Sadly, No! » Shorter Michelle Malkin

May
29

Shorter Michelle Malkin

Posted at 19:30 by Gavin M.

Google news search: Malkin+Donuts

Above: Another weekly staff meeting at Malkin, LLC

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

Permalink

84 Comments »

t4toby said,

May 29, 2008 at 19:34

The Whole Enchilada
Tom65 said,

May 29, 2008 at 19:34

Don’t we mean Jesse’s boner?

Oh, right.
Snort said,

May 29, 2008 at 19:41

Colter’s the Joker?
Pirelli's Purse said,

May 29, 2008 at 19:42

I’d be interested to know exactly how many boners The Joker is able to make. Also of interest: Flash’s refractory period.
Righteous Bubba said,

May 29, 2008 at 19:42

It’s a real feather in her crap.
Pirelli's Purse said,

May 29, 2008 at 19:44

I still recall fondly TBogg’s characterization of Magalang’s “back-arching rage-gasm”. Twas Teh Funee.
henry lewis said,

May 29, 2008 at 19:44

The Epicurious’ blogger has a good take on all this.
stringonastick said,

May 29, 2008 at 19:48

The campaign to tell Dunkin Donuts they are a bunch of rageomatic-appeasers seems like a fine idea. Once these companies quit cowering in fear over purile crap like this from a loon like MalKKKin, we’ll be on our way to a saner Murika.
Michael said,

May 29, 2008 at 19:49

Shouldn’t all those sources in the Google news search refer to her as former Fox News commentator Michelle Malkin?

Although, if we’re being technical and everything, they should refer to her as “former Fox News commentator and batshit crazy xenophobe Michelle Malkin.”
El Cid said,

May 29, 2008 at 19:51

Oh yeah? How do you know they weren’t using a paisley scarf to signal their support for Ian Paisley, known supporter of Northern Irish anti-Catholic terrorists!
Jennifer said,

May 29, 2008 at 19:53

Try googling “Althouse + onion rings”.
Pirelli's Purse said,

May 29, 2008 at 19:55

This is the bit that I find high-sterical is at the bottom of the google search: New! Get the latest news on malkin donuts with Google Alerts.
kiki said,

May 29, 2008 at 19:58

La-zy wingnut scum
La-zy wingnut scum
Their hearts are dead
And their brains are numb
Lazy lying wingnut scum
Lazy lying wingnut scum…

A million theoretical internet dollars to the first person to identify the TV show this little ditty was adapted from…
Me said,

May 29, 2008 at 19:58

I’d pull a boner if I weren’t so fagged out.
Pirelli's Purse said,

May 29, 2008 at 19:59

Pinky and the Brain?
Ann Althouse's Slowly Tilting Wine Glass said,

May 29, 2008 at 20:01

I’ve no doubt that America’s Scariest Cheerleader is even now celebrating her victory in the War On Scarves by scarfing down a whole box of Krispy Kremes, then vomiting.
JK47 said,

May 29, 2008 at 20:02

I just love when Michelle does anything that allows the S,N staff to bust out the iconic “Malkin going down in flames” pic.
Righteous Bubba said,

May 29, 2008 at 20:07

Let it be said that Malkin can pull boners from the jaws of…wait, I got another metaphor I’m working on.
g said,

May 29, 2008 at 20:13

Try googling “Althouse + onion rings”.

And are not donuts simply the same symbol that onion rings are, only more so?
Thursday said,

May 29, 2008 at 20:13

I notice she’s strenuously avoiding mentioning how evil jackboots are. Does this mean she supports Nazis, or that her immediate employer is a big fan of them?

Either way, her cowardly stance has not fallen beneath my notice!
mikey said,

May 29, 2008 at 20:18

I’m just glad everyone’s chortling at HER boner and not mine.

I mean, that’s pure HELL on your self-esteem…

mikey
El Cid said,

May 29, 2008 at 20:22

Don’t look now, but Krispy Kreme has 3 locations in the biggest Muslim nation in the world, Indonesia.

I think a surprise scarf check would be the least of their worries.
FuriousGeorge said,

May 29, 2008 at 20:28

Muslims? But the people in Indonesia are, like, gooks. How can this be? Are they gooks or are they Islamofascists? They couldn’t be….both, could they? Because that would be our two worst enemies combining to form super Voltron enemy, and we would be fucked.
Matt said,

May 29, 2008 at 20:30

I don’t laugh at Malkin’s boner. Malkin’s boner terrifies me. And it should scare you too.
Pirelli's Purse said,

May 29, 2008 at 20:32

Mikey it’s not the laughing I hate, it’s the pointing. AND the laughing.
Pirelli's Purse said,

May 29, 2008 at 20:34

They can chortle all they want, but one guffaw… I will be most put out.
fadgeophile said,

May 29, 2008 at 20:37

I happen to like my boner chortled…
Vic said,

May 29, 2008 at 20:39

Normally, I’d feel nauseous even acknowledging in conversation the very existence of Rachel Ray, but in this case it’s not so bad.
Incontinentia Buttocks said,

May 29, 2008 at 20:47

The Epicurious’ blogger has a good take on all this.

