Jun
7

The Pursuit of Dappiness




Posted at 21:02 by Mister Leonard Pierce

As I’m sure you all know, very little in life gives me more pleasure than stupid people getting incredibly irate over totally meaningless things. It’s the reason I post on this site. So when Michelle Obama threw the dap at her husband a few days ago, I prayed a tiny little pray to my good friend Jesus: “Dear Lord in Heaven above,” I said, “If you love me the way I love you, you will let crazy right-wingers totally flip their shit over this utterly noncontroversial event.”

Well, folks, I don’t know about you, but I have proof that Jesus loves me, because not only did every square-butted news magazine in America stand agog and write a hilariously embarrassing “What is this crazy Negro fist-bump, anyway?” article, but enough Fightin’ Keyboarders percieved in the dap elements of gang affiliation, foreign nationialism or terrorist sympathy to keep me in tears all weekend.

To be fair to the wingnuts, most of them focused on the fact that a big deal is being made over nothing, and that the excessive coverage of Barry Obama and his wife throwing dap is sort of embarrassing. This is true, but it’s not funny. So, to be unfair to the wingnuts, many of them reacted exactly the way I hoped they would. Let’s watch!


Above: what really happened, and how the wingnuts saw it

Now, you know and I know that the dap, which even white people have been using since Tupac had a split-level fade, is about as harmless a gesture as the pound (for which it has often been confused during discussions of this non-event by white people). You may even recall seeing living proof of this on The Office, where Oscar and Kevin, not exactly the two most street-savvy characters on the show, exchange it from time to time after getting one over on Angela. But to some people — and by “people”, here, I mean “Freepers” — it’s still a symbol that as soon as Obama takes office, he’s going to go all Robert Mugabe on us:

The “fist bump” is just short of gang signing. Nice going Barry. (“carter”)

***

Fist bump? How charming. And what a marvelous example for all the black kids in projects all over the country…especially Chicago. It legitimizes being a thug and a punk. Nice. (“RexBeach”)

***

A kiss and a hug with your wife is appropriate. A fist pump??….spells Wright’s followers. (“Sacajaweau”)

***

It is more evidence of the penetration and corruption of our dominant culture by the minority. There will be a lot more of this if Obama gets into the White House. (“Ffranco”)

Meanwhile, over at Stop the ACLU, truck-window pinup queen Cassy Fiano is inspired to ‘80s-isms of her own, saying “gag me” at the Obama’s dap display; her commenters are even more blunt, calling the couple “getto [sic]” and expressing fears that next up are “a pimped-out Escalade”, “Spinners on the Presidential Limo”, “grafitti [sic] on Air Force One”, and “pants down around their butts”. Jenn at the Political Jungle finds it necessary to call one of the Obamas, though it’s not clear whether she means Barack or Michelle, a “Long Legged Pimp”, and a delightful “What Black People Are Up To Today” feature on Good Morning Yahoo! also lets the worms crawl out of the woodwork with comments like these:

THE NEXT THING WILL BE A BACKWARD BASEBALL HAT WITH USA FACING TO THE REAR. WILL THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER SOON BE A RAP SONG. (“CDM”)

***

I love the idea of a racist mullato being president. History has shown repeatedly, when Whites set up new countries and then give the control to the blacks, or any non-White race, it will soon collapse into another third world catastrophe. This is exactly what this ‘politically correct’ country needs so people will wake up. I hope OBAMA throws hip hop concerts on the White house lawn! (“heathengrafix”)

***

Obama’s wife is so ghetto!!! Our country will be in big trouble if he is elected!!! A video will be coming out of her telling “whitey to die”. Meaning white people! Higher taxes!!! Barack Hussein Obama??? A Muslim president??? We are fighting Muslim’s in Iraq for goodness sake!!! Come on people! (“Mark”)

***

At least Gore acted like a human. I can’t be denied that just about all their dance moves , walks and crazy handshakes mimik some kind of animal motion. What’s next? the knee in the crotch-hands above the head greeting? or maybe the Elbow thing. Putin will love that. If Prsident Obama disapproves of something will he be grabbing his balls with both hands and telling people where to go? (“cl652000”)

***

Another dispaly how Black “keep it real”-real dumb. Picture Obama and wife having to meet world dignitaries. 1st of all this Punk of a wanna-be presient doesn’t even salute his OWN flag. that will look retarted when the national anthem is played as he stands in front of other world officals. He never mentions race yet he acts more Black everyday. Russia China & Korea come! makes us all slaves now. (“Donnie O.”)

***

You got to be kidding, The fist “bump”, .America “WAKE UP”, You are getting your first taste of what it is going to be like electing Barack HUSSEIN Obama for president. Next you are going to see southern fried chicken, black-eyed peas, corn bread, and watermelon as your daily meal. Let’s not forget what Obama’s middle name is, funny thing, he never wants to use his middle name on his campaign. (“hoooch71”)

***

I find it to be tacky furthermore, it lessens the formal class of the White House. This is exactly what we are possibly letting into our nations leadership. I expect next we may see white house orchestra begin playing “hip hop”. If Obama is elected, I am retiring to the Bahama’s. (“jrw315”)

Amazing! All very informative stuff, but look – we all know that Barack and Michelle Obama are low-class ignorant ghetto gangstas. All you have to do is look at them to know that. The real question is, how does this alien fist-bumping gesture tie into their support of America-hating terrorists? At first, it seemed like granite-headed ex-dignitary Cal Thomas would clear it up for us; his column in Human Events was the first reference we could find to the dap as “’Hezbollah-style’ fist-jabbing”. But apparently, the comment became such an instant laughing-stock that it was removed from the HE website; it’s not even clear whether Thomas himself said it, or if it was a commenter. Less ambiguous, however, were our truth-seeking friends at FOX News; their E.D. Hill teased a typically Melvinish “what does this hep gesture mean to America, Chet?” segment by asking if what the Obamas force on our virgin eyes was “a fist bump? A pound? A terrorist fist jab?

Strangely enough, Hill didn’t mention terrorist fist jabs in the actual piece, leaving millions of Americans uncertain as to whether major league baseball players are sending secret signals to their al-Q’aeda masters following every home run. Come on, FOX! You’re supposed to be on our side!

322 Comments »

  1. Hoosier X said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:13

    I find it to be tacky …

    Give them some credit. They know tacky.

  2. terrorist fist hijabs™²³®© said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:15

    Heh heh heh.

  3. Von Pseud said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:15

    ’Hezbollah-style’ fist-jabbing”

    A complicated dance move, and part of a sequence which includes ‘the Nasrallah nudge’ and ‘the Katyusha splits kick’.

  4. Johnny Coelacanth said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:16

    Obama’s first State of The Union address: “Yo, mad props to my peeps from the White Hizzouse. Smooth word to your mother; let’s implement a policy that exploits the color.”

  5. Gundamhead said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:18

    “History has shown repeatedly, when Whites set up new countries and then give the control to the blacks, or any non-White race, it will soon collapse into another third world catastrophe.”

    History has shown that there has never been a mud troglodyte country that’s ever accomplished anything or ever been anything more than a third world catastrophe.
    Also, those lazy, greedy, criminally inclined mulattoes are the real racists!

    I’m still shocked that people like this actually exist. Why hasn’t John McCain and NRO denounced and rejected them yet? Never mind, I think I know the answer.

  6. Leonard Pierce said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:19

    Obama issues tax rebates to all Americans; claims they “earned that bump like a motherfucker”

  7. Von Pseud said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:20

    …and speaking of the Middle East, has Obama’s latest AIPAC speech tripped into the memory hole already. Admitedly he didn’t get quite the fawning reception afforded Johnny McCain but what sort of people hears that and thinks ‘aha, this man is planning abandon Israel and cede Uncle Sam’s territory to the Caliphate! Flee!’

  8. Von Pseud said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:21

    That last one was full of typos. Apologies.

  9. Blue Buddha said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:24

    Johnny Coelacanth said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:16

    Obama’s first State of The Union address: “Yo, mad props to my peeps from the White Black Hizzouse. Smooth word to your mother; let’s implement a policy that exploits the color.”

    Fixed.

  10. Legalize said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:25

    After Jason Giambi hit a homerun this afternoon, I think I saw him touch knuckles with Hideki Matsui. Now, Matsui, I can understand. He’s not even white, which by definition means that he is not American. On the other hand, Giambi is white, and therefor a proper American. I will be watchful of this dizzying trend. As should we all be. I will catalog every fist-touching among baseball players from now on.

  11. J— said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:27

    If Obama is elected, I am retiring to the Bahama’s.

    You might want to check the islands’ demography first, jrw315.

  12. roy edroso said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:27

    Your post proves you are racist against white people, as I’m sure someone will soon point out.

  13. Johnny Coelacanth said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:27

    I heard that Obama was pushing for a “freestyle battle” rule in any upcoming debates with John McCain. All comments and replies must last no more than two minutes, be in rhyming meter and accompanied by a beat to be chosen by both parties beforehand. If no beat can be agreed to, snippets of James Brown’s “Funky Drummer” will be employed. Debate winners will be based on audience acclamation for the “illest” rhymes and most concise policy summarizations.

  14. Blue Buddha said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:27

    Legalize said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:25

    After Jason Giambi hit a homerun this afternoon, I think I saw him touch knuckles with Hideki Matsui. Now, Matsui, I can understand. He’s not even white, which by definition means that he is not American. On the other hand, Giambi is white, and therefor a proper American.

    You forget that Giambi is one of them greasy wops. You can’t trust them.

  15. J— said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:28

    So how to interpret the forearm bash? And what about José Reyes’ little dance?

  16. Gundamhead said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:30

    I dunno Legalize, “Giambi” sounds like one of those slovenly Mediterraneans. If they are white it’s only just barely. Well as long he’s not some fucking mick or pollack or something.

  17. witty1 said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:31

    Wow, can you be more humorless than the wingnuts? Oh, that’s right, “Half-Hour News Hour”.

  18. poopy Mcpants said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:33

    Baseball has always been sympathetic to terrorists: they don’t call it the suicide squeeze for nothing.

  19. Jim said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:35

    I hope OBAMA throws hip hop concerts on the White house lawn! (“heathengrafix”)

    Man, me too, heathengrafix!
    Seeing as how he’s from Chicago and all, do you think it will be sort of Kanye/Common/Lupe Fiasco blowout?
    Or will it be a celebration of artists from states he’s won?

    Also, I’m deeply saddened to see that none of them haplessly referred to it as “fisting.”

  20. Johnny Coelacanth said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:38

    I’m deeply saddened to see that none of them haplessly referred to it as “fisting.”

    Nah, you would only have seen references to “fisting” if Hillary were the nominee.

  21. cbear said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:39

    I don’t understand all the confusion. Everybody (at NoQuarter) knows that the dap means:

    ‘You betta git me mah money, ho.”

  22. Doctorb said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:42

    To be fair (well, not really), a lot of that is pretty much how I’ve felt about the rise to political prominence of people who think a tie is made out of a string and a rock.

    Of course I really doubt the people worrying about the dap or uh “gang signs” were worried that Bush would put steer horns on Limo One.

  23. tigrismus said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:42

    If Obama is elected, I am retiring to the Bahama’s.

    OMG, I can’t stand the suspense, retiring to the Bahama’s WHAT?!!

  24. Typical Republican said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:44

    If Barack HUSSEIN Obama is elected, the Statue of Libery will be replaced by a giant replica of Aunt Jemima.

    Do you liberals want that?

    Liberals. Hmf.

  25. Summer said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:45

    Anyway, I think I’d be a great class president. So, who wants to eat chiminichangas next year? Not me. See, with me it will be summer all year long. Vote for Summer.

  26. tigrismus said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:49

    I heard that Obama was pushing for a “freestyle battle” rule in any upcoming debates with John McCain.

    The Dozens Debates will be must-see TV.

  27. Soj said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:50

    I’m with J– and tigrismus, that guy is gonna get a BIG surprise once he lands in Nassau ;;)

  28. Hoosier X said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:52

    My favorite:

    A video will be coming out of her telling “whitey to die”. Meaning white people!

    You see, ‘whitey’ is such an awful terrible slur, so offensive, so over-the-line, and so hurtful to white people, that the poster has to explain what it means!

    If Michelle Obama has never said ‘whitey’ in her life, these people have now given her every right to say it whenever she wants.

