Welp, here’s yet another low reached by Fred Hiatt’s allegedly prestigious op-ed page:
By Kathleen Parker
Well, at least they didn’t kiss.
I was bracing myself for the lip lock Wednesday when John Edwards endorsed Barack Obama.
Don’t look at me. David “Mudcat” Saunders, Edwards’s former rural adviser, came up with the idea, saying Obama should kiss Edwards on the lips “to kill this 41-point loss,” referring to Hillary Clinton’s landslide victory in the West Virginia primary.
Instead, the two men exchanged a manly air-hug to commemorate the moment when Edwards threw Clinton under the upholstered sofa on his grandmama’s front porch.
As Edwards gave what amounted to a stump speech highlighting his favorite subject — John Edwards — Americans were reminded of why the North Carolina son-of-a-millworker won’t be their presidential nominee.
Enraptured by his own message, Edwards seemed reluctant to hand over the microphone. He finally relinquished the stage, after describing, yet again, the “wall” that he says divides Americans: “There is one man who knows in his heart that it is time to create one America, not two. And that man is Barack Obama.”
The “wall” refers to the one Edwards erected in the hearts and minds of Americans who hadn’t yet realized they were miserable, disenfranchised and seething with rage — not the wall that used to run through Berlin.
It’s tough to list all the things that make this column so mind-crushingly stupid, but let’s give it a shot:
- Parker begins the column by calling Edwards and Obama fags.
- Then, not having the courage to stand by this novel and poignant insight, she claims that it wasn’t her idea to call them fags, but was instead the idea of one of Edwards’ advisers. But hey, they’re still gay homo fruits who like to take it up the homobutt.
- Next, she pulls out the oldest trick in the Wingnut Punditry Bible: she lectures us about what Real Americans think! Never mind that she’s spent her entire working life on the Wingnut Welfare circuit – she’s got her hand on the pulse of The People, baby!
- And what do Real Americans think, you ask? Why, they’re apparently super-duper happy about the state of the country! Even though, like, 85% of them are dissatisfied with the direction of the country. And even though Bush’s approval rating stands at a sterling 28%. And even though the Republicans just lost a goddamn seat in freaking Mississippi.
To sum up: the WaPo just published a fact-free op-ed whose only “substantive” points are that Edwards and Obama are TEH GHEY OMG LOL IT IS TOO FUNNY FOREVER.
Thanks, Fred Hiatt. If you’re looking for new talent along these lines, by the way, I can introduce you to a promising young writer named Miguel Royas. You may not have heard of him before, but he has some absolutely fascinating things to say about gender-related issues as well.
UPDATE: I just don’t get it. How can any person at such a purportedly Serious and Important paper like the WaPo think it’s cool to publish crap like this? Ditto with whatever asshole at the NYT is keeping Maureen Dowd employed. Assholes.