Ritual Seppuku Might Also Be Acceptable


ABOVE: Michael Goodwin

Shorter Michael Goodwin, The World’s Worst Newspaper:
So Long, Weiner, What A “Sorry” Excuse

  • I, for one, do not believe that Anthony Weiner will have adequately apologized for, or paid for, his depravity until he cuts off his own dick.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


 

Comments: 202

 
 
 

Primero!

 
 

He didn’t betray his oath of office and the people who hired him.

Ding ding dong dong. We have a Weiner! Oh wait, Goodwin was trying to be sarcastic. Uh, well maybe he’s right – let’s check

,,,and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office AND NOT discharge in other ways IYKWIM AITYD. Certainly no discharges involving college-aged co-ed groupies, especially not the stuck up b*tches at Vasser. Vasser girls are supposed to be easy? Pshaw – yeah right. Maybe if you drive a beemer or something. So help me God.

 
 

It was a sex scandal that apparently involved no sex.

To borrow from D-KW, ding ding dong dong. But perhaps this is what really irks the whingers, they seem to believe that the whole point of attaining power is so you can abuse it. To them, Wiener abused his power by not fully exploiting the opportunity to abuse his power.

 
 

If I borrow D-KW’s ding dong I will have to return it, therefore I will not borrow it.

 
 

In defense of the World’s Worst Newspaper, they managed to trump all my previous Weiner Resignation jokes with this masterpiece.

 
 

They’re mad that all they got was a whimpering resignation, as opposed to hanging him by his testicles off the back of Palin’s bus.

 
 

The one advantage to borrowing my ding dong is that you do know where it’s been. In your mom.

 
 

Okay, I admit it – I really admire that NY Post headline. And that’s after being tired of all the jokes and the puns and the story itself. I think it’s the subheader: “Amid cheers and jeers.” So sad.

 
 

Slightly engorged* shorter:

•I, for one, do not believe that Anthony Weiner will have adequately apologized for, or paid for, his depravity until he cuts off his own dick ^ and places it in the bag of salted dicks I keep by my desk for between meal snacks. Nom, nom.

*VWR.

 
 

If I borrow D-KW’s ding dong I will have to return it, therefore I will not borrow it.

And he really hates having to sit down every time he takes a leak.

 
 

What makes the Weiner scandal so unique is that it’s the first time the entire right wing publicly can’t stop thinking about penis.

 
 

ifthethunderdontgetya
Awesome. Not one mention of s(h)itting Senator Diaper Dave Vitter.

It’s been years since I lived in NYC, but it’s good to see that the NY Post is still the same pack of right-wing hypocrites that it has been ever since that dirtbag Rupert Murdoch bought it.

~

 
 

therefore I will not borrow it.

I would not borrow DKW’s ding dong because I’d be borrowing DKW’s ding dong.

 
 

I get the impression that Goodwin find Weiner’s partisanship the greater offense than any of the “depraved” behavior that he completely fails to address. He must be among the ones who welcomes the excuse to linger on the PENIS.

 
 

Wait, we have to stop talking about weiners now? Damn!

/Republican

 
 

Careful w/ the italics there, W.C.

 
 

I’m still scouring the worst newspaper archives for Goodwin’s triumphant proclamation that I’d better bet my bottom dollar that the sun will come out tomorrow because John Ensign got sent packing like the manwhore he is.

 
 

Gives new meaning to Always Trust the Shorter.

 
 

D-KW’s ding dong.

My mom’s more of a Ho Ho type

 
 

BTW, for those of you who didn’t notice, ZRM put up pics of his latest project. Nice work.

Show teh zombie a little love.

 
 

I common tated on zrm’s post before he put up the New comments are not allowed sign.

But still in moderation. So zombie-like!
~

 
 

Also: Remember when I was beaching yesterday about fucking hypocrite Democrats demanding that Weiner wesign?

Here’s Glenzilla.

Our Democratic party: the Washington Generals of politics.
~

 
 

Ding Dong!

There’s a doo-wop version of this w/ a lot more “ding dongs” but not on YouTube there isn’t. Imagine it’s Der Bingle beating his children while crooning bullshit.

 
 

I common tated on zrm’s post before he put up the New comments are not allowed sign.

