Colon Sniffs Dog
Alicia Colon, the Mary Shelley of Staten Island, is gracing the pages of the New York Sun with her eloquent defense of Duane “Dog” Chapman and his penchant for using the n-word.
When the chairman of the Congress of Racial Equality, Roy Innis, invited me to join him at a luncheon with Dog the Bounty Hunter, I was slightly puzzled.
Of course, Alicia was puzzled since Chapman’s well-known epithet wasn’t aimed at Hispanics, and so she doesn’t really have a dog in the race, so to speak, about whether Dog should be Imus-ed and welcomed back to the airwaves with open (white and wannabe white) arms. You might want to read the above sentence by Alicia again because it is the last thing she says in her column that makes a whit of sense.
When I arrived at CORE’s Broadway office, the entire staff was posing for photographs with Dog and his wife, Beth Chapman. None of the predominantly African-American staff members appeared reluctant to pose with the alleged racist, and that’s because Mr. Chapman isn’t one.
Well, actually, if you know anything about CORE, they might be posing with Dog precisely because he is a racist. A little background on CORE:
In January 2005 CORE organised two events as their Dr Martin Luther King celebrations. One of these was … [a] reception at the New York Hilton Hotel where they honored, amongst others, Green Revolution scientist, Norman Borlaug, and neo-conservative, Karl Rove, George W. Bush’s election strategist and the man who oversaw black voter disenfranchisment in Florida and Ohio in the 2004 presidential election.
Past CORE invitees to their King Day celebrations are reported to have included Austrian politician and Nazi-sympathizer Jorg Haider, and right-wing radio host Bob Grant, who once called Dr. King a ‘scumbag’.
But Alicia has more on why Dog’s not a racist:
Racists do not belong to churches where the pastor is a black man, nor do they have them as friends. Getting offended by the “n” word actually depends on who is saying it. President Clinton’s brother Roger was caught on police video saying that word repeatedly, yet blacks consider Bill Clinton the first black president.
I regret to inform you that simply by reading that paragraph you lost 20 I.Q. points. So sue me.
Later on at lunch in the Village, I heard the full details of that infamous call and asked Mr. Chapman why he didn’t say more about the extenuating circumstances when he was on the “Larry King Live” show. He explained that he wanted to take responsibility for uttering those hateful words and that he didn’t want to do anything that would hurt Tucker’s girlfriend.
Since you’ve already lost 20 I.Q. points reading these excerpts of Alicia’s column, you may not have noticed the utter preposterousness of this explanation that Dog, who called his son’s girlfriend a n!@#$r, “didn’t want to do anything that would hurt” her. This means, best I can tell, that Dog thought the girlfriend was a shiftless crack ho (the “extenuating circumstances” that made it okay to call her a n!@#$r) but that it would be unduly hurtful to let her know that was why he was calling her a n!@#$r. Or something like that. We all should exhibit such finely-tuned consideration for the sensitivities of others.
Oh, and guess who CORE is inviting to its next Martin Luther King day celebration?
Incidentally, CORE …will hold its Martin Luther King celebration on January 21 at the Sheraton Hotel. A guest of honor will be Senator McCain; Duane “Dog” Chapman will be another special guest. This one may be a sellout.
It will certainly be a sellout, but not quite in the sense that Alicia hopes.
Mitt Romney will also be there. Figuratively, of course.
sellout? McCain?
Freudian Slip?
I regret to inform you that simply by reading that paragraph you lost 20 I.Q. points. So sue me.
I’m afraid that will be impossible. After reading that paragraph, I not only forgot my attorney’s name, I forgot my *own* name.
Racists do not belong to churches where the pastor is a black man, nor do they have them as friends.
Ok, that’s pretty stupid, but still, about par for the course for wingnut apologetics. What’s next?
President Clinton’s brother Roger was caught on police video saying that word repeatedly, yet blacks consider Bill Clinton the first black president.
Aba-… Hubba-… Ah… DOES NOT COMPUTE
She makes Goldberg look rational and coherent.
