Tricorner Foil Hats and Genocide Apologia


I really hope they wash their hands after writing this crap.

Robert Weissberg, American Klansmen:
When it Comes to Race, Why Worry About Facts?

It’s been strangely quiet this summer on the wingnut front. Sure, there is the standard level of stupid and the usual checklist of sexism, racism, classism, and homophobia, but it’s all sort of boiled down into flavorless pablum as if a British cook has taken over the talking points.

And it’s not like there haven’t been ample opportunities to go as vile as possible. The Hobby Lobby decision handing their dreams of marrying corporate oligarchy to religion as state, the usual stream of shooting sprees, Elliot Rodgers. But the output has been dull for the most part, content to just recycle the same old tired litany of half-remembered conspiracy theories and dog whistles before going on vacation to some slightly colder seaside town recently unthawed from the melting ice (which is totally something else’s fault, just like the economy).

And while zero effort affairs may be just fine for a wingnut audience who only need the thinnest of excuses to hate on their favorite targets, it does pose a bit of a problem for those of us who depend on a delicate ecosystem of snark and ridicule.

Though… that being said, there is something to mine from this fetid swamp, though perhaps in slightly shorter sojourns where we don’t have to pack in an entire day’s rations and a spare biohazard suit.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • It is absolutely shameful that those shifty niggers are so lazy and uncaring of their plight that they seem to have completely failed to single-handedly defeat our racist criminal system and society, fix our broken economy, and magically make jobs and career advancement out of thin air. This pathetic failure proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that we whites who support a punitive and brutal system of oppression are the truly deserving and intelligent.

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Football! Soccer! Let’s Call the Whole Thing- Absolutely Fucking Amazing!

The secret commie mind-control device that is turning every single one of your children gay right now.

Bernie Goldberg, National Old Men Yelling At Clouds:
The Anti-American Pastime*

Bwahahahahaha!

*Snort* Bwahahaha! And then, with the Bwahahaha! Oh man, my poor sides. One second. Just roll the PFFT-

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • Hurgle burgle, right-wing tribalism demands I rant about how boring and faggy football is and all the other standard boring cliches, which becomes hilarious after noting just how amazing this world cup has been in general, full of massive scoring displays against great teams and amazing close games, but becomes extra hilarious coming out the day of the historic 7-1 drubbing Germany gave Brazil.

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Dark Dungeons

Oh yeah, baby, wrap those tentacles around my big wet Earth.

John C. Cockbite*, John C. Cockbite, Auteur:
Dungeons and Perverts

Ah yes, the kink dungeon. A somewhat overwhelming place at first, however there is a welcoming air there and a lack of judgment. Whoever you are, whatever you are into, whoever you are attracted to, or how you identify… there is someone ten times freakier than you on the next St. Andrews Cross over. And that can be a freedom in a way in a world where freaky is wrong.

Nowhere is this more apparent than in the kink efforts to reclaim the words slut and pervert, turning them from cruel invectives and callous hate into badges of pride. Yes, one can proclaim, I am a pervert, I’m into the “weird” shit, but that does not put me at risk or mean I am inferior to some sad sack performing missionary position with his wife every 9 months because his company’s insurance plan just blocked contraception.

And it is no wonder that the right-wing is cottoning in to this effort and in their traditionally heavy handed manner-

I-

What? It’s not? Really?

Then what is the article actually about?

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • AIEEEEE! Dungeons and Dragons has finally acknowledged that players can play as non-binary or trans* individuals in their demonic devil dice game, despite the fact that queer gamers and kinky nerds (huge overlap there) have been doing that for years and in fact fan additions to the game as well as rare items in canon have actually codified rules for gender swap spells or curses. Nonetheless, let me react to this no duh as if it was the very hand of Satan come to swallow our souls and turn all our most precious son resources into fags.

