days, huh Seb…
mikey
Bummerooney. This bear talk is not helping poor pitiful Chertoff;
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23494846/
You know what’s been missing lately?
Another Osama boogie man Laden video. Bush must have forgotten to pay the bill.
I iz home from ma job.
Cuz of snow.
Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I see. So the Bush administration has heroically saved our white, virginal nation from the dusky hordes, but now they are hornier than ever. Time to stop pussyfooting around and make Hillary Clinton Secretary of Defense so she can kick ’em in the NUTS!
Yes — soul-crushing loneliness! 🙁
Now nobody comes here anymore, it’s too crowded.
When the locals start bombing military recruiting centres the military can be expected to step up its fake threats, dire warnings and paranoia.
Attracting and retaining help for useless wars is a tough job!
Shorter General Renuart: Look! Wolf!
Hey, it’s the Sadly No guy! It looks like he’s taking a break from his obsession.
A bear is taking a dump in the woods when a white rabbit hop by.
“Hey, tell me something”, the bear asks the bunny. “Do you have aproblem with shit sticking to your fur?”
“Why, no.”, says the rabbit.
So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
*hops*
“We have significantly reduced the risk of a major attack in the short term,”
TRANSLATION: “We’ve renewed the President’s Zoloft prescription at the Rite Aid.”
Maybe D.H.O.P. could provide an online diagnosis of the S,N!’s guy’s problems.
Based on her professional experience, of course.
I meant Dr. Mrs. Ole Perfessor!
Damn you, Duros62!
Oh crap! Renuart is right! Quick, invade Portugal!
Damn you Duro! Beat me to the joke.
ifthethunder – whereya at? I’m home from work because of snow, too, so you gotta be in the general region.
I’m in Columbus, Ohio.
Part of the Heartland™, supposedly.
Damn, Duros, I’m impressed.
I didn’t think you could do that joke in text.
I just assumed the punch line HAD to be visual…
mikey
Yes — soul-crushing loneliness! 🙁
Boo hoo. Come visit me at the pet cemetary.
Part of the Heartland™, supposedly.
I believe the Heartland only includes areas where the population density is greater for livestock. Columbus is a den of terror-loving homosexuals driving Priuses and burning the American Flag in satanic rituals. (i.e. there is a university there)
I always forget about the threat level bullshit until I go on vacation. The Southwest Florida International airport I always come through has a permanent looped announcement about the threat level, always orange, and asking travelers to be wary. (Because obviously the SW Florida airport is a major target.) The oddest thing is the voice sounds incredibly like Al Gore.
At JFK, where the risk is genuine, there’s no announcement.
It’s a wonder they don’t sneak cocaine into the food supply to keep people paranoid.
Who says I’m paranoid?
More Frosted Flakes please, I just can’t get enough!
I went to visit my ex-pet ‘Rosebud’ at the pet cemetary, but it had been sold to Walmart and was full of RVs trying to escape the heartland, but unable to proceed due to heavy snows.
For your reading pleasure, here’s an excerpt from a screenplay that I’ve been writing. It’s a fictionalized version of Michael Chertoff’s retirement, in which Chertoff moves to the Midwest and opens an automotive repair shop.
[Scene 10: Chertoff is standing next to a car in the garage and talking to the car’s owner]
Owner: Your bill seems awfully high. I’ve never had to pay $3,000 for a brake job before.
Chertoff: Well, you’re brakes were in really bad shape. I had to do a lot of stuff to make the car safe to drive. If I hadn’t done what I did, you could have driven right off of a cliff and died in a fiery explosion.
Owner: Wow! What is it that you had to do, exactly.
Chertoff: I can’t tell you. I have a non-disclosure agreement with the manufacturer of my brake replacement parts that prohibits me from discussing the details of my work.
Owner: That’s strange. Why can’t you tell me what you did?
Chertoff: The manufacturer doesn’t want non-automotive repair personnel to know the details of the repair process. It’s worried that there might be lawsuits if owners heard about what I do and tried to do it themselves. It’s really for your own protection.
Owner: Oh…I guess I understand that. As long as my brakes are fixed that’s really what matters. The car is safe to drive now, right?
