8
Be aware of all Internet traditions
I don’t normally mix in my work with my blog life, but this slideshow is fairly relevant to a lot of the insider Internets humor that we at Sadly, No! deploy on a daily basis. So if you’ve ever felt confused by the litany of LOLCats, 1337 and nerdy video game references that have plagued this blog from the outset, feel free to use this as a reference. As I write in the introduction:
A concise history of silly Internet traditions
Let’s face it: the Internet can be a strange and intimidating place. After all, it only takes one foolish click on a dodgy link embedded within a spam email, and then BAM! A haxxor is ROFL because he pwn3d you with a Rick Roll and proclaims that all your base are belong to us. And despite the fact that you have no idea what the heck just happened to you, you do feel vaguely annoyed that you’re suddenly humming “Never Gonna Give You Up” against your will.
Enjoy!
SpinyNorman said,
July 8, 2008 at 16:39
A person has to get their lulz somehow.
Numa, numa.
Teh gr8 Gah-zoogle said,
July 8, 2008 at 16:46
I am already aware of all Internet traditions.
Jim said,
July 8, 2008 at 16:55
No “Shorter …”?
roy edroso said,
July 8, 2008 at 16:55
Shall we start calling you Dork Media Brad?
For serious, that was very fine. Now I have to step up my game and get something in Consumer Reports.
Legalize said,
July 8, 2008 at 16:56
As one of the most liberal members of this blog, I have forgotten more internet traditions than most others have ever even learned. In fact, never before have internet traditions been analyzed in such detail or with such care.
J— said,
July 8, 2008 at 16:57
I don’t get it.
Shorter Internet said,
July 8, 2008 at 16:59
mikey said,
July 8, 2008 at 17:05
Seems like every time I start feeling like I am aware of MOST internet traditions, along comes something well beyond my understanding. So I either race over to wikipedia, only to discover that it was something silly I really didn’t care about anyway, or I just skim over it and slowly, over the following days or months, become aware by osmosis.
I think I’ll stick to being a spectator.
Oh. And is photoshopping someone with a sammich an internet tradition yet? ‘Cause that would be cool…
mikey
tigrismus said,
July 8, 2008 at 17:10
Oh, man, no badger song? Or peanut-butter jelly time? Banana phone? And the grandfather of the RickRoll, goatse? Ah well, I guess they couldn’t let you use ALL the server space… ;-p
Blue Buddha said,
July 8, 2008 at 17:14
Seriously. Even “Two girls and a cup” was before RickRoll.
Nim, ham hock of liberty said,
July 8, 2008 at 17:16
We need a federal agency to promote total internet tradition awareness among the citizenry.
Nim, ham hock of liberty said,
July 8, 2008 at 17:19
Seems like every time I start feeling like I am aware of MOST internet traditions, along comes something well beyond my understanding. So I either race over to wikipedia, only to discover that it was something silly I really didn’t care about anyway,
Encyclopedia Dramatica is much better for raising tradition awareness, than Wikipedia.
You still need to be careful with your use of the newfound knowledge, however, as proper usage of the traditions in context is what separates the ED-n00bs from the, ah, oldtimers.
tigrismus said,
July 8, 2008 at 17:20
I was always rather fond of this one, too.
Frowny McBeard said,
July 8, 2008 at 17:26
Seriously. S,N! has an ED page but no TOW page.
Advantage: ED.
Snowwy said,
July 8, 2008 at 17:33
You almost got me to click on that last link. Almost.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
July 8, 2008 at 17:44
Thanks for leaving those girls and their cup of goatse.cx off the list.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
July 8, 2008 at 17:45
Whups, tigrismus and Blue Buddha already got those.
MzNicky said,
July 8, 2008 at 18:00
Well, I for one learned something new today. Thank you, Brad. You’re a fine young man.
Jay C. said,
July 8, 2008 at 18:02
Indeed, this is central to my point.
Rufus said,
July 8, 2008 at 18:11
Dear Brad:
Woot!
Sincerely, Rufus
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
July 8, 2008 at 18:12
I’d tell you the next ten songs on my randomized playlist so that you could figure out which Decepticon I am, but I can’t figure out seven more people to tag it with, other than that Nigerian prince.
