Jan
31
Posted at 19:14 by Gavin M.
An Open Letter to Illegal Immigrants
Jan 28, 2006
by Doug Giles
Giles (r): “This is my boom-stick.”
Una Letra a los Inmigrantes Ilegales
De enero el 28 de 2006
por Doug Giles
If I were a Mexican stuck in Mexico, I, too, would grab a jug of aqua, stuff fistfuls of tortillas into a bandana, then tie that knap sack onto the end of a long stick and start my slog north for the Promised Land.
Las cucarachas entran pero no pueden salir. Somos muy enfermos en la cabeza. ¿Nuestro sarcasmo enmascara nuestra impotencia? En toda la probabilidad.
What would be the rationale for my exodus from Santa Ana land? Well, one big reason is the zero opportunity in Mexico. Mexico’s economic future is about as bright as Leif Garrett’s singing career. I’m talking there is nada for the average José. Look, Vicente Fox can only hire out so many pool boys, chefs, drivers, maids, migrant map makers and mistresses. For the rest of the national workforce . . . well, you’re pretty much SOL: sure-outta-luck.
Somos asà que bebido no podemos ver. Cuando somos éste bebidos, conseguimos todos violentos y enojado y deseamos a veces morir. Pensamos que odiamos la gente negra y la gente del gay. Somos excusas desgraciadas para un escritor. Estamos perdiendo la pista de todo este uso del plural. EnvÃe por favor la ayuda. Esto no es una broma.
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Jan
31
Posted at 16:40 by Brad
Try to believe that John Hinderaker actually wrote this:
Whatever the numbers may be at the moment, the Democrats have turned themselves into the party of the super-rich, and for the foreseeable future, they’ll have a financial edge over the Republicans, even though that advantage will be manifested in soft money, which can be given to “independent” groups like MoveOn.org in infinite quantities.
Whenever someone begins their argument with the clause “whatever the numbers may be,” you just know they’re about to say something incredibly stupid. “Whatever the numbers may be” is basically code for “I don’t give a damn about evidence.” It’s like a sports writer who says, “Whatever the numbers may say at the moment, Angel Berroa has turned himself into a better shortstop than Derek Jeter. No, I don’t care if Jeter’s OPS+ last year was 40 points higher than Berroa’s! I know what I’m talking about!”
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Jan
31
Posted at 2:54 by Brad
I know that posters at LittleGreenFootballs are really, really low-hanging fruit (OK, so that’s being pretty unfair to low-hanging fruit… LGF posters are more like fruit that fell off the tree, got eaten by a bunny rabbit, got pooped back out and then got eaten by a dog…), but this thread, about kidnapped reporter Jill Carrol, is so sickening that it deserves a mention:
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Jan
29
Posted at 23:02 by Sadly, No!
Michelle Malkin launches her daily whine:
The World Economic Forum in Davos, which attracts the world’s wealthiest and windiest bloviators […] And with that, the global elite retired after an exhausting week of saving the world by generating more hot air than any of the industrial sources they’re fighting so hard to curtail.
Michelle apparently forgot most successful as well. Amongst those weapons (and those attending:)
David Abney President, UPS International
Josef Ackermann Chairman, Group Executive Committee Deutsche Bank AG
John M. Allan Chief Executive Officer DHL Logistics
Craig R. Barrett Chairman of the Board Intel Corporation
Laurent Beaudoin Chairman of the Board and Chief Executive Officer Bombardier Inc.
John T. Chambers President and Chief Executive Officer Cisco Systems Inc.
Richard T. Clark Chief Executive Officer and President Merck & Co. Inc.
Michael J. Critelli Chairman and Chief Executive Officer Pitney Bowes Inc.
Mathias Döpfner Chief Executive Officer Axel Springer AG
Steve Forbes President and Chief Executive Officer Forbes Inc.
William B. Harrison Jr Chairman of the Board J.P. Morgan Chase & Co.
E. Neville Isdell Chairman and Chief Executive Officer The Coca-Cola Company USA
Paul E. Jacobs Chairman and Chief Executive Officer Qualcomm Inc.
Andrew N. Liveris Chief Executive Officer The Dow Chemical Company
Henry A. McKinnell Chairman and Chief Executive Officer Pfizer Inc.
Yes, if we were looking at putting together a list of bloviators who are looking to curtail “industrial sources,” this is exactly the one we’d come up with. Well, not everyone can be as successful as Oops I crapped my Pants! Media.
