Nov
29
Posted at 20:41 by Tintin
ABOVE: Scott Mayer, Jared Loughner (left or right? You decide)
Scott Mayer, The American Genius:
Hollywood Hypocrisy in the Hypokrisis Industry
No one in Hollywood can complain about income inequality until someone makes a movie where JFK is played by a Negro.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
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Nov
28
Posted at 21:54 by Tintin
ABOVE: Dan “Baby J-Dough Loadberg” Foster
I haven’t engaged in my trademark “looks-ist” disparagement for quite a while but, honestly, this from Dan Foster at America’s Shittiest Website™ is just impossible to resist:
[L]adies, if I haven’t responded to your fifteenth eHarmony message, I’m probably not going to respond at all. There are only so many days in the week.
The notion that anyone, much less a “lady” with “lady” parts, would be importuning Dan with a barrage of desperate emails pleading for the opportunity to meet up is only slightly less credible than were I to claim that I had flat out refused a booty call from Chord Overstreet.
Hey, Danno, here’s a polite suggestion. If there is a one woman in the world, and that includes K-Lo or even J-Dough Loadberg in a dress, that expresses even faint interest in connecting with you, please understand that this may be your only opportunity to couple with something other than the crusty gym sock that you have been, er, filling behind the furnace in the basement while your parents are asleep upstairs. Or to translate this into the wingnut dialect of Freemarket-ese that you might understand: “Beggars Can’t Be Choosers.” Or to put it in plain English: “Dude, look in a mirror.”
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Nov
26
Posted at 18:07 by Tintin
ABOVE: The Don Jim Bob Surber Reading Room
Shorter Don Jim Bob Surber, Charlztun Dailey Male:
Chevy Volt Recall?
- If Thomas Edison was unable to build an electric car, then no one can.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
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Nov
23
Posted at 23:23 by Tintin
Shorter Gary “NOT Gay” McCaleb, The American Genius:
For the Human Rights Campaign, Diversity Is Not Enough
Silly faggots. They need to learn that “diversity” means tolerating people who don’t tolerate faggots.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
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Nov
21
Posted at 16:45 by Tintin
Shorter Pammicakes “Tits Boom Bah!” Geller, The American Genius
Happy Halal Thanksgiving
Eating a Butterball turkey this Thanksgiving will turn you into a filthy Muslim.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
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Nov
17
Posted at 22:10 by Tintin
ABOVE: Michael “Eyebrows” Walsh
Shorter Michael Walsh, America’s Shittiest Website™
The Shape of Things to Comes
- Recall elections are undemocratic because, er, because, er, Brezhnev, so shutup, that’s why.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
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Nov
16
Posted at 20:00 by Tintin
ABOVE: John Mackey, CEO, Whole Foods Market
Shorter John Mackey, White Street Journal*
To Increase Jobs, Increase Economic Freedom
Speaking completely objectively and non-partisanly, the only way to keep our economy from going down the crapper is for the federal government to give me a big tax cut.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
*To avoid the WSJ paywall, click here to go to a Google search page with a link to the article.
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Nov
14
Posted at 20:43 by Tintin
ABOVE: Bryan Fischer
Shorter Bryan Fischer, Ruhnoo Murika:
A homosexual pedophile who deserves the death penalty/a>
- The press coverage of Joe Paterno is a nefarious plot by the media to distract people from the real truth, namely, that most homos are child molesters* and should be executed.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
*Sadly, No!
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Nov
10
Posted at 8:15 by Tintin
Shorter Lauri B. Regan, The American Genius:
Female Intuition, Sexual Harassment, and Herman Cain
How on earth could that stupid bitch imagine that she could just ask Herman Cain to help her find a job without him reasonably expecting a blow job in return?
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
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Nov
6
Posted at 16:26 by Tintin
Shorter Gateway Dumbshit
More Buffoonery … Obama Insults Sarkozy on the Birth of His Daughter (Video)
Insulting the French is de rigueur except when the Communist Negro in the White House does it.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
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Nov
5
Posted at 15:03 by Tintin
ABOVE: Robert Stacy McCain
Shorter Robert Stacy McCain, The White Supremacist McCain:
#OWS Protesters Attempt to Storm AFP Defending the American Dream Summit
- “It’s stuff like this that makes you nostalgic for the Good Old Days of real police brutality.”
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
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Nov
3
Posted at 20:46 by Tintin
ABOVE, David Harsanyi, JD, LLM (Swampitucky School of Law, ’81, ’84)
Shorter David Harsanyi, Real “Clear” Politics
You Want More Equality? Support More Capitalism
- Who cares about income inequality? What we should care about is making sure that the rich gain back the income that they lost during this recession, because if the rich get richer, the poor will get richer too.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
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