29
When Two Neptunes Appear In The Sky, It Is A Sure Sign That A Midget In Glasses Is Being Born
As copies of Scott McClellan’s book fall into the hands of über-partisan Bush nuts, we can expect that there will be an orgy of sleuthing, as the Bush nuts comb meticulously through McClellan’s book looking for intimations and hidden clues, rather like ancient Egyptian priests casting animal entrails and finding evidence of calumny in the particular twist of a goat’s small intestine.
Mark Hemingway has taken up this task at America’s Shittiest Website™ and believes he has evidence that McClellan was all along merely a liberal in disguise who took the Press Secretary position merely as an opportunity to write a lie-filled exposé that would allow him to enrich himself at the expense of his former employer.
I should have more to say about it later when I finish reading it, but I just got my grubby paws on McClellan’s book and this jumped out on page 36:
One of my favorite classes at UT was a leadership course taught by Sara Weddington, a longtime friend of Ann Richards who was known for her involvement representing the anonymous “Jane Roe” in Roe v. Wade, the case that made abortion legal across the United States.
Coming from an allegedly conservative Republican, that’s quite revealing.
Liking a class on leadership taught by a lawyer who once represented the plaintiff in Roe v. Wade is evidence that McClellan was a liberal mole in the Bush White House? No doubt Hemingway will also find conclusive evidence that McClellan was a donkey in elephant’s clothing from passages where McClellan confesses that he liked Jurassic Park even though it was directed by a liberal Jew, went to Starbucks once with a friend who ordered a soy-milk vente latte, and was twice close enough to Bill Clinton that he could have spit in his face, and didn’t.
Gavin adds:
(Photoshop-enhanced)
Jake H. said,
May 29, 2008 at 22:24
Coming from an allegedly conservative Republican, that’s quite revealing.
I’ve been on vacation for a week–did we change the meaning of “quite” to “not?”
g said,
May 29, 2008 at 22:25
McClellan was all along merely a liberal in disguise who took the Press Secretary position merely as an opportunity to write a lie-filled exposé that would allow him to enrich himself at the expense of his former employer.
Is that why he managed to get himself born to his mother, who, IIRC was a friend of the Bush family? His mendacity and evil know no bounds!!!!?????
not even an mba said,
May 29, 2008 at 22:26
Ask not for whom the Scottie toils, he toils for Soros.
El Cid said,
May 29, 2008 at 22:26
I’m more and more convinced that their operative model is, in fact, a secular parallel of the deranged and paranoid fundamentalist Christians who really do think you have to look all about you for tiny little signs that Satan is trying to tempt you, or that someone you trust has turned.
Someone has been captured by Satan when you think he has been captured by Satan; and anyone trying to rationally argue against your irrevocable conclusion is now channeling the voice of the Dark One himself.
Resist temptation, wingnuts! See Satan’s power all around you, and cast him out!!!`
Righteous Bubba said,
May 29, 2008 at 22:29
my grubby paws
Clear evidence that Mark Hemingway is a Dirty Fucking Hippie. Look out for the brownies at the next NRO party!
D.N. Nation said,
May 29, 2008 at 22:30
One of my favorite classes in college was economics, taught by a supply-side wingnut. I found his views on the subject fascinating, as he did mine (enough for me to be exempt from the final).
Coming from an allegedly liberal Democrat, that’s quite revealing…if you’re a nutter who thinks you can’t find the other side interesting.
not even an mba said,
May 29, 2008 at 22:30
Ahhh, it seems like only yesterday:
One of these days he and I are going to be rocking on chairs in Texas, talking about the good old days and his time as the Press Secretary. And I can assure you I will feel the same way then that I feel now, that I can say to Scott, job well done.
J— said,
May 29, 2008 at 22:32
Scott McClellan is bloody Bill Haydon. Where, oh where was the wingnutosphere’s George Smiley when we needed him?
RepigsLuvOxycontin said,
May 29, 2008 at 22:33
To be a good wingnut, you must eschew anything within six degrees of separation of anyone who ever petted a kitten.
We are all better humans for knowing that since Hitler liked organic food, all Liberals are fascists.
