What ARE They Teaching These Canadians, Seb?
Have we got a live one or what? Her name is Barbara Kay, she writes for the National Post and she’s pitching the Sarah Palin story. Even if it never gets made, Barb’s already altered the mockery landscape of the blogosphere, possibly of the Western world. But let’s hear the treatment:
Sarah Palin, a feminist revolution without the feminists
How I wish I’d been the proverbial fly on the wall watching the changing expressions on Barack Obama’s face as Sarah Palin delivered her already-legendary speech at the Republican convention last Wednesday.
Autobiographical doesn’t usually work, but … what’s the guy? Kafka? A bit high-brow, but I can see that, maybe. No, wait — even better — Goldblum. We’re inside Barbara Kay’s laboratory. A teleportation pod accident has merged her DNA with a fly’s. She is now Barbara-Fly. I like this. Let’s go with it. Body parts are dropping off her every day, but the upside is she/it is as strong as a fly and can stick to walls. Whoops! She just snapped Colby Cosh’s forearm in a wrist-wrestling contest! Yuck! Her puke just ate through David Frum’s leg! Ewww! Now a pregnant Mark Steyn is having nightmares about having Barbara-Fly mutant larvae baby! I could see this. But how do we get there and how do we end it?
I imagine his pre-speech expression as alert, but relaxed paternalism, like a chief surgeon set to supervise a lowly resident’s clumsy initial attempt at an appendectomy. Then puzzlement as the surgeon realizes that he’s to be the patient, and finally horror as, strapped to the table and, before a nation of fascinated onlookers, he is subjected to … a palinoscopy!
Now Barbara-Fly is watching a Twilight Zone episode? I don’t know … it’s got something, but maybe too much something. Distracting. Let’s stick to what brung us here — how about Adam Yoshida gets turned inside out in the teleporter pod when Barbara-Fly experiments with a way to purge her/itself of the fly DNA?
Humour is permitted entry to dark cavities closed to straight criticism, so Palin used steady-handed wit as her probe.
Okay, I like it! This isn’t a monster movie … it’s a slasher flick! As for the dark cavities bit, look, a lot of your just-out-of-film-school types are going to push CGI, but I’m saying we go with good old-fashioned prosthetics, makeup and some exploding pasta. Maybe gnocchi. Old school.
As every comedian and experienced public speaker knows, failed on-stage humour is first cousin to death. Factor in the supreme importance of the occasion, an audience of 39 million voters, the greedy gaze of slavering media hyenas and the enormous additional risk of ‘dissing’ an African-American saint: What we witnessed on that Minnesota stage, my friends, was an awesome demonstration of raw courage.
I like the dash of ebonics here, the ‘dissing’ thing. Just enough to capture some of the urban market, but let’s not go overboard … ‘homey’. Also, I’m seeing the ‘awesome demonstration of raw courage’ as a little bit over-indulgent. Let’s face it, this is low-grade splatter we’re making, not friggin’ Hamlet. Let’s keep those stage directions simple and tight, people.
Palin’s mockery tickled Obama’s worrisome polyps of swollen self-regard …
Good, good. More ketchup and gnocchi … no, wait — pesto. Green is THE underutilized gross-out color. That’s why I’m the producer and you’re just the writer, Barb.
Peggy Noonan, doyenne of American political-trends commentary, was galvanized by Palin’s performance: ‘It is starting to look to me like a nation-defining election … This campaign is about to become: epic,’ she wrote in the weekend Wall Street Journal.
No, you lost me. This is a dolphin picture now? If you want to bring it back to monsters, stick with the creepy-crawlies, please. Nobody wants to see Flipper take a friggin’ shotgun blast to the head at the end of Act 3.
I agree. But win or lose the election, Sarah Palin has already altered the cultural landscape of America, possibly of the Western world. In years to come, social archeologists will mark her speech as the official beginning of an end to the gender wars, and, one hopes, a return to trust and collaboration between the sexes.
Holy fuck, sweetheart! And I thought Roger Corman had an ego! Look, I hate to break it to you, doll, but the closest we’re coming to Oscar with this piece of shit is if Steve Janke shaves his head and paints himself gold. Baby-fucking-steps, please.
Because Palin proved you don’t need the Sisterhood to pierce the glass ceiling. In her single calculated comment about women, she said, ‘This is America, and every woman can walk through every door of opportunity.’
Got that? It wasn’t Gloria Steinem that put me on this podium. It was my made-in-small-town-America traditional social values combined with old-fashioned patriotism and Alaska-instilled pioneerism.
Whoa, whoa, whoa there, sunshine. Slow down. When did this turn into ‘Them-meets-Little House on the Prairie’? I’m two seconds from pulling the plug on this pitch meeting, I’m warning you.
The ultimate American individual, Palin wasn’t ever committed to any collectivity but America itself. She was never ‘I am Woman, hear me roar.’ She was always, ‘I am Sarah, watch me act.’
Don’t get me wrong, a little jingoism never killed a movie. Hell, a lot of jingoism never killed a movie. The rubes eat that garbage up like Jujubes, as you clearly know. And their money’s as green as anybody’s. But you don’t have to blow that patriotic smoke up anybody’s ass in this office. You’re among friends, Barb. And another piece of advice — shitcan the ‘watch me act’ routine. Never let on to the talent that they’re anything but pieces of meat. Because believe me, that’s got a way of killing you in the contract talks.
Betty Friedan, author of The Feminist Mystique, the 1963 book that kicked off the modern feminist movement, was no Adam Smith or Karl Marx. She was a political nobody, a bored, disgruntled housewife who mistook her own tiny world of white, urban, middle-class, university-educated peers as representative of all American women.
