I rule

Hey Henley: I scored a 35 on RS’ Almost-Impossible Rock Quiz. This means I’m lamer and older than you are, despite being only 28.

Feel free to take the quiz yrself, kids. It’s more fun than you think.


Comments: 99


I also scored 35. Maybe it is the automatic minimum if you get the pig nuts question right.


Me toos with the 35.


50! I’m either brilliant or pathetic. Or both.

Smiling Mortician

Nope. The 35 isn’t automatic. I got a 29, in response to which the Quizlord labels me “whiz.” I’m trying not to think about what that means. In my own defense, I am old and crotchety enough that the last couple decades were pure guesswork.

Johnny Coelacanth

Only 28 for me. If only there had been more questions about obscure 90s indie rock bands. I am sad.


39 and I thought that was pretty sad.


27, which is my age minus 30. I think their question about “what time does Robert Smith arrive” was wrong–they don’t correct for PST adjusted against Chicago time.

What do I win?


48, cobagz!


Plus I guessed at almost everything post-Beatles. Amazingly, I guessed correctly on the Steven Segal/Tupac Shakur multiple-part question!


33 – No, *I’m* old.

Hell, I’m ancient. And here I was h-h-hopin’ I’d-d-die before I got old…


I didn’t see anything on the first page that I could’ve answered. I looked at the answers, and I think there were two answers that I knew.

That either means I suck, or I rock.


32 – Whiz, and I guessed at a lot. Although, I would say, “informed guesses.”

Unlike Bradrocket, I don’t think I’m too young, I think I’m too old. ABritney Spears question? Puhlease.


Also 35.

I’m 44, so I didn’t know shit about 1990s or 2000s (except for Sonic Youth, and they weren’t mentioned). Nearly aced the 60s, 70s, and 80s stuff.

I started listening to jazz in ’93 and have never looked back, so I don’t give a fuck about what passes for “rock” these days.

Incontinentia Buttocks



Fluffybunnyfeet: No, I’m ancient. I knew the Iseley Bros.’ first names. And that “Martha” was Paul’s sheepdog.


I got a 35. Like g, I did very well with informed guesses.

Shouldn’t we have an open thread on the Colts-Patriots game?


35 here, too. Should I be scared or dating one or all of you heathen libruls?


I got a 40. I’m 38.

Qetesh the Abyssinian

Wally, I got 26, and all but probably 2 of them were guesses. Mind you, if there’d been more English stuff and less American stuff, I think I’d have done better.

F’rinstance, I know that Marc Bolan’s initial compatriot in Tyrannosaurus Rex was Steve Peregrine Took. Then he dumped the DFH, shortened the name to T Rex, and went off like a Roman candle.

And I’m still singing “Gums of Brixton” to myself.


Just turned 46 and only got 28. Guessed alot


I got 32. I blame the shittiness of pop music.


I got the official S,N! 35.
I also guessed about 2/3rds of the time.


I got a 34, with a lot of guessing. I might have gotten 2 more is I had dug out Abbey Road and Zep4, but as I was born in the 50’s, I was pretty clueless on the later stuff.


46, I guess 20 years of subscribing had to count for something.


Ahem. I am old: 23

Didn’t know much about the new people, which was 2/3 of them 🙂


Just to demonstrate what a nerd I am: I got both the Sloop John B and the Tupac/Seagal questions correct.


36… I’m just sad I wasn’t able to get the all 5 of the questions in the “Tupac or Seagal” question right…


My score plus my age equals 79. I’d like to claim that I’m a knowledgable 20-something, but I’m actually a somewhat clueless 50-something, especially about music after the Carter Administration.



Suprised me. I thought I’d get a negative 10, unless all the questions were about the Grateful Dead, punk rock, and Led Zeppelin.

P.S. I probably got the Led Zeppelin question wrong anyways.

Smiling Mortician

I knew the Iseley Bros.’ first names. And that “Martha” was Paul’s sheepdog.

Me too, MzNicky. Reminds me of that scene in Parenthood:

“I’m too young to be a grandmother! I was at Woodstock, for chrissake! I peed in a field!”

“Hey, I was at Woodstock.”

“Oh, yeah? I thought you looked familiar!”


