This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You
Helen Evans
Peter and Helen Evans, the Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie of Renew America, have a question they want answered: “Won’t someone give a true definition of torture?” And, of course, who better to give that answer than the Evanses themselves? If I wanted such a definition, clearly the best people to give it would be two real estate agents who have studied the question carefully by watching a few episodes of 24:
Let’s consider the little kid who maliciously pulls the wings off flies, who burns ants with a magnifying glass. The kid may just want to see what will happen to the creatures he torments. But when he gets a thrill out of the power and control over the helpless creatures, that’s torture.
Tell that to the flies and ants, of course, who may not really care whether junior is a budding Dr. Frist or a Jack Bauer wannabe.
But, of course, Peter and Helen aren’t really going to try to draw an analogy between pulling the wings off flies to, say, knee-capping humans, are they? They aren’t really going to say that it’s okay to pull someone’s fingernails out as long as you don’t enjoy it, are they? Sadly, yes:
So, while we are glued to the screen watching Jack Bauer interrogate a suspect with “his own methods,” which some might consider torture, we always see that he stops when they tell him what he needs to know. He’s not enjoying it, and he’s not punishing. That would be torture.
So, let’s say Peter and Helen screwed someone in a real estate deal and then the victim waterboarded them in his basement. That wouldn’t be torture if the purpose of the waterboarding was to teach them a lesson and make an example of them. It would only be torture if he enjoyed it.
And for you snarky SadlyNauts who claim that it was torture for me to make you click through the link to Peter and Helen’s article, or to make you look at their picture, well, let me just say that it hurts me to make you do that more than it hurts you. Truly.
This is the worst definition of torture in the entire world. Also fuck Bill Frist.
Wow that is really truly one of the more stupid Republican arguments for torture. The person being tortured of course are going to tell you what you want to hear it doesn’t mean they are telling you the truth.
THEY WANT YOU TO STOP TORTURING THEM!!! IT DOES NOT MATTER IF YOU LIKE TORTURING THEM!!
The goal of interrogation is to get information that can be used that is based in reality not what the person being tortured thinks you want to hear.
So if I don’t enjoy skull-fucking cobag real estate agents then it’s ok? Exxxxxcellent.
Knowing that their picture is not photoshopped is torture.
It’s amazing; I saw the picture, and thought “American Gothic,” before I saw the pitchfork.
Pitch perfect.
Are these the kinds of Christians who advocate beating their children to make them behave? I wonder.
These people are truly repugnant. The Little Eichmanns are collectively preparing a new Nuremberg defense for themselves.
i enjoyed that.
It’s really amusing how the much-maligned situational ethics of Teh Clenis are being used by the wingnutz to justify (not)torture.
For the former advocates of an ethics of duty, how…situational.
As we all know, this sort of shit is now standard practice for wingnuts, but I’m still awestruck by the moral vacuity of people who openly acknowledge that their sense of right and wrong is based on what they’ve learned from a fucking TV series.
Won’t someone give a true definition of torture?
Semantics. Let me learn you them.
Honestly, though, pitchfork aside, are they genuinely trying to do American Gothic there or what?
The strategic question is: what information did the ant cough up before the magnifying glass incinerated it? What if it was a reconnaissance ant for jihad on innocent kitchen comestibles? This goes ditto for the de-winging of flies.
It’s a crazy, upside down world out there, and I think Peter and Helen are making a lot of sense here. Even moreso in their previous article, A new class of slaves — the rich.
Two real estate agents in their 50s/60s. They’re conservative, so they probably put all their money in the stock market. Don’t they have enough to worry about?
Yes, those 15th century Jew weren’t tortured; they just needed to be encouraged to ‘come to jesus’…the same way Jack Bauer ‘encourages’ people to tell the truth….
Well, the pitchfork WAS added. I checked. Still.
Say, which one is supposed to be Brad Pitt and which one is supposed to be Angelina Jolie?
So why do they think that if someone who doesn’t think a blastocyst is a living human being gets an abortion it’s still murder?
Ok, so say I come out of Kroger, and there’s a big scratch down the side of my car. Peter and Helen are sitting in their 2002 Park Avenue in the spot right next to my car on the side with the huge gouge on it. I knock on the side window to ask if they know anything about the gouge on my car. They swear they don’t, but I can tell they’re lying. So I pull a gun on them, hood them, force them into my car, and take them to a secret location where I tie them up into stress positions while they’re standing in tubs of icewater, attach electrodes to their genitals, and put Celene Dion on a high-volume loop while I go to work on them hammer and tongs. Finally, just before passing out, Peter admits to scratching my car. Which is a good thing, because I feel really icky about the stuff I’ve been doing (especially the genital electrodes thing – no one should ever have to see that when putting electrodes on anyone) and I really don’t enjoy treating anyone that way, especially white bread asshats, so thank goodness it’s not torture but what choice did they leave me? None, I tell you, none.
Later on after I’ve left the interrogation room and I’m trying to figure out whether or not I should release them from detention, I take a closer look at the car and notice the gouge on it has yellow paint chips embedded which don’t match the Evans’ silver Park Avenue, which would suggest that perhaps another vehicle caused the damage before Helen and Peter ever pulled into the parking spot. But Peter confessed to it so case closed, and I didn’t enjoy victimizing him so no harm done.
See how well that worked out?
But when he gets a thrill out of the power and control over the helpless creatures, that’s torture.
