Dec
31
31
Sunday Nu Year’s Eve Football Thread
Quick sports thread below el fold-o:
Dec
31
31
Surrender
So I stupidly assumed that because Atrios gave up so quickly in our last skirmish that he’d be a pushover this time. I was wrong. Drastically, horribly wrong. The musical stylings of Rick Wakeman were so appalling that they broke our damn website, and we haven’t been able to recover since.
So you win this round, Atrios. When next we meet, I shall make sure not to underestimate your strength.
And now, here is my official surrender anthem, sung by a Japanese Cheap Trick cover band:
Dec
30
30
ARRRRRRGH!!!! WE’VE TAKEN A DIRECT HIT!!!!
WOOP, WOOP, WOOP! ALERT, ALERT! Atrios is in our base! And he is positively slaughtering our d00dz!
There is only one weapon that can save us now. It may destroy the entire world in the process, but I’d rather die than surrender to Mr.-I’m-Too-Kewl-to-Name-Bradrocket-Wanker-of-the-Day!
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you a scene from Jekyll and Hyde: The Musical… starring David Hasselhoff!!!!!
UPDATE: Gentlewoman doesn’t think I have the stones to see this war through to its bitter end.
Hey Gentlewoman, let me introduce you to a friend of mine… named Bibleman!
Dec
30
30
YouTube War III
Just in time for New Year’s, here comes YouTube War III. For those of you rolling your eyes at the thought of watching still more shitty music videos (you know who you are), let me remind you that Atrios started it, it’s all his fault, and I therefore bear no responsibility for anything I do. I’m very mature like that.
To start off, here’s four minutes of Scott Stapp sitting in a boat, trying desperately to take a dump:
Next up, we have a feisty anti-separation-of-church-and-state country ballad defiantly called “In God We Still Trust”:
Dec
30
30
Saddam Dead
Welp, Saddam is dead, and I’m not sorry to see him go. I am sorry, however, that his death came at the expense of 3,000 Americans (and counting) and hundreds of thousands of Iraqis (and counting). But whatev, it’s party party party time, and the warbloggers have giant boners. Let the circle-jerk commence.
UPDATE: Teh Josh:
This whole endeavor, from the very start, has been about taking tawdry, cheap acts and dressing them up in a papier-mache grandeur — phony victory celebrations, ersatz democratization, reconstruction headed up by toadies, con artists and grifters. And this is no different. Hanging Saddam is easy. It’s a job, for once, that these folks can actually see through to completion. So this execution, ironically and pathetically, becomes a stand-in for the failures, incompetence and general betrayal of country on every other front that President Bush has brought us. […]
The Iraq War has been many things, but for its prime promoters and cheerleaders and now-dwindling body of defenders, the war and all its ideological and literary trappings have always been an exercise in moral-historical dress-up for a crew of folks whose times aren’t grand enough to live up to their own self-regard and whose imaginations are great enough to make up the difference. This is just more play-acting.
Can I get a “heh-heh?” Can I get an “in-DOO-DOO?”
UPDATE THE SECOND: I see our pal Atrios is asking for a special New Year’s beating. You may remember what happened the last time he challenged our powers. This time shall be no different. An attack is in the works, mark my words.
UPDATE THE THIRD: Roy Edroso is in Rob Dreher’s base killing his d00dz. Plus, S.Z. is Marie Jon’’s new BFF. Lucky. Her.
Dec
29
29
A Quintessence Of Limbuggery
David “The Other Limbaugh” Limbaugh writes that since Democrats were right about Iraq after all, it means they were actually kind of negative-wrong, which is sort of like being wrong in two directions at once, so therefore the Republicans were right, and we must attack Iran.
This is one of the weirdest arguments I’ve ever seen, and that’s saying something. It’s like Limbaugh’s fax machine spat out the weekly directive, ‘Help push attack on Iran!’ and when he was done citing the usual false charges and scare items (nukes, madman, evil, Hitler, imminent threat, etc), he sighed and was overcome by that weary self-insight that both he and his brother seem, sometimes, to be freighted with.
No really, they do. Consider this passage from a David Limbaugh column of February, 2003:
Some have suggested the conservatives’ hawkishness toward Saddam Hussein can be traced to their search, since the end of the Cold War, for new bogeymen to replace the Soviet Communists as the focus of their aggressive propensities. They’re wrong.
