May
25

Why McCain Avoids Malkin, Sammich-Jihad Edition




Posted at 19:25 by Gavin M.
“Hokay, [snort] who order de snotchos?”

Remember a few days back when we noted that Malkin always pulls the same tricks? Having implicated Dunkin’ Donuts in a jihadi neckwear conspiracy, she’s now casting her scouring fish eye upon Subway, the sandwich chain.

Subway sandwich shop: “No home schools will be accepted.”
By Michelle Malkin
May 25, 2008 08:17 AM

The Subway sandwich corporation is holding a story-writing contest for kids. You can win athletic equipment, gift baskets, or sandwich shop cash cards.

Except if you’re a homeschooled student in the “Untied (sic) States.”

Perhaps they fear the homeschooled students will call attention to all their spelling errors. Looks like the Subway marketing department ought to hire a few homeschoolers to help them out.

More here.

I vote for this essay. Touché.

Ah, but watch how the message changed when it passed through Malkin. Here’s what she left out from the contest rules:

Enter the Every Sandwich Tells a Story Contest for a chance to win great prizes for your child’s school!

Here’s what you could win:

1 Grand Prize Winner:

Athletic equipment for your child’s school ($5,000 value)
– Scholastic Gift Bastket (sic) for your home
– SUBWAY Card ($100 value)
– See your story published on www.subwaykids.com and in Scholastic Parent and Child magazine.

(Emphasis ours, by the way.) This was not misunderstood by the homeschooling magazine from which she got the story:

The presumed rationale for the exclusion is that the grand prize is athletic equipment for a school and that “home schools” aren’t organized schools and that the equipment is intended for a community, not a family.

But when Malkin was done removing contextual information from the story, it was processed and ready for pickup by her readership of angry, paranoid buffoons. The Subway fast-food chain was discriminating against homeschoolers for no apparent reason, evidently from bigotry alone, seemingly out of petty-minded liberal spite. It was yet another example of the daily insult inflicted by liberals upon the majority of normal, decent Americans — i.e., themselves (i.e., a minority of angry, paranoid buffoons).

Why, here comes one now:

Socialist “Curriculum” cannot penetrate home schools…therefore, they must be outlawed. (Updated – Corporate America Agrees)

(Updated) Michelle Malkin reports, “The Subway sandwich corporation is holding a story-writing contest for kids. You can win athletic equipment, gift baskets, or sandwich shop cash cards. Except if you’re a homeschooled student…

[...]

Doctor’s Associates Inc., which owns and operates Subway, typifies an American corporation with an international bent toward subverting the U.S. Constitution and acting as socialism’s change agent. Don’t believe it? Check out its “Helping Society” page, outlining its “diversity” and “going green” policies, as well as it’s commitment to to only dealing with “business partners” adhere to the same practices.

On the other hand, the real question might be, exactly how dumb is Chris Muir?

Yep, because McCain’s people have no other motivation for deciding not to to invite a disaster-prone, big-mouthed conspiracy lunatic like Michelle Malkin onto their conference calls. It also certainly has nothing to do with the minuscule, indeed barely-admissible consideration that she publicly despises McCain as a traitor to conservatism who is controlled by Hispanic supremacists. And now it’s soup, no less. After coffee, donuts, and sandwiches, have we reached the first course of a Dinner Intifada?

Oh my God, YES WE HAVE

104 Comments »

  1. anangryoldbroad said,

    May 25, 2008 at 19:32

    So I take it Michelle homeschools her kids,right?

    She must just be an absolute(heh) joy to live with. There’s not enough mental health care in the entire nation to help her.

  2. Satan's Dirty Underwear said,

    May 25, 2008 at 19:32

    It’s our god given right to eat as much arugula as we want.

  3. El Cid said,

    May 25, 2008 at 19:42

    It is simply unfair that the Subway chain would dare to think that a school full of, say, hundreds or thousands of students would more deserve $5,000 in athletic equipment than a homeschool with 1 or 2.

    Besides, from a rational conservative point of view, surely we should prefer to gift 1 or 2 children with really, really, really nice athletic equipment so that we can develop potential Aynrandian superstars than tempt hundreds or thousands of children in mere mass education that their ability to use the “socialized” sports equipment in their schools means that they deserve anything more than a swift kick in the face and being publicly denounced for letting their parents who never had a chance to get much higher education stay at home from work to teach them about how the Grand Canyon was carved 30 years ago from Ronald Reagan’s tears at how beautiful He found Morning in America to be.

  4. Ted said,

    May 25, 2008 at 19:48

    I, for one, welcome our new fast food socialist overlords. I’d remind them that I could be useful in rounding up slaves to work in their underground donut and french bread mines.

  5. mikey said,

    May 25, 2008 at 19:57

    Hokay. Sorry, but I need somebody to explain the DbD comic to me again.

    I really don’t think I’m stupid, but I find Muir to be utterly impenetrable…

    mikey

  6. El Cid said,

    May 25, 2008 at 19:57

    Besides, none of us will be fooled by the seditious meanings behind their constant lures to appreciate $5 foot-longs.

  7. pedestrian said,

    May 25, 2008 at 19:58

    Yes, all the giant corporations in the US are part of a massive conspiracy to launch a socialist revolution in America.
    She may as well rail at birds for trying to eat the sun. She’s literally THAT crazy.

