Jul
5

Love Letters




Posted at 21:53 by Tintin

Love Letters

K-Lo, who allegedly edits America’s Shittiest Website™, has a little sugar for her beloved:

Wouldn’t George W. Bush make an awesome high-school government teacher?

Well, dude, I don’t think he’d be an awesome or even a bitchin’ high-school government teacher, although he’d probably be better at that than he has been as President.

Wouldn’t it be something if his post-presidential life would up being that kind of post-service service?

Wouldn’t it be something if K-Lo actually read and corrected what she wrote?

Who needs Harvard visiting chairs and high-end lectures? How about Crawford High? (Or wherever?)

Please, someone, think of the children. (The Harvard undergrads can probably protect themselves.)

Reach out and touch the young before they are jaded, or break them of the cynicism pop culture and possibly their parents have passed down to them.

Sure, great idea. Mr. Twenty-Nine Percent is just the guy to break high-school kids of cynicism.

Whatever you think of President Bush, he’s a likable guy in love with his country with some history and experience to share.

He could share his theories of the unitary executive, the best “enhanced interrogation techniques,” and preferred methods for shredding the Bill of Rights into tiny little pieces. I have a better idea for his “post-service service.” He should just disappear to Crawford and STFU. Other suggestions for his “post-service service” are welcome in the comments.

209 Comments »

  1. mextremist said,

    July 5, 2008 at 21:59

    He could, i dunno, tonguejack my shitbox?

  2. Bruce said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:02

    Life in prison without possibility of parole?

  3. George Johnston said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:03

    I believe he should be busy at The Hague defending himself against war criminal charges.

  4. billy pilgrim said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:13

    He could join Jesse Helms….

    o yes I went there.

  5. SomeNYGuy said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:13

    Oh my God — that photo! Poor Rosie O’Donnell has really let herself go!

  6. NobodySpecial said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:13

    I vote for ‘making big rocks into smaller ones.’

  7. Susan of Texas said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:13

    He can serve by picking up body parts in Iraq. He’ll be there a while.

  8. Gundamhead said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:15

    “Whatever you think of President Bush, he’s a likable guy in love with his country with some history and experience to share.”

    No. No, I don’t think so.

    As for “post service service” I don’t care as long as he’s no longer in a position to do any more harm, and I don’t have to look at him or hear him or know anything about him..

  9. Mr. Wonderful said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:16

    Is that what K thinks W’s been doing? “Service”? Or maybe she means it in the sense that a concubine “services” her master. And even *then* she’s wrong.

    K, dear, when we say “Bush has fucked America,” we don’t mean that it was consensual.

  10. Candy said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:18

    He should head down to Crawford and take up drinking and brush cutting as a full-time occupation. Alcohol, chain saw, stupidity. S’long Shrub.

  11. Hemlock for Gadflies said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:18

    I would like to see Mr. Bush’s “post-service service” limited to his being a bad memory, soon forgotten.

  12. MajorKong said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:20

    How about changing bedpans at Walter Reed for the rest of his life?

  13. Mr. Wonderful said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:20

    “I don’t have to look at him or hear him or know anything about him..”

    Gundam, I’d agree, but I want to hear:

    1. that he’s resumed drinking, or at least resumed letting people see him drinking;
    2. that he’s filed for divorce, or, better, that Laura has
    3. that “his religious ardor seems to have cooled somewhat”
    4. etc.

  14. Alex said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:21

    He could join Jesse Helms….

    I was going to say he could join Jesse Helms getting sodomized in hell by Roy Cohn, but that might piss off some right winger.

  15. Smiling Mortician said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:24

    I don’t think he’d be an awesome or even a bitchin’ high-school government teacher, although he’d probably be better at that than he has been as President.
    I respectfully disagree. Unless, of course, by “better at that” you mean “wouldn’t kill nearly as many people,” in which case carry on.

  16. interloper said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:24

    Long walk.

    Short pier.

  17. triozyg said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:30

    Unfortunately, he can’t just fade away like a bad memory, something has to happen (Hague) so other preznits in the future will think twice.

  18. bob said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:33

    W T F????????????????????? is that idiot talking about?

  19. MzNicky said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:35

    mextremist speaks for me, as I’m still chortling helplessly.

  20. Halcyon said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:35

    Lose his personal fortune financing Red Dawn 2: The Misunderestimated Threat

  21. Ed said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:36

    He could become a Middle East peace negotiator! Well, if his BFF Tony can do it, why can’t he?

  22. MzNicky said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:41

    Okay, I’ve got a high school where he could “teach.” It’s full of kids who got left behind by No Child Left Behind. Perhaps, unlike one of the actual teachers I know there, Chimpy’d get lucky and duck in time before a desk gets hurled at him. Gee, I hope not.

  23. Tim O said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:47

    Clif,

    I’m not sure that you need to trademark “America’s shittiest Website”. I mean I don’t think anyone on this planet , or in this galaxy for that matter, could out shit KLo.

    I’d like to see Stephen Hawking attempt the calculations, but I think I’m safe in proposing that theory.

  24. Gary Ruppert said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:49

    The fact is, um, the Hague?

  25. FlipYrWhig said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:53

    Correlation is not the same as causation, but there’s kind of a bad association between Bush spending time in a school and, you know, massive world-altering catastrophe.

  26. Nix said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:53

    The Hague would be a great place to see him and Dick.

  27. tigrismus said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:55

    Next up, “Why Shakir still can’t read but has become a little drunken, brush-cutting, waterboarding tin-Hitler”

  28. Uncle Mike said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:56

    I don’t think Bush would survive the typical high school teacher’s schedule: physically at work from 7:00am to 4:00pm M~F, engaging in informative discussions for up to 45 minutes at a time, and only getting 75 vacation days a year.

  29. J— said,

    July 5, 2008 at 22:59

    Wouldn’t John Yoo make an awesome law professor?

    Wouldn’t Donald Rumsfeld make an awesome Hoover Institution fellow?

  30. Cpl. Cam said,

    July 5, 2008 at 23:00

    I can’t be the only person thinking GW should be serving out his post-service service in Levenworth, can I?

  31. Emperor U.S.A. (the naked truth) said,

    July 5, 2008 at 23:09

    Poor Rosie O’Donnell has really let herself go!

    Naw, that’s Corey Feldman with longer hair.

  32. SamFromUtah said,

    July 5, 2008 at 23:12

    Wouldn’t it be something if his post-presidential life would up being that kind of post-service service?

    Who edits the editors? Clearly, nobody does. I had an ex-nun English teacher in high school who would have had me flogged for writing that sentence.

  33. Dean Booth said,

    July 5, 2008 at 23:13

    GB’s government class, day 3.

  34. cleter said,

    July 5, 2008 at 23:13

    Wouldn’t Jefferson Davis make a great African-American Studies professor? Wouldn’t Hitler be great at teaching Hebrew? Wouldn’t Idi Amin be a great middle-school soccer coach?

  35. luneylegume said,

    July 5, 2008 at 23:24

    They took Robert E Lee’s property and gave it to the dead .
    Perhaps there is something in that

  36. Nylund said,

    July 5, 2008 at 23:35

    I nominate GWB to pilot the first manned mission to Mars. He can even wear his fighter pilot codpiece suit. Let him be the first to go there and lets encourage him to stay there once he arrives. He can even put up a giant “mission accomplished” banner once he gets there.