You know what? I’m a friggin’ bored, disgruntled housewife right now. Get back to the anal probes pronto, or I am very reluctantly going to have to give this production a great big ‘no-effin’-thank you’.
It may cause some ‘discomfort,’ the medical parlance for pain, but if, as I believe, we have just seen the curtain begin to fall on the sexually adversarial, anti-family wing of the feminist movement, Sarah Palin’s — er– rear-guard invasion of Obama and, by extension, the feminism-marinated liberal establishment, will already have performed wonders for America’s cultural health.
Congratulations. This picture is officially in pre-production. Straight fee, no points. My secretary will draw up the contract.
You have to understand, in case you didn’t know, that the National Post is Canada’s Worst Newspaper, entirely a vanity creation of His Incarcerated Lordshop, Conrad Black of Some Train Station whose purpose it was to unseat Jean Chrétien, Connie’s hated enemy.
Connie and Babs are tedious neocons, and they hired a stable full of neocons. No one reads them or pays attention to them, and the paper is generally considered to be garbage.
And by Babs I mean Barbara Amiel Black, who is ANOTHER columnist with even loopier opinions. I am given to understand by people who know the Toronto literary scene that Babs BAB is the model for Margaret Atwood’s character Xenia in The Robber Bride. Inexplicably, she is still married to the Train Station Raj, and considers him a sacred martyr, dragged down by the little people (read the Chicago court system and, um, a heck of a lot of investors).
From such an environment springs David “Lion’s Share” Frum, except *his* mother (who had actual accomplishments, natch) was yet another Barbara.
Oh my god, Barbara Kay! “Entry to dark cavities closed to straight criticism”!
I had her, that’s my line! I showed her how to use the thesaurus on a cold dark night in an ice fishing hut.
“It may cause some “discomfort,” the medical parlance for pain…”
My line!
She was less black and white back then, we were seal hunting, I was a young strapping hockey player, we tooted a bit of basement meth and humped like walruses.
worrisome polyps of swollen self-regard …
oh, just in case anyone is thinking of having hot monkey sex with me, no worrisome polyps here. She made that shit up.
Okay, betweeen the worrisome polyps, the dark cavities and the rear invasion, I know waaaaaay more about this woman’s sex fantasies about Obama than I ever, ever wanted to. God help me.
Damn, forgot to change my nymlink for the new thread.
I was recently in Halifax, Nova Scotia (that is in Canada for the geographically impaired) watching my daughter paddle her little heart out (War Canoe gold medal .. yay!!).
Now watching paddling regattas is a lot like watching paint dry for about 2/3 of the time so I always grab all of the local newspapers when I am there so that I have something to do other than watch my 13 year old be cool and ignore her old dad.
One paper was conspicuously absent from the newstand, The National Post… the clerk said “well it wasn’t selling so we stopped getting it in”.
Hopefully a trend.
We’re a little embarassed up here about Barbara. Sorry about that. We are also having an election, and the whack jobs over at The National Toast are ‘thinking’ majority Conservative government 🙁 and can’t think straight these days. (It’s their version of the wet dream.)
How I wish I’d been the proverbial fly on the wall watching the changing expressions on Barack Obama’s face
Personally I’d rather have been a bat. Admittedly my ultrasonic-sonar image of his expressions would have shown less resolution, but I would have dined well on all the flies on the wall.
It takes a truly skilled editor to fuck up the name of one of the most important books of the last fifty years. Sure, The Feminist Mystique was no Uncle Tim’s Cabin, but it was still quite influential.
Sarah Palin’s election would certainly ‘Define’ this country Peggy.
Wait! Wait wait wait.
Hold on a second.
Palin’s speech is already legendary? Seriously?
I expect that America will soon be turned inside out by the force of two hundred years worth of politicians spinning madly in their graves.
Any speech read off of a teleprompter is automatically disqualified for legendary status. New rule.
Yeah, this whole election was a real yawner until the governor of Alaska stepped in. It’s certainly not like the fate of the free world was hanging in the balance or anything.
Wow. It really is all Palin all the time. I’m starting to think that McCain is going to ask if he can bring Palin to the debates to talk for him.
Seems the only difference between Palin and Cheney is that Cheney likes to run the show from behind the scenes. That’s not good enough for this candidate.
“But win or lose the election, Sarah Palin has already altered the cultural landscape of America, possibly of the Western world.”
…Wow.
SOMEONE needs themselves a Grandpa Simpson representative avatar. Talk about your delusions.
Yoshida sure spend a lot of time writing about things that he calls “epic” and “legendary” that are actually neither.
Seems to me he’d be better off just writing for his WoW guild forums.
What we witnessed on that Minnesota stage, my friends, was an awesome demonstration of raw courage.
Pig’s fat arse, lady. What you witnessed on that stage was some privileged bint reading off a teleprompter a speech that a couple of gits had been paid to write. Raw fuckin’ courage my buttocks. If you want raw courage, go and lie in front of a tank in Palestine. Be a medic in a war zone. Stand in front of the bulldozers that are obliterating the Amazon rainforests (the lungs of the world).
Sheesh, some people really need to get over themselves.
This campaign is about to become: epic,
Yeah, Peggy this: campaign is about to: come over all Ben Hur with: the chariot race. Jeebus, so much fail in so few words.
In years to come, social archeologists will mark her speech as the official beginning of an end to the gender wars
Yeah, because everything that ever went wrong is the fault of us wimminz.