No, you idiots, that’s sadism. Don’t you even know the English language?
http://peterandhelenevans.com/
I expected to see something, anything about their real estate business.
Sadly, no!
Just wall-to-wall preachiness. What a fun couple!
Oh my bleeping gawd…
This is from their blog:
The stupid! It burns!
Now these are Veracity’s kind of people! OK, V., we’ll take the Obamas and you get the Evans’. Enjoy those quiet evenings watching “24” with your new BFFs.
They’re Christians, right? Ergo, it’s only bad if you enjoy it.
(I read Jennifer’s scratched-car anecdote with deep pleasure. But then…oh, how my heart sank when I looked a second time and saw that it said,”…SAY I come out of Kroger…” It was all a dream!)
You’ve only scratched the surface of the self-parody served up to us, free of charge, by Peter and Helen.
Knowing that Obama will be inaugurated in a couple of days, it’s a joyful experience to page through wingnut memorabilia like the Peter and Helen online photo album (at peterandhelenevans dot com). A couple of my favorites — the section entitled, “George Allen — Our Next President,” and the photo captioned, “Yes, you can have fun with an ‘assault rifle.'”
In the “minds” of Peter and Helen, George Allen’s qualifications for the presidency were his, “winning smile, cowboy boots, [and] tin of smokeless tobacco in his jeans pocket.” Of course, “an added benefit would be that the Left and the Europeans would have to deal with another ‘cowboy’… a ‘cowboy from a football family’ no less!”
A George Allen presidency! Sadly, no!
The “I Cried myself to sleep after every pain induced confession” defense?
And we wonder how the real estate bubble happened…
Don’t wingnuts claim liberals have “situational ethics?”
I guess Josef Mengele gets off the hook by this standard, since he really did want to find out how long someone could be immersed in ice water before dying of hypothermia.
i find the idea of using 48 minutes of television to map the ramifications of foreign policy decisions so very appealing. instead of taking time and energy to responsibly stay informed about what agencies of my government do in my name, i can just watch television on monday nights.
indeed, i would very much like to hear a politician make a stump speech using ‘golden girls’ and ‘stargate:atlantis’ as examples of how they will provide healthcare or infrastructure improvements.
if they enjoyed writing that artical, does that make them guilty of torture? Cause I hurt, I hurt real bad now after reading it.
The torture will continue until intel improves. Thank you, that is all.
“It’s not illegal if the President feels bad afterward.”
From Peter and Helen’s Our lunch with Al Regnery (bon appétit, mofos!):
Yup!
“We at TVA feel really bad, tearful even, at the mess we’ve left in your yard. We at TVA truly hope our sadness helps you clean up the mess.”
“Cletis and I cried through every lynching. That’s gotta count for something.”
“Well, yes Peter does have his ‘needs’, but we’re both sobbing the whole time so it works out in the end.”
What ugly, ugly people.
That photgraph should be titled “The Gruesome Twosome”.
“Sure there weren’t any WMDs in Iraq, but I made a video mocking myself. That SHOULD have been more than enough.”
but I’m still awestruck by the moral vacuity of people who openly acknowledge that their sense of right and wrong is based on what they’ve learned from a fucking TV series.
Uhhh, how about Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers? Big moral influence for early me. Later me also got a good dose of brain food from The Wire regarding the impossibility of moral action in many situations.
“It was the counting, the incessant fucking counting, your honor.”
Shucks! That sort of talk sure does sound suspicously familiar, does it not?
Meet the new fuckheads – same as the old fuckheads.
I did not enjoy embezzling 5 billion dollars, your honor. It was something I had to do!
Jennifer, you would play Celene Dion for them? Big mistake, I’m sure they love Celene Dion. Absolutely love her.
A George Allen presidency! Sadly, no!
Welcome to Black Lord Obama’s Big Black America, white macacas!
The interesting irony is that Darth Scalia argued that torture was not cruel and unusual punishment because torture was NOT punishment. Is it too much to ask for wingnuts to be self-consistent?
More of those conservative family values we keep hearing about on display for the whole world to loath.
I think we should transplant their argument to the War on Drugs. “Your honor, my client may be shooting up six hundred dollars’ worth of heroin a day, but he is not enjoying it, and therefore is not a drug offender.” “Counsel makes an excellent point. Case dismissed!”
Meet the new fuckheads – same as the old fuckheads.
And thus it always has been with conservatives. They are a gaping moral abyss filled with opportunistic self absorption and greed.
Rudy G weighs in on whether waterboarding is torture: “It depends on how it’s done. It depends on the circumstances. It depends on who does it.” To be fair, if a great mind and former presidential candidate Rudy Josef Giuliani agrees with Pete and Helen, maybe they’re on to something…
This is funny seems he Firefox doesn’t like the site either.
http://www.peterandhelenevans.com/blog
Reported Attack Site!
This web site at http://www.peterandhelenevans.com has been reported as an attack site and has been blocked based on your security preferences.
Attack sites try to install programs that steal private information, use your computer to attack others, or damage your system.
Some attack sites intentionally distribute harmful software, but many are compromised without the knowledge or permission of their owners.
Wow, that site is chock-full of woo-woos. Look at this one:
http://www.renewamerica.us/columns/bresciani/090117
Double-wow factor of wingnuttery, idiocy, and obsession still with the birth certificate thing. He also seems to think Obama’s real name is Barry Soetero.