Yes, yes, Dog the Bounty Hunter. I’ve got my own problems. So, in this cake recipe, if I substitute chopped mission figs for chopped Calymyrna figs, would that be the end of the world? Would people know? Would people point and laugh, and make sport of me?
And Dog the Bounty Hunter’s real name is Duane? Huh. I thought he was doing time in that Mexican prison Jack Bauer was held in. What’s he doing going to luncheons?
Does this mean blacks will consider Dog Chapman’s brother to be the first black bounty hunter?
So, being related to someone who isn’t a racist makes you not a racist too! What a wonderful world.
Bill Clinton is black? Is Hillary black too? What about Huckabee? Is “black” some sort of hipster slang for Arkansan?
In that case, would Arkansan be the new black? I don’t really see that taking off…
Arkansan Sabbath
Back in Arkansas
Once you go to Arkansas, you never come back.
Actually, that last one may not be far off.
best post title evah
I regret to inform you that simply by reading that paragraph you lost 20 I.Q. points. So sue me.
I only read the first sentence, then lost interest. Does that count? Will there be a class action thingy going on?
“President Clinton’s brother Roger was caught on police video saying that word repeatedly, yet blacks consider Bill Clinton the first black president”
Umm, huh?
Well, Bistroist, the was the band Black Oak Arkansas. This doesn’t prove a connection between black and Arkansan. This is central to my point.
ahem s/b “There was the band” . . .
I plead fever and cold medicine. And vick’s vaporub fumes.
A guest of honor will be Senator McCain; Duane “Dog” Chapman will be another special guest. This one may be a sellout.
Don’t you love it when they write their own snark?
Perhaps we should drop CORE a note and suggest they also invite Macaca. He’d fit right in with the rest of the lineup, and he’s not too busy to show up.
Other guest speakers to be announced for this year’s annual Some Of My Best Friends luncheon include Kramer, George Allen, and former ESPN heavyweight Rusty Limpballs.
I’m kind of tired of people saying “He’s not a racist, he just says and/or does things that hurt black people solely because they are black”
It’s surprising how much white people buy that argument.
I’m the designated racism/sexism/homophobia police at my workplace. It cuts it way down when people know there’s someone there who will call them out on it.
yet blacks consider Bill Clinton the first black president.
See, this is a key phrase for me that marks the speaker as maybe not neccessarily an out-and-out racist, but at the very least completely clueless on the whole racial question and by-god determined to remain that way.
I know someone called Clinton something like “the first black/African-American president” but that doesn’t really mean all black people agree. That’s just friggin’ stupid, man.
Not only that, Matt T, but the underlying premise that blacks should have held the alleged sins of his brother against Clinton.
Jennifer,
I don’t know if the Clinton comparison is to tar Bill with Roger’s dumbassery so much as it’s the standard-ranch “But Clinton did it too!” magic words that wingnuts like this dippy Colon person seem to be convinced should instantly silence any argument from liberals because we all worship Clinton. It’s kind of like that Bugs Bunny cartoon with that vampire and Bugs says “hocus pocus” or “abra kadabra” and the vampire changes shape, and we’re supposed to be the vampire and agree with them because Clinton’s brother’s a dumbass redneck.
You don’t really think this Colon person really gives a flying fuck what black people think about Clinton, his impact on African-Americans, or, frankly, anything, do you?
No, you’re right…she just comes off as an incredibly sloppy writer. Which means sloppy thinker.
Well, Bistroist, the was the band Black Oak Arkansas.
Actually, under Bistoist’s premise, that would be “Arkansas Oak Arkansas”…
mikey
White people are dumb.
Exhibit A …
White people.
The white male is the Jew of Liberal Fascism.
Exhibit A …
Lampshade made of human skin.
Exhibit B
Mean liberals ridiculing Jonah’s book.
And lo, it came to pass that the sins of the brother were visited upon the, uh, other brother.
President Clinton’s brother Roger was caught on police video saying that word repeatedly, yet blacks consider Bill Clinton the first black president.
Roger is an idiot racist; therefore, Bill is also an idiot racist.
Oh! It all makes complete senseless now.
DIP. SH*T.