  37. Five of Diamonds said,

    July 5, 2008 at 23:42

    post-service service

    Pounding out license plates for life in the Hague?

  38. alec said,

    July 5, 2008 at 23:43

    I have this recurring fantasy where I’m the governor of some large state and I call a press conference, dressed up for all the world like I’m attempting to usurp George Clinton’s funkadelic office, the background some kind of forgettable modern party rap. (It’s usually ‘Hey Ya’, which if nothing else works for this.) I tell the assembled press that the great state of X has decided to extradite the brutal dictator Bush fils and several figures from his regime. (They think they’ve been invited to play golf or whatever the fuck it is Whitey does these days.)

    I’ve got a guy in the audience (never say I’m afraid to learn from my enemies, people) and we do word-for-word the climactic scene of Watchmen.

    If some fucker guns me down at that moment, my life is perfect.

    Hinckley was a fucking amateur, and don’t even get me started on the Helmsman. Power grows from the barrel of a gun my ass!

  39. Anne Laurie said,

    July 5, 2008 at 23:43

    Wouldn’t it be something if his post-presidential life would up being that kind of post-service service?

    Having assimilated the idea that the C-Plus Augustus is going to end up on trial at the Hague, his loyal Twenty-Eight-and-Falling-Percenters are ginning up arguments in favor of community service over actual prison time. I’d agree that a few decades in some post-NCLB inner-urban high school would be a worse punishment for a lazy fratboy thug like Dubya than mere prison time, except why punish those poor students any further?

  40. Five of Diamonds said,

    July 5, 2008 at 23:45

    post-service service

    Burying the dead in Iraq?

  41. Desi SF said,

    July 5, 2008 at 23:46

    Gee Dub could come out here to San Francisco and help run the Oceanside Wastewater Treatment Facility, soon to hopefully be named, the George W. Bush Memorial Sewage Plant: http://sfist.com/2008/03/31/presidential_me_1.php

    Come to think of it, the Oceanside poop factory could do double doody as GW’s Presidential Library.

  42. Kathleen said,

    July 5, 2008 at 23:47

    why does K-Lo think the parents in Crawford TX have instilled cynicism in their children? hmmmmm

  43. Anne Laurie said,

    July 5, 2008 at 23:49

    I nominate GWB to pilot the first manned mission to Mars…

    Do you *want* the Martians to attack us, Nylund?

    Don’t we progressives argue that the human race needs to get over its primate-climber-brain fantasy that we can make our garbage disappear by sending it “away”, i.e., dropping it out of our metaphorical tree?

  44. Blue Buddha said,

    July 5, 2008 at 23:56

    While I would like to see Bush become one the many things people suggested above, I know what will happen: he’ll get a nice cushy job as a pundit for Fox News or the LA Times. Hell, maybe his columns will start appearing at The World’s Shittiest Website™.

  45. Blue Buddha said,

    July 5, 2008 at 23:59

    Kathleen said,

    July 5, 2008 at 23:47

    why does K-Lo think the parents in Crawford TX have instilled cynicism in their children? hmmmmm

    Because the NEA is forcing the Homosexual Agenda down the throats of every public school student…? [/snark]

  46. J— said,

    July 6, 2008 at 0:06

    While I would like to see Bush become one the many things people suggested above, I know what will happen: he’ll get a nice cushy job as a pundit for Fox News or the LA Times. Hell, maybe his columns will start appearing at The World’s Shittiest Website™.

    And he’ll probably join the board of Jeb!’s ethanol group. And a bunch of other boards.

  47. Dan Someone said,

    July 6, 2008 at 0:19

    I’m predicting a sinecure at Halliburton or ExxonMobil.

    But I would really like to see him living out of a refrigerator box behind a 7-11 in Crawford.

  48. PATRIOTIC USA POWER said,

    July 6, 2008 at 0:23

    You have no repsect for our great leader. Neither does Obama. You do not deserve to live in America. Please fuck off.

  49. Senator Ted said,

    July 6, 2008 at 0:31

    Dear KJL –

    Service (noun) = an act of helpful activity; help; aid: to do someone a service.

    In order for Mr. Bush to perform “post-service service” he actually has to complete the first service. I’m tying to figure out where he’s been helpful in the past…

  50. Percyprune said,

    July 6, 2008 at 0:32

    Patriotic USA Power, enforcing orthodoxy at the muzzle of a gun, one liberal at a a time.

  51. mikey said,

    July 6, 2008 at 0:39

    In a 1998 interview, Osama bin Laden — the terrorist organizer of 9/11 who still roams free — listed as one of his many grievances against the U.S. that Americans “have stolen $36 trillion from Muslims” by purchasing oil from Persian Gulf countries at low prices. The real price of a barrel of oil should be $144, bin Laden demanded.

    Congratulations, bush. You’re a fucking hero.

    So far, bin Laden is kicking your ass.

    Never seen ANYBODY who could fuck up as well as you, big guy…

    mikey

  52. J— said,

    July 6, 2008 at 0:41

    PATRIOTIC USA POWER, in order to secure a parody troll position here, you have to challenge one of the established parody trolls for their spot. In the case of Rugged in Montana, the weapon of choice is raccoon penis bones. In the case of the Gary Rupperts, it’s facts. Lots of facts.

  53. Hoosier X said,

    July 6, 2008 at 0:44

    This is must be joke.

  54. Lesley said,

    July 6, 2008 at 0:47

    Wouldn’t it be something if his post-presidential life would up being that kind of post-service service?

    awesome sentence K-Lo, but I wouldn’t hire Bush to deliver mail. He’s that bad.

  55. J— said,

    July 6, 2008 at 0:51

    You know, if parents who have raised kids from Reagan’s presidency on haven’t passed cynicism down to them, they’re not doing their job.

  56. Blue Buddha said,

    July 6, 2008 at 0:53

    In a 1998 interview, Osama bin Laden — the terrorist organizer of 9/11 who still roams free — listed as one of his many grievances against the U.S. that Americans “have stolen $36 trillion from Muslims” by purchasing oil from Persian Gulf countries at low prices. The real price of a barrel of oil should be $144, bin Laden demanded.

    If this isn’t proof that the terrorists won, I don’t know what is.

  57. stryx said,

    July 6, 2008 at 0:58

    I like the idea of Bush making gravel at Fort Leavenworth (yo Bush! What set you claimin’?) or rebuilding New Orleans housing with hand tools.

    Instead he’ll probably get some cash from the bin Ladens or the Saudis again and go into ‘business’, maybe jacking banks or selling ‘educational software’ with Neil.

    I tried to come up with some job for him to do in some shitty neighborhood in Houston, but it’s all just fun and games until someone puts an eye out.

  58. g said,

    July 6, 2008 at 1:00

    Reach out and touch the young before they are jaded, or break them of the cynicism pop culture and possibly their parents have passed down to them.

    Oh, sure. Let’s just imagine if George Bush decided to be a high school teacher after his time in office…..

    He’d be a coach of something…baseball, maybe. And he’d be the guy who bought alcohol for the star athletes. In exchange for pot, roofies, and coke, that they could score for him. He’d be the guy who’d have parties in his motel room after those “away” games, and mysteriously, all his star students would get 4.0′s even if their other teachers disagreed. Eventually there’d be a scandal when it was revealed that over several years he’d been inappropriately touching his students.

