I suspect they were all written by Dougie. I did recognize about half of them. Besides, your mind isn’t nearly warped enough to come up with this nonsense. If it is, you and your loved ones have my sympathies.

Giles — a, c, e, g and i

(Because I’m guessing you wouldn’t take the time to really scramble them.)

I’m going to say that c, e , g ,h, and i are Douggie.

That’s easy. All of them. No one mangles metaphors or strangles similes like Giles.

That’s easy. All of them. No one mangles metaphors or strangles similes like Giles.

I know A is Genuine Giles, because World O’ Crap had an extended riff on that particular debauching of the language.

Oh, and probably the one about Joan Rivers’ elbows, just because it’s so….yukky.

Giles: a, c, e, f and h.

I worry about whoever thought up the others.

I have a question of my own, regarding Doug Giles:
What’s his problem-a really tiny penis, or repressed homosexual desires? I’m sure it’s one or the other. Discuss.

Bill S; I vote c – All of the above.

As to the quotes, I too have to say they’re all 100% genuine. That or our host is an alarmingly accurate impressionist.

I think Seb made up “b” and “g” because they sound just a little too loony to not be parodies — but I’m not going to put any money on it. As a famous sage said, “Nobody ever made money overestimating the sanity of the Townhall pundit.”

I’m guessing all of the above. Now, I hope that a quiz like this isn’t just a way to avoid having to do any creative work. You can just tell us that you’re concocting fake answers, but, considering the mentality of the wingnuts, you’d never have to make up any quotes.

Just wanted to say that I used to attend Doug’s “Church” several years ago… he is exactly as much of an egomaniac as you would imagine.

…by the way, “Douglas” is his middle name. His first name? Leslie. Honest.

I can relate with Gadfly—I too am a former member of Doug’s church. I will say that Doug is a terribly (take the pun or leave it) gifted man. Unfortunately, he hasn’t come to realize that God doesn’t give a damn about your “gifts.” Without character ministers are nothing but self promoting windbags. But Doug is hell bent on being “successful” and probably still has a faithful few that will continue to enable him on his “all about me ministry.” Loved the quiz.

I was a longtime member of one of Doug’s churches and a member of his “inner circle”,and for all his talk, I know from first hand expericence that the only god he truly worships is himself and he will squash anyone who gets in his way.

For all of Leslie’s talk about raising up warriors for Christ; the only people he attracts are fawning sycophants who have a need to be subserviant to a master who will dominate them.

A random bunch of nothing!

Because a single long post about something would be too hard. First, this: Every day people write to us and say: “Sadly, your blog is totally popular and has all the hot chicks from the internets chasing you. Rumors of…

i was also a member of this loser’s church for 5 years (1994-1999)….the only way I could describe Leslie….”armchair warrior”….I heard a lot of big talk (“6 campuses in 3 years”,”I’m believing God for 2 million souls”,”I’d rather be preaching in Overtown with bullets flying by my head”…even though he never had the balls to actually set foot in Overtown because I was driving out there and offered him chances to come with me)…. and absolutely no action…..after 20 years of “pastoring”..he has still never had anyone stay with him and accomplish anything for the kingdom….

btw……for all of Doug’s bashing of “metrosexuals”…one of the first things he ever did when he moved to Miami….he spent hundreds of dollars to fly his hairdresser from Lubbock to give him a nice pretty boy haircut (February 1996)….seriously!!!! Also would never accept a ride if you didn’t have air conditioning in your car beacuse he didn’t want to get his nice clothes dirty….

while pledging to Christians that were sending him money…”I’ll use you $ wisely for the kingdom”…

Armchair warrior

someone who has never served in the military, but who rah-rahs a war when it is broadcast on TV from his armchair while swilling beer. He thinks it is all a game to watch and he buys items (like T-shirts) that celebrate the war and are sold by oily corporate yuppies who want to make a few bucks off a national wave of “patriotism”. Armchair warriors call that “supporting the troops” but do not think at all about the dangers inherent in war and do not want to lift a finger to help returning veterans get rehabilitation or treatment for their disabilities. They just want to see the modern day TV gladiators “kick some ass” for their amusement. They are SMFs.
Senator Bonehead voted for the war. He never served in the Armed Forces, he claimed that all the “minorities” and “little people” were doing the job for him. Every night he goes home and watches the news to see how many enemy combatants are killed. He cheers the U.S. forces on for “kicking ass” while chugging down his beer. He is a prime example of an armchair warrior.