Worth a read if you want some real Sunday funnies.
The goal of interrogation is to get information that can be used that is based in reality not what the person being tortured thinks you want to hear.
Which is why wingnuts love torture. Reality-based information always contradicts their worldview. The very idea of (a) beating a helpless human being until (b) he tells you what you want to hear thrills every wingnut to the center of his or her rotted soul.
BP’s comment about how Peter and Helen Evans worship Macaca is true, and this pic of the three retards is perfect:
http://www.peterandhelenevans.com/pho-nxtprez.html
God, their website is truly a horror. They just about provide their street address in one set of pics with a caption that tells us they live across from Catholic University. Their views of “diversity,” Kerry and his Vietnam service, and fox-hunting make them as repugnant as any rightwing christian I have ever seen.
Why would anyone use their real estate “services”?
So these are the two who provide spirtual guidance to Ace of Spades.
And thus it always has been with conservatives
Sic semper futuos cranialus.
Sic semper futuos cranialus.
Insanus mentis in corruptus corpus
This video of theirs is way better than anything anyone else has posted about the psycho Evans:
http://peterandhelenevans.com/video-page.html
Would someone please post the URL for their real estate agency.
All right, I’ll amend my statement –
“…from a fucking TV series that uses torture as an entertainment device.”
That should take care of your objections, unless there was a ‘Mister Rogers Visits Unit 731’ episode that I don’t know about.
That should take care of your objections, unless there was a ‘Mister Rogers Visits Unit 731? episode that I don’t know about.
Well, there are some adults I know who consider watching Mr. Rogers a form torture in its own right.
Worth a read if you want some real Sunday funnies.
Thanks for the tip; that really was hilarious. While I’m glad to see that some wingnuts are still yammering about the birth certificate “controversy”, and while the column has many great howlers, I liked especially this failed attempt at a sentence:
If Barack Obama has no more standing than an American Idol winner when the nation gets the drift wouldn’t he be waking a sleeping giant to his own dismay?
He just packs so much pure stupid into that one string of words. He confuses “standing” (here, meaning “eligibility”) with “election results”, uses forty-year-old slang, tosses in a cliche, and leaves the reader wondering if Obama will self-dismay a giant.
But mostly, what does Bresciani have against using commas?
It’s about time someone godwined up this thread, so I’ll do it. The Evanses would have been really good “good Germans”. They would have said things like, “sure, the jews may have had it bad in the camps, but think of how awful the guards must have felt!”
Well, there are some adults I know who consider watching Mr. Rogers a form torture in its own right.
I considered it a torture when I was a kid. I always thought he was speaking down to kids, slowly, like we were stupid, and it pissed me off. I hated Scooby-Doo too; I couldn’t see the point in watching a bunch of stupid teenagers get fooled week after week after week by a guy with a projector…I figured, if I’m 7 and I know the ghost is just gonna be a guy with a projector, why the fuck can’t these dumbassed teenagers figure it out?
Did I mention I was a strange child?
Peter & Helen Evans:
Jack Bauer may or may not be enjoying it, but Peter & Helen certainly are.
I never cease to be amazed at how frequently conservatives unconsiously, and with complete aplomb, reveal their own dark and twisted souls for their world to gape at in bemused horror.
.
Couple of points: 1) they present their premise as the boy doing his deed against the bug “maliciously”. That pretty much means that it is being done with ill will, does it not? (As opposed to a surgeon who cuts into a person to save a life or cure pain).
2) Since when did we decide on a paradigm shift from the feelings of the torturee to the feelings/motivations of the torturer? The entire law on torture is based on the fact that such acts are by their nature cruel on the victim, NOT on the subjective intent of the perpetrator. I have a feeling that after the John Yoo/Bybee memo and after the past administration, this legal standard has been changed, for the worse (obviously)…
Thoughts?
Peter & Helen Evans:
Jack Bauer may or may not be enjoying it, but Peter & Helen certainly are.
I never cease to be amazed at how frequently conservatives unconsiously, and with complete aplomb, reveal their own dark and twisted souls for their world to gape at in bemused horror.
.
Wait — you mean Obama’s real name isn’t Barry Soetero?
Why . . . why, this changes everything!
Please read this. Fred Rogers developed the style of his show the way he did for a reason, and it wasn’t intended to be condescending. I grew up watching Mister Rogers, and I like to think I was a pretty smart kid, and I never felt talked down to. It might be a regional thing, though, because the way he talked wasn’t unusually slow for a man from his region, and he spoke to adults the same way.
Believe me, I know a lot of couples just like the Evans’. They’re angry cause they’ve lived too long. And such a simple problem for them to solve.
If Barack Obama has no more standing than an American Idol winner when the nation gets the drift wouldn’t he be waking a sleeping giant to his own dismay?
For some unfathomable reason I went to Snopes the other day to read what they said about the birth certificate thang. They ask the excellent question, why oh why would the leading candidate for President of the US risk his entire future on a lie that could be easily demonstrated by a search through public records?
They are primarily reality based folks at Snopes but they obviously don’t undwerstand whingnut like we know whingnut.
It’s been said that part of what kept the Nazis from realizing what they were doing was their tremendous self-pity: “Look at what I, a civilized person, am forced to do in the name of a better world.”
Can we find a wingnut who will admit that 24 is a fictional drama series? If not, I am going to start basing my foreign and domestic policy ideas and stances on 30 Rock.