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Fuck the Fucking Supreme Court

Seriously, let’s get this floated up to the Supreme Court. If a corporation is a person, then can I marry it, wait until it dies and then inherit at least half its legal property as a result of the marriage? Cause, this bullshit circus of convenience and legal abstraction needs to be put to the test in the worst possible way. Someone marry Hobby Lobby and then take Hobby Lobby to criminal court for intimate partner abuse because of its controlling nature. Or gay marry it and then open it up to poly. Whatever it takes to put Scalia’s fear of everything not white male Catholic against this obscenity that is corporate personhood.

Well, no avoiding it, let’s dive right into the atrocity that everyone is talking about.

Ann Coulter, Sad Little Internet Corner of Obscurity.com:
America’s Favorite National Pastime: Hating Soccer
*

The US was so fucking close. I mean, where was Cameron in helping out against Lukaku in extra time? And oh man, that Julian Green strike? Or that sitter that Wondo missed? He’s going to be feeling that for awhile.

Oh well, it’s not the end of the world like so many seem to think it is. We had a great fucking campaign, survived the less deathy of the two Group of Death groups, and nearly put it away against a team that ate our fucking lunch less than a year ago. and hey, Costa Rica is still in it like the ultimate underdog they’ve been this tournament and-

Confusingly Not Bruce (aka V the K), Self Hating Homo Weekly:
SCOTUS rules for Hobby Lobby; Lefties Go Nanners

Right… The Fucking Fuck Court and their Hobby Lobby fuck you decision…
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Lord… Make Mine Enemies Surreal As All Hell

Trust me, your gun and your kid are both equally safe with me.

Honestly, Who Dyes a Moustache That Isn’t a Closeted Gay Porn Actor, Wing Nut Daily:
A Column I Never Wanted to Write

Woof, I’m a wee bit exhausted right now. See, my regular work is transitioning into summer camps for the summer which really translates into me basically rewriting and reworking the curriculum into something actually usable and entertaining for the kiddies and planning all manner of all-day performances. Add to that trying to keep on top of all the big life changes happening at Chez Cerberus, trying to keep my hat in on some long-term plans that I’m still waiting for to blow up in my face, preparing and presenting my panels at the Ace Unconference last weekend, and trying to pack all of my prep work for next week into the first couple of days this week so I can afford to take the weekend off for my annual smörgåsbord of Pridely Duties, I’m pretty much running on an average of 3 hours of sleep at best.

Which is not to make my excuses for my absence (which honestly has more to do with being kidnapped by evil pirate ninjas who stole my lecture notes… I deny that there are any ill effects possible from sleep deprivation. Damnitt telekinetic squirrels, don’t steal my cheese!), but rather to beg apologies if this post strays beyond the usual collection of half-formed incoherent babbling into full homeless woman on the street corner (get away from my cart!).

And the saddest thing about all of this is even if I devolve (is it really all that great a leap, to be honest) to complete gibbering maniac, I’ll still be far less ridiculous than my right-wing counterparts.

I mean, fuck, sometimes it feels like these fuckers are lining up to be the setup for the most tired stand-up routines in history.

Shorter Cerberus’s brain sampling today’s hors d’ordure:

  • Me: This wingnut is so stupid.
    Audience: How stupid is he?
    Me: So stupid he tried to blame the Southern Poverty Law Center for him being dumb enough to “forget” he packed a loaded firearm in his airport travel bag.

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Never Sure What to Think

That I opened up 5 NRO tabs prior to opening this one, should be a clue as to how much I love you, or hate myself And as they are open I will sample from [shudders] them all. Let us start with a piece titled: “The Welcome Return of the Cheneys” ’cause Dick and Liz are gonna fix foreign policy see…Quinn Hillyer, take us away.

Shhh — Don’t tell anybody, because it’s a big secret: The Cheneys of Wyoming, father and daughter, were largely right about Iraq back in 2003, and they are correct now as well.

I, uh, yup…”…of Wyoming…” Quinn is fucked from the get. I mean how many feet of intestine can one wrap around ones feet and neck simultaneously? Anyhoo as this has all of the challenge of tossing a kitten into a pillow case with a brick and heading off to the creek with a bounce in your step and I am not that kind of ‘path’.