  59. cowalker said,

    July 6, 2008 at 1:00

    He needs to live on these and scotch. Until nature takes its course.

  60. "Oh Stewardess, I Speak 'Nut" said,

    July 6, 2008 at 1:05

    “If this isn’t proof that the terrorists won, I don’t know what is.”

    Just to clarify, when you say “terrorists” do you mean al-Kaiyeeda, or the oil companies?

  61. plus C said,

    July 6, 2008 at 1:09

    I think he might retire to a home in Iraq, since there’s nothing but good news coming from there, or so he told me.

    Also, the other kids won’t make fun of him for peeing in the sandbox anymore, because c’mon, that’s one big sandbox.

  62. "Oh Stewardess, I Speak 'Nut" said,

    July 6, 2008 at 1:12

    I think high school might be setting the bar too high. Personally, I could envision Junior reading children’s stories to 1st-graders, but then, as FlipYrWhig pointed out, the last time that happened things ended badly.
    For the goat and for us.

  63. Hoosier X said,

    July 6, 2008 at 1:24

    Mock all you want. George W. Bush as a high school teacher sounds much preferable to Kathryn Lopez as same.

    And in modern-day America, all our REAL choices are like this.

  64. Hoosier X said,

    July 6, 2008 at 1:25

    I’m learning the words to ‘O Canada.’

  65. "Oh Stewardess, I Speak 'Nut" said,

    July 6, 2008 at 1:28

    He can serve by picking up body parts in Iraq. He’ll be there a while.

    How about changing bedpans at Walter Reed for the rest of his life?

    Those are excellent suggestions, but I think we’re forgetting that only Democrat [sic] presidents typically believe in public service. I can’t think of a damn thing Nixon, Ford, Reagan, or Bush Sr. did after leaving office.

    I take that back. Bush Sr. did join Bill Clinton in the post-tsunami relief effort a few years back. But I suspect that was only because he was already so mortified by his son’s failures that even he was moved to feel the need to finally do something for someone (unconnected to Big Oil).

  66. g said,

    July 6, 2008 at 1:39

    I can’t think of a damn thing Nixon, Ford, Reagan, or Bush Sr. did after leaving office.

    To be fair, Reagan was already a drooling vegetable by that time.

  67. Hoosier X said,

    July 6, 2008 at 1:48

    Being a drooling vegetable does NOT disqualify any Republican from being the party’s candidate for the nation’s highest office.

    Look at how well John McCain is doing.

    Um. Bad example?

    (And probably not politically correct enough for modern conservatives with their newly discovered political sensitivities. Calm down. Don’t get your adult diapers in a twist. It’s just a joke. (You wish.))

  68. Susan of Texas said,

    July 6, 2008 at 1:50

    In a just world K-Lo would be teaching third grade at Our Lady of the Perpetual Grievance. Badly.

  69. MzNicky said,

    July 6, 2008 at 1:51

    I’d agree that a few decades in some post-NCLB inner-urban high school would be a worse punishment for a lazy fratboy thug like Dubya than mere prison time, except why punish those poor students any further let those kids have all the fun?

    Catharsis?

  70. Michael said,

    July 6, 2008 at 1:52

    I believe Mr. Bogg had a capital suggestion for some of the president’s fans and co-workers that would work just fine with Bush’s post-coital career.

  71. MzNicky said,

    July 6, 2008 at 1:56

    he’ll get a nice cushy job as a pundit for Fox News or the LA Times. Hell, maybe his columns will start appearing at The World’s Shittiest Website™.

    Even those gigs would require a bare minimum of like showing up and doing stuff.

    I envision the dauphin slouching off to Crawford, or Rhiyadh, and finally drinking himself to death. Then again, that would require a modicum of self-examination, so probably no.

  72. MzNicky said,

    July 6, 2008 at 2:02

    “Drooling vegetable” sounds like an appropriate way for El Chimpy to end his days. I hope it happens soon.

  73. DrDick said,

    July 6, 2008 at 2:27

    K-Lo seriously needs to stop snorting Cheetos dust and huffing Aqua Velva. It is a nasty combination and this will not end well. Maybe her “friends” at NRO can arrange an intervention (I mean they seem really into this whole intervention thing you know).

  74. Lesley said,

    July 6, 2008 at 2:29

    A fitting end to Bush’s life would be to get hit between the eyes with a golfball, preferably one with dog poop on it.

  75. Lesley said,

    July 6, 2008 at 2:33

    I’d like to sneak K-Lo into a Muir cartoon, bending over backwards in a thong. With any luck, this might end Muir’s career and K-Lo would never write in public again.

  76. hgc said,

    July 6, 2008 at 2:35

    Bush’s new job: K-Lo’s enema.

  77. alec said,

    July 6, 2008 at 2:36

    I envision the dauphin slouching off to Crawford, or Rhiyadh, and finally drinking himself to death. Then again, that would require a modicum of self-examination, so probably no.

    Thank you for using the phrase ‘the dauphin’, which I’m going to be giggling at all day. It captures the ridiculousness of the man and his constituency better than I’ve ever managed to; there is really no other historical character you can compare them to, unless there was some specific leader behind the Children’s Crusade.

  78. Candy said,

    July 6, 2008 at 2:44

    To be fair, Reagan was already a drooling vegetable by that time.

    I remember watching an absolutely terrific PBS series on the White House where they interviewed all the living presidents about their time in the big house. Reagan went on at some length about gazing through the windows of the Oval Office at the squirrels at play. It would have been almost endearing if it had been anyone other than that rotten old man, and if I hadn’t gotten this very creepy feeling that watching squirrels from the window was indeed all that he was doing toward the end, a senile old man with his finger on the nuclear button.

    Later, when I was watching Office Space and Milton said, “I could see the squirrels, and they were merry,” I instantly thought of ol’ Rotten Ronny, eating Jelly Belly’s and watching the squirrels, while covert ops were acted out in the belly of the big old building and the groundwork was being laid for the destruction of our republic.

    It’s a wonder you can’t hear the very boards screaming in offense at some of the things done there.

  79. Candy said,

    July 6, 2008 at 2:47

    I’d like to sneak K-Lo into a Muir cartoon, bending over backwards in a thong. With any luck, this might end Muir’s career and K-Lo would never write in public again.

    I believe this calls for the mad photoshop skills of one Gavin M.

  80. Erik Pontoppidan said,

    July 6, 2008 at 2:47

    Even I think K-Lo is a fucking idiot.

  81. Matt McMahon said,

    July 6, 2008 at 2:47

    Yeah. That dumbshit sucks.

  82. Gary Ruppert said,

    July 6, 2008 at 2:48

    The fact is, fuck her. The crimes she’s committed against the English language should be avenged posthaste.

  83. Jason Ambrose said,

    July 6, 2008 at 2:49

    You liberals may have made me leave the Democrat Party, but half-witted dead-ending idiots like K-Lo make me want to come back.

  84. SowellFan said,

    July 6, 2008 at 2:49

    The first law of economics says that K-Lo is an illiterate dummy.

  85. Iris said,

    July 6, 2008 at 2:50

    You Obots need to realize that K-Lo certainly doesn’t speak for the Appalachian core of true blue Reagan Democrats, mostly on account of the fact that she can barely speak at all.

