Two-Minute Townhall


Her head spinnin’ and my head spinnin’, mine from juice and gin and hers from neck and Chenin.

Shorter Michael Medved: Advocates for gay marriage say it would encourage homosexuals to be monogamous, but why hasn’t it worked for heterosexuals? Wait – that’s not what I meant! Homosexuals think they’re better than you!

Shorter Roger Schlesinger: Quit screwing around and go buy yourself a home for the holidays.

Shorter Mike S. Adams: One of my young Sigma Chi brothers got in trouble for violating university policies, but those policies are bullshit, man – bullshit!

Shorter Austin Bay: We can win the war in Iraq much the same way Reagan won the Cold War.

Shorter Paul Greenberg: Oh, the times we had back at the copy desk…

Shorter John Stossel: The most generous Americans are the God-fearing, salt-of-earth working poor, who are also more authentically American – from the east coast to the west coast, down the Dixie Highway back home.

Shorter Walter E. Williams: Did you hear that Milton Friedman has died?

Shorter Ben Shapiro: We must embrace paranoia and bloodlust to eliminate fundamentalist Islam.

Shorter Kathleen Parker: Southerners prefer their politicians to be authentically racist, like George Allen, instead of phonies like Joe Biden.

Shorter Michelle Malkin: Gwyneth Paltrow, like most liberal elitists, cherishes nothing more than the right to flounce around Europe and New York City, trashing our way of life.

Shorter Terence Jeffrey: Since Arabs seem inclined to elect anti-American leaders, we need a Plan B in spreading democracy throught the Middle East.

Shorter Linda Chavez: President Bush may have screwed up Iraq, but his courts are a marvel to behold.

Shorter Brent Bozell III: Although I support ethnically profiling airline passengers, it completely creeped me out when a black man and an obvious Muslim didn’t act surprised when they were ethnically profiled before our flight.

Shorter Tony Blankley: Barack Obama might make a fine presidential nominee – that is, if Hillary’s goons don’t finish him off him first.

Shorter Rich Galen: Criticism by some of John Bolton’s colleagues lacks credibility, because they’re from poor countries in areas wracked by genocides that they could’ve stopped if they weren’t so busy criticizing John Bolton.

Shorter Jacob Sullum: As a libertarian, I welcome technologies that permit families to protect themselves, if they wish, from the scourge of Janet Jackson’s breast and Cher’s mouth.

Shorter Dennis Prager: America was founded on Judeo-Christian principles because those are what has made America great.


Comments: 14


Shorter shorter Prager: Especially the Xtianist principles.


Ok Travis, you actually suckered me into reading Kathleen Parker, and comments:

jdw writes: Wednesday, December, 06, 2006 2:18 PM

..and another thing
Flagwaver said:
“The enslaved had their cultures diluted, their religions banned, their women raped, and their families broken up…all for a monetary profit. Is that a good thing?”

It must be a good thing; it’s happening to MY people now. My culture has been diluted, Christianity is being banned, white women are being raped, the divorce rate and “single-motherhood” is far higher than it was 50 years ago. All for monetary profit.

That’s some high test winge nuttery.


I can’t wait until another Democrat gets into the White House. Then when Malkin and her ilk trash the Democratic president, we can call them anti-American. That’s gonna be awesome.

Oh, and Mike S. Adams is getting soft. He didn’t even make up any stories about how he intimidated some imaginary liberals this week. Pussy.


Here’s how the party announcement began:

OMG RACIST officially invites you to this delightful gaiety in honor of the last day of October, held in the exquisite metropolis paradise that we affectionately refer to as the mother-f*cking ghetto, aka the hood or as I like to call it, the hiv pit.

For some reason, Dr. Mike admitting he’s from one of those racist fraternities you only ever hear stories about doesn’t shock me at all.


Shorter jdw from the Kathleen Parker comments: Not being allowed to own slaves is … is … is just like SLAVERY!!!!!1!


D. Aristo, I’d think shorter jdw: MANDINGO!!one11!


Shorter Shorter Brent Bozell: Just like Annie Jacobsen, I too had suspicious-looking brown guys on my plane. Where’s my book deal?


ITTDGY, why’ntcha peep them comments to Ben Shapiro’s column. Yowzah.


Michael Medved: Wow. Just wow. This guy seems to be saying that because marriage has been such a disaster among straights in recent years, considering the divorce rates, gays shouldn’t be allowed to get married. He actually cites Britney Spears and K-Fed and their meltdown as some sort of support for this.

I’m sorry, I just have to quote this in full:

Yet these same gay rights activists continue to claim that the same institution that has failed to uplift or preserve the relationships of so many heterosexuals, will work magically to enrich the lives of gays. The assumption behind these contradictory arguments seems to be that homosexual relationships are somehow inherently more worthy, conscious, generous, mature and capable of refinement by marital institutions than their unthinking, straight equivalents.

How fucking stupid can a guy be and still get paid for his words? If he wants to find a difference between straight and gay relationships, one would be that idiots like Britney and Kennyboy can get married at will after just bumping into each other. But I and the man I’ve joined my life to for nearly 31 years cannot.

He’s saying that since straights can’t keep their marriages together, gays shouldn’t even be allowed to try. Wow. Just wow.


I think I may not have been paying attention. What’s the origin of the “we eat our peas with honey” thing? I find it funny, but I can’t make out why.


It’s from a poem by Edward Lear, about a guy who eats his peas with honey on a spoon.


Another shorter Brent Bozell: OMG! I’ve soiled myself! That proves we’re all in danger! (It’s an early warning system, folks.)


I heard the phrase “peas with honey” in a short poem:

I eat my peas with honey
I’ve done it all my life
They do taste kind of funny
But it keeps them on the knife.

I’m paraphrasing. I think there might have been some dialect in the poem, but I’m not sure exactly what. It sounds like Edward Lear, but I can’t recall a precise attribution — I ran across it in a book of funny poems. They weren’t all Lear.


Arrgh! Teh STUPID! It BURNS!!!!!!

The nonworking poor — people on welfare — are very different, even though they have the same income. The nonworking poor don’t give much at all.

So people who are essentially RECEIVING charity should give part of it to others? Wouldn’t it be smarter for them to devote ALL of their income to improving themselves with the ultimate goal of getting off welfare? That way when they donate to charity, they’ll be donating money they actually earned instead of donating what somebody else gave them.


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