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Kerners Are Go!
Over at Free Republic, they’re investigating the Barack Obama Birth Certificate Scandal.
What scandal? They don’t seem to know yet, but confidence is fairly high that something will turn up. Here’s one essai:
I belive the reason [Barack Obama] won’t release [his birth certificate] is because it lists his full name including the firstname of Barry, not Barack, and lists him as caucasian, not african.
He’s worked awfully hard (changing his name to something african sounding and calling himself black, instead of white or mixed) to further his career. He’s not about to have that all blown up by the truth that he’s just as much white as black.
Um, yeah. Or maybe the doctor’s signature trails off and reads “Aieee!” and the document is spattered with human blood. Also, be warned that we mean ‘kerners’ in the literal sense. A scanned copy of the document was released earlier this month (on Daily Kos and at least one other liberal site), and here’s where that’s been going:
The typeface on [a sample birth certificate from Hawaii, the 'Decosta image,'] is much darker and thicker, and has less kerning (spacing between the letters), than the Obama image. Moreover, the color of the green paper comes through almost all of the letters regardless of magnification or image compression.
By comparison, you will not see the grey and white pixels found between the letters on the Obama image.
When you enlarge the letters in the Decosta image, they all tend to remain solid, especially letters like “I, L, B, E, H,” that continue to look the same no matter how large you make them. Conversely, when you enlarge the letters in the Obama image, they start to fall apart — that is, they start losing pixels. This is exactly what happens to bitmapped text created by a graphics program.
OK, now let’s compare the borders of both images.
In the Obama image — or, should I say, “images,” because the edges of the vertical borders in the Kos image overlap the horizontal ones, whereas the…
People have asked why I’m so fascinated by the right wing in America. I believe this goes some way toward answering the question.
Major Woody said,
June 24, 2008 at 6:34
I’ll bet his birth certificate proves he’s the anti christ.
Major Woody said,
June 24, 2008 at 6:37
And just so you know, I had to spell it like that because my comment was rejected by the spam filters 3 times. “Spam filter” my ass. I think it was Obama’s satanic minions trying to silence me!
American Hawk said,
June 24, 2008 at 6:37
Conservatives are, perhaps, being overly cautions. Given that CBS used forged documents to smear the war record of a Vietnam era veteran and sitting president, however, that caution is understandable.
David said,
June 24, 2008 at 6:40
This is hilarious and sad. Mostly hilarious. “Barry”?
Jim said,
June 24, 2008 at 6:42
America! YOu have been duped! He is really NOT a black man!
I mean ….
Well, who are you gonna believe?
PeeJ said,
June 24, 2008 at 6:46
Damn that mulatto for using his darkiness for political advancement! Shameful the way he exploits America’s fawning all over the darkies.
PeeJ said,
June 24, 2008 at 6:50
hey start to fall apart — that is, they start losing pixels. This is exactly what happens to bitmapped text created by a graphics program.
Umm, yes. And what you’re working with there Einstein is what? Could it be a bitmapped image? Or is an SVG object? Perhaps a jpeg conversion from a raster scan? What do all these things have in common, hmmmmm?
Righteous Bubba said,
June 24, 2008 at 6:50
People have asked why I’m so fascinated by the right wing in America.
Any solar eclipses coming up? You could be their god by preventing a demon from eating the sun. … A MUSLIM DEMON!
Jennifer said,
June 24, 2008 at 6:53
Obama is trying so hard to cover up his white heritage that he’s running an ad showing a picture of him with his white grandparents, while in his voiceover he talks about his grandparents and their values they passed on to him.
Jim said,
June 24, 2008 at 7:04
DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND? THAT MAN IS A WHI…
Wait. Was Michelle talking about her husband?
Rob Lewis said,
June 24, 2008 at 7:05
Damn, all this time he’s just been passing for black! Oh, the duplicity!
Mike B. said,
June 24, 2008 at 7:13
however, that caution is understandable.
Scrutinizing alleged evidence of a serious crime = understandable caution
Scrutinizing a birth certificate = frakkin’ insanity
This is one reason, among many, why conservatives are not taken seriously anymore. You’ve got an election in four months in which your candidate is behind, and you’ve chosen to use this time to turn over rocks looking for any reason to discredit ours. While it’s perhaps aesthetically appropriate–where else does one find reptiles but underneath rocks?–it’s not really a substitute for making your case for the future of the country. Assuming you’ve got one.
bargal20 said,
June 24, 2008 at 7:14
“Given that CBS used forged documents to smear the war record of a Vietnam era veteran and sitting president, however, that caution is understandable.”
Um, I think the problem is there isn’t a record for the service history of that heroic “Vietnam era” veteran of the Texas Air National Guard. The paperwork seems to have vanished. Funny, that…
Major Woody said,
June 24, 2008 at 7:20
How about a poem?
What is he?
by Major Woody
Is he white? Is he black?
Is he Hussein or is he Barack?
Is he an Islamic Manchurian ‘bot?
Or where is his flag pin if he’s not?
Is he a geek with undersided pecs?
Or is he a friend of Malcolm X?
Is he a Muslim planning our defeat?
Or is he a latte-sipping elite?
Who is this man named Barack Obama?
