Joltin’ Joe Has Not Left And Gone Away

No, it can’t be. No, not him again.

Joe the Plumber laughs at Obama’s speech
The Politico

In town to promote his new book, “Joe the Plumber: Fighting for the American Dream”, Samuel J. Wurzelbacher — aka “Joe the Plumber” — stopped by Americans for Tax Reform Wednesday to review President Barack Obama’s Tuesday address before Congress and offer his own thoughts on American politics and current events.

Above: Norquist with bald-headed embarrassment
in background (Jeff Gannon edition)


Subtext: As the turbines spin up for CPAC 2009, and Washington, DC is enhanced with right-wing extremists of every kind, a Politico staffer cries “aah, whatever,” and looks to Grover Norquist and his oompa-loompas for color commentary, lest there be a single Groverless day in the press.

Wednesday’s Norquist cite was provided by the DC Examiner. And heck, David Weigel of Reason also managed to stock the Independent with three stories from his encounter with Mr. The-Plumber, chez Norquist. Here’s one now:

When It’s Time To Party We Will Party Hard

My friend J.P. Freire, the managing editor of The American Spectator, is the brains behind NewAmericanTeaParty.com. When I saw him today after Grover Norquist’s meeting, he was driven, intense — gripping his MacBook like a life raft in the Arctic Ocean, updating the group’s Facebook page and list of sponsors.

I’ll bet they do Twitter too. Twitter is that new thing that’s like burping the alphabet. Republicans are big on it because they have nothing to say.

Freire’s site is only one node in a network of grassroots Tea Party sites, which are protesting the mortgage rescue plan and the more general “recent trend of fiscal recklessness in government.” The main Washington event will be a rally in front of the White House on Friday, at noon.

Genius move scheduling it at the same time as both the Student Luncheon and Newt Gingrich at the Regency Ballroom. All the grassroots will be at one event or the other, leaving nobody to come to the protest but unknown who-people from, uh, world place.

But indeed, ‘recent’ is the word for this recent trend toward risky fecklessness and vice versa in government, notable in its sudden happening and noneness of antecedents. Brazenly and suddenly it happens now, after [cough cough] deficit [cough] every [cough] Reagan [cough cough] Education of David Stockman [cough cough] got away with it for twenty-five years [cough] all blown to hell [cough]. Then this Obama comes along acting like he runs the place.

And it’s a good thing that the Internet — ooh wait, it also looks kind of tight there with the 1:00 Internet Activist Workshop. Whoopsicles! Failopotamus!

Among the ideas that people pitched while Freire was working:

– An appearance from Joe “the Plumber” Wurzelbacher. (He plans on showing up as a reporter for PajamasTV and then commenting on the event on Sean Hannity’s Fox News show.)

Perfection would be if he went on Hannity to comment on his reporting on the rally at which he also appeared.

Or, perfection would also be that the person who pitched the idea at Norquist’s place was Wurzelbacher.

– A garbage bag that tea partiers will fill with tea bags. Protestors might write the names of programs they don’t like on the tea bags.

How about silk screened ‘tea shirts’ that have a string and a paper tag hanging off them. You can write things on the tag. No no, our pleasure. If we need an idea later we’ll just think of another one.

– Doing the garbage bag idea, but with cardboard boxes.

See, I saw the garbage bag idea and it was like, Okay, so you put all these tea bags, perhaps with the names of government programs on them, into a garbage bag. And then unless I’m mistaken you’re standing there with a garbage bag.

“Har har, liberals,” you will say to passers-by, “Just guess what’s in this garbage bag right here!”

No, we think you should approach the idea in terms of tea bags coming out of a garbage bag — dumped in a place, given to a person, perhaps made into a giant cup of something which is a pun on the letter ‘t.’ Like if you have ‘reason‘ but someone dumps ‘t’ on it, what then do you have?

But it could be a cardboard box instead, sure.

– A cover of “Take This Job and Shove It,” with new lyrics that would attack the stimulus package.


God, you suck.

– Getting people in Revolutionary War garb to skeet shoot tea bags.

That’s the stupidest thing we’ve ever heard, and we make up stupid stuff for fun.

Where were we? Oh jalopies, it’s Joe the Frickin’ Plumber again, via the Politico:

Perhaps not surprisingly, Wurzelbacher, who campaigned alongside Sen. John McCain during the 2008 campaign, did not have many nice things to say about Obama’s speech and stimulus proposal.