I’ve heard the 2nd cousin of the guy who operates the machine that seals bags of Cheetos once sent $10 to Greenpeace. This could be REAL TROUBLE.
Sigismund Schlomo Freud said,
May 29, 2008 at 22:36
How very interesting, do tell me more.
steve terranova said,
May 29, 2008 at 22:37
As I watch my hairline slowly recede, I find bald jokes less and less funny.
g said,
May 29, 2008 at 22:40
uncanny, Sigismund
Susan of Texas said,
May 29, 2008 at 22:41
Look at that ugly round thing with the mottled red surface.
I like the bowling ball though.
J— said,
May 29, 2008 at 22:43
What’s this?
Senator Hutchison is a liberal mole!
o'scrod said,
May 29, 2008 at 22:45
McClellen will probably be shunted by McCain’s handlers to the liberal elite sidetrack. With success. In ’04 the Bonkerites voted for Bush even though they knew he had evaded service in Vietnam, that his tax cuts were benefitting their masters, that he was an Ivy Leaguer and the son of a spoiled-brat Yankee. These sorts of wake-up-you-idiots just don’t seem to work.
MzNicky said,
May 29, 2008 at 22:45
As I watch my hairline slowly recede, I find bald jokes less and less funny.
Oh…is THAT why that guy’s head is in a bowling-ball return thing? I was WONDERING about that! NOW I get it! Bald as a bowling ball! Ha ha ha ha ha! Thanks man.
Sigismund Schlomo Freud said,
May 29, 2008 at 22:46
I wonder if our good friend Jonah was also in that class.
Buck Snort said,
May 29, 2008 at 22:48
Okay, okay, enough already, Dr. Freud. You’re making me feel kind of sick now.
Fairy Ruppert said,
May 29, 2008 at 22:48
I wonder if our good friend Jonah was also in that class.
OMG, I had not seen Lucianne before. Jonah looks like her, and she in turn looks like that woman from Goonies.
Me said,
May 29, 2008 at 22:50
I think we’d all be better off (on both sides) if we just recognized White House Press Secretaries for what they are, have been and always will be, which are shills who are paid to lie.
McClellan’s book might as well be called “Flack: My Career in Public Relations, and This Time I’m Telling the Truth”.
Smut Clyde said,
May 29, 2008 at 22:53
Take one goat’s small intestine. Traduce lightly. Sprinkle with calumny.
Some cooks add contumacy at this stage, but I find that it hides the natural flavour of the intestine.
Jake H. said,
May 29, 2008 at 22:54
Man, here I thought Scotty’s cover was perfect. I mean, I remember when he and I were in the Weather Underground safehouse passing around this doob with Elijiah Muhammed, Jeremiah Wright and Noam Chomsky and we were all watching Rachel Ray’s “30 Minute Jihad,” Scott turned to me and was all “Dude, Gore Vidal might be better looking, but I’m here to tell you that NO ONE tosses a salad like Barney Frank, like, for REAL, dog!” But that’s not the point of the story, the point is that Sean Penn was shaving off his beard and trimming his rasta dreads, and Michael Moore was putting heavy concealer over his “I Hate Our Troops” tattoos, and we were all like “Dudes, this mole operation is ON! No one will ever know!”
Legalize said,
May 29, 2008 at 22:55
One of my favorite professors in law school was pretty damn close to describing himself as a neoconservative. As one of the most liberal members of this site, this is very telling.
Thursday said,
May 29, 2008 at 22:55
Er, wait..
Aren’t all the Jews supposed to be Republicans now? Didn’t they get the memo from Leiberman?
Could have been DunAntiAmerikin’ DoIslamofascistnuts!
Doris Kerner Goodwin said,
May 29, 2008 at 22:58
Jake H. is obviously a Fiberal. No one talked like that back in the Weather Underground days, and Sean Penn wasn’t even born yet, not to mention Rachel Ray not being on cable, which didn’t exist hardly either. Not that I would know.
Fairy Ruppert said,
May 29, 2008 at 23:02
Lucianne Goldberg.