The son of his dad, or the son of his momma?
noen said,
June 24, 2008 at 7:26
It’s a cargo cult. They hit once with kerning so now everything is all kerning all the time.
Stevenovitch said,
June 24, 2008 at 7:28
Wow, you think that the 30 years between the two documents might have led to changes in the way the document is produced…. maybe.
Also what the fuck is he talking about bitmapped text, almost every font on the planet uses vectors to define letters, rasterizing wouldn’t occur until compression, same as a scan or anything else.
fillerbunny said,
June 24, 2008 at 7:28
Fuck’s sake!!! This shit again!?!?
Stevenovitch said,
June 24, 2008 at 7:33
Also, I should mention the nature of jpeg compression makes comparing two jpegs visually a pretty stupid idea.
Doctorb said,
June 24, 2008 at 7:34
OW OW OW I went to the Freep link and it made me roll my eyes so hard they’re all sore now ow.
David said,
June 24, 2008 at 7:34
The wingers are working on the assumption that when you request a copy of your birth certificate, a government official goes to the basement, opens a filing cabinet with “beware of the leopard” written on it, digs out the original document that was typed up when you were born, and photocopies it. The idea that they use a computer program to generate new certificates with the information on file from the originals has literally never crossed their mind.
commie atheist said,
June 24, 2008 at 7:36
So his birth name’s Barry, not Barrack, and he’s really half white, instead of half black, and he’s pushing his blackness now because he’s the “affirmative action candidate.” Is that it? Am I understanding this correctly? That’s what this is all about?
I thought they were going to push the “he’s really a Muslim” angle. Is that last week’s attempted smear? Or are they just throwing all the shit against the wall just to see if anything sticks?
God damn America.
Djur said,
June 24, 2008 at 7:39
Uh, I have to say: any image we’d have of Obama’s birth certificate would be rasterized, because I’m fairly sure they didn’t have goddamn PostScript when he was born. Not to mention this “falling apart / losing pixels” gibberish. God damn.
Stevenovitch said,
June 24, 2008 at 7:43
Actually when you download the obama image you can very well see that it has been tagged by photoshop, (either it was scanned through photoshop, or it was made with photoshop officially, or someone tampered with it).
Anyway, if it was actually tampered with VIA photoshop the text would NOT be rasterized until it was compressed, meaning, ideally, that it should hold up better to scrutiny. The fact that it does fall apart makes a better case for it being genuine. Of course, this is central to their point.
a different brad said,
June 24, 2008 at 7:51
I have it on good authority John McCain is actually Vietnamese. Or rather, I think it would be funny if John McCain were actually Vietnamese.
Why won’t John McCain give me his blood so I can his dna sequenced and we can learn if he has Vietnamese racial markers?
He’s hiding something, folks. I’m going to map out the progress of his hairloss over time to prove white folk have different male pattern baldness.
a different brad said,
June 24, 2008 at 7:52
*so I can *have* his dna sequenced…
Righteous Bubba said,
June 24, 2008 at 7:57
So I can HAS.
Red said,
June 24, 2008 at 8:13
They changed how they print birth certificates in the last 40-odd years? This is too big a mystery for me, better call in the fucking Hardly boys!
agc said,
June 24, 2008 at 8:33
I’ve been watching this and it is awesome. There is a bizarre conservative belief in the talismanic properties of original documents. Some have even argued that because the cert # is blacked out, and because the form says ‘invalid if altered’ the cert is invalid. Fun and fascinating stuff. At least they have a harmless outlet for their energies.
JoshA said,
June 24, 2008 at 8:34
bargal20, don’t feed the trolls.
Didn’t this happen awhile ago? They haven’t figured out whether he’s secretly Barry or secretly Mohammed? What’s the hold up?
LD said,
June 24, 2008 at 8:34
You have to admire the peoples determination in the right wing: Once they are determined that there is something wrong in the matter, no amount of facts can discourage them.
Now where is the John McCain birth certificate? Maybe he is actually latin american instead of white, wasn’t he born in Panama? The public has the right to know.
Lesley said,
June 24, 2008 at 8:36
yeah, like, in addition to him maybe being white, maybe he’s really 83 and all this time he’s fooling us into thinking he’s a younger than McCain, but we’re not going to believe anything until we see that birth certificate and proof he never had plastic surgery, and like, maybe he’s not even human and therefore was never born, like, in a hospital, maybe he came from a zoo and his dad’s a wombat and his mom’s a zookeeper…truth out!
tensor said,
June 24, 2008 at 8:38
“The typeface on [a sample birth certificate from Hawaii, the 'Decosta image,'] is much darker and thicker, and has less kerning (spacing between the letters), than the Obama image.”
We learned (or kearned) with Bush and the Air Nat’l Guard documents, that if any part of any document is deemed suspect, the entire story must be false. Ergo, in the wingnut hive “mind”, Barack Obama does not exist, and therefore cannot be elected president. They can sleep soundly now, pissing themselves only over gays, Mooslims, Mexicans, etc.
Lesley said,
June 24, 2008 at 8:38
the ‘tards waste time on bullshit like “his name could be barry!!!!!!!!!!” but won’t invest any time investigating the very real crimes of el presidente.
Andre said,
June 24, 2008 at 8:40
The insanity is only just beginning. Just wait until someone tries to debunk Obama’s claim to being bipedal.