This is newspaper talk for “not surprisingly,” and “[he] did not have any nice things say.” A somewhat more daring construction is “there are few if any,” which means, “there are none, but if I say so, then some maniac is liable to make one out of balled aluminum foil and show it to my editor.”

But the joke will one day be on this journalist when the maniac does as feared, explaining as he unpacks the foil ball that “few if any” does not easily mean “one.”

Jesus on a Segway, is that Joe the Plumber down there again?

“I believe he’s taking America down the wrong path,” Wurzelbacher told POLITICO. “So far every step he’s taken I pretty much disagree with.”

I’m losing my mind. Look at that train of thought up there and tell me I’m not.

They’re taking it from me. I smell roses — no, ammonia. Ack, left side numb typing with right.

Wurzelbacher has been pondering a run for Congress and said, “If I became a congressman I would literally bang people’s heads together and probably get in a lot of trouble.”

And, for those of you interested in plumbing, Wurzelbacher has some good pointers for you.

For those of us interested in novelty in reporting, maybe next from the Politico we can have some more on that plane that I hear went down in the Hudson River, from which all passengers were saved in a miracle thanks to the heroism of the crew, who are nobly self-effacing even after they brought the plane down in the Hudson River, saving all passengers with their heroism in a miracle that you wouldn’t know it just from looking at them, so calm do they seem after the miraculous saving of passengers from a rivery grave, while during the heroism of plane downtaking, their voices you could hear and calm they were despite the saving miracle of heroism.

Maybe they can get Norquist’s thoughts on it, if nobody has already.

 

Comments: 90

 
 
 

…Getting people in Revolutionary War garb to skeet shoot tea bags.

OMG! I’ve seen that movie! And then everyone got nekkid in the hot-tub waiting for the pizza delivery boy – who was also Samuel “the Joe” Plumber “Wurlitzer” Wurzelbacher – in a surprise ending he wrote himself.

Jeff “Pizza” Gannon is reportedly planning on suing for character assassination.

 
 

Joe the Plumber is damn stupid.

It would be harder to be Dumber than Plumber.

 
 

No no no, dude you’ve got it all wrong. We want more not-Joe. More Super-Sarah. We want Piyush Bobby to tell us all about his mad exorcism skillz and his hate of government. More Michael Steele telling us that government contracts aren’t real jobs. The more they talk, the better our guys look.

Grover Norquist, on the other hand, should be teabagged and then die in a fire.

 
 

I’m…not sure…why I didn’t realize sooner that Jeff Gannon and Joe the Plumber are the same damn person!

 
 

In town to promote his new book “Farting for America” Not Joe the Not Plumber emitted some duck like noises from his rear. Two reporters had to receive medical treatment for toxic gas inhalation and several pot plants in the vicinity, died.

 
 

Wait, did he just seriously suggest shooting guns in front of the Whitehouse?

Genius! I wish them well.

 
 

Were politics baseball, we could imagine there had been a strike, or a massive steroid abuse suspension/ban for life, & the “Real Americans” have to field a team of Rookie & Instructional League players.

Palin, Jindal, Plumber Set Strike-Out Records, Whine For Hours About Umps

 
 

Wait, did he just seriously suggest shooting guns in front of the Whitehouse?

It is their Constitutional RIGHT to shoot guns in front of the White House! If anyone tries to stop them, why the Declaration of Independence gives them the Constitutional authority to revolt! “Thus always to tyrants,” as the Bible says.

 
 

is the brains behind NewAmericanTeaParty.com.

Brains? A starving zombie wouldn’t eat those things.

 
 

But wait… the original perps of the original Tea Party didn’t wear Revolutionary War uniforms (which would have been a good trick, since they hadn’t been created yet) they dressed as native Americans.

And they didn’t carry guns, they carried tomahawks.

Ooo, I know! Instead of wussy garbage bags, they make pinatas shaped like Obama’s head, and hack it up with real tomahawks, while dressed like Indians! In front of the White House! (And like, tea bags can fall out, because if they just used powered tea, like the originals, nobody would know it was tea.) And lots of stage blood too, so people watching really get the point they’re trying to make!

Anybody else got any ideas? We should really help these guys out, don’t you think? Reach across the aisle, as they say.

