Jul
31
Posted at 19:30 by Sadly, No!
Alone, in the bunker. Thanks to a random wingnut link (our guess would be NewsMax,) we find out:
WHAT TO DO IF A NUCLEAR DISASTER IS IMMINENT!
The helpful online guide answers its own question since it instructs you not only on what to do if but it adds that you should do all of it right now. Because a nuclear disaster is imminent. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Where to start? According to the helpful guide, you should follow the advice of The Clash:
You must decide FIRST if you need to prepare where you are, or attempt evacuation.
If you go, there will be trouble. But if you stay, it will be double.
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Jul
31
Posted at 4:57 by Gavin M.
Those rassin’-frass, frick-a-frack, flap-jabbin’… Ooooh! (The burn, the burn!)
http://www.internetrumormill.com/sadlyyes.html
[more here in a bit. honestly though, how dare they assume we’re not gay? also, you have to admit: they’re getting better at the inflammatory Nat’l Lampoon humor-thing.]
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Jul
30
Posted at 22:31 by Gavin M.
Huffing mustache guy Frank Salvato demonstrates the basic technique in his latest editorial at The Rant.
Vietnam War protest hero John Kerry recently called on the White House to release ?in their entirety? all of Supreme Court nominee John Roberts? records as they pertain to his public service. “We cannot do our duty if either Judge Roberts or the Bush administration hides elements of his professional record,” Kerry said.
And now watch the turnaround…
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Jul
30
Posted at 7:24 by Gavin M.
Thready McThreadington…
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Jul
29
Posted at 19:01 by Brad
Well, S.Z. held voting for the Low-Rent Ultimate Wingnut Contest today, and alas, it looks like Debbie Daniel will soon be kicked off the island.
While Debbie’s latest column is admittedly lackluster, we should remember that in her prime, Debbie could wingnut with the best of ‘em. In honor of her fine contributions to wingnuttery over the last couple of years, here is a Debbie Daniel career retrospective.
Let’s go back to where it all began and read Debbie’s first column for GOPUSA:
I’ve been listening to both sides of this immigration issue and I’ve come to the conclusion that the only way to handle this problem is to line up every willing and able American, arm in arm, across our entire border and shoot to kill.
And with that unhinged expression of homicidal rage, a wingnut legend was born.
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Jul
29
Posted at 6:20 by Gavin M.
From probably a dozen places all at once (Chron Watch, American Daily, the Rant, People Pa-whatsis, and other low-rent wingsheets all tend to publish the same twenty columnists), Lee Ellis lays it down.
Lee Ellis, cranky old guy, used to work for CBS
The March of the Left VS the March of the Penguins,
By Lee Ellis
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Jul
29
Posted at 0:42 by Brad
In the comments, Marie Jon’ writes:
You miserable bunch of Anti American low life. You sit and complain and joke! I have Sadly No respect for you or your bankrupt socialistic party of losers who are near seditious in behavior and words. Now you have just heard the WORD! ” The world loves it’s own.” There is no spirit here in this bog other than sheer contempt for God and the USA!
Now c’mon, Marie- we enjoyed your spirited parody earlier today, and we were starting to think that you had a sense of humor. In fact, we were so impressed by your use of foul language, that we almost mistook you for one of our own!
C’mere, give us a hug, eh? Can we get a hug?
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Jul
28
Posted at 22:04 by Brad
Pastor Swank’s been awfully busy the last coupla days. For your reading enjoyment, here’s a summary:
Column #1: DON’T ADD YOGA TO CHRISTIAN PRAYERS
If yoga were a part of Christian prayer life, the Bible would have instructed Christians in yoga. Therefore, taking yoga into a so-called Christian prayer is nonsense and may be worse. It could open the spirit to demonic spirits.
So not only does yoga have the power to obliterate your groin, but it can lead to demonic possession too. And if you don’t believe it, take a look at this guy:
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Jul
28
Posted at 19:14 by Gavin M.
It burns, it burns!
Added by Jeff Seb: We suspect this is the “closes” Marie Jon’? will ever get to making a funny.
[Update of a previous update — our picture-switching trick on Marie’s page has now been foiled. Foiled, I say!]
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Jul
27
Posted at 21:58 by Sadly, No!
Without using Google, who can guess what, or who, is being discussed here:
Though [they] provide amusement for a few minutes, their repertoire is severely limited. And aside from the activity of […] in their fecally-laced […], [they] spend most of their time just standing around.
Richard Perle and David Frum are not the answer!
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Jul
27
Posted at 19:22 by Brad
The Virgin Ben takes a decidedly fascist turn in his latest column. If he keeps it up, I’m gonna start calling him the TaliBen:
The American Civil Liberties Union focuses far more on preventing effective law enforcement than on protecting American lives. Its incessant complaints about the treatment of Guantanamo Bay detainees has undermined the moral authority of the American military, despite the fact that treatment has been more than adequate under the circumstances. Its obsession with “exposing” as many Abu Ghraib images as possible is designed as a direct attack on American soldiers abroad […] But civil libertarian absolutists will continue to assault America’s safety in favor of American “liberties.” Myopic civil libertarians ignore the simple fact that effective law enforcement is the best way to promote civil liberties.
And according to Ben, effective law enforcement entails ignoring law enforcement guidelines. Let’s recall what he said about Abu Ghraib last year (via TBogg, emphasis added):
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Jul
26
Posted at 22:46 by Brad
Let’s say terrorists nuke an American city. What’s the best way to respond? I think alicublog’s got the right idea:
Global Toby Keith Network — U.S. jams all radio signals worldwide, forces planet to listen to jingoistic new country tunes (such as “Grandma’s Glowin’, So I’m Goin’ to War,” “Kiss My Radiation-Damaged Ass,” etc.) commissioned by the National Endowment for the Arts.
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Jul
26
Posted at 20:45 by Gavin M.
…our SadNo staff and their dread cat minions, they were being attacked by Skippy the Bush Kangaroo in a battle-mech suit.
“ha ha! i am going to give you a million hits…in your pants!”
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Jul
26
Posted at 20:30 by Brad
Over at Renew America, Cynthia “Gays Are Not Gays” Janak has developed an ingenius plan to deter terrorists from bombing subways- ARM EVERYONE:
What if a terrorist goes into the subway with a backpack and the law-abiding citizen is armed? The terrorist puts the bag down and tries to walk away. The law-abiding citizens are able to stop the terrorist in his tracks and call the police on their cell phones. The law-abiding citizens restrain the terrorist and leave the subway while the bomb is being defused.
So if any of your fellow subway passengers put down their bags, pull a gun on them. Of course, people will think you’re some crazy mugger, and they’ll probably respond by pulling their guns on you. Pretty soon, the whole subway looks something like this:
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Jul
26
Posted at 18:58 by Sadly, No!
An article bearing the headline:
Iraqis Optimistic on Constitution Deadline
begins thusly:
A sigh of relief could be heard around Washington, D.C. Monday as 12 Sunni Arabs (search) agreed to return to the negotiating table in Iraq[.]
and continues:
U.S. officials had maintained an optimist outlook that minority Muslim faction would meet its goals despite last week’s violence against constitution drafters and a boycott of talks by Sunnis demanding increased protection[.]
meanwhile, back in Washington:
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