“We have to win over their hearts and mind grapes.”
Did I mention I was a strange child?
I think we are perhaps two of a kind here. 😎
I never cease to be amazed at how frequently conservatives unconsiously, and with complete aplomb, reveal their own dark and twisted souls for their world to gape at in bemused horror.
That’s what a total lack of self awareness will do for you.
Djur: Thanks for the link. Actually, Latrobe has a third notable export…Arnold Palmer. Mr. Rogers and Palmer speak in very much the same way. I do, too…although I’ve lost most of my regional accent, I still, after all these years, speak at a similar pace, Fred Rogers spoke a little more rapidly in person than he did on TV.
I couldn’t get through the entire video to which JPrice Vincenz links–and who,
in their right mind, could?–but it serves up a lip-smacking array of tasty wingnut classics, including sweeping generalities, proof-by-unsubstantiated-anecdote, ignoring various elephants in various rooms (e.g., if American health care is so good now, and would be so bad if changed, why are we something like no. 32 in life expectancy?), and, of course, “Christianity.” Three stars!
Also, Jennifer, there’s no need to mention it. Every commenter here surely fit that description. It’s probably why we comment here. A prerequisite.
I never liked Mr. Rogers when I was a kid. Where’s the fun if nobody gets an anvil dropped on their head?
Please read this. Fred Rogers developed the style of his show the way he did for a reason, and it wasn’t intended to be condescending. I grew up watching Mister Rogers, and I like to think I was a pretty smart kid, and I never felt talked down to.
Oh, I’m not harshing on Fred – I just couldn’t watch his show when I was a kid. I know he was a genuinely good guy beloved by millions of children. Who weren’t strange children. Like me.
I don’t think regionality had anything to do with it – I grew up in Georgia when it was still mostly Georgians living there and people talked slow. I think it was more a combination of things: that a lot of what he did or talked about during the show was stuff I already knew and so it was boring to me, the make-believe stuff I always could do more satisfactorly for myself, and the touchy-feely stuff was pretty much just lost on me. Fred was all right; he just wasn’t my cup of tea.
I’m still waiting for someone to tell me what kind of actionable intelligence a prisoner who’s been locked up in isolation for 8 years could possibly share.
My God, they just aren’t getting any smarter, are they?
So if I have sex with Brad Pitt but I feel bad about it and I’m only doing it because I couldn’t talk Angelina Jolie into bed … Nah. Somehow I don’t think they’d give me a pass.
This hypothetical makes no sense. First of all, you didn’t put in earplugs before you started playing C.D. Secondly you mention the electrodes on the naughty bits as the worst thing despite the fact that C.D. is ululating in the background.
Do you take us for fools?
I interviewed Fred Rogers in the early 80s. He was just like he is on tv, although he spoke to me as though I were an adult. He made one observation that took me by surprise: He lamented the popularity of the Barbie doll, because with it the activity of girls playing with dolls changed from practicing nurturing and being a mother, to hanging out with a friend. Sweet guy, who in retrospect makes me want to strangle and stuff Barney all the more.
What I find remarkable is that the bio of Fred Rogers that Djur linked was at rotten.com. To me that makes perfect sense: the purveyors of rottenness are saying, in effect, “Ours is a site that demonstrates that humanity is brutally flawed, to the point of hilarity. However, there is another interpretation.”
I myself am a die-hard Fred Rogers fan. When I was an alcoholic fuckup in a North Oakland dive, contemplating the ruins of my future, he sang to me a little song about how I could never go down the drain. The guy personifies human goodness. Of course, one cannot take a steady diet of watching human goodness any more than one can stomach unrelieved depravity. Fred Rogers is strong medicine, to be taken in small doses.
However, when definitions are vague or deliberately blurred, confusion and discord result. Let’s first get a straight definition of torture — which includes why and when these methods are used — not just the techniques and whether or not they leave scars. Only then we can have a meaningful discussion. Only then can we establish meaningful policies.
Uh,….it’s called The Geneva #%^$@&! Conventions(not to mention The US Constitution, and various US laws) . I (unfortunately – *sigh*) went to their site , hoping to poiint that out. Nope . I did see a blurb for their book . GET SERIOUS:Who ever said Christianity was nice?
Me: Jesus?
GET SERIOUS:Who ever said Christianity was nice?
I do believe that it says so all through the New Testament, if you skip over the delusional rantings of St. John the Batshit Crazy and the worst excesses of St. Paul the Hallucinatory. Something about a loving, forgiving God making room for all the sinners, the poor, and outcasts. Then again, I actually read the whole thing (unlike most Talibangelicals and wrongwingers), so what do I know.
From Peter and Helen’s blog:
Let’s talk about this No Comments
Let’s discuss No Comments
Let’s talk about this. 1 Comment
What do you think? No Comments
So, let’s hear from you . No Comments
There are lots of people out there not able to make it to our talks so we thought this blog would be a good way to encourage you to investigate these topics with others.
This video of theirs is way better than anything anyone else has posted about the psycho Evans:
http://peterandhelenevans.com/video-page.html
You are totally right. Worth it for seeing Peter say “condoms on cucumbers” ALONE. I think we found Ned Flander’s father, btw.
True, Jesus was all that but I just can’t get over his foot fetish. All the time with the foot washing already. I’m just not into it, okay already?