 
 

I’m not sure they really thought this one through.
I may well end up being the only one to do this, but I think participants in the tea parties should be called teabaggers.

 
 

Teh headline:

CONSERVATARDS TEABAG NATIONS CAPITAL

 
 

HEADLINE WINS INTERTUBES

 
 

I think the participants are more like the teabagees.

Most of them will probably have pictures of themselves in various, shall we say, “embarrassing,” poses, passed out in the hotel room they had to share w/ several other closet cases.

Soon the pix will be on some Fuckbook™ page.

 
 

And Oregon Guy types he’s not as funny as some of us!

Don’t sell your shit short, dude.

 
 

We should really help these guys out, don’t you think?

No. (Edition, questions, answers, etc.)

Reach across the aisle around, as they say do.

F’zd.

 
 

And, for those of you interested in plumbing, Wurzelbacher has some good pointers for you.

No he doesn’t.

NO HE DOESN’T.

HE IS THE LOVE CHILD OF PARIS HILTON, ‘THE KING OF QUEENS’, AND COSPLAY.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP SMEARING PLUMBING WITH THIS DICKLESS, INCOMPETENT WHINING SKINHEAD.

Good God almighty, would it kill you people to fucking report for once instead of just doing color commentary on Party communiques? Please?

 
 

Hey, ya know…

blind pig, acorn, etc.

But I’m putting together my Franco outfit anyway, just to be sure.

 
 

No no no, dude you’ve got it all wrong. We want more not-Joe. More Super-Sarah. We want Piyush Bobby to tell us all about his mad exorcism skillz and his hate of government. More Michael Steele telling us that government contracts aren’t real jobs. The more they talk, the better our guys look.

I don’t know. The problem I’m seeing is that the longer the party is run by its celebrity-wannabe wing, the less likely it is to either form a grand coalition or break into third parties – so instead of winding up with a farther-right Democratic Party and a mounting opposition to its left, we’re going to have the same horribly disunited, malformed Democratic Party we have now kept permanently in government by the skeeze of a dwindling but tenacious faction of infinitely sore losers and careerists.

Ideologues we can deal with, because ideologues have actual goals and beliefs. Gingrich plays at being one, but he’s no more the small-government crusader he pretends to be than Bill O’Reilly is a hard-boiled street-wise investigative journalist.

The problem isn’t the ideologues, it’s the celebrities. Palin would run a campaign accusing Obama of failing the glorious Maoist revolution before she’d step quietly into the sidelines and try to get things done.

 
 

a network of grassroots Tea Party sites

I have this plan to establish a lobby group purporting to represent the interests of lawn owners. Though in fact it will be funded by the manufacturers of artificial grass substitutes, and will promote the interests thereof. Trouble is, I can’t think of a suitable name. I am open to suggestions.

And if someone left an almost identical comment over at RB’s blog last night, that is merely coincidence.

 
Grifting in the wind
 

Wurzelbacher has been pondering a run for Congress…

Brilliant!!!

Abso-fucking-lootly BRILLIANT!!

Does anyone if he’s got any posters out yet?

 
Grifting in the wind
 

anyone know , that is

 
 

I’m sure all these well-educated citizens could name a total of, what, like 10 government programs? After Medicaid, the teabags would just say:

“That thing with the negroes”
“Laws against showing your dick to ladies”
“The Supreme Court”
“The Mobile Oppression Palace”*
“Volcano Detection”
“The Fairness Doctrine”

* Futurama reference

 
 

“Wurzelbacher has been pondering a run for Congress”

Why the hell not? If Reagan could do it…

Palin/Plumber 2012!

 
 

I’m sure all these well-educated citizens could name a total of, what, like 10 government programs?

Anyone in the area would be doing the Internets a great service in looking through these (presumably perfectly good) tea bags after the wingnuts have thrown them out.

I bet the top non-germane finishers are going to be “blacks”, “Jews”, and “Al Gore”.

 
 

I’m sure Larry Craig has some ideas for Tea Room parties.

 
 

Twitter is that new thing that’s like burping the alphabet.
I confess, I know 2/3 of fuck-all about this twatter thing, on account of being older than matter in the wrong place dirt, and still coming to terms with the contentious communication system of Mr Samuel Morse. But I have worked out that it is mainly used as a top-down medium, along the lines of blast-faxes and talk radio but with a character limit to ensure that everything fits into an attention span measured in milliseconds. I learned this from the exponents of twatting, you understand.