Chertoff: Well, it seems safe for now, but you never know. There’s a good chance that the brakes will fail unexpectedly at any time.
Owner: What!?! Is there another problem that needs to be fixed?
Chertoff: No, of course not! I’m very thorough in my work. Everything is fixed and in perfect working order. Frankly, I’m a little insulted that you would even suggest that I could have missed something or done something wrong. I’m the best mechanic in the state!
Owner: But you just said that the brakes could fail suddenly and without warning.
Chertoff: Oh yes. I’m very concerned that your brakes could completely fail at any time. To be on the safe side, you should come by the shop every morning so that I can inspect your car and make repairs. I’ll even give you a special rate of $100 per inspection.
Owner: Ummm, I can’t really afford that. I think that I might go to the mechanic across the street and have him give me a second opinion.
Chertoff: That’s fine…if you don’t mind dying a horrible death.
Owner: Why would I die a horrible death?
Chertoff: Vampires. You have several of them living in the upholstery of your car, and the mechanic across the street is a known vampire sympathizer. If you go over there, the vampires will come out of the upholstery and drain all of your blood. That assuming that you even make it across the street with those dangerous brakes that you have in your car.
Owner: You’re crazy.
[Chertoff grabs the car keys out of Owner’s hand while mechanics holding heavy tools surround Owner menacingly.]
Chertoff: I’m sorry, but I can’t let you take this car. I have a responsiblity to keep everyone else safe from your dangerous tolerance for unsafe brake systems and upholstery-based nosferatu. Thank God I was here to save you, just like I saved America from the evil terrorists whom I had already defeated.
[End Scene]
I don’t even like cocaine. I just like the way it smells.
justbrent – be sure to update us when you finish the scene in Condoleeza’s insurance agency.
I love all you commenters, and I’m not even drunk.
Chertoff is, without question, the scariest looking person in the security universe — and that’s saying a lot.
Why are you looking at me?!
Athenawise said,
March 7, 2008 at 23:39
I love all you commenters, and I’m not even drunk.
Chertoff is, without question, the scariest looking person in the security universe — and that’s saying a lot.
It’s after
5:004:30 PM here in teh Heartland…you’ve plenty of time to catch up.“Werewolf?”
“There, wolf.”
Jeez, I just finished my sammich. I still gotta do, um, something. For work, I mean.
Ahh, who am I kidding. It’s friday afternoon and I have my paycheck in my pocket. Think I’ll surf the blogs for a while and bail out early.
I sometimes think it must be much more interesting to live in a place that actually HAS weather. Today in teh valley? Partly cloudy, 68. Yesterday? Partly cloudy, 68. Wanna hazzard a guess about wednesday, or tomorrow? Pretty likely it’ll be partly cloudy and 68. Unless it decides to switch to sunny and 70. That may not be til next week, though.
So yeah, weather would be kind of interesting. Then I remember trying to get around tahoe in the winter on my scooter, or trying to chip the door to my truck open after an ice storm in texas, and I think, nah, fuckit, weather’s for suckers…
mikey
Can we have a contest for the worst CNN web headline? Their headlines are pure trash every day.
Today they’ve got:
“Mom Charged in Child Power-washing”
“Women in Stilettos race for $15,000.”
and
“Coworker Stole Lottery Winnings, Cops say.”
Well, kids CAN get pretty dirty…
mikey
It’s great that there are hearings, but remember: Spending lots of money, making lots of noise and a show of doing something (while not really accomplishing what you were actually hired to do) and then saying “I take full responsibility” (while not actually being accountable) is What These People Do.
Wait, what?
They’re coming!
No they’re not.
They’re coming!
No, not really.
They’re coming! Break out the duct tape!
Well, maybe not.
Make up your fucking minds, assholes.
Mikey, you can come up to MN for some weather fun. Today was a beautifully sunny day with temps in the single digits below zero. We may finally hit 40 next week. It’s good for developing fortitude.
Well, snow in Little Rock on March 7 definitely is not normal, particularly when we haven’t had any this winter. Normally March 7 is full-on spring here with days in the 60s and 70s. Though it was in the 60s day before yesterday. The day before that? It snowed, but not enough to stick here…70 miles west they got 13 inches, though. If I was a wingnut, this is when I’d claim this is proof that there’s no such thing as global warming.