  8. Righteous Bubba said,

    May 25, 2008 at 20:00

    From the last link:

    So Mr. Obama thrills his Whole Foods base

    Rich white people? I’m a cynic and all, but…

  9. El Cid said,

    May 25, 2008 at 20:02

    pedestrian: I guess people like you would just be happy if birds finally ate Our Sun because then it would be up to your Big Government friends to keep us alive for several more days. So, fine, let the Islamavianofascists destroy the source of our American warmth & productivity. But don’t say you weren’t warned.

  10. JR said,

    May 25, 2008 at 20:03

    Guys, I’m worried. The Malkinites are going to starve to death. Maybe we should start a non-Liberal food drive for them.

  11. pedestrian said,

    May 25, 2008 at 20:03

    Check out its “Helping Society” page, outlining its “diversity” and “going green” policies, as well as it’s commitment to to only dealing with “business partners” adhere to the same practices.

    I hope someone starts a group to boycott corporations for being too envirnomentally friendly. I would just laugh and laugh.

    Does she realize that they do this because it’s profitable? You know, free market? ZOMG they put attractive people in their commercials too!! They’re going to kill all the ugly people!

  12. pedestrian said,

    May 25, 2008 at 20:05

    Maybe we should start a non-Liberal food drive for them.

    Yeah, but any place conservative enough for Malkin would refuse to serve her. It is a puzzle.

  13. g said,

    May 25, 2008 at 20:06

    Oh, goody! It’s the next step in the right wing’s efforts to say “so there, libruls!”

    first, they’re driving up their electric bills by running the airconditioner at 68 degreees and the heat at 80, just to let us know what they think about our evil librul conservation efforts!

    ouch!

    next, they spend hundred and hundred of dollars filling the tanks of their 8 cylinder gas guzzlers, purchased as a satisfying “in yer face!” gesture to us effete Prius drivers.

    Snap! you moonbats!

    the third step in the right’s Operation Doofus is to defy Obama’s aruglua-eating nanny-state by ingesting record amounts of transfats, beef butchered from downer cows (there will be an underground movement that actually seeks out such cows for barbecue parties, in defiance of state regulations!) non-boycotted Krispy Kreme doughnuts (take that, you Palestinian-loving jihadi Dunkin’ Donuts!). Parents will exhort their children to keep stuffing in the ice cream and sherbet. Bumper stickers on the backs of SUVs will proudly exclaim, “My Child is Fatter than Yours!” and “I heart Diabetes”.

    They’ll show us, all right! Just imagine how the leftist moonbats will howl when Jonah and Michelle show us how fat and unhealthy they can make themselves!

    Take that, Dhimmis!

  14. MrWonderful said,

    May 25, 2008 at 20:06

    Come on. Seriously. Chris Muir: what gives? Stealing from Seinfeld and it STILL doesn’t make sense?

    Whose quote is “McCain can’t take any criticism”? Malkin’s? Does everyone know that except me?

    And where’s the sexy woman in the panties? What’s the POINT?

  15. noen said,

    May 25, 2008 at 20:07

    watch how the message changed when it passed through Malkin

    I really didn’t need that visual.

  16. g said,

    May 25, 2008 at 20:13

    You really have to feel sorry for the Malkin-ites. They live in a world that can be threatened by Subway sandwiches, scarves, tacos, and children’s books.

  17. Gavin M. said,

    May 25, 2008 at 20:13

    Hokay. Sorry, but I need somebody to explain the DbD comic to me again.

    I really don’t think I’m stupid, but I find Muir to be utterly impenetrable…

    It’s something like, since John McCain’s campaign is giving out ‘points’ to supporters who troll other websites and repeat talking points, and also since McCain’s people want nothing to do with Michelle Malkin, then McCain is like the ‘soup nazi’ in Seinfeld who denies soup to people for arbitrary reasons. In the last panel we see McCain himself telephoning Malkin from the Capitol to tell her that she has earned no ‘points’ (i.e. ‘soup’).

    …Exactly like real life, in other words.

  18. Johnny Coelacanth said,

    May 25, 2008 at 20:13

    From another article at that FortHardKnox site (Why America is Doomed) “Greed, be it corporate or individual will be the ruination of America. Liberal education and media have skewed our value system.”

    Ah, yes. Gordon Gekko, well known liberal philosopher, in collusion with those Dirty Fucking Hippies and their emphasis on profit over people.

  19. g said,

    May 25, 2008 at 20:14

    Not to mention 12 year old accicent victims and their home-carpentered countertops.

  20. mikey said,

    May 25, 2008 at 20:16

    Ok. I get that. I NEVER would have gotten that from the comic itself, though.

    Should somebody maybe tell Chris Muir that it would be helpful to communicate in complete sentences instead of coded squeaks, grunts and isolated non-sequiter monosylables?

    It’s like his entire audience is comprised of R2 units…

    mikey

  21. Arky H8r of VürdPress said,

    May 25, 2008 at 20:20

    Jesus Christ on a pogo stick. Chica is scraping the bottom of the outrage barrel. The biggest grocery chain in the area has (for years) had a program that gave money to local public schools based on how much parents shopped there (or something like that). Now it appears that such programs are evil doody caca liebural filth because there was no way for a home schooled child to benefit!

    I’ve got nothing against home schooling per se. Some people have had to home school for a while because they couldn’t afford private and the public school simply sucked ass. I had friends who pulled their kid when some fuck of a teacher freaked out because the friends were both women.

    But the thing about home schooling is you’re taking your child off the grid. You’re saying you don’t want anything to do with regular schools or what they have to offer. So far as you’re concerned, they don’t exist. So you forfeit your right to whine.

    So shut up Malkin.