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Jan
29
Posted at 4:20 by Gavin M.
Or ‘Rutles,’ actually. Because it’s the weekend, and because honestly, Jane Wiedlin and Sparks doing ‘Cool Places’ was too cruel to inflict on you guys.
The Rutles — ‘Yellow Submarine Sandwich’ (2:36).
[Superbonus noticing-things detail: Check what the Beastie Boys stole from this clip.]
[News and fresh horror below the fold, btw.]
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Jan
28
Posted at 17:25 by Brad
Above: Telephone poll pole expresses lack of faith in President
…because otherwise he’d learn that a majority of Americans think he’s a failure:
A majority of Americans are more likely to vote for a candidate in November’s congressional elections who opposes President Bush, and 58 percent consider his second term a failure so far, according to a poll released Thursday.
Fewer people consider Bush to be honest and trustworthy now than did a year ago, and 53 percent said they believe his administration deliberately misled the public about Iraq’s purported weapons program before the U.S. invasion in 2003, the CNN/USA Today/Gallup poll found. […]
Fifty-eight percent of those polled said Bush’s second term has been a failure so far, while 38 percent said they consider it a success. A smaller number — 52 percent — consider his entire presidency a failure to date, with 46 percent calling it successful.
My God! When did all those Americans join the ranks of the unhinged left!
Poles: “Zjebcoki! We could have told you so!”
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Jan
28
Posted at 15:52 by Brad
AgapePress has a pair of hi-larious stories posted today. Let’s check ‘em out, starting with this one:
Nebraska Pastor’s State Senate Prayer Pushes Some Lawmakers’ Buttons
By Mary Rettig
January 27, 2006
(AgapePress) - A Nebraska minister caused an uproar in the State Senate Tuesday when he delivered the morning prayer for that day’s session. Pastor Tim Swartley of Elm Creek says he was asked by his senator, Jim Cudaback, to deliver the invocation which left several senators outraged.
“I did pray that God would forgive us for abortion,” Swartley explains. “I prayed that God would forgive us for teaching our children the religion of evolution, which really does tell us [its version of] where we came from and why we’re here and where we’re going, just as the Bible does. It’s a competing philosophy of life.”
Evolution is a scientific theory about gradual biological development that’s based on facts and evidence. It does not tell us why we’re here or where we’re going. Mr. Swartley has obviously never opened a science book in his life (surprise, surprise).
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Jan
28
Posted at 13:39 by Brad
Uh-oh… it looks like those pasty, toothless Brits are challenging our manhood again:
THE Prince of Wales warned the British people last night that they were in danger of becoming as obese as many Americans because they did not walk or cycle enough.
That does it! I’ve had it with those queen-worshipping fruits assaulting our national character! Now is the time for all of our virile, muscular Keyboard Kommandoes to stand up and show those limey bastards what we’re really made of! Isn’t that right, FreedomPundit?*
“Yeah, you toothless British bastards! I don’t have these so-called ‘man-boobs’ of which you speak! FreedomPundit ain’t no… how you say?… ‘pon-cey wan-ker boll-ock-brain!’ LMFAO!!!”
* ‘Freedom Pundit’ is a wholly-pwned subsidiary of SadNo, GMBH.
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Jan
28
Posted at 6:26 by Gavin M.
Testy McTestington…
Aha! There we go.
[Vid by CNNNN, file hosting via YouTube.]
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Jan
28
Posted at 0:44 by Brad
Hold on to your seats, folks, ’cause Chuck Baldwin’s penned yet another masterpiece:
[Gavin adds: Wait, let’s fix that picture first. This time let’s put Chuck in the Bogotá Gay Parade:]
Whatever happened to masculinity?
Chuck Baldwin
January 27, 2006
The recent Hollywood infatuation with homosexuality is only the latest example of how true American manhood is being systematically dismantled.
I agree. We should fight back by distributing a nudie calender featuring all of Renew America’s hottest male writers:
Hm, on second thought…
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Jan
28
Posted at 0:38 by Brad
Atrios provides a great reason to filibuster Alito- one that I hadn’t even thought of:
Cruising into Tuesday evening next week there will be two possible storylines:
1) The Democrats are a bunch of losers, as are all of their supporters. Bush and his giant codpiece looked magnificent at the state of the union, and Mrs. Alito was very happy and smiling sitting next to Mrs. Bush safe and content now that the magnificent and mighty President Bush made that bad Ted Kennedy go away.
