The fire set at the Portland mosque attended by the wannabe bomber may have been set by a Muslim seeking to stoke fears of a Christian backlash. It certainly wasn’t done by a Christian terrorist because there are no Christian terrorists. To be a Christian terrorist the terrorist must recite the Lord’s Prayer while engaging in the terrorist act. And who ever heard of that?
The new airport scanners are a leftist plot to sterilize straight white men so that there will be no one remaining in a generation to resist the left’s plot to impose Sharia law on America.
Given the proliferation of T’s and A voyeurism radiating throughout the USA where “good feelings” has been given a new, euphemistic connotation by Die Vereinigten Saaten (once known as “America the Beautiful…land of the free and home of the brave”), I thought it appropriate to submit this article which I wrote in 2005 [...] “(One) 25 year old waitress who turned down a job providing ‘sexual services’ at a brothel in Berlin faces possible cuts in her unemployment benefits under (the new law).
Secondly, the fact that one “remembers” never being anything else [besides the homo] only proves that one has limited memory. For example, I could say “I’ve always walked upon two legs because I have no memory of crawling.” Certainly I have not always walked. I just don’t remember when I didn’t.
It’s true that we don’t remember Frank writing anything other than total and utter nonsense but we’re still pretty damn sure he’s never written anything else.
The New York Times and the Guardian should be ashamed of themselves for leaking information that will allow our enemies to invade us, convert us, and take our women as their wives. This is particularly shameful because the cables reveal absolutely nothing that the entire world didn’t already know.
ABOVE: Jim Hoft guards snack aisle from Muslim bomb plot
Jim Hoft’s blog, the Gateway Dumbshit, recently disappeared mysteriously from First Things, the Roman Catholic site which once hosted it, and popped up minutes later at Kelsey Grammer’s Rightnutwork. Although no one peeped a word about Hoft’s sudden realignment, one can only speculate that Hoft was probably kicked under the bus by First Things for being too much of a whack-job even for them, which is saying a lot since First Things also provides an Internet home for a crazy woman who pretends to be nun.
Hoft’s excommunication, however, has thankfully not tempered his unstinting quest to whip up the bedwetters, as evidenced by this classic Hoft headline:
OFFICIALS FOIL BOMB PLOT AT CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTING CEREMONY- Somali Man Arrested
That headline tops a picture of smiling white Christians around a Christmas tree, followed immediately below by a picture of the dusky-hued perpetrator and a statement that the devilish Mooslim was eighteen minutes — EIGHTEEN MINUTES, I TELL YOU!! — from blowing up his car bomb and scattering innocent body parts all over Portland.
This predictably caused a frenzy of feces flinging by the howler monkeys that live in Hoft’s comment sections. The appropriately nymed “Male Silverback” sees this as a good reason to deport all Muslims. That’s nothing compared to the orthographically and grammatically challenged “Ginger” who writes, at least loosely speaking, this:
Watch the comings and goings at all mosque! I remember last year that it was reported that around 200 Somalia’s was seen crossing the Mexican boarder and they could not be found! It appears that the reason the boarders are NOT being protected is for this reason! We have a traitor among us! Are shall I say we have a whole lot of traitors among us! … The gutter stinch is getting stronger and stronger.Sounds like he is bringing his brown shirt muslim cousins over as fast as he can. He knows our soldiers WILL NOT follow his orders!
All you Sadlynauts can probably predict where we’re going here and what our Sadly, No! moment will be:
His arrest was part of a long-term undercover operation, during which Mohamud had been watched closely for months as his alleged bomb plot developed. The explosive device in the car was inert and the public was never in danger.
OMFG, we were eighteen minutes — EIGHTEEN MINUTES, I TELL YOU!!!! — from a Muslim trying to detonate a brick of Play-Doh.
It’s totes unfair for the lamestream media to CRUCIFY me over the North Korea ally business which was, you know, just a slip of the tongue. Of course, when Mr. you-know-who makes a mistake, nobody says a word. You know who else thinks the United States has 57 states? You betcha.
Now that I’m no longer a liberal, I can truly enjoy Thanksgiving for the first time because I don’t have to give a shit about whether other people are poor, hungry or lack health insurance.
Shorter Msgr. Ross Xavier Pius Douthat, S.J., O.P., O.F.M., S.S.J., Th.D+, The New York Fucking Times Pope-Ed Page Ireland’s Paradise Lost
Ireland’s economic woes are the direct result of the country’s abandonment of the Catholic Church which, in turned, caused people in the country to build big, gawdy houses that they couldn’t afford. Ireland’s only hope is to return to the days of perpetually pregnant, home-bound women and thatched-roof cottages.
ABOVE: Thomas Gainsborough, The Blue Ben (oil on canvas, cir. 1770)
Can there possibly be anything more rife with comic possibility than a Big Hollywood post by America’s Worst Unemployed Lawyer and Film Critic™ Ben Shapiro in which Ben, of all people, laments the disappearance of the manly men’s man from American culture. It’s rather like an article about grooming and hygiene tips written by Jonah Goldberg.
Ben begins his lament with his (rather revealing) epitome of the masculine ideal: the abdominally ripped, pectorally grandiloquent, protruberantly crotched Superman.
I am constantly bemused by the attempt to re-set Superman. The original comics are classic pieces of Americana. The original movie with Christopher Reeve was wonderful in almost every way – the first forty minutes of the original Superman is pure magic.
Pure magic? Ben, buddy, you don’t write an article extolling manliness and then let a purse fall out of your mouth just 40 words in. I mean, you might have well as said that the first forty minutes were “faaaaaabulous”
Superman is sincere in his masculinity. He doesn’t wax his chest.