  22. Righteous Bubba said,

    May 25, 2008 at 20:21

    In the last panel we see McCain himself telephoning Malkin from the Capitol to tell her that she has earned no ‘points’ (i.e. ’soup’).

    …Exactly like real life, in other words.

    Except for the omission of “cunt”.

  23. justme said,

    May 25, 2008 at 20:22

    Good God, that last bit is just more batshit wacktasticness than my poor little noggin can grasp at one time. So, let me see. Armed Forces Radio playing only Fox, Hannity and Rush = good. Private companies deciding they don’t want their employees frittering their time away on borderline hate speech = Constitutional crisis. Mercenaries allowed to rape American citizens under an umbrella of corporate protection = good. Giving health benefits to the partners of Teh Gheys = cause for revocation of your commie corporate charter.

    I can’t imagine the sort of mental contortions required for that cobag to actually hold this bold new opinion of limited corporate personhood and his standard right-whinge conception of unfettered free-market uber alles in the same skull without his grey matter sponaneously redecorating the walls. That is some of the funniest shit I have ever seen.

    Just wow.

  24. justme said,

    May 25, 2008 at 20:25

    noen said,
    May 25, 2008 at 20:07

    watch how the message changed when it passed through Malkin

    I really didn’t need that visual.

    As long as we’re talking about Subway…

  25. Johnny Coelacanth said,

    May 25, 2008 at 20:28

    “You’re saying you don’t want anything to do with regular schools or what they have to offer. ”

    Not exactly, as homeschoolers have pressed for, and won, the right to have their kids belong to school social clubs and athletic teams. There are lots of different home schoolers out there, from hippy-dippy “unschooling” advocates to traditional fundamentalists who don’t want their kids to learn real science.

  26. pedestrian said,

    May 25, 2008 at 20:29

    Here is the socialist propoganda from Subway’s webpage that has Malkin all worked up:

    SUBWAY® restaurant chain takes great pride in the knowledge and understanding that the organization and the individuals within it are against any type of discrimination against employees on the basis of race, sex, creed, religion, color or national origin.

    Because it’s THE LAW. I can’t even imagine the apoplexy if they voluntarily included sexual orientation.

  27. Robert Green said,

    May 25, 2008 at 20:44

    ah yes, subway, where the fetishization of the word “Fresh” has denuded it of any meaning. who gives a shit about fresh when the food in question was grown with maximum pesticides and nitrogen fertilizer, picked and then irradiated to remove any offending biota that might still be left (along with any remaining vitamins), shipped great distances to then sit in a giant fridge where it is eventually taken and out and chopped and left to sit all day in another fridge, put on “fresh” white refined flour and sugar “”"”bread”"”, where it can snuggle up to CAFO raised beef or turkey or chicken, again irradiated and utterly deflavorized (then given “natural flavor”, said flavor being a simulacrum of the original flavor that the damn thing was supposed to have in the first place a la The Matrix), slapped together by a minimum-wage-slave with a sheen of the absolute nadir of mustard plus “mayonnaise”, wrapped in some paper, put inside another bag of paper, and yours for a mere 5.95.

    that’s some “fresh” shit alright.

    wait, we were talking about malkin? um, she’s an asshole, but then WE ALREADY KNEW THAT FOR THE LOVE…

  28. a different brad said,

    May 25, 2008 at 21:11

    I think everyone here is completely wrong.
    What these examples show is that movement conservatives are maturing rapidly, and are far more culturally advanced than we are.
    You see, they’re now practicing Dadaists and surrealists. Their very lack of any real, valid commentary on anything, anywhere, is, in itself, an incredibly deep commentary on, like, life and shit. If we weren’t all caught up in previous continental European versions of these phenomena, where talented people did very interesting things, we’d understand.
    American anti-rationalism is art, dammit.

  29. Thlayli said,

    May 25, 2008 at 21:23

    And where’s the sexy woman in the panties?

    Hopefully in a chiropractor’s office.

  30. tigrismus said,

    May 25, 2008 at 21:25

    I for one welcome our capitalist socialist overlords. I’m anxious to see how they work it out.

  31. the_millionaire_lebowski said,

    May 25, 2008 at 21:34

    It’s posts like this one that prove how shitty CSS can be.

  32. gbear said,

    May 25, 2008 at 21:38

    Every Sandwich Tells a Story

    Down along the Left Bank minding my own
    Was knocked down by a human stampede
    Got arrested for inciting a peacful riot
    when all I wanted was a foot long spicey italian with pepper jack.
    I was accused

    Is Rod Stewart on board for this?

  33. Ripley said,

    May 25, 2008 at 21:38

    I used to think that Malkin was emotionally/mentally immature but now I’m starting to wonder if it isn’t the exact opposite. Maybe she’s hyper-developed to the point of “crotchety old coot”, suffering from Matlock Simpsons‘s disease.

    Future columns:

    “That guy’s wearing shoes!”

    “That guy breathed!”

    “This water’s too wet! Conspiracy!”

    I don’t know… am I way off base with this?

  34. g said,

    May 25, 2008 at 21:40

    I like how the commenters at Malkin’s site get all huffy and declare their intention to snub Subway for Quizno’s.

    I await the other shoe dropping when they find out that Quiznos falls short of their standards. Maybe it has benefits for domestic partners, or recycling programs, or gives food to foodbanks or something like that – it could be anything.

  35. Prudence Goodwife said,

    May 25, 2008 at 21:44

    g- you have seen the future and it is good.