Couldn’t have been said better by a suicide bomber or a jihadist sawing off the head of a Jewish journalist. Obviously anything our side does for our cause can’t be wrong. Just like if the president does it, it’s not illegal.
Are we supposed to believe that the guards at Abu Ghraib weren’t having a grand old time? Those shit-eating grins on the photos were just a cover for how tough it was to strip men naked and stack them into pyramids? Or sic dogs on them? Or beat them bloody?
That George W. Bush doesn’t get a kick out hearing about the “enhanced interrogation” sessions in Gitmo? Does he ask for videos “just to make sure”?
Guess that makes it “torture.”
Torture’s a lot like spanking the kids. How many times did you hear mom and dad say, “This hurts me more than it hurts you.”
When I clicked on the Evans’ blog, my virus detector shouted “MALWARE DETECTED. ABORT!”
The video has full of nuttery goodness (diversity workshops = jail) but as a person who knows what it feels like standing next to someone without anything to do while on tv I almost feel badly for her. Almost.
Many cynics are suppressed sentimentalists. And often not very suppressed.
Come now, in their very first paragraph, after oxygen-tank gaspy conflation of “the news” & 24, they do admit there’s something called the “real world.” They stay away from it after that, of course, but they do admit it’s there.
“Everyone?” (Are they keeping a list?) Being old & wretched doesn’t make one “adult,” it makes one whiny & annoying.
P.S.: It’s entirely, completely about punishment. Maybe academic, legalist jagoffs like John Woo are ignorant enough to believe that “enhanced interrogation” really will save us from the powerful Islamic Navy of God w/ its supercarriers & nukes, but the CIA spook in the field, or the MPs & contract interrogators at Abu Ghraib (not to double out any groups) know they’rre not gaining anything but revenge, & don’t care.
Just like if the president does it, it’s not illegal.
After Tuesday presidents who do illegal stuff should be impeached/jailed/whatever, but the past is past and we should let bygones be bygones*.
*offer not valid for Clenis or History’s Greatest Monster.
A new class of slaves — the rich by Peter & Helen Evans
Bill and Helen, the new slaves of America.
Mmmm. I love their use of the phrase “a reasonable, adult point of view” in this context
Evidently, anyone who is uneasy with the idea of applying unbearable pain to other human beings is just being an irrational and infantile poopyhead.
After Tuesday presidents who do illegal stuff should be impeached/jailed/whatever
After Tuesday, presidents who even think anything the wrong wing doesn’t like must automatically be flown to a CIA black site, waterboarded and torutured to secure a confession, then subject to a public show trial to be followed by a public execution on the Washington Mall.
Guess my comments are being deleted b/c I can’t find any evidence that either of them is any kind of real estate agent. That’s not within bounds even the self-circumcising bounds that we on the left adhere to, such as not printing MMalkin’s address when she repeatedly does it to people not on the right?
The Evans claim to be real estate agents; I don’t think that is a true statement. Other than their so-called profession, what authority can they claim except that they arrived at their current philosophies after moving through various new age schools of thought, which is info they provide.
And as for their address, on their page, they display pics of Catholic Univ, which they claim, in the caption, is immediately across the street from their home. That info is just three clicks from your hypelrink.
I’ve posted this question before: why don’t we bring toothpicks to baseball games?
Sorry: Why do We bring…
The analogy sucks. I was going to write ” a knife to a gunfight” but felt it was too martial. I hope you get my intended meaning.
Probably I am wrong about deletion: I found my comments WAY up the page. Sorry!
“It sure hurt me to lie to you about all the improvements that haven’t been made to the house I just sold you, but now that the sale is final I’m sure you can understand that I had to make the sale so it didn’t matter what I told you and I feel bad about that but it wasn’t done to punish you but make me richer so you being angry is just childish.”
The Evans’ personal photo pages reveal more about their psyche. Creepy doesn’t begin to describe these two.
The Evans’ write up of cookie-cutter bland and overpriced real estate they call “the breeding grounds” for “breeders” and “incubating units.” …townhomes used by the first-time breeders; usually a small child or two occupy these incubation units.
By reforestation they mean the few shrubs “the incubators” have planted in a landscape raped of trees by the developer.
“America was designed by and for people like me.” Seems Bill and Helen are newish ‘southern-minded’ Americans.
Bill Evans with ‘Senator George Allen Our Next President’
I could only get through a minute of the video before Teh Stoopid turned me into a newt.
I’m better now.
So if they’re immigrants where are they from?
Many cynics are suppressed sentimentalists. And often not very suppressed.
Or as I heard it, “A cynic is a romantic that’s been hurt by someone or something.”
Really, if you want to examine the sentimentality of rotten.com, check out Paul Lynde’s story. It’s so sad, but it clear there’s a love for the flamboyant guy.
Bill Evans mentions being in the Okanagan so he may have been Canadian. It’s odd that he doesn’t mention anything about his country of origin. It seems his past was rendered moot the minute he became an American.
All right! These loons are reviving the infamous lucky duckie talking point. Earlier in the decade several Wall Street Journal op-eds insisted that the poor are actually much better off than the rich, providing rich material for ridicule before the argument was laughed out of existence.
It’s always a pleasure to see long-dead wingnuttery rising from the grave.
i wonder how many times they’ve eaten and choked on this column in the last year.
i wonder how many times they’ve eaten and choked on this column in the last year.
None. Having no self awareness and being batshit crazy delusional talibangelical conservatards renders them impervious to reality.
