Shorter Newt Gingrich

Arlen Spector’s Switch

  • Arlen Spector’s move to the Democrats, which potentially gives them a filibuster-proof majority in the United States Senate, is excellent news for Republicans.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


I’m sure the Democrats at some point in the future will mess up and get tossed out of power. The party that replaces them needs to do better than Newt on the whole “having any grasp on reality” thing that has clearly eluded him.

Dude, losing senate seats is not a victory for your party or for the conservative movement. I just don’t get how you guys think.


UPDATE: Funniest. Comment. Of. The. Day:

A Sinking Ship: “Yay! We’re rat free! We have no more rats! Not a single rat on boa…glub! Glub! Glub! sputter! Glub! Glub! gasp! Not one single ra… glub! Glub! GLUB! Gurgle… gurgle….

glub…”

[an eerie silence, as the waters close and become still]

W0rd.

 

Comments: 81

 
 
 

Oooh this is going to be good. Newt and Steele are going to get into a cat fight over who was more brilliant in getting Specter to jump ship.

 
 

I just don’t get how you guys think.

Also, your mistake is in thinking that thinking is what’s going on.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Shorter Newt:
”This was a triumph!”

 
 

Shorter Newt Gingrich

Damn, and here I was hoping there was some kind of dwarf thing going on.

 
 

Hi, honey. Sorry to hear about your cancer, but I have some great news about our marriage!

 
 

Little did you know we fitted Arlen Spector with a CORTEX BOMB! HAHAHAHAH! HE WILL EXPLODE IN YOUR CLOSED DOOR DEMOCRATS ONLY SESSION! Take that , Doomed Libtards!

 
 

They believe in smaller government, and they’re getting smaller and smaller. WIN!

 
 

They believe in smaller government, and they’re getting smaller and smaller. WIN!

The RNC in the starring role in “Honey, I Shrunk The Country’s Tolerance for Assbaggery”

 
 

I’m telling you — they’ve rejected science, so now they’re on the principles of homeopathy: as their concentration goes lower, they think their power grows even greater.

 
 

Goodbye and good riddance, Arlen. We like our party pure as the driven snow.

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

I don’t know, this was weak stuff from Newt. Hardly worth spoofing. Seems like he just phoned it in using his automated Newtspeak generator.

 
 

now they’re on the principles of homeopathy

Homeopathy is a sin!

 
 

Voodoo economics:Lower taxes=more revenue.

Voodoo political science: Fewer members=more votes.

It’s a Republican thing.

 
 

he just phoned it in using his automated Newtspeak generator.

Well, sure.

I mean, that’s what he does, right?

 
Homeopathic Agenda
 

We’ll get fewer and fewer of our operatives into your system, then we’ll take over!

 
 

what an AWESOME day to be a Sadly, No! reader 🙂

 
 

All I can think is that if Olympia Snowe joins the exodus, we can toss Joe Lieberman to the curb. Come on Durbin and Reid, you know you want to. Specter (and Snow) at least can figure out which bandwagon to jump on. Joe “Consistently Wrong Since 2000” Lieberman doesn’t even know a losing cause when he jumps to join it.

 
 

Good news for John McCain! What will Jon Stewart do to spoof these idiots.

 
 

Homeopathy is a sin!

Next they’ll want to get married and *BAM* there goes your Western Civilization!

 
 

A Sinking Ship: “Yay! We’re rat free! We have no more rats! Not a single rat on boa…glub! Glub! Glub! sputter! Glub! Glub! gasp! Not one single ra… glub! Glub! GLUB! Gurgle… gurgle….

glub…”

[an eerie silence, as the waters close and become still]

 
 

Dude, losing senate seats is not a victory for your party or for the conservative movement.

Sure it is! Those left are purer! blonder! more Aryan!

A Freeper commented that he was glad the party was rid of “Vichy Republican” Specter. Let’s see, if he was a Vichy Republican, then that would make the GOP…

 
 

[an eerie silence, as the waters close and become still]

I think “ka-flush!” is the operative sound here.

