Shorter Ed Feulner: Scientists who question whether a missile defense system could plausibly work underestimate America’s can-do spirit!
Shorter Mike S. Adams: College students should be allowed to wear their racism as a symbol of their individuality and a belief in personal freedom.
Shorter Jacob Sullum: As a libertarian, I believe the invisible hand — not courts — should mete out slaps on the corporate wrist.
Shorter John Stossel: Utah voters have a chance to take back their public schools from the so-called experts (oh, I how I despise them…).
Shorter Walter Williams: Statistics show that America’s poor are 52 percent less wretched than in yesteryear.
Shorter Ben Shapiro: The handover this week of the eighth Iraqi province in four and a half years spells certain victory for our forces, their wily commander in chief and his worthy successor, Rudy Giuliani, and … and … ah, good ol’ sock. I’ll just put you back under the bed ’til next time.
Shorter Kathleen Parker: The Laura Bush headscarf episode makes me question whether some of my Townhall colleagues are more interested in diplomacy with Muslim countries or … something else.
Shorter Terence Jeffrey: Illegal immigrants become even scarier when you describe them as drug-dealing terrorists.
Shorter Jonah Goldberg: Half of the people can be part right all of the time, some of the people can be all right part of the time, but all of the people can’t be all right all of the time. I think Ronald Reagan said that. “I’ll let you have this handful of greasy candy corn if I can have your Little Debbie snack cakes.” I said that.
We think we know which Beth this is, but there are a lot of right-wing Beths running around these days, and each is liable to turn up at about a dozen overlapping blogs, with Beths commenting on posts by different Beths, and so forth.
This particular Beth, in any case, has found a new way to oppose the International Muslim Conspiracy — i.e., to assist America’s permanent and unchanging right-wing moron demographic in blasting irrational, pinheaded anger at everyone in the world except themselves, with the prime religious target, this time, being Muslims instead of Jews (or Catholics and The Vatican).
Well, it’s not exactly a new way, but Beth shows extra brio by skipping over the actual Koran and ‘exposing’ out-of-context passages from other Islamic religious texts. For instance, here’s the latest proof of the depravity of all Muslims, yanked OMG-style from a Sunni hadith, i.e. a collection of oral commentary considered uncanonical by Shi’a:
The Prophet said, “Khosrau will be ruined, and there will be no Khosrau after him, and Caesar will surely be ruined and there will be no Caesar after him, and you will spend their treasures in Allah’s Cause.” He called, “War is deceit’.
While we were in the Mosque, the Prophet came out and said, “Let us go to the Jews” We went out till we reached Bait-ul-Midras. He said to them, ”If you embrace Islam, you will be safe.You should know that the earth belongs to Allah and His Apostle, and I want to expel you from this land. So, if anyone amongst you owns some property, he is permitted to sell it, otherwise you should know that the Earth belongs to Allah and His Apostle.”
Tafsir
These are indeed bone-chilling statements, especially if you’re Khosrau (?) or a devout Jew in Arabia circa 630 AD. Of course, since 9/11 we’ve all become Khosrau (?) and/or a devout Jew in Arabia circa 630 AD, or something. Or perhaps we’re Caesar. But let’s just leave that one alone for the time being.
As with all known members of this particular interlocking axis of whoopingly-insane right-blogs (who are these people, and why are they taking up half the Internet?) there’s stunningly irrational stuff everywhere you look, such that it’s impossible to quote one thing over another without feeling like you’ve trod a diamond into the carpet. One strongly suspects, for instance, that the ‘email received from a Gold Star Mother’ referenced at the above link is actually one of those mysterious Snopes-style emails that arrive with 150K of quoted text saying “OMG U WONT BELEIVE THIS 1 FORWARD IT 2 EVERY1 U KNOW!!!” and with two hundred AOL and Wal-Mart Connect addresses in the cc bar. It certainly wouldn’t be unprecedented.