If you change one word at the end (to They’re “right,” or “smart,” or “teh roxxor”), you have a cogent and factual statement of rare directness that would’ve been difficult to arrive at by accident. (The preceding link features Francis Fukuyama making that very admission about the Cold War and bogeymen.) In truth, American conservatism is unable to exist without a constant parade of threats and enemies, without claiming a perpetual state of siege in which America is at all times imperiled by a uniquely evil and powerful adversary.
Limbaugh might be a professional barnyard rube, but like any other well-connected conservative, he knows the hollowness and ideological panic that took hold following the collapse of Soviet communism, the longing for a “new Pearl Harbor,” and the consummate rise of neoconservatism as the dominant force in American foreign policy.
The late-period Saddam Hussein was just a more ridiculous threat than most, and required an extra degree of bosh and flim-flammery, especially from pundits like the Limbaughs. But watch now with sympathy as David tries valiantly to blame the failure in Iraq on unspecified ‘Democrats,’ and seemingly fails to convince even himself. This represents a watermark in middle-lowbrow Republican opinion, circa late 2006 — it’s the best (as in, objectively the worst) that a true huckster like Limbaugh can come up with at this historical moment, even with the wider-than-average latitude that he enjoys for manipulating his readership.
Dec
29
29
Howard Roarke On Steroids
You know Al Jaffee’s back-of-the-book ‘fold-ins’ for Mad Magazine? Well, if he ever was to do one that asked “Who is the looniest loon in the Wingnutosphere?�, when you folded the page to connect the little ‘A’s’ to the little ‘B’s’, the face starting back at you would most assuredly be that of Pamela Oshry.
Gavin adds: Oh, we have one of those.
Dec
29
29
A Long Time Coming
Leo Pusateri at Blogs For Bush has a lot to say about 9/11, as is the case with so many right-wing pundits.
And Cultural sensitivity? How about some cultural sensitivity for Americans who lost nearly 3,000 of their loved ones early one morning on 11 September, 2001? Why should “cultural sensitivity” for your “feelings” take precedence over the current and future safety of our citizens? Sorry. You can take your “cultural sensitivity” and stick it where the sun don’t shine.
Shut up. At long last, shut up. Shut the fuck up. Stop walking into rooms braying your opinions in a talk-radio cadence with your bare face hanging out, when you were sitting in a comfy chair 2,000 miles away on 9/11, cramming your mouth with Cheetos as your penis got guiltily hard. Stop fouling the airspace with your santimonious chatter, from 2,000 miles away in your comfy-chair. I mean you, Leo Pusateri, and all of you right-bloggers who talk and talk and don’t shut up. You stink to posterity. Shut up. Shut up for your own sake. Shut up for everyone’s sake.
It mortifies me to mention Wayne Russo, so I don’t. They found Wayne’s body months after 9/11, dumped in Fresh Kills landfill with a jumble of debris from the World Trade Center. By which I mean they found part of his body.
I won’t sleep tonight because I posted this. Mentioning Wayne’s name makes me feel like I’m hijacking the grief his family is entitled to. It makes me feel small and bad. His death hurts, as it were, with confounding pain, pain turned against itself and fractal.
Leo Pusateri, and the ripe fields of Leo Pusateris — America’s lush harvest of the comfortable and the arrogant, of the anti-American, santimonious right, blabbing and eternally blabbing their opinions while risking nothing, always with someone weaker in their sights: How dare you? How dare you? How do you continue to boldfacedly, chirpily talk as you do? How do you live?
What is wrong with us that makes you possible?
I don’t know what to say, again. But the Leo Pusateris somehow always know what they’re going to say.
[headdesk]
Dec
28
28
Today In Sociopathy
All quotes guaranteed collected in the same relaxed 15-minute period.
Dan Riehl: Blar-har-har stupid dolphins dead hee hee, renewable energy sux ha-ha, blame the left:
And I Thought It Was The Tuna Nets?
Okay, different waters and a different dolphin, but I still blame the Left. I’m adopting a new policy to combat the Blame America First types. It’s called Blame the Anti-American Left First! And they have dolphin blood on their hands.
