Oct
26
26
Oct
25
25
The View from Wingnuttia
A fellow from the PostWatch blog (link thanks to Roger Ailes) writes:
Iraq’s Untold Story: Progress on the Power Front
Which is followed by a link to an article to some super duper local electricity project. Awesome. Of course, one does have to focus on the micro level, when the big picture sucks:
In the electricity sector, Administration officials promised to increase peak electricity output to at least 6,000 megawatts. But Iraq has never come close to achieving this objective. By August 26, 2005, Iraq’s peak output was just 4,635 megawatts, only slightly above the pre-war level of 4,400 megawatts. Actual summer demand was 8,600 megawatts, leading State Department officials to concede that ?[w]e’ll never meet demand.? In August 2005, Iraqis living in Baghdad had just two hours of power followed by four hours without power throughout the day.
Well, maybe they can shoot the messenger, since the report was commissioned by Democrats:
The report used U.S. government audits and briefings and documents from the State Department’s Iraq Reconstruction Management Office in Baghdad.
Oops.
Oct
25
25
It’s our birthday and we’ll cry if we want to
You would cry too if this happened to you.
Today, Sadly, No! (the management, not the blog) turns a year older. Happy birthday to us.
Oct
25
25
XTREME Preach-Off Smackdown II: Wieland v.s. Swank
Yes, it’s time for another round of XTREME Wingnut Peach-Off, where I scour the Internets for columns by the world’s craziest on-line ministers and pit them against our reigning champ, Pastor Joseph Grant Swank. This week’s challenger is Carl Wieland from AnswersInGenesis, America’s premier creationism “research” institute!
And now, Sadly, No! readers… LLLLLET’S GET REEEADY TO RUMMMMMMM-BLLLLLLLLLLE!!!!!!!!!
Oct
24
24
A Sadly, No! Exclusive: Brad R.’s Secret Wardrobe Exposed!
He’ll deny it, but we have our sources. The eBay Auction for leather pants:
You are bidding on a mistake.
We all make mistakes. We date the wrong people for too long. We chew gum with our mouths open. We say inappropriate things in front of grandma.
And we buy leather pants.
I can explain these pants and why they are in my possession. I bought them many, many years ago under the spell of a woman whom I believed to have taste. She suggested I try them on. I did. She said they looked good. I wanted to have a relationship of sorts with her. I?m stupid and prone to impulsive decisions. I bought the pants.
Thanks to Rob for the link.
Oct
24
24
Darr, He STILL Blows!
Woof. This Darr column’s a real stinker:
What environmentalists do not want you to know about endangered species
Justin Darr
October 23, 2005
Did you know that if all the endangered species in the world were made safe, hurricanes would no longer hit the Gulf Coast?
No, Justin, I’ve never heard that before, probably because you’re the only person alive who’s stupid enough to say it.
This is just one example of the tortured logic liberal environmentalists would like you to believe in regard to Humanity’s affect on the environment.
Say, Justin? I’ve never heard any environmentalist say that hurricanes are caused by the extinction of species. And since you don’t provide any citations for this claim, I’m gonna assume you pulled it right out of your ass.
You have to remember that liberals do not think like you and me.
Indeed: liberals actually think.
We live in a world we believe to be basically good…
“Which is, of course, why we love starting so many wars…”
…and where doing what is right an end unto itself. If we stick to our values, look out for ourselves, and try to help those around us along the way, the world will be a better place.
Justin, you gotta be shitting me. Just last month, you wrote an entire column blaming people in New Orleans for being too poor to flee Hurricane Katrina, and now you’re talking about changing the world through some fruity message of altruistic love?
Read the rest of this entry »
Oct
24
24
Movin’ On Up
Marie’s hit the big time with a new gig at Renew America. Thankfully, fame hasn’t gone to her head- she’s still wingnutty.
Oct
23
23
Could this truly be the day?
Hey, what’s that thing at the top of the page? A logo? A Sadly, No! logo?
Inconceivable!
What’s next, the return of the style switcher? A choice between dark-on-light and light-on-dark? Even more Songs from Prussian Blue?
Two out of three can’t be bad! We’ll let you pick the ones you prefer.
Oct
22
22
Schtill Schtalking der Blog
It’s still like Grand Central Nazi Station over here.
If you’re bored and want to punch a Nazi, try down in this post. They won’t come up here for some reason.