Take a look at this:
http://www.hawaiitribune-herald.com/articles/2007/03/07/local_news/local02.prt
Makes me feel sorry for them, actually.
I have this aunt who got strung out on brown tar heroin and kited a bunch of checks and is serving out a seven year sentence for all that stuff.
Does that mean I’m a check-kiting heroin addict?
‘Cause that would be, well, kind of weird.
Or does it only apply to brothers?
mikey
Alicia Colon…how appropriate.
Colon: an organ generally full of shit that occasionally noisily expels hot air that few find appealing.
Think about it. The Liberal Fascists have pursued their program against the white male to the point where white males are prohibited by law from marrying each other in most states!
And the liberal fascists will try to tell there is no discrimination against the white male!
Shameless!
I can’t believe no one’s mentioned Dog’s mullet. It’s epic.
The fact is, liberals are faggots.
& conservatives are closeted self loathing perverts. fuck off
So if I call her Alicia Cobag, she won’t mind?
The bottom line is, Gary is right, liberals are faggots.
Liberals are a bunch of treasonous islamo-fascist sympithizers.
The bottom line is, g-bear is a butt-pirate.
Think about it. The Liberal Fascists have pursued their program against the white male to the point where white males are prohibited by law from marrying each other in most states!
I thank the Goddess of Consquences that I live in Massachusetts, where white males can marry each other, but the straight ones have better sense than to enter into a lifetime commitment where neither partner has the faintest idea where the other one might have left his keys, or his socks, or his car.
“Dog” could care less about the effects of his commments. All he’s sweating is the loss of the sweet deal he had for that stupid show. I liked Field’s take on the matter (http://field-negro.blogspot.com/) asking A&E to rehire him; “we’re tired of hearing about how much he likes black people”.
Saul-o-rooter, Actually I’m a snuggle pirate. But then you’re too obsessed with plumbing to know anything about affection.
Some say the Garden of Eden was in Missouri.
It’s central to my point and may bear repeating in subsequent threads.
I guess the Lord must live in New York City.
You’ve got a point there.
*snuggles gbear*
Awww, thanks ped. I’m heading out shopping so if gbear shows up tonight he’s a fake. I seem to have struck a nerve with a troll.
“Racists do not belong to churches where the pastor is a black man, nor do they have them as friends.”
I tried having a church as a friend, once, but it wasn’t very snuggly, and eventually I lost interest.
The fact is, conservatives are child molesters.
You see, a real black man like Snoop Dog, or me or Farakon have talked the talk and walked the walk.
But not Barack the magic negro who lives by the sea, they call him that because he’s black but not authentic me.
Exclusive! Photo of Mitt Romney with MLK surfaces. Take that, Mitt h8rs!
comments in this thread split my sides open.
bahahaha. If I was a relative, I’d give him a scrapbook of pix of himself for Christmas.
Did somebody mention sloppy seconds?!?!1
Tim (the other one) said,
I can’t believe no one’s mentioned Dog’s mullet. It’s epic.
He looks in the mirror and sees Brock Samson. The rest of us see Deputy Dawg.
As noted, the saddest thing about CORE is that it was once a mighty, progressive organization. Look up the name James Farmer sometime, if you’re not already familiar with him.
Innis, like Marty Peretz and Norm Poddy, took over a once vital tool and turned it to shit.
I don’t know jack shit about Dog the Bounty hunter, and I don’t want to.
But what is it about these people? It seems this has a kind of odd continuim:
1) Random jerk says something racist.
2) Racists defend random jerk
3) Some racists happen to be Conservative
4) Racist defense gets transmitted through Conservative circles
5) Conservatives defend random jerk.
6) Random jerk becomes Conservative standard-bearer
Funny how they embrace these asshole, just because they achieve something as noble as putting a public face on their own assholism.
I mean – Rodney King was a regular guy with his own personal problems, but even though it was good that LAPD’s brutality was brought to light, no one on the left ever decided to turn Rodney into a Mandela-figure.
Although, to be fair, Rodney’s “Can’t we all get along?” has a certain elegant poignant human appeal to it that puts Dog the Bounty Hunter to shame.
