Ét tu, NewsMax?
Posted on December 14th, 2006 by Travis G.
The War on Christmas continues apace, fellers. Our special forces have infiltrated the NewsMax advertising department and pulled off quite a caper, by secularizing their offensive religious ads and blaspheming Ronald Reagan:
Even more fiendishly, our special ops somehow managed to mark up all the items in the Reagan Collection to three, and sometimes four, times higher than what even the Franklin Mint charges, thus depriving such important programs as Generation Joshua from some much-needed funding.
This has nothing to do with anything, really, but it’s emblematic of a particular, and frankly hilarious, worldview:
Why would the liberal media deny us the pleasures of the Lambada?
I’m assuming if the ‘liberal media’ doesn’t want them to know these ‘attraction secrets’, they involve
1) Guns
2) Blackmail
3) Prostitution
4) All of the above.
Isn’t Reagan dead? That’s really creepy.
1) Guns
2) Blackmail
3) Prostitution
4) All of the above.
GHB – The magic secret that drives women wild!
Coercive Date Rape – 10 secrets that will turn NO! into no?
Massage Parlors – How to tell if she’ll give you a local
Lonely? – It’s never too late to try on your mom’s underpants!
Shoot, I could make a fortune at this…
mikey
Whetstone: So is this Holiday at Ronnie’s?
Liberal Secret #1: Lose 90 pounds and get a job.
Liberal Secret #2: …well, that’s actually all of them.
Oddly, only the framed pictures are obscenely over-priced.
http://www.newshounds.us/2006/12/14/we_still_get_mail.php For a hoot, read the third guy’s list of grievances. Take a shot every time he bitches about something that is not in Federal Jurisdiction.
You know, I used to think teaching US Government in High School was silly; now I realize that the curriculum is not strict enough.
Celebrate the Holidays with Ronald Raygun?
“Not only will his mouldering corpse be a hot topic of conversation around the Wassail bowl, but the scent of decomposition will fill your household and remind you of this Holiday for years (or until you replace the carpet)”
1) Guns
2) Blackmail
3) Prostitution
4) All of the above.
Just for the record (no pun intended), I’m against all of these things. Here’s proof I’m against 3) Prostitution:
You’re Not the Kind of Ho (That Santa Had in Mind)
Dr. BLT
words and music by Dr. BLT (c) 2005, 2006
http://www.drblt.net/music/hosong.mp3
Here’s proof I’m against 1) guns (I’m fighting the war on Christmas, not with guns or bombs, but with music, my weapon of mass construction):
Best Buy Inn
Dr. BLT
words and music by Dr. BLT (c) 2005, 2006
http://www.drblt.net/music/BestBI.mp3
and if anyone questions the unequivocal notion that I’m against blackmail, I’ll come back and pimp my songs under every one of these blog entries.
BTW, does Brad still work here? I think he was the big Beatles fan, or was it Gavin? Anyway, check out my recent interview with the Quarrymen, the band that gave birth to the Beatles:
http://www.tollbooth.org
Ho Ho Ho! I’ll see you in ‘late ’07 or early ’08.
Happy Ronaldmas, y’all!
If anyone were to celebrate anything with Ronald Reagan, he would have to be dead.
I think Grandpa Simpson wrote that 3rd letter at News Hounds.
“Dear Mr. President:
There are too many states. Please eliminate three. I am not a crank.”
I’m not sure I would want Zombie Reagan at my Christmas party. Nothing creepier than an old zombie shambling about the room while you’re trying to enjoy your eggnog.
Personally, I’d love to use Reagan’s corpse as a holiday ornament. Maybe get onea them spooky ass sex toy real dolls and set it up behind the corpse, goin’ at the Gipper hard. (Can’t decide whether a female doll with a strap-on or a male doll would be more festive, tho.)
As an aside, I saw the Violent Femmes perform the day Reagan died, and yes, they played Old Mother Reagan. Twere boootiful.
Liberal media hiding forbidden attraction secrets? Finally, Liberals can repudiate our reputations as depraved horndogs and be seen as the protectors of traditional sexual morality we truly are. Not like those filthy people at NewsMax.
“Men, do you hate rejection by women?”
What I really hate is rejection by the bio-engineered second head implanted on my left shoulder, but fortunately the immune-suppression drugs are beginning to kick in now.
Are they asking people to commit suicide to be with Ronnie, because honestly that’s the first thing that came to mind.
Where are the Bush-CheneyChristmassy products? The gun that shoots people in the face and terrorizes canned wildlife, war paraphenalia, and incomprehensible speeches on tape.
Christmas With Reagan
Sounds like a great long lost punk comp album.
MEN: DO YOU WANT TO LEARN HOW TO BE A RAPIST? WITH NOTHING MORE THAN A PAPERCLIP YOU TOO CAN SUBDUE A WOMAN USING OUR SUPERSECRET TECHNIQUES!!!
I only celebrate Arbor Day with Ronald Reagan.
Celebrate the Holidays with Reagan:
Grecian (Formula) is the Reason for the Season.
If you wanted to celebrate with reagan, you might want to exhume a few bodies from a few mass graves in guatemala. you might find some folk there (short, mayan in language) who might want to have a few words with zombie reagan.
and all in the privacy of your own home!
TC: i’m pretty sure SST released “CHristmas with Reagan” in 1982, and it featured Jodie Foster’s Army, The Angry Samoans, The Meat Puppets, and a Black Flag side project. though i could be wrong.
Celebrate the Holidays with Reagan:
Grecian (Formula) is the Reason for the Season.
Amuse your friends with the Ronald Reagan Dribble Glass.
Why would the liberal media deny us the pleasures of the Lambada?
Not satisfied with controlling the media, the left now wants to control the animal kingdom using its forbidden attraction secrets.
“Are they asking people to commit suicide to be with Ronnie, because honestly that’s the first thing that came to mind.”
And god willing they’ll follow through!
I had zombie Ronnie at my holiday party last year. It was good clean fun until he decided to start eating brains. And killing nuns. Still, it ranks above the time the ghost of Nixon haunted my birthday.
Smoke ’em if ya got ’em.
Discover Forbidden Attraction Secrets the Liberal Media Does Not Want You To Know
Darn it, they’ve found out about the Spotted Owl Scent Gland Musk and the Carbon Dioxide Hair Volumizer!
Dude I totally want to party with RR.
There’s this death thing that might pose a bit of a problem.
This is how you celebrate with Ronald Reagan.
A weekend with Ronnie?
I smell a movie!!
Side note from the War on Christmas… Check out the “The Gift of the Magi,” by O. Reilly. Truly inspired.
HolidaySSSSS.
Check the pics, the first is Christmas, the second is New Years. I didn’t read the comments, if this has been mentioned, congrats, you’re smarter than Travis.