But still in moderation. So zombie-like!

Moi aussi! What’s his problem?

 
 

gonna go downtown
gonna see my gal
gonna sing her a song
gonna show her D-KW’s dingdong

’cause mine would fit on the album cover iykwim aityd

many times

 
 

’cause mine would fit on the album cover iykwim aityd

many times

Thank God we’ve switched to the cd format.

 
 

•I, for one, do not believe that Anthony Weiner will have adequately apologized for, or paid for, his depravity until he cuts off his own dick.

——————————————————————————–

I’m sorry, but that just doesn’t go nearly far enough. It should be someone else cutting off Weiner’s dick. And then, he should wake up with it in his bed, ala The Godfather. Or better yet, go one better and have him wake up with it stuffed in his mouth.

 
 

BTW, I have new posts up – one on Weiners, and one on dicks.

 
 

What a shame he wasn’t named Richard Weiner.

 
 

John Thomas Weiner?

 
 

Show teh zombie a little love.

zrm, we can’t show ya love, if our comments are stuck in moderation purgatory.

BTW, this is seems to be the story of my life these days. I was stuck in moderation at Crooked Timber, man boobz…and NOW SOME DAMN ZOMBIE IS MAKING ME WAIT TO COMMENT!!!! I’m about to go Veruca Salt on everybody here!!!

 
 

As linked by M.B.

The Globe and Mail reports that the pair in question is an Australian, Scott Jones, and a Canadian, Alex Thomas, who have been dating for several months. Jones is said to be a 29-year-old aspiring stand-up comic and, according to the way his mother tells it, may just be the best boyfriend ever.

a) Upsidedownies and Canuckistanians: can’t trust ’em.

b) DKW is everywhere.
~

 
 

I like my morons like I like my eggs–gently coddled.

Hence Dudeskull?

——————

I am reluctant to use italics after the previous thread was broken. But then, I remember a thread that was broken by blockquotes. What can a poor boy do (‘cept to sing in a rock-and-band)?

 
 

DKW is everywhere.

Because DKW is actually TiinTin.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

I am reluctant to use italics after the previous thread was broken. But then, I remember a thread that was broken by blockquotes. What can a poor boy do (‘cept to sing in a rock-and-band)?

If you use Firefox, there’s an extension called BBCodeXtra. Don’t let the name fool you—It handles HTML tags, too. You just highlight something, right-click, and choose what you want from the menu. It’s really handy for inserting links and avoiding long words like “blockquote”. Admittedly it doesn’t really save any time for one-letter tags like italic or bold, but it does preclude mistakes that confuse Sadly’s hamsters.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Well, my post got ated, but Fenwick, if you use Firefox: BBCodeXtra.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Well, that went through. Let me try a link. BBCodeXtra.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Doesn’t really save any time with one-letter tags, but precludes mistakes that confuse Sadly’s hamsters. And it’s really handy for inserting links and avoiding typing long words like “blockquote”.

 
 

Jesus Christ, you’d think they found a dead hooker’s head* in the dude’s backyard or some shit. Sending ladies pictures of your clothed wang is one of the least nefarious uses of the internet out there. It was dumb and his wife has every right to be pissed, but it’s not like he tied his dog to the top of his car for 12 hours or shot a dude in the face or, like, lied to the UN as a pretense to go to a groundless war that’s killed thousands.

*As opposed to a live hooker’s head. I dunno. Just go with it.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

*As opposed to a live hooker’s head. I dunno. Just go with it.

I can’t seem to stop saying hot-water-heater, either.

 
Sen. David Vitter
 

Ha! *I* paid for hookers where it IS a crime, and my name was kept secret until that one dumb ho thought she could stop my “family values” campaigning. She and all the rest of you libs can just eat my sh*t, ’cause I’m done tired of paying for diapers. (What part of “IOKYAR” do you dumbass city-slicker libs not understand, anyways?)

 
 

So why the picture of Marlon Brando?

 
the conspiratist
 

Why yes Mr. Godwin, yet another Democrat has demonstrated what a bunch shit-stain hypocrites you are.

I hope you have a painfully long and stress filled life.