Armchair spiritual warrior
Someone who never does much of anything to reach lost souls or goes out of his way to help anyone in need or has any clue what it really takes to practically help lost people (or people in need) but someone who “calls down the principalities and powers over his city” who preaches rah-rah sermons every Sunday about “changing the world”, ”I have a big vision”, “this is gonna be the year that we harvest lost souls” (even though he was preaching the exact same thing in 1992 in Texas with the same results as always……0), “I have a big destiny”,”I’d rather be preaching in Overtown with bullets flying by my head!!!”(fyi…that was funny btw), “we are a generation destined to shake nations” while living in his luxury condo, watching TV and swilling beer..….someone who when He does do something (usually because someone in his church is actually out in the world trying to reach the lost and allows the armchair warrior to tag along)….pulls out the trumpet and says “look at me…look at me…look at what I’m doing…look at what a warrior I am” and calls up TV directors and says “do stories about me”, “let the whole world see what a warrior I am” (Matthew 6:1-4)…..someone who lives a life of total ease…refusing to work and yet is infuriated when someone in his church (who has faithfully served him for 5 to 9 years….as well as given him thousands of dollars) starts to enjoy their life or get a life of their own…(ie ostracizing a young couple who had been married for 4 years for getting pregnant with their first child because he knew they may leave his church or not have as much $ to give to the “kingdom” (ie his pocket))….“none of you guys should ever get married…..whiny women will drag you down”,”you single guys and gals can start finding your spouses and starting families once this ministry takes off and we have a huge church (which will never happen)…..someone who will spend hundreds of dollars to fly his hairdresser to Miami for a haircut while preaching a “revolutionary” message of self-sacrifice and “taking up your cross” for Jesus (and telling Christians “I’ll use your $ wisely for the kingdom”)….someone who will spends thousands of dollars (while he is living off of other Christians’ $) on hunting trips and snazzy clothes yet will throw a tantrum when someone in his church invests $80 a month of their own $ (that they actually earned) to learn mixed martial arts just so they can defend/protect themselves (because they actually do work in a dangerous environment and everyday face the possibility of violence and have actually been in several riot and life threatening situations and actually do drive into dangerous neighborhoods to minister to people)…..someone who will throw a fit and order “rebuke sessions” for missing one meeting (meetings which mean nothing and accomplish nothing ) to people who actually have to work for a living (sometimes 70 hours a week) while he lounges around Aventura all day long (because those people’s jobs are paying his bills)….someone who gives special treatment and says “hey come on over and do a stogie” to his movie/cigar buddy brownnosers (because they are little yes men who never stand up to him as well as never step out and try to do anything) while bashing and belittling 15 and 16 year old kids who’ve only been saved for 2 months because they slouch on the back row or question something the armchair warrior says…..(ie yelling at Gillan for saying hi to a homeless kid during worship….very classy)…. as well as mocking people who actually are trying to reach lost and hurting people and then later jumping on the bandwagon when fruit starts to come in (“Oh yeah, I had your back the whole time”)……he is a prime example of an Armchair spiritual warrior….

evan eisenberg wrote:

Bushido: The Way of the Armchair Warrior

Knowledge is not important. The armchair warrior strives to attain a state beyond knowledge, a state of deep, non-knowing connection to the universe: in particular, to that portion of the universe which is rich, powerful, or related to him by blood.
The unenlightened speak of “failures of intelligence.” But the armchair warrior knows that “intelligence”—the effort of the mind to observe facts, apply reason, and reach conclusions about what is true and what ought to be done—is a delusion, making the mind turn in circles like an ass hitched to a mill. The armchair warrior feels in his hara, or gut, what ought to be done. He is like a warhorse that races into battle, pulling behind him the chariot of logic and evidence. When the people see the magnificent heedlessness of his charge, they cannot help but be carried along.
The warrior spirit resides in the hara. It is this spirit, and not any deed, that is the mark of the true warrior. Thus, a man who has avoided military service may be a greater and braver warrior than a man who has served his country in battle, sustained grave wounds, performed “heroic” deeds, and been honored with clanking, showy medals pinned to his garment.
Because human beings are prone to illusion, the sounds and sights of battle—the groans of the wounded, the maimed bodies of one’s comrades—may remain in the mind for many years, like a cloud that confuses judgment. Hence, a man who has fought on the battlefield and has later risen to high office may be fearful of leading his people to war. Such weakness does not afflict the armchair warrior, who at all times is firm in his resolve.
The armchair warrior does not fear death, especially not the death of other people.
The unenlightened mind is easily swayed by pictures. Since it fails to grasp that life and death are illusions, the sight of the flag-draped remains of those slain by the enemy may make it susceptible to weakness and feelings of pity. Therefore, the armchair warrior does not let the people see such images, except in settings that can be properly controlled, such as his own campaign advertisements.
Luxury is the enemy of Bushido. It saps the strength of the people and makes them weak and complacent. Therefore, the armchair warrior strives to take wealth away from the poor and the middle classes and give it to the wealthy, who are already so weakened that they are beyond help.
So-called wise men complain that the armchair warrior is producing “deficits,” emptying the coffers of the state and sinking it ever deeper into indebtedness to usurers and foreign moneylenders. In their “wisdom,” these so-called wise men are like the scholar who came to speak with Nan-in. Pretending to ask a question, the scholar flaunted his learning for ten minutes while Nan-in, attending politely, brewed a pot of tea. When the master filled the scholar’s cup, he kept pouring until the tea overflowed the cup, ran onto the table, and dripped to the floor, forming a great puddle.

The scholar, astonished, asked the meaning of Nan-in’s action. “The mind is like this cup,” said Nan-in. “If you do not empty yourself, how can you expect to be filled?” The coffers of the state, too, are like the cup. If they are not frequently emptied, how can they be filled? Thus, the warrior takes it upon himself to empty the coffers of the state into the pockets of his friends, his relations, and other members of his class. Knowing well the corrupting power of luxury, he distributes these treasures with reluctance. They are accepted with equal reluctance. Yet not one among his fellows shirks his duty.
The Chinese word for “crisis” combines the characters for “danger” and “opportunity.” For the armchair warrior, the significance of this is clear. Every crisis is an opportunity, and the lack of crisis poses a grave danger. In crisis, the people turn to the warrior for guidance. Hence, if a crisis has not occurred, the warrior creates one. If a crisis is subsiding, the warrior inflames it. The seventy-third hexagram of the I Ching is interpreted as follows: “When smoke fills the people’s eyes, they can be led anywhere.”
Once, a group of travellers were on a perilous journey, in the course of which they had to cross a river. Unluckily, their guide forgot the location of the bridge, so the party had to ford the river, which, at the place they then found themselves, was shallow but very wide. After several minutes of wading through the icy water, the travellers began to grumble, “This guide is worthless! Let us abandon him and find another!” Sensing the discontent of his charges, the guide cleverly led them into a deeper part of the river, where the current was stronger and the footing more treacherous. “Help us!” the travellers cried. “Esteemed guide, do not abandon us!”
The unenlightened believe it to be the height of felicity to have no enemies. The armchair warrior knows, however, that only a steady supply of enemies can assure him the loyalty of his friends. When so-called wise men warn him that in rashly slaughtering his enemies he is merely manufacturing more of them, he smiles. ?

A FAVORITE SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE SKIT (with some editing)

Grayson-Moorhead Securities

Arthur Grayson…..Jim Downey

[SUPER: “Grayson Moorhead Investments”]

[Open on Arthur Grayson, sitting behind a desk in an opulent office]

Arthur Grayson: On Wall Street, there are different types of investors, just as there are different types of investment firms to cater to their needs.

[graph shown of ten-year investment rising over time]

Some seek aggressive capital appreciation, combined with short-term emerging market gains.

[graph shown of a different ten-year investment rising over time]

Others prefer a value-driven model balanced by steady dividend growth.

[back to Grayson]

And each strategy, we suppose, has its place. But at Grayson Moorhead, we take a somewhat different approach.