You know what’s been missing lately?
Another Osama boogie man Laden video. Bush must have forgotten to pay the bill.
Writer’s strike. So sorry, we’ll have one along in a couple of months.
So has the Rainbow of Fear ever gone below yellow? I don’t remember hearing about it, and I can’t imagine that Bushco psy-ops would ever allow it to, no matter how low any real or imagined assessment of threats got to be.
justbrent – be sure to update us when you finish the scene in Condoleeza’s insurance agency.
I thought that said Condoleeza’a Insurgents agency.
D00d, if I have impressed mikey, I’ve had a good friggin’ day.
But really, it’s just always the first thing I think about when I hear talk of bears in woods.
I think they dropped the threat to paisley, once, or maybe it was mauve.
Oh yea, what do those colors look like again?
If it’s yellow it’s mellow.
I think the bear went over the mountain.
Everyone knows that the bears were moved to Syria, and that Iran is currently breeding more bears, and that we have to kill the bears over there before they come over here and steal our picnic baskets. Duh.
Hey, Boo-Booo!
The fact is, bears don’t pull their own wait.
I was browsing through some youtube videos while I was out in the woods taking a shit, and look what I found.
Durh. Everyone knows the WMDs are in Obama’s speeches, not some metaphorical woods. That’s why it’s a bad thing to have publicly spoken out against the war and to inspire people.
That’s why Hillary has decided she’d rather have McCain than Obama in the White House.
Not because she’s a piece of shit narcissist standard issue politician, but to save us from being killed by public figures trying to speak to our better selves.
The fact is, you are laughing at those who keep us safe, when this shows nothing but liberal bias against reality. In fact, as a great journalist said, you are divorced from reality.
Here in the heartland, where we are getting buried under tons of snow, we are not asking for a federal bailout, we are digging. Unlike New Orleans, where the lazy blacks and black-acting welfare opportunists waited for free money and housing instead of helping themselves.
The WMDs are where they’ve always been. In my PANTS, BAYBEEEE!
The fact is, those who attacked the recruiting station are terrorists. Like those who attacked the ROTC building at Kent State, they should be gunned down like dogs. It might get you liberals to fall in line. If there is another attack, you’d better shut up.
Um, sitemaster, we could do without trolls threatening to kill people with guns.
Gary has been crossing that line too much lately.
Real Gary? America wants to know!
Who cares? All the fake garys and real garys and ADD garys and some software-based garys have all come together in one big offensive, highly stupid gary. A not funny, not endearing boring and unpleasant gary. One that has earned at least a thirty day suspension, dontcha think?
mikey
The fact is, fake gary is boring.
I support and encourage g.
Really Pumas?
I myself had a snort and a titter.
wait a minute….g this is confusing.
I tolerate trolls, and I like Sadly, No’s practice of not banning trolls, but I draw the line at saying people – meaning those of us at this site – should be gunned down like dogs.
I don’t know whether the gary who makes the threats is fake gary or regular old gary, but he’s been saying this far too much in the last month or two, and he needs to stop or be banned.
Or I could take him apart brick by brick like a lego toy, as I promised long ago.
I’ll be back, gairy.
Don’t even bother, Susan.
He’s not invested.
He’s not honest.
Hell, he’s not even real.
He won’t debate, he’ll only fling talking points covered in poo.
Shadow boxing with stupid will only leave you winded and stupid, well, still stupid…
mikey
” . . . may be plotting more urgently to attack the United States . . . may be working harder than ever to plot . . . there may be a certain sense of urgency.”
There may be a certain urgency in getting these guys out of office.
You know what’s been missing lately? Another Osama boogie man Laden video. Bush must have forgotten to pay the bill.
POTD to Arky!