  29. Jim said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:52

    Typical Republican said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:44

    If Barack HUSSEIN Obama is elected, the Statue of Libery will be replaced by a giant replica of Aunt Jemima.

    Do you liberals want that?

    Would it talk, like the one on the teevee?

    If so, yes. I’ve always wanted a talking statute in the New York Harbor.

  30. tb said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:57

    granite-headed ex-dignitary Cal Thomas

    Really! Granite-headed? I always thought he looked more like a giant slab of loosely-draped jowel with a hamburger patty shaped toupee, sphincter-like eyes and a bitchy little mustache.

  31. jcricket said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:59

    it lessens the formal class of the White House

    Yeah. The current occupant who talks with his mouth full of dinner roll has done such a bang-up job of preserving that.

  32. Jrod said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:59

    Next you are going to see southern fried chicken, black-eyed peas, corn bread, and watermelon as your daily meal.

    Sounds good to me. No collard greens or chitlins for me, though.

    I’ll try the ham hocks, but no promises.

    I can’t be the only pasty white motherfucker who loves fried chicken and watermelon.

  33. Hoosier X said,

    June 7, 2008 at 22:02

    Would it talk, like the one on the teevee?

    I assume it will say, “Die, Whitey, Die!!”

    Wouldn’t you?

  34. jcricket said,

    June 7, 2008 at 22:03

    Count me as another pasty white American for fried chicken and watermelon.

    There are many PWA’s for fried chicken and watermelon. We are legion.

  35. Davis said,

    June 7, 2008 at 22:04

    Well, which is it? They’re ghetto gangstas who will trash the White House, all the while eating watermelon, or latte sipping elitists from the Ivy League? It’s so hard to follow.

  36. Blue Buddha said,

    June 7, 2008 at 22:06

    Jim said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:52

    Typical Republican said,

    June 7, 2008 at 21:44

    If Barack HUSSEIN Obama is elected, the Statue of Libery will be replaced by a giant replica of Aunt Jemima.

    Do you liberals want that?

    Would it talk, like the one on the teevee?

    If so, yes. I’ve always wanted a talking statute in the New York Harbor.

    “Give me yo’ tie-ed, yo’ po’, yo’ huddled masses yurnin’ to breeve free, so I can lif’ mah lamp of syrupy goodness to th’ golden waffle. Mmmm-hm!”

  37. tigrismus said,

    June 7, 2008 at 22:06

    To add to what jcricket said, may I present this. NSFW, wait 3 hours before eating, etc.

  38. c said,

    June 7, 2008 at 22:10

    “Next you are going to see southern fried chicken, black-eyed peas, corn bread, and watermelon as your daily meal.”

    Maybe some nice greens? Sweet potato pie? This is sounding better all the time.

  39. not even an mba said,

    June 7, 2008 at 22:10

    “Give me yo’ tie-ed, yo’ po’, yo’ huddled masses yurnin’ to breeve free, so I can lif’ mah lamp of syrupy goodness to th’ golden waffle. Mmmm-hm!”

    M-Fer, big girl like me, ‘gwine need lossa iced tea

  40. Prospero said,

    June 7, 2008 at 22:12

    A kiss and a hug with your wife is appropriate.

    Uhh, they don’t like it when black people hug, either.

  41. not even an mba said,

    June 7, 2008 at 22:16

    Maybe some nice greens? Sweet potato pie? This is sounding better all the time.

    or collard greens or whatever the hell they serve.

  42. tigrismus said,

    June 7, 2008 at 22:23

    On Monday Zoeller, the 1979 Masters champion, apologized. “My comments were not intended to be racially derogatory, and I apologize for the fact that they were misconstrued in that fashion,” the 45-year-old golfer said.

    Then he gave Woods a jockey costume as a gesture of goodwill.

  43. not even an mba said,

    June 7, 2008 at 22:23

    WTF?! Okay, know that MJ Stephey actually got paid to write

    Others claim the fist bump emerged off the court, citing the Wonder Twins, minor characters in the 1970s Hanna-Barbera superhero cartoon The Superfriends, who famously touched knuckles and cried “Wonder Twin powers, activate!’ before morphing into animals or ice sculptures

    Wonder Twins.

  44. not even an mba said,

    June 7, 2008 at 22:28

    Geez, tigrismus I think I actually pulled something there laughing.
    Perhaps we can hope that unleashing racism against extremely popular men of mixed heritage does the same for a person’s career as it did for Zoeller’s.

  45. not even an mba said,

    June 7, 2008 at 22:43

    I don’t get what the fuss is all about. It’s not like he’s trying to appear hip since fist bump is out man.

  46. Sarcastro said,

    June 7, 2008 at 22:44

    Shorter everybody on the right:

    “Are you berserk? Can’t you see that man is a ni?”

  47. terrorist fist hijabs™²³®© said,

    June 7, 2008 at 22:47

    Pump the Music

  48. not even an mba said,

    June 7, 2008 at 22:55

    Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Nappiness

  49. Jennifer said,

    June 7, 2008 at 22:59

    Gee, my idea for Obama to deliver the SOTU address each year in a different racist stereotype get-up is beginning to seem more and more prescient.

  50. Prospero said,

    June 7, 2008 at 22:59

    “Are you berserk? Can’t you see that man is a ni?”

    We want… a shrubbery!

  51. not even an mba said,

    June 7, 2008 at 23:05

    Let’s not forget what Obama’s middle name is, funny thing, he never wants to use his middle name on his campaign

    Another wonder opportunity to remind folks that his opponent is that ordinary folks-paragon of the people, John Sidney McCain the Third, or JiSM3 as I’m now calling him.

  52. Tom said,

    June 7, 2008 at 23:07

    I just have to say the comments on this site are the funniest on any blog I have ever read. I love reading here. Compare and contrast – comments on this blog to comments on any right-wing blog.

  53. christian h. said,

    June 7, 2008 at 23:15

    Graffiti on Airforce One? Now that would be great. I nice, big, anarchist “A” would go a long way towards making me happy.

  54. Conservative White Guy said,

    June 7, 2008 at 23:20

    It is more evidence of the penetration and corruption of our dominant culture by the minority.

    Yep… next thing you know the young kids will be dancing to that rock and roll that all the darkies like.

  55. Snorghagen said,

    June 7, 2008 at 23:23

    Well, which is it? They’re ghetto gangstas who will trash the White House, all the while eating watermelon, or latte sipping elitists from the Ivy League? It’s so hard to follow.

    They’re atheist Muslim communist elitist watermelon-eating gangstas who are gutlessly ruthless.

  56. Tom said,

    June 7, 2008 at 23:31

    … who are gutlessly ruthless.

    Are you sure? I thought they were ruthlessly gutless?!

    Just checked… damn… my wife ate the last of the watermelon.

  57. terrorist fist hijabs™²³®© said,

    June 7, 2008 at 23:35

    Next thing you know, the obamasexuals will by rutting gothically in the streets.

  58. not even an mba said,

    June 7, 2008 at 23:37

    Ruthlessly gutless or gutlessly ruthless, they are still the worst kind of cowards. The ones with no fear.

  59. stryx said,

    June 7, 2008 at 23:39

    John Sidney McCain the Third,

    aka Jizzle Sizzle MC Trey

    or, as noted, just Jizz for short

  60. not even an mba said,

    June 7, 2008 at 23:42

    JiSM 3: Back in Training

  61. Satan's Dirty Underwear said,

    June 7, 2008 at 23:43

    They do have a point. Consider how badly it will reflect on America when, at a state dinner, Robert Mugabe yells out “Get me some fucking iced tea motherfucker.”

  62. PeeJ said,

    June 7, 2008 at 23:46

    Oh the ignominy! There will be WHITES waiting table for niggers! Our culture is doooooooomed.

  63. cocktailhag said,

    June 7, 2008 at 23:54

    JISM3? Only in McCain’s (not so wet) dreams. That old coot’s gun’s been out of pellets since at least Bush I.

  64. Comrade Rutherford said,

    June 7, 2008 at 23:58

    “I’m still shocked that people like this actually exist (racist bogits). Why hasn’t John McCain and NRO denounced and rejected them yet? ”

    Because they are the GOP base- racist, classist, religious bigots that hate everything all day long every day. This 20% has America hostage, their viewpoint is the only view allowed on TV, where Bush as never done wrong, and all Dems are traitors that deserve gruesome death (get ready, rednecks, President-For-Life Cheney will be issuing his ‘Kristalnacht’ orders between November and January, shortly after he orders Acting-President Bush to unilaterally invade Iran.

  65. fishbane said,

    June 7, 2008 at 23:59

    I’m waiting with bated breath (baited breadth?) for K-Lo to come out against all that butt patting in football. Wait, that’s cultural, sort of like how open container laws don’t apply to Bloomberg, but do at corner bars? My bad.

    If Barack HUSSEIN Obama is elected, the Statue of Libery will be replaced by a giant replica of Aunt Jemima.

    Actually, that would be the best piece of guerrilla art, evar. Where’s Banksy?

  66. mikey said,

    June 8, 2008 at 0:01

    Oh my. It only took one day after Obama became the nominee for the real straight up racial hatred to begin to reveal itself. No more code words and dogwhistles, no sir, those are for those weasily namby-pambies on the TV news. We’re breaking out all the names, all the stereotypes, all the shit we perfected under Jim Crow. Oh goody.

    Y’know, I’m pretty sure McCain’s campaign believes wholeheartedly that it is precisely this kind of virulent ignorance that will get him elected. He’ll have to walk a fine line, but we’ll see him finding myriad ways to support and encourage these knuckle-dragging redneck motherfuckers.

    At the first debate, Obama goes first, using his two minutes to answer the first question. When it comes to McCain, he merely takes a bucket and sponge out from behind his podium, walks over to Obama, sets it down and says disdainfully “wash my car, boy” and strides off the stage.

    You watch…

    mikey

  67. PeeJ said,

    June 8, 2008 at 0:01

    Hag: He may have shot his final wad long ago but he’s been collecting Rove’s and Bush’s for years now. I’m sure he’s got a large reservoir.

  68. left-wing hyper-liberals™²³®© said,

    June 8, 2008 at 0:06

    PeeJ said,

    June 8, 2008 at 0:01

    Hag: He may have shot his final wad long ago but he’s been collecting Rove’s and Bush’s for years now. I’m sure he’s got a large reservoir.

    Icky! So who’s got the bigger collection, McSame of Holy Joe Liarman?

  69. left-wing hyper-liberals™²³®© said,

    June 8, 2008 at 0:06

    Um, or. or Oar.

    P.S. (a)bated breath.

  70. stryx said,

    June 8, 2008 at 0:07

    Barry X, January, 2009:

    So the concept is this, basically: The whole black nation has to be put together as a black army and we’re going to walk on this nation. We’re going to walk on this racist power structure. And we’re going to say to the whole damn government, ´´Stick ‘em up, motherfucker. This is a hold-up! We come for what’s ours!”

  71. fishbane said,

    June 8, 2008 at 0:08

    He may have shot his final wad long ago but he’s been collecting Rove’s and Bush’s for years now. I’m sure he’s got a large reservoir.

    This is probably obscure, but there’s a scene in _Complicity_ by Ian Banks that came to mind here… shudder.

  72. Raznor said,

    June 8, 2008 at 0:12

    Next you are going to see southern fried chicken, black-eyed peas, corn bread, and watermelon as your daily meal

    That sounds AWESOME!

    Also:

    I hope OBAMA throws hip hop concerts on the White house lawn

    Ooh, me too. That would rock so hard! It would be the greatest use of the White House front lawn since Teddy Roosevelt challenged all comers to bare knuckle boxing!

  73. stryx said,

    June 8, 2008 at 0:13

    Barry X, First address to the Nation:

    Explaining 10 things he’s like to accomplish.

  74. cocktailhag said,

    June 8, 2008 at 0:16

    PeeJ, LWHL, and fishbane… There’s an award we have over at UT; we call it the HurlCheck. Y’all get to split the prize three ways, while I try not to contemplate Holy Joe and the Cancerous Coot wiping their chins.

  75. J Edgar said,

    June 8, 2008 at 0:19

    From the Time magazine link:
    The origins of the bump are murky, though most communication experts agree on …

    If I was a communications expert I think the origins of the bump would be really, really low on my … Wait a minute, I read the rest of that article. They interviewed communications majors, not experts. Wonder Twins, my ass.