I hit 34. Dylan threw me off. Which some would say he’s very skilled at.


Well, I’m 21 and I only knew the answer of one question for sure. Score: 16.

…must be a freedom-hater.


I got a 37 and am certifiably decrepit.

Any rock quiz that includes a question about DeBarge should be ignored. I didn’t check the answers.


35, guessing my way through.


It worse than Gramps Henley thinks. The total possible correct answers is 71, not 58. So when RS dubs you ‘Whiz’ I’m thinkin’ they mean as in urine.

BTW, if you fix yourself a 10 score (or something near) you’ll get dubbed, ‘Apprentice: But still smarter than Bush.


The change back from Daylight savings time sucks. It feels like time for a drink, but it’s too early.


37 and I guessed about 80% of them.


Well, I knew that Björn Ulvaeus and Agnetha Fältskog were the proud bearers of the only two Umlauts in all of ABBA.

Surely that must count for SOMETHING…

Score: 39 (Whiz!)
Age: 40 (Old Fart!)


37.  I expected much lower.


I’m not even gonna try; all I’ve ever listened to is jazz after I escaped the benighted MBFE I grew up in. At home there were exactly 3 radio stations: old fart quezy music, country & western, and the worst possible bubblegum pop. My first car didn’t have a radio, and considering where I lived, I really didn’t mind.

Smiling Mortician

So when RS dubs you ‘Whiz’ I’m thinkin’ they mean as in urine.

Thanks a lot, Cap’n. I really was trying not to think of it that way.

It feels like time for a drink, but it’s too early.

Nonsense, g! I’m on my second Hendricks martini. If you hurry, you can catch up.


That was a hell of a game.
If the Celts fulfill their promise this year bradrocket might end up needing an intervention.


36 right, 27 y.o. about in the SN ballpark, it seems.


32, lots of guesses. I’m old but the 90s are my fav music period so I did best on those questions. I don’t think any of that qualifies me as a Whiz, realistically. Some of the questions from the 70s I used to know the answers to, but I’ve forgotten them. That’s sad!

Now one of the songs I hate the most in all the world is going through my head. Sloop John B. How I LOATHE that song, largely because it goes through my head endlessly. Kokomo is almost as bad.


Somehow I got a 27 by guessing my ass off. Huh.


37, lotsa guesswork, born b/4 Elvis was popular, didn’t check answers, when will RS realize the difference between Rock ‘n’ Roll & pop music?
As I like to say in any music related event, virtually no good music (or much of anything else “good” in the cultural production vein) has occurred since around 1984.
Sympathies extended to Hoosier X, as a Raiders fan (Hey, no good football from them since about 1984 either, but black & silver are a good color combo) I should despise the Pats, but Peyton Manning is an ugly cracker-sounding doofus & I want his corporate shill ass & face off my tee vee screen, so I’m glad they lost.


45 with about 50% guesses. Not only am I old, but I’m bald and fat, too.

When I looked at the answers, the “Hotel with a troublemaker next door” multi-part question was marked in red, presumably meaning I was marked wrong, but all of the answers were the ones I had picked. (Since I’ve long owned copies of “Hotel California”, “Morrison Hotel”, and “Grateful Dead From the Mars Hotel”, it wasn’t a guess.) Looks like the scoring mechanism is off.

It’s Florida 2000 all over again!!!!1!


OK, I noticed two things:

1. Apparently punk rock didn’t exist, ever.
2. I really liked the Cure question in the 1990s, but technically the answer isn’t ’90s at all.


Djur, R. Stone’s idea of punk is Green Day. Wasn’t there a combined Ramones/Sex Potatoes question too? (That was it though.)


Smiling Mortician: O yes, great scene from “Parenthood.” One of my favorite movies, which I hate to admit cuz it’s pretty lame, but also pretty funny.


This quiz could have easily been titled: Rolling Stone’s Look at us, we’re so clever! quiz and apparently the definition of rock n’ roll has gotten a lot more fluid since I last checked (TuPac? Spears? Wha?) but …

34, though I had to pull my Led Zep albums to answer one. Also, for some reason my answer to 7 didn’t take. I wuz robbed!

And now I have “Pictures of Lillie” stuck in my head.


Score: 40
Age: 41
Corporate magazines still suck.