Next up, a woman named Christine Sisto does what they (and by they, I mean members of the “wingnut welfare knitting circle”) do.

Modern feminists must be feeling pretty weak if they’re threatened by Miss Nevada. After Nia Sanchez, who won the Miss USA pageant earlier this month, advocated that women learn self-defense, activists rushed to dismiss her. Cosmopolitan’s Elisa Benson called Sanchez’s comment “icky,” while Mandy Velez of the Huffington Post declared, “Not happy she won.”

You’d think people with the best interest of women in mind would support the idea of women’s being able to defend themselves. But the current feminist movement seems more interested in furthering classic sexist gender roles, with women as trembling flowers getting stomped on by big mean boys, and progressive feminism as the chivalrous White Knight.

Later she posits that the MRA and Feminist movements should get married, because,,,,,funny?

 

Tony Gwynn, R.I.P

tony-gwynn1

Big fan of Baseball here, and I was always a fan of Tony’s, a class act who rarely struck out, and during the strike shortened ’94 season finished with a .394 batting average.

Also, too, something I did not know before, but we share a Birthday, so during the beginning of every new trip around the sun, I will hoist one in his honor.

Dude played for 20 years and struck out only 434 times in 10232 plate appearances, and during the ’95 season only 15 times in 535 at bats. Dude was a machine.

I’ll let Greg Maddux finish it off:

First, Maddux was convinced no hitter could tell the speed of a pitch with any meaningful accuracy. To demonstrate, he pointed at a road a quarter-mile away and said it was impossible to tell if a car was going 55, 65 or 75 mph unless there was another car nearby to offer a point of reference.

“You just can’t do it,” he said. Sometimes hitters can pick up differences in spin. They can identify pitches if there are different releases points or if a curveball starts with an upward hump as it leaves the pitcher’s hand. But if a pitcher can change speeds, every hitter is helpless, limited by human vision.

“Except,” Maddux said, “for that fucking Tony Gwynn.”

Gwynn had a lifetime .415 average against arguably the greatest pitcher in his generation.

 

Back in Black (on a White Background)

Warning: Contents are neither safe nor sex

Um…

So, the last time I came on here and remarked with joy about how we’re back in business, I somehow managed to jinx us so hard one of our hard drives melted, so I hope you’ll forgive me if I’m not exactly heralding the immensely awesome news with it’s deserved amount of pomp and circumstance.

It’s been… kind of a crazy time to be out. We had some members of the Bundy Bunch get so wound up to fulfill their Waco fetish fantasies, that their blue-balled little murder itch manifested in yet another mass shooting slaughterfest (oh hey, how many of those do we have to go through a month before all the suburbanites scared over black people existing go “waitaminute, why do people have the right to hand-carry a howitzer again?”). We had Eric Cantor being deemed not quite evil, suicidal, and willing to destroy the entire country enough for the designated anarchists on the right. And George Will apparently realized that his right-wing base was starting to forget him and so decided to write a surprisingly Bob-awful post on sexual assault. A spree killing was successfully interrupted not by a hail of gunfire, but one hall monitor carrying the same thing that women carry to ward off street harassment. Oh yeah, and the wingnuts exploded over Obama trying to slightly decrease the amount the door is open on the cage the Anthropogenic Climate Change Tiger escaped from over 40 years ago, because apparently even when everywhere in America is having unseasonal weather fuck with crops and water, we’re still supposed to loudly sing in denial in defense of old white oil barons.

Also, holy crap, did you see that Costa Rica game against Uruguay? I mean, talk about upset! Or holy crap that Swiss late winner? And the way John Anthony Brooks finally made good but it may be undone by the comedy of errors that were that series of injuries? And seriously, so many of the games have been so awesome I’ve almost forgotten that FIFA is a rotten pile of shit and football, football, football… er… I mean to say, politics of course. My mind has been entirely dominated by politics and not at all distracted by shiny white and black ball… and er… the unfortunate ending of my relationship with the person who has emotionally been my wife for the last 8 and a half years. Also, scrambling on jobs, while also trying to disconnect our shared lives, and trying not to freak out about where we’re each going to live and whether we’ll find enough work in the short term to not have to move into really shitty situations. And Bob damn, is that beautiful game a nice distraction in the background as I send off a stack of resumes while doing four other jobs and trying not to hyperventilate.