  76. Comrade Rutherford said,

    June 8, 2008 at 0:23

    “Your post proves you are racist against white people, as I’m sure someone will soon point out.”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahahahahahaha!

    (breath)

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahahahahahahahahah!

    Roy Edroso, dumbest person in the world?

    ***********************

    c said-
    “Sweet potato pie?”

    No, bean pie, apparently. McCain supporter Larry Johnson has photos of Michele Obama in the same room as Mrs. Farrakhan, proving for all time that Senator Obama is controlled by the Nation of Islam.

    And for those that don’t know, the Nation of Islam, in suits with bow ties, hawk their wares at the traffic light at the foot of the Brooklyn Bridge, The Final Call and bean pies…

    ******

    JiSM 3

    Phew!

  77. Mauro said,

    June 8, 2008 at 0:25

    Hi, I’m a right-winger. I’m smart! I make mountains out of holes when there aren’t any molehills. I think Obama’s an Arab, and we’re fighting Arabs out in Iran, so we shouldn’t elect him as president; also, he’s a member of a black gang, since he’s black. What? You say the dominant ethnicity of Iran isn’t Arab? That is a Hezbollah-style comment, a Hamas-appeasing comment. I’m a right-winger; facts are of no consequence to me. Also, completely irrelevant and inconsequential things are of great consequence to me. And black people should never have power over white people, because that always leads to major disaster — you saw what happened with Kofi Annan. If Obama wins, I’m moving to the Bahamas, where there aren’t any black people.

    Heil Bush!

  78. Arakasi said,

    June 8, 2008 at 0:25

    Gee, my idea for Obama to deliver the SOTU address each year in a different racist stereotype get-up is beginning to seem more and more prescient.

    Naw… What Obama needs to do is stand up before the nation and give the STFU address.

    If he does that, I’ll be the first in line to call for the repeal of the 22nd Ammendment so we can elect him “President for Life”

  79. Nylund said,

    June 8, 2008 at 0:27

    It was already confusing with the whole “Obama is a muslim vs. Obama is a scary black Christian!” and now we gotta deal with , “Obama the jambon-buying elitist vs. Obama the black guy who fist pumps his ghetto queen”.

    And I thought the dems were torn! The GOP really needs to get on the same page when it comes to their crazy wingnut internet memes.

    And poor Pammy Atlas, always the bridesmaid, never the bride, totally out of the loop trying to prove that Obama actually isn’t even black at all (still on the muslim/arab thing) and has nothing in common with real African Americans.

  80. tigrismus said,

    June 8, 2008 at 0:29

    It is more evidence of the penetration and corruption of our dominant culture by the minority.

    That is so HOT.

  81. Joe Max said,

    June 8, 2008 at 0:31

    I find it to be tacky furthermore, it lessens the formal class of the White House.

    Of course. Our presidents should use proper and dignified hand gestures at all times in public, like George Bush:

    http://www.thebirdman.org/Index/Others/Others-Doc-ConspiracyTheory&NWO/+Doc-ConspiracyTheory-NWOSymbols&Signatures/DoesBushMakeSatanicSigns.htm

    And always refrain from vulgar expressions of greeting:

    http://meaningfuldistractions.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/bushchest1.jpg?w=450&h=311

  82. pokeybob said,

    June 8, 2008 at 0:31

    I want to thank all of you for the laughs. I read the right wings blogs and just get depressed. But here I get to spew my chocolate milk all over the keyboard and screen. Again…thanks a heap.

  83. tigrismus said,

    June 8, 2008 at 0:32

    Comrade Rutherford, sarcasm is always what’s for dinner at Roy’s place.

  84. Bobby said,

    June 8, 2008 at 0:33

    How does someone write angrily about a “racist mullato[sic]” and not die laughing at themselves?

  85. Joe Max said,

    June 8, 2008 at 0:41

    “A video will be coming out of her telling “whitey to die”. Meaning white people!”

    “Naw, man that was about Whitey DeLuca, our ex-manager. He burned us for fifty g’s! And he weren’t even really white, he was like Italian or some shit… I mean, do I look like the kinda mo’fo that would kill a whole lotta white people?!?”

  86. El Cid said,

    June 8, 2008 at 0:42

    I think we should encourage right wing “citizen journalists” to expose the massive anti-white racism of the Obama campaign by going undercover and following them in blackface.

  87. ortho-bob said,

    June 8, 2008 at 0:47

    I dunno about you guys, but I think we’re in for a fun few months if this is the kind of tepid poop the wingnut monkeys are flinging.

    And I like both collard greens and arugula.

  88. fishbane said,

    June 8, 2008 at 0:48

    PeeJ, LWHL, and fishbane… There’s an award we have over at UT; we call it the HurlCheck. Y’all get to split the prize three ways, while I try not to contemplate Holy Joe and the Cancerous Coot wiping their chins.

    Thank you for the honor (and is that U Texas, or one of the U. TNs? I’ve got a pall in the latter, humping for tenure), but I think your contemplation is off. See, they use those yoga tongue scraper things, repurposed, and a special little jar. Because every drop is special. Like a snowflake. Surely you wouldn’t just shovel snowflakes, given how special they are, would you?

  89. cocktailhag said,

    June 8, 2008 at 0:57

    fishbane…
    UT is Glenn Greenwald’s blog at Salon, the only place where I’m much more than a lurker.
    I just started showing up here after my great and infamous evening with Gavin, Marita, et al here in Portland.
    Yoga scraper? That’s even gnarlier than your last prize winner, and equally vivid. Once the jar gets full, do they get out a turkey baster? Mary Cheney and the Park Ranger may be ready for another bundle of joy.

  90. Dough Hammer's Anvil said,

    June 8, 2008 at 0:57

    “And I like both collard greens and arugula.”

    Racist!1!! Also Cleopatra was white, South Africa would have turned out just fine without sanctions and MLK would have voted for Ronald Reagan. Why? Shut up that’s why! Yet more proof that Hippies, in voting for a Black candidate, are the true racists.

  91. Lesley said,

    June 8, 2008 at 1:07

    Meanwhile, Ann Althouse ,not so subtly, defends Mark’s Steyn’s right to be an asshole.

  92. PeeJ said,

    June 8, 2008 at 1:10

    MLK would have voted for Ronald Reagan.

    Heh. SubHuman Events is pushing the Black Republican Ass’n. (aka Uncle Tom Society) campaign to remind people that ZOMG! MLK was a Republican!

    It’s too whacky for words really and the level of desperation is awesomely amusing. …. Apparently it was purely an email thing so no linky, sorry.

  93. PeeJ said,

    June 8, 2008 at 1:14

    First time I ever read comments over there at Anne’s AltRealityHaus.

    Love this one from AllenS:

    I can hardly wait for the first person to critize President Obama. Our standards of journalism aren’t that great now. They certainly can get worse. Especially if there is a constant fear of being called a racist. Something that happens all too often now.

    Isn’t that precious? How often do people call you racist, AllenS? Ever wonder why? Nah, of course you don’t.

  94. Doctorb said,

    June 8, 2008 at 1:15

    Cleopatra was a Ptolemy, which is to say a highly-inbred Macedonian.

  95. Ann Althouse said,

    June 8, 2008 at 1:17

    I’m a popular topic here, PeeJ.

    It’s all about meeeee…..

  96. fishbane said,

    June 8, 2008 at 1:21

    Oh, that UT. Sorry. I’ve been poisoned by academics, clearly.

    Don’t get me started on the… interesting… things new agers do. Working at a magazine devoted to their enlightened lifestyle left me privy to enough details to send me to NYC and smoke more.

    When the jar gets full, I suspect they breed off another round of talking heads, but I can’t prove that. I would encourage anyone with knowledge of Ben Stein’s parent’s proclivities to please step up. Or his parents, or zombie parents, as the case may be. I can’t imagine they’re all that proud at the moment.

  97. tigrismus said,

    June 8, 2008 at 1:23

    campaign to remind people that ZOMG! MLK was a Republican!

    I know a guy who even at this late date refuses to celebrate MLK day because Dr King was a communist, and I know he’s not the only right wing nutter to believe that.

  98. fishbane said,

    June 8, 2008 at 1:27

    It’s all about meeeee…..

    Ann, we know that. The fact that you think you’re being funny just reaffirms it. I’ll invite you to an intellectually interesting debate when you promise not to run away crying again.

  99. site slicing said,

    June 8, 2008 at 1:27

    Thanks for the information.

  100. Smut Clyde said,

    June 8, 2008 at 1:32

    If Barack HUSSEIN Obama is elected, the Statue of Libery will be replaced by a giant replica of Aunt Jemima.

    If Zombie Chaes Oldenburg is elected, the Statue of Liberty will be replaced by a giant electric fan, while a giant gear-stick lever will take the place of Nelson’s Column in London

  101. Woodrowfan said,

    June 8, 2008 at 1:33

    Oh my. It only took one day after Obama became the nominee for the real straight up racial hatred to begin to reveal itself.

    hell, I’m surprised it took THAT long. I took 30 minutes in the pool.

  102. Smiling Mortician said,

    June 8, 2008 at 1:34

    The origins of the bump are murky

    Nah. I remember it clearly. It was 1977, right before the Hustle.

  103. Doc Washboard said,

    June 8, 2008 at 1:34

    fist pumps his ghetto queen

    It is more evidence of the penetration and corruption of our dominant culture

    This thread gets better and better.

    Future Madam First Lady Obama, by the way, is kind of hot.

  104. Smut Clyde said,

    June 8, 2008 at 1:34

    In that photograph at the left, Michelle Obama seems to have a ninja knife strapped to her right arm.
    Some people will say that it is merely a microphone in the foreground, but we know better.

  105. Woodrowfan said,

    June 8, 2008 at 1:36

    But here I get to spew my chocolate milk all over the keyboard and screen.

    Not WHITE milk? Damn, it’s started already and he’s not even elected yet!

  106. cocktailhag said,

    June 8, 2008 at 1:36

    Don’t worry… Being poisoned by academics couldn’t possibly be worse than being turkey-bastered out of that jar. Or worse yet, being the Hell-spawn of such genetic malpractice. Whose fetid squirt do you think brought forth Tom Friedman? Joe Klein? And what about poor Maureen Dowd? The mind boggles, and the HurlCheck arrow swings to “Tilt.”

  107. Smut Clyde said,

    June 8, 2008 at 1:40

    It is more evidence of the penetration and corruption of our dominant culture by the minority.
    When the police entered the room, our dominant culture was wearing a leather corset and fishnet stockings, and was tied face-down to a table. Later inquiries revealed that the scene was entirely consensual, and no charges were laid.

  108. Hoosier X said,

    June 8, 2008 at 1:41

    I think we should encourage right wing “citizen journalists” to expose the massive anti-white racism of the Obama campaign by going undercover and following them in blackface.

    Dude.

    Sasha Baron Cohen should create a conservative Boratish character and do this.

    I don’t see how it could be half as funny as what’s going through my head right now.

  109. Samwise said,

    June 8, 2008 at 1:42

    “And I like both collard greens and arugula”

    Here in the heartland we prefer freedom and iceberg.

  110. Smiling Mortician said,

    June 8, 2008 at 1:42

    When the police entered the room, our dominant culture was wearing a leather corset and fishnet stockings, and was tied face-down to a table.

    The minority was in the corner, pointing and laughing.

  111. Monkay said,

    June 8, 2008 at 1:43

    Something I saw, which I haven’t heard anything about: Barack went for the mouth kiss, Michelle gave him the dodge-and-cheek-kiss, he looked hurt and pouty (in a totally adorable way!)

  112. Our dominant culture said,

    June 8, 2008 at 1:46

    What can I say? Sometimes you just need to switch roles, unbend a bit, take a walk on the wild side.
    I sincerely apologise for any embarrassment I have caused to my family and my supporters.

  113. mikey said,

    June 8, 2008 at 1:46

    There are many ways to shake a hand
    Across this wide and varied land
    Traditional grip can seem so staid
    But a variation? I’m afraid

    When under pressure for many long days
    People bond in various ways
    Barack and Michelle are charming indeed
    Their love and comitment is easy to read

    Call it a fist bump or call it a dap
    I call it honest, simple as that
    They aren’t bush and cheney, that’s for sure
    And they won’t fall apart under the attack du jour

    The right wing monsters can continue to try
    To recast the Obamas as some kind of lie
    But if you’d like to know what I think
    I’m voting Obama. Now get me a drink.

    mikey

  114. SamFromUtah said,

    June 8, 2008 at 1:52

    If Barack HUSSEIN Obama is elected, the Statue of Libery will be replaced by a giant replica of Aunt Jemima. Do you liberals want that?