[graph shown of ten-year investment quickly sinking to zero; back to Grayson]

You see, in choosing stocks for investment, we at Grayson Moorhead have never followed the conventional Wall Street wisdom — all the business about price to earnings ratios and dividend payout rates, or return on common equity. To us, it’s something intangible: a feeling in the gut; a tingle at the back of the neck; a voice whispering in the ear that says, “These are important companies doing important things.” We want our clients to be a part of it. Companies like:

[Company portfolios are shown]

Crocodile Dundee Smoked Dingo Sausage. Excelsior She-Male Escort Services. The President Lyndon B. Johnson Commemorative Wristwatch Company. Goliath Extra-Large Cellular Phones. Rosie Magazine. Gloria Vanderbilt Jeans for Men. Enron. And Doug Giles’s His People Miami Christian Church/Clash Ministries.

[Grayson sits by the fire]

Most of these companies are now bankrupt. Others have been exposed as fronts for a variety of criminal enterprises. Every single one of them has lost staggering amounts of money for our investors. But at Grayson Moorhead, we have always felt — and we like to think our clients would agree – that when you lose your life savings because you believed in something greater than yourself, you haven’t really lost it all. For when it comes to investing, there are more important things than making money. If you don’t understand that, maybe we’re not the company for you.

[He turns towards the fire, settling into his chair]

Announcer: Grayson Moorhead. Losing our clients’ money with dignity and pride since 1926.

DOUG GILES IS A WARRIOR!!!! He trained in Tae Kwon Doe for 2 years in Lubbock before moving to Miami…I learned my fetal fighting techniques from Doug and I used those when I fought in UFC 2 in 1994.
I’ve also deveoped my own product line of fetal fighting products that has made me a wealthy man….Thanks, Doug!!!!

http://www.ettishfetalfighting.com

Fetal Fighting Products

Videos

Volume 1 “Fetal Basics”

(Note all tapes are approx. 1hr. long due to the fact that GM Ettish had to be constantly revived during production)

In this ten tape volume GM Ettish will show you the in’s and out’s of this lethal style.

Tape one:

Obtaining the fetal postion. Ettish goes over everything from

dropping right in to the fetal position to taking punch to the

face and falling semi-unconcious into the fetal position.

Vol1fb Tape 1 $45.00

Tape two:

Defending the fetal postion. Once you have gotten the fetal

position you must learn to properly defend it

Vol1fb Tape 2 $45.00

Tape three thru six:

Passing the fetal postion. A position as dangerous as the fetal

position has to be dealt with very carefully. Ettish has found it

necessary to produce three separate tapes dedicated to dealing

with passing your opponents fetal position safely

Vol1fb Tapes 3-6 $75.00

Tape seven:

Takedowns and the clinch. No opponent in his right mind is

going to let you just have the fetal position. Most of the time

you will have to struggle for it. The Grandmaster will show you

mysterious throws and thought provoking take-downs that in

some circles are thought to have been the ancient seed that has

grown to be freestyle wrestling.

Vol1fbTape 7 $45.00

Tape eight:

Fight psychology In this tape you will learn the techniques that

other instructors wont teach or don’t even know. Such as how

to make your opponent fell sory for you and guilty for hurting you.

Vol1fbTape 8 $45.00

Tape nine:

Fake outs and reversals In this tape you will learn such groundbeaking

manuvers such as the fake-out leg kick from ten feet away. Also you will

learn such awsome fight stoppers such as yelling “I HAVE A GUN!!”

and how to call the police from anywhere in the USA.

Vol1fbTape 9 $45.00

Tape ten:

First aid and CPR In most fights that involve fetal fighters (even sparring)

there will be blood, and people getting knocked out. This tape will teach

you how to stop the bleeding, because sometimes wiping the blood on the

mat just doesn’t do the job. It also teaches you to revive your sparring partner

from unconciousness because time spent knocked out is time you could be

practicing.

Vol1fbTape 10 $45.00

***As an added bonus buy all ten and recieve Street Fetal Fighting free!!!***

Street Fetal Fighting

Here you will learn the the Fetal techniques that are efective on the street

and the differences between Sport Fetal Fighting and reality Fetal Fighting.