P.S. Kudos on the new trolls, they’re giving me moments of “Yeah, but…” before I realise I’ve been had.
P.P.S. Bugger this, it’s way too cold for nonsense! off to install Mass Effect…
Red said,
June 24, 2008 at 8:43
Lesley: It can’t be illegal if the President does it. Now you understand why the thought of a colored spade as President makes them incontinent.
Lesley said,
June 24, 2008 at 8:46
Red, apparently presidential blowjobs are illegal though.
RandomObserver said,
June 24, 2008 at 8:48
It is funny how they can’t get their stories straight. He is a radical Muslim, a radical Christian, hates the religious…next he’ll be a radical Jew.
He’s a black nationalist, then he’s a white guy who hangs out at country clubs, next he’ll be partying with Lindsey Lohan and be Mexican.
I believe this is what you call throwing shit at the wall and seeing what sticks.
Michael Harrington said,
June 24, 2008 at 8:55
So he’s a stealth white dork? Okay, I’ll admit it…I didn’t see that one coming.
To quote Dean Venture: “I dare you to make less sense.”
Lesley said,
June 24, 2008 at 8:55
yeah, next they’ll be saying he’s a white guy wearing black face paint to court the black vote. after that they’ll say he’s a black faking being white and he’s really all black with no white. and when that shit falls off the wall (cuz watery cheeto poo couldn’t stick if you superglued it) they’ll say he’s an Arab from Mexico City or a Mexican from Arabo City.
scythia said,
June 24, 2008 at 9:59
You guys are fucking up. Instead of mocking them for their effort, we should be finding ways to prolong it.
“Look! There on the corner! What’s that smear? Better spend 40 more hours figuring it out!”
qyo said,
June 24, 2008 at 10:03
Now where is the John McCain birth certificate?
Just try retrieving the original cuneiform.
Andrew A. Gill, SLS said,
June 24, 2008 at 10:28
has less kerning (spacing between the letters)
Sorry, no. Wrong. Where did you get your graphic design degree? Well, give it back, because they obviously shouldn’t have given you one.
Spacing between letters is tracking. Looser (more) tracking results in more space between the letters, and tighter (less) tracking results in less space between the letters. Kerning is spacing between a pair of letters, and it can either result in more space or less.
To say that something has less kerning means that there are fewer kern pairs.
As to the differences, what I can see is that both are shitty scans with lots of JPEG artefacts. I can’t for the life of me figure out why the borders are different, but given differences of sex, age, and statehood at the time of birth (plus the fact that several years separate the issuing dates of these certificates–Obama’s is in 2007, the other is from 2002), I can see why there might be differences.
Doctorb said,
June 24, 2008 at 10:28
John McCain’s Social Security Number is 5.
Doctorb said,
June 24, 2008 at 10:30
Oh great, “kerning” is one of those words that have been fucked up by jerkoffs, like “parse” and “gaffe”.
charlotte said,
June 24, 2008 at 10:50
Has Lana Turner endorsed Barack? Imitation of Life all the way to the White House, baby.
scythia said,
June 24, 2008 at 11:01
I can’t for the life of me figure out why the borders are different
IIRC Kos has said he cropped the borders of his scan.
Andrew A. Gill, SLS said,
June 24, 2008 at 11:06
IIRC Kos has said he cropped the borders of his scan.
No, that’s not what I mean. The patterns are different. The Decosta pattern looks like a giant halftone screen, but Obama’s looks like a woven pattern.
I mean, whatever. They changed it, but I can’t figure out why.
scythia said,
June 24, 2008 at 11:17
Good work, Dr. Gill. Take that over to Free Republic and concern troll the hell out of it! With any luck we can keep them busy ’til December.
badger badger badger™²³®© said,
June 24, 2008 at 11:17
You mean “birth” certificate?
Smut Clyde said,
June 24, 2008 at 11:48
Has anyone tried throwing sticks at the wall and seeing what shits?
El Cid said,
June 24, 2008 at 12:26
Why won’t Obama release the information we know he has about his time in Cydonia?
Arky H8r of VürdPress said,
June 24, 2008 at 12:48
Yeah! And why isn’t his birth certificate printed on stone like McCain’s!?
Yeah, because if he ran around saying he was white they’d let that pass without comment. What the fuck? According to the American definition of race, he’s African-American, we don’t have a “mixed” category. I think the next Census is supposed to finally address that issue but I’m going to guess if he insisted his race was mixed they’d either say he was ashamed of his African side or trying to appeal to both races. But based on personal experience being visibly mixed doesn’t further anything except your opportunity to get into fights with a wider variety of people.
Also this clashes with the building narrative that he’s really an Arab because his dad is Kenyan, although I assume who ever started that one thinks Muslim and Arab are the same thing.
Finally, and I know this is a losing battle with Les Tards du Fuq, but may I say how incredibly moronic it is to refer to anything as being “African?” Look at a fucking geopolitical map for fuck’s sake. Note the variety of countries. Could it be that this land mass (which could swallow Continental Europe whole and not burp) isn’t a politically and socially homogeonous land mass?
Alex said,
June 24, 2008 at 12:50
Barack “Blackie McBlack” Hussein Obama Actually Not Black At All: Even Scarier!