Legalize said,
May 29, 2008 at 23:02
I clicked over to America’s Shittiest Website (my fault I know). Um, why the fuck is Jonah giving aways spoilers to tonight’s LOST finale?
not even an mba said,
May 29, 2008 at 23:03
In the unenhanced photo, Mark Hemingway is clearly wearing blue which for an allegedly non-hippie love child is quite telling.
Jake H. said,
May 29, 2008 at 23:04
Jake H. is obviously a Fiberal. No one talked like that back in the Weather Underground days, and Sean Penn wasn’t even born yet, not to mention Rachel Ray not being on cable, which didn’t exist hardly either. Not that I would know.
Like all LIEberals, you want us to believe that the Weather Underground no longer exists, when in reality it is the organization controlling the robot Obama through a cooperative agreement with Al Qaeda and Teh Soros. Er, and something also about Daily Kos.
Tor Johnson Fan Club said,
May 29, 2008 at 23:13
Tor involved too!
HumboldtBlue said,
May 29, 2008 at 23:13
McClellan actually attended a goddamned lefty University, and one located in that den of sin, debauchery and artery-clogging beef, Austin?
That fucking seals it, he’s a goddamned liberal mole, trained to undercut the magnificent leadership of Dear Leader Dubya and his gang of cocknozzles. This man needs to be imprisoned immediately, or the next thing you know we’ll have some islamo-loving-abortion-forcing Ivy Leaguer trying to steal the presidency away from its rightful owner and heir, Dear Leader Dubya.
To the barricades!!11!!
kiki said,
May 29, 2008 at 23:18
Oh…is THAT why that guy’s head is in a bowling-ball return thing? I was WONDERING about that! NOW I get it! Bald as a bowling ball! Ha ha ha ha ha! Thanks man.
Ever see that movie Cabin Fever?
He’s the Happy Bowling Alley Guy.
Principal Blackman said,
May 29, 2008 at 23:22
He looks like a cross between Al Bundy and Maurice Levy.
BJS said,
May 29, 2008 at 23:28
Legalize – That comment about your law school prof was not only telling, it was indeed central to your point.
Arky H8r of VurdPress said,
May 29, 2008 at 23:30
Wheee! Let’s all ride on the Sam Brownback Logic Loop-de-Loop!
Ah-ah, you didn’t spit on someone who knew someone you should have spat on, you’re in big trouble now!
Candy said,
May 29, 2008 at 23:32
speaking of books that make wingnut heads a’splodey, I just received an email from the library that my reserved copy of Glenn Greenwald’s Great American Hypocrites is in. Yum-O!
BJS said,
May 29, 2008 at 23:33
He looks exactly like Levy! My first thought when I saw that picture was that in real life that actor was some wingnut pundit guy. I was glad to see that it was not him…
g said,
May 29, 2008 at 23:34
Like all LIEberals, you want us to believe that the Weather Underground no longer exists, when in reality it is the organization controlling the robot Obama through a cooperative agreement with Al Qaeda and Teh Soros. Er, and something also about Daily Kos
You forgot William Ayers!
And Poland.
Grand Moff Texan said,
May 29, 2008 at 23:45
Roviets.
No sense of humor.
.
Jay B. said,
May 29, 2008 at 23:49
McCain is a mole: I have said, on numerous occassions I have described Ted Kennedy as the last lion in the Senate,” McCain said. “And I held that view because he remains the single most effective member of the Senate if you want to get results and he is not reluctant to share the credit and when it fails he is willing to take the blame. That is why he is one of the most effective members of the senate and we will miss him for that and many other reasons.”
pinson said,
May 29, 2008 at 23:55
BJS said,
May 29, 2008 at 23:33
He looks exactly like Levy! My first thought when I saw that picture was that in real life that actor was some wingnut pundit guy. I was glad to see that it was not him
Doesn’t he? Exactly like him! Don’t know his name, but that actor did for sleazy lawyer what Deniro did for young mob boss. Kind of an unfortunate resemblance for Hemingway.