  86. Malfunctioning Glenn Reynolds Robot said,

    July 6, 2008 at 2:51

    Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s a gaffe-o-matic. Dude, where’s my recession? Here’s a picture of some random girl. K-Lo’s a moron. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s a gaffe-o-matic. Dude, where’s my recession? Here’s a picture of some random girl. K-Lo’s a moron. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s a gaffe-o-matic. Dude, where’s my recession? Here’s a picture of some random girl. K-Lo’s a moron. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s a gaffe-o-matic. Dude, where’s my recession? Here’s a picture of some random girl. K-Lo’s a moron. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s a gaffe-o-matic. Dude, where’s my recession? Here’s a picture of some random girl. K-Lo’s a moron. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s a gaffe-o-matic. Dude, where’s my recession? Here’s a picture of some random girl. K-Lo’s a moron. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s a gaffe-o-matic. Dude, where’s my recession? Here’s a picture of some random girl. K-Lo’s a moron. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s a gaffe-o-matic. Dude, where’s my recession? Here’s a picture of some random girl. K-Lo’s a moron. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s a gaffe-o-matic. Dude, where’s my recession? Here’s a picture of some random girl. K-Lo’s a moron. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s a gaffe-o-matic. Dude, where’s my recession? Here’s a picture of some random girl. K-Lo’s a moron. Heh. Indeed. We’re winning! Read the whole thing. Obama’s a gaffe-o-matic. Dude, where’s my recession? Here’s a picture of some random girl. K-Lo’s a moron.

  87. Saul said,

    July 6, 2008 at 2:51

    Shalom, gentlemen. K-Load don’t speak for me. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

  88. Melissa McZuzu said,

    July 6, 2008 at 2:53

    Fucking fuck fuck moron dumbshit loser. I’m talking about K-Lo, not you. Also, she’s fat as fuck. Yeah, even I said that.

  89. mikey said,

    July 6, 2008 at 2:56

    Oh Kay.

    That was FUCKIN Funny…

    mikey

  90. Orange Tom said,

    July 6, 2008 at 3:02

    Wouldn’t it be something if his post-presidential life would up being that kind of post-service service?

    I think he should be “hands on” involved in the rebuilding of Baghdad’s sewage system as he’s so practiced in shovelling shit (after work he can use up his pent-up energy by biking around the ruined Shiite neighborhoods…wearing a cowboy hat and an American flag t-shirt… and consoling the widows of Iraqis we’ve tortured to death in our military prisons). As a fiscal conservative, I vote that we do away with his Secret Service protection, for budgetary considerations, ya know?

    America! Fuck yeah!

  91. sarah said,

    July 6, 2008 at 3:05

    parental choice and influence in apparently only important if said parents are conservative; if not, they need the school system to intervene and teach their children correctly.

  92. Me said,

    July 6, 2008 at 3:05

    Mextremist won the thread with the very first comment.

    As for my suggestion: make him Chairman of the Republican National Committee.

  93. mikey said,

    July 6, 2008 at 3:09

    Waitaminute.

    These things are contests?

    What do you win?

    Beijing Olympics?

    mikey

  94. Tehanu said,

    July 6, 2008 at 3:12

    PATRIOTIC USA POWER said,

    July 6, 2008 at 0:23

    You have no repsect [sic] for our great leader.

    Hey, PU-SAP, that sounded much more impressive in the original German.

  95. Lesley said,

    July 6, 2008 at 3:13

    Gary Ruppert said,

    July 6, 2008 at 2:48

    The fact is, fuck her.

    Is Gary issuing an order?

  96. Lesley said,

    July 6, 2008 at 3:21

    It’s really hard not to resort to sexist smears when it comes to the likes of K-Lo. That said, she strikes me as a lonely Judith Hearne, desperate to please somebody in authority. She’s so easy to mock.

    You’d have to be desperate to describe George as your ultimate teacher crush. Gad, grow up K-Lo. You are much too old to be gushing like a teenage ignoramus. And your taste in men is appalling. Get some serious help.

  97. Blue Buddha said,

    July 6, 2008 at 3:22

    “Oh Stewardess, I Speak ‘Nut” said,

    July 6, 2008 at 1:05

    “If this isn’t proof that the terrorists won, I don’t know what is.”

    Just to clarify, when you say “terrorists” do you mean al-Kaiyeeda, or the oil companies?

    Both.

  98. mikey said,

    July 6, 2008 at 3:27

    …And everybody gets a share….

    –Milo Minderbinder

  99. Monkay said,

    July 6, 2008 at 3:27

    There is going to be a demand for a fall-guy, but Dubya is over-qualified probably.

  100. Rightwingsnarkle said,

    July 6, 2008 at 3:34

    He should just disappear to Crawford and STFU.

    I bet he sneaks off to Paraguay, because they won’t extradite.

    Or, as Dr. Krakower, the psychiatrist to whom Carmella has been referred by Dr. Melfi, tells her in one of the most riveting scenes in any episode of the Sopranos: if George Bush turns himself in, reads Crime and Punishment, and “reflect[s] on his crimes every day for seven years in his cell, then he might be redeemed.”

  101. PATRIOTIC USA POWER said,

    July 6, 2008 at 3:34

    I am sick of l;iberals telling me what to do. I renouce you and defy you. I will intern you in camps, I will interr you in the scrapheap of history. Freedom and Pride is back. America rules.

  102. D.N. Nation said,

    July 6, 2008 at 3:35

    And your taste in men is are appalling

    Happy to help.

  103. D.N. Nation said,

    July 6, 2008 at 3:42

    I know I’m the last one that should be talking, but this new troll sucks.

  104. Sadie Baker said,

    July 6, 2008 at 3:52

    I see a dead screenwriter floating in a pool, and George Bush saying “I’m ready for my close up, Mr. DeMille.”

  105. mikey said,

    July 6, 2008 at 3:52

    “America Rules”

    Has there ever been a more meaningless, juvenile statement of exceptionalism and mindless nationalism? It doesn’t mean anything, it flies in the face of current realpolitik, it’s unsupported by economic reality and it describes more of a wishful desire than an extant condition.

    Describe to me, if you can, just exactly what America “rules” and how it accomplishes that. Hemorrhaging wealth, desperate for imported energy and manufactured goods, unable to impact the flow of world affairs without exercising military power, and let’s be honest, that keeps exposing the flaws in the hard power strategic mentality, America is much closer to begging than she is to “ruling”.

    And it is precisely this kind of unwillingness to recognize the new realities that is causing America’s downfall to be so precipitous. If we were allowed to recognize and discuss reality, rather than being required to cling to a post world war two narrative that has America transcendent, there might be some hope.

    You families with kids? This idiot is your greatest enemy. This is what stands between you and a future. Deal as you will….

    mikey

  106. Just Alison, without Qetesh said,

    July 6, 2008 at 3:53

    J— said,
    Wouldn’t Donald Rumsfeld make an awesome Hoover Institution fellow?

    My eyes stopped at the word “Hoover”, and I had this vivid mental image of Rummy, head down on the carpet with a broomstick up his butt, sucking up fluff and furballs for dear life.

    Thank you, J, for brightening up my Sunday.

  107. Twernt Nuthin said,

    July 6, 2008 at 4:00

    nicely put, mikey…

  108. J— said,

    July 6, 2008 at 4:13

    Sure thing, Just Alison, although I feel I add Rumsfeld actually is a Hoover fellow.

