Oct
31
31
More Halloween Fun
S.Z. explains how trick-or-treating is really part of Satan’s master plot to take sole possession of your kids’ groins. Read the whole thing.
Gavin adds:
Oct
31
31
Drinkin’ Liberally: Halloween Edition
I’ll be at Drinking Liberally in Cambridge tonight. Make sure you come- you’ll get to see my awesome Halloween outfit!!!
Oct
31
31
Swanky Halloween!
I can’t think of a better way to spend Halloween than by reading lots of columns from America’s scariest minister, Pastor Joseph Grant Swank, Jr. Let’s get things started, eh?
Above: Creak, rumble, Aieee! pipe organ, coyotes, rattle-rattle Mua-ha-ha,
thunder “Have some Necco wafers, kids!” boo, slide whistle, eek.
Column #1: HARLOTS HOVER OVER NEW ORLEANS:
There are not enough beds in jails to stash the streetwalkers. Many are released by cops back on the streets within minutes. Recycling?
That last bit is almost a haiku. Let’s just cut out a syllable to make it work:
Many are released
By cops back on the streets with-
In days. Recycling?
Swank-tacular!
Hooking is a spiked business in the city-that-should-never-be-built-again-there. It’s now open season for prostitutes and more flooding. Waters will rush again into the bowl, only to spell havoc repeat. Levees won’t hold. Remember I said it first. However, those into silly nostalgia and political word games promise a resurrection of the mansions and art and culture and all that sort of fluffy stuff.
Describing culture and art as “all the sort of fluffy stuff” is certainly something I’ve never heard before. But hey, what can you expect from an elitist snob like Swank who regularly watches such high-quality entertainment as Oprah?
Oct
31
31
The Projectionists (Mildly Updated)
Above: Blogs for Bush in effect
I have a feeling so have we.
With eight days before the midterm elections, the New York Times ran a front page story today alleging that “the American military has not properly tracked hundreds of thousands of weapons intended for Iraqi security forces.â€? Does sthis story sound a bit familiar to you? It should.
On October 25, 2004, “coincidentally” eight days before the president election, the New York Times published a story that falsely alleged missing weapons at the al Qa’qaa weapons facility in Iraq.
‘Coincidentally’ in scare-quotes means that an Iraqi report of October 10th, 2004, “just happened” to say “the following”:
Oct
30
30
Grogan: Republicans Must Cheat to Win
And we’d thought the GOP had lost the kook vote.
Window of opportunity? . . .quick close it!
Kaye Grogan
October 19, 2006
When a potential voter observes the vulturous attitude of Nancy Pelosi waiting in the wings to be “Speaker of the House” this should be more than enough of an incentive to register your pets, pay a special visit to the dearly departed encouraging them to rise up and go to the polls long enough to vote — to defeat Pelosi’s chances of cracking her whip in the house.
Um, do what now?
Huh.
…Okay, kitties. We have a special cat-treat assignment for you next Tuesday.
“Yay!”
Oct
30
30
How to be a wingnut
Thomas Sowell, who finds in Iraq a good excuse to slam diversity and liberals, unleashes this little gem over at Opinion Journal:
However we got into Iraq
How did the U.S. get into Iraq anyway? It’s just so damn complicated. Coming up next on Thomas’ how the hell did that happen story hour:
Feel free to add your own in the comments…
Oct
30
30
…And Arcs of Toilet Paper Gladdened the Election-Day Sky
Today’s Democrats mess on America’s doorstep
Marie Jon’
October 25, 2006
We have been bombarded with vicious and unwarranted politicking over Iraq and the war on terror for more than five years. The constant attacks have demoralized our citizens and our troops serving their country.
Most of us have felt frustrated and angered by what we observe coming from those who call themselves liberal progressives. They have managed to turn our country inside out. They have willfully divided the nation for their own selfish objectives.