 
 

How utterly…predictable…of Newt.

 
 

Dear Senator Specter,

Thank you so much for your wonderful birthday gift. It was just the thing I wanted, I don’t even mind that UPS screwed up and it got here a few days late.

luv,
me

 
Phoenician in a time of Romans
 

How utterly…predictable…of Newt.

“Nancy Pelosi transcends, becomes God Almighty Herself, Ruler of Heaven and Earth. Pundits, Gingrich: this is excellent news for the Republican Party.”

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

OT: Instapundit notes Michael Caine to go Galt if taxes get any higher!

And where will Caine’s low-tax Galt’s Gulch be located? Glenn doesn’t tell us, although Caine mentions it in the original article. Curious, that.

 
 

the principles of homeopathy: as their concentration goes lower, they think their power grows even greater.
But a crucial part of the homeopathic process is the vigorous agitation, the succussion, after each dilution.

“Hahnemann had a saddle maker construct a special wooden striking board covered in leather on one side and stuffed with horsehair.”
It would not surprise me at all if there is one of these somewhere within the Republican caucus.

 
 

I just did something I’ve never done before. Hoping for a little schadenfreude latte, I went to fox news dot com. So there I am, thinking hmmm, that’s not so bad as I expected. Not enough schadenfreude beans but I was surprised by the relative dearth of invective on the landing page.

Then I scrolled down. They have a large, prominent “Features and Faces” section. Eight pieces. With a thumbnail for each. Its wall to wall teats. Fox – All teats, all the time.

I know, I know. I just wasn’t aware of this before.

Hef Wants Holly Back
HOLLY PICS

God-Given Bikini Bodies
JEN BIKINI PICS | AUDRINA BIKINI PICS

Who’s Skinny, Who’s Scary?
PHOTOS: Which of these Hollywood stars are painfully pin-thin, and which are just petite?

Hines Defends Plastic Surgery
Actress says if a nip and a tuck makes you feel good, ‘do it,’ with Meg Ryan standing right next to her!

Is Lingerie League a Sport?
PICS OF ‘LINGERIE’ STARS | VIDEO

Bar’s ‘Little Black Bikini’
FIRST LOOK

 
 

To rephrase the principles of homeopathy:
If you add fluids and strike it sharply 10 times against a “special wooden striking board covered in leather on one side and stuffed with horsehair”, it becomes more potent.
Works for me.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

the principles of homeopathy: as their concentration goes lower, they think their power grows even greater.
But a crucial part of the homeopathic process is the vigorous agitation, the succussion, after each dilution.

Seems the Republicans have developed suckussion into an art form.

 
 

To rephrase the principles of homeopathy:
If you add fluids and strike it sharply 10 times against a “special wooden striking board covered in leather on one side and stuffed with horsehair”, it becomes more potent.

That’s the way they do it in San Francisco!

 
 

Bar’s ‘Little Black Bikini’

Words cannot describe the horror of imagining Dubya’s mom in a bikini.

My beautiful mind…soiled….soiled….

 
 

T”his is excellent news for the Republican party” is the new meme for utter failure!

 
 

Its wall to wall teats.

God Bless America.

 
 


It would not surprise me at all if there is one of these somewhere within the Republican caucus.

haha!

I first read that as “… within the Republican anus”.

 
 

Tomatah, tomatah…

 
 

Tomatoh, toMAtoe, rather.

 
 

How is this NOT good for Republicans?

One less RINO to worry about, and the loony left is already whining about how “right wing” Specter is.

 
 

How is this NOT good for Republicans?

One less RINO to worry about, and the loony left is already whining about how “right wing” Specter is.

Exactly. As the numbers dwindle, the concentration of purity increases, and as the concentration increases, the power grows. Soon perchance Republicans can get their Senate numbers below 20 and the loony left will find themselves hopelessly outshone by the sheer concentrated power of the remaining small but pure numbers.