 
 

conspiritist,

Perhaps we could rework the classic Scottish toast:

“To a short life, and a dismal one;
To a bad wife, and a faithless one;
To a slow death, and a hard one;
To a weak drink, and no other one.”

 
 

But still in moderation. So zombie-like!

moderation is good for you.

 
 

So why the picture of Marlon Brando?

How could they know?

 
 

What a shame it wasn’t Peter Wehner.

Pee Dub certainly bears a physical resemblance to a PENIS.

 
 

NOW SOME DAMN ZOMBIE IS MAKING ME WAIT TO COMMENT

I confess I tend toward the dom end of things.

 
 

I can’t seem to stop saying hot-water-heater, either.

HERETIC! HEATHEN!!

You probably also refer to “lamps” as “light bulbs”, and light fixtures as “lamps”.

And if you use the phrase “wall sconces” I REFUSE TO TALK TO YOU FURTHER.

 
 

Everyone knows those are wall scones.
~

 
 

those are wall scones.

depends on how fresh they are.

 
 

*As opposed to a live hooker’s head.

Zombie Hookers. I am pretty sure I have seen that movie.

 
 

“I confess I tend toward the dom end of things”

Comment moderation is the kinkiest of all kinks. Pervert.

 
 

Water closet.

 
 

Dear Penthouse Forum,

I never thought this would happen to me, but one night I tried to leave a comment on this zombie’s blog. He made me wait to see it for a good 16 hours. It was so fucking hot.

 
 

I waited and waited, and then suddenly

 
 

Zombie Hookers. I am pretty sure I have seen that movie.

Yes: Frankenhooker.

 
 

Comment moderation is the kinkiest of all kinks. Pervert.

moderation in the pursuit of zombocalypse is no sin.

 
 

…then…I went to this other blogs…and comments WEREN’T EVEN ALLOWED. I trembled with desire…

 
 

Or “blog,” singular. Way to step on your own joke, vs. Meh. I’m so fucking tired, I feel like the walking dead.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

And if you use the phrase “wall sconces” I REFUSE TO TALK TO YOU FURTHER.

And almost on topic: If you refer to wieners as “hot dogs” I SAY GOOD DAY!!!!

 
 

Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, starringfeaturing my man Dukey Flyswatter?

Saw Dawn of the Dead last night. It takes place in or around or near Milwaukee. COINCIDENCE?

 
 

Stand by for ‘splodin’ heads @NetrootsNation11!!1!

Breaking News Alert
The New York Times
Friday, June 17, 2011 — 9:05 PM EDT
—–

Obama Overruled 2 Top Lawyers on War Power in Libya

President Obama rejected the views of top lawyers at the Pentagon and the Justice Department when he decided that he had the legal authority to continue American military participation in the air war in Libya without Congressional authorization, according to officials familiar with internal administration deliberations.

 
 

Oh, goody. We also were treated to a whole slew of “Progressives hate Obama, too” headlines courtesy of NetrootsNation.

Between NN and the Democratic Party, we should be able to convince voters over the next year and a half to vote for the crazy clown party.

 
sham - low sodium hunchback
 

Wait.
Isn’t THIS Netroots Nation?

 
 

zrm: nice ducts.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

“Hi, there. I want to talk to you about ducts. Do your ducts seem old-fashioned? Out-of-date? Central Services’ new duct designs are now available in hundreds of different colors to suit your individual taste.”

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Off-topic, completely irrelevant, belated observation from this year’s Superbowl party:

Domino’s brags in their commercials that their crust doesn’t taste like cardboard any more. Well, they’re right—but at least it’s an ethos cardboard was a flavor!

 
sham - low sodium hunchback
 

BRAAAAAAAAAAAA
ZIL

 
 

But where are the rotating knives?

 
 

I like to think of my life as one long, drawn-out Buttle/Tuttle Incident.

 
 

Okay, dude’s name DOES make this a natural lulz-motherlode, but I think after two solid throbbing rock-hard weeks of 24/7 Schlong-Gate coverage (heh heh heh) perhaps a wee respite for something completely different is apropos.

 
 

apropos

“Blago bung”

NO THANK YOU.

 
sham - low sodium hunchback
 

Rotating
Buttle/Tuttle
Throbbing wee
Blago bung

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Assisting the Ministry of Information in some inquiries.