And yet, one good turn deserves another. It is perhaps time the world knew the truth about so-called Christians and their global conspiracy to dominate the world, et cetera, and for our first exposé of this spawning-religion of terror-criminals and criminal terrorists, we turn to the Infancy Gospel of Thomas, a work roughly contemporaneous with the Gospel of Luke that enjoyed great popularity in the Middle Ages, despite not making the cut for the actual Bible. Here we learn that the young Jesus was a child murderer:
Next, he was going through the village again and a running child bumped his shoulder. Becoming bitter, Jesus said to him, “You will not complete your journey.” Immediately, he fell down and died. Then, some of the people who had seen what had happened said, “Where has this child come from so that his every word is a completed deed?” And going to Joseph, the parents of the one who had died found fault with him. They said, “Because you have such a child, you are not allowed to live with us in the village, or at least teach him to bless and not curse. For our children are dead!”
Apocrypha
WTF?! Truly the essence of Christianity is here revealed, indicting all followers of this lunatic terror cult.
And taking his child aside, he warned him, saying, “Why are you doing these things? These people are suffering and they hate us and cause trouble for us.” Then, Jesus said, “I know that the words I speak are not mine. Nevertheless, I will be silent for your sake, but these people will bear their punishment.” And immediately his accusers became blind. When they saw what he had done, they were extremely afraid and did not know what to do. And they talked about him, saying, “Every word he speaks, good or evil, is an event and becomes a miracle.” When Joseph saw that Jesus had done this, however, he was outraged and took his ear and pulled it extremely hard. Then, the child became angry and said to him, “It is enough for you to seek and not find, but too much for you to act so unwisely. Do you not know that I am not yours? Do not trouble me.”
Apocrypha
Here we find a true accounting of the innate depravity of Jesus’s teachings, as Thomas exhorts his bloodthirsty followers to lash out at others from blind pique, indeed to embrace evil, and to accept no responsibility for their actions.
Oh, and there are lots more of these historical Christian texts as well, including some really gay ones, as in g-a-y. From them, much is indeed to be learned about this strange religion now so often in the news.
The counterterrorism expert Malcolm Nance wrote an informative, definitive and persuasive piece for Small Wars Journal titled Waterboarding Is Torture, Period, which nonetheless fails in that I shall keep on quibbling smugly over the definition of torture.
This was sent to me by a man who seemingly wants me to impale myself on the center field flagpole at Fenway Park. If I weren’t still drunk with joy that the Sox just won the World Series- or hell, if I weren’t still drunk period- this video might very well have driven me to such a grisly act.
Also, would some kind person please call the child abuse hotline and send them a link to this video? It’s all the evidence they need to prove that Pam is unfit to raise potted plants, let alone real live children.
UPDATE: Oh well, Clif beat me to it, yadda-yadda-yadda. This is what I get for not paying attention to anything related to politics for the last week.
Clif adds: A good thing bears repeating. If somebody who didn’t see the video in my post sees it in yours and, as a result, witnesses the ravages that can be inflicted by crystal meth, particularly on the children, then S,N! has done its job.
ABOVE: Would gladly wipe another country from the map
in exchange for a paid college speaking engagement
Sure, the World Series of baseball might be over, but this comment by Dennis Prager could probably outscore its opponent by 29-10 in a four-game sweep of the World Series of ridiculous comments:
It is considerably more difficult to get conservative speakers invited to most American universities — or for them to be able to speak without being harassed — than it is for a Holocaust-denying, genocide-advocating leader, such as Iran’s Ahmadinejad at Columbia University, to deliver a speech at an American university.
As usual, the essence of Prager’s complaint boils down to his belief that not enough people are paying courteous attention to him while he speaks. Perhaps he should undertake his own nuclear program or something. That always grabs my undivided attention.
George Santayana? Sure, whatever; I’m not too much into that Latin rock.* Now here’s my new idea with the Pvt. Beauchamp affair: Whatever that so-called ‘aim’ thing was about, I say we redouble our effort.