So when did Larry David change his name and go over to the dark side?
Remembering the virtue of war in which Helen Evans compares war to knee surgery – and claims that if the liberal media could demonize a knee replacement it would – may be the batshittiest column she has ever written.
This was an actual ruling in a British court regarding torturing IRA members: It’s not torture because it had a purpose.
There is a serious dictionary kind of problem with these people. They have sadism confused with torture and I’m not sure how the hell this happened. If you have this confusion, torture is wrong. I can’t fucking believe I live on a planet where you have to expain this but there it is folks. If you get a woody about drowning people or sicking dogs on them or not, you still can’t do it.
I call shenanigans. Surely these are pranksters who have infiltrated RenewAm in order to discredit it by posting photographs that shout out “our souls have died and are rotting within us”, and specious arguments of the “obfuscate the clear definition of an existing word in order to claim that it is vaguely defined and substitute one’s own meaning” variety. No-one could come this close to writing an apologia for Himmler [no relation] unless they were actually trying.
Even allowing for the hyper-vigilance that comes from the fear of being pwned, I still call shenanigans.
No-one could come this close to writing an apologia for Himmler [no relation] unless they were actually trying.
Just proof that if you locked a hundred wingnut bloggers in a room with unlimited Cheetos and Mountain Dew and gave them enough time, they would ultimately randomly replicate Mein Kampf in its entirety.
“So when did Larry David change his name and go over to the dark side?”
Just after he waged a battle w/ cancer & lost fifty lbs. And dark side is right. Note that Peteris in an Orthodox Church. Can’t get much more reactionary. Or iconic.
If of, by, & for AmeriKKKans, it’s just fine. Others need not apply, the barbarians!
I myself am a die-hard Fred Rogers fan.
Me too. I met him about the time Mr. Wonderful interviewed him, and formed the same impression he did. I think it was 1983, when he did a live show with the Utah Youth Symphony. I attended the event and got his autograph, even though I was in my late teens by then and no longer interested in his show. I figured I owed it to my former kindergartner self to go meet him when I had the chance. I was about Mr. Rogers when I was five.
Here they are with their pals at GOPUSA, the courageous lefty-fighter Zel Miller, uberpatriot G.G. Liddy, and other assorted goopers.
http://www.peterandhelenevans.com/pho-vips.html
If you follow the link , the virtual Himmlers are currently busy defending torture in that special wingnut way .
http://www.gopusa.com/forum/showthread.php?t=56992
As with the usual wingnut protocol, registering must be done through an ISP email , and is heavily supervised . (Mine’s not working, so have to pass) If you feel so inclined, try to comment, then the Register thingy will come up .
Really, it’s RenewAmerica. What else is there to say?
What’s really profoundly frightening is that this isn’t a low point in the debate on torture; the people who actually decide we should be torturing people think with about the same sophistication and logic as the worst RenewAmerica hacks. It’s frightening.
Bush would have us believe that there’s a difference between “torture” and “causing someone such severe pain that they’ll betray their most deeply held convictions to make it stop”.
At least these RenewAmerica dorks have come up with a definition that goes beyond “It’s not torture because we say so”.
Have Peter and ofPeter Evans ever been seen in the same room as Gen. JC Christian, Patriot? I think not.
Oh, I’m not harshing on Fred – I just couldn’t watch his show when I was a kid. I know he was a genuinely good guy beloved by millions of children. Who weren’t strange children. Like me.
I was a strange kid too– but with Mr. Rogers I think it was just that I preferred the livelier antics of Zoom and Sesame Street. If I wanted to be quiet and contemplative I went and read. Or went out into the yard to look at bugs.
Just to ruin Sunday, Day by Day at Big Ho.
No, that definitely hurt me more.
Looking at those photos… just remember when you’re pining for wingnut welfare that this is the price you have to pay. You have to suck up to people like this. When they offer their ass you have to promptly tend to it. Still worth it?
Oh wow, from their “Citizenship” photo page we get this:
How do you parody that? Let’s see:
Can’t do it without Godwining yourself.
Just to ruin your Sunday, a Sunday-length version of Day By Day at Pig Hollywood.
Bonus: A comment from Dan Surber:
“Now,” he types. Now, it’s officially a con site? Just now?
A) Word Press sucks.
B) I made a mistake, or have lost my mad reading skillz.
The choice is obvious.
Now, it’s officially a con site?
But of course. With the addition of Muir it is officially and irrevocably totally tasteless and pointless. What could be more conservative?
One of the main editors at Rotten Library is Tristan A. Farnon, also known as Spigot of Jerkcity fame, as well as the author of a great deal of purportedly amazing short fiction in the early days of the Internet (which he later had systematically expunged, much to the dismay of his fans). Cynical sentimentality is what he does, and it’s particularly well demonstrated in his Leisure Town comic, one of the Internet’s lost masterpieces. QA Confidential and Winter Pageant are his two masterworks, while others like Dog Messiah go all-in for sentiment and What Do People Do All Day and Geniuses are straight-up cynicism.
And then there’s The Deal With Las Vegas.
I couldn’t bear to actually read it, but I did notice the guy apparently wearing sunglasses in bed. I guess he’s just that cool.
I don’t know guys. I think writing this crap is part of some bizarre sex ritual.
“Oh Peter, ravage me, ravage me just like you ravage logic and language!”