And now these VERY SAME PEOPLE are going on about a grass-swell of ground-roots opposition to Obama policies. So all I can say is HA HA HA HA.

 
 

Do they really think it’s just a matter of cheering louder?

SameSDD!!!
SShitDD!!!!!!!!!
SSDifferentD!!!!!!
SSDDay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

W007!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
 

is the brains behind NewAmericanTeaParty.com

New because another Tea Party party already exists.

– Getting people in Revolutionary War garb to skeet shoot tea bags.

Lil’ Jon says, “Yeah!”

 
 

* Futurama reference

Oh please, like anyone here didn’t know. You make old Freebie cry.

 
 

Trouble is, I can’t think of a suitable name. I am open to suggestions.

That sir, is full of win. Appropriated or not.

 
 

All glory to my hypno-toad, if you get my drift.

 
 

– Getting people in Revolutionary War garb to skeet shoot tea bags.

Please, God, let a DC TV station get video of said shooting sports and subsequent Secret Service beatdown. Thank You.

 
 

Sure, the Tabby-Toast trains run for a while, but soon the toast gets cold, the tabby lets go, and the train grinds to a halt.

When entropy is solved, we’ll see Tabby-Toast trains. Until then, it’s only a theory.

 
 

Among the ideas that people pitched while Freire was working:

Writing the name of a gubbermint program you don’t like on each ball and … oh, wait. Tea party? I thought you said … never mind.

Christ, this is the revolution that’s going to reclaim America from the Islahomocommieusurper?

I like the skeet shooting tea bags idea though. That has a huge potential for friendly fire incidents.

 
 

The idea of skeet shooting tea bags is hilarious in its complete phoniness: anyone who would shoot a shotgun in an even theoretically residential area hasn’t met anyone who has seen a gun in his life.

I mean, sure, the Second Amendment is a much simpler political issue if all it applies to is Counterstrike, but…

 
 

If they put all the tea bags into garbage bags, doesn’t the symbolism suggest that the whole idea is garbage?

 
 

A cover of “Take This Job and Shove It,” with new lyrics that would attack the stimulus package.

Followed by a filk of “Sloop John B.” with new lyrics that are all about Star Trek.

 
 

The lingering persistence of JtP astonishes me. These Goopers realize that he’s a prop from a losing campaign, don’t they? That he was a footnote to a campaign that ended last year? It’s as if in 1989 the Democrats decided to rebuild their party by send Michael Dukakis to all 50 states to recreate his “riding in a tank” photo op, or having Walter Mondale spend 1985 asking people “where’s the beef?”. It’s not that he’s a gimmick – gimmicks are a natural element of politics – it’s that he’s a failed gimmick. Is there any better indicator of the emptiness of the GOP pantry that this guy being in such high demand for movement event?

 
 

FMguru – Nope.

 
 

This is my favorite, favorite thing:

“If I became a congressman I would literally bang people’s heads together and probably get in a lot of trouble.”

It’s nice to know that Joe has some vague awareness that he would probably get in trouble if, as a member of the United States government, he went around literally banging people’s heads together. That’s what you call electability.

 
 

“Wurzelbacher has been pondering a run for Congress and said, “If I became a congressman I would literally bang people’s heads together and probably get in a lot of trouble.””

Hmm, I’m starting to see why Joey is on unemployment benefits a lot.

 
 

GOP = The william hungs of politics – except without as much talent. Or Brains. Sweet, sweeeeet braaaaaiiiiiiinnnnssssssssssss.

 
 

Not-Joe the Non-Plumber strikes me as the type of dim-bulb whose last words will undoubtedly be along the lines of “hold my beer… watch this.” I mean, shouldn’t he be making videos of stupid stunts for youtube involving crashing his pickup truck or a bass boat somewhere in WestbyGod Virginia??

 
 

JtP’s book-signing (snicker) in DC last night was not a rousing success. About 1 2people attended at a local Borders and they sold (drumroll) 5 copies of his new book.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/26/AR2009022600005.html

Joe replied that he believes “our American heritage is being torn apart” by flag burners, critics of the military, and those who mock Christian values. He expressed his admiration for patriotic immigrants, and said he dislikes terms like African American and Asian American (“We’re all Americans,” he said). For some reason, he concluded by saying, “America has always been a kick-butt, take-names kind of country.”