STFF $45.00

Ettish in Action

This tape is NOT for the weak of heart. This is a bold venture into the gritty

world of no holds barred fighting, street fights, riots, and just about anywhere

else grandmaster Ettish has decided to test his skills. See Ettish defeat some of

the most skillful S.A.F.T.A. and A.S.A.X fighters the world has ever seen!

See Ettish use his deadly fetal position against multiple attackers in the infamous

Los Angeles riots! This a must have!

EIA1 $45.00

Coming soon

Ettish In Action 2

And

Advanced Fetal Fighting (Yellow to Black)

35 tape series from Panther Video

Books

Disabling any adversary from the fetal position By Grandmaster Frederick P. Ettish (147p $19.00)

Most people think of the fetal position as being in a dis-advantage, in this book

Grandmaster Ettish teaches you that when you are in the fetal position the fight

is far from over, in fact it has only just begun.

He will go over in great detail the following:

1) The ancient origins of fetal position fighting

2) The importance of the raised single fist defense.

3) How to feint your opponent with early leg kicks (even when your opponent is not in striking range.)

4) How to trick your opponent into over confidence by getting yourself beaten up, choked, and tapped

out, so you can unleash one of the many deadly fetal submissions.

There is also a whole chapter dedicated to teaching you the do’s and donts’ of “passing” the fetal position.

This book is a valuable tool for the beginner to the advanced fetal practitioner.

Fetal techniques also will compliment any form of martial arts.

Ettish (147p $19.00) Stock#223321

Address Not Found

Iceweasel can’t find the server at http://www.ettishfetalfighting.com.

Fuck you WordPress!

Simba, stick a .8m before the .com.

http://www.ettishfetalfighting.8m.com/products.htm

10 signs for spotting a sociopath
#1) Sociopaths are charming. Sociopaths have high charisma and tend to attract a following just because people want to be around them. They have a “glow” about them that attracts people who typically seek guidance or direction. They often appear to be sexy or have a strong sexual attraction. Not all sexy people are sociopaths, obviously, but watch out for over-the-top sexual appetites and weird fetishes.

#2) Sociopaths are more spontaneous and intense than other people. They tend to do bizarre, sometimes erratic things that most regular people wouldn’t do. They are unbound by normal social contracts. Their behavior often seems irrational or extremely risky.

#3) Sociopaths are incapable of feeling shame, guilt or remorse. Their brains simply lack the circuitry to process such emotions. This allows them to betray people, threaten people or harm people without giving it a second thought. They pursue any action that serves their own self interest even if it seriously harms others. This is why you will find many very “successful” sociopaths in high levels of government, in any nation.

#4) Sociopaths invent outrageous lies about their experiences. They wildly exaggerate things to the point of absurdity, but when they describe it to you in a storytelling format, for some reason it sounds believable at the time.

#5) Sociopaths seek to dominate others and “win” at all costs. They hate to lose any argument or fight and will viciously defend their web of lies, even to the point of logical absurdity.

#6) Sociopaths tend to be highly intelligent, but they use their brainpower to deceive others rather than empower them. Their high IQs often makes them dangerous. This is why many of the best-known serial killers who successfully evaded law enforcement were sociopaths.

#7) Sociopaths are incapable of love and are entirely self-serving. They may feign love or compassion in order to get what they want, but they don’t actually FEEL love in the way that you or I do.

#8) Sociopaths speak poetically. They are master wordsmiths, able to deliver a running “stream of consciousness” monologue that is both intriguing and hypnotic. They are expert storytellers and even poets. As a great example of this in action, watch this interview of Charles Manson on YouTube.

#9) Sociopaths never apologize. They are never wrong. They never feel guilt. They can never apologize. Even if shown proof that they were wrong, they will refuse to apologize and instead go on the attack.

#10) Sociopaths are delusional and literally believe that what they say becomes truth merely because they say it! Charles Manson, the sociopathic murderer, is famous for saying, “I’ve never killed anyone! I don’t need to kill anyone! I THINK it! I have it HERE! (Pointing to his temple.) I don’t need to live in this physical realm

Here is the video of my fight with Mark Kerr:

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/10086003/mark_kerr_vs_greg_stott/

Shizzo Hizzo Wizzo My Nizzo!!!!