  109. J— said,

    July 6, 2008 at 4:15

    The new troll ain’t too new, at least in its most recent manifestation. The “scrapheap of history” line, for example, is a shout out to Classic Gary.

  110. J— said,

    July 6, 2008 at 4:16

    I feel I should add

    (I always feel like I’m hogging space when I run up consecutive comments like this.)

  111. Rightwingsnarkle said,

    July 6, 2008 at 4:20

    This idiot is your greatest enemy. This is what stands between you and a future. Deal as you will

    Sunlight is the best disinfectant, and snark the sharpest weapon.

    We also have heavy-headed clubs, just in case.

    And whatever else you’d like to bring along, Mikey.

  112. mikey said,

    July 6, 2008 at 4:28

    Pockets are your friend.

    Every time you decide to walk out your front door, think about what it might take for you to get home.

    Dress appropriately…

    mikey

  113. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    July 6, 2008 at 4:33

    Rightwingsnarkle said,

    July 6, 2008 at 3:34

    He should just disappear to Crawford and STFU.

    I’ll bet he drops that weed farm/photo op as soon as he’s out. It was a complete sham all along, and the fact that our national press corpse never called him on it is yet another example of how far in the tank they’ve gone for the rethuglican party.

  114. MzNicky said,

    July 6, 2008 at 4:48

    (I always feel like I’m hogging space when I run up consecutive comments like this.)

    Our Sadly, No! overlords are liberals and deny us nothing, not even multiple thread comments. Lard love ‘em.

  115. MajorKong said,

    July 6, 2008 at 4:49

    I will intern you in camps

    Please come and try to send me to an interment camp.

    Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please!!!!

  116. mextremist said,

    July 6, 2008 at 4:50

    I hope Dubya gets early-onset Assheimer’s and starts babbling incoherently and making a fool of himself in public so that he needs constant supervision or he’ll soil himself…

    oh, wait…

  117. Hoosier X said,

    July 6, 2008 at 4:51

    I believe that Kathryn Lopez and fish can live together in peace.

  118. Snowwy said,

    July 6, 2008 at 5:00

    Says my great lady, Her Felinity:

    Docent at the Statue of Liberty?

  119. MzNicky said,

    July 6, 2008 at 5:01

    “America Rules” — Has there ever been a more meaningless, juvenile statement of exceptionalism and mindless nationalism?

    I don’t think so. MrNicky and I were discussing this at dinner tonight. In the middle of our usual bemoaning of the destruction Teh Chimpinator has wrought, The Spouse noted that someone (Gore Vidal?) has observed it will take 100 years to recover from our eight-year Reign of Terra. Then it dawned on me: Perhaps that’s not such a bad thing. Do we really want to return to a pre-9/11 culture of oblivious, mindless arrogance and assumed entitlement? Or perhaps that September morning wake-up call was, ironically, the beginning of the end of unexamined US imperialistic bullying and piggery? It could be not an end to American life as we knew it, but a new beginning: An opportunity for us to once again redefine what freedom, liberty, and democracy mean in this the 21st century — to renew the spirit that begat this once-great nation and for so long was a beacon of hope and promise for the poor, the tired, the huddled masses and stuff!

    Ah, probably not. Nevermind.

  120. Edgewater Joe said,

    July 6, 2008 at 5:01

    I say he should start drinking in public again.

    Or agree to take Jeb!s garbage out every day for the rest of his (Dubya’s) life. It’s the least he can do for stealing Jeb!s chance at the White House, after all.

  121. mikey said,

    July 6, 2008 at 5:02

    Know what?

    When you come for the Major?

    That’s gonna be me, standing back to back.

    Try and figure out your best approach.

    ‘Cause hell.

    We’ll wait….

    mikey

  122. MzNicky said,

    July 6, 2008 at 5:03

    Docent at the Statue of Liberty?

    He doesn’t deserve to see Darryl Hannah naked.

  123. Rightwingsnarkle said,

    July 6, 2008 at 5:46

    I will intern you in camps

    I hate camping. Bugs. Ashes and grit in the food. Sleeping in a damp bag. Shitting into a little hole in the ground.

    Nope. No fucking way am I going. No fucking way.

  124. Strangefate said,

    July 6, 2008 at 7:05

    I’m no expert but shouldn’t an American government teacher has some basic understanding of the Constitution?

    Personally I think he should spend his remaining years stumbling drunkenly down the street, mumbling jibberish, and pissing on random passer-bys.

    Stick with what you’re good at.

  125. g said,

    July 6, 2008 at 7:14

    Dubya’s gonna retire to a McMansion in Dallas, serve on the board of some corporation (Halliburton?) and probably die of cirrhosis at the age of 60.

  126. Me said,

    July 6, 2008 at 7:36

    and probably die of cirrhosis at the age of 60.

    In which case, my homage to Jesse Helms (to paraphrase, burn in hell shitstain) will look like a hagiography.

    Look forward to some really classless and rude shit when W dies. I’ve had more feeling for bugs when I stepped on them.

  127. Hoosier X said,

    July 6, 2008 at 7:40

    Let feeance ring!

  128. Johnny Pez said,

    July 6, 2008 at 7:53

    Wouldn’t George W. Bush make an awesome high-school government teacher?

    K-Lo’s God is an aw3some God.

  129. Jacob Singer said,

    July 6, 2008 at 8:08

    “tonguejack my shitbox” might be the very best thing the internet has produced so far.

  130. F'in Librul said,

    July 6, 2008 at 10:12

    I can’t believe that woman is an editor. Does she even read her own breathless 7th grade prose before publishing it? Good god, she’s stupid.

  131. F'in Librul said,

    July 6, 2008 at 10:18

    The fact is, the bitch can’t write for shit.

  132. bummer said,

    July 6, 2008 at 10:26

    he should be an astronaut. his packaged is highly visible while wearing a flight suit, that’s a bonus for the ladies and the media, and he would get to be a real american hero like in his dreams and everyone would call him Spaceman and cheer him back home after exploring and conquering the Moon and he would captain a giant spaceship with lasers and x-ray vision. that’d be awesome.

  133. Red said,

    July 6, 2008 at 10:38

    Yes, he should be an astronaut, and a fine candidate for first man on the sun.

  134. aw said,

    July 6, 2008 at 10:45

    he should be an astronaut…

    Okay.

    everyone would call him Spaceman and cheer him back home

    No. NO! Why does he come back? What kind of fantasy is this?

  135. Billy Joe said,

    July 6, 2008 at 12:20

    Make him Ambassador to Iraq. I bet he’d decline the offer, but if I was Obama, I’d keep mentioning his name every single day in the most flowery language possible. Talk about bush’s committment to Iraqi democracy and the unfinished work we have there that bush can now dedicate himself to completely, etc.

  136. lobbey said,

    July 6, 2008 at 13:09

    I believe that Kathryn Lopez and fish can live together in peace.

    To emphasis the stereotype, I pictured he growing old with 100 cats & a laminated picture of W by the bed.

  137. Ripley said,

    July 6, 2008 at 14:40

    Governor of New Texas!

    One of the first things I wrote on the internets, a few years back. And that’s why John McCain hates bloggers – sorry about that, kids.

  138. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    July 6, 2008 at 15:11

    Apparently Saint McCain IS aware of all internet traditions.