This is America, and every woman can walk through every door of opportunity.
This is almost unsatirisable. I’m gobsmacked.
Betty Friedan, … was no Adam Smith or Karl Marx
Adam Smith was no Betty Friedan or Karl Marx. Karl Marx, however, was Adam Smith and Betty Friedan all rolled into one chubby bundle, with extra helpings of Einstein and lashings of Proust.
By the way, I read Metamorphosis centuries ago, and just the thought of it still makes me want to cry. But that Franz Kafka was no Adam Smith or Betty Friedan. Dirty furriner.
Why am I wearing my Miss Crankypants hat today?
Hey, I wrote all that bollocks and WordPress published it with nary a whimper. It loves me, it really loves me!
Obama’s worrisome polyps
Wrong candidate, regarding them polyps.
Betty Friedan “was a political nobody, a bored, disgruntled housewife who mistook her own tiny world of white, urban, middle-class, university-educated peers as representative of all American women.”
This is why her books never found a readership and we never heard of her. So what is Barbara Kay writing about, again?
Oh, yeah.
Runner up to Miss Alaska did it all, alone, with five kids and a dead moose.
What we are seeing, aside from the wingnut worship, is media, bored out of their tiny skulls with the McCain campaign, seeing something to talk about.
All that dead air doesn’t fill itself.
Are you saving Kathy Shaidle for the sequel, DA?
These authoritarians love their Leaders don’t they? I mean anyone who even gives the appearance of being able to bullwhip the flesh from their backs gets into near orgasmic frenzy doesn’t it? And who really gives a shit what gibberish their Leaders are spouting? Does it make sense? Does it contradict something they said a year ago? A day ago? Ten minutes ago? Who cares! It’s all good as long as it comes from their Leader.
These are some odd fucking people.
If the operating-table shash’n’probe flick bombs maybe it’s cuz the heartland wants something outdoorsy:
PANHANDLE!
Attractive if not so qualified governor person stands on the corner ( of N. America) waiting for Daddy Congress to drop some pork into her hat.
Epic hilarity ensues.
Palin is not the lipstick on the pig. She’s the crotchless thong.
bo | 09.11.08 – 2:15 am | #
Seen on another blog thread.
It wasn’t Gloria Steinem that put me on this podium. It was my made-in-small-town-America traditional social values combined with old-fashioned patriotism and Alaska-instilled pioneerism.
Um, no.
It was “a knee-jerk reaction by a grumpy, horny old man desperately trying to attract the Vagino-American vote disgrumtled by Hillary’s loss, combined with shameless kowtowing to the anti-choice Christian wingnuts and ‘drill drill drill’ crowd” that put her up there.
Someone needs to write a book on the fReichtard’s fascination with the male rectum.
fReichtards’
“Peggy Noonan, doyenne of American political-trends commentary, was galvanized by Palin’s performance: ‘It is starting to look to me like a nation-defining election … This campaign is about to become: epic,’ she wrote in the weekend Wall Street Journal.”
Isn’t this the same Noonan who, in an off-mike candid moment stated: [this Palin pick is part of] that same old narrative bullshit
Oh, wait, this wasn’t written by Yoshida. Oops. In my defense, I made that last post at 4 am.
Fucking Canucks! Fucking up my shit and shit!!
I, like Olberman, was speechless after Palin’s speech. At least I think I don’t talk in my sleep.
SPLUNGE!
Like most wingnut dramas, I see this more as an epic three-way light saber battle between Fucking Stupid, Cravenly Dishonest and Batshit Crazy.
“a gobsmacked Keith Olberman struggling to react after Palin’s address; a speechless hater confronted with an American who won’t take his liberal bullshit anymore.”
Well, she’s sure taking it now. She’s so terrified of the press that she won’t even speak to them unless she gets to pick her interviewer, put a muzzle on him and get a list of his questions in advance.
Sarah Palin’s a mannequin. And for all the bravery you erroneously ascribe to her, I say bullshit. Barack Obama faced down O’Reilly. Let’s see you roll out McCain or Palin on Olbermann’s show.
Pussy.
oops.
SPLUNGE!
The National Post has been on a deathwatch for months. If this paper is around in a year or two, it is only because it has been reincarnated as a National Enquirer style tabloid (which wouldn’t be much of a stretch.)
Think of it as Canada’s Washington Times.
Dan
Gatineau, Québéc
Sarah Palin’s election would certainly ‘Define’ this country Peggy.
For me, it will define this country as a place in which I no longer wish to live.
There is something seriously fucking wrong with these people.
Palinoscopy?
Is that a procedure you have to treat a grossly inflamed lie sack?
“There’s excessive discharge from the lie sack–we’ll have to perform a palinoscopy.”
Get Biden on this. Biden! get on this. Now, Biden.
I don’t care…how about all the oil and natural gas we’re producing in Alaska that we’re selling in Asia, instead of America…that should get you started. Do I have to do everything for you?
Two points I’d like to make at this juncture.
1. I want to thank this Ms. Whoever-She-Is for accomplishing what I’d always feared was well-nigh impossible: That is, by blithely pulling such a jaw-droppingly regressive, insulting, and ahistorical crapaganza out of her ass, she presents the perfect argument for the establishment and maintenance of women’s and cultural studies in today’s academia. Well done, young lady!
2. I’m wondering if perhaps it’s time our Sadly, No! hosts reconsider the whole theme of this blog — that is, digging up the worst possible individuals out there who happen to have access to a computer and, merely by presenting their “work” to the world, providing them with attention they sorely do not deserve.