Scott Stapp said,
July 8, 2008 at 18:12
My videos live on in You Tube. Now that is an internet tradition worth being aware of!
LD said,
July 8, 2008 at 18:18
Can I haz INTERNETS TRADI-SHUUN?!
Big Bag of Dicks said,
July 8, 2008 at 18:21
WTFinterrobang
Cats said,
July 8, 2008 at 18:23
O HAI!!
/A winner is me!
Bubb Rubb said,
July 8, 2008 at 18:23
The whistles go WOOOO!
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
July 8, 2008 at 18:32
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5T5lNVMSQ7w
Arky - Chuthuhlusexual said,
July 8, 2008 at 18:34
I’d forgotten about the dancing fetus thing. Now I’m craving a traditional aborto-smoothie.
Anthony Freemont Ruppert said,
July 8, 2008 at 18:39
The fact is, you’re all bad men. The Heartland doesn’t trust bad men like you. All of you- off to the cornfield.
Righteous Bubba said,
July 8, 2008 at 18:41
I miss the ninjas. They were awesome and would totally chop your head off.
Legalize said,
July 8, 2008 at 18:43
I never get tired of traditions like:
http://kscakes.com/LolCats/Uploads/Saved/god-iz-ded-lol.jpg
mextremist said,
July 8, 2008 at 18:44
one of my favorites is the bel-air. A “Bel-Air” is a 4chan /b/ copypasta meme where someone will start off with a story about some provocative subject (usually incest with your little sister), and right around the climax of said story, will smith happens all over your face.
example of a perfectly executed bel-air:
I have a confession to make
My sister Kelly’s 16, Yesterday my sister left for a friend’s house and my parents were at work. I was walking past my sister’s room and I noticed she left a pair of her panties on the floor by the door. It was a cute little thong, like the tiny ones, and it was just lying there, like she didn’t care. I guess she changed before she left. I don’t know why but I just kind of wanted to have a look. I’ve never kissed any girls, and, well, you know. So I picked them up and I was really nervous, like checking the window all the time in case anyone came back. Well, after a while, my libido just got the best of me, and thinking about this little piece of cloth up her ass and everything… I ended up sniffering her panties, and jacking off with them over my face. The smell and everything just got me so hard, I came like really hard, streams over her carpet and everything. Then I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said “Fresh” and had a dice in the mirror If anything I could say this cab was rare but I thought now forget it, yo home to Bel-Air I pulled up to a house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabby “Yo, home smell you later” Looked at my kingdom I was finally there To settle my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.
robert green said,
July 8, 2008 at 18:59
lesbian or german lady was the first one that really got me. now that was a stupid meme if ever there was one. and there was: it was called engrish.
also, i enjoy on the slideshow the battle between cisco and microsoft for supremacy in work phone voice dailing. i strongly urge the huddled masses to scroll over the cisco add–that guy is vying himself for meme-supremacy.
White Male, Jew of Liberal Fascism said,
July 8, 2008 at 19:01
Re: MSNBC Chris Matthews: “Can Obama now win over the regular folks, white folks…?”
To: hardball@msnbc.com, phil.griffin@nbc.com, steve.capus@nbc.com, letters@msnbc.com
********
Dear Chris Matthews,
I believe you owe your viewers an explanation as exactly what you meant by equating ‘white folks’ with ‘regular folks’.
Would you care to enlighten us? With particular attention to explaining exactly what makes non-white folks so non-regular?
Yours truly,
Name
City
MzNicky said,
July 8, 2008 at 19:08
White Male:
Not to mention, who does he consider among the “already won over”? The various non-regular folks?
Why has this person not been fired about 100 times?
Jennifer said,
July 8, 2008 at 19:11
I made up a couple of internet traditions, but now they’re out of style.
You damn kids get off my lawn!!
White Male, Jew of Liberal Fascism said,
July 8, 2008 at 19:16
Why has this person not been fired about 100 times?
Because we just roll our eyes at his latest outrage instead of raising hell.