  36. Brandi said,

    May 25, 2008 at 21:44

    Is there some reason the word-wrapping quit working? The sidebar for the site is covering up the text.

    (Also, commenting on a trend here: are we fat leftists a hopeless disgrace to the cause who must go hide ourselves?)

  37. Candy said,

    May 25, 2008 at 21:44

    Michelle really reminds me of one of those nasty little yapping dogs that sneak up on you and bite your ankle while its owner mommy simultaneously coos, “Don’t worry, Li’l Mishy don’t eat much!”

    Seriously, I think it would be absolutely exhausting to be Michelle Malkin. Just imagine waking up every morning all filled with hate and paranoia and seething resentment. It must be fucking awful. It’s terrible when the person doesn’t even realize that life doesn’t have to be like that. Unless, of course, she’s just a sociopath like Coulter. I don’ think Michelle is playing, though; she’s really a bag o’ bile.

  38. Doctorb said,

    May 25, 2008 at 21:46

    “>as well as it’s commitment to to only dealing with “business partners” adhere to the same practices.”

    Probably if you’re going to make fun of spelling errors (even funny ones like “Untied States”) you should avoid misusing apostrophes.

    Also, not beating or intimidating the guys picking tomatoes and trying to make sure they’re not losing fingers in the turkey slicer is apparently part of the socialist agenda now. That’s cool.

  39. Fozzetti said,

    May 25, 2008 at 21:50

    I really really LIKE comparing McBush to the Soup Nazi. “No soup for you! No GI benefits for soldiers!” Heh Heh.

  40. Susan of Texas said,

    May 25, 2008 at 21:51

    as well as it’s commitment

    It is “its.” But everyone makes this mistake, so I won’t point a finger.

    Assuming corporate America wants to pay school taxes is stupid. Look at Wal-Mart. They support homeschooling, probably to keep themselves supplied with barely educated children.

  41. '57 Beatnik said,

    May 25, 2008 at 21:53

    Heyo Michello! Tell me Babaloo, now really just what the fuck is wrong with you?

    Bee Bop She Bop a waaaaa.

    yeah!

  42. Susan of Texas said,

    May 25, 2008 at 21:54

    Aw, Doctorb beat me to it.

  43. MaryC said,

    May 25, 2008 at 22:00

    Can you imagine being Malkin and having to come up with something new to shriek about every day? Every freaking day? She must be desperate.

    A D-list celebrity wears a black-and-white scarf? A sandwich shop promotes a contest that awards prizes to schools instead of families? These must look like manna from heaven to her.

    Whenever I visit my family they always have the radio turned to the local cranky old blowhard. One Christmas this guy was at the bottom of the barrel. The best he had was a local public-school teacher (guess what, he hates public schools and teachers) who told an 11-year-old in her class that there was no Santa Claus. He had to spend three days vilifying this teacher and taking calls from every gasbag in town who wanted to reminisce about how they believed in Santa until they were old enough to vote. You could hear the relief in his voice when finally some brown-colored person did something dubious — finally, a subject worthy of getting his shorts in a twist about. But what else could he do? He had to get his audience worked up about an issue every day, or else he had no show.

    And where’s the sexy woman in the panties?

    Her spine finally snapped and she’s lying in a heap on the floor. The guy in the first panel is looking sadly down at her. In the second panel, he’s gone for help. I have no idea what’s happening in the third panel.

  44. Five of Diamonds said,

    May 25, 2008 at 22:05

    Hey, be nice. It’s Malkin’s right to teach her kids the incorrect definition of socialism.

  45. Fozzetti said,

    May 25, 2008 at 22:11

    Is there a rhyme or mnemonic to help remember the rules for ITS? I just refrain from using the apostrophe at all times.

    I still like McCain as Soup Nazi, ladling out bowls of yummy money to his lobbyest pals but “No soup for you!” to the rest of us.

  46. MaryC said,

    May 25, 2008 at 22:19

    Is there a rhyme or mnemonic to help remember the rules for ITS? I just refrain from using the apostrophe at all times.

    It doesn’t rhyme but the rule of thumb is:

    If you can replace its with “it is”, use the apostrophe.

    If you can replace its with “his” or “her”, don’t use the apostrophe.

  47. Lesley said,

    May 25, 2008 at 22:29

    I could not resist and emailed the bitch to point out the obvious: the award is designed to benefit lots of kids, not just one or two in somebody’s home. Hopefully she won’t release my email address to her fanbase of rabid flying monkeys.

  48. g said,

    May 25, 2008 at 22:33

    Do you have granite countertops, Lesley?

  49. Lesley said,

    May 25, 2008 at 22:37

    I’m surprised Chris Muir didn’t ask his cartoonist to show Malkin in a thong bending over with her limbs looking broken… the temptation must have been overwhelming.

  50. Grammar nazi said,

    May 25, 2008 at 22:39

    No apostrophes for Fozzetti!

  51. Lesley said,

    May 25, 2008 at 22:40

    why, g, do you think they’ll be flying in through the kitchen window? I guess I should get out the tarpaulins…flying monkeys have a tendency to drop turd whenever they visit the apartment. Home schooling doesn’t include toilet training, apparently.

  52. g said,

    May 25, 2008 at 22:45

    You must be careful, Lesley, not to allow them to discover you have some immoral behavior for them to denounce. Perhaps there’s one aluminum can that was mistakenly put in the garbage instead of the recycling bin. Perhaps you drive a non-hybrid car. Perhaps you buy your coffee at Starbuck’s, the home of evil porno-graphic mermaid.

