Nov
26

The Blood Sacrifices Can’t Fail, They Can Only Be Failed




Posted at 3:38 by Cerberus

Wait, blood sacrifices… ohhhhh, oh (/Cabin in the Woods)

Mark Steyn, National Klansman:
Knockouts High and Low

Obamacare, Obamacare… And might I also note that it isn’t even fresh takes on Obamacare. It’s not oh hey, did our last bullshit not work, let’s try a new smearing of shit. Nope, it’s just a bunch of old tired fucks looking at history relegating their political party to the same dustbin that houses the Whigs and trying to yell the same three or four falsehoods as loud as they can in the hope of making reality scratch its chin and go “you know, maybe I’ve been a little harsh, you make a good point there random crazy fuck”.

Oh, are you still unable to grasp the concept that acquiring health care isn’t just a matter of putting your latest trophy wife’s elective botox injection in your Amazon cart and clicking checkout? Or that your many years of demagoguing about the eeeeeevils of people getting services they don’t actually qualify for means that there’s a lot of checks and double checks that are federally mandated before they can sign anyone up for these services?

Well gosh, I guess you win and nobody ever needs health care ever again. It’s just so utterly mind-numbingly-

Wait, is that? It couldn’t be. Could it?

Is that a single fucking post that’s finally not about goddamn Obamacare?

Hallelujah, strike up the chorus and let’s get this angel orgy started. At long last, it seems like that even the endless stamina of right-wing psychos and paid hacks might be running out on this repetitive horseshit and we might start getting some new crazy to replenish our poor neglected swamp.

So what’s this one about anyways?

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • So as part of our plan to retroactively justify us gleefully celebrating the modern lynching of an unarmed black teenager by a man who has turned out to be just the violent fuck he appeared to be at first, we’ve decided to start just straight up ripping off racist conspiracies from Stormfront in the hopes of convincing our octagenarian racist white base to view black teenagers as animalistic murderers who kill defenseless old white people LIKE YOU for FUN! DUN DUN DUN! Seriously, though, this is your out for wanting to bring back lynching as your method of coping to the fact that you’re not going to erase the existence of a black president.

Read the rest of this entry »


Nov
20

Indie Tour Set 2: Who Am I to Feel So Free




Posted at 16:09 by Cerberus

I was originally going to photoshop something to do with his sad little self-promotion picture of him wondering to the camera just how to live with himself, but then I realized I couldn’t stand one more second staring at his face and I knew this would piss off the usual suspects, so I decided fuck it! “Happy” Transgender Day of Remembrance everybody!

Matt Walsh, Radio Douchebag’s Self Promotion Blog:
Some people don’t deserve a living wage

Obamacare, Obamacare, Obamacare. Yeah, fuck this noise, let’s take another duck down one of the lesser known tributaries and let the B-sides of the Right’s paid hack brigade have their temporary day in the sun, because, holy fuck am I out of anything to say about fucking Obamacare.

Today’s post is by some wannabe Rush Limbaugh libertarian douchebag with a radio show (and right there I described at least half the right-wing blogosphere), who was helpfully linked to by perennial punching bags, Gay Patriot.

Well, by linked, I mean linked to by a guest post that may or may not be written by Matt Walsh himself, because if we’re not willing to get lost in the really deep thickets then we can shut up and enjoy our Obamacare soup like all the other naughty children.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • As I stated in the title: Some people deserve to die for want of a living wage. Think that’s harsh? Well, I’ve got my wingnut welfare gig, so fuck ‘em. If they didn’t want to starve to death and die, they wouldn’t have… been alive and not me?

Read the rest of this entry »


Nov
16

Nobody Knows What It’s Like to be the Bad Man




Posted at 18:58 by Cerberus

I mean, for fuck’s sake, we’ve even got the t-shop ready for this kind of shit.

Richard Cohen, Even the Liberal Washington Post:
Richard Cohen

Richard Cohen has feelings. Feelings of an almost human nature about being lightly criticized for writing one of those easily criticized posts we’ve seen a million times before by those journalists addicted to “he said/she said horse races”. You know the type.

Shorter Wankjob:

  • The narrative of the primacy of the moderate must be upheld. Mean liberals claim that the other side is full of unmedicated psychotic bigots and bullies, but clearly they are misunderstood and not as bad. Also, here’s one who is a proper moderate and therefore better than all the meanie head extremist liberals who actually want to treat the lesser races as people.

Read the rest of this entry »


Nov
14

Indie Tour Set 1: Fagetarian and Dyke




Posted at 13:20 by Cerberus

Well, maybe this three hour tour won’t be so bad…

John “Jesus Was a” Carpenter, iPost, uPost, Wii All Post for Christian Post:
The Zero Sum Game of “Gay Rights”

Obamacare, Obamacare, Obamacare, Obamacare, Obamacare…

The fetid river reeks of the spilled blood of a thousand corpses. Nothing new for these well-trod veins through the heart of this vile jungle, but it has become worse to bear now.

Where once these streams flowed free well enough for our boat to avoid the rot and decay that surrounded us, the river has now dried up, leaving us stranded among the human wreckage, our every sense assaulted.

The unholy din from the trees hath been our only companion for who knows how many fortnights. A monomaniacal cry of Obamacare pierces through the day and night. Sleep is a distant dream and I fear what remains of my wits will die along with my body on this rotted wastes…

Or I could just say fuck it and take the stream less traveled.

Eh… fuck it.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • If I can’t tell you are an inferior swine just by looking at you, then clearly you are the real bigoted oppressor. Take that, you fucking faggot!