Y’know, g, you might have hit on an important difference. On the right, when they do or say something intolerable or unacceptable, they all close ranks in order to defend the indefensible. Which is ultimately the reason for this and other websites.
On the left, when one of our own says something disgusting or unacceptable, we don’t actually excommunicate them, but we don’t let it stand. So they say we cannot stay “on message” and the left is always a “circular firing squad” when in fact all we are doing is being consistent in our beliefs….
mikey
“When the chairman of the Congress of Racial Equality, Roy Innis, invited me to join him at a luncheon with Dog the Bounty Hunter, I was slightly puzzled.”
I have to say, honestly, that I never, in my wildest dreams, could have conceived this scenario as even theoretically possible. That’s, “iffy left-over Chinese food-induced bad dream” territory.
“He looks in the mirror and sees Brock Samson.”
http://www.adultswim.com/video/?episodeID=8a25c39214ff52ed0114ffa049ca0099
I have a question: how will the strident, shrill politics here get anyone elected? Maybe you should tone it down a bit.
concerned, let me amp it up a bit.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Your stupid bullshit post doesn’t make any goddam sense. For one, when people go to the polls, they aren’t voting based on what I post here at Sadly No.
So why the fuck do the “strident, shrill politics here” have any fucking thing to do with any candidate running for office?
And for Two – Fuck Off. You’re a concern-troll.
I have a question: how will the strident, shrill politics here get anyone elected? Maybe you should tone it down a bit.
I have an answer: Kiss my ass.
Oh, thanks “concerned” for your concern–you very sweet concern troll.
When the Republicans (Bush, Cheney, et. al.) are tried, convicted, and condemned for their mass murder (over one million Iraqis), then maybe, just maybe, we can “tone it down”.
How are you sleeping?
Torture, kidnapping, and war crimes don’t concern you?
What a mumbly-fuck!
That is actually a really good point Mikey. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard people in “Progressive” circles bemoan the fact that “we just aren’t as organized as the right wing”, or “why won’t liberals/leftists/peace people stay on message”?
Whenever someone says that, I always want to rebut with, “We do that because we are less a group of authoritarian followers than the right wing”. We shouldn’t despair over the way we are. Its just that instead of constantly noticing the ways we are weak compared to the right wing, we ought to notice the ways in which we are stronger. They are real and important.
People don’t have to act in lockstep in order to be effective. Look at the movement against the war in Vietnam. Whatever you think about that movement, you have to admit it eventually acheived its goal. And, it had everything from rebelling soldiers, to violent anarchists, to pacifist hippies, to old leftists, to conservatives. Different aspects of that movement focussed on totally separate aims, ignored each other, or even tried to act against each other . There wasn’t much good communication at all. Yet, they ultimately succeeded.
Hey, where’d everybody go?
Mikey, you didn’t tell us what’s for dinner!
I had a very ripe camembert fried gently in butter and spread lightly on toasted sour-dough bread.
Maybe my lecturing scared ’em off?
jelly bellies. And Christmas Hershey kisses. And booze.
Hey, everyone. Light those candles for ZK. His family is bringing him home today.
I have a question: how will the strident, shrill politics here get anyone elected?
I have a question: How can you look in the mirror every morning and not vomit?
Electing people? Can we start with a primary challenge to that ten-pound bag of disappointment in a five-pound speaker, Pelosi?
Even in the very phone call that brought him down, the only thing he was concerned about was the effect such a scandal might have on his career. Then he turns around and expects everyone to take his apologies seriously.
You’d think our society had finally reached a point where we screen out the racists when we give TV shows to convicted murderers.
Hey, everyone. Light those candles for ZK. His family is bringing him home today.
Who’s ZK? The abbreviation is causing me to draw a blank.
Well, now that there’s some confirmation that Mitt wasn’t talking straight out of his butt for a change, the very small number of liberals who heard of the MLK thing will stop saying he lied.
Just like those nice, polite, honest sincere conservatives did when it turned out that Al Gore never said he invented the Internet and he actually did have a lot to do with funding its development.
