Shorter Michelle Malkin: Government-backed union thugs with their tactically violent hate criming respond only to a show of force.
Shorter Tony Blankley: I have begun to grow, urp, concerned about the president’s exit plan from Afghanistan, or his, oof, lack thereof.
Shorter Austin Bay: Surfing the Internet is like riding the wave of the future!
Shorter Walter Williams: [...]
Shorter Dennis Prager: If elected, a President Barack Obama would peel away decades of conservative policies, when all voters wanted was to elect a black dude.
Shorter David Limbaugh: Leftist partisans, who for years slandered Bush as “a reckless cowboy” and a “moron,” have engineered the likely presidential election of an anti-American radical who might also [...]
Shorter Ben Shapiro: MTV manufactures its own market of porn-loving sluts.
Shorter Cal Thomas: Of course bipartisanship is date rape, so instead of us ‘reaching across the aisle’ to them, I think they owe us a reach-around.
Shorter Austin Bay: Turns out it’s actually better that we didn’t kill or capture Osama bin Laden.
Shorter John Stossel: Pharoah [...]
I’m scared to go out at night, it’s not safe on the streets. And it’s hard to disagree in today’s society, you can’t trust anyone you meet.
Shorter Thomas Sowell: Whither Obama: Too black? Too strong? Or is he, as some critics have persuasively argued, neither?
Shorter Dick Morris and Eileen McGann: Obama should tell voters that [...]
Shorter Kevin McCullough: I’m not saying he’s a queer or nothin’, but I bet Barack Obama thinks unicorns kick ass.
Shorter Janice Shaw Crouse: Get it straight, United Nations: teenage mothers — especially the married ones — in the Third World don’t need your advice, or your contraceptives.
Shorter Doug Giles: The fact of the matter is, [...]
Shorter Bill O’Reilly: While virtuous rightwingers justly denounced Michelle Obama, hateful leftwing internet haters left hateful comments at the HuffPost about poor lil ol’ Nancy Reagan.
Shorter John Andrews: Hahaha, Obama’s surge has had the effect of cutting the Clintons down to the level of that hick Mike Huckabee, and I bet that really ticks them [...]
Shorter Phyllis Schlafly: Only commies and traitors could disagree with some guy’s research vindicating Joe McCarthy.
Shorter Doug Wilson: The fact of the matter is, freedom will die if President Bush’s tax cuts are allowed to expire.
Shorter Star Parker: Upon closer analysis, Fred Thompson’s campaign failed because he just wasn’t conservative enough.
Shorter Matthew Ladner: We’d [...]
We haven’t done one of these in a couple months…
Shorter Rich Galen: You can’t trust the Pee-Pee.
Shorter John McCaslin: Excelsior! Trent Lott bases his governing philosophy on the outlook of a town that most Americans have never heard of. [rimshot] 23 Skidoo!
Shorter Mary Grabar: Only filthy communists like Jane Fonda think that [...]
Shorter Mary Katharine Ham: It was nice to see someone ask Hillary Clinton some tough questions regarding her Presidential records.
Shorter Amanda Carpenter: Americans dread another eight years of Hillary Clinton as president.
Shorter Michael Medved: Principles and democratic ideals have no place in politics, where winning is everything.
Shorter Allison Kasic: Lady science professors??? What’ll they think [...]
Because Two-Minute Townhall is now shunned by society.
Mike S. Adams: Good news, everyone: Sex is really bad for you.
Star Parker: Good news, everyone: I’m in love with Fred Thompson.
Robert Novak: Good news, everyone: Pakistan may be on the verge of joining us in our war on terror.
Suzanne Fields: Good news, everyone: Marriage [...]
And in the 70s there were Osmonds, lots of little Osmonds. Lots and lots of Osmonds everywhere.
Shorter Michelle Malkin: Colleges should teach students to defend their beliefs. As in, physically.
Shorter Ben Shapiro: The fact that Jackie Robinson suffered institutional racism in silence while the Rutgers women’s basketball team seemed to revel in the insulting comments [...]
Kevin Drum writes:
THE LORD’S WORK?….You know, I sort of admire the way Matt Yglesias continues to take on Charles Krauthammer and Brad DeLong continues to take on Donald Luskin — though I think Brad may have cried uncle on the Luskin thing a while back — but at some point you have to wonder if [...]
Got a head for figures, no time for bickerers (or so he says), prefers the company of a woman.
Shorter Michael Medved: It would appear that this Scripture verse justifies giving the poor nothing, and instructs them to like it.
Shorter Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: PBS says a film I helped produce about the vile Muslim threat [...]
Are you ready? Here we go: Slow, Slow, Quick-Quick-Slow…
Michael Medved — The Core Of Conservatism: Distinctions And Consequences
So maybe conservatism has no guiding principles. That’s because we reject moral relativism.
Michelle Malkin — All the News That’s Fit to Pay For?
The New York Times has a mote in its eye.
Mike S. Adams — [...]
I’m afraid Two-Minute Townhall will remain on hiatus for at least another week, as I’m in Minnesota training for my new job. I hope to return to my regular schedule in another week or so.
I’m gonna pop-pop Santa Claus with my water pistol gun (squirt-squirt). And then I’ll take his bags of toys and run, and bring to all the kids who don’t have none.
Shorter Michael Medved: It is truly a conservative triumph that the most popular song these days on college campuses is “I Wanna Be Rich.”
Shorter Michael [...]
There was a beautiful land called Fuh, and in this land there was a king. And everybody called him the Fuh King.
Shorter Michael Medved: Jews and Christians alike can celebrate Hanukah as a reminder of the importance of maintaining religious purity.
Shorter Rich Galen: I’d like to return Tom DeLay to the manufacturer, because he’s damaged [...]
Her head spinnin’ and my head spinnin’, mine from juice and gin and hers from neck and Chenin.
Shorter Michael Medved: Advocates for gay marriage say it would encourage homosexuals to be monogamous, but why hasn’t it worked for heterosexuals? Wait – that’s not what I meant! Homosexuals think they’re better than you!
Shorter Roger Schlesinger: Quit [...]
Words over here, words out there, in the air and everywhere. Words of wisdom, words of strife, words that write the book I like.
Shorter Michael Medved: Hey, I have an idea! Perhaps conservatives should address growing middle class anxieties.
Shorter Kathleen Parker: Frivolous lawsuits are symptomatic of a bankrupt society, and they are also what makes [...]
The check’s in the mail and I’ll see you in church and don’tcha ever change.
Shorter Michael Medved: Secular gays are truly the most intolerant of all. For example, recent remarks by Sir Elton John…
Shorter John Boehner: To regain our majority in 2008, House Republicans need to get back to our core conservative principles, as our [...]