Read the rest of this entry »


Nov
11

My Obamacare Brings All the Psychotics to the Yard




Posted at 0:43 by Cerberus

And they’re like it’s better than we were counting on… Damn right, it’s better than- *BANG* And that’s enough of that.

Joel B. Pollak, Wearing a Dead Man’s Blog:
Ellmers to Sebelius: Why Must Men Buy Maternity Coverage Under Obamacare?

Siiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

Obamacare*.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • Ha ha ha, seriously Obamacare? You really think women exist? Oh ho, everyone knows that the only people in existence are white cismen and you supposed others are just the nightmare manifestations of our drug-fueled binges.

Read the rest of this entry »


Nov
6

Pretty much as I predicted, except that…




Posted at 0:38 by Sadly, No!

Via Roy we read this:

This reminded me of Pierre Trudeau, of whom it has been said, “It tells you everything that he honeymooned in the Soviet Union”…

Which sounds like an ok story if you’re a wingnut, except, of course, for this:

trudeau_honeymoon

Or in non-picture, Sadly, No! format:

Margaret [Trudeau] changed all that. At first, the relationship seemed a continuation of Trudeau’s abiding interest in younger women, a Trudeaumania narrowcasted into a marriage. The newlyweds took a skiing honeymoon in Whistler, B.C., media in tow, with everyone giddy over the refreshing hipness of Canada’s First Couple. When the Trudeaus took an official trip to the Soviet Union two months later…

I wonder who else was visiting the Soviet Union around that time.


Nov
4

Arthur, lover and beloved




Posted at 15:53 by Provider_UNE

I am not sure how much mirth this post will bring to the party, but a few hours ago one of my oldest and favorite Internet friends, GWPDA, lost her loving long time companion, a Shar-pei plenipotentiary, regal in bearing and dainty of foot, Arthur. He was 15 years at the time of his passing.

ARTHUR

His magnificence came to my personal attention around a decade ago. GWPDA and I were regulars at the Eschaton at the time and became fast friends. Between pictures that she shared and the tales that she told, Arthur became one of my most beloved beasts. I had always hopedo to meet him.

I do know that he met me after a fashion, for one year I sent him a dog toy of a variety I was assured he would enjoy along with a small bag of the most interesting loam I could dig up from my backyard, laden with a symphony of scents; traces of groundhog, raccoon, a variety of cats, and who knows what other varmentage. I have been told that he loved the small piece of Indiana that found a place in a backyard in Phoenix.

Among many of the wonderful things about the Internets, are the friendships made that otherwise would have never been made possible. I treasure each and every last one of you.

Write about love and being loved and loving. These are the things that My Boy brought.

GWPDA, I am not sure I have done you or Arthur the justice you both deserve, but know that I love you and will miss him dearly.


Nov
2

Frothy Mixtures and Presidential Aspirations




Posted at 23:49 by Cerberus

Remember kiddies, if you’re planning on interacting with Santorum, wear protection. Wear ALL the protection you can.

George Will, The Washington Host:
For Santorum, the fight goes on

Obamacare, Obamacare, impeachment fantasy, Obamacare, Obamacare, $@*^ football, Obamacare…

There are moments with the right-wing wurlitzer where it’s more exhausting than anything else. I mean, what else is there to say about their continued attempts to last-minute sabotage a plan they would have cheered 10 years ago?

Yeah, it’s a bunch of anarchist-wannabe whiners unable to cope with the fact that they not only lost but they were fighting on the wrong side of history (oh hai, confederacy revivalists, I didn’t see you there). Yeah, it’s the starkest demonstration that they will fight to the literal death to prevent even the barest amount of improvement in the daily life of actual people. Yeah, it reveals just how little respect these wanna-be fascists have for the whole institution of democracy and how little they can handle basic reality or the notion that actions have consequences. And yeah, buried in there is the meager hope that maybe just maybe the iron grip of these fuckers is slipping and we’re getting really close to putting them behind us and having a brief revolutionary window where we can fix one or two things before the olds and the moderates get scared again.

So yeah, fuck that, let’s watch George Will openly sob into a box of wine instead.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. Is the gravy train finally stopping? Um, ignore the current predicament, dream of a Reagan to save us in 2016. Uh, who could be our Reagan. Well, there’s… er… him… but… uh… Fuck. It’s goddamn frothy mixture Santorum, isn’t it? Well fuck. Time to break out the cyanide cocktails, gentleman. And bottoms up!

Read the rest of this entry »


Oct
31

Moar Foo-Ball!




Posted at 8:28 by Cerberus

Flag on the play. Jesus with the personal foul. Illegal use of improvised weapon. 15 yards.

Parnell Donahue, Ruddy America:
How can I get my kids to go to church?

Did I offend some ancient deity along the way? Spit upon a holy altar made of skinned pig and chips of corn? Cross a nasty gremlin whose favorite sport is the rugby with pads homoerotic jockstrap parade that is American Football? I know it’s that time of the year again, but holy fuck people.

Cause, lately, it seems like if an article isn’t about Obamacare or some made up attempt to impeach the president for “no fair winning all the time”, it’s some fucking paean to the various cults of the white tuning forks.

Now, you might be saying. The hell? But this topic isn’t even about football!

Oh, ye mighty, look upon these works and weep.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • How do you trap your morally corrupted brood in the same hateful and backwards religion that you’ve made your daily bread? Ha! That’s simple, buy some Jesus foam fingers, crack upon a twelve-pack and get shit-faced yelling at a screen of the Jesus failing to convert on 3rd and 1. Because at this point, let’s just drop the pretense that we worship anything other than the all-sainted pigskin on Fall Sundays.