Although I’m thinking it’s all because the Dems haven’t picked our final candidate yet. Bin Forgotten has two separate videos waiting for the NSA to air. You think *you’re* disappointed that the Texas/Ohio primaries didn’t settle the issue — poor Osama’s watching his Q-factor sag like Dubya’s ratings because the Allahdamned Fox execs would rather milk ‘American Idol’ than suffer their patriotic duty to their fReichtard masters. The way the economy is tanking, al-Queda may have to buy airtime in the Pennsylvania markets encouraging us to make up our tiny infidel minds, already.
Um, sitemaster, we could do without trolls threatening to kill people with guns.
Just wanted to second that.
He’s not invested. He’s not honest. He won’t debate,
Just wanted to second that too.
He’s a killjoy and an asshole. The kind of fucknuts that won’t stop annoying people until they leave, which we all did. He thinks that means he wins; his juvenile is that deep. Cut the sick mofo off. Any bartender would have done it a long time ago.
Just wanted to add that myself.
I second g’s motion.
No, wait!
I two g’s motion!
Susan, a wise maxim: “Never mud-wrestle with a pig. You’ll both end up covered in mud, but only the pig will enjoy it.”
Third the notion that talk about “we will gun you people down” is worth a time-out, though. I don’t read garybot spam, but I’m sure the NSA does, and the proprietors don’t need to give them any more reasons to go sniffing through the Sadlynaut panty drawers.
Well, Hinderaker knows that Islamic extremists or Code Pinkers are to blame for that explosion at the Times Square recruiting station. He doesn’t even say “may” he just states it as a fact. He offers no substantiation, of course, quotes no law enforcement or any other official.
It’s just obvious to certain folks … just like it’s obvious that if you keep shouting “Boo!” people will vote Republican.
You guys are right, it’s not worth it. It would just be a waste of my beautiful mind, to quote Medea.
More exciting and wonderful headlines:
“Frozen Body Found In Newport Beach Hotel Room”
This one from the NBC afficilate in LA.
Ah hell, friday night, plenty of scotch and pot, dinner is almost ready, rock n roll playing, fire burning, daylight savings weekend, the asshole president of the company I work for has a new whipping boy.
I’m just having WAY too much fun…
mikey
Totally OT, but of interest: On the local news tonight, a story about two lesbians who tried to open an RV park for gays. After working on it for 6-9 months, the people who were renting the land to them cancelled the whole project. They didn’t like the name chosen for the campgrounds: Camp Lickalotta. No, seriously, that’s the name. And they said it on TV, with straight faces, and were very upset that their lease was cancelled. I applaud their efforts, but I do think the name shows poor judgement or bad taste…er, I mean, oh, never mind.
Did it take them 6 months to get it?
Hah! I think it took them 6 months to find out what the name was going to be, but, this is North Carolina….
The fact is, I threatened to kill terrorists with Guns. Whatever. You liberals threaten to subject them to sensitivity training and to feel their pain. I think my methods are proven to work.
yes, the proof abounds.
The other day, T4toby gave me a small kick in the ass to put up a new piece on my shitty little blog. Thanks T4. So I found I had a pretty serious waxy yellow buildup of anger. So don’t blame me, blame T4toby.
Thanks for the nudge, man…
mikey
> The fact is, I threatened to kill terrorists with Guns. Whatever. You liberals threaten to subject them to sensitivity training and to feel their pain. I think my methods are proven to work.
Do you gladiator movies and professional wrestling, Gary?
Jus wondering….
I think my methods are proven to work.
Um, not if you get to define “terrorist” as “anybody I don’t like”.
Then you’re gonna get some serious pushback…
mikey
Honey, you need to shovel the driveway. And stop playing with your “Gun”, you’ll just go blind.
Here in the heartland, where we are getting buried under tons of snow, we are not asking for a federal bailout, we are digging.
As someone pointed out the other day, many of Gary’s observations make more sense if you set them to Doors music.
No eternal reward will forgive us now
For wasting the dawn.
I don’t get it. Should I be afraid, or comforted?
You should be afraidforted.
some other guy wasting his time here, said..”I love all you commenters, and I’m not even drunk.
Chertoff is, without question, the scariest looking person in the security universe — and that’s saying a lot.”…..
Speaking of Chertoff,my bro says to me every time Chertoff appears on the telly….”there’s that guy again,the corpse,christ,the guy’s still alive”