Thanks for the link. It is generally a good take. But I gotta take exception to this:

….Arafat, who treated the 2000 Camp David negotiations with Ehud Barak like a haggling session in a souk and perhaps singlehandedly dashed hopes for peace in the Middle East.

There’s certainly plenty for which Arafat deserves to be criticized, and I would never go to Epi-log for my Israel-Palestine blogging, but the idea that the 2000 Camp David negotiations would have resulted in a peaceful, equitable, long-term solution if it weren’t for Arafat’s intransigence is ridiculous. I also think the “haggling session in a souk” reference is bizarre. Other than the mildly offensive cultural stereotype, what exactly is wrong about treating a haggling session as a haggling session?
not even an mba said,

May 29, 2008 at 20:51

I for one welcome or chortling boner overlords and I’d like to remind them that without an mba I can be helpful rounding out donuts to feed to the slave workers in the keffiyah factories.
flavortext said,

May 29, 2008 at 20:56

Can we just call it like it is? Islamophobia? Xenophobia? Bigotry?
Nimrod Gently said,

May 29, 2008 at 21:00

Chortle at Joker’s Boner.

Still funny.
Don Surber, Song Parodist Extraordinaire said,

May 29, 2008 at 21:06

Has anyone seen my thumb piano and rhyming dictionary? My soon to be completed pro-Malkin, anti-Rachel Ray parody “Three Times a Dhimmi” will leave you moonbats steaming with rage.
Hillary Clinton said,

May 29, 2008 at 21:10

And are not donuts simply the same symbol that onion rings are, only more so?

Glazed, please.
Barack Obama said,

May 29, 2008 at 21:10

I’ll have the eclair.
Kathleen said,

May 29, 2008 at 21:21

you guys have been on fire this week.
Blue Buddha said,

May 29, 2008 at 21:24

Pirelli’s Purse said,

May 29, 2008 at 19:44

I still recall fondly TBogg’s characterization of Magalang’s “back-arching rage-gasm”. Twas Teh Funee.

Hey, you can’t have a rage-gasm without pulling a boner first.
Arky H8r of VurdPress said,

May 29, 2008 at 21:26

The Chicago Tribune article has a comments section. Whole lotta mockery and snarkery goin’ on.
Hoosier X said,

May 29, 2008 at 21:30

you guys have been on fire this week.

True. But give credit to the massive wingnut meltdown for providing so much material.

(Isn’t John McCain due for another gaffe, er – speech? Maybe he can weigh in on Buchenwaldgate and add his special brand of heft to the current right-wing talking point that the Greatest Generation hates America?)
erlking said,

May 29, 2008 at 21:31

Holy shit. Even the freepers think the Malkin has gone mental:
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2023098/posts

We’re through the looking glass here, people.
DocAmazing said,

May 29, 2008 at 21:33

Bonerama.
Darkness said,

May 29, 2008 at 21:44

Remind me again… what day of the year do we remind Michelle that she IS one of the brown people. And whose turn is it?

And on a previous topic… who’s Rachel Ray?
Funkula said,

May 29, 2008 at 21:47

Call me juvenile, but the Joker’s boner just never gets old.
GSD said,

May 29, 2008 at 21:48

Breaking News!

Michelle Malkin spotted wearing a terrorist, Islamo-fascist Ghaddaffy/Arafat keffiyah style skirt in online video.

Updates to follow.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tt_YcQlYxyY

-GSD
El Cid said,

May 29, 2008 at 21:48

Well, at least all the freepers haven’t abandoned poor Anchor Baby Malkin:

I gotta go with Michelle on this one. I approve very much of RR. But some trendy little stylist draped this thing over her for the shoot because that’s what the dhimmi, Democrat fashion industry is showing this year: stylish adaptations of burkhas and other terror-wear. Hard to believe, but it’s true.

A few years ago, only a died-in-the-wool campus Marxist or Euro-anti-Semite-Pali-chick would have worn those god-awful black-and-white scarves. They’re part of the fashion industry’s yearning to cozy up to the enemies of the West—just as they used to push those little Soviet stars a decade or so ago. Michelle just called them on it, and she was right to do it. I’ll bet you dollars to doughnuts that Dunkin wouldn’t have responded if their own focus groups hadn’t agreed with Michelle.