And in case you thought I was joking…

First, be a fan and watch the games. Remember action is more important than talk. Then, get some Packer paraphernalia like Caps, Jerseys, and maybe even a cheese-head or two. Talk about the players at dinner and involve your kids in the conversation. Hey, gets some tickets and make a family road trip to Wisconsin. By the time your kids are teens they will be fans.

ALWAYS TRUST THE SHORTER!


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. An actual short post…? What spore of madness is this? We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Read the rest of this entry »


Oct
27

Foo-Ball!




Posted at 23:18 by Cerberus

Let’s go Ethnic Slurs, let’s go (clap clap clap)

Michael Bresciani, Ravage the Native Americans:
Want to be politically correct, how about – ‘The Washington Snakeskins’?

Ooh, football, excellent! I mean, there are some really exciting things going on right now. I mean, tiny Iceland is a single playoff away from being in their first ever World Cup, which is huge and…

What? No, the other one? The one with the pads and the more locally relevant toxic jock culture to make me resistant to enjoying the game even if I was inclined?

Oh, great. So what’s been happening with that… whole thing?

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • Native Americans and those who are not actually white supremacists wanting a deliberate racial slur to change is literal Satanism.

Read the rest of this entry »


Oct
22

Don’t Sample the Product, Dummy!




Posted at 5:17 by Cerberus


Memo to morons: The “kids today” aren’t cheering you on, they’re cheering your impending deaths and the day we actually can affect some positive fucking change in the world.

Chriss Street, American Wishful Thinking:
Times Are A-Changin’ for Conservatives

It’s been absolutely fascinating to watch the wingnut brigade rip each other apart these days.

I’ve been noting with some haughty bemusement just how resistant the conservative horde has been to even the barest personal responsibility for just how thoroughly they have tried to destroy the country in the name of punishing “liberals”.

The notion that there are actually consequences for literally running on destroying a president and preventing anything positive being done during a Second Depression or for pissing on every group but an ever shrinking pool of rich white heteronormative men, is so appalling to them that they are quickly spinning around trying to point to anyone who walks past as the “real culprit”.

And it has also been amazing to see the proud faces of those who have tried to invent “Tea Party” as something “new” and “nascent” and proof that conservatism is on the rise blanch and stiffen to the Old Guard bigots being only too happy to give them full credit for the latest self-fail of the Republican Party.

And of course, being creatures wholly incapable of accepting any reality that is anything short of adulatory, it has led only to a deranged version of the bargaining phase of grief.

For example:

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • Nuh uh, the kids totally love us for trying to destroy them repeatedly and they’re going to swarm in and save our decrepit ancient asses from ever having to change and I’ll fight to the death against any meanie head wingnut who doesn’t share this delusion.

    My proof of this is that this generation is more liberal than the guy we’ve decided is Super Stalin, the fact that the bullshit we’ve been selling to the public in a last bid to shutdown Obamacare has been claiming to do so in the name of those pesky youth, and lastly and most importantly, the fact that youth have been a force for transformative change in the past. QED, permanent Republican Majority, motherfuckers!

Read the rest of this entry »


Oct
17

My Liberal Brain Can’t Handle THIS Much Personal Responsibility




Posted at 9:27 by Cerberus

And there was a thundering of hooves and a clattering of swords, and when the dust cleared, only one remained standing. Her armor dented, but gleaming red in the noon-day sun.

James W. Lucas, American Can We Get a Mulligan, Please?:
Sun Tzu, Ken Cuccinelli, and the “War on Women” Gambit

I’m sorry, is that a title or the next question in a game of “fuck, marry, kill”?

So yeah, guess who has two thumbs and a semi-functional federal government again? The able-bodied members of this country, aw yeah!

So far, my favorite quote of the whole failed douchebag maneuver has to be the quote from Boehner in this article that goes: “Blocking the bipartisan agreement reached today by the members of the Senate will not be a tactic for us.”

Aww, poor baby, did it turn out your brilliant strategy of pouting really hard and demanding to be given the keys to the government break down at the first realization that reality actually exists and there are consequences to being a giant fuckwad?

I so sowwy.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • What? Turns out women can vote and we don’t actually have the numbers necessary to win elections entirely on the backs of the 27%. Uhhhh, well, let’s just do the same shit we always do and hope that everything goes back to normal and makes us electorally viable again without having to change. If this keeps happening, I might have to admit that our right-wing insane bullshit actually isn’t as universally applauded as I want to pretend it is and us wingnuts might have to accept some personal responsibility for making it slightly more favorable to elect raw sewage than anyone with an R next to their name… NAH!

Read the rest of this entry »


Oct
15

When We Said We Wanted to Burn it Down, We Didn’t Think There’d be so Much Smoke




Posted at 9:47 by Cerberus

Personal responsibility hurt. Me no like.

Shorter Rev. Michael Bresciani, American Tantrum:
I’ll have my Way — or America will Suffer

  • It’s not our fault, Obama made us shutdown the government! What with his thinking he was so high and mighty and could pass vaguely liberal legislation just because liberals won elections! He just made us so angry! He knows how we get when we get angry, so it was all his fault! Maybe if he wasn’t slutting around with the queers we wouldn’t have to put him in his place so often!

Sigh. The shutdown.
Read the rest of this entry »


Oct
11

Time-Travelers and Hypocrites




Posted at 9:13 by Cerberus

God doesn’t like it when you know your partner, luckily, we can fix that booboo right up. Oh stop crying, this is for your own good.

Marsha West, Anti-Rooibos America:
Sin is at the heart of what is wrong in your life

Conservatives are weird.