It’s always the renewable energy that gets you in end. The only plus is that, what with global warming, the suckers would have been fish sticks eventually, anyway.
Little Green Footballs: Blar-har-har 3,000 stupid dead troops chuckle snork. Bwahaha blame the left:
AP’s Handy Dandy Pocket Casualty Calculator
Painfully on-target: The New Pocket Casualty Counter From The Associated Press!
Are you freakishly obsessed with the daily casualty count in Iraq? Do you find yourself disappointed when a day or two goes by and no American soldiers die? Have you ever been at a cocktail party and said, “How can we be so damn jovial when George Bush is responsible for a death toll in Iraq that is approaching one-tenth the total of British dead in the Second Boer War?�
Blogs For Bush: Ha ha fuck you Muslims, 9-11! 9-11! 3,000 dead equals teh worst event in teh history of teh world! (I watched it all on TV in Minnesota):
Get ready for some more grandstanding…
By Leo Pusateri at 10:58 AM[…]
As I have said again and again, if you, as a Muslim, want the American people to stop eyeing you with suspicion, then you and your brethren will need to do something about those who use Islam as an excuse for perpetrating mass murder. It would also help if you quit acting like terrorists when you board an airliner. Don’t ask for special treatment. Be part of the solution instead of being part of the problem. You want us to view you as just another American? Then start acting like someone who’s actually on the team.
And Cultural sensitivity? How about some cultural sensitivity for Americans who lost nearly 3,000 of their loved ones early one morning on 11 September, 2001? Why should “cultural sensitivity” for your “feelings” take precedence over the current and future safety of our citizens? Sorry. You can take your “cultural sensitivity” and stick it where the sun don’t shine.
Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler: Howl (gargle-gargle)! Howl (gargle-gargle)! Wheee! Ha-ha! Kill!
No, Fuckheads, I Haven’t Forgotten Mogadishu
by Emperor Misha I
[…]NAIROBI, Kenya, Dec. 27 — Ethiopian-backed forces continued to beat back Islamist fighters in Somalia today, advancing to within 15 miles of Mogadishu, Somalia’s capital,
Splendid! And when you get there, please feel free to level the entire piss hole of a “city�, then cover it in gasoline and set it on fire. And don’t bother being too meticulous about killing the inhabitants first. Let them crackle, hiss and sizzle while the rest of us laugh ourselves silly.
…as diplomatic pressure increased for the Ethiopians to pull out.
As is always the case whenever the followers of Mohammed the Pedophile are getting butchered. I’d suggest strapping the diplomats to the outside of your tanks, then finding a nearby building to run over. Or, better still, strap them to the exhaust grill. Nothing smells quite as wonderful as a set of striped pants on fire while the worthless bag of skin inside screams himself to death.
I wish there were several of me, so that I could keep up with it all.
Dec
28
28
Q: What Would Jesus Do?
A: He’d KILL, KILL, KILL!!!
It’s been a while since WorldNetDaily has featured a book as hilarious as this one:
Just check out the summary:
What would you do if armed terrorists burst into your church during a worship service and started attacking your friends and family with automatic weapons?
First, I’d grab the woman with the largest breasts and pull her to my side. Then I’d rip off my shirt and pull out a pair of poison-tipped, laser-guided katana blade rocket-launchers. And then I’d be like, “HEY!!! TERRORISTS!!!! YOU THINK YOU CAN MESS WITH BRADROCKET’S CHOP-SOCKY??!!! KEEEEEEE-AAAAAAAAAAAWWW!!! BLAM, BLAM!!!!”
And that’s what I’d do.
Dec
28
28
Working On Other Things, But…
‘About’ page updated with a photo of Retardo (and an old one of me), etc. Just sayin’.
Dec
27
27
ARRRRRRRRGH, LOSER!!!
Want to barf? Read David Ignatius today:
Watching President Bush in recent weeks has become a grim kind of reality TV show. In almost every news conference, speech and photo opportunity, the topic is the same: what to do about the grinding war in Iraq. Bush has let the facade crack open — admitting that his strategy for victory isn’t working — but then he struggles to rebuild it with new words of confidence.