Sure, it’s true ordinary folks wear those scarves and burkha-heads in Arabia. But the reason the fashionistas picked up on them is because terrorists wear them. The more our people wear terrorist clothing, the more regular folks will think that maybe those scary murderers aren’t so alien and bad after all. And why do we have to have an army, anyway?

by SamuraiScot

Sure, you can try & point out that it was actually a paisley patterned scarf. But the next level of wingnut react is to then claim that, yeah, they chose the paisley for plausible deniability so that it would look like a pro-terrorist keffiyeh even though maybe yeah it wasn’t but it’s all part of the plan.

See, there was even a secret focus group no one can prove who previously had not noticed the pro-terror scarf but now which totally does.

They really believe this sh*t, just like fundamentalist Christians who believe in the Devil hanging around to personally tempt every soul think every minor coincidence or vaguely imagined pattern in life, or in the clouds, or in a stain or a broken piece of cracker is either Satan personally trying to tempt them or an angel trying to warn or help them.
Principal Blackman said,

May 29, 2008 at 21:53

Holy shit. Even the freepers think the Malkin has gone mental:
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2023098/posts

We’re through the looking glass here, people.

Jebus H. Krist! The world really doesn’t make any sense these days.

Still, do you think Malkin will take the hint when even the fuckin’ Freepers are saying, “Hey, uh, you might want to tone down the stupid, there, and try to deal with something important,” and backtrack?

Nah.
tigrismus said,

May 29, 2008 at 21:56

SamaraiScot! Watch out or he’ll break out the dumbchaku on your ass.
Ponce de León said,

May 29, 2008 at 21:58

the Joker’s boner just never gets old.

What?
El Cid said,

May 29, 2008 at 22:21

This city deserves a better class of wingnut. And I’m gonna give it to ‘em.
Iris said,

May 29, 2008 at 22:21

We’ve always had muffins, just because we agreed to donuts instead doesn’t mean that we should ignore the muffins. Besides it’s ridiculous to compare donuts to onion rings. Muffins are the only real metric because they are way more popular and also much more representative of what people eat in November. The fact that you’re all obsessed with donuts is because you’re all a bunch of misogynists. In closing I’d like to point out that muffins are way more progressive than donuts or onion rings despite how much the muffins might have supported an illegal military operation.
montysano said,

May 29, 2008 at 22:26

Normally, I’d feel nauseous even acknowledging in conversation the very existence of Rachel Ray, but in this case it’s not so bad.

Rachel Ray….. boner……”Yum-O!!”……. chortle.

What a great thread this is.
g said,

May 29, 2008 at 22:30

Sure, it’s true ordinary folks wear those scarves and burkha-heads in Arabia

“burkha-heads”????? Whuh?
UltraPrime said,

May 29, 2008 at 22:37

This was my feedback to DD via their website:

This is just to inform you I will no longer be a consumer of your products (despite quite enjoying them) due to your craven response to the lunatic blathering of pathetic right-wing blow-hards.

Time to boycott the donuts.
Christ's Left Nut said,

May 29, 2008 at 22:39

“just as they used to push those little Soviet stars a decade or so ago. ”

In the mid-90s? Yeah, if those stars had REALLY caught on then, the Soviets would have BURIED us.
Jay B. said,

May 29, 2008 at 22:53

I was taken by this one in the Freeper thread for some reason:

To: JZelle

Rachel hasn’t shown any political extremeist tendencies on her shows that I’ve noticed. I think Michelle was stretching on this one.

6 posted on Thu May 29 11:15:03 2008 by contemplator (Capitalism gets no Rock Concerts)

Was it the smarmy Kommisar ‘tude that he can vouch for Rachel on this? Was it the idea that he normally would judge some Food Network idiot on some ‘political extremism’ if there was some case to make? Or was it the tag “Capitalism gets no Rock Concerts”?

A little of all three, but a lot on the last which has that defiantly incoherent insouciance one looks for in the truly moronic.

Capitalism is the Rock Concert, man!
Candy said,

May 29, 2008 at 22:56

A few years ago, only a died-in-the-wool campus Marxist or Euro-anti-Semite-Pali-chick would have worn those god-awful black-and-white scarves. They’re part of the fashion industry’s yearning to cozy up to the

I had a good chortle over the misuse of the phrase dyed-in-the-wool in a wingnut fashion commentary.