But since, I imagine the kindly Sadly overlords who worked hard for the last two weeks to recover our website would object if I suddenly turned the site into Sadly, GOOOOOOOLLLLLL for the next couple of weeks, I suppose it behooves us to dust off our hazmat suits and once again venture out into the toxic swamps of our favorite wingnuts and see how they’ve been spending the time.
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WoooooooEffinnnHooooooo! And we are back!

Hello Friends, SadlyNaughts and Countrymen, welcome back.

[Update below]

I got nothing for the moment, or actually a couple of zillion things bubbling in the lab, but not quite ready for prime time, so instead consider the fact that Spain only allowed 2 goals during their entire 2010 championship run, and that last night allowed two guys two goals each in their first game.

Shoot whatever fish in what ever barrels you want to.

Huzzah!

[Update]

There is a Univision app* ** that one can put on ones phone which allows one to watch at least every match in the group round (I only hope that using it does not terrorize my bandwidth like the five that Obama loosed are likely to do whence they re-plug into the grid.)

BTW both Cerb and I are nuts about football, though she is likely a bigger fan than I so, IITFWC*** so, well…

Anyhoo, watched the balance of Costa Rica V Uruguay and almost all of Italy V England and to think last week I was wondering where I would watch the games.

Also, too, I was adopted by a smallish male Siamese cat a week ago Thursday which has required certain adjustments…Single no more, and I will admit that there have been a couple of brief moments wherein I kinda wished we had not crossed paths…but he is a good boy and adjusting to the new circumstances, settling in, and of course, training my ass.

Gotta run, wanna see Drogba and Cote D’ivoire play Japan. Apparently they are down 1-0.****

*can be found at iTunes and the Play store.
**thanks to the FSM they also have highlights.
***it is the fucking World Cup
****watching currently on the phone off the s’bucks wifi…

[Update]

Warning, this might be a Football blog for awhile…Oh and the downtime was due to a hard drive failure on the new server, It would seem that the raid array worked, though I have yet to actually check, because, Football.

Ivory Coast just tied it up. Gotta say that these two teams are very closely matched, extremely crisp passing, fuck, Ivory coast scores again in less than a minute or two…Hellofamatch…

 

Summer Rerun Season

Gosh, I wonder what is driving his insecurity about other people being born seemingly male and turning out instead to be girls. It’s just too hard to figure out.

Kevin “I’m Still Having Difficulty With The Fact That Penis Don’t Confer Magical Powers” Williamson, National Trans* Panic*:
Laverne Cox is Not a Woman

Check one. Check Two.

Is this thing on? Oh, hey, everybody, welcome to the all new Sadly, No, lovingly transplanted from its old cyber location due to… reasons. Reasons one should best not think of, also if the cops asked, my name is Jonah Goldberg, got it? Awesome.

Anyways, I guess every wingnut on the planet is looking at the writing on the wall about their growing irrelevancy in a modern pluralistic society, because there is a massive uptick in tired recycled pieces from the usual sources. And though I can dream of the day when those driveling incompetents have to compete in the same “meritocracy” they set for the rest of us and experience for themselves the “job creating” joys that being crushed under the economy’s spiked stilettos brings, it is sadly a dream far off in the future.

In the meantime, we get treated to a “lovely” clip show of each of these fucking ghoulish fuckwads’ “greatest hits” while they harass the interns to write and submit resumes for them.

And today’s a beauty of a post, coming fresh from Vagina-fearing wanna-be white guy Kevin D. Williamson, who has yet another appeal on behalf of biology (no no, not the one where he wants to pretend that being manlier will somehow produce manlier sperm capable of producing only men… yeah, this guy is essentially a 21st century version of Henry VIII) against those eeeeeevil trannies and their crazy voodoo hoodoo.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • Trans* People are still a literally mythic invention by feminists and hippies.

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