Seriously. I mean, this here shit is the most gobsmackingly putrid load of fuckbaggery I have ever read. Ever. I feel moved to violence, and I hate it when that happens.
Is that the route you wanna go, Troof? Cuz I’ll put Olberman’s sportsblabbing career up against, oh, say Dennis Miller’s or Rush Limbaugh’s any day.
It’s a petty thing, but one of the perks of putting our country back on the path of sanity is that I’ll be free to hate Keith Olberman again. It’s a sad marker of our civilization’s decline that fucking Keith Olberman is the left’s loudest voice on television, but hey. Times are tough all over.
Funny, Rebecca Traister called this Palin thing “a feminist revolution without the feminists” but she was meaning it as A BAD THING.
“What we witnessed on that Minnesota stage, my friends…”
These far-right whackos keep shouting to the world that they have friends. Sensitive much?
Oh, the shame of it. I guess we Canucks can’t hold our noses in the air anymore about being all informed and polite and stuff…oh, wait, yes we can. It’s the National Post, home of the Bush league wannabes. Phew!
The dictionary defines palinoscopy as: Noun, the surgical act of having one’s conscience scrubbed clean via the insertion of a moose antler up the rectum.
Venereal Disease Hanson “launched” a remarkably similar-smelling pantload last night:
http://www.mercurynews.com/ci_10431862
Shorter:
“My Mommy’s Feminism was originally about women receiving equal treatment. But Palin should not be subjected to the same criticism a man would, or any criticism at all – even for her terrible government service record and extreme public policy proposals – because she’s a woman. And because she’s plucky. And because those who do criticize her embrace a new, corrupted, elitist form of anti-feminist feminism that is really just more condescending liberalism. Because I say so. The proof of this is in the fact that a handful of unnamed women in the media elite (who only achieved their positions through male-conferred extra advantages anyway) are sneering about Palin’s blue-collar conservatism, small Alaskan town, five children, snowmobiling husband and Idaho college degree.”
You shouldn’t make fun of us Canadians, you shouldn’t make fun of folks from Alaska, and you shouldn’t make fun of either Candy Stripers or Community Organizers, or both.
No, like being a Candy Striper, being a Community Organizer doesn’t qualify a person to be President, but I’m sick of my fellow Republicans (and a few die-hard Hillary supporters) who put these types of positions down, so I was glad when I heard that Dr BLT had written a song from his CD of the same title that adequately reflected those very sentiments:
Candy Stripers and Community Organizers
words and music by Dr BLT © 2008
http://www.drblt.net/music/CandyStripers2Demo2.mp3
Obama’s “Polyps of swollen self-regard.” Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, woman.
“How I wish I were a fly on the wall … ” Yeah, me too, babe, so that I might grap my swollen swatter and put you out of your tooly-wordy misery.
What technology is being used to create these folk and how do we shut it the fuck down?
The dictionary defines palinoscopy as: Noun, the surgical act of having one’s conscience scrubbed clean via the insertion of a moose antler up the rectum.
This procedure is much less painful if Extreme Unction is applied beforehand. We highly recommend our 10w30 for this purpose.
What we witnessed on that Minnesota stage, my friends, was an awesome demonstration of raw courage.
Yeah. A person delivered a speech written for her by professionals, after hours of coaching, in front of a friendly audience.
Guessie: “Roll her out on Football Night in America?”
Even that would be an improvement, cowards.
Guessie: “New polls prompt Pollster.com to change its national trend from “lean Obama” to “tossup.”
And the electoral vote totals still say “McCain’s chances are slim at best.” But you be sure to let us know when Pollster.com changes its mind, k?
Used car salesmen give “awesome demonstration(s) of raw courage” everyday?
Who knew?
A favorite quote of mine yesterday from Peggy Drexler: at HuffPo:
“Palin quickly picked up the fallen standard of those Hillary voters who put “18 million cracks” in the glass ceiling. She didn’t crack anything. John McCain helicoptered her to the roof, and they led her down the back stairs.”
As every comedian and experienced public speaker knows, failed on-stage humour is first cousin to death.
The Carrot-Top rampage proved this.
I wouldn’t “collaborate” Barbara Kay with McCain’s dick.
Yikes – Babs has a serious obsession with #2. Flies, dark cavities, probes, polyps…as my Grandma used to say, Babs is “dirty minded.”
Why am I wearing my Miss Crankypants hat today?
Because you read this Babs Kay load of fuckshit.
I think I’m going to have my Miss Crankypants hat firmly pulled down over my ears for the next two months or so.
I am just going to ignore this new (to me) wingnut from America Jr.
I think I am getting dangerously close to crazy saturation.
I could totally see casting Jan Hooks in the Babbling Kay role.
So, paternalistic African-American saint, Barack Obama, was wittily ass-fucked by Sarah Palin who didn’t need any help from teh st00pid, elitist, anti-family feminazis like Betty Freidan to get where she is today, just her own “made-in-small-town-America traditional social values combined with old-fashioned patriotism and Alaska-instilled pioneerism.” And, though it may be painful, this act will end the “gender wars” and perform wonders for America’s cultural health.
Is this about the gist of it?
Excuse me while I run to get some kleenex. Blood and grey goo are starting to trickle out of my ears again.
Was that before or after she called Palin’s VP candidacy “bullshit politics”?
This is why I have to start my drinking at 9 AM these days.
OT, but Firefox 3 licks WordPress’s balls.
OT, but does anyone get the feeling that Obama’s meeting with Bill today might revolve around how to replace Biden with Hillary, and what the former presidnet’s role might be in an Obama administration?