    Actually, I’m forgetting why Malkin boycotted Starbucks in the first place, choosing Dunkin Donuts instead. It was before prono-mermaid. Was it because they sponsored a Cinco de Mayo event, or because they offer benefits to domestic partners? Or was it that they distributed cup-holders with literary quotes from liberal authors?

    I just can’t keep up.

  53. Lesley said,

    May 25, 2008 at 22:50

    G, it was the price. she has no political objections to starbucks and why would she? they’re not exactly supporting free trade organic coffee growers.

  54. Lesley said,

    May 25, 2008 at 22:51

    er…make that fair trade, not free trade.

  55. pedestrian said,

    May 25, 2008 at 22:52

    So, I know I’m a little slow on the draw here, but I just realized what cracks me up so much about Malkin stalking people:

    It is exactly what the villain in a made-for-TV Disney movie would do. In fact, I think they should make a movie about the true story of a boy with leukemia and the psycho conservative activist who came stalking around his house trying to get his healh care taken away. Do you think they would be able to include the baby panda incident?

  56. g said,

    May 25, 2008 at 22:59

    DId she boil a baby panda?

  57. SamFromUtah said,

    May 25, 2008 at 23:07

    You really have to feel sorry for the Malkin-ites. They live in a world that can be threatened by Subway sandwiches, scarves, tacos, and children’s books.

    I’m still chuckling from when D. Aristophanes described Malkin’s readership as oonting, groonting Don Martin Characters.

    I just realized what cracks me up so much about Malkin stalking people: It is exactly what the villain in a made-for-TV Disney movie would do.

    Heh. I was thinking Ed Rooney from Ferris Beuller’s Day Off, but yeah.

  58. Prospero said,

    May 25, 2008 at 23:12

    Doctor’s Associates Inc., which owns and operates Subway, typifies an American corporation with an international bent toward subverting the U.S. Constitution and acting as socialism’s change agent. Don’t believe it? Check out its “Helping Society” page, outlining its “diversity” and “going green” policies, as well as it’s commitment to to only dealing with “business partners” adhere to the same practices.

    Seriously, I have no words. It’s like they look at the world through a glass that’s not merely bent, but shaped into a Klein’s bottle. Corporate agents of socializm? Wtf?

  59. Some Guy said,

    May 25, 2008 at 23:13

    This is starting to get like that episode of Family Guy, where Stewie and that chick become famous performers, but they hate each other and break up, and she goes on to be even more famous and his career collapses, then one day she comes back to chew him out, and finds him all disheveled and mostly-disoriented and screaming at stuffed animals.

    It’s just sad, now.

  60. Prospero said,

    May 25, 2008 at 23:13

    They don’t like what corporations do, and they call for state to stop it, and they are calles conservatives?

  61. mikey said,

    May 25, 2008 at 23:15

    they should make a movie about the true story of a boy with leukemia and the psycho conservative activist who came stalking around his house trying to get his healh care taken away

    Would this include the classic climactic scene where the dad is racing home after realizing that the psycho conservative activist was going to KILL his family but before he can get there it all goes down and in the struggle the mom manages to get control of the pistol (a short-barrel revolver, always) and fires into the activist’s midsection. DOWN goes psycho. Just then dad races in, to find the house in disarray but his family alright. But just as they all hug the bloody wounded activist rises up from the floor and attacks the dad, and in a horrific struggle pokes out one of his eyes and in the end mom has to dismember her live with a big ol’ cleaver.

    Yeah. That scene…

    mikey

  62. Larkspur said,

    May 25, 2008 at 23:16

    Oh, I wish Michelle Malkin and Meghan Gurdon Cox would have to take their kids to the same play group, or participate in car-pooling together. Neither of them seems to have anything but contempt for the people she encounters every day, and we might get some funny columns in the aftermath. I mean, they can’t be best friends, because I don’t think they believe in best friends. Or friends. But probably play groups and car-pooling are too liberal.

  63. Larkspur said,

    May 25, 2008 at 23:21

    Mikey, at the end of the movie, doesn’t one of them have to quip? Despite the carnage and the no-eye-having? Like, “Well, that’s some co-pay-back for ya”, or “I don’t think she has to worry about her deductible any more”, or “Looks like she’s permanently out-of-network now”.

  64. g said,

    May 25, 2008 at 23:23

    But probably play groups and car-pooling are too liberal.

    Damn straight! Play group and car pools are way too “It Takes A Village” for them.

  65. Blue Buddha said,

    May 25, 2008 at 23:29

    Wow… just when I thought Malkin was insane, there’s that Fort Hard Knox site. WTF planet are they blogging from?!

  66. pedestrian said,

    May 25, 2008 at 23:30

    There’s one person who won’t be murdered-by-spreadsheet

  67. MaryC said,

    May 25, 2008 at 23:30

    Actually, I’m forgetting why Malkin boycotted Starbucks in the first place, choosing Dunkin Donuts instead

    Starbucks wouldn’t print the phrase “Laissez faire” on some guy’s gift card. That’s all it took for Malkin to rev up the ol’ boycott-o-meter.

  68. mikey said,

    May 25, 2008 at 23:31

    Or even “Nothing accidental about THAT death and dismemberment”….

    mikey

  69. Candy said,

    May 25, 2008 at 23:36

    The Partner and The Kid are watching Schindler’s List. I can’t help but think how perfectly Malkin would have fit in with the SS crowd.