I never…imagined we’d get to the point where they were desperately trying to convince the public that he’s not black.
Gerald Curl said,
June 24, 2008 at 12:51
Blechley Park strikes again!
/Mad Magazine
Krassen said,
June 24, 2008 at 13:05
OK, this is very funny, and you will probably laugh at me, but I too have been fascinated by this issue. My kids were born within a few years of each other in the same state, and their birth certificates do not look the same, too. They are somewhat similar, but not at all identical: even the fonts are different.
Stuff like that could indeed be somewhat confounding…
The new thing I learned here is that it may potentially mean that one or more of my kids are of different race, THAT never crossed my mind, to be honest with you.
bellatrys said,
June 24, 2008 at 13:09
Um, the second you scan something it’s rasterized. It doesn’t “pixellate” in the sense of having visible blocky edges, unless you a) scan it at a low resolution, or b) save it as a jpg or reduce the resolution by scaling it down. But it definitely is a raster image, no matter what program you scan it with.
In fact, it’s been rasterized already the second you print it out, raster just means a dot, it’s just been rasterized at an extremely high dpi, the vector part only exists while it’s still a digital file – or if you cut it out of vinyl, like a banner, using a computer-driven cutting machine. (Vector art can be considered something of a Platonic Form, or a Mathematical Plane, it can’t exist outside the conceptual dimension: once it enters the real world it is now made of little pieces of something.)
So even if they did pull the original out of a safe, it’s going to be rasterized, and you will see pixels, and given that they made it small enough to be emailed it probably wasn’t scanned in at a very high dpi to begin with. (An 8×10 color bitmap at a mere 300 dpi, uncompressed, is 20 MB.)
I’ve done this to eke out a living for the past 10+ years, so I know how this stuff works.
Some Guy said,
June 24, 2008 at 13:29
I’d like to add that, given that this was almost certainly typed out on a type writer, there’s going to be natural discrepancies in character quality and spacing from manufacturing differentials as well as imperfections in the machinery.
“He’s worked awfully hard (changing his name to something african (sic) sounding and calling himself black, instead of white or mixed) to further his career. He’s not about to have that all blown up by the truth that he’s just as much white as black.”
You know what’s so great about being half white and half black? When I grow up, I’ll be accepted by EVERYONE!
slippy hussein toad said,
June 24, 2008 at 13:48
Right-wing nutjobs becoming overnight fucking experts on typefaces, kerning, and pixelation, is as credible as them being fucking experts on economics, history, or science.
I mean, come on, all you have to do to show that you’re smarter than the professor in class is to talk more than he does!
Arky H8r of VürdPress said,
June 24, 2008 at 13:48
ZOMG! Obama’s a rasterfarian! He’s going 2 make ur children smoke pot!!
/Tard du Fuq
slippy hussein toad said,
June 24, 2008 at 13:49
Hey, I am aware of all internet scan modes. Facts, facts, facts! Blah. They make you so boring!
Dave Lartigue said,
June 24, 2008 at 13:54
It’s amazing how people who will accept any fool thing the Bush Administration says at face value suddenly become hardened skeptics when it comes to Evolution, Global Warming, and birth certificates.
javafascist said,
June 24, 2008 at 13:57
Could it be that this land mass (which could swallow Continental Europe whole and not burp) isn’t a politically and socially homogeonous land mass?
Hahahahaha. That’s just CRAZY talk. Of course, everyone there is the same (savages) and we must civilize them for their own good. Now, might I interest you in another glass of port while I discuss my theories on liberal fascism and the sad, through no fault of his own, state of the white male?
Smut Clyde said,
June 24, 2008 at 14:05
the assumption that when you request a copy of your birth certificate, a government official goes to the basement, opens a filing cabinet with “beware of the leopard” written on it, digs out the original document that was typed up when you were born, and photocopies it. The idea that they use a computer program to generate new certificates with the information on file from the originals has literally never crossed their mind.
David at 7:34 is determined to take all the fun out of it.
scottp said,
June 24, 2008 at 14:12
I was going to write that they’re like a bunch of balding, overweight insurance salesmen, forever trying to relive their glory days as the high school quarterback (their victory over CBS and Dan Rather), but noen’s Cargo Cult comment captures it beautifully. If they keep at it, some day the Cargo will come back!
Lawnguylander said,
June 24, 2008 at 14:20
Duh, he’s pretending to be black so he can get into his choice of liberal elitist country clubs.
auggiesback said,
June 24, 2008 at 14:22
Ha ha, liberals…. your boy is going down! McCain is IN THERE and the next president, not a racist black man who hates America and will sell out out to Shania Law! Ever notice that most black people are criminals, dumb, shiftless and lazy? Most of us here in middle America do!
jon said,
June 24, 2008 at 14:30
I love that in the comment thread it is called a “NONE ISSUE!” by someone with much more wisdom than spelling ability.
And I really look forward to Shania Law, auggiesback, although I no longer have any cowboy boots. A burka with Western shirt designs really should be done, however. Roper or Wrangler should get in on this emerging market.
Jake H. said,
June 24, 2008 at 14:43
Is America ready for an ILBEH president?!?!?
Matt said,
June 24, 2008 at 14:51
and will sell out out to Shania Law!