My pet moth died in the wool today. He was a deeply disturbed moth who always favored his right wing, but I shall miss him.
Arky H8r of VurdPress said,

May 29, 2008 at 23:11

Call me juvenile, but the Joker’s boner just never gets old.

Indeed. It gave a stunning performance in Batman Foreskinever.
Smut Clyde said,

May 29, 2008 at 23:13

a died-in-the-wool campus Marxist or Euro-anti-Semite-Pali-chick
That kind of tragic industrial accident with a wool-baling machine happens all the time in New Zealand.
bargal20 said,

May 29, 2008 at 23:42

I don’t care how much you guys protest. You’d glaze her donut. Admit it.
g said,

May 29, 2008 at 23:57

They’re part of the fashion industry’s yearning to cozy up to the enemies of the West

Right. Cause Alexander McQueen, Miucci Prada, Donatella Versace, and Tommy Hilfiger are primarily motivated by poltical ideology. And you thought all they cared about was money, champagne, and cocaine!
g said,

May 29, 2008 at 23:58

Rachel hasn’t shown any political extremeist tendencies on her shows that I’ve noticed.

But I’ve got my eye on that Alton Brown!
fadgeophile said,

May 30, 2008 at 0:12

I might glaze Cheerleader Malkin’s donut, but there is no way I’d glaze Haggard Saudi Sympathizer Malkin’s donut.
smut clyde said,

May 30, 2008 at 0:25

died-in-the-wool
In a similar vein, I foresee the day when there are more Google-hits for “Bread in the bone” than there are for the correct version of the phrase. And we shall know that the End Days are upon us.
Jay B. said,

May 30, 2008 at 0:28

They’re part of the fashion industry’s yearning to cozy up to the enemies of the West

Hugo Boss didn’t design the look for Ho Chi Minh’s henchmen, sweetheart.

But I’ve got my eye on that Alton Brown!

See, I have Emeril in my “Enemy of the State” pool, especially in light of his accent, his wearing of the ceremonial kaffyr-esque “checks” pants AND his book, “Everything I Know About Cooking, I Learned from Che Guevara.
slippy hussein toad said,

May 30, 2008 at 1:45

I had a good chortle over the misuse of the phrase dyed-in-the-wool in a wingnut fashion commentary.

Was that a wool scarf that Rachel was wearing?

Could the ad campaign be said to have died in the wool?

Or am I just drunk enough to be having too goddamn much fun?

On another note, when will Michelle Malkin’s 15 minutes be up? Is she useful for anything except head-crushing worldwide-headline-making stupidity?
Arky H8r of VürdPress said,

May 30, 2008 at 2:44

They’re part of the fashion industry’s yearning to cozy up to the enemies of the West

Oh noes the fashion industries cunning plan to get rid of teh gheys who have infiltrated has been exposed!

Step 1: Cozy up to people who hate teh ghey.
Step 2: ???
Step 3: Profit!!

But I forget. These are the same people who gave us Barachmed HUSSEIN Obamani, the Radical Muslim Scary Christian Communist Sissy Boy DhimmicRAT!!
duncan go-nuts said,

May 30, 2008 at 2:55

I wouldn’t glaze malkin’s donut. not even with ruppert’s toothpick.
El Cid said,

May 30, 2008 at 3:22

Clearly the only way we can remain safe is for the fashion industry to be based in the GOP headquarters. Once Republicans can style our leading fashions, patriotism will follow, and we will know the traitors by the degree to which they laugh at the new GOP fashions.
mndean said,

May 30, 2008 at 4:13

I’m extremely surprised that none of Malkin’s moonbats who comment wished that Rachael would do an Isadora Duncan with her “keffiyah” paisley scarf. I mean, it would’ve been a hateful eliminationist/Islamophobic twofer, something I suspect they couldn’t have resisted. But then, that would require that the cellar dwellers have any knowledge of history beyond what’s fed them daily from the flaming brown bomber. I’m rather relieved they’re so boring with little original thought.
jim said,

May 30, 2008 at 4:37

DD … MM … RR … I see a pattern here.
Someone needs to warn ZZ Top about this.
Doctorb said,

May 30, 2008 at 5:02

Ultra Prime, it seems liek good idea to boycott them for caving on that other boycott, but think for a sec — you just made some poor donut executive’s head explode.

Or maybe I’m high. I dunno.
Tommykey said,

May 30, 2008 at 5:30

Malkin reminds me a little of Bruno Kirby’s character in Good Morning Vietnam: “Sir, in my heart, I know I’m funny.”

Only, in Malkin’s case, “In my heart, I know I struck a blow in the war against terror.”
Righteous Bubba said,

May 30, 2008 at 5:37

Someone needs to warn ZZ Top about this.