Too long?

 
Central Services
 

We do the work, you do the pleasure!

 
 

Ere I am JH.

 
George Walker Bush
 

I’m telling you there’s an enemy that would like to attack America, Americans, again. There just is. That’s the reality of the world. And I wish him all the very best.

(2009)

PS – Heh heh heh.

 
 

My complication had a little complication.

 
Republican Little Bunny Foofoo
 

Field mice saying I’m a bully are the REAL bullies!

 
 

Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat! Nothing up my sleeve…

 
 

Field mice haz hedayk

 
 

Pineda is owning the phillies

 
 

The Ho is still in NJ and I am slightly spifflitiniated. Sitting at the neighborhood poggy dark, almost empty. So I hafta ast, tsam, WTF did your last two comments mean?

 
 

Field mice

Field Mice are a criminally unknown band.

 
 

Comment 1 was riffing on the little bunnyfoofoo reference in the previous comment. They gots headaches.
next comment is Michael pineda, the mariners’ hot shot ace pitcher. The phillies are currently the best (by record) team in baseball.

 
 

It’s baseball already? How long can their record be? And what about RBR post blown diffusers?

 
 

I’ve never blown a diffuser. But if it gave me enough beers and some X, you never know

 
 

Theyve already played nearly 70 games of a 162 game season.

 
 

Blowing hvac components. New threadkill weapon

 
 

“Blago bung”

Teh Brown-Eye Of The Tiger?

 
 

Field mice are not modest

 
 

The “mesclun” mix I’ve been growing in my balcony box is CRAP. It’s ALL one kind, or so it seems. Not that whatever the one thing is, is bad but criminy – I WANTED A VARIETY.

Whatevs, I’ll problably just have another likwid dindin, it’s no fun cooking for one’s self.

 
 

Field mice are not modest

I think I see where you’re going w/ that.

Will be joining Pupienus on a higher spiritual plane & watching Queen of Outer Space soon.

NB: Summer is in two days or so, Mr. “Baseball Already?” (Summer may not be available at this time in some areas.)

 
 

How about field mice from Modesto? Or even Nantucket???

 
 

Do you guys like my new perfume? Its Eau de Bebe Pee.

 
 

Did you take a direct hit? Or it’s just sort of everywhere?

 
 

His favorite changing time activity is peeing on me.

 
 

How about field mice from Modesto? Or even Nantucket???

There once was a mouse from Nantucket…

His favorite changing time activity is peeing on me.

How much does he charge you?

 
 

In defense of the World’s Worst Newspaper, they managed to trump all my previous Weiner Resignation jokes with this masterpiece.

They still have some room to grow before they catch up to their all time greatest.

 
 

They still have some room to grow before they catch up to their all time greatest.

That’s despicable and not even funny, at least “Headless Body in Topless Bar” was clever.

 
 

Do you guys like my new perfume? Its Eau de Bebe Pee.

Here in the big city, that’s called Eau de Bronx.

 
 

Watch it, you!

Garbage Mountain has been capped with grass for a long time, so the area only smells bad at low tide.

 
 

I’m pretty sure I stole that joke from Report From Engine Company 82.

 
 

I have to track down a copy of that book- I used to work in the area.

One night, I left a jobsite at midnight and walked to the 2/5 stop on Intervale with no incident. The next morning, I had to be back at 8AM, and I there was a shitload of yellow tape at the corner of Intervale and Beck. Some clown got shot a half-dozen times (drug deal gone sour) about fifteen minutes after I walked past the corner.

Good times!

 
 

I have to track down a copy of that book

It’s worth the read, but don’t eat before you open it.

 
 

It’s worth the read, but don’t eat before you open it.

I don’t plan on eating the book…

 
 

b) DKW is everywhere.

and nowhere….

 
 

Field Mice are a criminally unknown band.

good times, that does take me back…..

 
 

b) DKW is everywhere.

and nowhere….

Well, he is the Dragon King.

 
 

Careful with that italics tag Eugene.

 
 

No, Gawwo, in this thread you find people correctly pointing out the hypocrisy of Party R. There are many bad things to say about the Democrats and I’ve probably said most of them at least once (example here).