Legalize- No, because it would be a supremely stupid move.
Then again, Palin has proven that, contrary to Elliott Smith’s words, stupidity doesn’t just try, it works.
Can Obama do that at this point? I mean legally, not politically, since the bobbleheads on the teevee will paint it as an “obvious” cynical move of desperation to counteract Palin.
Um, there’s no way in Hades Obama is replacing Biden with Hill.
I agree with Marco. That ship done sailed.
Perhaps Barry X wants to find out when Hill and Bill are going to get with the program and campaign for him already.
he is subjected to … a palinoscopy!
Is that where they probe your anus with a lipsticked pig?
I don’t think the move would be about prudence. It would be about controlling the tv bobblehead blather. Biden could always be ill or need to spend time with his family or whatever.
Never mind. I sound like Chris Matthews.
Get me to a hospital, stat. The mixed metaphors and botched allusions just ruptured my spleen.
Lipsticked pig
Lipsticked pig
Does whatever a lipsticked pig does
Thousands of slashfic writers worldwide writing millions of words about any number of improbable pairings, and they have to pick this one to write up the Palin-on-Obama anal probe scene. It’s an outrage, I tell ya.
It looks like there are at least two people that S,N examines who obsess over sphincters and other turd-related topics – Barbara Kay and Anally Amorous Amy.
We already know that Amy, Stalkin’ Malkin, and Moosejaw all seem to have really big areas of their brains concerned with revenge and “getting” people who done them wrong.
Has there been research by psychologists into the misanthropic roots of these psychotic personality flaws?
The fact is, you liberals do not yet know you have lost. Here in the Heartland, we have won, and the success and popularity of Sarah Palin is the key. Real Americans relate to her, not to Osama Binbiden. They work hard and want the government off their back and support our troops and God. Your hate and sneering backfires, the more you throw the more we win.
“Humour is permitted entry to dark cavities closed to straight criticism … a palinoscopy!”
ewwwww… a colonoscopy? Not the image I’d choose but whatever.
Mandos
Connie and Babs are tedious neocons, and they hired a stable full of neocons. No one reads them or pays attention to them, and the paper is generally considered to be garbage.
Well then say hello to your future Mandos. The Neocon infestation has spread to Canada and you can be sure they will do to you what they’ve done to us. You’ve got to nip it, nip it in the bud.
Has there been research by psychologists into the misanthropic roots of these psychotic personality flaws?
Freud, anal stage and arrestment thereof.
“Your hate and sneering backfires, the more you throw the more we win.”
Translation: “I’m rubber and you’re glue.”
What, Gary, are you six years old or something?
This “woman veep” thing is going to turn around and bite them.
They think they’re rounded up HRC voters (not,) insulated Palin from criticism by nakedly playing the sexism card (that seems to have backfired, there was ten minutes on the TV this morning on “McCain: Guilty of sexism?” Stacking up his woman-raped-by-a-gorilla story against Obama saying “sweetie” a couple of times was a stark contrast) and whipping the base into unsweetened meringue (well, that they’ve done.)
But now they’ve put the “woman veep” thing into a lot of pointy heads. The mere fact they felt they had to do this indicates change is forcing them into a corner that is so not in line with the dogmatic bullshit. Nothing to prevent them from doing a 180 and trying to stuff this genie back in the bottle; that’s what they do, after all.
But this kind of cognitive dissonance just builds up and builds up. And then, Cap’n, she’ll blow!
Amy Alkon has a new platform to spew out condescending, mean spirited, ego driven “advice.”
They take comments but hopefully they haven’t given her the ability to access commenters’ personal information.
Palin didn’t do any of the hard work to “earn” her place next to McCain. On the other hand, Hillary Clinton busted her ass for two years in her run for president. Which of those two women is more deserving of receiving credit for changing the status of women in the presidential race?
Apologies on behalf of our Dominion for ever excreting such a sorry specimen – but there’s a silver lining: she’s in the National Postmortem, so I’m guessing she took time out from polishing her resume to write this … & with an albatross like that birdcage-liner around her neck, that’s just GOT to suck. Because nobody reads that piece of crap up here.
No, I will NOT read the whole thing. The excerpts are depressing enough as it is. This twit can’t even get the title of “The Feminine Mystique” right? Faily fail fail.
Dear Obama:
McCain wants to tax my insurance benefits: http://www.time-blog.com/swampland/2008/09/mccains_health_care_tax_increa.html. John McCain’s proposal is putting lipstick on the pig that is Reaganomics.
Please repeat repeat repeat.
Barbara’s bizarre I’m-looking-up-Obama’s-ass-instead-of-my-own-as-usual trainwreck is what happens when a profoundly humourless person tries to be funny.
What’s really funny is Barbara’s take on teenage unwed moms — if you get pregnant in your teens, apparently you’re showing a “psychological desensitization to the creation of new life.”
Except of course when you’re the daughter of the Republican vice-presidential candidate. In which case ha-ha, look at Obama’s face.
I think they are locking Palin away because she might get asked The Question.
It’s not the scandals, which are piling up like rib bones at a barbeque anyway. It’s not her total lack of knowledge or experience, because such things are for the little people, anyway.
But what it a reporter asks her, “Do you believe in the Rapture?”
I think that’s a deal breaker.
Legalize, I saw that a piece a little earlier.
One hardly recognizes Joe Klein these days…he’s 100% improved.
I put this together several days ago, and here is a great opportunity to push it:
If Sarah Palin had done a comedy routine as the talent portion in that beauty contest
Thanks, Legalize! I can’t believe it’s Joe Klein!