Please, just copy and paste my letter into a quick e-mail and let’s see if we can get this racist asshole fired.
teegee said,
July 8, 2008 at 19:25
We like the moon …
justme said,
July 8, 2008 at 19:27
Oh, God. Somebody stop the Pantload before he finds another keyboard.
DJShay said,
July 8, 2008 at 19:30
Oh Please unload in the lastest Pantload screed:
http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/la-oe-goldberg8-2008jul08,0,368008.column
Volunteerism = Forced Servitude
“There’s a weird irony at work when Sen. Barack Obama, the black presidential candidate who will allegedly scrub the stain of racism from the nation, vows to run afoul of the constitutional amendment that abolished slavery.
For those who don’t remember, the 13th Amendment says: “Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime … shall exist within the United States.”
dim-witted badger said,
July 8, 2008 at 19:33
fucking pelicans
Blue Buddha said,
July 8, 2008 at 19:34
Didn’t some other wingnut pundit recently bash Obama’s call for increasing public service as “serfdom”?
Righteous Bubba said,
July 8, 2008 at 19:35
This from JG is pretty crazy:
FlipYrWhig said,
July 8, 2008 at 19:37
Young people are weird.
Blue Buddha said,
July 8, 2008 at 19:42
Well, it does fit in with his “liberal fascism” screed in that FDR called for national service to get us out of a depression.
But to say national/public service isn’t an American tradition is sooooo laughable. I can think of a gazillion and one instances of volunteerism throughout American history:
– Um, the Minutemen and pretty much all militia. What does JG recommend wrecking that all sacred 2nd Amendment?
– Volunteer firemen and citizen patrols.
– FDR’s New Deal
– War Bonds, metal/rubber drives, food/gas rations, Victory Gardens, Rosie the Riveter and other such things that helped us win WWII.
– “Faith based initiatives”. Sure, a lot of it has a hidden religious agenda, but those churches are still volunteering to help to communities.
javafascist said,
July 8, 2008 at 19:50
It’s hardly surprising that the Pantload would be using everything in his mighty arsenal of Stupid to fight against the idea of work. He KNOWS people, after all. Why should he have to work? That’s slavery and the (Black) Man is just keeping him down, as always.
bago said,
July 8, 2008 at 19:52
Volunteer Slavery, the title of his next book?
aw said,
July 8, 2008 at 19:54
Brad,
Your article doesn’t contain information about all internet traditions. You missed some out. Please fix it.
jim said,
July 8, 2008 at 20:07
The Peace Corps: the Waffen-SS of Liberal Fascism!
When they came for Enron, I did not protest, for I owned no Enron stock …
When they came for Fannie Mae, I did not protest, for I had no assets invested in Fannie Mae …
When they came for Bear-Stearnes, I did not protest, for I had no Bear-Stearnes certificates either …
No, actually, I was quite pleased, all 3 times … until I read about the size & source of their bailouts.
In b4 “series of tubes” …
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
July 8, 2008 at 20:09
PENIS
D.N. Nation said,
July 8, 2008 at 20:24
Um, no. No it doesn’t. Then again, I’m not a pudgy halfwit who is assured via wingnut welfare of never having to create anything worthwhile for the rest of his life.
There are times when I can see where Jonah is going. Sure, it’s whiny, intellectually lazy pap, but the man does have the ability to form semi-coherent arguments.
And then there’s nonsense like this. Dude, Jonah, you’re just being silly. Which is sorta the point- whenever this guy gets backed into a corner, he can always throw up the LULZ JUST KIDDIN! front. Tee hee, national service is like slavery, and Obama’s black! How oh-so-amusing! Except, see, it’s just…fucking boring.
D.N. Nation said,
July 8, 2008 at 20:35
And also torpedoes his cause whenever he’s trying to be serious, like here.
Okay, sure, Jonah. Being an actual southerner, I’m with you here.
But when it comes from the pen of the same dork who preens around calling liberals fascists!!!, well…
J— said,
July 8, 2008 at 20:36
Last week Goldberg cited approvingly a blog post that called Obama’s service proposal serfdom. Today in the LA Times he intimates it may be involuntary servitude. Which one is it? This is an important debate.
billy pilgrim said,
July 8, 2008 at 20:43
nice job, you couldn’t hit every stupid time wasting thing the intertoobz has spawned.