She may be 42, but I would still cheerfully submit to Shania law. Good times, good times.
People have asked why I’m so fascinated by the right wing in America.
My own fascination derives from years of wondering how creatures with so few brain cells can maintain autonomic functions while eating Cheetos.
Clutch414 said,
June 24, 2008 at 14:51
So wait, they first want us to believe that he’s a secret muslim. Then he’s a scary black guy with a scary black lady as a wife. Then his scary black christian preacher is too radical. Then he was a liberal elite who looks down upon the common man. Now…he’s no even really black?
My head hurts–oww.
pedestrian said,
June 24, 2008 at 14:55
It goes much, much deeper. Without his birth certificate, how do we know for certain that he was ever born at all?
Lawnguylander said,
June 24, 2008 at 15:01
I haven’t clicked over there and I hope I can continue to resist the temptation but is the idea perhaps that he pretended to be black to take advantage of affirmative action? Have any freepers suggested he might actually be C. Thomas Howell himself?
George W Bush said,
June 24, 2008 at 15:03
My own fascination derives from years of wondering how creatures with so few brain cells can maintain autonomic functions while eating Cheetos.
My doctors say that sometimes my brain forgets to tell my body to do things when I’m eating and trying to do other things at teh same time. That’s why Pickles won’t let me eat pretzels while i’m watching tv.
Douglas Watts said,
June 24, 2008 at 15:05
What I find suspicious is the kerning between the Hawaiian Islands themselves.
MzNicky said,
June 24, 2008 at 15:10
…next he’ll be a radical Jew.
Which would be central to the point made upthread that Barry H. Osama X is the antichrist. Didn’t Jerry Falwell tell us so, back before he bit the big one and is now burning in Hell?
George W Bush said,
June 24, 2008 at 15:10
What I find suspicious is the kerning between the Hawaiian Islands themselves.
why is everyone so concerned about kerning? he’s only a minor character, like jimbo. Nelson is teh one i really like.
ha-ha!
Doris Kerning Goodwin said,
June 24, 2008 at 15:13
Spacing between letters is tracking. Looser (more) tracking results in more space between the letters, and tighter (less) tracking results in less space between the letters. Kerning is spacing between a pair of letters, and it can either result in more space or less.
Andrew Gill: Give it up dude. The word belongs to the ages now.
Torgo said,
June 24, 2008 at 15:17
I lost my old wallet-sized birth certificate a few years ago. It was even laminated by the government. The one I recently bought to replace it is a full-page certificate – the only kind they’ll issue, now – that, needless to say, looks markedly different from the one issued to my parents shortly after I was born.
Hell, my new ID card looks different than the one issued to me five years ago.
The “woven pattern” on the outside of Obama’s 2007-issue birth certificate may be a recent innovation designed to discourage forgery.
Well, either that, or he could really be a white guy named Barry Hussein Obama.
(WTF???)
MzNicky said,
June 24, 2008 at 15:25
Don’t you people see? It’s not whether Barry X is white or black or whatever; it’s that he’s flip-flopping again! How can you trust anything the guys says if he can’t even make up his mind about what race he is? Sheesh!
g said,
June 24, 2008 at 15:25
What’s with the fascination over the “Barry” thing? Why is his childhood nickname being used as an insult?
Is it that unusual that as people grow up they decide to abandon childhood nicknames and assume their full given name? And this is supposed to be something bad?
WTF?
jon said,
June 24, 2008 at 15:26
Did McCain’s medical files reveal his expiration date? And until we see non-rastorized close-up photos of his entire body, can we be sure he’s not a cyborg from the future set to explode on a day when all the world leaders will gather at the United Nations? I think I saw something like that on a Batman episode, and we do know that Cheney is the Penguin, so what else could be behind this diabolical plan?
Tune in same Bat time, same Bat channel….
mythago said,
June 24, 2008 at 15:31
So is this the wingnut run-up to say that Barack “Now – With Extra Whitening Power!” Obama has fathered children on a black woman?
Their echo chamber is so deprived of oxygen they can’t imagine how dumb this makes them look. It’s okay, gentlemen; you spend your time on Free Republic arguing about rasterization, and in the real world we’ll be winning the election.
Tom said,
June 24, 2008 at 15:35
If only he could convince Congress to smoke pot.
Actually, he is really Thurston Howell III. Think about it… Howell was lost on a 3 hour tour in the Hawaiian Islands. And where was Obama born? Exactly!
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
June 24, 2008 at 15:43
This is a stupid plan. If they are successful, they’ll just have proven that the Dem candidate is a white guy named Barry. That’s not gonna make people not want to vote for him.
Functioning Shakesville Commenter said,
June 24, 2008 at 15:49
The fact is, that you people even responded this to begin with means that, um, Obama’s a spoiled brat and an elitist and hates women and will be worse for this country than McCain and because the Democraps are going to lose a billion seats anyway, I’m voting for Fred Phelps so go ahead and blame me because it’s not my fault dookie.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
June 24, 2008 at 15:49
Wait, I think I’ve actually figured out the plan. They want to create as much uncertainty as possible so they can use, what RB has called the Easterbrook paradox to argue that he’s not really Barack Obama, but rather John Sidney McCain the Third. Thus a vote for either candidate is actually a vote for JiSM3.
