Update on the War Against Mole-o-Fascism

Demogenes Aristophanes is a bloody genius who should blog more often. Witness:

We have always been at war with the Mole Man.

Fortunately, we have just the team to defeat him:

Donald “Mr. Fantastic� Rumsfeld … watch him stretch our troops too thin!

Condi “The Invisible Girl� Rice … she disappears whenever there’s a crisis!

Dick “The Thing� Cheney … under that rocky exterior is a heart of stone!

George “The Human Torch� Bush … he’ll throw gasoline onto every fire!

Heh. Read the whole thing.

Uhm. Oh. That was the whole thing. Well, read it again.


Comments: 20


Superman defeated the Mole Men years ago. There must be Neo-Mole Men by now.


If they’d sell the rights to Toho, we could get Mecha-Mole men.


You know I have to, now. The Hollow Earthers are robots. Called Deros. Just like Jillian said. No mole men.

Dammit, why can’t people keep their nutbarism straight? This and the whole black/blue helicopter thing, sheesh. Pay attention!


I did get quite a laugh one day when I was walking in Boston. Hearing noise overhead, I looked up and saw a black helicopter that said “UNITED NATIONS” on it. Seriously.

My first thought was, “You gotta be kidding me!” My second was, “They really might wanna repaint that thing.”


Art imitates…um… Sadly, No?

Saul of the Mole Men is a live action show created by Craig Lewis, writer on The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy and Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends. The series is set to air in 2006 on Adult Swim. Described as “An ultra-patriotic Land of the Lost set in the center of the Earth.” The series is directed by Tom Stern, and stars Josh Gardner.

Or not…


Sen. Santorum: Secretary Rumsfeld, can you tells us just what the Pentagon is doing to protect us from this Mole-Man-Menace?

Secretary Rumsfeld: Is the Mole-Man a Menace? Sure. Does he live underground? Yes. Do we know where? Of course. Do we have contingency plans for dealing with him? Undoubtedly. Are those plans known to those who need to know and unknown to those who do not need to know and known unknows to the Mole-Man Menace? Certainly.

Sen. Santorum: Thank you Mr. Secretary. Now, what is the Pentagon’s role in preventing the Mole-Man-Woman Marriage Threat, and God forbid the Mole-Man-Man Marriage Threat, to the traditional family?

Secretary Rumsfeld: My God, you’re crazier than I am.


They’re fine and decent people, Stuart, but they have no idea what the molemen are doing to the soil!


Next – PROOF John “Wants Galactus To Enslave Earth” Kerry was FOR construction of the Ultimate Nullifier before he was AGAINST it.


But what about Prince Namor? He’s the one who wants to marry our women! Or at least Sue Storm! Will no one stop Prince Namor?


Strength … fading … resolve not to blog … diminishing … got … to … think … must … fight … renewed urge to blog … if only … I can … last … a little longer …


Galactus doesn’t want to enslave the Earth. He wants to eat it. And besides, Kerry’s probably more of a Thanos type of guy, Democrats being the “party of Death” and all.

Bonus geek points to those who get that reference.


Thanos with the Heart of the Universe or without? Important distinction, you know.


I heard Kerry got a Purple Heart for a self-inflicted wound in the Kree-Skrull War.


I knew Silver Surfer. Silver Surfer was a good friend of mine. Pat Robertson is no Silver Surfer.


Pat Robertson is definitely more Terrax than Silver Surfer.


Ugh, that was beautiful.


Ugh, that was beautiful.


And JFTR, Pat Robertson is clearly the Beyonder.


If they’d sell the rights to Toho, we could get Mecha-Mole men.

Wouldn’t make them transhuma…er…transMole-manists? And would they have a Perfesser Concob analogue leading them?

Herr Doktor Bimler

And if they lead a pastoral, nomadic life-style as mole herders, they are practicing ‘transhumance’. Remember that word; it might come up one day in a Scrabble game.


If I were to place the current occupant of the Oval Office into the Marvel Universe, clearly he’d have to be the Hate Monger. Oh, look–I just Godwined the thread!


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