Over at WizWank, Kim Priestap thinks she has a gotcha on two silly lieberals from Democratic Underground:
A DUer and his brother waterboarded each other to prove that it is torture. The first time, he lasted 9 seconds and he said it was terrifying. But then he went back three more times to see if he could last longer and longer. In his fourth final go around he lasted 20 seconds. His brother lasted even longer.
Do we really need to explain to this guy that waterboarding isn’t torture if he kept voluntarily going back for more for the purpose of challenging himself. Lordy, what an idiot.
Do we really need to explain to Kim that when people are waterboarded they don’t get to decide when to stop?
That is why reading Kim Priestap, painful though it may be, isn’t torture.
ABOVE: The life he loves is makin’ music with his friends
On a recent drive across Nevada’s barren moonscape from Mesquite to Las Vegas, Mark Noonan lets his mind wander toward his two favorite subjects: Bible stories and topics on which he disagrees with college sophomores who smoke grass and pierce their noses:
We are, of course, endlessly reminded that we are to be good stewards of the environment - but what the environmentalists who harp upon this really mean is that we are to leave the environment alone as much as possible, unless what we are doing is restoring an environment to its pristine condition. That, my friends, isn’t being a good steward, but being a lazy servant.
Indeed, if a tree fell in a forest and no one could hear it, would it make anyone any money? Verily, no, I say unto you.
Whether one believes that we were created by God and given stewardship or that we were evolved randomly, the plain fact of the matter is that only humanity has the ability to intervene in the environment - to make it better, or worse or just leave it as is.
I’ll be generous here, in the interest of not listing every organism that exists from the lowliest honeybee to the mightiest kudzu vine, and presume that Noonan means that humanity is the only species which consciously makes an impact on its environment. (Less charitably, it’s entirely likely that Noonan simply believes decades worth of petroleum-industry-published pamphlets that imply that the environment is an animated rain forest found only in South America and some other faraway locales.)
It is that first part - making it better - that I believe we are failing in; we are not being good stewards, and we’re paying a price. We spent much time making it worse, we’ve now spent a lot of time trying to leave it alone, but what we have really failed to do is make it better.
ABOVE: One of the first images that turned up in a quick Google search for ‘Mesquite, NV’
I’ve spent a little bit of time in and around the brine-crusted, dried-up seabed that surrounds Las Vegas, where Noonan lives, and I suspect that unforgiving geography dotted with absurd, emerald-green golf oases is deeply relevant to his understanding of man’s relationship with nature.
If the environmentalists are right, then the best thing we can do for our yards is leave it alone - just let grow whatever happens to pop up and make no effort at controlling it. Would this really be better? To be sure, you might get a much larger number of individual plants growing in the yard, but would they be growing as best they possibly can? Of course not - we carefully plan what we want in the yard and then carefully nurture it to the best growth possible.
I’ll skip past the easily made comparison to some of Chance the Gardener’s monologues and focus on the likelihood that Noonan once drew a paycheck as a landscaper — a perfectly honorable profession, to be sure, but once again relevant to our discussion.
What I think we need to do is fight forcefully against the basic environmentalist concept that the environment has intinsic value beyond that assigned by humanity. Created or evolved, the only species in this world which can actually make use of it is us; without us, its just a bunch of stuff serving no great purpose.
What might have been an interesting (and no doubt entertaining) philosophical discussion on the relationship between humans and their environment, if not our appreciation for what we describe as nature, is turned into an opportunity to complain about the special rights enjoyed by endangered species and hippies who don’t cut their lawns. And since I’ve spent the previous half-dozen paragraphs pawning off hastily considered comparisons as droll observations, I’ll mention that, as of this writing, the comments to the original Blogs For Bush post have veered offroad into a discussion of ATVs and birdwatching.