    I know. I know. Godwin’s Law. But I really, truly believe she would be more than happy to do all of those horrible things to immigrants. She’d positively relish it.

    The Malkins of this world need to be called out for the horror and evil they are promoting. The goddam corporate media won’t villify them. They turn a blind eye to the worst and actively promote the ones who (barely) code their hate rhetoric – they even give jobs to people like Lou Dobbs and Glenn Beck.

    In today’s Des Moines Register, a letter to the editor from a racist thug said that the “illegal immigrants” should not only be rounded up and sent back to Mexico, but that they should be stripped of all their possessions before being sent back. Tell me, what is the next logical step down from there?

  70. not even an mba said,

    May 25, 2008 at 23:37

    Poor Ann Althouse. Michelle’s hogging all the attention. Soon she’s going to have to raise the specter of assassination or something.

  71. Smut Clyde said,

    May 25, 2008 at 23:44

    Just imagine waking up every morning all filled with hate and paranoia and seething resentment.
    Actually that sounds quite convenient. Think of the time it would save. It takes me at least four cups of coffee to attain that state.

  72. Susan of Texas said,

    May 25, 2008 at 23:44

    It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye. (a classic)

    Who’s the loser now?

    Try to shake those pom-poms now.

  73. g said,

    May 25, 2008 at 23:52

    a letter to the editor from a racist thug said that the “illegal immigrants” should not only be rounded up and sent back to Mexico, but that they should be stripped of all their possessions before being sent back.

    You know, I’m 54 years old, and all this time I honestly wondered how it was that (Godwin’s law alert) everyday people in Nazi Germany could be convinced to hate everyday people who happened to be Jews. It just didn’t really make sense to me, that someone could tie this kind of hatred to people who looked pretty much the same as them, spoke the same language, lived pretty much the same as them.

    But now that I have become familiar with Malkin and her horde of flying monkeys, and read shit like that it just makes me realize that, however insane it seems, it can happen.

    Think about it. What is the horrible thing “illegal immigrants” have done to earn this kind of hatred? Came to this country to work and support their families.

    Oh, the fact that they’ve “broken the law” – which could mean anything from crossing the river to taking a part-time job while on a student visa – isn’t what arouses the hatred. It can’t be, because there are too many different technicalities to the breaking of immigration laws. Round up and dispossess someone because they failed to file form A-4 within 30 days instead of 45 days? It would be like hating people who let their library books get overdue.

    I would love to know the statistics of immigration law violations. I would imagine that the number of people who illegally crossed our borders is a smaller number than those who “overstayed” a perfectly legal visa, or who had minor irregularities in their legal residency status. I know an Englishwoman who was thrown in jail overnight because her lawyer’s advice omitted one small paperwork step she was supposed to file when visiting her family in London for Christmas.

    so their hatred can only be related to the overall reason people come here – because they want to work and support their families. It’s the only constant characteristic shared by all “illegal immigrants.”

    And that’s fucking insane. Isn’t that what they hold up to be virtue? Isn’t that what Michelle’s parents did?

    What’s the difference between what Michelle’s parents did and the people Michelle hates?

  74. Blue Buddha said,

    May 25, 2008 at 23:59

    Well, now Malkin has another reason to hate McCain.

  75. fardels bear said,

    May 26, 2008 at 0:14

    g; I really think there are some people in the world who just want to hate SOMEBODY. For most of the 20th century it was the Jews and the Negroes. Then it was the Commies. Now, it is the Muslims, gays, and illegal immigrants. They just want someone to tell them, “Hey! Over here! Look, you can hate these people.” That is how Malkin/Coulter/Dobbs/Phelps/Robertson/O’Reilly, etc. stay in business: They give permission to hate somebody.

  76. Jacob Singer said,

    May 26, 2008 at 0:41

    In the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, there’s a small section called “The Vent” which allows readers to submit little one-or-two sentence gripes about news or politics or what have you. You can vote Vents you like to the top and ones you dislike to the bottom.

    Last week there was a vent that said “If I call your business and have to Press “1″ for English, then you’ve lost my business.”

    Imagine the sheer horror of having to press “1″ for English. It just staggers the imagination, you know?

    Of course, that Vent was quickly voted to the top.

  77. Susan of Texas said,

    May 26, 2008 at 1:00

    What’s the difference between what Michelle’s parents did and the people Michelle hates?

    Nothing, and that is probably central to her point.

  78. Nimrod Gently said,

    May 26, 2008 at 1:02

    GOD BLESS THE UNTIED STATES

  79. mythago said,

    May 26, 2008 at 1:11

    So I take it Michelle homeschools her kids,right?

    Doubt it. They probably go to an expensive private school.

    As a homeschooler, Malkin can cram her fake concern for my kids being deprived of a Subway contest. It’s clearly FOR SCHOOLS, not FOR STUDENTS.

    I guess she must think that, like her, every single parent is rich enough to be able to utilize $5000 worth of athletic equipment.

  80. Daphne Chyprious said,

    May 26, 2008 at 1:12

    “as well as it’s commitment to to only dealing with “business partners” adhere to the same practices.” OK, I’ll state the obvious: the writer of that multi-SICed passage must have been home-schooled.

  81. Susan of Texas said,

    May 26, 2008 at 1:24

    No homeschooling for Malkin In fact, she wrote a little post about seeing her son off to preschool. Tbogg wrote a great post about it. So she’s a selfish feminist who sends her child off to school–early!–to have a career.

  82. pedestrian said,

    May 26, 2008 at 1:33

    “If I call your business and have to Press “1? for English, then you’ve lost my business.”