    You mean that French statue? I’d have thought a Typical Republican would be all over that.

    But seriously, I’m so out of touch with these Islamofascist-gangsta hand signs that before this incident the only place I’d ever seen the word “Dap” was on a can of spackle.

  115. Smut Clyde said,

    June 8, 2008 at 1:52

    In my imaginary hardback copy of Mikey’s poem, the illustrations are by Dr Suess.

  116. g said,

    June 8, 2008 at 1:58

    It is more evidence of the penetration and corruption of our dominant culture by the minority. There will be a lot more of this if Obama gets into the White House.

    Why next thing you know our impressionable young teenagers will be dancing the twist and that wild jitterbug dance!

  117. goat or panic said,

    June 8, 2008 at 2:03

    Just for grins, here’s a picture of Bush doing the “Dap” with the pope.

    http://absurddebate.blogspot.com/2007/06/fromer-nazi-youth-questions-validity-of.html

    Oh, and FYI, if you do a Google image search for “Bush-fist-pound” be prepared for some very unpleasant pix.

  118. Trabb's Boy said,

    June 8, 2008 at 2:04

    Mister Leonard, please tell us you’ll go to the Republican National Convention. Please?

  119. g said,

    June 8, 2008 at 2:11

    Next you are going to see southern fried chicken, black-eyed peas, corn bread, and watermelon as your daily meal.

    Horrors!

    Such strange and peculiar food those black people eat! No white person would ever introduce such bizzare customs to our great American culture!

  120. Righteous Bubba said,

    June 8, 2008 at 2:12

    The “fist bump” is just short of gang signing.

    Excellent! It’s not a gang sign!

  121. Me said,

    June 8, 2008 at 2:14

    If President Obama disapproves of something will he be grabbing his balls with both hands and telling people where to go?

    Somebody already tried that for the past eight years.

  122. g said,

    June 8, 2008 at 2:16

    It’s beyond depressing to think that there is actually a person in America who thinks fried chicken is emblematically black.

    And that the “culture” of people who’ve been in this nation over 200 years, and who cooked, cleaned, cared for the babies of affluent people throughout much of that time is an “alien” culture.

    It’s beyond funny, though, to think that there is actually a person in America who thinks typical white American culture HASN’T been shaped by black folks.

  123. Smiling Mortician said,

    June 8, 2008 at 2:23

    Now, g. You know in your heart of hearts that Elvis came up with that sound all by his lonesome.

  124. Me said,

    June 8, 2008 at 2:27

    JISM3? Only in McCain’s (not so wet) dreams. That old coot’s gun’s been out of pellets since at least Bush I.

    Ahem. I’d prefer you call her Carol.

  125. Lesley said,

    June 8, 2008 at 2:28

    I was hoping the end of Bush & Co would mean an end to the asinininny wingnut hysteria but it just seems to be getting weirder and worse all the time.

    Will the madness never end?

  126. mikey said,

    June 8, 2008 at 2:28

    …will he be grabbing his balls with both hands and telling people where to go?

    Ok. I just tried this. I’m gonna take the position that if you can actually grab your balls with both hands, you need to see a doctor right away.

    I mean, sure, you can use your fingertips and thumbs, but this doesn’t seem to represent the true spirit of “with both hand” and besides, you need to do it with your pants off, which I don’t think is what they had in mind here.

    Hang on, I’m gonna try it a few other ways and I’ll get back to you.

    Stand by…

    mikey

  127. Smiling Mortician said,

    June 8, 2008 at 2:36

    God help me, mikey, I’m waiting.

  128. Smut Clyde said,

    June 8, 2008 at 2:36

    and who cooked, cleaned, cared for the babies of affluent people

    I cn hz cookbook?

  129. cocktailhag said,

    June 8, 2008 at 2:43

    I join Smiling Mortician in the Peanut Gallery to await the results of your scientific experiment, mikey.
    Will you be posting the results of this undeniably worthy scientific endeavor online?
    Maybe the Discovery Institute would be interested in this important Balls/Paws inquiry.

  130. not even an mba said,

    June 8, 2008 at 2:44

    Actually mikey, I think I’ll stand way over here- if you don’t mind.

  131. Smut Clyde said,

    June 8, 2008 at 2:53

    Do not google “elephantiasis + scrotum”. Do not go there. This is a public health advisory message.

  132. mikey said,

    June 8, 2008 at 2:58

    In fact, if you google “anything” + “scrotum” you are looking for trouble.

    The scrotum, while functional, much like the sherman tank and the Microsoft Access interface, is not something that should be examined in great detail.

    Yeah.

    Just sayin…

    mikey

  133. alec said,

    June 8, 2008 at 3:02

    a) You know, for the record, I honestly think crotch-grabbing is an invaluable diplomatic tool. Why haven’t we come to terms with this?

    b) I’ve loved the fuck out of Obama and Clinton inadvertently exhibiting the racist/misogynist totem behaviors that these people live to catalogue among the filthy darkies/bitches. We’ve all done the damn dab, and even if we don’t make a habit of it it’s not particularly unusual; calling it a ‘gang sign’ is particularly ridiculous – and that’s not taking into account that, you know, kids these days throw around gang signs in a way that makes people of Obama’s generation uncomfortable! My little brothers do. The idea of specific ‘signs’ corresponding to gangs is kind of ridiculous; it’s just another way to pretend that blacks are secretly hiding how horrible they all are, and the idea doesn’t make sense if you’re not hoping they are.
    Seriously: nobody but these fucking loons cares about this kind of thing. When they start openly freaking out about it, the other 90% of the country has to come fully to terms with the fact that all of the FUD about Obama being a secret Iran-backing Muslim radical negro is, in fact, coming from lunatics who probably resent Lincoln emancipating the slaves.

    If I were Obama, a major part of my campaign would be creating little tableaux like this, so the worst racists would be in continuous ablackalypse meltdown mode. And nobody would be able to even pretend in good faith that these people are anything but fucking lunatics.

    A VOTE FOR OBAMA IS A VOTE FOR “RAP”!!!!!!!!!

  134. Balloon Juice said,

    June 8, 2008 at 3:09

    [...] Egads. I said a long time ago, and I’ll say it again, maybe the best thing that Obama could do for the race issue is expose the festering ids that would normally stay buried if a black guy wasn’t about to become President of the freaking United States. It’s like lancing a deep festering wound to let the pus out. Eventually the haters will have had their say, and Obama will still be President, and they won’t have anything more to add to the conversation. Then the best possible resolution will come to the American race discussion as far as I’m concerned: we’ll get tired of it and talk about something else. [...]

  135. Proteus454 said,

    June 8, 2008 at 3:12

    Easy, mikey. Squat. Or bend over.

  136. not even an mba said,

    June 8, 2008 at 3:13

    Perhaps the two-handed crotch grab isn’t actually a grab, but instead refers to this.
    And even though Trips and HBK suck for never putting anyone over, DX in the White House would be awesome.

  137. JET said,

    June 8, 2008 at 3:23

    Obama’s wife is so ghetto!!! Our country will be in big trouble if he is elected!!! A video will be coming out of her telling “whitey to die”. Meaning white people! Higher taxes!!! Barack Hussein Obama??? A Muslim president??? We are fighting Muslim’s in Iraq for goodness sake!!! Come on people!

    Why does this screed end in an exhortation to ejaculate on others?

  138. D.N. Nation said,

    June 8, 2008 at 3:24

    This just in! http://noquarterusa.net/blog/2008/06/07/an-update-on-the-michelle-obama-rant/

    Larry Johnson is now actually bathing himself in his own shit. He’s getting it in every pore, even taking a swig or seven of it.

  139. edub said,

    June 8, 2008 at 3:24

    Ignorant whitey reporting in here. . .

    Had no idea what dap was until I saw the entry on Urban Dictionary. I’ve been looking at Urban Dictionary a lot lately, because I’m reading Richard Price’s Lush Life. It has a lot of street cred, it’s full of cheddar and eyewits and other stuff whiteys like me gotta look up.

    Anyway, main gangsta character is named. . . .Little Dap.

    In other words, it’s a full circle moment.

  140. gary rudepart said,

    June 8, 2008 at 3:24

    The fact is, Terrorist Fist Jab’s first album will be available shortly on the Kill Whitey label.

  141. Larry Johnson said,

    June 8, 2008 at 3:38

    The fact is, I have a small penis and I poop my pants and I like to hump stumps and I’m actually a fucking idiot and they should commit me to an asylum because I eat my own feces and then fling the rest at the walls to make up for me being an incompetent, incontinent asshole freak piece of fucking shit.

  142. tigrismus said,

    June 8, 2008 at 3:40

    Oh, edub, “plaguerized” is my new favorite word.

  143. ifthethunderdontgetya™²³®© said,

    June 8, 2008 at 3:40

    Dr. S.C., your baby cooking secrets are here.

    /Batwinged Tannenbaum Rex

  144. mikey said,

    June 8, 2008 at 3:41

    Ok. Here’s a confession for y’all.

    They dropped me into SVN in the spring of 1970. A lot of the really bad race horrors were behind us. We really were winding down. Fighting the NVA? Sure. Fragging each other? Less any kind of a deal. But there was still a lot of racial identity, and a lot of white guys bonding with the brothers. The “dap” was a very complex series of tightly choreographed handshaking maneuvers.

    So there was I. My brain doesn’t do large scale pattern matching. I’d get it wrong every time. I could never keep the sequence straight. The cool thing was that the brothers quickly realized that I wasn’t a cracker motherfucker, I was just helpless with the whole dapping shit. So they would actually make up an abreviated version for me so I wouldn’t feel like such an ass.

    And when the B40s and the mortars started falling, we were all better than friends, I can tell you that.

    So dap this, mothers…

    mikey

  145. g said,

    June 8, 2008 at 3:41

    So using slang you hear other people using is now “palguerizm?” who knew?

    Let me apologize to the original author of “the bee’s knees.”

  146. edub said,

    June 8, 2008 at 3:42

    Oh, edub, “plaguerized” is my new favorite word.

    Is that what unethical microbiology students do? At least until they’re caught by librainians?

  147. nuxge said,

    June 8, 2008 at 3:46

    whites who support Obama are self-hating whites

    ya heard, snowflake

  148. Sir William said,

    June 8, 2008 at 3:46

    It was already confusing with the whole “Obama is a muslim vs. Obama is a scary black Christian!” and now we gotta deal with , “Obama the jambon-buying elitist vs. Obama the black guy who fist pumps his ghetto queen”.

    Obama is a the Heisenberg Uncertainty Politician: you can either measure his faith in Allah, or you can measure his slavish devotion to the Black Christ, but not both at the same time.

  149. Ripley said,

    June 8, 2008 at 3:50

    Don’t mess with the motherfuckin’ Apple Dumpling Gang. They’ll fuck you up.

    Word to your Hezbollah mother, yo!

  150. Djur said,

    June 8, 2008 at 3:52

    If I were Obama, a major part of my campaign would be creating little tableaux like this, so the worst racists would be in continuous ablackalypse meltdown mode.

    I want Senator Hussein X to throw the P-Funk sign. I’d be interested to see what percentage of the lunatics say it’s devil horns versus a gang sign versus a black power fist.

  151. J— said,

    June 8, 2008 at 3:55

    From D.N. Nation’s link:

    Why does this “tape” of Michelle Obama matter? The folks who have it are working to elect John McCain. They are using it now to raise money for a 527 effort that will attack Barack Obama. I am told that they fully intend to keep this “off-the-market” until after the Democratic Convention.

    What a surprise.

    The 527s are going to come down like rain this fall.

  152. Rightwingsnarkle said,

    June 8, 2008 at 3:55

    On these matters, I depend entirely upon the astute stylin’s of teh BagNewsNotes.

    Damn straight, motherfuckers. I am definitely voting for the black dude.

  153. Oprah said,

    June 8, 2008 at 3:55

    I iz in ur toob-a-visio
    Plaguerizing ur new car for everyone

  154. not even an mba said,

    June 8, 2008 at 3:58

    I don’t know why these people can’t relate to their wives in a more respectful way.