Things happen in Alaska, crazy things that you wouldn’t see anywhere else. Just the other day, I shot a moose in my bikini; what it was doing in my bikini I don’t know.
Oi Vey!
“I think they are locking Palin away because she might get asked The Question.”
Spit or swallow?
Do I hafta write the obligatory comment from Iris in which she vigorously affirms Babsie’s bullcrapulous spittlecopy? And so on and so forth. I have real work to do – someone please take care of it for me.
I should mention that I’m pleased to see that Canada Hasn’t given up it’s obsession with us real Americans and providing people like Barbie and Yoshie and Steynie et al. for our amusement. It almost makes up for their infliction of Shatner upon us.
agh. “its obsession..” fuck. Need more coffee.
And yes, I’m leaving the prepositional phrase where it is.
Fucking pedants.
i’m loathe to have to do this, but…
IT’S REWRITE TIME!!!!
see, barbara fuckwit is either ignorant (or more likely well aware) of a salient point: the speech she is calling “legendary” was written for a MAN, baby, and some pronouns and jokes were changed at the end. but sarah palin did not write this speech, she delivered it. i know this is a hard point to grasp, but you know, churchill’s great speeches, clinton’s, and several other public figures of note have either delivered their own speech or been very involved (ask favreau how much in the case of obama–i don’t know) in their crafting. she didn’t, and wasn’t.
barbara, you are a simpering idiot. shut it.
also, no one talks money at the end of a pitch d., it’s all “who should we call” and “congrats” and then they fuck you the next week. i’d say this is speculation on my part, but it is LITERALLY happening to me right now–pitch sold, congrats all around, terrible offer coming in. good times.
They work hard and want the government off their back and support our troops and God.
Why does God need support, anyway? I think he’;s old enough to start fending for himself at this point.
Weren’t the last words of The Fly, “Help me! Help Me!”?
> But what it a reporter asks her, “Do you believe in the Rapture?”
> I think that’s a deal breaker.
Excellent point.
There has to be at least ONE reporter who will get a chance to hammer Mooseburger with repeated questions about rapture, teaching creationism, role of religion, etc.
If she answers one way, she loses the moderates. If she answers the other way, she may (because they are so brainwashed) lose the Taliban.
In either case her true beliefs are irrelevant. They mostly revolve around “What do I need to say to get the most money and power?”
Glennzilla, today.
Must Read.
The US military said that its findings were corroborated by an independent journalist embedded with the US force. He was named as the Fox News correspondent Oliver North, who came to prominence in the 1980s Iran-Contra affair, when he was a[ Marine] colonel.
I think the bodysnatchers returned the real Joe Klein about two weeks ago.
Evidently the android replacement was behaving poorly.
> One hardly recognizes Joe Klein these days…he’s 100% improved.
I think a lot of the neocon and nutjob enablers jumped on their ship for access and because it was the winning side (for a while, anyway).
Now some of them are getting worried about being on the wrong side of history. So they are “changing” their beliefs.
<Iris>Reagan Democrats. Grand Coalition. Appalachia, Appalachia, Appalachia. Unelectable. Empty Suit. Democrat fascists. Evil Plot. Misogyny Misogyny Misogyny. It’s not because he’s black – you fauxgressives play the race card at every opportunity. Unlike McPOW!
Palin will be the voice for the 18 million disenfranchised. Stolen votes. Corrupt elections. Misogyny Misogyny Misogyny. You Sadly, Obots are going to see. Treat me bad will you – just like the abusive fascists you are. Grow up and act mature you jerkwads.</Iris>
But Iris, what about this?
Don’t worry, I’m sure ABC’s Charlie Gibson will ask Governor Mooselini tough kweschuns.
“Do you have a flag pin on?”
Dammit. Dropping TWO semi-colons. That comment was brilliant until it got disembowelled.
> Spit or swallow?
I think swallow until she made mayor, than she got uppity and would only spit.
When she got to be governor, the old First Dude got refused pretty much everything. That is why he poked Bristol. Incest is a major cause of Downs Syndrome.
> Don’t worry, I’m sure ABC’s Charlie Gibson will ask Governor Mooselini tough kweschuns.
I will make a $5 bet he will giggle and ask “What is the best way to cook a mooseburger?” This will happen IMMEDIATELY after he asks his token “tough” question that she bobbles or lies about.
Trying to convert Barbara Kay is like putting a new shade of lipstick on an old pig.
Off-, but kinda on-, topic:
http://www.dailyhowler.com is really ripping Mooseburger lately.
So… Palin’s speech really got under Obama’s skin because prior to that he totally unaware of the seething hatred the right felt for him? Well alrighty then.
I disagree, ice weasel. To get a really enthusiastic response, said leaders must say stuff is likely to piss of liberals.
Speaking of insane women who have no fucking clue about anything…
“Let’s be honest, coastal folks: when you meet someone with a thick southern accent who likes NASCAR and attends a bible church, do you think, “hey, maybe this is a cool person”? And when you encounter someone who went to Eastern Iowa State, do you accord them the same respect you give your friends from Williams? It’s okay–there’s no one here but us chickens. You don’t.”
This from once proud Atlantic and its shiny stupid toy, McMegan.
McMegan herself is of course a rough-and-tumble, Stars-And-Bars wavin,’ redneck country tomboy who knows all ’bout them funny-talkin; NASCAR types.