Steve Balboni said,
May 29, 2008 at 23:58
True story – I was in line at the neighborhood indie record shop one day when an older gentleman struck up a conversation. The topic moved to “what do you do?” and I mumbled that I was a political consultant and dabbled in blogging. His eyes immediately lit up, “my son in law is a writer – he writes for National Review, his name is Mark Hemingway.” I tried to be very polite and just bit my tongue as the old man proceeded to inform me that he preferred the National Review because it was fair and not slanted like other media.
I felt like I had somehow stepped into some sort of “bizzaro world.” My brain hurts even thinking about it.
g said,
May 30, 2008 at 0:03
I was in line at the neighborhood indie record shop
There’s a LINE at the neighborhood indie record shop? Where do you live?
Smut Clyde said,
May 30, 2008 at 0:07
an older gentleman struck up a conversation… “my son in law is a writer – he writes for National Review, his name is Mark Hemingway.”
Worst pick-up line ever.
Mark B said,
May 30, 2008 at 0:09
Scottie is probably the one person most responsible for getting W elected to the Texas governorship, having invented the whole compassionate conservative schtick and dishonest packaging of the product. After 6 years in that largely ceremonial and powerless position, he moved on to screwing up the entire United States.
fardels bear said,
May 30, 2008 at 0:13
So, what was Mark Hemingway’s uncle buying at the local indie record shop? The latest Skrewdriver complilation?
smut clyde said,
May 30, 2008 at 0:33
rather like ancient
EgyptianEtruscan priests casting animal entrailsI can’t believe that it took 47 comments for anyone to complain. And you call yourselves pedants. Harummph.
Blue Buddha said,
May 30, 2008 at 0:36
Funny thing about Roe v. Wade. “Jane Roe” has been an outspoken opponent of abortion since winning her right for an abortion in the famous case. I guess that means she was a right-wing mole all along… or wait… maybe a left-wing mole because she won the case. Oh hell, I’m confused now.
MzNicky said,
May 30, 2008 at 0:37
Mark B: In fairness, Scottie had help.
J— said,
May 30, 2008 at 0:45
Oh hell, I’m confused now.
This is one of their aims. Keeps you off balance.
alec said,
May 30, 2008 at 0:49
Funny thing about Roe v. Wade. “Jane Roe” has been an outspoken opponent of abortion since winning her right for an abortion in the famous case. I guess that means she was a right-wing mole all along… or wait… maybe a left-wing mole because she won the case. Oh hell, I’m confused now.
She was a confused woman who had been denied the legal rights that a huge body of prior decisions guaranteed her; her lawyer was doing her job by protesting that denial. Anyone who refused to do so on the basis of ideology wouldn’t deserve the commendation of the bar.
It’s a pity that vocation has been replaced with ideolatry on the Right these days; evidently any work that suits the Party is good, and no matter how beautiful any work that fails to suit the Party is worthless.
That and, well, if Roe was such horrible judicial activism, surely the woman who won Roe the case is at least a good lawyer; maybe one of the best. Of course, far be it for us to suggest they stop freaking out about vaginas for five solitary fucking seconds to think on it; if they did they might just get their heads out of their asses and start learning other things from the civil rights pioneers.
Bitter Scribe said,
May 30, 2008 at 1:19
I’m more and more convinced that their operative model is, in fact, a secular parallel of the deranged and paranoid fundamentalist Christians who really do think you have to look all about you for tiny little signs that Satan is trying to tempt you, or that someone you trust has turned.
I was thinking more along the lines of the 1950s Communist witch hunt. Oh, well, to-MAY-to, to-MAH-to…
Strange Forces said,
May 30, 2008 at 1:51
On a sad, unrelated note – Harvey Korman, the voice of the Great Gazoo (among other things) has passed away.
WaPo Obit
Jim said,
May 30, 2008 at 1:57
As a tenuously related Harvey Korman tribute:
What’s a Mark Hemingway?
Oh, about 270 pounds.
Jay B. said,
May 30, 2008 at 2:01
Harvey Korman is never unrelated to wingnuttery as his portrayal of Rove’s Rove, Hedley Lamaar in Blazing Saddles, continues to be the role model for dozens of Republican fixers completely unaware that it was played as broad satire.
Rightwingsnarkle said,
May 30, 2008 at 2:02
Mark makes Photoshopping too easy too easy.