    When Obama takes power, everyone will have to learn the meaning of “marque dos para inglés”

    Muah hah
    Muah hah hah hah
    Muah haaaah hah hah hah hah hah haaah haaa
    hah hah hah hah hah heh heh hee hee heeee…. mmmmm…… si, si….

  83. A Different Jake H. said,

    May 26, 2008 at 2:05

    When Obama takes power, everyone will have to learn the meaning of “marque dos para inglés”.

    Yeah, something tells me these people would still be offended if the default was English and there was a message like “para español, oprime el nueve”, because then they are still reminded that oh noes, other languages exist!

    It makes me wish that more voice response systems had prompts for Mandarin and Cantonese, spoken in those languages. Then we’d really see some wingnut heads asploding…

  84. Susan of Texas said,

    May 26, 2008 at 2:29

    What do Malkinites do when they want to sit on the patio or drink a pina colada, or drive to their ranch? Do they refuse to eat tomaotes, tuna or vanilla? The outrage is very selective.

    Stupid wankers.

  85. jim said,

    May 26, 2008 at 2:33

    Malkin’s horde of fans are slavishly devoted to her every word.
    They see her as a heroic defender of American values.
    Also, they’re the sort that’d normally vote for McCain in a heartbeat.
    Malkin despises McCain & explicitly says so to said horde.

    Possibly the only virtuous thing she has ever done.

    Thus the Dems’ OTHER secret weapon, besides the Bush-Bomb … is the airborne Wingnut Virus.
    There is no antidote.

  86. gedgeman said,

    May 26, 2008 at 2:37

    Correct me if I am wrong but home school kids who wish to participate in athletics usually go play football, basketball, baseball, or whatever at the high school or junior high school closest to them. If the home school kid won, couldn’t the equipment simply go there? I realize that the local school would look bad if an home schooled child won but they would still get the stuff. Of course it would really look bad for the local school if the home school kid didn’t fit all y’alls “inbred southern home school kid” stereotype wouldn’t it?

  87. Another Kiwi said,

    May 26, 2008 at 3:00

    Why is the DbD man looking at his toaster? Why is the second panel only about the toaster?
    Is the toaster making some connection with soup?
    Jeebus I wish I been home skooled.

  88. Susan of Texas said,

    May 26, 2008 at 3:01

    No, I don’t think so. Schools are expensive to run and only provide services for the students enrolled there. Plus there are probably liability problems. The child can join other leagues, like Little League or the Y or church leagues, if he wishes to play sports or do something else like music and dramatics.

    The only homeschoolers I know are the children of a woman who uses the older children to babysit the younger children while she works or parties. I don’t know if they’re inbred or not, but they are Southern.

    Based on the homeschooling magazines I’ve read, the biggest motivation for homeschooling I’ve seen is that parents don’t want their children contaminated by the godless liberal secular masses. Everyone else I know sends their kids to public schools, Catholic, Episcopalian, or Baptist schools, or prep schools.

    Nobody cares if people homeschool their kids. That just means it’ll be a little bit easier to get our kids into med school.

  89. Candy said,

    May 26, 2008 at 3:04

    geoduck, I’m home schooling my son. He’s extremely bright and a good writer and might possibly win such a contest. As a result of being bright, he’s also an atheist. As am I. We don’t fit the stereotype of home schooling, now do we?

    It’s Malkin and her ilk who are creating the stereotype. Frankly, I resent the hell out of it. I’m home schooling for reasons that have nothing to do with stupid fucking religion, nor am I in any way any sort of anti-schooling theorist. In fact, it’s a temporary thing and he should be back in his high school in the fall, but the reasons are none of anyone’s business.

    The thing is, it wouldn’t even occur to me to be pissed or upset about home schoolers not being allowed in the contest. WTF? Some people just need to get over this false sense of entitlement, don’t they?

    It’s people like Malkin who have caused our educational system to become a shadow of its former self. Starve public schools of tax money, introduce IDiotic shit into science classes, ban great literature because it doesn’t conform to Xtianist religious goofiness.. Fuck her. She’s a thoroughly rotten person.

  90. Smiling Mortician said,

    May 26, 2008 at 3:06

    In the district where I’ve served on the school board, homeschooled kids are welcome to participate in extra-curricular things like sports. It’s not a problem. In fact, the district has a “home link” program that serves as outreach for parents who homeschool, helping them to get their kids ready for standardized tests. And as others have pointed out above, there are lots of reasons for homeschooling, not all of them having to do with being inbred.

  91. Candy said,

    May 26, 2008 at 3:11

    Susan, up north there’s kind of a, hmmm, I hesitate to use the word lefty, maybe arty is the word, movement to home school. I was just reading an article about it somewhere – maybe in the Seattle Times. It’s largely because of the things not being taught – art, (real) science, great literature – because of school budget problems and IDiots and cretinists trying to introduce religion into science classes. It is, indeed, a much smaller percentage than the religious nut home schoolers, but it’s gaining some strength.

    The program my son is in is normally designed for kids who have illnesses that prevent them from attending classes. We had a liason teacher who gave him his assignments, and we met with her once a week, usually in a coffee shop. It’s been a great program for us. But I agree we don’t fit the mold.

  92. Candy said,

    May 26, 2008 at 3:15

    Oops,I see it’s gedgeman, not geoduck. Sorry. I’ve had the word geoduck kind of stuck in my head for a couple of days, for some reason. As Miss Emily would say, “Nevermind.”