Our movie stars are now metrosexual rather than men’s men. It’s been a long transition, a transition that began with the androgynous heroes of the 1970s – testosterone-free actors like Dustin Hoffman and Jack Nicholson became pop culture icons, replacing the Errol Flynns and the Marlon Brandos.
Apparently they don’t teach you in law school that Marlon Brando admitted to his fair share of sucking cock and that Flynn, well, if he could hold it down, he fucked it, irrespective of the gender of the naughty bits involved. Can it simply be coincidence that Ben picks these two as his personal icons of masculinity?
More people will still shell out bucks to see Harrison Ford (as long as he stops the metrosexual post-Calista Flockhart crap) and Sean Connery than they will to see Robert Pattinson sans fangs. It’s not because they’re old. It’s because they’re dudes. Men want to be them. Women want to be with them. They kick ass, take names, and don’t shave their chests.
There we go with the chest-shaving issue again. Okay, Ben, we get it. You like bears. Thanks for sharing. (I think.)
Note from our New York law firm: Sadly, No! is not liable for any self-inflicted trauma resulting from efforts by its readers to obliterate from their brain the image of Ben Shapiro making the two-backed beast with John Podhoretz or this. See our terms and conditions.
A recent poll shows that the most highly educated people voted for Democrats over Republicans in the mid-term elections. The only thing that this can possibly mean is that more educated voters are dumber than less educated voters.
ABOVE: Pat Caddell (left right) and Doug Schoen (further right)
Doug Schoen and Pat Caddell, two purported Democrats who haven’t voted for a Democrat since James Buchanan ran for President and who are mostly engaged these days as Fox News’s resident concern trolls (at least when Jane Hamsher isn’t available), have penned a WaPo op-ed calling for Obama to announce that he will not run again. The reason is because the Republicans in the House of Representative have vowed to work with Obama but only if he does exactly what they say and that therefore the only way to avoid this partisan gridlock is for Obama to declare himself a one-term President.
One earlier draft of the op-ed piece by these two schmoos called for Obama to commit ritual seppuku in the Oval Office. Another draft urged Obama to appoint Dick Cheney to replace Joe Biden as Vice-President and then immediately resign the presidency. Fred Hiatt said another good idea for the op-ed would be to urge Obama to call up Darrell Issa and agree to an impeachment resolution and, if necessary, provide whatever grounds the Republicans might think sufficient for impeachment, such as exposing himself to Megyn [sic] Kelly in the White House Rose Garden or inviting Khalid Sheihk Mohammed to spend a night in the Lincoln Bedroom.
Strangely, an Internet search to see if the duo urged George Bush to resign when the Democrats captured control of the 110th Congress yields no results.
Verily I say unto thee that it is better in the eyes of God the Merciful that a child should become morbidly obese from sugary sodas, Hostess Ding Dongs and Big Macs than that such child should ever hear the word fuck uttered on television.
In my last post, I mocked Dan Foster for threatening to resume smoking to annoy nanny-state liberals who wanted to put graphic warnings on cigarette packages. Not liking to talk behind anyone’s back, I tweeted Dan to let him know what I was up to and, well …
Because I didn’t mention Danno’s minty green shirt or his physique, this retort is a bit odd until you realize that Dan is employing the double-reverse fake-out strawman defense. “Since I’m wearing an ugly shirt, you must be mocking me for that even if you don’t say so, which means that your are a shallow liberal who has no other argument to make and that I am, by default, right.” This may well explain why the staff at NRO is so oddly dressed, particularly Jonah in his undersized, sweaty, food-stained shirts. Whatever you say, they have the instant retort: “You’re making fun of my silly clothes, because you don’t have anything else to say,” even if you aren’t and you do.
It probably would have been more fun to tweet back that I hadn’t previously noticed his butt ugly shirt but now that he mentioned the shirt, it seemed likely that the Palin family would ask for it back sooner or later and that he might want to revisit, in any event, the traditional wisdom about vertical stripes. But I decided to take the high road instead.
This prompts Dan the Lepre-con to deliver what can only be be called a coup de gras.*
Hopefully while K-Lo is begging for more money and higher wages during the latest semi-monthly begathon at America’s Shittiest Website™, they’ll keep Danno locked in a closet somewhere because it really is hard to justify giving any money to NRO if they pay Dan much more than bus fare too and from the NRO offices and, frankly, even that seems like overly lavish compensation given his limited talents.
*Since I expect Dan’s French literacy to be limited, this footnote is for him and explains that my use of “gras” above is a pun and not a misspelling of grâce.
The nanny-state liberals at HHS are proposing new and more graphic warning labels on cigarette packages. I’ll fix them. I’m going to start smoking again. That will really piss the liberals off.
Liberals who talk about engaging in armed revolt are no better than blood-soaked totalitarian dictators like Stalin and Mao. Conservatives who, like me, advocate the armed overthrow of the Obama regime, however, are merely exercising the rights given to them by the Founding Fathers in the event that the country ever adopted health care reform.
You should give us your money because we single-handedly got Marco Rubio elected. Also because while you are buying lavish and expensive Christmas gifts for your overprivileged kids, we will be slaving away for pennies an hour in unheated offices on Christmas Eve to bring you Jonah jokes and Star Trek references.
UPDATE: K-Lo announces gleefully that someone who only makes $11.33 per hour has sent them a $50 contribution. These people are indeed so craven that they will take a pork chop from the plate of a hungry child if it might help keep their unprofitable enterprise afloat. A commenter to that post wonders why NRO adopts a begathon, a socialist innovation of NPR, rather than a market solution such as a paywall. *Snicker*