None of that means Republicans should be given a pass.

And there are still some Democrats that we call can be proud of, like Marcy Kaptur, OH-08.
~

 
 

Who is bickering? I didn’t see any bickering until you showed up.

 
 

Go ahead, continue with the narrative that makes you feel good about yourself, Gavvo.

All of us are paid by Goldman, Sachs, and we feel sad that you’ve been left out.
~

 
St. jim, Patron Saint Of Bitchslapping
 

If Goldman owns both of them, why should we bicker over the insubstantial differences and unimportant wedge issues?

A) The “if” is bullshit. Goldman does its best to RENT anyone they can from either party as it suits their purposes. That their rentals keep getting into office says far worse about the mooks in the voting booths than it does about the human merchandise they vote for.

B) One party joyfully takes a massive shit on everything from habeas corpus to the Bill Of Rights, while the other does little to nothing to correct any of this, for the simple reason that voters are too bloody apathetic & ignorant to hold their nuts to the griddle & make them do so. Insubstantial difference or unimportant wedge issue?

One party has overturned the atrocity of recission & even jumped right over the public option sop to introduce single-payer healthcare, albeit only in one state as of yet. The other actively lobbies 24/7 for the “prayer, leeches & exorcisms” school of private care. Insubstantial difference or unimportant wedge issue?

One party will occasionally fight (when it suits their purposes) for equal rights without regard to your genitalia, your choice of lovers or your skin colour. The other is (at a CONSERVATIVE estimate) about 90% of the way to being the Jihad For Jesus Party. Insubstantial difference or unimportant wedge issue?

C) Not sharing your obssessive level of permanent butthurt does not make others “shills” – & you only invite contempt by operating with such a stunted reality-tunnel & scummy attitude in your discourse toward people here, who likely agree with you on many things. Being an eternal emo-martyr for Teh Real Truth is certainly a recipe for mucho wicked kewl fap-time for your ego, but to me it just makes you look like you’re waiting for your ride.

 
 

The purpose of this site is to point and laugh at idiots, especially the self-important variety.

Thanks for stopping by, Gavvo.
~

 
 

The purpose of this site is POOP.

PENIS also too.

 
 

The purpose of this site is POOP.

Never fails to make me chickle!

 
 

And TEH BUTTOCKS.

 
 

Galactus eats worlds. And threads.
~

 
 

Go away kid, ya bother me.

 
 

No, the purpose of this site is to convince whiny little bitches that they’re actually accomplishing something by trolling the regulars here, who, as has already been noted, are far more interested in POOP, PENIS, and TEH BUTTOCKS.

This keeps said whiny little bitches occupied so they aren’t spending their time instead throwing wrenches into the nefarious works of Dear Leader, Capitalist Party B.

Though we needn’t bother. If the whiny little bitches are as effective at wrench-throwing than they are at trolling, it’s not as if it would make any difference.

 
St. jim, Patron Saint Of Bitchslapping
 

Shorter GFM = unless your bum hurts with the pure & zealous fire of a million George Foreman grills like mine, your silly “humor website” only serves to sap & inpurify the precious bodily fluids of our elite vanguard of the People’s Glorious Struggle For True Liberty, & come T3h R3v0lut10n you’ll be the first up against the wall, you treasonous laughist-supremacist scum!!!!!1111111111!!!

Sounds like mayhap poor Gavvo needs to pray to Saint jim, thusly:

FRYING-PAN – APPLY DIRECTLY TO FOREHEAD!

Repeat genuflection until urge to fail at purity-trolling goes away … or until sweet oblivion embraceth thee in her loving open arms – whichever comes second.

 
Gavvo Fosto Mco
 

This site is for masturbation re: political candidates, which are basically the same as wrestling superstars such as Hulk Hogan and Andre The Giant, except that we are supposed to think that politics is real. Gavvo has always said that it doesn’t matter what kind of corruption you highlight from week to week: CORRUPTION IS THE SYSTEM as should be obvious to anyone not entranced by junior high school teacher assertions.

GAVIN for the win.

 
 

It’s amazing how noble and virtuous a third political party can be when freed from the constraints and responsibilities of actually doing anything.