The stress of the job — so well hidden for much of the past six years — has begun to show on Bush’s face. He often looks burdened, distracted, haunted by a question that has no good answer. When a photographer captures him at ease, as in a sweet Texas-romance picture of Bush and his wife, Laura, that appeared in People magazine last week, it’s as if he has escaped the Iraq sweatbox.
Oh the poor, poor dear. He has it so rough. Those Americans who are actually stuck in the Iraq sweatbox- not to mention the 2,970 who have died there and the 22,235 who have been wounded there- have it easy by comparison.
I grew up in a Washington that was struggling with the nightmare of a failing war in Vietnam. The government officials of that time were people who behaved as if they’d never known failure in their lives. They had the rosy confidence of the chosen — “the best and the brightest,” as David Halberstam put it. But then the war began to grind them down. I see that same meat grinder at work now. Bush and his officials are strong characters; they work hard not to let you see them sweat. But the anguish and exhaustion are there.
One would hope so. Thousands of people have died needlessly because of their stupid decisions. Feeling anguished about such a thing is the bare minimum requirement for qualifying as a human being. And frankly, I don’t think they even meet that meager standard.
Dec
27
27
Inter Olio
There are other things going on here, but in the terregnum (in-teralia), one thing I’ve been fascinated with for a long time is the phenom of left-wing skinhead bands in Britain in the early ’80s (when the National Front was most prominent).
Here’s one:
Above: [Fraa-fraa, frenna-frenna, see update]
Tell me if this works okay. I’m not sure how best to embed MP3s into tha shack.
Update: Oh fuck it. Ruination. We could do this easily before the Wordpress platform switch, but I’m playing with Flash interfaces and nonsense like that (I hate Flash), and losing. So until I figure this out, here’s a record I did when I was 16. (Frah. Dum.)
Everyone’s favorite guy, Brad, will be along soon to no doubt make the traffic surge as usual. (Grf. Fnag.)
Dec
27
27
Good News
British Soldiers Storm Iraqi Jail, Citing Torture
BAGHDAD, Dec. 25 — Hundreds of British and Iraqi soldiers assaulted a police station in the southern city of Basra on Monday, killing seven gunmen, rescuing 127 prisoners from what the British said was almost certain execution and ultimately reducing the facility to rubble.
The military action was one of the most significant undertaken by British troops since the 2003 invasion, British officials said, adding that it was an essential step in any plan to re-establish security in Basra.
When the combined British and Iraqi force of 1,400 troops gained control of the station, it found the prisoners being held in conditions that a British military spokesman, Maj. Charlie Burbridge, described as “appalling.� More than 100 men were crowded into a single cell, 30 feet by 40 feet, he said, with two open toilets, two sinks and just a few blankets spread over the concrete floor.
A significant number showed signs of torture. Some had crushed hands and feet, Major Burbridge said, while others had cigarette and electrical burns and a significant number had gunshot wounds to their legs and knees.
The fetid dungeon was another example of abuses by the Iraqi security forces. The discovery highlighted the continuing struggle to combat the infiltration of the police and army by militias and criminal elements — even in a Shiite city like Basra, where there has been no sectarian violence.
We also hope that this marks the beginning of the end of a certain pernicious media euphemism.
Update: Or this more pernicious one, frequently heard on NPR, among other places.
Dec
27
27
Lordy Lord Do I Hate Chris Matthews
Did anyone see Chris Matthews’ interview with John and Elizabeth Edwards a couple weeks back? I’m watching it right now and it’s by far the most embarrassing and juvenile performance I have ever seen from a major pundit:
Later on, Matthews asks Mrs. Edwards if John has ever given her “any problems” like Bill gave Hillary.
Way to go, Tweety. I’d suggest that we let John Edwards grill your wife about your sex life, but frankly, no one wants to think about you having sex. Ever.
UPDATE: My Gods, Michelle Malkin is hosting the O’Reilly Factor tonight. This is the most awful and horrifying thing I’ve ever seen. Malkin just asked her guest why Hillary Clinton is polling behind Tom Vilsack among Democrats in Iowa. Her guest replied that it might, just might, have something to do with the fact that Vilsack is governor of Iowa. E. Gad. Stupidest woman alive.
