If one didn’t know any better, one might think we’ve abandoned you. Sadly, No!
While the management was busy last week moving its furniture to Hamburg (new job and all,) it spent last weekend moving itself, and hence the editorial offices of S,N!, to that city of the same name. Now that we have settled into our new home, expect more of the usual crap starting… soon.
Jonah Goldberg emails the management to share this deep thought:
You’re all class.
Jonah Goldberg
Stop, you had us at you’re.
We can only guess that Mr. Goldberg was especially impressed with this post:
Jonah Goldberg.
Claim to fame: Said to have popularized a joke first made on The Simpsons, a Top 10 television program.
Pro: Ability to mention popular television programs gives conservatives illusion they are the cool and hip kids.
Con: Ability to mention popular television programs leads to cognitive dissonance whenever one features nudity, profanity, or homosexuals leading ordinary lives.
Other noteworthy observations: Last person to have had contact with Lucianne Goldberg’s vagina.
Happy holidays everyone!
The “reality-based community”? I know that’s what idiot-fringe leftist bloggers like Atrios call themselves.
Can you blame us?
President George W. Bush Christmas Ornament
And by the way: why is the president wearing lipstick?
The glassblower creates the ornament using clear tempered glass, which gives the ornament noticeable weight. The ornament is then injected with liquid silver, which gives the ornament its special luminescence. Three applications of paint are required to achieve a spectacular level of detail, and a final dusting of glitter is applied to give your ornament extra sparkle.
Oh, it’s got sparkle baby. It’s got sparkle up the ying yang!
The management is delighted to introduce a new feature in honor of Thanksgiving* called “and by the way…” (ABTW.) ABTW will feature a particularly insightful bit of wisdom from a random wingnut. It resembles the shorter concept without requiring us to credit busy, busy, busy or Daniel Davies, while also bearing striking resemblance to “Who said it?” without forcing us to pay royalties to World O’Crap.
The formalities being out of the way, we bring you this week’s ABTW featuring Bucktowndusty:
And by the way, God doesn’t want naturalized citizens to be elected to the White House.
* Actually, we just wrote that because Thanksgiving is coming up. Truth is, we don’t really give a crap.
The management of Sadly, No! is proud to declare itself the official winner of this weekend’s Ukrainian presidential election. We call on our opponents to concede for the good of the country.
Danke.
According to CNN and the FBI:
In other news, FBI: Bank robbers “in it for the money.”
(Thanks to pinki for the link and the joke.)
Picking up the leftovers from World O’Crap, we take a look at Hugh Hewitt’s column to identify the five “best” conservative writers to replace William Safire at the New York Times. While we’re happy to look at Hugh’s 5 candidates, we’ve prepared a slightly different version of the case for (or against) each.
The management just returned home after a weekend spent moving our furniture to Hamburg. (We’ll follow next week.) If you’ll allow us to get some sleep, we promise to start snarking it up tomorrow, just like in the good old days (i.e. last week.)
Merci.
Sadly, there’s also a time when one needs snark like one needs a hole in the head. This is one of those times:
My friend Sunny Perkins died this week from severe injuries sustained in an automobile accident far too horrible for me to describe. She was an artist. She was a dancer. She was unbelievably beautiful. She was warm and she was caring and she gave without asking anything in return. She was 27 years old.
Our condoleances (and heart) go out to Pete M. at The Dark Window and Sunny’s friends and family.
Careful children, George Bush is going to sell you out to the highest bidder. Well, assuming one can trust Joseph Farah that is:
NAFTA had to be approved by a Republican Congress and now it appears that a dangerous initiative dubbed “NAFTA on steroids” may be championed by the Bush administration.
Who has dubbed this initiative “NAFTA on steroids?” Why, it’s Joseph Farah of course!
FROM JOSEPH FARAH’S G2 BULLETIN
Meet NAFTA on steroids
Should you go over there and read the article, you’ll likely be surprised to learn that the legislative branch of the US government is now a “tri-national task force, chaired by former Liberal Party deputy prime minister John Manley,” while the executive is made up of the “Council on Foreign Relations.” Amazing what you learn over at WND.
Bonus Hal Lindsey quote:
One thing is certain: Had these people [the liberal media] reported the invasion of Europe during World War II in this way, we would all be speaking German now.
Editors’ note: Our friend Chuck has been terminated. (See the first comment.)
Hell of sexual pleasures that is:
John Hostettler, the Congressman representing the 8th district of Indiana, has been convinced by local religious groups to introduce legislation in the House that would change the name of an Interstate 69 extension to a more moral sounding number.
There are plans to extend the interstate from Indianapolis through southwestern Indiana all the way through Texas into Mexico in the coming years. While most believe this highway will be good for the state’s economy, religious conservatives believe “I-69″ sounds too risqu? and want to change the interstate’s number.
Hostettler, a proponent of the interstate extension, agrees. “Every time I have been out in the public with an ‘I-69′ button on my lapel, teenagers point and snicker at it. I have had many ask me if they can have my button. I believe it is time to change the name of the highway. It is the moral thing to do.” [Emphasis added, lack of sex life in the original.]
Got any suggestions for the highway? Leave them in the comments, and we promise to send them to Congressman Hustler Hostettler.
Thanks to Chuck for the link.
PS: This guy (not Chuck, the Congressman guy) wears highway buttons???
If you thought someone had sucked at their old job, why would you want to see them promoted to a new one? Let’s ask David Frum:
By shifting Condoleezza Rice to State, the president is gaining a loyalist and an appealing public face [uh, Sadly, No!] for US advocacy in the world. [...] The NSC adviser is a policy coordinator and enforcer ? a job at which Rice has obviously not succeeded.