 
 

As pleased as I am about Dems being in power as it relates to our chances for decent governance, this sort of thing makes it all so, so much sweeter. Their bitter tears nourish me.

Please never let it stop.

 
 

Meh. I’m having a grammar-optional day.

As usual.

 
 

I first read that as “… within the Republican anus”.

The difference being…?

 
 

As Glenn Beck said, “He switched? I thought he was ALREADY a Democrat!”

*yawn*

Bye-bye, RINO. Take Collins and Snowe with you, and don’t let your ass hit you on the way out!

 
 

It’s awesome for Republicans if there goal was to be incapable of filling a pothole let alone elected offices across the country.

The teabaggery was a success!!!!

 
 

Fuck Newt Gingrich. I fucking hate that fat pumpkin-headed fucker. You’d have thought when he resigned from Congress in disgrace back in, what, 1998?, that we’d never have to see his revolting fucking face ever again. But NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. He just won’t fuck off and leave already, will he? Who gives a flyin’ fuck what this fat fuck says or thinks about anything anyway? He’s been OUT OF OFFICE FOR 10 FUCKING YEARS. Sheesh.

 
 

I can’t believe I typed “there” instead of “their” up… there?

Ugh, long, long day please end.

 
 

“He’s been OUT OF OFFICE FOR 10 FUCKING YEARS. Sheesh.”

And in 2012 he may very well be our nominee.

I’d like to see President Teleprompter go up against an intellect like Newt’s.

 
 

“And in 2012 he may very well be our nominee.

I’d like to see President Teleprompter go up against an intellect like Newt’s.”

Can you promise he’ll be your nominee? Pretty please????

 
 

Uh, yeah, so would I, toilet.

 
 

Dave Noon on Gingrich’s Ph.D thesis.
Shorter version: Intellectual laziness, and the belief that a willingness to play a knowledgeable person on TV is equivalent to the same status in reality, are not merely skin-deep; they have remained constant throughout his CV.

 
 

Oooh! I know–give us Gingrich/Palin 2012! Wait–even better–Palin/Gingrich 2012!

 
 

This Newt will never get better.

 
 

An intellect like Newts
A ballet dancer like The Incredible Hulk
A fish like a bicycle
An iceberg like California
A fire-engine like a blancmange.
A dickwad like a dickwad.

 
 

“Teleprompter”?! Really? Jeez, that is SO last month. Besides which:

http://uk.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUKN2540350420070926?sp=true

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KogebxJkHig

Also: Newt + intellect?!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 
 

I was thinking Gingrich/Cornyn.

 
 

Can I say a word in defense of rats? Rats SHOULD leave a sinking ship–and without censure! It’s not their fault the ship is sinking. They’re entitled to save themselves. They have no responsibility for the ship and are not to be condemned for leaving it if necessary.

The scandal is when the CREW deserts the sinking ship. Cf. Lord Jim, etc.

There. I said it and I’m glad.

 
 

How about Gingrich/ Coke II?

Huh? Huh?

 
 

Oooh! I know–give us Gingrich/Palin 2012! Wait–even better–Palin/Gingrich 2012!

CHENEY/Gingrich. Palin for Sec. of State.

 
 

Hey! Whatever happened to that Jindal guy? I thought he was the great black hope of the Reptilian party.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Gingrich is suffering from the same delusion as all the righties. They think their sudden ascension into control of congress in 1994 was a result of revulsion against Bill Clinton’s “left-wing” policies and a seismic shift in American political philosophies.

Of course, the real reason was the outrageous gerrymandering of congressional districts to create a certain number of guaranteed minority seats, which left all these redneck rump districts for Gingrich and his ilk to sweep into power on.

Personally, I hope they never take a reality pill and continue to think that Confederate ideological purity is the road to a comeback.