    Or at least, one of them.

  139. justme said,

    July 6, 2008 at 15:28

    I don’t know about W as a teacher.

    I mean, we all know what happened last time he read a book to a bunch of schoolkids…

  140. Dr. BDH said,

    July 6, 2008 at 15:29

    I want W to emulate Hitchens: try out the various “enhanced interrogation techniques” he authorized and see if any of them feel like torture. This would include rendition to third world countries, like, say, Venezuela…

  141. White Male, Jew of Liberal Fascism said,

    July 6, 2008 at 15:38

    I hope the Number One Idiot’s retirement plans include a lengthy visit to the Hague and an orange jumpsuit.

    If so, this longtime atheist might just possibly believe in a higher power.

    But if not, I hope Mission Accomplished Boy continues to assume a prominent role of leadership in the GOP.

  142. owlbear1 said,

    July 6, 2008 at 15:45

    Justice would dictate that Dubya drive around Iraq alone in an unarmored Humvee poking around in rubble piles looking for WMDs.

    Petty Justice thinks we should also include a Dildo and two wet-suits in the scenario.

  143. mary beaulieu said,

    July 6, 2008 at 15:58

    It would be better if in his post-presidential career he would be brought to the Hague and tried for war cromes, crimes against humanity, shredding the USA’s constitution and the bill of rights, selling our country to greedy corporations, letting people be homeless and hugary, selling out THE CITIZENS of America (except for big corps.), price gouging on Oil for his buddies, which I’m sure He and Darth Cheney also get a hefty profit, intimidation, illegal spying, political firing of federal prosecuters, etc. The list goes on and on and on. Then you have to really look under some more rocks and find out how much worse it really is.
    NO, NO, I do not want bush and his friends ANYWHERE near a school. Maybe the 23% (probably lower) that still likes him can start their own private school and TEACH HIM a thing or too. The ditto-heads are probably a bit more intelligent than he is, hopefully. You need to read some books about Democracy before you make any more statements like those.

    You Sad Little One!

  144. mary beaulieu said,

    July 6, 2008 at 16:05

    MzNicky,
    GREAT COMMENT!!

  145. Snorghagen said,

    July 6, 2008 at 16:36

    Well, here’s what Bush himself envisions for his retirement:

    First, Mr. Bush said, “I’ll give some speeches, just to replenish the ol’ coffers.”… Then he said, “We’ll have a nice place in Dallas,” where he will be running what he called “a fantastic Freedom Institute” promoting democracy around the world. (Later in the article, this institute is described as a place ‘where young democratic leaders from around the world would study.’) But he added, “I can just envision getting in the car, getting bored, going down to the ranch.”

  146. EWI said,

    July 6, 2008 at 16:42

    Reach out and touch the young [...] break them of the cynicism [...] their parents have passed down to them.

    Won’t someone please think of the Family Values(r)? We don’t want no liberul teachers indoctrinating our kids!

  147. SamFromUtah said,

    July 6, 2008 at 16:54

    “America Rules” — Has there ever been a more meaningless, juvenile statement of exceptionalism and mindless nationalism?

    Only one I can think of – “America, fuck yeah!” But it was a joke.

    I think.

  148. g said,

    July 6, 2008 at 17:18

    First, Mr. Bush said, “I’ll give some speeches, just to replenish the ol’ coffers.”… Then he said, “We’ll have a nice place in Dallas,” where he will be running what he called “a fantastic Freedom Institute” promoting democracy around the world. (Later in the article, this institute is described as a place ‘where young democratic leaders from around the world would study.’) But he added, “I can just envision getting in the car, getting bored, going down to the ranch.”

    Wow, that’s some vision he’s got there.

  149. Susan of Texas said,

    July 6, 2008 at 17:24

    I wonder if he’ll be forced to live at Crawford for security reasons. He’ll need the tightest security in the history of ex-presidents, not necessarily for his safety, but to keep him in the criticism-free bubble. If he moves to Dallas (or Houston like his parents), he could be under constant petty harrassment.

  150. MzNicky said,

    July 6, 2008 at 17:28

    “tonguejack my shitbox” might be the very best thing the internet has produced so far.

    It should be an internet tradition, and we should all become aware of it.

  151. bayville said,

    July 6, 2008 at 17:28

    K-Lo is so cute after a meal, a cigar and a gallon of iced tea – unsweetened, of course.

  152. Miss Sunbeam said,

    July 6, 2008 at 17:30

    Hey, I had an ill-prepared, drunk, do-nothing high school government teacher named A* S******, and I turned into a completely fabulous Bolshevik! So p’raps K-Lo is accidentally correct!

  153. Snorghagen said,

    July 6, 2008 at 17:31

    Wow, that’s some vision he’s got there.

    To me, the funniest part is his delusion of a “fantastic Freedom Institute” for ‘young democratic leaders’. Imagine someone running for office anywhere on the planet who tries to impress the public by proclaiming “Vote for me! I was trained by George W. Bush!”

  154. Blue Buddha said,

    July 6, 2008 at 17:35

    bayville said,

    July 6, 2008 at 17:28

    K-Lo is so cute after a meal, a cigar and a gallon of iced tea – unsweetened, of course.

    Not just any iced tea, but Motherfucking Iced Tea™.

  155. David Robinson said,

    July 6, 2008 at 17:35

    I’d like to see Bush really support himself.

    After one week he’d be shooting up massive amounts of heroin in the hope of dulling the pain.

  156. Blue Buddha said,

    July 6, 2008 at 17:43

    David Robinson said,

    July 6, 2008 at 17:35

    I’d like to see Bush really support himself.

    After one week he’d be shooting up massive amounts of heroin in the hope of dulling the pain.

    He could wind up like that other disgraced Texan president, LBJ. In the four years after leaving office, LBJ just hung out at his ranch, kept a low profile, and pretty much went to hell in a handbasket. In one of the last pictures of him, he had really long hair, making him look like Benjamin Franklin. He died of a heart attack in Jan. 1973, due to stress and smoking.

    Unfortunately, Bush doesn’t smoke.

  157. Susan of Texas said,

    July 6, 2008 at 18:20

    I saw him in that time, when we visited his ranch for a tour. He had a small theater there, and was in the audience for the performance of A Raisin in the Sun. He looked fine, and pleased at the round of applause the audience gave him. But I was very young, so maybe I missed a lot.

    We watched his funeral procession go by also. It was a relief to see an end to that era.

  158. Rightwingsnarkle said,

    July 6, 2008 at 19:01

    “I can just envision getting in the car, getting bored, going down to the ranch.”

    He’d also probably bring some tranny hookers, blow, and booze with him.

  159. SamFromUtah said,

    July 6, 2008 at 19:05

    Dubya’s gonna retire to a McMansion in Dallas, serve on the board of some corporation (Halliburton?) and probably die of cirrhosis at the age of 60.

    Things would be very different if this were so – today is his 62nd birthday.

  160. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    July 6, 2008 at 19:11

    As incredibly pleasing as it would be for Georgie to be performing his post-service service by serving out the rest of his war crimes sentences, I think the best use of him is to travel round the country campaigning for GOP candidates. Look how well that’s going for this election season.

    I’m pretty sure that in 2010, he’ll still be as well-loved as he is now, able to motivate voters to make a statement about Republican policies. Actually, well-timed reports on the variety of investigations that a Democratic administration would start, well that could lead to W being a useful campaign tool in 2012 too.