But I would think Rule 34 deserves a mention.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
July 8, 2008 at 21:13
Well, here’s a link to what Obama’s actually proposing.
But instead of talking about the all-slave army, I’d like to ask whether or not Jonah thinks people who volunteer at their local churches are slaves.
You see, Jonah’s point is that by use of tax moneys, Obama would make subsidize educational entities that required service. This is totally different from tax breaks provided to religious institutions that get free labor from parishoners - only, no it isn’t, since those religious institutions are designated non-profit charitable organizations.
jeffreyw said,
July 8, 2008 at 21:14
and a pony
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
July 8, 2008 at 21:16
Whoooo, that last sentence is a doozy. I gotta stop trying to write like Grabar, shining in the sun with a stream of
urineconsciousness run-on blathering that goes nowhere and nowhere.Duros Hussein 62 said,
July 8, 2008 at 21:20
Frist!
Susan of Texas said,
July 8, 2008 at 21:24
I thought public service was supposed to replace government assistance? Or does the Faith-Based Initiative encourage the slave mentality?
You know he doesn’t believe half this crap because he has to hem and haw around the rancid stupidity of his remarks.I say we sell Jonah into prostitution in Thailand. He’s already a whore, might as well make an honest man out of him.
MzNicky said,
July 8, 2008 at 21:28
Please, just copy and paste my letter into a quick e-mail and let’s see if we can get this racist asshole
Well sure, okay, and good luck with that, cuz all the emails in the world couldn’t dislodge his stupid sexist ass.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
July 8, 2008 at 21:32
And Pantload’s reference for charities/volunteerism/etc.? Arthur C. Brooks from the AEI. Here’s an article talking about Brooks.
and
So, yeah - real strong reference there Jonah.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
July 8, 2008 at 21:37
Reading Jonah’s op-ed’s gives us a glimmer as to why he thought that his book was a very serious, thoughtful, argument that has never been made in such detail or with such care.
MzNicky said,
July 8, 2008 at 21:49
What on god’s green earth would Doughload know about “volunteerism” or “service”? Or “work,” for that matter?
AnB said,
July 8, 2008 at 21:56
rickroll MES??!?
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
July 8, 2008 at 21:59
A tradition as old as the intertrons itself Duke Nukem Forever.
fadegeophile said,
July 8, 2008 at 22:04
Good work, but it seems you left out about 75 of the Traditions.
RodeoBob said,
July 8, 2008 at 23:10
Yeah, I’m glad that goatse.cx and tubgirl and 2girsl1cup got left off the list.
OTOH, “series of tubes”, “internets“, and of course “Shorter…” should have been on the list. Along with a reference to “Star Wars: Backslash of the West”. (source of DO NOT WANT!)
Kathleen said,
July 8, 2008 at 23:31
I got an awesome African savings account email recently, where the hook was that the woman was a converted Christian and she didn’t want her heathen relatives to inherit her dead husband’s cash, so she needed a good church goer - like me! - to get the cash to America.
It was awesome. It really made me wonder who it would hook.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
July 9, 2008 at 1:22
I have stapled all your internet traditions
freepatriot said,
July 9, 2008 at 1:24
nobody expects the spanish inquisition
did they mention that
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
July 9, 2008 at 3:02
Brad forgot bunny, and made him cry.
owlbear1 said,
July 9, 2008 at 4:16
You know you keep talking about it like that and the Internet is gonna break.
Just watch…
Clint said,
July 9, 2008 at 4:41
Data is. Why aren’t you?
Craig said,
July 9, 2008 at 5:35
I don’t know if there even _is_ an Internet culture anymore. It’s just a part of mainstream life. alt.swedish.chef.bork.bork.bork–_that_ is an Internet tradition! So is the Jargon File…and costing the net hundred (if not thousands!) of dollars to post every message…but who even gives a damn about that stuff anymore?