  155. Some Guy said,

    June 8, 2008 at 4:06

    “A video will be coming out of her telling “whitey to die”. Meaning white people!”

    So.
    Many many years ago.

    There was a Doonesbury story arc. About a young, sheltered white kid attending a mostly-black school. A local black school ass-hat gives him a hard time, and, in a fit of flustered frustration, the white kids lashes out, “Why you… you… HONKY!” Then proceeds to double check his notes his mother gave him to see if he had done the insult right.

    Wingnuts: you are that white kid.
    How is Bush meeting with world leaders by slumping and splaying out on his chair, legs spread wide like he’s vegging at home watching the Big Game in nothing but sweat pants and a stained wife beater, somehow not embarrassing to these people?

    “Let’s not forget what Obama’s middle name is, funny thing, he never wants to use his middle name on his campaign. (“hoooch71”)”

    Like every president before him has, nigh but hinging their entire campaign and platform on their middle names.

    This would be funny if it wasn’t so sad.

  156. stryx said,

    June 8, 2008 at 4:07

    I can’t wait until Obama’s speech on the last night of the Democratic Convention, when he finishes his acceptance speech with the phrase, ‘America, what set you claimin’?’ at which point the crowd goes wild and begins chanting What set you claimin’? What set you claimin? for the rest of the night.

    Good times…

  157. MrSparkle said,

    June 8, 2008 at 4:08

    Wow, these wingnuts have really sunk to the point where they are growing an entire field of straw for the sole purpose of grasping at it to spout non-troversies on Obama.

    Why are we afraid of these clowns again?

  158. tigrismus said,

    June 8, 2008 at 4:12

    Is that what unethical microbiology students do? At least until they’re caught by librainians?

    That reminds me, I’ve always wanted an old timey nephrology head.

  159. not even an mba said,

    June 8, 2008 at 4:13

    My lesson for the day, from Donnie O. Old Europe and the Islamo-leftists are no longer a threat.

    Russia China & Korea come! makes us all slaves now.

    I mean seriously, Korea? Well, I guess Donnie was trying to put together the conclusive list, but he forgot Poland.

  160. Snorghagen said,

    June 8, 2008 at 4:18

    The “fist bump” is just short of gang signing.
    ———————————-
    Excellent! It’s not a gang sign!

    No, it is a gang sign. It’s just a gang sign for short gangs. Midget bikers, dwarf thugs, that sort of thing.

  161. Smut Clyde said,

    June 8, 2008 at 4:18

    they are growing an entire field of straw for the sole purpose of grasping at it
    That’s dual-use straw, I’ll have you know. Yes, in its civilian role it can be grasped at, or used to conceal needles, but in unscrupulous hands it can easily be weaponised and used for breaking the backs of camels.

  162. Hoosier X said,

    June 8, 2008 at 4:19

    Why are we afraid of these clowns again?

    ‘Cause they “win”?

  163. tigrismus said,

    June 8, 2008 at 4:19

    “A video will be coming out of her telling “whitey to die”. Meaning white people!”

    Oh Lord, Obama’s sunk! You remember what happened when it became known that Bush’s wife had actually killed a white guy? GAME OVER

  164. Smut Clyde said,

    June 8, 2008 at 4:22

    It’s just a gang sign for short gangs. Midget bikers, dwarf thugs, that sort of thing.
    Documentary proof.

  165. not even an mba said,

    June 8, 2008 at 4:23

    Smut Clyde,
    I also hear tell that some of that there straw is destined to be fashioned into the shape of men. Perhaps we should gather round the villagers, for that sounds like messing in the realm of unnatural syllogism.

  166. jeff said,

    June 8, 2008 at 4:25

    It is more evidence of the penetration and corruption of our dominant culture by the minority. There will be a lot more of this if Obama gets into the White House. (“Ffranco”)

    Is this poster naming himself after Fransico Franco???????

  167. Anne Laurie said,

    June 8, 2008 at 4:30

    Of course I really doubt the people worrying about the dap or uh “gang signs” were worried that Bush would put steer horns on Limo One.

    Oh, those people will be all over Bush’s post-Presidential ride — the “ranch” pickup with the giant vinyl trailer-hitch ‘nads (still legal in Florida!)…

    Emblazened with the Presidential seal, of course!

    Hey, the half-billion-dollar “Bush Lie-berry” is hardly going to pay its maintenance fees of the sales of written materials in the souvenir shop, right?

  168. Alkali Bill said,

    June 8, 2008 at 4:45

    Mulatto? Are you sure? Perhaps they are octaroons.

  169. Brandi said,

    June 8, 2008 at 4:45

    Such strange and peculiar food those black people eat! No white person would ever introduce such bizzare customs to our great American culture!

    “[Watermelon] is the chief of this world’s luxuries, king by the grace of God over all the fruits of the earth. When one has tasted it, he knows what the angels eat. It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve took; we know it because she repented.”

    – Mark Twain, stealth Negro.

  170. Meanwhile, Out West™²³®© said,

    June 8, 2008 at 4:46

    Hey, the half-billion-dollar “Bush Lie-berry” is hardly going to pay its maintenance fees of the sales of written materials in the souvenir shop, right?


    Don’t worry, Anne.

    There’ll be hot pepper sauces, chili recipes, weed clearing tools for one’s “ranch”, and of course, wingnut welfare.

  171. stryx said,

    June 8, 2008 at 4:53

    We’re afraid of some little hand gesture, when just this week we had documentary evidence of Bush and his obscure gang signs?

  172. The J Train said,

    June 8, 2008 at 4:56

    It’s a little known fact that Obama has been both a Crip and a Blood, as well as a Warrior, a Latin King, and a Newsie.

  173. Rightwingsnarkle said,

    June 8, 2008 at 4:57

    I mean seriously, Korea?

    Hey, man, never underestimate kimchee.

  174. stryx said,

    June 8, 2008 at 5:02

    a Southern watermelon

    The other day I think it was Righteous Bubba who brought up Cormac McCarthy’s Sutree. The glorious sun-ripened watermelon plays a pivotal role in the love life of one of the central (white) characters.

  175. John O said,

    June 8, 2008 at 5:06

    Busted by the “spam checking system” at S,N?!!!!!

    Damn. It was good post about how I think M. Obama may, indeed, have said something that could be construed as anti-white, even if doctored or irrelevant. Just a personal guess.

    And how I think assuming the best is naive. And about how I would be just like her if I was a private black person my entire life.

    Damn. C’mon, Master L.P., I sure would like it if you could dig it out. I spent a fair amount of time on it, and the rejection was a first.

  176. John O said,

    June 8, 2008 at 5:10

    It was ’bout how having a spouse strong enough not to go all Stepford on me is a plus.

    It was about the folly of minimizing the racist vote the GOP will depend on this fall.

    It was about the modern age, where every damn thing was taped someplace.

    It was, to the best of my very limited ability, prescient and brilliant, and it ended with, “I hope I’m wrong.”

  177. Fox News Correspondent E.D. Hill Refers to Barack and Michelle Obama's Terrorist Fist Jab | Popehat said,

    June 8, 2008 at 5:11

    [...] to add: Sadly, No has a good roundup of the batshit insane reactions to the fist-bump. It’s like the hysteria [...]

  178. Meanwhile, Out West™²³®© said,

    June 8, 2008 at 5:12

    ctrl c before submitting, John O.

    WordPress is in league with the Sith Lord Cheney.

  179. John O said,

    June 8, 2008 at 5:17

    Well, thanks M,OW.

    There wasn’t anything obscene in it, I swear. Unless you consider the words, “Larry Johnson” obscene.

    I gotta say I was shocked, and as everyone knows who has ever had anything lost on a computer, pissed off and disappointed.

    Ctrl c? What’s that all about?

  180. Meanwhile, Out West™²³®© said,

    June 8, 2008 at 5:18

    ctrl-a selects all your text.
    ctrl-c pastes it all into memory
    ctrl-v pastes whats in memory back

    ——————–

    ctrl-a selects all your text.
    ctrl-c pastes it all into memory
    ctrl-v pastes whats in memory back

    ——————–

  181. John O said,

    June 8, 2008 at 5:20

    Thanks, M,OW. I knew all that.

    I had just never had it happen to me here, or anywhere else, for that matter.

    Lazy, I guess.

  182. g said,

    June 8, 2008 at 5:23

    WordPress bites

  183. John O said,

    June 8, 2008 at 5:26

    Well, based on what I’ve seen so far, Barack will be ready for it if it exists, and will do a good job diffusing it.

    As best he can given the 5 month news cycle the alleged quote will get. Media Man is whitey, too.

  184. John O said,

    June 8, 2008 at 5:29

    Heck, why wouldn’t you sit on it if you had it?

    I would save it like a trump card in a poker game. If I was an atheist political hack-whore for The Man.

  185. Hoosier X said,

    June 8, 2008 at 5:32

    We could call this the campaign season when conservatives discovered political correctness … IF they hadn’t gotten their panties in a twist .. when it suited them … over so much trivial nonsense since … 1992? 1980? 1964?

  186. Rightwingsnarkle said,

    June 8, 2008 at 5:57

    John McCain is so seriously fucked.

    It’s not profound, but it’s true.

  187. centaur said,

    June 8, 2008 at 6:35

    Sir William: Obama is a the Heisenberg Uncertainty Politician

    pure genius.

  188. Michael said,

    June 8, 2008 at 6:37

    “we all know that Barack and Michelle Obama are low-class ignorant ghetto gangstas”… if you’re kidding about this, you really need to work on the delivery. This is my first time reading here so I have no idea what you’re all about.

  189. Righteous Bubba said,

    June 8, 2008 at 6:46

    if you’re kidding about this, you really need to work on the delivery. This is my first time reading here so I have no idea what you’re all about.

    I visit the “about” pages of places to find out what they’re about.

  190. g said,

    June 8, 2008 at 6:49

    “we all know that Barack and Michelle Obama are low-class ignorant ghetto gangstas”…

    who like arugula.

  191. Libertarius ShadowLord said,

    June 8, 2008 at 6:53

    perhaps the wingtards will be happier, if when Obama and McCain do a town hall tour, they symbolically clink neck-chains.

  192. Righteous Bubba said,

    June 8, 2008 at 6:55

    I pity the fool that don’t pity the fool.

  193. Righteous Bubba said,

    June 8, 2008 at 7:01

    Isn’t anybody here outraged? The man PUNCHED HIS WIFE RIGHT IN THE FIST!

  194. Rightwingsnarkle said,

    June 8, 2008 at 7:09

    kid oakland, my favorite big orange satanist, shows us why John McCain is so seriously fucked.

  195. henry lewis said,

    June 8, 2008 at 7:16

    John and Cindy should counter with a dosey-doh.

  196. Jim said,

    June 8, 2008 at 7:21

    Did I read right?
    Did someone propose that a putative President Obama hold a Fishbone concert on the White House lawn?

    That would be swell. With a giant inflatable Aunt Jemima.

  197. skylights said,

    June 8, 2008 at 7:33

    Wow. This can’t even be satirized. The right wing has already told all the funny, ironic jokes, except they’re serious, and they’re not being ironic.

  198. Candy said,

    June 8, 2008 at 7:37

    Next you are going to see southern fried chicken, black-eyed peas, corn bread, and watermelon as your daily meal.”

    Maybe some nice greens? Sweet potato pie? This is sounding better all the time.

    And homemade biscuits? Please? And potato salad. And ribs! Don’t forget ribs!

    You know, except for the collard greens, black eyed peas and sweet potato pie (we do punkin’ pie in Teh Upper Midwest) this is exactly the kind of food I grew up eating. My mom made the best fried chicken, biscuits, and mashed potatoes and gravy, with strong, sweet ice tea to wash it all down. Our family is just about the white white whitey white whitest bunch of Irish-Americans you ever saw. These wingnuts are eejits. Scary racist eejits, but eejits nonetheless, and they deserve our mockery.

    Damn, I’m hungry. Soooooo hungry.

    Hey! When the Obamas join up with the Reconquista movement and the Islamofascists, we can haz lots of good Mexican food and Middle Eastern fare in Teh Black House. I for one welcome our Islamomexiafrican overlords.

  199. Smut Clyde said,

    June 8, 2008 at 7:45

    I’ve always wanted a talking statute in the New York Harbor.
    It would complain endlessly about its limitations.