Which yeah, understatement of the millennium, but it’s worth noting because of all the hard-selling they do for the status quo and the way they so utterly fixate on any minor difference and excuse they can use to abuse and mistreat in the name of “normality” and “conformity”, they are still, really really fucking weird.

A lifetime of locking one’s arms and digging in one’s heels in the hopes of halting the ever-forward momentum of history and the millions whose broken and battered bodies make it so means a lifetime of growing more and more separated from its impacts or changes.

And it leaves the poor confused dears like time travelers from the times when things used to suck even more, cheerfully relating how the perfidy of the Irish is destroying the Protestant heritage of this country as everyone glances nervously at their glasses and wonders exactly how strong their drinks really were.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • Now some Christians may have abandoned getting hung up on that “living in sin” thing what with it being a no-brainer to have some experience actually living with one’s partner before getting incredibly entangled in what is often intended to be a life-long commitment, but real Christians know that those fakers are going to be burning for eternity in Hell right alongside the faggots and those who engage in the demon sport known as dancing.

Read the rest of this entry »


Oct
8

I AM YOUR GOD!




Posted at 23:27 by Cerberus

You know if you just came out and let yourself be a leather daddy, you wouldn’t need to externalize your issues quite so much.

Joseph Farah, Wing Nut Daily:
Why I’m the world’s most tolerant person

Snrk… Bwahahaha… BAHAHAHAHAHA! I, oh man, pfft. Really? That title? I mean, bwahahahahaha seriously dude? Oh Bob, fuck, my sides, I bwahahahaha *thunk* ouch, too much. Snrk, bwahahahaha-

(Sorry for this readers, let’s just give her a minute to get it out of her system)

Hahahaha who is he kid-snrk?

(Uh, let’s just roll the shorter until she gets back)

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • I’m the most motherfucking tolerant person you know! Sure, I might be throwing a full-blown hissy fit over the indignant notion that the Fox-style pet “liberal” we brought over to serve as our global punching bag and straw-man factory is daring to even lightly call conservatives out on their bullshit, but that just proves that I’m the Jesus fucking Christ of tolerance. I mean, would an intolerant person have a punching bag specifically used to deflect these accusations? Or hate nearly everybody on the planet for daring to not be exactly like me? NO FUCKING WAY! AND I’LL RIP THE THROAT OUT OF ANYONE WHO DARES SAY OTHERWISE! THIS IS MY PLAYGROUND! MINE, MINE, MINE!

Read the rest of this entry »


Oct
6

To All the Small Business Owners in Skyboxes Across America




Posted at 0:25 by Cerberus

Michelle Malkin and National Review, two great… tastes… that… oh bleeding Hell Christ, is it Judgement Day already?

Michelle Malkin, National Wingnut Reunion Tour:
Obama Lied, My Health Plan Died

Esoteric topics are esoteric?!? Since when?!?

So yeah, last time’s entry might have been a teensy bit inside baseball (And the Understatement of the Year Award goes to…), so let us return once more to the fertile lands of the National Review, which seems to be in the midst of recruiting every single failed shitbag with a halfway recognizable name. Dennis Prager, Michelle Malkin? Why not? Fuck, I give it inside of a year before I’m quoting an Ann Coulter piece coming from these blighted lands.

So how’s ol’ Michelle, mah belladonna, been up to since her glory days of ripping the heads off kittens and pissing in the kiddie pool? Well apparently, like most of the wingnuts of today, whining about the glory days.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • Yes, that’s correct, we’re still trying to sell easily disproven lies and scare-tactics against health care reform as if it was still 2009 and we were still relevant. Hey, you try to be relevant in the modern right as a woman of color without turning tricks by the roadside for whatever sugar daddy wanders drunkenly your way!

Oh joy, more Obamacare bullshit. Because if the past 4 years of wingnuts demonstrating just how little they give a shit about actual health care reform and how willing they are to scream bloody murder against even moderate conservative reform of our broken abusive system haven’t actually changed a single mind, then damnitt, they can just do the same things, but EVEN LOUDER!

And for that extra dash of class, we get a title still trying to piss on Bush era liberals as if a) we didn’t turn out to be 100% right about that disastrous war of choice and b) as if it was a good idea to remind people that you were once so attached to Captain Codpiece’s… er… codpiece that you were accused of being a barnacle.
Read the rest of this entry »


Oct
5

Burn Your Idols!




Posted at 20:27 by Cerberus

Moses, another figure who who had a massive asshole moment.

Julia Serano, Whipping Girl Blog:
FAAB-mentality

IMPORTANT ADDITION: When I say this post is about to be inside baseball and esoteric, it turns out what I meant was it’d be a soggy mess of impenetrable minor distinctions that are going to be a lot of foreign terms very fast for those who aren’t currently living the experience of being a trans* person who is connected to a robust queer community. And so I apologize for this. It was an experiment and like most experiments it failed horribly. For those still interested after this warning, I hope you find something to enjoy and that you keep this warning in mind. For those who have already zoomed on ahead, I leave my apologies.

Today’s post is over 6 months old. It’s not by a prominent wingnut. In fact, the author is someone I downright worship and whose other work I cannot recommend more strongly. It’s not some obvious complete failure of empathy like Richard Dawkins’s horrifying defense of child rape. In fact the focus of the post is kind of esoteric and might be a little inside baseball. In complete honesty, it’s not even that egregious of a fuck up really, more an example of how everyone can trip over themselves and be a complete dick every once in a while.