Wurzelbacher was scheduled to speak and sign books for three hours, but the Joe Show was over in 55 minutes. Total copies of “Joe the Plumber” sold: five.

 
 

Joe replied that he believes “our American heritage is being torn apart” by flag burners, critics of the military, and those who mock Christian values. He expressed his admiration for patriotic immigrants, and said he dislikes terms like African American and Asian American (”We’re all Americans,” he said).

Um, Joe – you’re about 15 years too late to be a guest host for The Morton Downey Junior Show.

I’m still amazed. After an election that decisively proved that pissed-off white people are no longer enough to provide an electoral majority, the GOP is building its future around…a pissed-off white guy peddling two-decade old talk radio shtick. Flag burners! Well done.

 
 

Joe replied that he believes “our American heritage is being torn apart” by flag burners, critics of the military, and those who mock Christian values.

That’s right. Our nation is in danger because of 1) something that never happens, 2) a straw man argument [there is criticism of military and civilian leadership, but little of the actual military], and 3) jokes about Jeeebus.

 
 

I love the photo over at the WaPo link! All those empty chairs and poor Joe, looking so forlorn.

One wonders – did the book go to press before or after Joe came out with his criticism of John McCain?

I note the caption under the pic – Joe says he’s going into construction.

Good thing for him that there are going to be all those stimulus dollars funding all these projects.

 
 

Plumbing? Not happening. “I show up on a plumbing job and the first thing someone’s going to say is ‘Joe the Plumber didn’t do the job right,’ ” he said. “The next thing you know, it’s on the national news.

He wishes.

 
 

Putting the likes of Sammy the Skinhead in front of microphones is not the way the Republican party will be able to get people like my mom to vote for them again.

Keep it up, guys. Please!

 
The Goddamn Batman Will Teabag All These Morons, One By One
 

I think that we should all chip in for a jester’s hat for Not-Joe and tell him that we’re crowning him King of America. He’ll be so proud of it, he’ll show up on Faux News to show it off to his friend Sean.

 
 

“I show up on a plumbing job and the first thing someone’s going to say is ‘Joe the Plumber didn’t do the job right,’ ” he said. “The next thing you know, it’s on the national news.

Whereas a pundit doesn’t have to do the job right. In fact, the more wrong you are, the more you get paid. What a lovely scam.

 
a concerned citizen
 

I know they can’t figure out what “dap” means, but I really really really wish they’d at least learn what “skeet” is.

 
 

Plumbing? Not happening. “I show up on a plumbing job and the first thing someone’s going to say is ‘Joe the Plumber didn’t do the job right,’ ” he said.
Because that’s what always happened before he was famous….

 
 

“I show up on a plumbing job and the first thing someone’s going to say is ‘Joe the Plumber didn’t do the job right,’

Some dim self-awareness.

Joe, it’s possible to screw up just pushing a wheelbarrow. Then, bingo, you’re on the nat’l news again.

 
 

It’s so cool that the WashPost article linked above by Woodrowfan starts off by essentially calling him not-Joe The not-Plumber:

“Joe the Plumber (no longer a plumber; first name actually Samuel) “

 
 

– A cover of “Take This Job and Shove It,” with new lyrics that would attack the stimulus package.

After that list of the most conservative rock songs that some tool from NRO once wrote (can’t find the link atm), then it shouldn’t be too hard to get this one checked off…right? I mean, Jello Biafra had that song about Cambodia, and Sublime had one about the evils of Date Rape, so maybe they’re still available? Why are you laughing at me? I’m being supar-serial here!

 
 

It’s nice to know that Joe has some vague awareness that he would probably get in trouble if, as a member of the United States government, he went around literally banging people’s heads together. That’s what you call electability.

OG wingnut members of Congress do it with a cane.

 
 

My friend J.P. Freire, the managing editor of The American Spectator, is the brains behind NewAmericanTeaParty.com.

For some inexplicable reason this puts me in mind of the fake Rockridge in Blazing Saddles. Odd, that.

– Getting people in Revolutionary War garb to skeet shoot tea bags.

How large do they make teabags?

God, you suck.

*snerk*

 
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist
 

Some dim self-awareness.

Sort of. I read that that he assumes he would have done the job right, but the person he did it for is some sneaky librul who would accuse him wrongly of not doing the job right, and then his precious fake name would be sullied. Nationally, now that he’s a big star.

