Mustached Wingnut Hotties Say: “Get Well Soon, S.Z.!”
S.Z., the funniest woman on the Internets not named “Marie Jon’,” is feeling under the weather this week. To cheer her up, I called up America’s hottest mustached conservatives and asked them to say something nice about her. Here they are, starting with…
JOHN BOLTON!
“There is no ‘humorous blog alliance.’ There is only the satirical blog community, which can only be led by the only remaining superpower, which is World O’Crap.”
JOHN STOSSEL!
“Everyone here agrees: Conservatives are repressive, while liberals are open-minded and think it’s important to hear a diverse range of voices. Except, of course, if those voices aren’t liberal.
“I recently finished a tour for my book, ‘Give Me a Break.’ Weirdly, just six months after ‘Give Me a Break’ came out, SZ mocked my column that advocated abolishing the FDA so pharmaceutical companies could sell experimental drugs to kids. Her vicious liberal readers, hiding behind pseudonyms like ‘Brad R.,’ called it the ‘stupidest column’ ever, and referred to me as a ‘moronic fuckwit.’
“But where was the ‘open debate’ the liberals like to praise? I guess to get a fair hearing, I’ll have to take my ideas to the Free Republic.”
JOSEPH FARAH!
“If the traffic rankings are to be believed, World O’Crap is poised to become one of the most popular blogs on the Internets. For those of us who have real-life experience dealing with the crimes of S.Z., it’s a scary thought.
“Snarky liberal blogs represent a reign of terror for some of us. And make no mistake about it: S.Z. is not some innocent bystander. She is an integral part of the ruling junta. She may very well have been an inspiration for all of them.”
WILFORD BRIMLEY!
“Uhm, I’m really not much of a wingnut- I think Brad must have confused me with John Bolton.
“At any rate, I hope this S.Z. fellow gets better soon. Whenever I’m feeling under the weather, I eat a nice warm bowl of Quaker Oatmeal. It’s the right thing to do.”
Get well soon!
-Your friends at Sadly, No!
P.S., Yosef contacted Marie Jon’, and she sends her best wishes as well:
“S.Z. has no spirit but sheer contempt for God and the USA!”
Where’s the mustache-bedecked picture of Marie Jon’, with accompanying commentary? Don’t silence the ladies! They have something to say to S.Z., too!
Beauty.
Nobody was gentleman enough to offer her a moustache ride?
More cheer.
Dahonger
Hmm. Lost the URL.
http://64.233.179.104/search?q=cache:lQH5RSEmwOYJ:mesa.date.com/christian-dating/arizona25.htm+dahonger&hl=en
Good Idea, Lucy!
I was gonna bitch that we can’t go one thread without mentioning Marie Jon’, but since I put her in the original post, I guess I can’t complain. She’s become the George Martin of Sadly, No!
Brad, I just sent you something re: Marie
That actually is a picture of Marie Jon, in her man-drag. Don’t know what the Jostens ring is for, however…
so does this mean there will be a new group on Wingnut Isle, the Facially Hirstute?
I found Kerry’s Mother’s Website: http://www.sarahsseed.free
servers.com
Do these women somehow reproduce without men? Never a mention of a Mr. Marsala-Bowman-Jon’ Does anybody still believe that Psychosis isn’t genetic?
I also found this Klassic Kerry Kerfuffle on the internets:
WE ARE BUSY, TOO BUSY! WE KNOW THAT TIMES HAVE CHANGED IN THIS LAST CENTURY. THE HOME USED TO BE THE HEART OF ALL THAT THE FAMILY WAS. WE SLEPT, ATE, WORKED, PLAYED AND WORSHIPED TOGETHER 24/SEVEN. MODERN MAN HAS GIVEN HIS/HER LIFE AWAY TO THE INFLUENCE OF SATAN AND MANY OF US WHO FOLLOW CHRIST HAVE DONE THE SAME THING.
THE PARADOX OF OUR TIME IN HISTORY IS THAT WE HAVE TALLER BUILDING BUT SHORTER TEMPERS, WIDER FREEWAYS, BUT NARROWER VIEWPOINTS. WE SPEND MORE, BUT HAVE LESS. WE BUY MORE, BUT ENJOY LESS. WE HAVE BIGGER HOUSES AND SMALLER FAMILIES, MORE CONVENIENCES, BUT LESS TIME
…….ad naseum
Emphasis Kerry’s!
MODERN MAN HAS GIVEN HIS/HER LIFE AWAY
And modern man has apparently become hermaphroditic as a result.
What about Yosemite Sam? Surely he has a kind word or two?
MUSTACHIO: A mustache, especially a luxuriant one.
Uh, Wilfred Brimley is actually a complete wingnut, so nice call on that one. Plus does he have a potty mouth, jeez louise.
Nice call on the Jostens, Yosef. We always found that the bigger the douche, the bigger the class ring, and vice versa (Tom Brady, you’re breaking my heart)!. If fact we used to use the expression “class ring” instead of tool, because we found it to be more accurate.
To whit: “John Stossel is a fluffermunching hose-beast class ring.”
It’s funnier if you write mustachioed! Or fartknocker, whichever.
I don’t get the Jostens thing.
I don’t suppose it’s a coincidence that all those guys look like they’ve stepped through a rip in the space/time fabric and ended up in a low-rent gay leather bar, ca. 1978.They just can’t compete with the Virgin Ben, Judson Cox et al.
Stupid Sadly, No! comments- it was Greg, not sweet, sweet Yosef.