Wait, this just in:
Dear Sadly, No,
As majority stockholder in this blog, I believe it would increase traffic and therefore share price if SadNo were to offer content more of interest to its daily visitors. As you know, executive compensation is now tied to the stock price. Please get on this immediately if you know what’s good for you, see?
Yours Truly,
YBMT Blog
Hmm.
Oh look, it’s the Horten Brothers.
“Hel-lo! We were teenage German aeronautical pioneers, responsible for many advanced ‘flying wing’ designs — including a supersonic jet fighter that unfortunately never reached major production.”
And wait, you guys were Nazis too, right?
“Ha ha! Well, that was the only game in town at the time, you understand.”
I’m not sure I like this new direction, honestly.
Oct
22
22
Sad But True
Apparently, John Hinderaker will be appearing on CNN’s Reliable Sources. I know irony’s been dead for years, but did CNN really have to dig up its grave and pee on its rotting corpse?
Oct
22
22
This Here’s a Genuine Kaye Klassik
This is the best column Kaye’s written in quite sometime (and by “the best” I mean “the most hilariously inept and illogical”):
Border control is simplistic . . . so just do it!
Kaye Grogan
October 21, 2005There is a simple way to control the borders.
Before we go any further, I’d just like to point out that whenever someone like Kaye thinks a problem is easy to fix, there’s a 99.99999999% chance (with a .00000001% margin of error) that their proposed solution is going to be fantastically ill-considered and devastatingly stupid. Let’s see if Kaye’s idea meets this standard:
Just put 100,000 volts of electricity on the fence the illegal immigrants use to climb over into America.
It sure does. Kaye, you realize that illegal immigrants don’t have to climb over a fence to get into America, don’t you? Or has all that rubber cement you’ve been huffing led you to believe that Pat Buchanan was actually elected president back in 1992?
Read the rest of this entry »
Oct
22
22
Hmm.
I think we took a substantial financial hit when we switched from the old demi-mondesque, psychologically complex black color scheme to the current smilingly white and pastel blue one. We might all be paupers before it’s fixed!
My blog is worth $274,366.44.
How much is your blog worth?
And yet, who can put a price on laughter? Link stolen from The Eds, in a startling reversal of life’s natural order.
[Update: Indeed, according to Blogshares, S,N! stock has fallen since the emergency changeover to the white color scheme. But what's this!?
Player Number (%) Last Bought / Sold
YBMT 3750 (75%) 06:27 08 Oct 2005
Einzige 250 (5%) 13:50 17 Oct 2005
Total Shares Owned: 4000 (80%)
1000 shares are reserved.
There's been a takeover! A majority of S,N! stock is now owned by...an evangelical Christian blog?
I'd just like to know why there can't be a single day around here that isn't fraught with some kind of B-movie plot device. That's all I want to know.]
Oct
21
21
Whatzi?
Does anyone know why we’re being flooded with neo-Nazis today? They’re all coming here.
Naturally, we invited them up for a tea party. If any white supremacists come stormtrooping through, just don’t hurt ‘em too bad, ok? It can be really hard to keep trolls around here when you guys keep smashing them into strawberry jam….
Bradrocket adds:
Or as Wesley Willis said, “Kiiiiill Whiiiite-eeeeeeey!! Kiiiiill Whiiiite-eeeeeeey!! Kiiiiill Whiiiite-eeeeeeey!!”
Gavin adds:
War-riors — come out and play-ay… Come here, little pookies! Nazi, nazi, in-come-free!
Hey Brad, they’re all bunched up down there. Why is it suddenly hard to start a fight with 2,000 Nazis?
Oct
21
21
That sounds like quite a lot
In the good old days of SPY Magazine, its editors often checked the math underlying rather preposterous claims, such as Ollie North’s one-time boast that he had paid for a pick-up truck using mostly change accumulated over several years. (Or maybe that was just a dream?)
In any case, we were reminded of this dream today by the following from… Oliver North:
Traveling around America — as I have been these past two weeks on a national book tour for my new novel, “The Assassins” — has been great therapy. It got me away from Washington, D.C. I got to travel the length and breadth of the country in red states and blue states. I’ve met and talked and listened to tens of thousands of people from every walk of life.