  93. Candy said,

    May 26, 2008 at 3:18

    tornado warnings all around, one Iowa town pretty much wiped out tonight. Guess I’d better bail.

  94. Susan of Texas said,

    May 26, 2008 at 3:25

    That’s interesting; it’s not allowed in Texas.

    Schools need three things to be successful; money, a good leader, and parent involvement. It’s possible to make them better.

    I forgot, I know one other homeschooler; my sister. She homeschooled because she wanted the kids to have a Christian schooling. Her children are smart and talented since their parents could afford to spend a small fortune on them. They are also homophobic and closed-minded, as are all their friends. I can’t help having a negative view of it, based on few but very negative experiences.

  95. Susan of Texas said,

    May 26, 2008 at 3:27

    Candy, I kept my kids home through preschool because of speech problems. Everyone acted like I was ruining their academic career. I can sympathize with that.

  96. not even an mba said,

    May 26, 2008 at 3:38

    A little late with this, but for mikey:
    DbD template:
    Frame 1 – background colour 1, some stupid line or two
    Frame 2 – background colour 1, some vaguely related line, possible punchline suggests itself to people with severe head trauma.
    Frame 3 – background colour 2 – the twist! Some complete non-sequitur that makes no sense either as a terminator to the previous set-up or as a standalone statement.

    I think he has like two or three other templates, but I don’t have the strength to look at too many of these godawful things.

  97. gbear said,

    May 26, 2008 at 4:56

    Candy, hope you’re OK. A weak version of the storm blew thru the Twin Cities too. Only damage I saw was some power knocked out and one tree down.

  98. Candy said,

    May 26, 2008 at 5:39

    Hey gbear, we’re okay here in Des Moines. I probably shouldn’t be on here right now, as we’re getting hella lightning and a lot of straight wind. Power threatened to go out once. We’re not clear yet, but it’s starting to look like we missed the worst of it. Still got a tornado watch until 3:00 AM but the air’s so much cooler now I just don’t think it’ll happen. We got lucky.

    Seven dead just east of Cedar Falls, and the entire town of Parkersburg is now kindling.

    I’m glad it wasn’t too bad in your area, and that you’re okay. This has been a terrible year for storms, all over.

    My cat is snuggling up to my feet with her furry catnip mouse in hand (paw). She hates lightning.

  99. gbear said,

    May 26, 2008 at 6:48

    whoa, I just checked the Strib and the northern suburbs got nailed big time. All we had in St Paul was 10 minutes of wind and a few raindrops. I was out on my scooter and made a bee-line home but didn’t get wet or blown over.

    http://www.startribune.com/galleries/19251959.html?location_refer=Homepage

  100. Candy said,

    May 26, 2008 at 7:10

    gbear, it seems we were both very, very lucky.

    All these poor people. Parkersburg

    There are 18,000 folks without electricity here in Des Moines, but our lights only flickered.

  101. pedestrian said,

    May 26, 2008 at 18:06

    I was homeschooled for a few years when we moved from the Ozarks to the South Hills of Pittsburgh. The only parochial schools that we could find were Catholic and my parents would have none of it. I did a few things at the public middle school, mostly academic testing, but middle school is all about fitting in and I definately did not. I could never wait to leave that place. Then my mom realized that the Quiver Full Movement (six children) + the Homeschoolers Movement (two parents, no college) = nervous breakdown. They always were overachievers.

  102. Larkspur said,

    May 26, 2008 at 18:52

    Hey, here’s a little bit of edumacational good news, on a micro level. It’s from my local newspaper: http://www.marinij.com/marinnews/ci_9381152

    I don’t know how long the link will be good, but basically, it’s a report of the first college graduate from a mentoring program started by a super-wealthy guy in my county. See, this county is largely pretty affluent, but there are pockets of less-affluent (people like me who do the errands and operate the cash registers and bag the groceries and answer the phones) and areas of truly poor. Marin City is one such area in the latter category. Its residents are predominately black and lower income. ((Its origin is the WWII shipyards, which drew a huge wave of workers, many of them rural Southern African-American men and women.) There are several problematic housing developments in the old urban style. There’s also a thriving community of folks making things better.

    Here are the first few paragraphs of the article:

    AS A YOUNGSTER at Davidson Middle School in 1992, Natasha Leanna Jackson was among 29 students selected by Ross philanthropist David Guggenhime for a new mentoring initiative he was putting together.

    The Marin City Children’s Program – which provided children with volunteer tutors, after-school study programs, social training and cultural field trips – was intended to give a group of middle-class students, mostly in Marin City, the emotional and academic support to stay in school.

    As a bonus, Guggenhime, a successful investment manager, also pledged to give the students partial scholarships if they went to college.

    For Jackson, the program paid off: She graduated magna cum laude in social work this month from Alabama State University. Jackson, 21, is the first student in Guggenhime’s program to graduate from college….

    (Article in Marin Independent Journal, by Gary Klien, 5-25-08)

  103. Ken said,

    May 26, 2008 at 19:17

    Even if the grand prize must go to a public, or private brick and mortar school it is still wrong to exclude home schoolers from participating. If the winner is a home schooler they can designate a school for the sporting equipment to go to, but Subway in their discriminatory practices just decided to exclude thousands of kids that learn at home.

  104. Sadly, No! » Your Tax Dollars At Work said,

    May 27, 2008 at 17:43

    [...] A nutty and dishonest campaign against the Subway chain (and Scholastic, Inc.) for sponsoring a contest that ‘excluded [...]

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