Score: 29

Which is bad enough, but I got the question about ‘Yes’ right, which is pretty disturbing. It has been nearly thirty years since I bought and listened to the execrable album in question, and I still remember…


29. I scored 29. I got the rune question right. And the 10:15 arrival question. And the sheepdog question. It was almost 99% guesswork. I’d have done better with a Talking Heads question or three.

I am a whiz, if ever a whiz there was, but I am gonna hold out for being a Cheez Whiz. I can has Cheez, yes?


30, but those questions are idiotic.


I scored a 31, and I’ll be 55 Nov. 19th…bitches….


I had to pull my Led Zep albums to answer one.

Hey! That’s cheating. [grumble mumble] No one told me it was an open-book test.


Cripes, only 30 points, and I read that stupid magazine for close to 20 years too, starting in college and ending about 5 years ago. I think my highlight was remembering that Dan Aykroyd was in the USA for Africa thing.

Some of that stuff I’ve never, ever even heard of, like “Sloop John B,” or that question about troublemaking neighbors in a list of hotels and motels.


31 points, 28 years old. Too much hippie shit.


42 at 34. I need to get out more, or go deaf.


Score: 29, Age: 25.
I got question #12 right, but I think the quiz-maker got it wrong. I read that the person in question was not an actress, but a vaudevillian and had the same first name as the “correct answer”, but was not listed among the choices.

Ah. Here we are.

Johnny Coelacanth

‘virtually no good music (or much of anything else “good” in the cultural production vein) has occurred since around 1984.”

Oh, come on. You can’t really believe that. I know that de gustibus is supposed to be non disputandum and all that but really. What about U2’s The Joshua Tree? Nothing’s Shocking by Jane’s Addiction? Appetite for Destruction; one of the best debut albums in the history of Rock and Roll? Sonic Youth’s Daydream Nation? And those are just the obvious ones. I could list two or three dozen more exemplary albums, songs and artists, but I don’t want to be a pedantic arse. I guess I’m just shocked that anyone could think that. =>)


41. And yes, the Robert Smith answer is off–they do adjust for the time zones, but they went in the wrong direction. 10:15 would be the right answer if he were taking a train to Halifax or San Juan, but I don’t think Amtrak goes to either of those.


Well, Fish Who Hid for Millions of Yrs., I’m partly just enjoying making sweepingly absurd statements, partly bemoaning the depression & anhedonia I’ve been subject to for some time (I barely even like telebision any more) & partly correct. U2? Please. Jangly college rock. Jane’s Addiction? If you didn’t much like Led Zep, you won’t give a shit about Jane’s Add. (Did used to see a girl @ B-B-Qs named Jane who was identified to me as the one w/ the addiction.) Appetite for Destruction? Izzat Guns & Hoses? Sunset Strip Hair Farmers. Sonic Youth are pretty good, but how many of their albuns do you need to have or hear?

I’ve been an R’n’R fan since just before the Beatles. I was advised by a parental unit, @ the age of eight, that no rock ‘n’ roll was desired on the new GE STEREO RADIO (W/ detachable speakers, huge deal for the era!) so you can bet that I immediately sought it out & enjoyed it. So maybe 30 plus yrs.of listening to it, and believing that late ’70s punk put R&R out of its misery, has just dulled me out. Plus contrarianism, purism, snobism, & a pseudo-intellectual bent that makes me a fan of good, especially funny/sarcastic/satirical lyrics limits my appreciation of the pre-digested horse-crap shoved up the ass of the American public. And don’t even get me started on the English!!


I got 37. Right in the sweet spot between “hopelessly out of touch with my culture” and “no life.” I rule!


Actually make that approx. 45 yrs. of R&R being the soundtrack of my life. But there’re only so many possible two & three chord combos, & I’ve heard every one I ever want to already. Twice.

Johnny Coelacanth

“good, especially funny/sarcastic/satirical lyrics”

I hereby offer that “Take the Skinheads Bowling” by Camper Van Beethoven is one of the funniest rock songs ever written. “This is Just a Modern Rock Song” by Belle And Sebastian is also smart and funny. See also “Watusi Rodeo” by Guadalcanal Diary. And if you can dismiss The Joshua Tree as jangly college rock, I submit you’ve never listened to it.