Oh, wait. Maybe there is a slight difference …
I have a question, too: How do eating or defecating, both of which I’m sure you all do several times a day, help get Democrats elected? Maybe you should stop so you can concentrate 100% of your efforts on the presidential race. And don’t even get me started on that utter waste of HOURS a day known as sleep.
Way OT-
I’m listening to a radio program about whacked out obscure christmas song and they kicked off a set with a snippet from the Mexican Santa Claus movie that we talked about many threads ago. Lucifer is telling one of his minions that he must not let Santa foil him again in his mission to make all of earth’s children evil, or Luifer shall force the minion to eat chocolate ice cream! OMG. I must have this movie.
The radio program was npr’s Sound Opinions christmas show. HIGHLY recommended and streamable on line.
I wonder if God found his copy of the movie yet?
It’s Saturday, a new day, and we Jonah junkies are jonesing for our daily dose of Jenius. In the meantime, a report from the South Florida front in the War on Christmas.
From the Miami Herald (12/22/07).
I strongly disagree with anyone stealing the baby Jesus from a nativity scene, unless they provide a suitable replacement.
I suggest a black baby doll.
Maybe baby Jesus would have had better luck as an adult if he’d had a plexiglass screen and extra insurance back then.
Who’s ZK?
Ted, ZK is a 16 year old kid I know who’s in a coma and his parents are finally taking him home today to care for him there.
Is this Ted from Topanga?
Can we start with a primary challenge to that ten-pound bag of disappointment in a five-pound speaker, Pelosi?
Cindy Sheehan is already on it.
& could use our $$$
Light those candles for ZK.
g I will include him (and his family) in my offering tonight.
J-
Wait until Ms. Cellini starts getting photos from Baby Jesus in Maui and Venice…
But DocAmazing, nothing can get through (or over) plexiglass. Nothing!
I don’t know where there might be a nativity scene around here, but I’d be all over an op to bag the baby jesus.
Send photos to the Merc News with it holding todays newspaper, hooded tangos with Akas and pistols behind him.
Allowing a secretive Red Cross mission to validate his current well being.
Finally, in an act so depraved as to cause consternation throughout the jihadi community, toss it off an overpass in the dead of night as a protest against the “bad faith” negotiations.
Yep. I might be the only one laughing, but I’m in. All the way in…
mikey
When I read that Miami Herald article this morning, mikey, I thought, “You all didn’t safeguard the Baby Jesus. You just upped the ante. Made the game a little more challenging.”
Cool thing, J, is all you’re playing with is a stinking vandalism misdemeanor or maybe a petty theft. You can go at it hammer and tongs, and worst case is a smirk and a fine…
mikey
Hang on…John McCain, a legitimate pretender to the GOP nomination, will sit on a dais not only with Roy “Tom” Innis, (and his anti-black crimes go back much farther than Bob Grant…Innis was a regular on the Mort Downey Jr show) but with Duane “Ho Dog” Chapman?
Oh man, I see a drunken brawl in our future!
Well, to Dog’s credit, he didn’t call her “nappy headed”…/snark
I think a good “Colon cleansing” is in order!
mikey said,
(Minor depravities detailed above)
Finally, in an act so depraved as to cause consternation throughout the jihadi community, toss it off an overpass in the dead of night as a protest against the “bad faith” negotiations.
Yep. I might be the only one laughing, but I’m in. All the way in…
I think we should include waterboarding, and perhaps a grainy video where the doll (with a gun to his head) reads a prepared confession of his crimes.
….
More Nativity Fun!
Story 1: My wife bought the kids a PlayMobile nativity scene to play with this holiday season. We had lots of fun with it, replacing the worshiping figures with Bionicles and Rakshnee (see your 6-year-old for details).
Story 2: We’re currently house shopping, and two of the occupied homes we viewed had little Nativity scenes set up inside the house. No, I did not steal their L’il Jesuses, I’m not that big of an asshole. However, in both houses I did turn all the figures in the Nativity scenes around so they appeared to be shunning the Holey Infant. I wonder how long it took them to notice?