And on top of all that, when I say I worship her, I don’t just mean that I think she’s a good author and done great works, I mean she has my undying gratitude and is possibly my strongest modern heroine. Not only is her seminal work “Whipping Girl”, in my opinion, one of the best works on the subject of transwomen and one of the best trans* non-fiction books ever written and my personal go-to when pointing people to resources on understanding trans* issues (to the point where I usually own three copies at any given time so I can have one on the shelf, one for heavy referencing, and one for loaning out), but… It’s the work that finally junk-punched through my self-denial and got me to accept the obvious truth my brain had been trying to tell me for awhile. Reading Whipping Girl got me to stop diminishing myself and pretending that having a butch physical body meant I wasn’t a woman. It cut through all the societal messages that emphasized transsexual as being of an exaggerated gender performance and grounded arguments in actual biology and self-reported experiences instead of off-putting semi-religious conversations about souls and spirits.

She’s the author who let me start being me and start being open and out to my loved ones about who I am and let me luck out in first exploring my identity in a space where there was strong social support and acceptance. What she provided for me with one little book, I cannot ever hope to pay back.

So why in Bob’s ever-loving spatial taint am I giving her post, the Sadly, No! treatment? When it would be so easy to just walk on past and never reference it. When it’s not that bad and I owe her so much?
Read the rest of this entry »


Oct
3

I read the news today…Oh boy.




Posted at 20:36 by Provider_UNE

A post about nothing in the news or boys. Just the earwig that inspired the following.

So on this, my sunday,…A somewhat navel gazing post…Please forgive and feel free to consider it an open thread…Is Provider using ellipses paranthetically, well yes he is…I ran into a conservative at breakfast, a self identified republican, who deigned to dither libertarian when I admitted to being an unabashed Marxist, in other words a decent sort, a member of the Clinton/DLC/Obama/Eisenhowerian side of the ledger (though I doubt that he would admit his existence in that continuum.) In other words, not a ratshit craze-ball.

As I was just looking for breakfast I did not push as much as I might under other circumstances. And to make this perfectly clear, I was not the one who started the discussion, well, actually, I did, in my usual fashion, asking for the sports page, sensing a genuine conviviality and after shitting about some random things, he felt comfortable enough to bring up the fact that he was a Republican.

I run into this on occasion as I tend to be, in the main, a guy who gets along easily with people and with whom people, who regardless of viewpoints, generally trust (as a result, I have on no fewer than three occasions, have had it explained to me that while a particular person might have black friends and therefore is not a racist, turn on a dime and explain that they are not OK with inter-racial marriage, which has always left me with the thought of “what do you think I am the product of?”)

My breakfast companion would probably only need a four hour course to come around to our side, rather than the 12 year remedial education focusing on Civics, History, and what it might mean to be in possession of the privilege inherent, when one, by dint of birth, finds themselves in the possession of a pale penis, than most of the petard hoisted bastards that we usually poke fun of around here.

As is my wont, I did feed food for thought, or at least, I would hope so…Though he did object to my characterization of his party as a bunch of bomb throwing, hostage taking, terrorists, (he wasn’t having any of that, though the fact that the exchange made it to that point without the spilling of blood, is telling.)

In other-words I met the very [something] model of a modern Major [Something], and by the cut of his cloth I suspect a person of middle management at a major corp, or someone near the top of the dogpile at a smallish regional situation, and speaking of dogpile, I don’t believe that I have mentioned Vera in this space…

Put the head of a chihuahua on the neck of a smallish Basset or Dachshund, lengthen the legs and neck and one would end up with one of the cutest beasts in creation. I promise pictures.

Back to which seems to be a point that I had been planning to make. The fellow in question seems to represent a member of the 13-20% that when added to the famed 27% makes it difficult for us to have nice things. The sad thing is that he actually appears to have a semblance of a brain and appears to pay a pittance of attention…We did not spend enough time together, and I was not pressing the point, but I suspect that our Major could fly anything though one of his blind-spots.

Just to prove that you all can talk about anything, I was just enjoying my post post smoke and watching a butterfly work around the margins of a fence when it occurred to me that in a previous (and possibly future) life as a lawn care specialist (Dixie Choppers Rule, save the name) that I may have taken down some four leaf clovers. At least I am pretty certain that I managed to avoid taking out any rabbit warrens…

[update]

From the comments Dragon delivers the word:

Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

October 3, 2013 at 21:52 · Edit

OBS had an interesting link downstairs. That guy is saving $13K annually and getting better coverage – so he’s quite aware that the GOP is just plain outright lying on the ACA. He’s got obvious data staring him in the face – $35 bucks a day, 365 days a year. He knows that the Republicans are straight up full of shit on Obamacare. And yet that is the thing that the crazy-ass teatards have shut government down for.

So how does he describe himself?

I still am a very strong Republican, but this… I’m so happy that this came along

Obamacare is making a very significant improvement to his quality of life. He’s retired and living off his nest egg – possible because his mortgage and car are all paid off. He’s achieved his own slice of the American Dream – a comfortable life, free and clear. Well almost, he still had the one major monthly expense, an expense which had quadrupled over thirteen years – an 11% annual rate of increase. Obamacare has taken that worry away. Obamacare has relieved him of the threat of the $10,000 deductible. And he knows that others will see similar effects. He knows that there are people who, like him, had been grossly misinformed and outright lied to by the Grand Old Party.

Obamacare is the mortal enemy of the Republican party – something they see as an existential threat to America (as opposed to an existential threat to the greedy fuckwad mentality that has come to define them so very well). Even the non-teatard Republicans who are for ending the shutdown are only saying that because they think there are better ways to destroy Obamacare. But that guy is still self-described as “a very strong Republican.”

Why? Is it because he’s got the intellectual curiosity of a bag of rocks? Is it because he’s greedy? Is it because he’s dumb?