Obviously!
What does the Wall Street Journal have to say?
If Ms. Rice indeed switches jobs, Mr. Bush needs someone stronger than the current cast at the NSC. One of the problems of the first term isn’t that different parts of the Administration disagreed; that’s inevitable, even healthy. The problem is that the NSC did a poor job of vetting those differences for the President, and an even worse job of coordinating policy decisions down through the deputy ranks.
Do conservatives realize that being Secretary of State involves more than flying around to exotic places to show one’s appealing (as if!) face? Given that Bush is the living embodiment of the Peter Principle, it’s only fair that he manage his administration in the same way.
George Bush’s election seems to have gone straight to Kerry Marsala’s head:
I always look forward to reading Salon.com’s blasting, dogmatic hatred for conservative writers, such as myself. [Emphasis added, delusions of grandeur in the original.]
Guess it was with Kerry in mind that Salon once published this:
A lifelong journal keeper, I ooze confidence on paper. I write concise verse concerning dreams to save the world and woo girls with kisses, pruned roses, and a nice chicken marsala.
Kerry love, the only place anyone pays any attention to you is on third-rate, profanity-filled, terrorist-loving blogs.
These robotic, socialistic snoots love to post their hate filled site with derogatory remarks, foul language and hate mongering for those who don?t agree with them.
Once, just once, we wish someone would explain irony to a wingnut. Can’t someone else do it?
What I really enjoy reading though are their letters of hatred for me and for others who think like I do. Never are there emails over substantive debate, but only over the so called “lack” of our abilities to live up to their level of knowledge on grammar and punctuation.
When you have to equate proper command of the English language with liberal elitism, you’ve really given up on being able to call yourself a writer. No child left behind? That train has already left the station.
What we lack in style we – like our, President George W. Bush – make up for in our honesty, our unwavering stance in our beliefs and our deep abiding love for our freedoms.
Like the freedom to tell gays they can’t marry, or to tell a woman she can’t have an abortion, or the freedom to chair a house committee even if you’ve been indicted, or the freedom to seek multiple partners for unprotected sex, as well as the freedom to get more back from the federal government than one pays in taxes. Isn’t America great?
The intelligentsia crowd can continue to spit venom of disgust over our inability to be as some of the demagogue entertainers and over our lack of over-rated and over-valued education degrees
We guess that Kerry, like Judson Cox, shan’t be graduating from college any time soon.
Socialism, communism, anarchy and monarchy are not what this country was designed to run on.
This country runs on one thing: twinkies. And Krispy Kreme donuts. This country runs on two things: twinkies, Krispy Kreme donuts, and an almost fanatical devotion to George Bush. Amongst the things this country runs on are such diverse elements as…
America, she isn’t perfect – she’s run by imperfect beings – human beings.
But I don’t want any of that. I’d rather–I’d rather… just… sing!
And pray that there’s intelligent life somewhere up in space
Because there’s bugger all down here on Earth
Bang bang you’re dead, motherfuckers!
Shorter concept inspired by busy, busy, busy, originally launched by Daniel Davies at D-Squared Digest with the original Shorter Steven den Beste.
?20 says President Bush has practiced this look in the mirror:
And this, is Magnum:
U.S. Military Probes Shooting of Iraqi in Falluja
WASHINGTON (Reuters) – The U.S. military has begun an investigation into possible war crimes after a television pool report by NBC showed a Marine shooting dead a wounded and unarmed Iraqi in a Falluja mosque, officials said on Monday. [...]
The pool report by NBC correspondent Kevin Sites said the mosque had been used by insurgents to attack U.S. forces, who stormed it and an adjacent building, killing 10 militants and wounding the five.
Sites said the wounded had been left in the mosque for others to pick up and move to the rear for treatment. No reason was given why that had not happened.
A second group of Marines entered the mosque on Saturday after reports it had been reoccupied. Footage from the embedded television crew showed the five still in the mosque, although several appeared to be already close to death, Sites said.
He said one Marine noticed one of the prisoners was still breathing.
A Marine can be heard saying on the pool footage provided to Reuters Television: “He’s f***ing faking he’s dead. He faking he’s f***ing dead.”
“The Marine then raises his rifle and fires into the man’s head. The pictures are too graphic for us to broadcast,” Sites said.
According to Deutschland Funk, the Marine says “Now he’s really dead” after shooting the man.
Added — From The Independent:
“He’s fucking faking he’s dead. He faking he’s fucking dead,” says the Marine. At that point a clatter of gunfire can be heard as one of the Marines shoots the prisoner. Another voice can then be heard saying: “He’s dead now.”
Surprise!
– U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell has submitted his resignation, a senior administration official tells CNN.
Added: Some of Colin’s greatest hits:
My colleagues, every statement I make today is backed up by sources, solid sources. These are not assertions. What we are giving you are facts and conclusions based on solid intelligence. Numerous human sources tell us that the Iraqis are moving not just documents and hard drives, but weapons of mass destruction, to keep them from being found by inspectors. Most of the launchers and warheads had been hidden in large groves of palm trees and were to be moved every one to four weeks to escape detection. We also have satellite photos that indicate that banned materials have recently been moved from a number of Iraqi weapons of mass destruction facilities. Let me say a word about satellite images before I show a couple. The photos that I am about to show you are sometimes hard for the average person to interpret, hard for me. The painstaking work of photo analysis takes experts with years and years of experience, poring for hours and hours over light tables. The four that are in red squares represent active chemical munitions bunkers.
How painful was it, Colin, when they removed your sense of shame?