Wars are “lost at home” because citizens lack the will to stand up and do what is correct. Blame the media and a party that is morally bankrupt and corrupt. “I hate the Republicans and everything they stand for,” the DNC chairman Howard Dean told Democrats gathered at a Manhattan hotel, according to the New York Daily News.
Today’s Democrats contribute nothing toward the betterment of our country. Now, they have messed on America’s doorstep. It’s time to show them with your vote, just what you think of them. It’s time to scrape them off.
Ding-dong, Marie!
Oct
29
29
And Now A Word From Our Sponsor
Liv-A Snaps are made with real liver! And dogs love ‘em!
Above: Pam! I Feel Like A Woman (doop-doop de-doo-doo)
“Obama bin Laden” — we’ve been waiting for that one. Also, Pammy predicts a lot of Democratic “fighting” about electronic voting machines, because “voter fraud is the only way [Democrats] can win” and “machines don’t lie.”
Besides being head-bonkingly stupid in four simultaneous dimensions of space-time, that’s actually quite interesting. There’s been a rising murmur on the right about ballot fraud, and about some kind of planned Republican pushback after the election results come in and they prove unfavorable to the GOP.
What it means, I don’t know; but it’s like hearing teacups rattling in the pantry and noticing that the cats are all hanging out under the furniture. Maybe nothing, but a bit eerie, seismically.
Treat your dog to Liv-A Snaps!
Oct
29
29
Beavers Squeeze Trojans, Booty Gives It Away
I don’t usually follow college football, but the puns for the Oregon State/USC game totally write themselves.
Above: Booty shaken
Update:
Some Guy said,
October 29, 2006 at 6:06Nothing about the World Series?
Oct
29
29
The Greatest Scene from the Greastest Greatest Movie Ever
God do I love Dolemite:
You no-business born-insecure motherFUCKAS!!!
Oct
28
28
High Noonan
Mark Noonan, of Red State and Blogs for Bush, has crafted a sequel to his notorious ‘Death of Science’ essay — because, like they always say, when you find yourself standing in a hole, you’d better keep digging.
I’d like to make one thing clear here - a lot of lefty posters on the original Death of Science thread tried to make out that I was some sort of Luddite opposed to scientific pursuit. This assertion is rather flabbergasting when made against a man who favors a massive increase in spending on NASA. When I say “Science” in this context, I mean that worldview which placed science athwart religion and said the two cannot mix. My contention is not only that they mix fine, but that you can’t really do science unless you are firmly grounded in faith and have a general knowledge of theology.
Oh, brilliant. Like we didn’t learn a lesson from Ye Greate Spayce Rayce of 1538, when the Anglicans’ new lean, efficient prayer engines won the tech war, but the Catholics’ desperate Mass Accelerator research nearly brought Jesus back prematurely.
“Ho, heretic! Make way!” “Eat mine fumes, Papist!
There are some things mankind wasn’t meant to meddle with!
Oct
28
28
Late-Night Victor Davis Hanson Interlude
Say, it’s quiet tonight — too quiet.
Above: Cue V.D. Hanson theme music.
Uh-oh. Let’s see what’s brewing with our favorite formerly reputable historian:
Watching and reading the recent Washington punditry, whether in print or on television, is a depressing spectacle. Almost all—Charles Krauthammer is the most notable exception—have somehow triangulated on the war, not mentioning why and how in the B.C. days they sort of, kinda, not really called for the overthrow of Saddam Hussein. For some the Road to Damascus was the looting or Abu Ghraib, for others the increasing violence. Still more now say the absence of WMD did the trick.
But almost none of the firebrands of 2003 speaks the truth behind the facade: They supported the war when it looked like few casualties and a quick reconstruction and thus confirmation of their own muscular humanitarianism—and then bailed along the way when they realized that wasn’t going to happen and the unpopular war might instead brand them as “war mongers�, “chicken-hawks� or just fools.