You know, this McMegan:
“Megan McArdle was born and raised on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, and yes, she does enjoy her lattes, as well as the occasional extra dry skim milk cappuccino. Her checkered work history includes three start-ups, four years as a technology project manager for a boutique consulting firm, a summer as an associate at an investment bank, and a year spent as sort of an executive copy girl for one of the disaster recovery firms at Ground Zero . . . all before the age of thirty. Megan holds a bachelor’s degree in English literature from the University of Pennsylvania, and an MBA from the University of Chicago. After a lifetime as a New Yorker, she now resides in northwest Washington DC, where she is still trying to figure out what one does with an apartment larger than 400 square feet.”
Oh. Mah. GAAAAWWWWWD!1!11!
And to make things hyper special supercalifragilistic stupid:
THERE IS NO SUCH UNIVERSITY AS EASTERN IOWA STATE.
Guess McMegan’s $300,000 education didn’t include classes on teh Google.
Looks like meth has made its insidious way into Canada. These are the twits who were writing just a few years that working women raised children who were going to end up jail.
There’s a fly in the oinkment.
Moose, pigs, pitbulls, fish, wolves, flies… shall we wager on what animal or insect will next stroll (or trot or hop) across the stage of this campaign?
I hope it’s a bunny.
You Can’t Put Lipstick On A Repig said,
September 11, 2008 at 18:17
We already know that Amy, Stalkin’ Malkin, and Moosejaw all seem to have really big areas of their brains concerned with revenge and “getting” people who done them wrong. Has there been research by psychologists into the misanthropic roots of these psychotic personality flaws?
Once again, we have our friends north of the border to thank:
http://home.cc.umanitoba.ca/~altemey/
“Roll her out on Football Night in America?”
So Palin’s too good for her fellow sportscasters now? Well la-di-da.
THERE IS NO SUCH UNIVERSITY AS EASTERN IOWA STATE.
There isn’t? I thought that was just another name for Northwestern.
“They work hard and want the government off their back and support our troops and God.”
I work hard. I find the insinuation that I don’t off-putting.
Both teh troops and teh god seem to me to be firmly entrenched institutions that can take care of themselves.
As for teh gubmint…I always go to Canadians for my lessons in gettin’ that no good gubmint offa MY back. Good on her!
And when she gets critically ill or is in a catastrophic accident, I’m sure she’ll do the right thing and refuse teh nasty universal health care provided by teh evil Canadian gubmint.
Right?
But win or lose the election, Sarah Palin has already altered the cultural landscape of America, possibly of the Western world.
Angela Merkel’s gonna cut this hack… “Iron Peg” Thatcher’d do it, but she’s a little indisposed these days.
Perhaps Barry X wants to find out when Hill and Bill are going to get with the program and campaign for him already.
On Letterman last night, Obama said Bill was going to be campaigning for him over the next couple of weeks. Nothing whatsoever was said about Hillary. I don’t believe her name was even mentioned in passing. I found that somewhat odd.
Biden has been whaling on McCain/Palin in his stump speeches. He’s doing a good job. The media are not doing a good job of reporting it, with a few exceptions.
Biden rips on McCain
Get the government off our back. Yes. Which government would that be? The one that decides whether women get procreational choice? The one that decides whether gays and lesbians can marry? The one that spends trillions of $$ on unspeakable neverending warmongering and would happily conscript my kids into it if they dared? Is that the government the Repigs are talking about? If so, yes, please get it off my back. Oh — that’s not the one? Then which government are you fuckers talking about? The one that refuses to even discuss national health care? That thinks privitizing everything from education to Social Security is a great big fucking great idea? No? Oh — the one that wants you to pay your fair share of taxes? That one?! Yeah! Get off my back, you stupid dumb government!
Fucking fucking fuckers. I finally went downtown to the hole-in-the-wall Obama headquarters today and bought some pins and t-shirts and stuff and wrote out a donation check. It was either that or sit here on my butt with steam pouring out my ears. I feel somewhat better now.
Does it make me a bad person to say that I really, really want to kick McAddlepated Megan’s ass? Cause I do.
… [facepalm]
Do you have to be even dumber to be a Canadian wingnut?
.
Tone it down, Repig.
“Does it make me a bad person to say that I really, really want to kick McAddlepated Megan’s ass? Cause I do.”
I don’t think so.
But I do know that this makes you a sentient being with a functioning sensory apparatus.
Anything after that is really just a matter of opinion.
Maybe this woman would like a surge up her ass … in fact, send this video to asswipe Canadian bacon, the fucking piece of shit ….
http://www.truthdig.com/avbooth/item/20080911_inside_the_surge/
Peggy Noonan really puts the doy in doyenne…
> Tone it down, Repig.
I was only joking!
Joking in the Coulter style (the Edwards “faggot” remark).
I figure that the repigs love those kind of jokes since they worship their joke-filled pundits so much.
If the repigs can’t take a joke, I don’t want them negotiating with world leaders.
Oh, and my choice of “repig” to describe Repigs is just a joke.
Ha Ha Ha Ha.
To amplify my last post: you don’t get more Heartland than you do with crude joking!
You’ll have to take my word on that one. I was a Heartlander for many years before I became an Elitist Arugula-Munching Sadly No-er.
Spit or swallow?
Gargle.
HumboldtBlue–
Absolutely fascinating and disgusting.
I don’t know how they do it. If I had signed up before May 19, 2003 and they ordered me to kill children I would set down my weapon and go to prison.
Anything would be worse than being responsible for that.
Absolutely fascinating and disgusting.
I wretched, then I cried.
Oh and the whole “field-dressing a moose” nonsense? Well, until Palin does it live on national television, I’m going to assume that’s just another lie. An adult male moose weighs 1000 lbs.