2) The Democrats shocked Washington today by holding together, dropping a mighty turd in the punchbowl of the Bush administration, dealing a deadly blow to his nomination of Alito. The president won’t be too happy tonight as he gives the 2006 state of the union speech.
Those are the choices.
That’s actually a very good idea. Even if the filibuster has no shot of working for very long, it’d be a great way to foul up Bush’s SOTU address. Go for it.
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Jan
27
Posted at 20:29 by Brad
Kaye, has “published” — a “new”… column today. “Let’s”… read, it:
Judges in–judges out . . . lock the door behind them!
Kaye Grogan
January 27, 2006
Senator John Kerry is trying for one last “hurrah” using Judge Samuel A. Alito as his whipping post — calling for a filibuster. Where were you Mr. Kerry when Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and Steven Breyer, two liberals nominated by former President Bill Clinton as they were awaiting confirmation and a full senate vote? Oh wait a minute . . . I’m confused. Let me see if I can get this straight. It’s hard to keep up with folks who change their minds like they change songs on their Ipods. I remember now: Ginsburg and Breyer were your kind of judges.
Kaye seems to “think” — its hypocrisy to… be against confirming “judges” you, don’t like.
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Jan
27
Posted at 18:36 by Gavin M.
Only five because we’d better stop fiddle-faddling and make a good showing for the Koufax already. Although, in any event, we’re prepared to inaugurate a new category:
The Dils — “Mr. Big”
Futureheads — “Le Garage”
Louis Armstrong — “Bear Necessities”
O’ Jays — “Love Train”
Futureheads — “False Conversations”
There’s an essay to be written on the Futureheads — on, among other things, their near-faultless instincts about which tricks to steal, and which not to try stealing, from influences such as Wire, XTC, the Jam, the Gang of Four, and less-remembered bands like Blurt and the Pop Group (and the whole rest of that discordant, Telecaster-using cohort).
But I’ll go out on a limb and say that the band they remind me the most of, in terms of their total aesthetic as well as the subtle cadences they throw into their songs, is the Ruts. You’re laughing. If you watch the ‘Decent Days and Nights’ video — the first version, not the newer one or the live one — on their website, you might see what I mean.
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Jan
27
Posted at 16:42 by Brad
Reading this story literally made me froth with rage:
The US government will complete just a fraction of the planned massive reconstruction projects in Iraq before $18.4 billion in federal funding runs out next year, according to a government audit released yesterday.
The audit by the special inspector general for Iraq reconstruction, which oversees the rebuilding budget, states that only 49 of 136 planned water projects will be finished by 2007, the deadline Congress has set for the allocation. About 300 of 425 electricity projects will be done by then, according to the audit.
Projects addressing water and sewer problems and electricity shortages had initially attracted the largest US commitment among public works projects.
OK, so the administration fucked up the Iraqi reconstruction. That’s old news. But here’s the kicker (emphasis mine):
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Jan
27
Posted at 7:58 by Gavin M.
Iraq’s WMD Secreted in Syria, Sada Says
By IRA STOLL - Staff Reporter of the Sun
January 26, 2006
Yes, with Judy Miller out of commission, the NY Sun can now scoop the Times!
The pilots told Mr. Sada that two Iraqi Airways Boeings were converted to cargo planes by removing the seats, Mr. Sada said. Then Special Republican Guard brigades loaded materials onto the planes, he said, including “yellow barrels with skull and crossbones on each barrel.” The pilots said there was also a ground convoy of trucks.
Then on the Syrian side, government agents gave the Republican Guard big sacks marked ‘$,’ and everyone drank from a clay jug with ‘XXX’ on it.
More likely, here’s what just crashed through the wall at the Sun:
The flights - 56 in total, Mr. Sada said - attracted little notice because they were thought to be civilian flights providing relief from Iraq to Syria, which had suffered a flood after a dam collapse in June of 2002.
Nice mise en scène, standing up barrels of WMDs in airliners, labeling them with a generic skull-and-crossbones, and nobody wearing hazmat suits or anything — while using as cover a flood in Syria eight months earlier. And this worked 56 times without a major disaster? When even Powerline hedges its bets on a story like this, you know you’ve got a Kool-Aid Klassic.
Bradrocket adds:
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