I got 32 and I’m 44, but I was known in my Rock radio DJ days as being the station trivia wiz. The problem, of course, is that I lean toward the more experimental, progressive and avant garde and/or British. I couldn’t conceivably care less about Bob Dylan, Tom Petty or The Strokes if they were sports teams.

So, yes, I got both the Yes question and the Public Enemy one. The fact that there were even questions on Britney and the Backstreet Boys does say alot about what a sad, out of touch rag Rolling Stone is, though.


Bouffant’s line in the sand being 1984, “Watusi Rodeo” proves nothing. “Take the Skinheads Bowling” counts, in 1985. All hail nostalgia.


I’m sure I knew some idiot back in the day who had The Joshua Tree, but if I did hear it it left no impression. Maybe my point is that I heard all the bands & acts that influenced the bands that influenced U2, etc It just gets too watered down, there’s too much genetic drift, the mind & body turn to all the jazz, reggae, country, blues, soul, R&B, old skool, symphony & chamber music one has missed or ignored over the years. Most of which sucked post 1984 as well.
“What a drag it is getting old…”


It may be that more people can make music now than ever before, and it should simply be restricted to the motivated. As Beat Happening noted, anyone can make music, but not everyone should.

It’s hard to believe that this decade is any better or worse than others I’ve lived through music-wise. I recall cut-out bins with vast amounts of singer-songwriter whining, or disco, or new wave, or hair-metal, what have you. I do miss top 40 radio however: There will be no more novelty hits in North America because of the segregated nature of radio here.


32. Probably not very valid results. I guessed a lot of the answers.

Qetesh the Abyssinian

M. Bouffant, vis a vis the depression, try taking fish oil. I’ve started taking it and it’s relieved some of the worst of the depression.

As for music post-80s, you might consider checking out Massive Attack, an English group who’ve made a massive impact on music, at least in the UK and Oz. Their music has been used all about the place, and I think they did a soundtrack for the Luc Besson – Jet Li film Danny The Dog, which was released in the US/Oz as Unleashed (perhaps because the distributors thought Americans and Aussies are too damn stupid and might think it was a kid’s film).

I think my favourite of theirs is Karmacoma, probably because it samples an otherwise unobtainable track from one of my favourite movies, and has a great video.

I also like Angel and Inertia Creeps, for different reasons. Massive have a good hypnotic feel in most of their music, although not all of it.


I got 35 at 28. Could RS be any less deserving of their status as media gatekeeper to the land of cool? “Uh, yeah, throw a Britney question in there, since we’ve spent the last decade telling people she’s important for some reason or another. What? Black Flag? CBGB? Talking Heads? Never heard of ’em.”

a different mikey

I got a 32 only because I got most of the ones before Bouffant’s line in the sand.

Still as so many have pointed out RS totally eats, who cares what they think. I knew I was an old hippy already.


The scandal is the Billy Joel question. He and Wenner are pals so Joel’s shithead music makes it into any top whatever list RS comes up with.


I hereby offer that “Take the Skinheads Bowling” by Camper Van Beethoven is one of the funniest rock songs ever written.

I’ll see your offer and raise you every song on The Dead Milkmen’s Beelzebubba.

Since we’re on the subject of music I will take five seconds to prostelytize for Pandora:

Check it out.

Prostelytizing, done.

Johnny Coelacanth

“my point is that I heard all the bands & acts that influenced the bands that influenced U2, etc It just gets too watered down, there’s too much genetic drift”

That I completely understand and sympathize with. It’s why I can’t listen to mainstream rock radio anymore, because everything sounds like it’s been done before, and better, by somebody else. “You damn kids think Greenday is classic rock. Get offa my lawn!”

But thanks to Morning Becomes Eclectic and Pandora (right on, arky), I’m still finding lots of new music to love.

And sure, The Dead Milkmen are funny, but for me, nothing beats the sheer goofy exuberance of Take The Skinheads Bowling.


36, and I missed the pig nuts question. Maybe it’s because I got the Isley Brothers right.


Anyone who thinks that no good music has been made in the last 20 years is a lazy sod who doesn’t even really care about music to begin with. And why, oh why, would someone pull out tripe like U2’s pathwetiv attempt at Americana or the execrably dumb an inept Guns and Roses as points against?