  200. g said,

    June 8, 2008 at 8:08

    Hey! When the Obamas join up with the Reconquista movement and the Islamofascists, we can haz lots of good Mexican food and Middle Eastern fare in Teh Black House. I for one welcome our Islamomexiafrican overlords.

    Mmmmm! Hummus tacos with chitlins!

  201. Snorghagen said,

    June 8, 2008 at 8:24

    This is my first time reading here so I have no idea what you’re all about.

    Sadly, No is strictly focused on sober political analysis. Virtually all commenters are highly qualified experts and virtually all comments have been carefully crafted to be as insightful and thought-provoking as possible.

    There are also lots of poopy jokes.

  202. GSD said,

    June 8, 2008 at 8:28

    Typical gangster elitists.

    -GSD

  203. Stephen Ockham said,

    June 8, 2008 at 8:35

    I heard that Obama was pushing for a “freestyle battle” rule in any upcoming debates with John McCain. All comments and replies must last no more than two minutes, be in rhyming meter and accompanied by a beat to be chosen by both parties beforehand. If no beat can be agreed to, snippets of James Brown’s “Funky Drummer” will be employed. Debate winners will be based on audience acclamation for the “illest” rhymes and most concise policy summarizations.

    I would so pay to see this.

  204. Some Guy said,

    June 8, 2008 at 8:51

    Personally, I hold no fewer then four phD’s and can routinely be found building the poor third world orphans their majestic Palace of Chocolate when i’m not busy tinkering with my anti-grativy generators. Sure, I’ve only gotten five hours of sleep a night for the past seven years, but if I don’t help the Atlantians save their home galaxy, then who will?

  205. Johnny Pez said,

    June 8, 2008 at 9:00

    Well, which is it? They’re ghetto gangstas who will trash the White House, all the while eating watermelon, or latte sipping elitists from the Ivy League? It’s so hard to follow.

    I believe they’re going to be ghetto gangstas on Mondays, Wednesday, and Fridays, and latte-sipping elitists on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. On Sundays they’ll be secret Muslims.

  206. commie atheist said,

    June 8, 2008 at 9:01

    Grabbing your balls with both hands is one thing, but can someone explain this one to me:

    What’s next? the knee in the crotch-hands above the head greeting?

    Sounds physically impossible, but I could be wrong. Perhaps a video demonstration would help.

  207. Stephen Ockham said,

    June 8, 2008 at 9:59

    the knee in the crotch-hands above the head greeting….

    If parsed as “Person A swings his knee forward to deal a crush blow to Person B’s crotch while Person A flails his/her hands wildly in the air” it seems like a very funny kind of greeting indeed. Though hardly diplomatic.

  208. WCW said,

    June 8, 2008 at 10:12

    Great post. But if you’re gonna break out the [sic]s you better remember i before e except after c’s like in perceive in your second ‘graph. Heh.

  209. Doctorb said,

    June 8, 2008 at 11:15

    I know a guy who even at this late date refuses to celebrate MLK day because Dr King was a communist, and I know he’s not the only right wing nutter to believe that.

    Jeez, what does he do about Christmas?

  210. Smut Clyde said,

    June 8, 2008 at 11:21

    Person A swings his knee forward to deal a crush blow to Person B’s crotch while Person A flails his/her hands wildly in the air
    Incorporating that as a standard part of diplomatic discourse might well reconcile the Irish to the idea of closer integration with the EU.

  211. WereBear said,

    June 8, 2008 at 13:28

    Person A swings his knee forward to deal a crush blow to Person B’s crotch while Person A flails his/her hands wildly in the air

    But only if Person B has a non-expired duly authorized gift card.

  212. Southern Beale said,

    June 8, 2008 at 13:59

    Well, Bush ( family have been DOCUMENTED displaying Satanic hand gestures!! Where were the square butts then, huh? HUH?!

  213. Southern Beale said,

    June 8, 2008 at 14:00

    OK too early to blog, clearly. Let’s try that one again:

    Well, Bush & family have been DOCUMENTED displaying Satanic hand gestures!!

  214. thecaptain said,

    June 8, 2008 at 14:28

    Is there not something, oh ironic about our righie freinds banging on about ho they are soooo not allowed to criticise Obama, lest they are accused of beig racists, but the merest criticism of Israel gets them screaming;’ant semite, ANY-SEMITE’?

    He may have shot his final wad long ago but he’s been collecting Rove’s and Bush’s for years now. I’m sure he’s got a large reservoir.

    This is probably obscure, but there’s a scene in _Complicity_ by Ian Banks that came to mind here… shudder.

    Dont worry, pal, I got it too, and now cant get the picture out of my mind…….

  215. ifthethunderdontgetya™²³®© said,

    June 8, 2008 at 14:41

    War crimes are defined in the statute that established the International Criminal Court, which includes:

    1. Grave breaches of the Geneva Conventions, such as:
    Willful killing, or causing great suffering or serious injury to body or health
    Torture or inhumane treatment
    Unlawful wanton destruction or appropriation of property
    Forcing a prisoner of war to serve in the forces of a hostile power
    Depriving a prisoner of war of a fair trial
    Unlawful deportation, confinement or transfer
    Taking hostages

    2. The following acts as part of an international conflict:
    Directing attacks against civilians
    Directing attacks against humanitarian workers or UN peacekeepers
    Killing a surrendered combatant
    Misusing a flag of truce
    Settlement of occupied territory
    Deportation of inhabitants of occupied territory
    Using poison weapons
    Using civilians as shields
    Using child soldiers

    3. The following acts as part of a non-international conflict:
    Murder, cruel or degrading treatment and torture
    Directing attacks against civilians, humanitarian workers or UN peacekeepers
    Taking hostages
    Summary execution
    Pillage
    Rape, sexual slavery, forced prostitution or forced pregnancy

    However the court only has jurisdiction over these crimes where they are “part of a plan or policy or as part of a large-scale commission of such crimes” [4]

  216. FearItself said,

    June 8, 2008 at 16:18

    I can’t be the only one here who thinks it the president’s limo would look awesome with 21-inch alloy spinners.

    Also, there must already be a hip-hop version of the Star-Spangled Banner, right? Has anybody ever heard one?

    Why would these be bad things, exactly? Yes, it would probably be undignified for the president to be saggin’ and baggin’ when meeting with the Queen, but wouldn’t it make you proud to be an American to know a Kanye West concert was held at the White House?

  217. g said,

    June 8, 2008 at 17:05

    I can’t see why anyone would be concerned about President Obama pimpin’ up the White House when we already got a guy in there like this.

  218. atheist said,

    June 8, 2008 at 17:09

    this is exactly the kind of food I grew up eating. My mom made the best fried chicken, biscuits, and mashed potatoes and gravy, with strong, sweet ice tea to wash it all down. Our family is just about the white white whitey white whitest bunch of Irish-Americans you ever saw.

    And my white suburban self was doing this knuckles gesture with all the other white suburban kids 18 years back, when I was a wee high schooler. We thought it was just fun. (We didn’t call it the ‘dap’ though.)

    Furthermore, I do this all the time with people at work, in my white-collar job.

    Now, I guess the suburb where I grew up was fairly well racially integrated, and so is my job actually, but, damn. I’m just amazed that some people find a little thing like this frightening and/or ‘tasteless’. I guess there’s a lot of racist motherfuckers out there, and they have internet access.

  219. rob said,

    June 8, 2008 at 17:24

    I agree with the wingnuts. The fist bump is entirely inappropriate; it’s beneath the dignity of the office. The next thing you know a president will be chest-thumping an Air Force cadet at a graduation ceremony . . . um, wait, nevermind.

  220. g said,

    June 8, 2008 at 17:28

    Just knowing that there’s someone out there who worries about the White House being corrupted by fried chicken makes me laugh.

  221. stryx said,

    June 8, 2008 at 17:34

    This day is devoted to a Daily Kos Symposium on this topic

    Hunter needs to step off, yo. Sadly, No’s been runnin’ mo’fuckkin’ symposia on a regular since like forever. We been slammin’ the epistemological implications of Citrullus lanatus on the gendered construct of Lamarkian progress in American leadership dualities for like a whole fukkin day now.

    The Great Orange Biter needs to take its playa’ hatin’ self on back to discussions about the political implications of Roberts Rules on the electoral process and leave the theoryifin’ and analysticatin’ to old school vets with rep.

    Will they? Sadly, No!

    Yo.

  222. alec said,

    June 8, 2008 at 17:36

    My prior prediction that the Republicans’ only hope is to get Snoop Dogg politically active seems to be getting truer by the day.

  223. rob said,

    June 8, 2008 at 17:45

    I have an idea about how Obama can redeem himself for this transgression:

    Just as Bush has given up golf for the duration of the war, Obama could promise to forgo the fist-bump until all of our young men and women come home.

    word.

  224. Righteous Bubba said,

    June 8, 2008 at 18:31

    Then McCain’s gotta renounce ABBA.

  225. Rightwingsnarkle said,

    June 8, 2008 at 18:39

    OT, but I’ve just seen where Chris Muir’s been today (warning – many bright blinking ads, etc.)

    Looks like he’s indulging multiple fantasies involving contorted female bodies, handguns, and formal wear. He must have a whole freaking box of tissues nearby.

  226. Rightwingsnarkle said,

    June 8, 2008 at 18:43

    I can’t see why anyone would be concerned about President Obama pimpin’ up the White House when we already got a guy in there like this.

    Dammit, g – I didn’t need to see Kay Bailey Hutchinson’s leg flesh. Now I can’t eat.

  227. J— said,

    June 8, 2008 at 18:54

    From the Arizona Republic, via Righteous Bubba’s link:

    The jocks also got the politico to drop an even bigger ABBA bomb: Before campaign speeches, he’ll listen to the group’s Take a Chance on Me to pump himself up.

    This is pathetic.

  228. Righteous Bubba said,

    June 8, 2008 at 19:10

    ABBA link stolen from MAJeff in this thread.

    Also Knowing Me, Knowing You might be more appropriate.

  229. Gentlewoman said,

    June 8, 2008 at 19:10

    Next you are going to see southern fried chicken, black-eyed peas, corn bread, and watermelon as your daily meal.

    Count me as another pasty white American for fried chicken and watermelon.

    There are many PWA’s for fried chicken and watermelon. We are legion.

    “Next you are going to see southern fried chicken, black-eyed peas, corn bread, and watermelon as your daily meal.”

    Maybe some nice greens? Sweet potato pie? This is sounding better all the time.

    And homemade biscuits? Please? And potato salad. And ribs! Don’t forget ribs!

    Obama is obviously not a secret Muslim, a gangsta, or any sort of Scary Black Dude.

    He is a Closet Cardiologist scaring up business for his Evil Cabal!

    Put down the fried chicken and walk towards the light (salad dressing)!

    OK, this PWA is going to go have some watermelon now.

  230. Pam Geller said,

    June 8, 2008 at 19:16

    Stupid libs! “Wonder Twins” is what I nicknamed my implants.

  231. SomeNYGuy said,

    June 8, 2008 at 19:22

    If Barack HUSSEIN Obama is elected, the Statue of Libery will be replaced by a giant replica of Aunt Jemima.

    Don’t worry — real, hard-working, white American patriots already have a plan to slap a coat of pale pink paint on it and turn it into Mrs. Butterworth.

  232. ifthethunderdontgetya™²³®© said,

    June 8, 2008 at 19:27

    This must be central to somebody’s point.

    (NSFW, btw. Yee have been warned.)

  233. henry lewis said,

    June 8, 2008 at 19:35

    This must be central to somebody’s point.

    That guy’s getting his $200.00 worth.

  234. commie atheist said,

    June 8, 2008 at 20:17

    Stephen Ockham said,

    Hey! How’s your brother, Bill?

  235. commie atheist said,

    June 8, 2008 at 20:21

    Also, there must already be a hip-hop version of the Star-Spangled Banner, right? Has anybody ever heard one?

    There’s always this:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8DQV1DJ0cA&feature=related

  236. Folkist Theologian said,

    June 8, 2008 at 20:39

    The GOP is a bunch of wiggers. See how they seriously want to own the legacy of MLK for their party.
    Obama played “99 problems but a bitch ain’t one” during a rally and that also caused little controversy.
    The GOP is backing a jewish war, and view the most stereotypical money-grubbing yids as a form of “chosen” ubermench whose every whim must be doted upon. The GOP are nothing but the boastful yes-men of the Jewish Lubavitch.