 
 

I’d like to see President Teleprompter go up against an intellect like Newt’s.

Yes, so would I. Frankly. It’d be hilarious. I think it’s great that the finest mind you guys have to put out there is that serial adulterer corrupt has-been.

 
 

Shorter Newt Gingrich

I was so hoping this meant, without his head.

 
 

Nice link to follow about Gingrich’s academic career. If I’d have had to make it up, I couldn’t have done a better job than the reality – the guy wrote a dissertation on education policy in the Belgian Congo, without every having visited the Congo, and using only Belgian (not Congolese) source material. Plus, eight years on the faculty at West Georgia, but not on the tenure track.

Quite a pedigree.

 
 

oo, Mznicky, I LOVE ‘Reptilian Party’.

Izzat yers?

 
 

and using only Belgian (not Congolese) source material.
Worse than that, he ignored all the accounts of Belgian colonial practices written by non-Belgian Europeans, ensuring that he arrived on the academic scene as an apologist for Leopold’s private slave state.

 
 

Newt probably wanted in on the action

 
 

zombie: Why yes. Yes, I believe it is! Feel free to use, and not sparingly.

 
 

an apologist for Leopold’s private slave state.

So, change one name, and pretty much what he’s still doing.

 
 

I read through Newt’s dissertation. It wasn’t awful. It wasn’t that insightful, but he wasn’t trying to prove any bat-shitty points, either.

 
 

I’d like to see President Teleprompter go up against an intellect like Newt’s.

Yep, old Newt’s an intellect all right. He cranks out bad ideas faster than a Vietnamese sweat-shop cranks out Nikes.

 
 

I saw him speak live once. One of the weirdest motherfuckers imaginable.

 
 

Shorter Newt Gingrich
Would Roll
Scientists Say

 
 

I thought he was the great black hope of the Reptilian party.

Hey! Don’t pin that loser on us.

 
"Oh Stewardess, I Speak 'Nut"
 

“This switch is a function of personal survival and will make clearer the profound difference between the Democratic Party of big government, big bureaucracy, high taxes and big unions and the Republican Party of lower taxes, less bureaucracy and small business, with its emphasis on the work ethic, civil society and local control back home.” — (She turned me into a) Newt! [awkward pause] (Well I got better.)

It is unfortunate that neither of our two major parties represents big business.

 
 

the guy wrote a dissertation on education policy in the Belgian Congo

Did it include the phrase “exterminate the brutes”?

 
 

The Republicans are no longer a political party. Hell, they’re not even a religion at this point. They’re a cult like Scientology.

A crazy, dangerous and wealthy cult.

But a cult.

 
 

These are my thoughts on the Democrats getting a shot in the arm from Senator Magic Bullet.

To put it succinctly, I am not impressed. With either Specter or Obama/Biden.

 
 

Can anyone figure out what the hell is going on in the GOP? Is there anyone remaining in the party who has any sense at all? Is there a single right wing radio commentator who has the balls to admit that this could be devastating to the GOP? Or are they all just insane?

 
 

Tom: yes; no; no; yes.

 
 

The way them guys think, pal, is….get ready—–PURITY.

Arlen Specter, because of his occasionally pro-choice and pro-constitutional-democracy bleatings (mind you, mostly overridden in a sea of pro-war swill) is not a “true” conservative, according to the lexicon of the RNC. His departure will leave a smaller, yet “purer” group of conservatives—joyously, even more out of touch with the public than ever before.

So they’re adapting the “good riddance” posture. It’s bravado to mask the fact that, really, they have lost an extremely powerful senator and predictably they will now unleash a torrent of unprecedented viciousness against him—just as they have against all previous “turncoats”: such as Scott Ritter, Joe Wilson, Gen Eric Shinseki, Paul O’Neill, Richard Clarke, etc.

 
 

p.s. Also I forgot to mention that he (Newtie) peeping-tommed his kids’ teenaged babysitter. Eeeeeew!

 
 

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