Instead of that honest admission, we get instead either cardboard cut-out villains of the “my perfect three-week war, your screwed-up three-year occupation� type—a Douglas Feith, Gen. Sanchez, or Paul Bremmer—or all sorts of unappreciated and untapped brilliance: from trisecting the country to “redeploying� to Kurdistan, or Kuwait, or Okinawa?
[…]
[H]ad the United States had a republic secure and up and running in Baghdad 3 months after the end of the three-week war, at a cost of, say, 400 fatalities, missing Weapons of Mass Destruction and all other the other complaints would not have been real issues, as supporters would have pointed to the other 22 writs of war in the October 2002 Congressional resolutions that are as valid now as they were then.
Shorter V.D. Hanson: “Support Our Oops.”
Oct
28
28
Where Are My Manners?
I can’t believe I failed to mention conservative Jon Swift’s outstanding analysis of Battlestar Galactica. Here’s an excerpt:
Some are calling the sci-fi series Battlestar Galactica the best show on television so I decided to check out the season premiere to see what all the hype was about. It turns out to be even better than I had heard. The Sci Fi Channel show is a moving and haunting allegory about why we should stay the course in Iraq. The heroes are a deeply religious race, called the Cylons, who struggle to bring democratic ideals and Christian values to a planet called New Caprica (Iraq, of course) in the face of an increasingly violent insurgency. In a clever and ironic twist the Christian Cylons (Americans) are actually very human-like machines, while the villainous “humans” on New Caprica (al Qaeda) are brutal terrorists who follow a primitive polytheistic religion and behave like animals.
Although I am not generally a big fan of science fiction (my favorite genres are biblical epics, alpine mountain dramas, and women’s prison movies), Battlestar Galactica is not really about the future as much as it’s a subversive analysis of current events.
Read the whole thing.
Also, I forgot to give a shout out to Ezra Klein for helping me get this sucker published. Thanks, homey!
Oct
27
27
Thanks For Helping
With a crucial election only days away, social critic Camille Paglia has some advice for her fellow Democrats:
Above: Camille Paglia
The way the Democratic leadership was in clear collusion with the major media to push [the Mark Foley] story in the month before the midterm election seems to me to have been a big fat gift to Ann Coulter and the other conservative commentators who say the mainstream media are simply the lapdogs of the Democrats. Every time I turned on the news it was “Foley, Foley, Foley!” — and in suspiciously similar language and repetitive talking points.
[…]
We saw the beginning of this in that grotesque moment in the last presidential debates when John Kerry came out with that clearly prefab line identifying Mary Cheney as a lesbian.
[…]
All that’s been accomplished by [the Foley] scandal is to call into question one of the central erotic archetypes of gay male tradition — the ephebic beauty of boys at their muscular peak between the ages of 16 and 18. It goes back through Western iconography from Michelangelo’s nudes to Hadrian’s Antinous and beyond that to Greek sculpture. It’s a formula at the heart of Plato’s dialogues, as in the Symposium, which shows Socrates in love with but also declining sex with the handsome young Alcibiades.
[…]
And why didn’t Democrats notice that they were drifting into an area which has been the province of the right wing — that is, the attempt to gain authoritarian control over interpersonal communications on the Web? It’s very worrisome and yet more proof that the Democrats have lost their way.
[…]
Every feminist who wants to smash the glass ceiling should realize she has a stake in Condi Rice’s success.
[…]
The Democrats’ portrayal of Republicans as fat cats out of touch with ordinary Americans just doesn’t fly anymore, and they should drop it. I think the center of the Republican Party really is small-businessmen and very practical people who correctly see that it’s job creation and wealth creation that sustain an economy — not government intervention and government control, that suffocating nanny-state mentality.
Oct
27
27
Published!!!11!
The good folks over at the American Prospect Online were kind enough to publish a piece I wrote about Republicans and Battlestar Galactica. Go check it out if you want (and tell ‘em how much you think it RULES!!!11!).
Cheers!
PS- Now y’all know my last name. Yippee. Please don’t let Patterico know- I don’t want him stalking me at my home address. Thx.
