Shorter Wall Street Journal
Posted on November 13th, 2005 by
Torture’s not all that bad when you just call it “aggressive interrogation” instead. See?
Shorter concept inspired by busy, busy, busy, originally launched by Daniel Davies at D-Squared Digest with the original Shorter Steven den Beste. Disclaimer copied in part from busy, busy, busy.
Bonus points:
Former Defense Secretary Jim Schlesinger headed one of more than a dozen major inquiries into detainee abuse, and he explained last year that the Abu Ghraib abuses were simply sadistic behavior by poorly trained reservists on the “night shift.” The victims weren’t even intelligence targets.
The people US forces tortured sadistically behaviored weren’t even important! Well, that makes everything ok then.
I really do picture the WSJ editorial board as a collection of the world’s greatest super-villains, including Lex Luthor, Dr. Doom and the Penguin.
“Simply” sadistic behavior? Doesn’t the fact that people were tortured despite the fact that they weren’t intelligence subjects prove McCain’s whole fucking point, that once torture of prisoners is tolerated at all, it will become tolerated across the board? Some things we just don’t do because they are wrong, period. Kee-rist.
The people….weren’t even important! Well, that makes everything ok then.
Oh, they were just typical Iraqis — you know, the ones we’re trying to free.
Way to win those hearts
and minds!
Those detainees were asking to be tortured, dressed like that. What were they thinking?
Meanwhile, God gears up to destroy Dover, Pennsylvania with a typhoon or something, because they’ve rejected “intelligent design,” and are therefore, evil.
It’s only sort-of-torture, or “sorture” for short, and “sorture” isn’t covered by the Geneva Conventions.
I really do picture the WSJ editorial board as a collection of the world’s greatest super-villains, including Lex Luthor, Dr. Doom and the Penguin.
But with such limpid, sparkling prose, how could you have left Solomon Grundy off the list?
Meanwhile, God gears up to destroy Dover, Pennsylvania with a typhoon or something, because they’ve rejected “intelligent design,” and are therefore, evil.
Unless he can manage to improve his aim over Katrina etc., I’m thinking we won’t be able to call it “intelligent destruction.”
So Connecticut gets destroyed instead. Eeh. No big loss* (Lieberman).
*I keed, I keed!