  161. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    July 6, 2008 at 19:21

    Reach out and touch the young before they are jaded, or break them of the cynicism pop culture and possibly their parents have passed down to them.

    She certainly has a point. George Bush certainly inspires young people to be more active in politics. Even amongst the subset he most appeals to.

  162. kevstermon said,

    July 6, 2008 at 19:24

    When Bush eventually dies and goes to hell, the devil will give him his choice of Presidential residences
    The first will be the Nixon Room where the Dickster is doomed to endlessly dive into a swimming pool filled with pig waste while muttering to himself “The President is not a crook..”

    Bush will decline

    The second will be the Reagan Residence where the Gipper pushes a boulder up an incline and says”There you go again” as it rolls back to the bottom.

    Again Bush will decline.

    Thirdly will be the Clinton Room where Bubba is staked out spreadeagled and gagged as Monica does what she is most famous for for doing.

    “Alright devil, hehhehheh,” Bush will say, “I’ll take this one.

    “Excellent,” the devil will respond, “Monica, you’re free to go.”

  163. Rabid Child said,

    July 6, 2008 at 19:38

    Since he never made it there, he can help eliminate active land mines in Vietnam using a pogo stick.

  164. anonnymousse said,

    July 6, 2008 at 19:56

    Dubya’s gonna retire to a McMansion in Dallas, serve on the board of some corporation (Halliburton?) and probably die of cirrhosis at the age of 60.

    Unless my newspaper is lying, today is actually his 62nd birthday.

  165. anonnymousse said,

    July 6, 2008 at 19:57

    Dammit! Beaten.

  166. mdh said,

    July 6, 2008 at 20:08

    Whatever you think of President Bush, he’s a likable guy in love with his country….

    Sure he loves America. The question remains: Does he love Bandar more?

  167. Candy said,

    July 6, 2008 at 20:22

    Wow, that’s some vision he’s got there.

    That’s why he’s the envisioner.

  168. 100 Cats said,

    July 6, 2008 at 20:29

    To emphasis the stereotype, I pictured he growing old with 100 cats & a laminated picture of W by the bed.

    Hey, what the heck did we ever do to deserve such a fate?

  169. Brandi said,

    July 6, 2008 at 20:47

    Wow, that’s some vision he’s got there.

    The first time I read that, my immediate reaction was “Geez, he sounds like a high school student daydreaming about what he’s gonna do over summer break.”

    Not a good impression.

  170. mikey said,

    July 6, 2008 at 20:49

    The devil went down to Crawford, he was looking to collect a debt.
    George sold his soul, but not for gold, it was more like a drunken bet
    When he found ol’ George with half a bottle of Rye watching cartoons in the afternoon
    George recoiled in fear, wet his pants and cried “it can’t be over so soon”
    “I’m the commander guy”, george said with a pout as snot ran down his chin
    “I started wars, I changed regimes and Dick says we’re gonna win
    “It turned out that whole Pres’dent deal just wasn’t a whole lot of fun
    “Everybody else got everything they wanted, I got Saddam’s stupid gun”
    The devil smiled, patted george on his head and said “Don’t fret about it son
    ‘Cause Adolf and Joe and Ghengis Kahn agree, some things just can’t be undone”

  171. Bill said,

    July 6, 2008 at 21:46

    Being the torture-recipient in CIA demonstration presentations should be his fate / future. After all, torture will be his legacy.

  172. Orange Tom said,

    July 6, 2008 at 22:07

    Dubya’s gonna retire to a McMansion in Dallas, serve on the board of some corporation (Halliburton?) and probably die of cirrhosis at the age of 60.

    We’d have to turn time back two years (man, think about recovering all that’s been lost in that time).

    Tinkerbelle? Make it so!!

  173. ignatov said,

    July 6, 2008 at 22:26

    post-service service

    Burnt-potato-chip-picker-outer.

  174. White Male, Jew of Liberal Fascism said,

    July 6, 2008 at 23:05

    BTW, could anyone help me get on the waiting list for Bush’s fantastic Freedom Institute”?

    ‘Cause I’ll bet they’ll have some outstanding cocaine there.

  175. Arky - Sexual Orient Express said,

    July 6, 2008 at 23:45

    Reach out and touch the young before they are jaded

    J-Lo thinks Bush should get ‘em while they’re fresh.

    Those fRighties. What a bunch of pervs.

  176. Kathleen said,

    July 6, 2008 at 23:52

    what’s really a shame is that W didn’t start out as a high school government student. we’d all have been so much better off.

  177. Blue Buddha said,

    July 7, 2008 at 0:14

    mikey said,

    July 6, 2008 at 20:49

    The devil went down to Crawford, he was looking to collect a debt.
    George sold his soul, but not for gold, it was more like a drunken bet
    When he found ol’ George with half a bottle of Rye watching cartoons in the afternoon
    George recoiled in fear, wet his pants and cried “it can’t be over so soon”
    “I’m the commander guy”, george said with a pout as snot ran down his chin
    “I started wars, I changed regimes and Dick says we’re gonna win
    “It turned out that whole Pres’dent deal just wasn’t a whole lot of fun
    “Everybody else got everything they wanted, I got Saddam’s stupid gun”
    The devil smiled, patted george on his head and said “Don’t fret about it son
    ‘Cause Adolf and Joe and Ghengis Kahn agree, some things just can’t be undone”

    Fortunately, Bush can’t play the fiddle.

  178. scythia said,

    July 7, 2008 at 2:06

    I sympathize with all the commentors who want to send Bush to the Hague, and I’d like to see the rest of his administration wind up there…but personally, I’d like to see Bush go straight Lohan.

    He starts to drink again, realizes everybody hates him, that he’s got billions of dollars, and that nothing he can ever do will change either of those facts. So he starts drinking more, dips back into the coke, maybe samples som ecstasy and GHB, and for the first time in a long time, finds he’s actually enjoying himself again.

    So he re-ups, starts to party harder, in a more public manner, all around the globe: London, New York, Davos, Dubai, Milan. Everywhere he goes, the paparazzi follows. And Bush, grateful for the newfound attention, doesn’t disappoint. He nicknames his favorite photographers and starts posing for pictures, champagne bottle in one hand, horns flying on the other, tounge lapping in the wind.

    As the drugs start to take their toll he becomes further disconnected from reality. He starts lashing out irrationally, passing out in awkward, highly-public places. Nude pictures unflatteringly make their way around the tabloids. He starts hooking up with waitresses and hookers wherever he goes because they’re awed by his ignominity and less likely to judge him. Eventually, after a five-day bender, he makes out with…say, Ryan Seacrest at the MTV movie awards, then an hour later leaps onstage and has to be dragged out by security.

    That is my vision for the future.

    As for my suggestion: make him Chairman of the Republican National Committee.

    I see no reason why he couldn’t also do this simultaneously. Here’s the first twenty seconds of the RNC’s 2016 theme song.

  179. Jaded Metal Head said,

    July 7, 2008 at 2:13

    W can break dance in a wood chipper with his entire fucked up family and all of his closest pals. Fuck that cross eyed brain dead cocksucker. And I mean that with all due respect.

  180. Balloon Juice said,

    July 7, 2008 at 2:49

    [...] am a little late to the game on this, but this is all kinds of awesome from K-Lo’s House of [...]