Snorghagen said,
July 9, 2008 at 5:40
I just learned who Ellen Feiss is.
Every day my knowledge grows.
stenz said,
July 9, 2008 at 5:45
Your traditions killed my FF session.
Damn Slide #2 links…
George Johnston said,
July 9, 2008 at 6:22
teh Google killed my favorite internets tradition - the most relevant page for “miserable failure”
justme said,
July 9, 2008 at 9:26
George,
At least santorum is still at the top of the charts.
justme said,
July 9, 2008 at 9:33
Craig,
Oh for the days when alt.adjective.noun.verb.verb.verb wasn’t just a spamhole.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
July 9, 2008 at 15:03
We still have the shrieking harpy, as well.
pedestrian said,
July 9, 2008 at 15:17
I got an awesome African savings account email recently…
It really made me wonder who it would hook.
Back in 2000 I was working at a coffee shop in the whitey white suburbs outside of Pittsburgh. Several of my regular customers were Christian Ladies (read: Republican housewives) who spent the day sipping lattes and working on their “correspondence” (read: didn’t have shit to do.)
But all was not well in paradise. Christian militia groups carried out massacres in Sulawesi that year, cutting off our supply of that variety of coffee. Worse, that was the very favorite coffee of several of the Christian Ladies, who openly wondered if they could drink anything else. When I explained the situation, they determined to raise money in their churches to help the Christians in Sulawesi and restore peace.
“But… the Christians are the ones carrying out the massacres.” I gently repeated. “Oh, don’t trust what they tell you in the liberal media,” they rejoined, mustering their checkbooks for the spiritual battle ahead. If I only had their addresses, I’m sure they would be very interested in that email.
roac said,
July 9, 2008 at 16:40
I can haz walrus, pls?
SamFromUtah said,
July 9, 2008 at 16:54
Oh for the days when alt.adjective.noun.verb.verb.verb wasn’t just a spamhole.
I haven’t looked at Usenet since the 20th century. Is there anything on there anymore - especially in the alt hierarchy - other than spam?
MzNicky said,
July 9, 2008 at 18:31
Hey! How about that serious little hamster on that boat that turned around and gave off a significant look while dramatic music played? Remember, remember that? That was awesome.
pedestrian said,
July 9, 2008 at 20:10
What ever happened to sparkle sweater lady? Or the frog blender? Or the gasping panda? VH1 should do a “Where are they Now?” series for old internet traditions because that would be… just the saddest thing ever.
Shannon said,
July 10, 2008 at 4:54
This was helpful. Thank you.
Realist said,
July 10, 2008 at 18:00
I say we sell Jonah into prostitution in Thailand.
You really think anybody’s desperate enough to pay for sex with JONAH?
Realist said,
July 10, 2008 at 18:03
A haxxor is ROFL because he pwn3d you with a Rick Roll
So all it takes to qualify as a hacker these days is getting someone to click on a stupid YouTube link? How the mighty have fallen.
Righteous Bubba said,
July 10, 2008 at 18:09
So all it takes to qualify as a hacker these days is getting someone to click on a stupid YouTube link?
He gained access to your machine and now ALL LINKS ARE RICKROLLS!.
Righteous Bubba said,
July 10, 2008 at 18:10
Period!.
really? said,
July 10, 2008 at 21:40
Was this inspired by the 4chan article in the WSJ?
Anyway, ‘a cat is fine too’ is one of the best.
Astrobastard said,
July 13, 2008 at 0:43
If the internet was as widespread in 1984 as it is today, we’d still be saying “where’s the beef”. Lemme know when this “idiot manchild” phase of comedy ends.
John Dickerson said,
July 14, 2008 at 0:16
People who live in glass houses shouldn’t get stoned!
John Dickerson said,
July 14, 2008 at 0:19
I meant: People who live in glass houses shouldn’t be stoned!
John Dickerson said,
July 14, 2008 at 0:27
I’m sorry…Philip Johnson is entitled to do whatever he wants.
Robert Waldmann said,
July 21, 2008 at 18:22
Shorter Haiku
Be aware of all
internet traditions
understand “shorter”