    The GOP is not the party of white interests. Whitey currently has no party.

  237. tigrismus said,

    June 8, 2008 at 20:44

    Jesus Christ, wiggers and yids? Fuck off, asshole.

  238. Candy said,

    June 8, 2008 at 20:47

    Sorta off topic, but in tune with the general stupidity of wingnuts as evinced by the fried chicken-fearing crowd. I believe this was central to Malkin’s point:

    Dastardly doughnut design dismantled

    Thank goodness that we have good Americans like Internet pundit Michelle Malkin to keep us safe from terrorists. Due to her vigilance, another al-Qaida plot has been foiled. Using cooking-show hostess Rachel Ray, the terrorists set out to attack the heart (or at least the arteries) of American society. Their secret recipe, cooked up by Osama bin Laden himself, was discovered in a book, “Desserts in the Desert,” which was found in a cave in Afghanistan.

    The terrorists’ insidious plan was to increase doughnut consumption in America tenfold. In addition, operatives were set to replace the frying oil with 100 percent trans-fat oils. Within 20 years our society would have been so ravaged by cardiac illness and deaths, as well as by tremendous health-care costs, that we would have been ripe for takeover by the terrorists.

    Citizens of Iowa, we must remain vigilant! Do not allow your hearts, minds or bodies to be corrupted by terrorism. Do not eat couscous, read 1,001 Arabian Nights or watch Omar Sharif movies. The future of our country and our way of life depends on it. – Mike Lazere, Ames

    A Sadly reader, perchance? I believe Mr. Lazere would fit right in. Excellent.

  239. WereBear said,

    June 8, 2008 at 20:48

    My wish has come true: I do believe Rev. Wright was what they had, and it got out early… either a screwup, or a desire to run against Hillary Clinton.

    And it didn’t really do much damage, either.

    Now they are scrounging around for pocket lint from the Bag O’ Dirty Tricks. I hear from some online Fox watchers (bless ‘em, I can’t do it) that the latest trial balloon is that Obama isn’t humble enough.

    Which, as we all know, is just one missed med away from uppity.

    Who’s in the pool?

  240. Candy said,

    June 8, 2008 at 20:51

    Jebus, Folkist is the type of troll usually plaguing the good folks at Dave Niewart’s place.

    As tigrismus said, fuck off, Folkist. You won’t find any takers for your racist shite here.

  241. Libertarius ShadowLord said,

    June 8, 2008 at 20:59

    Another dagnab screwhead. Those morons always are surprised when someone takes them seriously enough to backhand their receding jaw. Hey, Folkshit TheOrgan; you’re paying $4.00 per gallon of regular gas, but you think Obama’s church is a danger to your way of life. you are such an ignorant douchebag.

  242. tb said,

    June 8, 2008 at 21:08

    “99 problems but a bitch ain’t one”

    Not that I would call myself “Mr. Hip-Hop” or anything, but it’s a little weird that this alleged white supremacist is referring to hip-hop songs I’ve never heard of. He must be one of those apes who does his white power bit by day while furiously jacking off to black-on-white gay porn all night. Either that he’s a lying little troll.

  243. Leonard Pierce said,

    June 8, 2008 at 21:13

    Actually, tb, “99 Problems” was a huge hit for Jay-Z — probably his biggest. But the anti-Semitic dipwad is still wrong: the Jay-Z song at the Obama rally wasn’t that one, but “Dirt Off Your Shoulder”. And, typically, the same right-wingers who went apeshit over the dap went apeshit over that.

  244. Mo's Bike Shop said,

    June 8, 2008 at 21:23

    Well, Bush & family have been DOCUMENTED displaying Satanic hand gestures!!

    Jes wrdin’ off Harvey ish all…

    What’s next? the knee in the crotch-hands above the head greeting?

    Sounds physically impossible, but I could be wrong. Perhaps a video demonstration would help.

    Harpo Marx. You Tube. Dude.

    And if there’s no coleslaw, the deal is off. And none of that runny shit.

  245. Shell Goddamnit said,

    June 8, 2008 at 21:24

    That is some fabulous commentary from the foetid muck. There’s some truly wonderful moments:

    ‘Retarted’ has GOT to be my favorite misspledding in the whole wide world.

    I did not know that the name Hussein is so closely identified with fried chicken, blackeyed peas, cornbread & watermelon – and if it is, I’m changing my name to Husseina! Yum! Although hold the watermelon and give me a plate of peeled & sliced tomatoes instead.

    “He never mentions race yet he gets more Black every day” – which I cannot square with the constant whining about playing the race card, but I’m sure this dope can do it effortlessly.

    You know, I really really wanted this primary season to be over, because the stupidly incessant internecine warfare got on my last fucking nerve. But now it really begins. My already overworked sense of outrage will be worn to a frazzle before we’re halfway through this nightmare…

  246. tb said,

    June 8, 2008 at 21:32

    “99 Problems” was a huge hit for Jay-Z — probably his biggest.

    Say, are you telling me I don’t know hip hop?

  247. Brandi said,

    June 8, 2008 at 21:48

    Gene Wilder explains these critics succintly.

    (Sorry about the fucked-up aspect ratio, that’s how it was posted.)

  248. zoe from pittsburgh said,

    June 8, 2008 at 21:50

    Next you are going to see southern fried chicken, black-eyed peas, corn bread, and watermelon as your daily meal.

    Whatever racist fuck wrote that is having a Cheney “West Virignia moment.” I have a sister who married into a very Southern family from a small town in Alabama. Guess what his white family serves whenever we go to visit? ALL of those things. Although they forgot the BBQ, fried okra, ham hocks and grits. I know they were trying to allude to soul food but they don’t even seem to know enough about that to make fun of it.

    Silly racists, can’t even keep their stereotypes straight.

  249. tomboy said,

    June 8, 2008 at 21:52

    I played in a pool league where on of my teammates insisted on a fist bump along with saying “Git ‘er done!” if I made a big shot.

    I’m so confused.

  250. GoMcCain said,

    June 8, 2008 at 22:19

    Looks like a black thing. Sorta scary and black. BLACK!

  251. 4jkb4ia said,

    June 8, 2008 at 22:24

    B”H there are enough sane people that Obama could still win this thing.

  252. commie atheist said,

    June 8, 2008 at 22:32

    Speaking of dap, time to get this thread back on track:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ouI5KcyHfE

  253. Funkula said,

    June 8, 2008 at 22:55

    Zoe, just from what you say there I don’t know if it’s right to take offense. All of those dishes are Southern tradition regardless of skin color. Hell, my mouth’s watering just thinking about black-eyed peas and cornbread.

    Of course, if it’s a pattern of behavior that extends beyond the menu, then fuck ‘em.

  254. Southern Beale said,

    June 8, 2008 at 23:47

    Candy said:

    Dastardly doughnut design dismantled

    Er, don’t tell Michelle Malkin but she’s got her work cut out for her among the cheese eating surrender monkeys of Scandinavia.

  255. MzNicky said,

    June 8, 2008 at 23:58

    I haven’t read all of these comments, so excuse me if someone has already pointed out that the high-five thing, which whites have been doing for about 20 years now, was originally a black thing, which no one has seen a black person do in about oh 20 years. Ditto just about every other hep-cat gesture and bit of jargon and style of clothing since probably the 1920s. I give the wingnutz another five years to start doing this dap thing you kids are going on about.

  256. From Pine View Farm » Racism said,

    June 9, 2008 at 0:45

    [...] Now that Senator Obama has secured the nomination, the racists are coming out from under their rocks. [...]

  257. Fist Bump | Tom McGee said,

    June 9, 2008 at 1:02

    [...] June 8th, 2008 | | Politics | The wingnuttosphere is frothing over the Obama’s fist bump after he won the nomination. To some of them, it’s all threatening and ghetto and gang-related. Sadly No has read the blogs and provided the citations. [...]

  258. g said,

    June 9, 2008 at 2:00

    Don’t forget the High fiv’n white guys!

  259. SamFromUtah said,

    June 9, 2008 at 2:19

    Don’t forget the High fiv’n white guys!

    LOLz! If we suggest to the wingnuts that high-fiving is a Black Thing, won’t they have to cut their arms off in regret for all their triumphalism?

  260. Krakatoa said,

    June 9, 2008 at 2:20

    Oprah Winfrey’s Puma Patty

    Ingredients:
    4 pinches mysterious puma, flouncily dried
    2 jiggers entire pomegranate, clustered
    1 pint vast tooth of wolf, actively grilled
    6 jiggers old mustang ear
    1 gallon vanilla
    1 gallon paprika

    Cultivatedly grease a cookie sheet. Separate puma tongue from lung. Discard lung. Mash the pomegranate with the tooth of wolf over medium heat in a jar. Stuff the resulting goo into the puma. Dress the mustang ear, vanilla, and the paprika plaintively. Pile the latter combination on to the former. Bake for 129 minutes. Serves 4 personable individuals with generous stomachs.

  261. Righteous Bubba said,

    June 9, 2008 at 2:21

    Truly a volcanic meal.

  262. g said,

    June 9, 2008 at 2:32

    I just lost a half hour or so looking at other “Almost Live” clips on Youtube.

    Here’s one I don’t remember from back in the day:
    Streetwalking Lawyers of Aurora Avenue.

  263. not even an mba said,

    June 9, 2008 at 2:42

    …which no one has seen a black person do in about oh 20 years
    Really, MzNicky. In this world of post-racism, even black people can be dorky nerdy dinkasauruses.

  264. OriGuy said,

    June 9, 2008 at 3:01

    Nothing Obama could do would be as tacky as giving the Chancellor of Germany a back rub. It would be cool if the Teoiseach of Ireland gave him dap when they meet. I bet Bush doesn’t even know the PM of Ireland is called that.

    Fried okra, yum.

  265. not even an mba said,

    June 9, 2008 at 3:03

    I think you guys are being too hard on poor racist ignorant Folkist. He is, after all, historical correct in that the GOP is a party of Whiggers.
    And biblically, the jewish people are the chosen.

    Okay, that’s all I got. Even taking him totally out of context and spinning the best I could, he still comes off as an ignorant racist fuckwad.

  266. Andre said,

    June 9, 2008 at 3:04

    This madness might finally have gone too far! Whitey be thievin’!

  267. Mentis Fugit said,

    June 9, 2008 at 3:53

    Hoosier X said,

    Would it talk, like the one on the teevee?

    I assume it will say, “Die, Whitey, Die!!”

    Wouldn’t you?

    Maresy doat and doesey doats
    And liddle lambs edivey
    I assume it will say, “Die, Whitey, Die!!”
    Wouldn’t you?

    Nah, doesn’t even begin to scan correctly.

  268. g said,

    June 9, 2008 at 3:56

    Oh, the whole blog is about passive-agressive notes.Mmm. Sounds like fun.

  269. Henry Holland said,

    June 9, 2008 at 4:20

    I haven’t read all of these comments, so excuse me if someone has already pointed out that the high-five thing, which whites have been doing for about 20 years now, was originally a black thing

    No, it’s a gay thing. Glenn Burke, gay, outfielder for the Dodgers, invented the high five in the early 70′s.

    Freakin’ heteros, stealing stuff from Us Gays again and pretending that they did it.

  270. MzNicky said,

    June 9, 2008 at 4:21

    If we suggest to the wingnuts that high-fiving is a Black Thing, won’t they have to cut their arms off in regret for all their triumphalism?

    Indeed they will. It is central to my point.

  271. Righteous Bubba said,

    June 9, 2008 at 4:25

    No, it’s a gay thing.

    It’s a black thing AND a gay thing! Hooray!

  272. the_millionaire_lebowski said,

    June 9, 2008 at 4:29

    Funny stuff

  273. MzNicky said,

    June 9, 2008 at 4:29

    I bet Bush doesn’t even know the PM of Ireland is called that.

    The things Bush doesn’t know could fill a black hole. No offense.

  274. Lesley said,

    June 9, 2008 at 4:55

    McCain’s looking worse all the time. About the only thing he’s got going for him is his war record. Other than that there’s very little to sympathize with.

  275. Lesley said,

    June 9, 2008 at 4:57

    The things Bush doesn’t know could fill a black hole.