This post, from Small Wars Journal, is causing quite a stir among right-wing bloggers. A complete and unequivocal rejection of torture by a US Navy combat veteran and intelligence expert who once supervised a program that taught American troops how to resist waterboarding, it naturally must be disputed by our domestic no-hopers who have bought fully into the idea that we have the right — nay, the obligation — to use the rack and screw. But it’s proving harder than usual; they can’t just call this guy a traitorous terror-loving commie snake like they would a civilian or a Democrat. After all, this is a military man, a front-line terror warrior, a FOX News expert, for goodness’ sake.
Still, they’re trying (very trying). Some, indeed, are trying harder than others. Take famed right-wing milblogger Uncle Jimbo at Blackfive, for example; in his latest post on the virtues of a police state, he has this to say:
ABOVE: Uncle Jimbo (right) and his best friend (left)
The activities of those operating on the dark side are undertaken in the dark for two reasons. First so no one can see what is happening, and second no one can see what is happening. The reason that character is so important in choosing a President is that the Commander in Chief powers are almost unchecked. If our national security depends on it the President can do pretty much whatever he deems necessary. This must be so and it we need to know our leader is capable of taking the often harsh actions needed to keep us safe. Anyone who advocates closing CIA’s rendition and “ghost” prisoner operations is too naive to serve as Commander in Chief even if they can get elected President.
Let’s recap that, for those of you who are slow readers: Uncle Jimbo is arguing here that anyone who does not advocate the use of torture and secret prisons should be disqualified from fulfilling the duties of the President.
Let’s recap it again, because probably a number of you have had your brains freeze up and may be in need of a quick jumpstart: what Uncle Jimbo is saying is that even if the American people were to elect someone who is, inexplicably, not in favor of torture and secret prisons, that someone should not be allowed to command our armed forces.
Let’s recap it one more time, because there is a slight possibility that it is insanely crazy and we might wish to put it in simple words so we can appreciate how crazy it is: The official position of Uncle Jimbo is that being an advocate of torture and secret prisons should be a requirement for being President.
President of America!
Gavin adds: Um, wait; I’m trying to puzzle this out. If someone not in favor of torture and secret prisons is elected President, but is perforce ‘unqualified’ to serve as Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces, then. . .um, what precisely are we talking about here?
Leonard responds: Well, Gavin, I’m not one to speak for the mentally ill fascist contingent, but perhaps what Uncle Jimbo is suggesting is that if we elect some insufficiently pro-torture weak sister, they should be allowed to be President and do, you know, presidential stuff, like lowering taxes and making sure homos can’t get married, but they shouldn’t be allowed to be Commander-in-Chief and boss around the military. That job, I assume, would fall to a more qualified imperator like…oh, I don’t know, what’s Bill Boykin up to these days?
Chuckles Johnson at LGF, now something of an icon of sanity in the kill-the-Muslims community, is testy at some more of his comrades who are deciding to embrace actual Nazism:
In the boneheaded move of the year, conservative student group Young Americans for Freedom invited British National Party (BNP) leader Nick Griffin, a flat-out racist and Holocaust denier, to speak about the dangers of Islam at Michigan State University: Protesters shout down anti-Islam speaker at MSU.
It’s not clear from the article whether this was part of Islamofascism Awareness Week or not, but if it was, the Young Americans for Freedom have just handed the enemy a huge gift on a platter, tied up with a lovely white supremacist bow.
It’s typical of Johnson that ‘handing the enemy a huge gift’ is the problem he’s most concerned about. In fact, a greater problem is that David Horowitz, the organizer of ‘Islamo-Fascism Awareness Week,’ once again has a lot of explaining to do. A press release went out on October 22nd adding a number of pre-existing speaking events to ‘Islamo-Fascism Awareness Week,’ and claiming joint sponsorship for the program between Horowitz and the Young America’s Foundation, an organization that books conservative speakers on college campuses. While this event wasn’t listed, the Young America’s Foundation, funnily enough, is the front office of the Young Americans For Freedom — a phony-nonpartisan 501(c)(3) organization that uses the Young Americans for Freedom as its activist, 501(c)(4) bête noir.