Jim said,
June 24, 2008 at 15:55
Have any freepers suggested he might actually be C. Thomas Howell himself?
I am given to understand that they are now suggesting he’s actually Patrick Dempsey and will make love to your wives while pretending to deliver pizza!!!?!1!!!!!
sagra said,
June 24, 2008 at 15:58
What amuses me the most is that the first great kerning victory was hand-fed to them. Some Rove-like person planted a forged document and when CBS fell for it, they tipped off the wingers.
Now they actually think they’re document experts.
D.N. Nation said,
June 24, 2008 at 16:01
My father’s name is Donald. When he was little he was both small and strong for his age, so everyone in his family and around his small town called him a made-up diminuitive form of Samson: Sammy. He used this name until he was drafted, at which point it just became easier to go by his government-recognized first game.
Same goes for me. I went by a nickname for my middle name up until college, when it became easier to just go by my first name; all the documents said I was “D,” so I was “D.”
So two things. One, these people are morons. Two, my father was drafted during Vietnam. What were the 101st Keyboardists (or their folks) doing during this time period?
D.N. Nation said,
June 24, 2008 at 16:02
D’oh! First NAME, not game.
cleek said,
June 24, 2008 at 16:03
Conversely, when you enlarge the letters in the Obama image, they start to fall apart — that is, they start losing pixels. This is exactly what happens to bitmapped text created by a graphics program.
as someone who makes a living writing Windows graphics applications, let me say: this person is talking out his ass.
if the letters stay sharp and crisp, especially on the edges, regardless of magnification, you have a .PDF or .PS (or some other vectorized image). if the letters get fuzzy around the edges as you magnify, you have a bitmap, which was more than likely created from a scanner.
and if you have a vectorized image, then we have to ask : where did you get such a thing ? the only image i’ve seen is the scanned (bitmap) version.
Susan of Texas said,
June 24, 2008 at 16:10
I abandonded my childhood nickname for my legal name too. Does that mean I’m black or white? I can’t figure it out.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
June 24, 2008 at 16:17
I’m scared to go deeper into the Freeper pit than the search link in the main post, but there’s snark worthy stuff there too. Here’s the timeline:
June 9: Obama Won’t Release his Birth Certificate.
June 10: Obama Could Debunk Some Rumors By Releasing His Birth Certificate
June 12: Daily Kos posts copy of Obama’s birth certification
June 17: Was Obama’s “Certificate of Birth” manufactured?
June 19: Was Obama’s “Birth Certificate” Photoshopped?
June 21: Obama’s Birth Certificate BAMBOOZLE, Cont.
It’s fucking hilarious. Next up:
Obama could clear up rumours by simply answering the question of whether or not he’s a Muslim.
Obama says he’s not a Muslim.
Did he say “not” I don’t think so.
Voice Analysis indicates a substitute (probably Barry White) was used to deliver the “not” a Muslim line.
If he didn’t say it under oath, he could be lying.
Maybe Robot Double Obama is not a Muslim, but the real Barack Hussein X is Muslim-ier than Allah Ayatollah Mohammed bin Laden.
Andrew A. Gill, SLS said,
June 24, 2008 at 16:40
I’d like to add that, given that this was almost certainly typed out on a type writer
It was clearly printed by laser printer. Hence LASER on the form.
Lasers, by the way, were first demonstrated in 1947, years after the lady was born.
The documents are copies, not originals, and have their dates of issuance embossed into them. Obama’s was from 2007, hers from 2002.
As for concern trolling Free Republic, I have to shower after reading too many of their comments, anyways. I’m not going in there willingly.
Andrew A. Gill, SLS said,
June 24, 2008 at 16:44
Voice Analysis indicates a substitute (probably Barry White) was used to deliver the “not” a Muslim line.
Oh How I wish this were true.
ice weasel said,
June 24, 2008 at 16:49
Normally I would never say this but you have to click on the link to really appreciate just how fucking retarded these asocial imbeciles are. In every post there’s this utterly astounding detachment from reality. The idea that some drooling, half-idiot is going to divine the true nature of this document from examining a JPG scan, it’s just hilarious.
I think that’s maybe the fifith or sixth time I’ve ever been to that site but this time was easily the most fulfilling. I almost pissed myself laughing.
Blue Buddha said,
June 24, 2008 at 16:52
I’m waiting for the moment that if and when it is shown beyond a doubt that this is an official document, the Freepers will claim that Obama threatened and/or bribed state officials to create a birth certificate with false information.
Dan Someone said,
June 24, 2008 at 16:53
I never…imagined we’d get to the point where they were desperately trying to convince the public that he’s not black.
I think the problem the wingers are facing is that they can’t limit who hears their messages. If they could figure out how, I’m sure they would prefer to have the “he’s not black” message heard only by the African-American community, the “he’s not white” message heard only by whites. Instead, they throw all their messages out there and assume that blacks will only hear “he’s not black” and the whites will only hear “he’s a scary black dude.”
Eventually, what will happen is they’ll fall back to “he’s a scary secret Muslim,” because that message will work for everyone except Muslims, and who the hell cares about their votes?
El Cid said,
June 24, 2008 at 16:58
It’s all a trap. If you stare for too long at zoomed images of Obama’s so-called “birth certificate”, you will become hypnotized into thinking this kind of sh*t is the Republicans’ only hope to win.