What’s the ask here? That we keep in mind that despite being Republicans, these people are still people? A “love the sinner but hate the sin” approach? I dunno. I mean it’s true that we all have blind spots. Getting up and out of bed every morning is an exercise of faith – one that experience ought to have taught us was hardly worthwhile. And yet here we are.

This should occur more frequently…


Oct
2

I was a Right Wing Anarchist




Posted at 8:41 by Cerberus

But the politics weren’t inconvenient enough.

Christopher Chantrill, American Anarchist:
There Has to be a System

So the Republican Party has decided to bring out their chain-store bought Che Guevara/Dead Kennedys shirt and play at being a totally kickass anarchist and bring down the man, man by enacting a government shutdown over a last ditch effort to literally whine an inconvenient law (politically) into no longer being a law. Because, who fucking cares about all the people like counting on shit actually running in this country, which would be everyone when one can air out their Brooks Brothers white polo tees and play at being the rampaging hordes they piss on the other 364 days out of the year.

So of course, given this demonstration of how the Republican Party are at this point, literally a band of terroristic nihilists willing to blow up everything if they don’t get their way, no matter what the pesky people say, it’s only natural that the wingnuts would take this time to show their solidarity and support taking down the system, privileged white douchebag pretending he understands oppression style.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

Cause hey, why not take the one redeeming aspect of anarchism (a recognition of the way hierarchical structures often entrench bigotry and oppression at the expense of those beneath and the way the status quo often only benefits those who have always benefitted) and just rip its spine out Mortal Kombat style so that rich white fuckwads can pretend their real-people-harming temper tantrum is some kind of principled stance against some nebulous “system”.

Some years ago I was discussing conservative health care ideas with a liberal ex-pat Brit. This was when Obamacare was just a gleam in Obama’s eye. Her comeback was that “there has to be a system.”

Yes. There in fact does need to be a system. And in the absence of a system, then systems will coalesce, often in even more abusive ways to marginalized members because they make convenient scapegoats/targets for exploitation. Just look at Somalia. Remove the “system” and it doesn’t free the people, just leaves them at the mercy of smaller more abusive systems of warlords and profiteers who use the lack of protection for their victims to institute a system where the most sociopathic and cruel win. Now, yes, systems like our own in the States or authoritarian systems around the globe reveal you can set up the same thing with rules and laws, but it’s not those rules and laws in and of themselves that are manufacturing the problem.

And with something like health care, there is always going to be a system in place. It may be shitty with you going to the local woman with the biggest herb garden who hasn’t been killed as a witch yet and begging her to treat your syphilis, but it’ll be a system. I know Chris is a robot with no need for organic health care, but us fleshy mortals are not so lucky.

Though I understand exactly why Chris and the other wingnuts only want to focus on how they made Obamacare less perfect, I mean, why it’s not flawless, I mean, why it must suck so bad and it’s a system and blah blah blah. Because it sounds way less noble when they have to mention that they are fighting to the death to keep us shackled to the current system which everybody is already more than aware sucks great big donkey balls.

I mentioned that to Lady Marjorie, who is blasting into orbit right now that her individual health insurance plan has been terminated and replaced with a plan that costs 30 percent more with higher deductibles.

It’s amazing how much they are flogging these scare stories about the scam coverages getting cancelled. Oh noes, you can’t have the health plans where you paid an insurance company money and in exchange they didn’t give you any real health coverage anymore. Oh, what has this world come to?!?

She retorted that most people think that a “big thing” like health care or education just has to be done by the government.
In other words, there has to be a system.

Well, yeah, if you want it to not suck, it can be done by the government. If you want it to completely suck, only provide reasonable service for the richest 1% and cost about a bajillion times more, then sure, open it up to the “alternatives”.

Which yes, is indeed the three-card-monte that the Republicans have been playing all along the boulevards of Fuck the Government, Individual Liberty, and Faux-Anarchism. Pretending that the government exists as an entity unto itself, both unconnected to the people who make it up, have direct power over it, and benefit from it as well as the rest of the fucking world. As if getting rid of government somehow meant that you had a spare health care just chilling in your living room fetching you brewskis.

When you remove the government, there’s a vacuum and where there’s a vacuum, the parasites descend and since they aren’t chartered to put the needs of their beneficiaries first, it ends up bad for all. We see it in America with us paying way more for our internet, electricity, health care, etc… while getting less and less in return (but making a small group of parasites very very wealthy).

Which to be fair to the right-wing ghouls, is in fact their goal as they are directly employed by said parasites to protect the scam, but still.

No there doesn’t.

Aw, you mean we can just Fuck the System and boom, the man will be gone! Whoa! Like pass the hashish bro.

And we know that liberals know this because of their professed love of Darwinian evolution.

… No, I want to see where he goes with this.

Liberals love evolution because it neuters the notion that God organized and created everything everything from scratch, that God created a top-down “system” and said that it was good.

Hierarchy uber alles!

Wow, way to fuck up your first taste of anarchism bro, worshiping the iron bootheel of a hierarchy. There’s a reason the chant goes “No Gods, No Masters!”

On the contrary, evolution by natural selection says that the living organisms that adapt best to their environment get to survive and breed successfully and the others don’t. There’s no system except the DNA and sexual reproduction, and all that is a product of evolution too.

Um, first off, no. Second off, you just noted that it’s a system. Not a terribly kind system to a species entering into an extinction event or to the individuals who end up dying off through a major environmental shift, but a system nonetheless. Which brings up third, yeah, there’s a reason why “social Darwinism”, that brain-dead conservative fart bubble of an “idea” has always been a rancid excuse for greed and lack of empathy rather than an actual “philosophy”.