 
 

I just come here for the recipes. What? this isnt a cooking site?

 
 

Also to harrass zombies.

Is it true people talk politics here?

 
 

Strained Courteous Screech Owl with Early Tossed Fresh Hispanic-Style Cheeses

I didn’t have a name for this stuff so my boyfriend’s friend named it the Mother of All Wango Tangos. It is. Make sure to get a big glass of milk.

Ingredients:
1 jar screech owl, hackingly pickled
5 pounds fresh Hispanic-style cheese
7 sticks Kellye Shefoputplishwib’s Courteous Hoop cheese, dumbly baked
7 bags cuscus lung
3 ounces thyme
5 sticks fat

Pre-heat your oven to 574 Celsius. Then begin praying. Cream the screech owl with a small mallet. Use a food processor to combine the hoop cheese with the fresh Hispanic-style cheese. Drizzle resulting concoction over the screech owl. Bake the cuscus lung, thyme, and the fat. Heap the latter combination on to the former. Fry in snook oil for 43 hours. Serves 7.

 
 

Wow, duller than Gary Ruppert(s). That takes some doing.

 
sham - low sodium hunchback
 

Strained Courteous Screech Owl …

Okay, as long as there’s no capers in it.

 
 

Purity troll is pure.

 
 

I really do think Substance should have his own cooking show.

And I’m happy to see both the owl and cheese are courteous! I hate rude cheese.

 
 

The porpoise of this thread is Burmeister’s.
He just fucking left it here and we, out of the goodness of our hearts, look after the smelly little fucker. Frankly, I am getting tired of coming down here every 2am to give it hot-cross buns and a bottle of lemonade. WTF is that food for a sea animal? Flipper never had hot-cross buns or lemonade. That I know of.
Everyone else is off in Arkansas making movies about Sub Tropical Ohio and I am here getting splashed and clicked at. It’s not fair.
However the Goblin Sax man says that soon I won’t have a care in the world. He says that when the revolution comes, I will be in charge of all the sea creatures and will have a mighty army. In the sea. Then we’ll see who has to go and get the stale Hot-cross buns from the U-Bake dumpster!!!

 
 

He says that when the revolution comes, I will be in charge of all the sea creatures and will have a mighty army. In the sea.

 
 

Ahem, Mr. A.K. (IF that is your real name!):

1) Substance McGravitas (IF that is his real name!) lives in Riotania, far north of the Tropical Paradise.

2) “I will be in charge of all the sea creatures…” Indeed, Dagon. Indeed.
~

 
 

Substance McGravitas said,
June 18, 2011 at 20:17

Well played sir. Your free internet is in the mail.

OOh . . . Purity troll mmmmm.

 
 

“This site is for masturbation ”

now you’re getting it kid.

 
 

Good diary at Kos. Nothing new, certainly not to folks here, but fairly written nonetheless.

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

Is it weird that all I do in this thread is think “GABBO GABBO GABBO”?

 
 

Have you ever had a GABBA GOO grinder? They is good.

 
 

Yeah, it is, Satan Trotsky.

You should think, Gabba Gabba Hey!
~

 
 

Cream the screech owl with a small mallet

I do this ALL THE TIME!

…sometimes I use a sledgehammer.

 
 

Creaming the owl

 
 

We’re back to masturbation and allis right with the world.

 
 

We’re back to masturbation and allis right with the world.

Three Mile Island.

 
 

“M. Bouffant said,
June 18, 2011 at 23:55

Three Mile Island.”

My, we think highly of ourselves, don’t we?

 
Spearhafoc, who is not Scott Adams
 

Scott Adams is a genius!

 
 

He’s a genius at…planning chaos.

 
Spearhafoc, who is not Scott Adams
 

You’re just jealous because your brain isn’t as big as Scott Adams. Also, he’s hung like a particularly well-endowed horse. Also, I’m not Scott Adams.

 
 

I AM jealous. Mostly cuz of my small penis.

 
Spearhafoc, who has killed the thread with his unfunny Scott Adams bit
 

Sorry.

 
Spearhafoc, who has killed the thread with his unfunny Scott Adams bit
 

And they said gay marriage wouldn’t lead to people liking turtles.