    Apparently he hadn’t heard about the price of gas.

  276. g said,

    June 9, 2008 at 5:16

    Kin we haz nu thred plz?

  277. ifthethunderdontgetya™²³®© said,

    June 9, 2008 at 5:23

    This is central to Larry Johnson’s point.

    H/t Tbogg.

  278. Lesley said,

    June 9, 2008 at 5:28

    While you’re waiting, have a look at these

  279. g said,

    June 9, 2008 at 5:32

    I saw those earlier today, Lesley. Nice.

  280. ifthethunderdontgetya™²³®© said,

    June 9, 2008 at 5:46

    Train in Vain

  281. Smut Clyde said,

    June 9, 2008 at 5:54

    I bet Bush doesn’t even know the PM of Ireland is called that.
    The PM of Ireland generally seems to be called Pat, apart from the occasions when he is a Biffo.

  282. Black NASCAR Star said,

    June 9, 2008 at 6:38

    People, people, we get over before we go under.

  283. Senator Hussein X said,

    June 9, 2008 at 6:43

    We only used the dap because you jive ass ofays aren’t worthy to witness our true involved and complicated handshake/hi-five routine. Bitches.

  284. Brandi said,

    June 9, 2008 at 8:06

    If Barack HUSSEIN Obama is elected, the Statue of Libery will be replaced by a giant replica of Aunt Jemima.

    Don’t worry — real, hard-working, white American patriots already have a plan to slap a coat of pale pink paint on it and turn it into Mrs. Butterworth.

    Ah, but she too has fallen to the power of the dap!

  285. bago said,

    June 9, 2008 at 8:11

    Is it because I is black?

  286. Johnny Coelacanth said,

    June 9, 2008 at 8:54

    President Hussein X’s first 100 Days:

    Day 1: Under threat of extraordinary rendition, Toni Morrison publicly forced to recant “first black President” comment about Bill Clinton.

    Day 2: White House Press Secretary position renamed “Hype Man,” Chief of Staff becomes “Pimpin’ MC.”

    Day 3:US Mint announces Malcom X and Tupak Shakur to replace Franklin and Hamilton on currency.

    Day 4: Chuck D appointed Secretary of State.

    Day 5: Ice T and 50 Cent named Attorney General and Secretary of Defense, respectively.

    Day 6: Dr. Dre appointed to Surgeon General position.

    Day 7: Ebonics declared Official Language of the US.

    Day 8: To celebrate one week in office without being assassinated by whitey, President Hussein X opens nation’s arsenals, gives free guns to all non-Caucasians.

    Day 9: Nation’s public school cafeterias see new, mandated menu: southern fried chicken, black-eyed peas, corn bread, and watermelon. Iced tea available by request, motherfucker.

    Day 10: White House lawn hosts first hip hop concert with reunited NWA; President vows to use stem cells from aborted white babies to bring Easy-E back from the dead.

    Day 11. Reagan International Airport renamed Martin Luther King airport.

    Day 12. The Reagan Building renamed Martin Luther King building.

    Day 13. Washington Monument renamed Martin Luther King monument.

    Day 14. Washington, D.C., renamed Martin Luther King, D.C.

    Day 15: To celebrate two weeks in office without being assassinated by whitey, President Hussein X appropriates nation’s malt liquor supply and distributes it, free, to non-Caucasians.

    Day 16. President declares Black History Month will now be 12 months long.

    Day 17: Run DMC to replace Roosevelt, Jefferson and Washington on Mount Rushmore.

    Day 18: Jay Z named US Poet Laureate. President assures an anxious nation that Nas is still the heir to Biggie Smalls.

    Day 19: Nation of Islam admitted to United Nations.

    Day 20: US Congress renamed: House will be “Parliament,” Senate will be “Funkadelic.”

    Day 21: To celebrate three weeks of not being assassinated by whitey, President Hussein X appears in public and is immediately assassinated by whitey. Vice President Clinton assumes Oval Office.

    Gloria Steinem, Bella Abzug and Betty Friedan to replace Run DMC on Mount Rushmore…

  287. watchdog said,

    June 9, 2008 at 9:45

    This is one of the reasons I was hoping for Obama to get the nomination, because I knew these idiots could never keep their racist stupidity quiet. We all know what kind of crap they have said and would have said about Hillary, I am tired of their Clinton fetish. Obama will force them to show their real colors as ther above has shown.

  288. OriGuy said,

    June 9, 2008 at 10:13

    President Hussein X’s first 100 Days:
    Somewhere in there, he’s going to Free Mumia!

  289. Magda Carter said,

    June 9, 2008 at 11:04

    Guys, it’s a public holiday here, The weekend papers are
    sooo far behind the blogosphere it’s pitiful, and yet no new thread.
    I’m sure the rest of the No!s are preparing for another week of slog, but seriously, maybe you could get some guest post masters? Like mikey. Or the kiwi guy?
    – MC

  290. OneMadClown said,

    June 9, 2008 at 13:26

    Wait, wait, wait, wait…I thought O’Bama was Irish…

  291. 1884 Colchester earthquake™²³®© said,

    June 9, 2008 at 13:28

    There’s always the History Thread, Magda.

  292. urizon said,

    June 9, 2008 at 14:39

    The terror continues to spread . . . .

    Will anyone think of the children?

  293. benjoya said,

    June 9, 2008 at 16:37

    low-class ignorant ghetto gangstas

    you mean “elitist low-class ignorant egghead ivory-tower ghetto ivy-league gangstas

  294. The Leprechaun said,

    June 9, 2008 at 17:00

    Wait, wait, wait, wait…I thought O’Bama was Irish…

    You’ve never heard of the Black Irish?

  295. Sean said,

    June 9, 2008 at 17:17

    Being the father of two sons who play little league baseball, I find this hilarious. After every game, we line up the kids for the traditional handshake – but of course, only the adult coaches actually shake hands. The kids all give each other fist bumps.

    I live in a fairly affluent, mostly white, NYC suburb (used to be rural, but that’s another story). At every sporting event involving kids – male or female, from 6 year-olds through high school – these fist bumps are common place. What kind of hole do these people live in?

  296. Ignatz said,

    June 9, 2008 at 17:22

    JRod: can I have your greens? And the ham hocks if you don’t like them?

  297. Quaker in a Basement said,

    June 9, 2008 at 18:20

    “Next you are going to see southern fried chicken, black-eyed peas, corn bread, and watermelon as your daily meal.”

    Bring it!

    And more iced tea, too, mothe….um, please.

  298. Anakind Starfucker said,

    June 9, 2008 at 20:34

    Senator Obama told me in secret that he is really a SITH LORD!!11!

  299. English Thug said,

    June 9, 2008 at 20:37

    The Leprechaun said,

    June 9, 2008 at 17:00

    Wait, wait, wait, wait…I thought O’Bama was Irish…

    You’ve never heard of the Black Irish?
    ———————

    I fuckin ‘ate pikeys…

  300. Caveat said,

    June 9, 2008 at 22:50

    “…expressing fears that next up are “a pimped-out Escalade”, “Spinners on the Presidential Limo”, “grafitti [sic] on Air Force One”, and “pants down around their butts…”

    Point being? That would actually be kind of phat….

    We used to do this ‘fist touch’ or whatever it is when we were kids in an upper middle class area called Lawrence Park in Toronto – in 1959.

    If only we’d known the true meaning of the gesture….our lives might have turned out differently.

  301. Americans Are Funny said,

    June 9, 2008 at 23:11

    You americans are funny. No wonder your time as a Super Power is finally over. Good riddance.

  302. Righteous Bubba said,

    June 9, 2008 at 23:15

    No wonder your time as a Super Power is finally over.

    The fear is such that you still capitalize Super Power.

  303. rob said,

    June 9, 2008 at 23:28

    Sean said,

    “Being the father of two sons who play little league baseball, I find this hilarious. After every game, we line up the kids for the traditional handshake – but of course, only the adult coaches actually shake hands. The kids all give each other fist bumps.”

    Hah! Obama is actually a clandestine little-leaguer! It all makes sense now.

    And, even though he lives on the South Side, I bet he roots for the Cubs!

  304. Jenn said,

    June 9, 2008 at 23:49

    Now now, if you are going to quote my blog give credit where credit is due….I did not coin the term long legged pimp, that is courtesy of Obama fan Rev. Manning.

    Personally I think he’ a flaming socialist douche bag. I jut think Long Legged Pimp is funny as hell. Good day.

  305. Johnny Coelacanth said,

    June 10, 2008 at 0:17

    “Personally I think he’ a flaming socialist douche bag.”

    That’s because you wouldn’t know socialism if it bit you in the ass.

    “I jut think Long Legged Pimp is funny as hell.”

    That’s because you’re racist.

  306. Moophisto said,

    June 10, 2008 at 0:26

    They still call it the White House, but that’s a temporary condition, are you with me CC?

  307. HPD said,

    June 10, 2008 at 0:33

    I for one welcome our new elitist ghetto Muslim gangster overlords. They have the best picnics.

  308. Eugene V. Debs said,

    June 10, 2008 at 1:14

    Those who don’t know history are destined to vote Republican.

  309. seth. said,

    June 10, 2008 at 3:19

    let me tell you something: if barack obama gets elected president, and i find myself “see[ing] southern fried chicken, black-eyed peas, corn bread, and watermelon as [my] daily meal,” then two of my dreams will have come true.

  310. GoatBoy said,

    June 10, 2008 at 3:41

    I can get behind all the soul food. Except black eyed peas. They taste like dirt and I think the world’s trying to play an elaborate joke on me pretending they don’t. They’re not food, they’re feed!

  311. Major Woody said,

    June 10, 2008 at 9:29

    The J Train said,

    June 8, 2008 at 4:56

    It’s a little known fact that Obama has been both a Crip and a Blood, as well as a Warrior, a Latin King, and a Newsie.

    He’s been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet; a pawn and a king.

  312. Barack Obama said,

    June 10, 2008 at 15:16

    Brenda’s got a big ole butt.
    I know I told I’d be true.
    But Brenda’s got a big ole butt.
    So I’m leaving you.

  313. Doris Kearns Goodwin said,

    June 10, 2008 at 15:25

    Due to the S1Ws taking over the Black House in 2009, my next historical volume will be reduced to parsing:

    “I’m the kind of nigger who is built to last.
    You wanna mess with me, I’ll put a boot in your ass.

  314. Katie said,

    June 10, 2008 at 16:05

    Can’t… handle… high levels… of ignorance… ::twitches::

  315. Katie said,

    June 10, 2008 at 16:07

    I hope OBAMA throws hip hop concerts on the White house lawn! (“heathengrafix”)

    So do I! That would be AWESOME! Seriously, DC is way too stuffy.

  316. Ann Althouse's Slowly Tilting Wine Glass said,

    June 10, 2008 at 19:28

    I yearn for the day when the national anthem is “Fuck Tha Police”. I’ll be just like that Michael Bolton guy in Office Space and blast it in my compact.

  317. ArchPundit » Blog Archive » Today’s Tosser: Fist Jabbing Terrorism Concerns said,

    June 10, 2008 at 19:42

    [...] I swear our discourse cannot become any stupider. [...]

  318. Caveat said,

    June 10, 2008 at 22:02

    “Personally I think he’ a flaming socialist douche bag.”

    Ha ha ha he’s way to the right of our ‘conservative’ Prime Minister here in Canada, although we suck eggs compared with Sweden or the UK, socialism-wise.

    Good thing the ‘I think’ was added, although it was used inappropriately.

  319. Tishie said,

    June 11, 2008 at 4:28

    “A video will be coming out of her telling “whitey to die”. Meaning white people!”

    I hope the video is contained on a thumb drive, otherwise this could be seriously painful.

  320. Sarah said,

    June 11, 2008 at 4:36

    Jenn, thank you for showing off the superior intellectual capabilities of the conservative base.

    “Personally I think he’ a flaming socialist douche bag.”

    Byron couldn’t have said it more gracefully. Except that Byron probably would have spelled “he’s” correctly.

  321. Sound Salvation Army » Blog Archive » I’d dap that. said,

    August 6, 2008 at 14:20

    [...] Sadly, No! blog has done the job of rounding up the idiots for me. I chat almost every night with my [...]

  322. ????? said,

    January 1, 2011 at 0:01

    Jenn,
    thank you for showing off the superior intellectual capabilities of the conservative base

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