J— said,
May 30, 2008 at 2:08
That is sad news. Korman, as the Count de Monet in History of the World, Part I, has one my all-time favorite “God, that is so stupid, but it sure cracks me up” lines: “Don’t get saucy with me, Bernaise.”
Gary Ruppert said,
May 30, 2008 at 2:10
Mark makes Photoshopping too easy too easy.
The fact is, the fact is, there’s an echo of Democraps in here in here.
b said,
May 30, 2008 at 2:42
I should have more to say about it later when I finish, uh, living, but Mark Hemingway went to school at the University of Oregon in Eugene, home of the Oregon Country Fair and conservative icon Ken Kesey.
That should cast deep suspicion on the boneafides of any allegedly conservative republican contributor to America’s Shittiest Website.
justme said,
May 30, 2008 at 3:18
…and right between them, Uranus.
…all ze veek.
El Cid said,
May 30, 2008 at 3:18
The line from the Rightards on MSNBC’s Verdict with Dan Abrams: Scott McClellan? Him? Pshaw. He wasn’t in any meetings. He never once met with Bush. In fact, he never even worked for the President. In fact, he never once has even been to Washington D.C. This is all something made up by his editor, who wrote the book for him based on money & hallucinogenic mushrooms from George Soros!!!
justme said,
May 30, 2008 at 3:21
Well, he did dress kinda fancy, but I didn’t think he was supposed to be a broad…
LA Confidential Pantload said,
May 30, 2008 at 3:31
Mark Hemingway and J-Pod: separated at birth?
mikey said,
May 30, 2008 at 3:32
Well, I hope they enjoy their little denial of all things Scotty said that we already know beyond any scrap of a doubt actually happened.
‘Cause when the whole thing goes under, and the real truths start coming out, there’s gonna be a race to get your book out, and lots of “solid bushies” are gonna throw the criminal thugs under the bus.
And then? Well, at that point the Powerlines of the world are gonna have to just swallow it, chunks and all. The malkins and coulters and pammies of the world just run on hate. They don’t need to be tied to any given administration, they can hate just as effectively under president Obama as they could under president bush, even moreso because there will be more to shriek about.
But if you are politically invested in the disaster that has been the bush/cheney presidency, you are going down in flames as the killers not only run for the exits but try to get published before the clock runs on the value for what they might have to say…
mikey
El Cid said,
May 30, 2008 at 3:40
Right now these nutballs are fairly mainstream. I get the sense that if Obama wins and the Democrats’ hold over Congress remains or increases, they will re-emerge as the nut-squad militia right did in the 1990s. There’s a lot of money to be made in the neo-survivalist world, you can sell all sorts of crap to idiots who think the UN is about to invade and make you starve to death.
Johnny Coelacanth said,
May 30, 2008 at 3:47
“you want us to believe that the Weather Underground no longer exists, when in reality it is the organization controlling the robot Obama”
I thought they controlled the weather. Goddamnit, I never get the memos.
Smut Clyde said,
May 30, 2008 at 3:49
the UN is about to invade and
make you starve to deathbring relief supplies to delta cities receiving no assistance from central government in the wake of a devastating hurricane.Fixed
Smut Clyde said,
May 30, 2008 at 3:51
lots of “solid bushies” are gonna throw the criminal thugs under the bus.
The bus lanes will be paved with good intentions.
kingubu said,
May 30, 2008 at 3:53
Godspeed, you silly bastard.
Arky H8r of VürdPress said,
May 30, 2008 at 4:25
Grand Moff Texan FtW*
*For the Win**
**For those of you who don’t like abbreviations.***
***Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
acrannymint said,
May 30, 2008 at 4:27
I have heard a lot of speculation on why it took him so long to spill the beans.My personal opinion: Brother Mark was the Adminstrator of the agency that administers Medicare. I think he wanted to wait until his bro was out of that job before risking exposure.
Note: as a MD and JD, his bro was probably qualified for the job unlike so many other appointees
Doctorb said,
May 30, 2008 at 4:32
It’s 2008; I don’t see why you’re still calling Robama “Robot Obama”.