Let’s say that by “two weeks” Ollie means 14 days. And that “tens of thousands of people” means 20,000. 14 days gives Ollie 336 hours to meet, talk and listen to 20,000 people: 59 per hour. Yet Ollie needs sleep and/or rest. Let us be generous and subtract 8 hours per day, leaving only 224 hours. This translates to 89 people per hour. Which means that in the last 2 weeks, Ollie North has spent 16 hours a day each and every of those 14 days meeting, talking and listening to 89 people per hour, giving him an average of 40.4 seconds per encounter.
Now that is impressive. Maybe he should try to get into the Guinness Book of Records. We just need to figure out the right category.
Oct
21
21
It’s the Second-Most Wonderful Time of the Year
With October 31st just around the corner, religious crazies from all o’er the land are doing their best to remind us that Halloween isn’t just about candy and funny costumes; it’s about Satanism and human sacrifice too. WorldNetDaily reports on their latest efforts:
Church’s anti-Halloween flier upsets family
Files police complaint: ‘I have every right to decorate my home’An Indiana family upset by an anti-Halloween church flier filed a complaint with police.
Dalene Gully of Ellettsville told Indianapolis television station WRTV-TV she was offended by the flier placed outside her home by the House of Prayer Church of Bloomington.
Here’s a picture of the flier, via Channel 6 News in Indianapolis:
So yeah, I can see why this lady’s a tad bit upset at these wingnuts for implying that she’s a Satan-worshipper. But wait! There’s more!
Read the rest of this entry »
Oct
21
21
Excellent
Reader Bob just sent us a brilliantly photoshopped DeLay mugshot. Check it out here. (And yeah, the fact that his website is called “Smegmaster” is kinda disturbing, but still…)
Oct
21
21
Are you prepared for Fitzmastime?
It’s the most…won-der-ful time…of the year!
Well, we sure hope so. And we’re prepared! This spiffy, high-res Fitzmas (or Fitznukkah) card image is downloadable, printable, and e-card sendable! And it has no Sadlyno.com watermark, so you can reproduce it with super-gleeful sharingness! Print on cardstock for an instant postcard! Send one saying, “BWAHAHA! PWZ3R3D!!!1!!1!!!’ to your dittohead cousin!
Because, the holidays are right around the corner for all of us boys and girls who have been really, really good this year. We’ve been good, haven’t we? Woo, let’s keep our fingers crossed.
Oct
21
21
Besting, bun bwo bree…
Bait bust bun binute bere…
['thoop!' sound]
There was a big, purple letter ‘B’ in my computer!
“Well, that certainly explains that!”
Indeed it does, Grover. Ho ho. Well. It looks like we’re back to normal here. Ahem.
Our pal Auguste at Malkin(s)watch sent this great logo days ago, but I wasn’t rable ro rut rit rup runtil…
Rodrammit! Row rhat’s rappening?
Oct
20
20
Exciting New Contest: The XTREME Wingnut Preach-Off!!!
I’ve decided to create a new regular feature here at Sadly, No! called the XTREME Wingnut Preach-Off! Here’s how it works: I’m gonna post two articles by the wingnuttiest pastors I can find and have them duke it out for the title of Heavyweight Champion of God-Related Crackpot Activities (or something like that). This week, we’re going to pit a hungry young (sic) challenger against the reigning champ of wingnut preaching, Pastor Swank.
OK, let’s get started! In this corner… coming all the way from North Carolina… the challenger, the Reverend Mark H. Creech!
Natural disasters: When nations neglect God’s business for their own
Rev. Mark H. Creech
October 19, 2005A two-foot snowfall in Los Angeles ? a severe drought this summer in the Midwest that dropped water levels in the Missouri River to their lowest on record ? a heat wave of temperatures of over 110 degrees that in one week killed more than 20 people in Arizona ? hurricanes in Florida, Carolina, and of course, the monster of all storms, Hurricane Katrina, which essentially washed away the city of New Orleans. All, says Ross Gelbspan of the Boston Globe, are the results of human-induced global warming. According to Gelbspan, it’s not just America, but places around the world like Scandinavia, Spain, Portugal, and India that are feeling the heat of catastrophic environmental changes.
Pfffft, that’s just crazy talk. The bad weather is an obvious sign of God’s displeasure with Massachusetts for legalizing homo nups.
It’s hard to believe what’s been occurring of late is simply “very much natural.” The succession and intensity of these events have rightly caused people to sense something isn’t right in the earth, and scientific data alone can’t explain it.
I agree. Clearly science has no place explaining how the natural world works.
Read the rest of this entry »
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