“Oh Helen! The way you blur the line between fictional TV shows and fact, rrrr!”
Oh I’m sorry, were you trying to eat?
They live in DC? oh, they’re going to LOVE these next few days! Millions of happy Democrats descending on DC to party!!! It’s wingnut hell!
Again with the 24?
Jack Bauer has hacked and slashed his way through history, saving Los Angles from blowing u….
What?
Oh.
Really, tho. Which one of those two wears the ball gag?
The fact is, you liberals have once again got it all backwards. Just because your boy Obama presumes to be inaugurated on Tuesday, after the false holiday MLK day (how appropriate), you have no idea how real Americans in the Heartland think. We think things you say are torture are only torture for wimps. We think USA has the right to torture to get information and save lifes. We think you are biased hard left in the Media.
we had only a few channels when i was growing up, and mister rogers’ neighborhood was one of two television shows we really watched (sesame street was the other).
my brother and i both wrote letters to mister rogers when we were small—maybe three and six—and he wrote back to both of us. they were real, typewritten letters that answered specifically the questions we had asked. they were signed in pen, and each envelope included an 8.5×11 glossy photo, also autographed.
my brother kept his letter tacked to his bedroom wall all through high school. mister rogers had included a note complimenting my brother’s “writing” (the little kid scribbles he had added in crayon to the letter he had dictated to my mom) and telling him that he was doing a great job learning new things and growing up.
when i read that article, i realized that i remember all the words to that song about being angry, and i definitely got all teary when i read what he said at the end of every show: “you’ve made this day a special day by just your being you. There’s no person in the whole world like you, and I like you just the way you are.”
I wonder: if that joyless looking son of a bitch managed to find another woman who would allow him between her legs, and thus cheated on his wife, would she accept “but I didn’t enjoy it, so it wasn’t really cheating” as an answer?
Don’t strain too hard trying to come up with an answer. That way lies madness.
This comment sucks. I’m sorry 🙁
I’m sure they’ve fled the vicinity and are holed up in an undisclosed location with the first season of 24.
The fact is, you liberals are all biased and full of hate about USA and our proud victories, especially of Bush and Freedom, you want to pretend all the terrorist attacks, wghich are Clinton’s fault, are Bushes, but they are not. Obama’s election guarantees we will get hit again.
Haha, Surber and Muir mentioned in the same comment! Remembering those two makes me feel better about my previous comment 🙂
Just to ruin Sunday, Day by Day at Big Ho.
a Sunday-length version of Day By Day at Pig Hollywood.
Either is good.
M. Bouffant, a strange & precocious child, said,
January 19, 2009 at 0:46
Just to ruin Sunday, Day by Day at Big Ho.
=====================================================
I see the idjut has managed to mangle the GOP Big Lie wrt to the real estate bubble.
Shorter Gary
“I am with the terrorists”
For the median family with two children, earning $67,000 per year, the Bush plan would mean a tax cut of $1,133 this year, erasing 22% of their current tax liability. A family earning only $40,000 would see 96% (!) of their tax liability erased, while a family earning $200,000 would see only 9% of their tax liability erased. So, who’s really getting the most benefit?
Oh fer fucks’s sake. Here we go again with the perecentage racket.
We’re in the middle of the annual budget process at my job. So while my department has to reduce one of our critical line items like building supplies from $100,000 to $80,000, and another department decides to reduce their annual “employee birthday party celebration” line item from $1000 to zero, obivously they are taking a bigger hit, because we’re only cutting by 20% while they’re cutting out 100%.
stryx
“Really, tho. Which one of those two wears the ball gag?”
Oh he does, absolutely. That is, when he isn’t busy serving as a human toilet.
Either is good. Or once is enough.
Thanks. The first one disappeared just long enough to try my patience & re-appeared just in time to embarrass me.
A couple of song suggestions for the inauguration to help the wingnuts blow more gaskets.
Jefferson Airplane’s Volunteers and We Can Be Together.
“We are all outlaws in the eyes of the” wingnuts…
Let’s consider the little kid who maliciously pulls the wings off flies, who burns ants with a magnifying glass. The kid may just want to see what will happen to the creatures he torments. But when he gets a thrill out of the power and control over the helpless creatures, that’s torture. Take that same kid when he grows up to be Saddam Hussein and he enjoys more than just watching what happens when he tortures his human victims. There are other reasons he might torture.
Those are the GOOD reasons.
Cardinal Tompkinsye Bloated’s Goldfish Pretzel
Ingredients:
1 goldfish
3 pinches celestial toad
1 bunch noxious cherry, sugared
3 jars esoteric black prickleback nose, braised
6 teaspoons paprika
7 cups thyme
Pick over the ingredients obligedly and discard excess plasticine. Cream the goldfish with a large garlic press. Combine the toad with the cherry over medium heat in a skillet. Slather resulting goo over the goldfish. Pepper – very compulsively – the black prickleback nose, paprika, and the thyme. Heap the latter combination on to the former. Fry in mangabey oil for 17 hours. Serves 15 biological enemies with cryptic stomachs.
A couple of song suggestions for the inauguration to help the wingnuts blow more gaskets.
I’m going with an early, live version of ‘Paint it Black.’ One where Mick’s wearing a sports coat.
this one.
I don’t wish to alarm anybody, but Chris Muir’s comic masterpiece, Day by Day, is now on Breitbart’s Big Hollywood site.