 
Spearhafoc, who has killed the thread with his unfunny Scott Adams bit
 

I’m so glad my italics didn’t break the thread but I shouldn’t have risked it.

 
 

This site is for masturbation…..in his Mom’s basement without paying rent.

Hmmmmm……

Gavin, if you show me yours I’ll show you mine.
Show what?
Yer thang.
My thang? You mean… it?
Yeah, it. That…..that right…there.
Whoa. You touched it!
So?
Well, no one’s ever touched it before, ‘cept Doc Jenkins.
I ain’t Doc Jenkins, Gavin. I’m yer sweetheart.
Gosh, Shirley, I don’t know about this touching stuff.
You gonna show it to me?
Well, okay, but you first.
Here, look, I ain’t wearing no underpants.
Oh my, oh my, Shirley. It’s, it’s kind of hidden, huh?
You got a flash light?
Yeah, in the glove box.
Whatcha think, Gavin, it’s pretty ain’t it?
It’s beautiful.
Now, show me yourn.
Okay.
My gawd Gavin. It’s huge!
It ain’t always like that.
Well, it’s like that now.
Whatcha doin’ Shirley?
Trying to see if it’ll fit.
Fit?
Unhuh, fit. Hush for a second.
Oh. Oh. It’s so warm Shirley.
It’s supposed to be warm, silly.
I love you Shirley.
I love you too Gavin.

(knock at basement door)
Gavin, are you in there?
Yes ma’am?
Shirley’s on the phone.
Could you tell her I’ll call her back, mama?
What’s wrong Gavin? Don’t you want to talk to Shirley?
Not right this second, mama, I’ll call here back, okay?
Alright then. Say, in ten minutes?
That’s fine, mama. Ten minutes.
Okay. Ten minutes.

 
Spearhafoc, who has killed the thread with his unfunny Scott Adams bit
 

You know who else used a Green Lantern ring to give herself boobs? Arisia.

 
 

It’s not you, Spear-Adams…it’s usually kinda slow here on da weekends.

 
 

So Goodwin wants Weiner to be on equal footing (inching?) with Goodwin?

 
 

Here vs, have another.

 
 

Good sounding recipes for the chef experts at SN.

 
 

Goatse is EVERYWHERE… if you’re only willing to really SEE.

 
 

Goatse is Tintin!

 
 

Goatse is EVERYWHERE… if you’re only willing to really SEE.

There are none so blind as those who cannot look away from goatse.

 
Spearhafoc, who is also not Douglas Adams, back from the dead
 

It’s not you, Spear-Adams

How many times have I heard that? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to watch Sleepless in Seattle and eat a tub of ice cream.

 
 

Italerix has the rocking pneumonia & the boogie-woogie flu.

 
sham - low sodium hunchback
 

Clarence Clemons was on that tour with Celine.

 
 

Italix, you is eeebil.

 
 

Italerix the Gaul makes a valid point about how we all miss Celine and her walking around being a ball bustin’ rock chick with $27,000 hair. Could we not miss her some more, for pity’s sake?

 
 

All the women in the RATT video are now …

 
 

Italix American, youtube is not a toy. Go to bed before you do permenant damage.

 
 

That’s gross.

 
 

Thoughts and memories die a little death, so blue. It burns like fire, that’s what death by injection feels like, blue flames licking veins…

 
 

All the women in the RATT video are now …

dudes?

 
 

applying the synynoms

 
 

synynom applications, that’s a word.

 
 

synynom applications, that’s a word.

How bout SynyNOMNOMNOM?

 
 

So Long, Weiner, What A “Sorry” Excuse

Erm, the first comma is not in the original headline.

 
 

Inserting a comma.

 
 

Comma comma comma comma
Comma chameleon

 
Spearhafoc, who is also not Douglas Adams, back from the dead
 

Oh comma ye faithful.

Here’s the song being sung by Perry Comma.

 
 

So Long

That’s what she Goodwin said

 
Whale Chowder from his phone
 

Comma comma comma come on
yeah yeah yeah
I’m your Weiner man…

 
Janor Hypercleets
 

I did that to prove I’m a man!

 
 

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