The Little Green Footballs blog decided to condemn MSU-YAF for hosting Nick Griffin. In case you do not read Little Green Footballs, the blog is pro-Muslim, left-wing, politically correct, and basically a front for neoconservative foreign policy (instead of defending their culture, they want to build schools in the Anbar province). They are basically a puppet of the multiculturalists and believe that Islam is not the enemy of Western civilization and Christendom. Only Bush-bots read the Little Green Footballs blog.
Instead of writing about threats to Western civilization, the LGF blog has recently attacked organizations who are fighting the culture war by doing more than just posting stuff on a blog that only like-minded people read.
Many of the comments on the LGF blog are critical of Pat Buchanan, Ron Paul, and paleoconservatism. If you are not a big government, globalist, middle-class-hating, promoter of economic treason, then LGF doesn’t like you.
LGF and Al Qaeda both have something in common: they hate Western civilization and those who stand up for it.
Wow. Just wow.
Because of course the biggest problem of all is, okay, pass the popcorn, but as has been noted, there’s not enough popcorn even on Popcornooine IV, third planet in the Popcornelgeuse System, primary supplier of popcorn to the Popcornhead Nebula quadrant of the Popcorn Way Galaxy….
ABOVE: Charles Johnson peers out anxiously from his front yard.
SNN NIGHTLY NEWS REPORT
Aired October 26, 2007 - 08:32 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
Clif: Good afternoon. This is Clif, reporting for SNN. We’re here at a Starbucks in in Los Angeles with Charles Johnson. Johnson has generously left his fortified bunker in an undisclosed location in the LA area to do an exclusive interview with us.
Thanks for agreeing to chat with us, Charles. Just a moment ago you ordered a mocha frappacino grande. Does it bother you to drink something with an Italian name given the failure of Italy to address the swarming-Muslim-horde issue in Florence and other Italian cities?
Charles: That’s Italian? Shit, I was positive it was Spanish.
Clif: Before we get to your well-publicized feud with Pamela Geller Oshry, I’d like to ask you about your career as a guitarist. Why did you give up that career to become a blogger?
Charles: 9/11, of course, changed everything. Afterwards, the fear that an Islamofascist would kidnap me, rape me and cut off my johnson was overwhelming. My hands were trembling all the time. Have you ever tried to play the guitar when you were pissing your jeans and your hands were trembling faster than Pammie’s personal vibrator?
Clif: Well, it seems that 9/11 has had the opposite effect on Pam. She has just launched her own music career with a music video entitled “My Sharia.” Let’s take a look:
(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
(END VIDEOTAPE)
Charles: I don’t know what’s worse, her singing or her blogging. I’d sooner listen to an imam chanting the Koran through his nose than listen to that again.
Clif: Perhaps you can explain to our viewers what happened between you and Pamela to cause your previously cordial relationship to break into a public cage match.
Charles: It started when Ms. Fancythong went gallivanting off to Europe to meet with a bunch of former Nazi collaborators about all those jihadis in Europe. Now she thinks that she knows more about sending these towel-headed Allah-worshiping camel-jockeys back to their dung heaps than I do.
Clif: Are you concerned that things might escalate beyond a blog war and a taunting music video war? After all, not too long ago, a salesman was shot dead at the car dealership owned by Pam and her husband. I should add that no charges have been brought in the shooting.
Charles: That doesn’t scare me one bit. Every day I am personally the target of the vast Islamofascist conspiracy that wants to silence me. Just by coming here, I’m risking my life. Every trip to the In-N-Out Burger could be my last.
Clif: Last week, in what appeared to be an effort at rapprochement, Pam apologized for calling you a tool of the Council on American-Islamic Relations. She did, however, stick by her position that you are an idiot.
Charles: What she says bounces off me and sticks to her.
Clif: Are you going to redirect her links to LGF to your “You Are A Idiot” page, the way you do to links from Sadly, No!?