Pure Reason Revolution, Radiohead, Mr Bungle, Squarepusher, Discipline, Pulp, Eleven, The Pharcyde, Talk Talk, Prefab Sprout, Jellyfish, Prince, DJ Shadow, Orbital, The Mars Volta, Sparks, Mew, Baby Bird, The Divine Comedy, Momus, Sondre Lerche, M83, Archive, Kula Shaker, The Pharcyde, The Herbalizer, Amon Tobin, FSOL, Echolyn, Supergrass, The Lilac Time, Aesop Rock, Tool, Metallica, David Holmes, Goldfrapp, Handsome Boy Modeling School, Mike Patton, Rufus Wainwright, Adam F, Suede, Portishead, Björk, Jeff Buckley, Kevin Gilbert, David Sylvian, Porcupine Tree, Funkdoobiest, Stan Ridgway, XTC, A Tribe Called Quest, It’s Immaterial, The Blue Nile, Yello, The The, Barry Adamson, Nick Cave, The Smiths, Muse, Scritti Politti, Jaga Jazzist, Doves, Biffy Clyro, Devin Townsend, Lovage, Propellerheads, Big Elf, Crime in Choir, The Cooper Temple Clause, Oceansize…

And that’s just the tip of the damned iceberg. If you can’t find anything in the above to delight and inspire you, you may be clinically dead.



Oh, me and my typos. Pathwetiv = pathetic, of course.


Scritti Politti??

OK, [snerk] sorry. [Ahem]

I wouldn’t say there’s been a dearth of good pop/rock music in the past 20 but I do say there has been very less and less original pop/rock music released in the past 20. (See: The Evil Corporate Music Production Industry Machine.)

I think the genre has reached its limits but that doesn’t make it bad, it just means you can’t get me to believe Grunge is significantly different from Punk.

Johnny Coelacanth

“And why, oh why, would someone pull out tripe like U2’s pathwetiv attempt at Americana or the execrably dumb an inept Guns and Roses as points against?”

Because my taste in music is admittedly lowbrow and fuck you, that’s why.


Scritti Politti??

I will defend Scritti Politti. There’s a lot more to them than initially meets the ear (assuming you’ve only heard the Arif Mardin-type stuff).



I got a 25, mostly accidentally.

Now if this were Pitchfork instead of Rolling Stone, I’d have aced this baby so hard.



But any “Rock Quiz” that contains questions about Britney and Backstreet Boys is immediately suspect.


Guns N Roses?@?!?@




Bonus excellence: I got the Yes question wrong.

Qetesh the Abyssinian

Why has no-one mentioned They Might Be Giants yet? Who can forget the glory of Birdhouse In Your Soul or Istanbul (not Constantinople)?

They’re kind of Devo-like, except without the snarky politics (I luuurrrve Devo and all they do).


Got a 44. I’m both old and lame, baby!


I got a 34. I guessed on a bunch of them.

RE: music sucking – I think every generation of musicians borrows from and builds on what previous generations have done. So if you’ve been around a while, new bands start to sound familiar and unoriginal.


37 at age 36.


If you don’t hear that Green Gartside is a tremendously skilled songwriter, you don’t really listen to what actually goes on in music (but don’t worry – most people don’t). There’s a reason Miles Davis covered Perfect Way, and it’s not that it was a slick dance tune.

And, yeah, Talk Talk, Jaga Jazzist, Mew and Squarepusher – to name but four on that list – all sound familiar and unoriginal. Please. Not that the statement isn’t true when it comes to pure ol’ Rock n Roll, because those tropes and clichés have been driven into the ground from constant overexposure and their inherently very limited scope. Not really surprising considering the fact that ambition, innovation and pretention have been actively derided in popular music since the mid to late 70s.

Move out of the fetid swamp of Rock n Roll and you will find great music all over the place.


44. But I am So. Very. Old.

Woulda been higher, but I shit the bed on Britney’s #1 hit, and the fates of the four antagonists from Sloop John B.


Teaflax, that is the funniest and most spot on parody of a music snob I’ve ever seen. Bravo!


34. Just under my age (38), which seems about right. I aced the 80’s & 90’s.


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