Some Guy said,
May 30, 2008 at 4:41
You know, it’s weird, I never knew that Lord of the Flies was a documentary.
“Unfortunately, McClellan has been thrown out of the tribe. Jack has informed me that McClellan was probably a spy for Ralph all along. McClellan shall get no more meat, and he will be killed as soon as we can clean off the Kill Piggy rock and bring it back up here.”
slag said,
May 30, 2008 at 4:46
I think the liberal tell was the fact that McClellan actually took a class on leadership. We all know that conservatives hate everything about leadership–the thinking about things, the work involved, even the general concept of leadership makes them wince. The Ann Richards part was bonus.
Kathleen said,
May 30, 2008 at 4:49
“I think the liberal tell was the fact that McClellan actually took a class on leadership. ”
LOL. awesome.
Blue Buddha said,
May 30, 2008 at 5:07
OT, but BWA-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Study shows media treats McCain negatively, Obama and Clinton kindly
posted at 10:30 am on May 29, 2008 by Ed Morrissey
Go git ‘em Captain Ed!
Krassen said,
May 30, 2008 at 5:39
Buddha,
this is sooo funny.
McCain’s negatives in coverage are higher than Obama and Clinton … yet the main “negative” (50% of ALL stories) is that he is not conservative enough!
Conclusion: Liberal Bias-as-as-as-as!!!!!
Huh???
Libertarius ShadowLord said,
May 30, 2008 at 6:01
I just got McClellan’s book and this just jumped out from the page…
“The geisha pimp kept a bear in a cage to deflower virgins and Karl Rove would gleefully torment the beast with a stick whittled by Jeff Gannon. Gannon’s whittling was famous, he could carve nine inches in a single stroke. Lynne Cheney would commission mahogany double pointed phalluss’ for steamy clinches with lady republicans who were congressional hopefuls. Little did those amenable wenchpresentatives realize that David Vitter had a strict regimen for their maternal talents. Oh, and Larry Craig was the normalest one.”
I almost regret shoplifting this book.
Tim O said,
May 30, 2008 at 15:31
THAT’S NOT NEPTUNE, THAT’S URANUS!
OneMadClown said,
May 30, 2008 at 17:20
Anyone notice that Hemingway’s unaltered pic appears to have been taken in the bathroom? Taking that into account, his weirdly sheepish grin begins to disturb me…I’m starting to wonder if what we’re seeing is a cropped pic, the bottom half of which Mark only uses on Wingnut Adult Friend Finder…
I just threw up a little.
justme said,
May 30, 2008 at 17:57
For years now, I’ve been saying that this administration resembles Lord of the Flies more than it does 1984. It seems they aspire to the Orwellian, but can only muster a grade-school implementation. It doesn’t say much for us, as a people, that that much is enough.
I’ve been waiting to crawl out onto the beach and bump my nose into some polished naval footwear, but it just ain’t happening.
Gus said,
May 30, 2008 at 20:24
My favorite history instructor described himself as to the right of Attila the Hun. He was a brilliant lecturer with a strong grasp of ancient history. Are these fuckheads such slaves to their ideology that they can’t appreciate anyone who might have a different view? Sorry, stupid question.
Gary Ruppert said,
May 30, 2008 at 23:43
Mark Hemingway is, in reality, British-Iranian comedian Omid Djalili. Having tried to pass himself off as an Iraqi in a programme that tried to stop us patriotically bombing Iraq, he’s now infiltrated America’s Shittiest Website™, no doubt with mischief in mind. The fact is, he should be bombed, like any Iranian.
Pilar Cruz said,
June 1, 2008 at 9:13
Looks like the Heminator has lost some weight since college. Hair too. The one thing that’s stayed the same is that he’s a screaming asshole.
jenniebee said,
June 2, 2008 at 23:52
The Inquisition
What a show!
The Inquisition
Here we go!
Rebecca said,
June 4, 2008 at 2:07
“Midget” is extremely offensive.
Clif said,
June 4, 2008 at 2:10
Tell that to H.K. Rowling — it’s a direct quote from a Harry Potter book, and is a reference to drawing ridiculous conclusions from ordinary events.