ZZ Top has been taken.
lobbey said,

May 30, 2008 at 6:25

And on a previous topic… who’s Rachel Ray?

I’m wondering this also, another Z list celeb, or vapid model?

Holy shit. Even the freepers think the Malkin has gone mental:. Well most of them, I just loved the following comment over there for the bug eyed paranoid style, how does this guy (and it must be a guy) ever get through a day:

#49: I gotta go with Michelle on this one. I approve very much of RR. But some trendy little stylist draped this thing over her for the shoot because that’s what the dhimmi, Democrat fashion industry is showing this year: stylish adaptations of burkhas and other terror-wear. Hard to believe, but it’s true.

A few years ago, only a died-in-the-wool campus Marxist or Euro-anti-Semite-Pali-chick would have worn those god-awful black-and-white scarves. They’re part of the fashion industry’s yearning to cozy up to the enemies of the West—just as they used to push those little Soviet stars a decade or so ago. Michelle just called them on it, and she was right to do it. I’ll bet you dollars to doughnuts that Dunkin wouldn’t have responded if their own focus groups hadn’t agreed with Michelle.

Sure, it’s true ordinary folks wear those scarves and burkha-heads in Arabia. But the reason the fashionistas picked up on them is because terrorists wear them. The more our people wear terrorist clothing, the more regular folks will think that maybe those scary murderers aren’t so alien and bad after all. And why do we have to have an army, anyway?

Oh dear, oh dear.
Caveat said,

May 30, 2008 at 6:56

Steve Hart at The Opinion Mill is suggesting a boycott of Dunkin Donuts. I like it.

http://theopinionmill.wordpress.com/2008/05/29/dunkin-do-not/
ahem said,

May 30, 2008 at 11:51

Steve Hart at The Opinion Mill is suggesting a boycott of Dunkin Donuts. I like it.

Better: complain that they need to stop using arabica beans. Ideally, using ‘Michelle Malkin’ as your name in the complaint.
Just Alison said,

May 30, 2008 at 12:41

On the Epicurious site, the clearly rational, intelligent, thoughtful and well-informed commenter orionsbow2008 had this to say:
In Australia and Scandinavia, where the problem of Islamic radicals seizing governmental power is as real but not as pronounced, there is strong opposition leadership that, in effect, has stated that Islam is not compatible with western values and thus not welcome there.

Clearly I, merely by virtue of living in Australia (as I have done since birth, nay, conception), lack the insight to perceive the nefarious actions of cunning Islamic radicals and the staunch attempts of the opposition party* to thwart them. Alack for me.

Honestly, what a complete tossbag.

* The same opposition that was recently unceremoniously booed out of office (tootling my own horn a tad).
Smut Clyde said,

May 30, 2008 at 13:03

Oi, what about us here in New Zealand? How come we don’t get a real (but not as pronounced) problem of ~~Christian~~ Islamic radicals seizing governmental power? I feel left out.
Magda Carter said,

May 30, 2008 at 13:31

“You’d glaze her donut. Admit it.”

MM’s? Or RRs?
I’d glaze a starbucks pastry first.

hey, just alison, hi.
do you think we can ask to keep it clean regarding any oblique references to our Heath? Too fascist, perhaps.
-MC
Just Alison said,

May 30, 2008 at 13:47

Oh, Smut, you’ve got that highly dangerous music scene down in Dunedin, full of gods-know-what radicals and commies. That’s scary enough to a conservative.

Besides, he was probably so charmed by all the sheep he couldn’t see the Islamomenace for the wool being pulled over his eyes.

MC, sorry, but I think you’ve got the best of me on that one. Heath? In the words of the eternally entertaining Pauline Hanson, “Please explain”…
El Cid said,

May 30, 2008 at 15:23

Clearly, the drinking of coffee which comes originally from Ethiopia which today is a Coptic Christian nation which I don’t know what it is but it sounds pretty Muslim is wrong and should not be done by Great American Patriot Conservatives.
tigrismus said,

May 30, 2008 at 15:26

ZZ Top has been taken.

So true!
Kip W said,

June 3, 2008 at 3:47

I thought shorter boners were a Limbaugh thing.
TBogg » Because C-Span II was all booked up with white men a-droning said,

October 11, 2009 at 23:27

[...] know, there are more food groups than onion rings and donuts… 15 Comments [...]

Shorter Michelle Malkin

84 Comments »

Leave a Comment

Commercials

Hall of Flame

Paying Bills

Things of Interest

BradRoll

GavRoll

HTML Roll

SebRoll

TravRoll

Meta

Archives

Employees Only

Secrets