Jennifer said,
June 24, 2008 at 17:13
In this campaign ad, we see the devious lengths to which Obama has gone to hide his white heritage.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
June 24, 2008 at 17:13
Oh How I wish this were true.
I don’t know why I didn’t know this. I guess it’s that “Whacking Day” episode of the Simpsons that messed me up. Bart and Lisa are still 10 and 8 but that episode is from the 92-93 season.
Kip W said,
June 24, 2008 at 17:21
The kerner’s inquest continues with half the commenters there saying, “This or that point is wrong, however, I still believe his birth certificate is phony.” Faith, you see, is belief in things not seen, so they have that virtue. They also have the virtue of flexibility, alternately decrying that his melanin glass is half full and that it is half empty. They’re very logical, disposing of the tenth-generation disparity between one scan and the other with a simple declaration that they’re both the same level of JPG. With another few keystrokes, they could also declare that they always have been, thus proving, well, everything, to kern a phrase.
Think it over! There must be a kernel of truth in it, or why would these guys be having a kernary attack over it?
Hey, if you squint just right, his name is O b a r n a ! Get me an encyclopedia and hold all my calls while I figure out just what this new bombshell means! Maybe he was born in a barn, which would make him… a horse! Of Course! Of COURSE!
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
June 24, 2008 at 17:30
Normally I would never say this but you have to click on the link to really appreciate just how fucking retarded these asocial imbeciles are. In every post there’s this utterly astounding detachment from reality.
Took your advice. It is actually quite interesting.
The first bunch of replies to the “pineapples to pinapples” post are sane enough to recognize that the whole kerning thing is stupid, even though they’re from idiots who claim that Obama’s a Marxist.
Then the lext layer of idiots comes in. Wow, imagine people stupid enough that there are Freepers think they’re nutjobs.
Also, which one of you is SVW. Talk about goading them into wasting time
That’s fucking genius man. Next thing you know, you’ll have citizen journalists hiding in the bushes outside government offices to find out what type of laser printers they use. Awesome.
Arky - Chuthuhlusexual said,
June 24, 2008 at 17:32
We have a winna.
Yes, they do find the idea of growing up extremely alarming and alien.
Simba B said,
June 24, 2008 at 17:35
Normally I would never say this but you have to click on the link to really appreciate just how fucking retarded these asocial imbeciles are. In every post there’s this utterly astounding detachment from reality.
That’s okay, I’ll trust you on that one.
Andrew A. Gill, SLS said,
June 24, 2008 at 17:53
BREAKING! MUST CREDIT…SOMEONE. I REALLY DON’T CARE.
Barry White’s name was actually Barrence, but he changed it to Barry!
Was he trying to cover up his black heritage?
Smiling Mortician said,
June 24, 2008 at 17:58
Has anyone tried throwing sticks at the wall and seeing what shits?
[empties pockets into Smut's virtual tip jar]
SomeNYGuy said,
June 24, 2008 at 18:06
I’m sure John McCain would have been happy to provide a copy of his birth certificate, but unfortunately it’s carved into the wall of a cave,
sophie brown said,
June 24, 2008 at 18:09
Wow! I happen to have a State of Hawaii birth certificate in my possession [the "son of sophie brown image"]. The letters are kerned just like the Obama certificate. What does this mean? Who is this child I have been raising for 13 year? Where did he come from?
jim said,
June 24, 2008 at 18:25
I clicked in, & for once I’m actually glad I did. Even a total cyber-n00b like me can tell they’re just interpreting the cave-paintings on the walls of their own colons with this. Ahhh, GOP Desperation #5, my new favorite scent. Please let them not notice how hilarious their spastic attempts at Computer Science are, or they might stop the floor-show. Maybe even Photoshop up a few different versions – one with a Masonic icon in the corner, one with some Arabic text, one with the middle name blacked out, etc. – & quietly pass them along, complete with the thrilling tale of how awfully hard it was to get the REAL Osama b/c from the top-secret government file it was hidden in … looks like these clueless po-buckers’ll buy ANYTHING at this point.
To every thing ( kern, kern, kern) there is a season (kern, kern, kern) …
Yet another titanium nail in the coffin of Intelligent Design — unless the Cosmic Architect in question was washing down LSD with tequila, taking double bong-hits & huffing glue.
SomeNYGuy said,
June 24, 2008 at 18:31
Is it that unusual that as people grow up they decide to abandon childhood nicknames and assume their full given name? And this is supposed to be something bad?
John Sidney III is demonstrably (and patriotically) proud of his full given name and never passes up an opportunity to use it in public.
And he steadfastly (and patriotically) continues to live up to his youthful nickname: McNasty.
Jon H said,
June 24, 2008 at 19:19
The alleged Obama birth certificate is clearly fake, as nowhere does it call him a “rough beast” nor is his birthplace given as “slouching towards bethlehem”.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
June 24, 2008 at 19:30
Something else caught my attention at the search page. Hits #’s 2 and 3 are credited to TexasDarling, which takes you back to Agent Flowbee’s. I wonder how the PUMA’s feel about their new Freepers-in-arms?