Letting people die because you don’t understand what “fittest” means in an evolutionary biological capacity (hint: it doesn’t mean the species or individuals that are the “best” succeed) is not how we want to emulate our system, especially if said people we are leaving out in the cold are sentient enough to notice that they are literally being left out to die.

That sort of no-hope, you might as well go down swinging shit is what brings out the real anarchy and revolutions that make rich douchebags living large on the protections of the system break out into a cold sweat.

But health care without a system? That’s Social Darwinism! That means leaving the poor and the helpless to go without! There’s no hope of getting affordable health care without a system, a government system run by large-minded liberals and their expert-led supporters.

This is correct. Without a system to deliver healthcare, then most will go without and die of easily preventable diseases.

Thank you for correctly identifying the problem.

(Watch him deliver absolutely no rebuttal of this in the paragraphs to follow)

So Obama created Obamacare and said that it was good.

And Obama is rival God, aka the Antichrist dog whistle quotient fulfilled. Check.

This would normally be the point to insert stuff about the Smith’s Invisible Hand, Burke’s “sophisters, economists, and calculators,” Spencer’s idea of society as an unconscious organism, Mises on prices, Hayek on bureaucracy, public choice, famines under socialism. Settled science, don’t you know.

MAKING ARGUMENTS IS HARD!

But Daniel Henninger makes the point that facts and theories don’t matter when it comes to political ideas like Obamacare.

An established political idea is like a vampire. Facts, opinions, votes, garlic: Nothing can make it die.

But there is one thing that can kill an established political idea. It will die if the public that embraced it abandons it.

Uh huh, yup. Totes impossible to end an established political idea, yup. Which is why we are still a royal colony of Britain, segregation and slavery are still the law of the land in the South, women are still legally chattel, it is still legal to beat one’s wives and property (including children) if they prove uppity, and fags and trannies are still imprisoned when they are caught out in their mockeries of all mighty Jesus.

Or maybe it’s fucking hard as shit and leaves it’s share of corpses and battered lives in the road, but people aren’t actually at the mercy of entrenched status quo but can actually resist with a revolution of thought turning to revolution of deeds turning to revolution of ideas to revolution of laws. Which, yeah, would be where I tend to have respect for anarchism, real anarchism, for generally being pretty damn good at the beginning, where all one sees is a fucked up system and people just sort of accepting it because “what are you going to do”, and calling that shit out and taking the first punches to allow others to really start going “oh yeah, that system really is fucked up, ain’t it?”

Good try Danny boy, but I got a better one. It comes from NYT science editor Nicholas Wade in his Faith Instinct, a book all about religion considered as natural selection. He writes:

Gods die when people no longer worship them.

Man, the existence of atheists in HIS PERFECT WORLD is just burning his chaps, ain’t it? Yeah, good luck with that anarchistic movement when you can’t even get through a single fucking post without itching to bust heads with the power of a coercive state.

Since we are full of Darwin today, I think we can include the secular gods in this maxim too. Marxism will die when people stop worshipping Marx.

Should I tell him, or do you want to?

Big government will die when people stop worshipping the system.

All you gotta do is take down the man, man, and then all the shit gets better.

Psst, Chris, there’s a reason no one likes that douchebag. Hint, it’s not because he’s so right and his parents and friends just don’t understand him.

But there is another way that the world changes. It’s when people just give up. Here is the incomparable Willa Cather describing in Death Comes to the Archbishop the Navajos giving up after Kit Carson had invaded their tribal sanctuary, the Canyon de Chelly.

Carson followed them down into the hidden world between those towering walls of red sandstone, destroyed their stores, laid waste to their deep-sheltered corn-fields, cut down the terraced peach orchards to dear to them. When they saw all that was sacred to them laid waste, the Navajos lost heart. They did not surrender, they simply ceased to fight, and were taken.

You can see what is going on right now in the Obamacare wars.

Fuck you.

Some racist ass myth about the Native Americans deserving their subjugation and the repeated lies and broken deals we threw their way because they supposedly “gave up” on themselves does not fucking say anything, much less anything about your sad little self-serving crusade to deny the scary black man any “wins” and prevent Democrats from improving society in ways that could negatively affect the ability of Republicans to reliably steal elections in the future.

Sane people are giving up on your crusade and viewing you as exactly the same sore losers who have spent the last 150 years trying to refight the treasonous war you lost in no uncertain terms, because it’s a pointless fucking fight willing to sacrifice lives for no more noble reason than to aid election prospects for a gang of thieves and sociopaths.

You want to rip off the bandaids, “start” the Obamacare Wars you’ve been losing for the last four years and blame it on the middle class? And then whine when people notice that the quagmire ain’t bringing the boys back home? Well, sorry, Sally, but no.

You decided to ruin everyone’s lives shutting everyone’s lives down because once again you don’t have the self-respect to admit that you’ve lost, again. That’s not nobility, that’s not surrender, that’s acceptance.

What you are doing is the same reality denial shit you’ve been trying to pull ever since the first peasant said “hey, fuck this oppression shit”.

The Democrats are telling us that resistance is futile: it’s the Law, etc.

Yes, the war is over, and your entrenched band of neo-nazis is still pretending the German Panzers are right over the hill to bail your asses out.

Why not just give up, you extremist anarchist Republicans?

A damn good question seeing as how nobody, and I mean nobody asked you to destroy our country to prevent the barest of incremental changes from having the tiniest of impacts.

And the Republican establishment seems to be going along, offering merely mild objections.

Which is why they’ve gone all in on Operation Give the Anarchist a Cigarette.

But Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) is offering an alternative. That is the strategic meaning of his tactically meaningless non-filibuster. He is saying “Nuts!” He is proposing to lead conservatives and Republicans out of the land of Egypt into the Promised Land. He is saying that we have not yet begun to fight. He is suggesting that with Obamacare the Democrats have gone a bridge too far, and that now is the time to strike back. He is calling on us “boldly [to] outdare / The dangers of the time.”

So… wait, you’re actually admitting that your religious heroes were anarchist rabble-rousers (Jesus was a terrorist)? Huh. Wasn’t expecting that.

For this is our creed, the creed of the People of the Responsible Self. There can be no system for us, for free men and women, because system is domination.

This reminds me of that brand of douchebag faux-anarchists who say that we shouldn’t fight hierarchical oppressions because recognizing hierarchies exist is acknowledging a system of division and “anarchists don’t believe in systems, man” so of course the white rich men who just want to rebel against their parents should lead over the black trans* lesbian with the history of actual political success and scars from the front lines.

We responsible individuals, joined in voluntary cooperation under a limited government, make and unmake such systems as we want and need according to our responsibilities to ourselves and to our families and to society at large.

And do you know what that is called, kiddies?

That’s right.

GOVERNMENT!

You ignorant mark!

And we know that “system” is an illusion, for life on this planet Earth is a ceaseless effort to adapt to its challenges and its changes. There is no fixed and immutable system except in the Hereafter.

You just can’t have heaven on earth.

Hey, remember that joke I posted about giving a man a fish and then giving a man a bible from a couple of posts ago?

Apparently, it wasn’t satire, enough.

Overall, though, fuck the goddamn anarchist for sale shtick. I mean, the one good thing anarchists have going for them is that they are, for the most part, empathetic people who try and stand up for the lowliest, most downtrodden fuckers and take stands against the most seemingly overpowering systems. They are often the front line in moving something from an intractable system to something that bigots find themselves clinging to as it slowly fades away. The beginnings of movements such as disability rights, worker’s rights, women’s rights, queer rights, all began often with anarchists being the only ones willing to speak up.

Remove all that and you just have the fundamental problem with the goals of anarchism. What to do after the revolution. If you shut it all down, what next?

And sadly, we know that answer all too well and we see it again with this form of totalitarianism minority rule trying to pose as anarchism. Shutting down the system because everybody didn’t let you get your way even though you lost in the hopes that enough “little” people will suffer, entrenching old broken hierarchies with underhanded tactics and attempts to spoil anything the minority could win. These are the painful lessons that train the next generation of snarky anarchist bastards who take no shit.

And if the Republicans want to rally to that A flag like it somehow makes them the real true rebels, then fuck them and their brand of “anarchism”.

I’ll be down in the pit rocking out to Laura Jane Grace.


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. The revolution was a lie! We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


Sep
30

For a few minutes or days you will be wearing a desk on your head




Posted at 20:31 by Provider_UNE

Hat tip to Lemiux @ LGM

Lakisha Briggs was a 34-year-old single mom living in the suburbs of Philadelphia in subsidized rental housing. Her boyfriend had attacked her repeatedly in her home, and the police had been called on several occasions to intervene—10 times in the first five months of 2012 alone, according to her legal filings. But because an ordinance in Norristown, Pa., says that a tenant who makes three 911 calls within four months can be evicted and that tenant’s landlord could have his or her rental license suspended.

Blink, blink, blink, blink……………………….In what fucking world is it a crime to call the police in an emergency (Bob forgive one should suffer more than one a month), and what could be the motivation to threaten unrelated parties with a potential lack of income. What fashion of Authoritarian Asshattery might imagine that the following would pass Constitutional muster:

But because an ordinance in Norristown, Pa., says that a tenant who makes three 911 calls within four months can be evicted and that tenant’s landlord could have his or her rental license suspended.

If you wrapped a coil of wire around my head and stuffed a bunch of magnets in my mouth, I could charge at least a dozen cell phones right now.

(Me thinks it time to gather some demographic information on the states of things in Norristown…Initial information places it as a Northern suburb or Borough of Philadelphia and a cursory glance at the city website would suggest that it is a white friendly paradise (not that there is anything particularly worng with that, wrong probably, but not worng) however, the latest census states that the breakdown is 40% white, 35% black and that between 1970 and 1990 the city lost nearly 8 thousand residents (the latter fact might be attributed to white flight if I were a betting man.)

Briggs did not call the police on the night of June 23, 2012, when the same boyfriend hit her in the head with a glass ashtray then stabbed her in the neck with a piece of broken glass. The police had already warned her that she was on her third strike after their last visit. So she didn’t make the call and—just before she passed out—Briggs begged a neighbor not to do so on her behalf.

The neighbor did call the cops, and Briggs was airlifted to a nearby trauma center. The boyfriend went to prison for the assault. Then police served Briggs’ landlord with a notice that said if she and her 3-year-old weren’t evicted within 10 days, he’d lose his rental license. [emphasis mine] Meet the new face of disorderly conduct.

Blink, blink, blink…Mind blown…Blink, blink, blink…There are days, (9 out of ten) when if offered by a Genie three wishes, they would be predicated on making the world a better place. Then there are days like today, which when faced with something that confounds my inner cynic in such a way that I might be inclined to wish that the world be cleansed of humanity as to make room for whatever sentience might follow in the fullness of time.

The ordinance in question:

Norristown Municipal Code § 245-3 states that landlords are responsible for “disorderly behavior” by tenants currently in their rental units, as well as tenants’ family members and guests. Under the ordinance, disorderly behavior includes “domestic disturbances that do not require that a mandatory arrest be made.”

Blink, blink, blink…ad infinitum…

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