This is the sort dangerous confluence that can create a Nor’easter of Teh Stoopid.
I suppose I should’ve actually read this thread before posting about the Day by Day-Breitbart connection. D’oh! I feel dumber than Chris Muir now.
Gotta love them wingnut site Google ads. Haiku for the internets.
Private First Class Makasi Archbishop’s Crackpot Worm Eel Sauerkraut
Now, for this one, there is little doubt in my mind that if anyone tries making it on their own just by following the recipe, it would flop. I know because that’s what happened to me. However, I went to the person who made these once, and got all the secrets – just for you! Aren’t I generous?
Ingredients:
7 bags worm eel, quickly crisped
1 eggplant
1 gallon orderly fresh Hispanic-style cheese, stupified scrambled
7 cans spinefoot whisker, primitively candied
1 bunch baking soda
6 bunches sage
Begin praying. Separate worm eel foot from tongue. Mock tongue. Use a food processor to stir the fresh Hispanic-style cheese with the eggplant. Stuff the resulting potion into the worm eel. Find some Izarra and drink it. Butter – very complaisantly – the spinefoot whisker, baking soda, and the sage. Heap the latter combination on to the former. Fry in fainting goat oil for 60 minutes. Serves 1.
Amber Pawlik module in trouble:
Zookeeper Lorretta Elena’s Kind Flagtail Ball
All you do is get flagtail and put soy sauce and basil on top of it before balling it. That – putting those seasonings on top – is the secret. Bake the meat, then put it on top of some mole bowel. Put cannibalistic cream (at all grocery stores, make sure to get this cannibalistic cream too) over top of it. Put it in the microwave for 210 seconds. You can add to it whatever you want. Some people put a layer of odorous mimolette cheese on it and just eat it like that. Some people put a layer of fluffy mimolette cheese on it and just eat it like that. I chop up liver, plastic curd cheeses and vegetable and put them on top, as well as salamander colon. WARNING: You will never be able to order flagtail at a restaurant or bar ever again, as they simply won’t measure up to the ones you can make at home.
Rats, duplicate line.
Also some rats would have been nice.
Photograph of Peter Evans needs a monocle instead of glasses. Also a discreet totenkopf lapel-pin instead of the flag. Otherwise it is perfect.
So by now you’ve all heard about this police state bullshit wherein we “disappear” CIA assets when they say things we don’t want to hear. If you haven’t yet, check out her letter to cousin Andy:
http://img.scoop.co.nz/media/pdfs/0710/LindauerToCardLetterJan2003.pdf
Good times, good times.
That’s a fucking relief.
Can’t get enough of that petroleum distillate curd cheese though.
Hey, check it out, this guy says “Help “Renew America!”
Man Chris Muir is weird looking.
Who does he remind me of? I want to say “Hobo John Waters” but that doesn’t seem quite right.
Let’s consider the little kid who maliciously pulls the wings off flies, who burns ants with a magnifying glass.
Note conspicuous omission of blown-up frogs.
Again I suspect that these people are doing a number on their readers’ heads.
Someone please tell me that these monsters don’t have any kids.
Yeah, these rightards are what they are. But…how much more mileage can you get out of finding the stupidest rightwads out there and ridiculing them? I enjoy it as much as the next guy, but somehow….it’s getting a little hollow. What else can we do?
They give me the creeps.
And not in a “sadomasochistic, give me nine and make it hurt” kind of way, which might be fun, except with them.
Bottom Picker: No, absolutely not. Every time these retards rear their heads, they need to be slapped down. Scorn and ridicule are the best weapons against this kind of wankery.
I enjoy it as much as the next guy, but somehow….it’s getting a little hollow. What else can we do?
Pull their wings off?
Burn them with a magnifying glass?
I’d enjoy that.
/thread
Flat-out fanfuckingtastic.
What else can we do?
Personally, I’d like to see a catch-&-release education initiative … a global one.
R. Bubba–
Have you considered publishing a cook book? Put me down for ten.
This is possibly the second tastiest version of the “redefine a wrong so that I’m not guilty of it” I’ve ever seen. By way of comparison, I present Eric Raymond’s “The Post-Racial Hall of Mirrors“. In short, there are two kinds of racism–the kind where Eric thinks he’s a racist, and the kind where other people think Eric is a racist. Eric doesn’t like the latter, and Eric doesn’t feel like a racist, ergo neither he nor his fandom carries the taint of racism.
Likewise, the Evanses divide torture into the kind of torture where you grimace and the kind of torture where you get a funny little smile on your face, reject the latter and proudly declare their opposition to the former, in the mighty tradition of the Anti Kitten-Burning Coalition.
Her face reminds me of the fake, malfunctioning “fat lady” head that Arnold Schwarzzeneger’s character wore in Total Recall.
That’s all I wanted to say.
Worst photoshop job ever. The pitchfork should be in duplicate, and rammed up their butts.
Just don’t enjoy it, ‘k?
For the record, and for Peter and Helen’s elucidation, torture never worked on “24”.
This is interesting. When I go their site and click on the blob link:
http://www.peterandhelenevans.com/blog
I get this warning (Google Chrome browser):
The website at peterandhelenevans.com contains elements from the site 61.155.8.157, which appears to host malware – software that can hurt your computer or otherwise operate without your consent. Just visiting a site that contains malware can infect your computer.
I would like to interrogate them about why they are hosting malware. It may hurt, but I promise I would not enjoy it.