Oh, and to address TexasDarling’s Question No. 6:
First, Obama’s father was African. Second, the term used probably would be “African” anyways as you don’t see “Caucasian American” on birth certificates. And third, even in 1961 it was only the racists like you that called them niggers.
another jim said,
June 24, 2008 at 19:45
This situation is *completely* fascinating.
It’s rare in life to see such a crystal clear situation of people being so *sure* they are (1) insightful freethinkers (2) on a hunt for the truth (3) to save their country – and in this pursuit they are instead revealing just how much they are ruled by (1) their unexamined assumptions, (2) their own baggage, and (3) how they have no idea what the hell they’re doing.
fardels bear said,
June 24, 2008 at 19:51
Ya know, I was born the same year as Obama. My birth certificate is a negative image of a microfilm: black background w/ white letters. I bet it would make a Freeper’s head explode.
another jim said,
June 24, 2008 at 19:51
Totally agree with the excellently named “jim” re: the stench of desperation.
An explicit, rather self-honest statement along these lines occurs part of the way down:
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2035307/posts
To: jveritas
Well, tell us how to beat him, then; we’re kinda running out of ideas here.
Indeed.
Especially as, even IF due to some alternate-universe displacemtn Obama was actually not a US citizen – this same rule would also disqualify Panama-born McCain.
Love. It.
OneMan said,
June 24, 2008 at 20:01
“…unless the Cosmic Architect in question was washing down LSD with tequila, taking double bong-hits…”
Huh. Sounds a lot like my college years.
Oh. My. … me.
I’M GOD!!
MzNicky said,
June 24, 2008 at 20:11
Hey! Wonder if these guys could find my birth certificate? I need to go down to the DMV, and I can’t find the l’il sucker anywhere.
kenga said,
June 24, 2008 at 20:18
I think we’ve got a pretty sizable pantheon visiting this site regularly …
Doctorb said,
June 24, 2008 at 21:34
Wait, Kenya’s not part of America?
JR said,
June 24, 2008 at 23:22
There has been some serious discussion in the latest No Quarter thread about hiring Dog the Bounty Hunter to investigate. Seriously.
Sadly, No! » Notes On The Larry Johnson Tragedy said,
June 24, 2008 at 23:37
[...] birth certificate — a field of research in which his efforts have exactly paralleled those of the far-right crazies at Free Republic. In fact, you can read the former piece, a stupendously ding-whoop, yar-yar investigative cowflop [...]
Anne Laurie said,
June 24, 2008 at 23:56
Has anyone tried throwing sticks at the wall and seeing what shits?
Well, someone threw a jpeg at the bushes these little twits were hiding in, and from the smell it seems like the answer is “every one of them.”
Righteous Bubba said,
June 24, 2008 at 23:57
If by chance anyone has thrown Styx at a wall, domo arigato.
Andrew A. Gill, SLS said,
June 25, 2008 at 0:50
Has anyone tried throwing sticks at the wall and seeing what shits?
I tried throwing spaghetti, but I guess I should have tried pushing it.
Or pulling it.
Or watching child porn.
Doctorb said,
June 25, 2008 at 1:12
I still say “pushing spaghetti” is really slang for tentacle hentai.
Andrew A. Gill, SLS said,
June 25, 2008 at 1:16
I the only spaghetti I push is in the comfort of my own home with trained culinary professionals. If the trained culinary professionals come from overseas, I use the regionfree player instead.
uptown said,
June 25, 2008 at 5:07
Both originals were printed on laser printers; lower left hand – “OHSM 1.1 (Rev.11/01) LASER”. Also means they were printed after 11/01.
Obama’s copy was scanned on a cheap ass scanner and has probably been compressed to death; the lack of color, that funny look around the letters are due to that.
The comparison version (Decosta’s) looks like a photo, you can even see where it’s been folded.
lobbey said,
June 25, 2008 at 5:09
This one is so far out that old Chuckie at LGF has not jumped on the bandwagon, and he is the expert on typefaces, dont ya know.
However he is banging on & on & on about some Obama seal. I would have read some of his posts to find out what the issue was, but i lost the will to live after about 3 mins, so we’ll just assume, ‘uppity nigger’, shall we.
ahem said,
June 25, 2008 at 8:15
Also means they were printed after 11/01.
Pretty sure that one of the provisions of the PAT RIOT Act (making Irish rioters illegal) was to make those printed copies of birth certs. the only ones accepted as accurate.
Anyway, the Dems need some trained kerners in GOP-heavy precincts to challenge the eligibility of every rich fucking Republican. With that level of bullshit scrutiny, you could probably stop Old Man McCain and his Sugar Momma wife from voting.
Alex said,
June 25, 2008 at 12:33
Look! A plane! IT’S THE CARGO! AT LAST!
Oh bugger, another seagull. Perhaps we need a bit more whitewash on the runway centreline?
Mnemosyne said,
June 26, 2008 at 1:06
Is it that unusual that as people grow up they decide to abandon childhood nicknames and assume their full given name? And this is supposed to be something bad?
Scooter Libby.
I rest my case.
Phillybits said,
July 1, 2008 at 4:41
It’s funny to see conservatives suddenly paying so much attention to detail of type fonts and blown up patterns on a birth certificate when things like the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden are quickly brushed aside under excuses that the man isn’t relevant anymore.