Like most of the right wing political positions, the “big government” trope is nothing but a combination of pandering, ideological camoflage and blatant falsehood.
But it’s good, in the sense that it calls to the fore the most basic question, the one we’re REALLY arguing when were arguing about all this other stuff.
“What is the role of government in the lives of the citizens?”
It’s really that simple question that drives all political discussion.
Should government build strategic weapons, be able to occupy iraq and nuke Moscow? Should government build roads and bridges, schools and hospitals? Should government then maintain that infrastructure? Should government educate the citizens, and help them be healthy and cure their diseases and help solve problems? And then, when resources are constrained, how should the role of government be prioritized?
We all pay taxes. At it’s very core, government’s job is to collect and then spend that money. How it does so, and on what, is what you are choosing when you elect government’s leadership.
So while it’s a bit of a fig leaf, it’s EXACTLY the conversation we should be having…
mikey
In years to come, social archeologists will mark her speech as the official beginning of an end to the gender wars, and, one hopes, a return to trust and collaboration between the sexes.
Indiana Jones And The Whore Of Wasilla?
HumboldtBlue–
Really creepy how the footage near the Euphrates in the second video looked like footage from Vietnam.
If there had been a flight of helicopters overhead and a 60s song playing in the background the only way to tell the difference would be the uniforms.
Somewhat off-topic, but
Here a Portland, ME local news guy takes McCain to task and Gramps gets pretty rattled. Its a feeble display.
http://www.wcsh6.com/video/default.aspx?maven_playerId=immersiveplayer&maven_referralObject=850878100
Funniest thing I’ve heard all day:
Sarah Palin: If She Shoots You In The Face, It’s Because She Was Aiming For You.
These are the twits who were writing just a few years that working women raised children who were going to end up jail.
Not while Commander Codpiece needs more bodies to throw into his Excellent Iraqi Adventure Meatgrinder! Just ask Track Palin!
Well, I think her hairstyle says it all.
… when you meet someone with a thick southern accent who likes NASCAR and attends a bible church…
What other kinds of churches are there?
Ladeez no good! Menz waaaaaaaaaaaay goodr. Menz telz ladeez wot to do. Ladeez hear. Ladeez shut it. Menz hapee. Ladeez hapee. Evreebodee hapee!
“What other kinds of churches are there?”
McMegan read once that there are churches that teach the bible as the inerrant word of god and jeebus, that they tend to be located in the South and that the parishioners talk funny and like to watch cars being driven in a circle.
A little education can indeed be a dangerous thing.
Shorter McArdle (forever): “Hey, tokenism has been very good to me!”… (“and in this instance, Sarah Palin, whose only credential is being in possession of a vagina while remaining non-threatening to her old white male handlers. Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it, haterz!“)
The most useful piece of information McArdle gleaned from her MBA is that the promise of a blowjob is not enforceable under contract law, especially if one pays careful attention to the grey area between ‘implicit’ and ‘explicit’.
eidos –
Thanks for the link. I missed that interview. Poor Rob, though. With that attitude, he’s never gonna make any national corporate network news team.
That McCain interview was some funny, funny stuff. What is Sarah Palin’s foreign policy experience? Uh, um, er, energy. She knows more about energy than anyone in the country, and Alaska is close to Russia, so there.
Why won’t Palin take any questions from the American people? Uh, um, er, didn’t she do that at the convention? Besides, she’s gonna talk with Charlie Gibson, who’s kinda like a journalist.
It was a pretty good interview, but suffers from the rule in American interviewing that doesn’t allow a question to be asked more than twice. McCain never provided an example of Palin’s supposed foreign policy experience, and the interviewer should have kept asking until McCain admitted she has none or walked out of the interview. American politics takes damage every time some shifty pol gets away with avoiding a direct question by bullshitting for a measly thirty seconds. Make those fuckers work.
What a dog’s breakfast of verbigeration!
All her hates & resentments coughed up at once in a gush of enthusiasm.
noen: I know, it’s tragic. We tried hard to keep them out, but you can’t beat money.
The National Post: Losing Money For So Long Even We Don’t Know How We Stay In Business.
Read though this mighty thread and have to say —
God Bless the USA and fuck y’all!
Meatwad! You learned how to type!
Congratulations!
Believe it. A friend of mine is 120lbs soaking wet and hunts moose every year.
Sure, The Feminist Mystique was no Uncle Tim’s Cabin, but it was still quite influential.
Right up there with Silent Sprung and Catch Her in the Eye.
Hoo-wee, what a pathetic interview. I particularly like the part where the interviewer points out that both Maine senators are republican women and that one, Snowe, has more time in the Senate than he does- so why didn’t he pick one of them? He hems and haws about how much he admires them and what a difficult, complex decision it was, hard to explain, yadda yadda.
I really get the impression that he DID ask them and they laughed in his face, seeing as how they value their future careers and all… Like any GOPer with half a brain and the ability to read polls. So he took what he could get.
Sarah Palin: the beer-goggles VP. When it’s last call and you need a running mate right now…
Rob, I suspect that you are closer to the truth than any of us will ever know.
The Truth: Why, I like pie too! Yes I do!! Yessss I doo!
He’s such a cute little thing.
On behalf of all Canadians, I apologize for this puling, drivelling, snot-vampirical twat.
In my own defence, however, I must say that until today, I’d never heard of the bitch. Now that my virgin eyes have been defiled, though, I wonder if Jesus hates me.
Excuse me. The shower calls. Must scrub compulsively. And shampoo three times to get the slimy sensation off my scalp. Gawd.