It’s a wingnut impulse related to the one that drove the unsigning of the International Criminal Court treaty because our soldiers and politicians would be wrongly accused of war crimes in the, um, war of aggression we were about to start.

 
 

A garbage bag that tea partiers will fill with tea bags. Protestors might write the names of programs they don’t like on the tea bags.

Doing the garbage bag idea, but with cardboard boxes.

How about building a giant wooden badger, and filling that with tea bags?

 
 

That skeet shooting teabags idea is all kinds of WIN. Just as an experiment, I took a bag out of its wrapper here in the office and tossed it as high as I could. It went about 4′ in the air, fluttering the whole way.

I picture it like this: Couple of GoE types with some hand made Tricorner hats start tossing the Liptons up in the air and shooting each other in the face a la Dick Cheney.

It’s pure genius.

pleasepleasepleaseplease do it, pleasepleasepleaseplease, pretty please?

 
 

Yes, Joe the Plumber for King of (Red) America because the point in time when the Republicans decided to lift Joe the Plumber out of his well deserved anonymity was a brilliant mistake which should be referred to as the “choad elevating moment.”

Involving tea in their protests of Obama’s widely supported efforts to pull us out of an economic tailspin is a much better idea but have they missed an opportunity to really piss off liberals by dumping out or shooting up a bunch of grande lattes? Everyone knows that one of the main reasons the colonists threw that tea overboard is that tea is so gay but they didn’t have as many options to destroy elitist beverages as a today’s patriots do. Maybe they’re concerned that someone would see them on line at Starbucks but they could have just waited in the car and sent Gay Patriot in to fulfill their order. I guess it’s too late now. So that they don’t catch the HIV, they should still make sure they don’t handle any of that limp wristed green tea or worse yet, any of those fruity tisanes. Stick with the more hetero black stuff, like this manly varietal. Oh wait, no, this is right stuff right here.

 
 

Wasn’t Joe supposed to be just about to buy a plumbing business that would make him so rich he’d have to pay more taxes under Obama? IIRC, that was why he buttonholed Obama in the first place and started this whole shitball rolling. What happened to that plan?

 
Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist
 

Yes, Joe the Plumber for King of (Red) America because the point in time when the Republicans decided to lift Joe the Plumber out of his well deserved anonymity was a brilliant mistake which should be referred to as the “choad elevating moment.”

And that right after having lifted Sarah Palin out of her relative anonymity. Same sort of mechanism.

 
 

Bitter Scribe:

Wasn’t Joe supposed to be just about to buy a plumbing business that would make him so rich he’d have to pay more taxes under Obama? IIRC, that was why he buttonholed Obama in the first place and started this whole shitball rolling. What happened to that plan?

Only in his dreams was Samuel the Asshole ever going to buy a plumbing business. The fucking lunkhead, who wasn’t even licensed as a plumber in the first fucking place, couldn’t afford to pay his state taxes, much less scrape together the cash needed to buy even a small plumbing company. Before he got on the wingnut welfare gravy train, he’d have been hard-pressed to afford a Bloomin’ Onion at Outback Steakhouse, much less a business of his own.

God, I do ever hate that sack of shit. What kills me about him is that he’s entirely too fucking stupid to realize how fucking stupid he actually is.

 
 

“Now, only a few months later, he’s kind of like a vestigial tail…” This reporter ever thought of moonlighting at Sadly, No?

 
 

“If they put all the tea bags into garbage bags, doesn’t the symbolism suggest that the whole idea is garbage?”

Why yes, I think it does, fauxmaxbaer.

 
 

Coo coo ca-choo, Mrs Robinson…

Wasn’t Joe supposed to be just about to buy a plumbing business that would make him so rich he’d have to pay more taxes under Obama? IIRC, that was why he buttonholed Obama in the first place and started this whole shitball rolling. What happened to that plan?

Why, um, what do you call it… oh yeah, ‘work’ for a living when you can just talk out your arse for free cash from the Wingnußwohlfahrtsmaschine?

 
 

And that right after having lifted Sarah Palin out of her relative anonymity. Same sort of mechanism.

You know, if Palin or Jindal or whomever the fuck the Republicans nominate next name drops my amazingly stupid conservative neighbor 30 times during a debate in 2012 I will not be surprised at all. No wait, I will but only because he’s an amiable type of moran. He’s not an asshole so he’s not qualified for his own choad elevating moment.

