Sure, CafePress is lame (not least because it has one of those ‘intercaps’ in the name — a DotCom trend that got OutOfHand and now EveryoneUsesThem without even KnowingWhy), but let’s face it: If you get an idea for a bumper sticker, no longer must you wander around wishing you had an uncle in the bumper-sticker industry. You’re there, baby.

It’s with this in mind that we’re proud to announce the existence of a still-shuttered, yet bustling CafePress StoreFront in which we’re accumulating DumbAssCrap of the nature that swirls around in our heads all day and every day, preventing us from concentrating on any but the most elementary tasks, pretty much.

For instance, this has long represented a big hole in the bumper sticker market:

And this is a natural and necessary addition to the oval Eurosticker canon:

And it’s not just stickers, but also apparel, housewares, knick-knacks, greeting cards, and other junk. There now exists a Pastor Swank wall clock, for one thing. And even uselesser things! Things that NobodyWants! Because WhyNot?

‘Mad,’ they say. ‘Joking,’ they say. We’ll see who they call mad and joking when we roll out the S,N! Mutant Attack Kitten line.

“You are madd und zhoking.”

Are not, either.