  181. SamFromUtah said,

    July 7, 2008 at 6:01

    He could, i dunno, tonguejack my shitbox?

    Goddammit, I’m still cracking up about this.

  182. Athenawise said,

    July 7, 2008 at 7:23

    If no one else has suggested it, send the Boy Wonder on an extended hunting trip with Cheney until, you know, the inevitable happens.

  183. Dan said,

    July 7, 2008 at 16:05

    He’d get summers off, and you know he loves his vacation time.

  184. jurassicpork said,

    July 7, 2008 at 17:13

    Well, he could preside at the ribbon-cutting ceremony in San Francisco in which they’ll name a sewage treatment plant after him.

    Then he can take the big scissors and cut off his own head with them just for laughs.

    Just a suggestion…

  185. kindness said,

    July 7, 2008 at 19:48

    Wouldn’t K-Lo make an awesome Cherub….except she’d squash whatever cake you put it on….except she’s not as cute as a cherub is supposed to be, maybe we can half the cutemess factor because K-Lo has way more than twice the Ruebinesque factor.

    How bout we all chip in and get everyone else to agree to never ever publish another picture of K-Lo again…ever. Lunch would stay down easier.

  186. Righteous Bubba said,

    July 7, 2008 at 19:55

    Ruebinesque factor.

    I would correct that as Reubenesque because I’m just that awful.

  187. mikey said,

    July 7, 2008 at 20:06

    911. What is your emergency.

    Um, hello?

    Yes, this is 911. Do you have an emergency?

    Yes ma’am. It’s my shitbox.

    Your WHAT?

    My shitbox. It’s been toungejacked.

    Your shitbox has been toungejacked.

    Yes. And I’m going to need to get it back right away.

    I see. Do you know who tonguejacked your shitbox?

    Not really. It was a stupid drunk guy with a fake texas accent.

    His accent was fake?

    Yes ma’am. And he was really stupid. I’m pretty sure I’m going to need to get a police report for the insurance company. I’m probably gonna have to rent a shitbox.

    Well, we don’t have a lot of tounguejackings these days, so I’ll get an officer out shortly….

    mikey

  188. OneMan said,

    July 7, 2008 at 20:43

    Actually, I’d be more than happy to shitjack his tonguebox.

    In fact, I think he should spend his retirement scat-munching each and every one of the 300 million citizens his administration has crapped upon for eight years. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

  189. AG said,

    July 7, 2008 at 21:44

    Who needs Harvard visiting chairs and high-end lectures?

    Guess she prefers Yale men who are just as oblivious to irony as she is.

  190. comsympinko said,

    July 7, 2008 at 22:03

    Tonguejacking shitboxes aside…

    Is that the world’s most amazing damnation-with-faint-praise evah?

    With the author being completely ignorant of the fact that her “awesome” idea destroys the sole remaining muon of respect any thinking human could possibly have for the man?

    Is she serious?

    Wow. I sure wouldn’t want any of my high school government teachers running the country.

    And they ALL knew more about government than Bush.

  191. Aunt Esther said,

    July 8, 2008 at 4:45

    “REach out and touch the young”????
    Oh, I hope so!
    And then get arrested as a pedophile!

  192. APoliticsNow! » Blog Archive » Fantasyland said,

    July 8, 2008 at 4:46

    [...] Update II: Sadly No! beat me to it. [...]

  193. Mark said,

    July 8, 2008 at 5:14

    I am amazed that everyone on this site is unable to communicate without profanity. No adults and no adult supervision – must be a grand party in your minds.

    Anyway, back to the question about what W could teach children. How about the names of all 57 states in oblama’s country?

  194. SamFromUtah said,

    July 8, 2008 at 5:24

    How about the names of all 57 states in oblama’s country?

  195. Dummies for McCain said,

    July 8, 2008 at 6:16

    I am amazed that anyone is stupid enough to even consider voting for John McCain. When he smiles he looks like Dr. Sardonicus. When he talks, he sounds even more oafish than Dubya. The only conclusion I can come up with is that there is a very bizarre segment of American society that wants $12/gallon gasoline, wants to see most of the Middle East razed by nuclear fallout, and is absolutely convinced that the general RepubliKlan ability to transform a thriving economy into a basket case is something that should be continued forever.

  196. jeek said,

    July 8, 2008 at 6:25

    He could be Secretary of Defense in Kazakstan, or how about Attorney General in North Korea!

    Wait, he would be like the greatest Secretary of the Interior of my ass.

  197. jeek said,

    July 8, 2008 at 6:37

    Mark said,

    How about the names of all 57 states in oblama’s country?

    Mark you tonguejacked shitbox! he was talking about the ingredients in Heinze 57 sauce!!!! Now go plug Karl Roves ass with your right arm.

    Crazy kid, gotta love ‘im!

  198. james said,

    July 8, 2008 at 7:50

    K-Lo is best read in the voice of Chris Farley playing a female character.

  199. Buzzrd said,

    July 8, 2008 at 8:17

    I hope he serves as RNC chairman for many, many years. The Republican Party could use his form of incompetence. He could teach government to all them Republicans at the same time. Awesome!

  200. Andre said,

    July 8, 2008 at 8:37

    Bush is just bad in that B-Movie-Obvious sense. Not everybody who is capable of deriving respect is going to get along with everyone else who is capable of deriving respect. But Bush hits you hard like an MST3K movie. It is inconceivable the Republican party believes so much of America has fallen so far behind that they could pass off this lower wit as the most impregnable leader we could have possibly chosen this decade.

  201. AMERICAN NONSENSE » Fantasyland said,

    July 8, 2008 at 9:28

    [...] Update II: Sadly No! beat me to it. [...]

  202. Chris said,

    July 8, 2008 at 14:00

    Send W to prison.

  203. waldo said,

    July 8, 2008 at 16:20

    Dennis Kucinich for Attorney General. That’d keep Bush busy.

  204. FBI Agents Make Their Mothers Proud · Real Clear Politcs said,

    July 8, 2008 at 18:22

    [...] Update II: Sadly No! beat me to it. [...]

  205. Lefty said,

    July 8, 2008 at 22:53

    Do people actually expect him to return to Crawford? I mean, the ranch was just for show in the first place.

  206. jri said,

    July 9, 2008 at 14:26

    I thought she was more attractive than that.

    =

  207. SamFromUtah said,

    July 9, 2008 at 20:16

    I mean, the ranch was just for show in the first place.

    Really. If the sale hasn’t already been drawn up, it will be in January. Maybe they’ll convert it into a Fantastic Freedom Institute.

  208. liveinvt said,

    July 10, 2008 at 20:08

    I think he should be the Butler of the SCOTUS. Especially the conservative justices – Scalia, Alito, Roberts, Thomas, and sometimes Kennedy.

    He should pull their chairs out for them, dust the seat with a little hand-broom, and push the chair in for them as they sit.

    Fetch coats and umbrellas.

    That’s about it. And it’s enough.

  209. Noodles said,

    July 11, 2008 at 3:27

    My personal hope for Mr. Bush is that he emulate Lyndon Johnson, retire to Texas, and drink himself to death. Of course, that would require that he develop some sense of guilt, such as Johnson clearly possessed. I guess we’ll have to settle for the scorn of the world and condemnation by history.

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