 
 

Joe The Plumber’s Snake bawwing about government spending? I bet he wasn’t so emo when the government was spending it on welfare for his shiftless tax-evading ass. The same bullethead who prates about “principles” on CNN lacks enough of them to praise Obama’s tax-cuts – or the stimulus package that’s probably the only reason he isn’t busy re-applying for welfare right now. Keep it classy, “Joe”!

Hmm … in just the last year or so, this fugly camera-slut has been an under-the-table plumber, a shill for McCain, a budding C&W musician-dude, a reporter – & now an “author” (5 copies, LOL) … just can’t hold down a job for shit, can he?

 
 

What’s next, after National Teabagging Day? Why, hold a series of mock slave auctions, of course, because paying taxes is every bit as terrible as being sold into slavery.

If you want to see the Republicans go here, then go to Rebuild the Party and vote it up!

 
Marion in Savannah
 

Sweet bleeding baby Jesus… I thought you were joking about the slave auctions…. [bangs head on desk]

 
 

“America has always been a kick-butt, take-names kind of country.”
Kicking butts and taking names? We are back to SomeNYGuy’s behaviour at family weddings.

 
 

Marion, I cheated on that one. I posted it myself. I doubt it’ll get any traction, but a man can dream, can’t he?

 
 

Who is this Grover Norquist of which we so often speak? Has he done something astounding, such as putting 10 ping-pong balls in his mouth, or heroic: say,landed a jet safely in the Hudson River; or achieved a high award such as the Nobel in Economics -that we (or our media) heed his every stupid word? Pshaw!

 
 

….and that goes for Joe-Teh-Plumber too.

 
 

octomom has been offered $! million for a porno. i suggest “joe” as co-star.

 
Principal Blackman
 

Somewhat OT, but does anybody know of any CPAC infiltrators this year? That thing is gonna be like a LARP of failblog, and it would be a shame if we missed out on all the comedy for lack of an eyeball witness or two.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

David said,
February 26, 2009 at 12:24
I’m sure Larry Craig has some ideas for Tea Room parties.

Tea hee hee! If (channeling concern troll Glenn Beck), hypothetically, one had a (strictly hypothetical here) rat-fucking disposition, one could place an ad on Craigslist characterizing these events as free tea dances.

 
 

Currently ranked as THE MOST HELPFUL FAVORABLE REVIEW of Joe the Plunger’s opus dopus on Amazon.com:

http://www.amazon.com/review/R3UN1L7ZZ5S2YF/ref=cm_cr_rdp_perm

Yes, I’m a Patriotic American and inordinately proud of myself.

 
 

i fixed it for you, Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist:

It’s a wingnut impulse related to the one that drove the unsigning of the International Criminal Court treaty because our soldiers and politicians would be wrongly accused of war crimes in the, um, war of aggression we were about forced to start.

 
 

SomeNYGuy–

“Inordinately”? I won’t hear of it. I found your review helpful!

 
 

Thanks, Mr. W.

And check out the tags! I only contributed a few; some of them are priceless.

 
 

Every time I try to read this post, my head explodes, because I keep reading “my bestest ever friend WTF Freire” as Paolo Freire, a Brazilian hero of edumacation. Hence brains on the desk.

And Lawnguylander, I was about to remark on your toad-elevating moment thing, commenting that you must be a closet Python fan, but when I googled for an appropriate link, all kinds of weirdness showed up, so maybe you’re quoting that instead?

 
 

Hey, SomeNYGuy, I found your review helpful. And I loved the tags – particularly ‘dog vomit’ and ‘total retard’ as well as the more popular ones.

So America sometimes can be the land where a man gets what he deserves.

 
 

Nah, Oompa-Loompas are good guys. Grover’s entourage is more like the Gronka-Lonkas.

 
 

Who is this Grover Norquist of which we so often speak? Has he done something astounding, such as putting 10 ping-pong balls in his mouth, or heroic: say,landed a jet safely in the Hudson River; or achieved a high award such as the Nobel in Economics -that we (or our media) heed his every stupid word? Pshaw!

Or was he the inspiration for the most ineffectual Muppet?

 
 

You think I’m a weak sister? When I sleep with John Fund, he’s the bottom.

 
 

I read it again, just for fun.

 
 

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